Confessions of a Prep School Mommy Handler

by Wade Rouse

When Wade Rouse—a rural, public school graduate who grew up more Hee Haw than Dynasty—was hired as the director of publicity at the prestigious Tate Academy, he quickly discovered his real job was to make a few of the very pretty, very rich, very mean mommies of the elite students happy.

Enter former Tate beauty queen and sports star Katherine Isabelle Ludington—Kitsy to her friends—who went to an Ivy, married an Ivy, and made a lot of money. Now, she is Wade’s VIP volunteer and a perfectly coiffed nightmare.

In between designing Louis Vuitton–inspired reunion invitations, dressing as Ronald Reagan for Halloween, and surviving surprise Botox parties, Wade tries to tame Kitsy and her pink Lilly Pulitzer–clad posse while reclaiming his self-esteem.

Following a year in the life of the super rich and super spoiled, Confessions of a Prep School Mommy Handler is hilarious, heartbreaking, and deliciously catty.


From the Hardcover edition.

Genres: Memoir, Nonfiction, Humor, Biography, Biography Memoir, Education, Chick Lit

272 pages, Hardcover

First published January 1, 2007

About the author

WADE ROUSE is the critically acclaimed author ofthe memoirs America’s Boy, Confessions of a Prep School Mommy Handler, and At Least in the City Someone Would Hear Me Scream and editor of the upcoming humorous dog anthology I’m Not the Biggest Bitch in This Relationship!He is a humor columnist for Metrosource magazine. Rouse lives outside Saugatuck, Michigan, with his partner, Gary, and their mutts, Marge and Mabel.

(source: Amazon)

Reviews

[Laura · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book is a memoir, but reads like fiction (in a good way). I had the same reaction to many parts of "The Devil Wears Prada" - utter disbelief that people can actually act this way. But then I had to remember that this author worked at MICDS (a prep school in my home town of St. Louis), and his accounts are based on his experiences there. For a public school graduate who went to college with many MICDS alums, it is hardly surprising that these things happened at a place like MICDS. A quick and easy read for those who love "chick lit" or books criticizing the "elite."

[Mandy Leins · Rating 3 out of 5]

I am considering giving this book four stars, especially since I can't stop thinking about some of the issues it touches upon. Having worked at a prep school in the Northeast, there are some strong comparisons to be made between his school and my old school (thankfully, though, it was not 1:1).
I found the author, telling his own story, almost to be a caricature of himself, and I could not help but wonder if this was intentional. He certainly did not inspire me to like him much since he wanted to be "close to the movers and shakers" and thought working at a school like this was the way to do it. Throughout my reading, I could not help but think that the publication of this book was a way to get the last word in safely, without the "Mean Mommies" able to respond in kind.
What did resonate with me, however, is that education at a school like this is almost secondary, for it is not always the education that allows these people to achieve great things, but rather the connections that they have been privileged to have since birth. The families in these pages almost seemed to belong to a caste of their own, and the most disturbing aspect of the book was how this played out when families of color and families of lower income came to the school. This also held true in my old school, if not, perhaps, to the horrifying degree the author recounts.
I also was touched by his brie descriptions of the kids who are not allowed to be kids, even though they're six years old. The pressure on these kids is huge, and many of them have little choice what happens to them and their education, bowing as they must to their parents' wishes and the wishes of the school--for schools (and parents) of this type, only ivies will do, and only certain professions and degrees are acceptable. It sucks to be the kid who dances well, but who ends up going to an engineering school instead.
Would I recommend this? yes, if only because it highlights a strong network of "elite" families and their circles which still manage to dominate major aspects of american life. Perhaps not the intent of the author, trying to chronicle his own experience.

[Janel Cox · Rating 3 out of 5]

I just read this for the second time. I liked it better the second time. The first time was soon after it was published. The first time it was silly and funny, but over the top. And I dislike unproductive, self centered naval gazing. For some reason this time it didn’t seem silly. Still humorous but Wade’s journey felt more real and sad.

[E. G. · Rating 2 out of 5]

I *had* to read this because apparently it's about MICDS (I'm an alum of MI pre-merger). Has some very funny parts but the author (who is gay) dwells continuously on his sexual orientation, making an odd combination of social satire and self-pity.

[Cathy · Rating 4 out of 5]

A true laugh out loud memoir of working at MICDS in St. Louis. Loved it! Exactly what the Laduites are like!!

[Robyn · Rating 2 out of 5]

I read this book because of all of the 'hub-bub' it caused when I will still living in St. Louis. Because, yes, the school talked about here is most likely MICDS--seeing as all one has to do is google Wade Rouse (or read the St. Louis Post-Dispatch) to know that he worked there...twice.
I wanted to see how Rouse described the school since many of my friends from College and Grad school went there. Needless to say, I was more than disappointed. Not that I don't believe that SOME of this happened--but Rouse just sounded whiny the whole time. Yes, his nemesis in the novel is actually a number of parents he worked with he just made her SO fake that she was really truly unrealistic.

And Rouse's attempts to be funny were really just that; attempts. The book was a quick read but I found myself just waiting for it to be over--like a bad amusement park ride.
Book only gets 2 stars because a)he mentions the 'where did you go to high school phenomenon" and b)while what he wrote I didn't really enjoy, he does write well.

[Laura · Rating 2 out of 5]

I found the author's descriptions of the mommies only as pathetic and infuriating as his own descriptions of himself. What a coward he was! I don't know how he lived with himself, never standing up even slightly for what was right. While I may have hard days at work (and mean mommies of a different sort with which I deal), I at least am always true to myself. Sure this may get me in trouble sometimes and make my days harder than if I kept quiet, but I can always look myself in the mirror. I wouldn't trade that for anything.

[Beth Medvedev · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is actually a really sad book. The author himself is possibly the saddest - he's a pretty pathetic person to want these horrible people to like him. For what? He stands by and watches and enables the behavior of a few people who are boring and pitifully sad.
It is eye opening to realize there are grown adults who act like this and who care about...?? I'm not sure what they care about.

[Kris · Rating 3 out of 5]

A memoir of Rouse's time as an employee in public relations at a prestigious private school (due to the "tell-all" nature of the memoir, the name of the school has been changed and its location not given). Rouse spends most of the book detailing the horrible behaviors of the "Mean Mommies" or "M2s", a group of rich women, mothers of students, who (because of entitlement, or just plain meanness) spend their time denigrating students, staff and other parents, and "borrowing" school materials and staff for their own personal projects. The Mean Mommies, and especially their leader, "Kitsy" (not her real name), make Rouse's life a living hell, and they are horrible people, but in my opinion, the worst person in the book is Rouse himself. He not only puts up with the M2s' abuse, but often enables it - and he acknowledges that he does all this purely so that he can gain favor in their eyes. He steals canned goods and stuffed animals from the school's holiday drive, so that Kitsy can "re-donate" them herself. When he observes the children of the M2s verbally abusing another girl, he looks the other way. A married gay man, he explains away the fact that these women - and the school administrators - won't even acknowledge the existence of his husband. They call him a fa**ot TO HIS FACE, and he makes excuses - all in the hopes that he'll be invited to their parties, that they'll lavish him with expensive gifts, that he'll be welcomed into their "popular kids" club.

Toward the end of the book, Rouse has an epiphany (of sorts) and realizes that he's basically selling his soul for the crumbs of recognition these rich, popular people dole out from time to time. He confronts Kitsy, and she (being an entitled rich person) gets her feelings hurt, then acts like nothing has changed and tries to continue ordering him around. Thankfully, Rouse comes to his senses, hands in his notice, and leaves with (some of) his dignity intact.

In a postscript to the memoir, he confesses that the school later "begs" him to come back, that everything has changed, that the Mean Mommies have lost all their power. He (of course) accepts, and returns to the school, where (he's sure) everything will be sunshine and lollipops from here on out. No word on whether his long-suffering spouse had an epiphany himself and got out while the getting was good.

[Stacey Chase · Rating 2 out of 5]

I can only assume this was pitched as a funny memoir of a niche lifestyle a la Sex and the City or Nanny Diaries. Instead, it, like the protagonist and writer, has an identity and authenticity crises. It doesn’t know if it wants to be funny, poignant, heart wrenching, a comment on parenting, education, society in general, a class struggle, a coming out manifesto, or just a catty little melodrama, so it succeeds as none of these and has elements of all. I Picked up this book for some light beach reading I was interested in the story l, but quickly surprised and dismayed at how the author must nickname everything, at least 20, sometimes to the exact same group of characters with 3-4 nicknames and basically proceeds to tell vignettes of how he is abused as a private school PR person by the “mean mommies” aka “M2s” aka “Pink Ice Barbies.” IMHO, his troubles are not relatable because he has a very posh job with little to no actual work involved, and all his internal
monologue is just self-absorbed whining, insulting, or rude. He does not seem like a nice person most of the time. For example, he mercilessly skewers their ultra rich lifestyle while simultaneously aspiring to it, having sought this job out for that very reason. He describes how extreme their requests are, and yet does them without complaint or hesitation because he is desperate for their approval. He talks about how he accepts lavish gifts from them, wants to be their friend, and yet berates and insults everyone behind their backs. He assumes everyone is homophobic and hates him but all the characters he discusses seem to know this and try to encourage him to be authentic. When someone does “out” him, he suffers no repercussions and everyone is supportive. I did not find him a likable character, or this an enjoyable book and it has not aged well. Maybe his first memoir is better and this was just for that second book deal. The part I didn’t understand at all is, after saying how it was growth for him to leave, he comes back and accepts the job again only to quit again even though he says this time people were great. It just makes the character look high maintenance and fickle. The enjoyable parts for me were when he was authentic - time with his partner, discussing his childhood experiences, and the insights (kind of) at the end of the book.

[Marie · Rating 2 out of 5]

Confessions of a Prep School Mommy Handler came recommended to me from someone who knows the author. They did a great job selling it as a humorous memoir spilling the dirty secrets behind the curtain at independent schools. Unfortunately, the book fell a little flat. The author does outline his role, both the official and unofficial parts, in a way that showed the attempts at humor. But he ended up making the "Mean Mommies" (his term) so outlandish that they came across as complete caricatures - unbelievable. For example, five of them were described unironically as 100% always every day wearing bright pink. I love the color orange. I don't wear it more than twice a week. It's unrealistic that someone would own a 100% pink wardrobe. I also don't doubt that the author worked really hard at his job, but his descriptions of his colleagues were downright demeaning in his attempt to make his efforts shine. He made his female colleagues especially sound terrible - he goes on at length about their love of "depression desserts" despite his feeling that they could stand to lose a few pounds.

I've had bad jobs and tough jobs, but I know that if you want to keep moving forward you've got to find the positive in yourself and your contributions. You don't need to step on top of others to get to a better place. It is a good thing that the author has a quite successful writing career now, because I doubt he could return to the independent school realm. He even admits to outright potentially-harmful lies, like consistently purchasing full-fat milk lattes for a Mean Mommy instead of her requested skinny latte.

I will end by saying that I could definitely tell where the author tried for humor. I did smile a little here and there through the book. I would definitely try another of his nonfiction works in the future... but I'm going to need a little break first.

[Michelle · Rating 5 out of 5]

I have read all of Wade's books under his pen name Viola Shipman and have adored his fiction. This is the first time I read one of his memoirs and I have to say that at times I had to remind myself I was not reading fiction because it read that way (as in it just kept me flying through it). The balance of trying to please others while not showing any negative reactions to the ridiculously privileged had me so frustrated with the M2's and how they treated Wade. I cannot imagine being in that type of environment. Reading about his struggles with how to be in that world and whether or not to fit the mold or strike out and be himself, constantly questioning what his own motives were saddened me at times. In my head I was yelling, "You are enough and you do not have to apologize for who you are!!!" and yet, I found myself laughing at times as well. I really enjoyed the glimpses of how Gary and Wade's family remained steadfast and anchors, whether it was to cheer Wade on or give him a dose of harsh truths - I loved hearing about his support system as well as the great love that he and Gary share. I cannot wait to read his other memoirs!

[Steve · Rating 3 out of 5]

Wade Rouse is a talented writer with a gift for humor. Those abilities are on fine display in "Confessions of a Prep School Mommy Handler," his memoir of working at a prestigious and wealthy prep school in the Saint Louis area. The book does a great job of skewering the wealthy parents, particularly the Mean Mommies, who seem unfulfilled and therefore major in minor things at the school. Much of the story focuses on Kitsy, the ringleader of the Mean Mommies, and Rouse's passive-aggressive relationship with her. While entertaining, Rouse is oftentimes such a doormat to Kitsy and her cronies that the book becomes difficult to read. Rouse acknowledges his own lack of self-respect and unwillingness to come out of the close to the school community, but fails to provide satisfactory answers about why he doesn't stand up for himself. A generally fun read, though I hope that Rouse is now more willing to stand up for himself.

[Sherrie Howey · Rating 4 out of 5]

This reminds me of a real life "Mean Girls" where the mean girls are the mothers of the students. For those familiar with prep schools, there are many situations to which one can relate. I am in awe of the courage of the author to subject himself to the behavior exhibited by these mothers. However, I am so glad he got out of public relations and began his career as an author. His fictional works under the pen mae Viola Shipman are wonderful and I highly recommend them. Can't wait for his newest book "The Heirloom Garden" which will be released in April, 2020.

[Erin B SC · Rating 2 out of 5]

This is a quick and light read, although conversely it deals with heavy topics. Wade is a “mommy handler” at a top prep school, and this book follows a year of his life. Wade is gay and afraid to come out in his position. I didn’t totally understand why he ended up basically working for Kitsy as she didn’t appear to have an actual position at the school or in a PTA/PTO? The chapters are very short and read more like choppy essays.

[Karen Stevens · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is wades 2nd book
I love his books under his pen name Viola Shipman
His Wade books bring insight into who and how he grew up
Always knowing that he was different but could never tell anyone
Even after he went to college and got a job at a private school he still couldn’t
Tell people who he was or about his soulmates Gary
He finally found his voice in 2006 and started writing his memoirs

[Andrea · Rating 3 out of 5]

Part fictionalized (but still delicious) tell-all, part pathetic “lonely boy desperate to fit in” confessional, Rouse’s memoir had me flip-flopping between laughter and profound sadness. I’m sure his job was every bit as awful as he described, but I’m also sure his own insecurities helped make it that way. I just wish the world were different and his life experiences as a gay man included less (no) hatred and prejudice.
As for the writing, his characters were a bit TOO caricature-ish to take seriously. If a single woman had been as blatantly awful as Kitsy, no “mommy handler” would have lasted a semester. I think a bit more subtlety (and a bit more variety - more characters, less amalgamation) would have gone a long way toward improving the overall tone of the book.
3-3.5 stars

[Zach Strassburger · Rating 1 out of 5]

Painful to read. I put it down because it just wasn’t funny, but somehow I picked it back up again. Not sure why, although it did get slightly better when he talked about Miggie instead of Kitsy for a minute.

[Cory · Rating 3 out of 5]

It would be tempting to think that this sort of rich, mean, entitled mommy doesn't really exist in the world, except that I read this while the news is full of stories of the celebrity-tinged college admissions bribery scandal. So I know they do exist.

[Sherrie · Rating 3 out of 5]

I expected this book to be frothy stories about rich people behaving badly. There's definitely that, but the added element of the author attempting to hide his homosexuality - and essentially, his real self - in order to fit in was unexpectedly poignant.

[Sue Barnes · Rating 3 out of 5]

I didn’t love this book and I usually love everything that Wade writes. At first I thought it was funny but then it became sad because the women were so mean. I felt bad that he had to endure such meanness and lack of respect. Why do people act so entitled and have no honest respect for others?

[Polly Gillison · Rating 5 out of 5]

I read this book a few years back and I remember that I couldn’t stop laughing at some of the situations the author found himself in. Fast forward to today when I just finished it for a second tine. This time it was even better.

[Cristina Herron · Rating 5 out of 5]

Even when I wanted to cry, I was laughing too.

[Annie · Rating 5 out of 5]

There could not be a more hilarious and honest depiction of people pleasing. Wade will have you in stitches!

[Tracey · Rating 4 out of 5]

Fun, easy read, although a bit cringe worthy in parts. Sadly, many folks behave in this abhorant way!

[Cheryl]

????

[Leanne · Rating 3 out of 5]

Vintage Wade.

[Helen · Rating 3 out of 5]

If you want to understand "how the other half lives," but for the top one percent, this book will let you know! A gay man struggles with honesty in a very elite prep school, as a PR Director.

[sensei Oddsox · Rating 5 out of 5]

Eye opening, scary and funny. It’s good to know Pink Ice Barbies are inhabiting areas beyond LA?! Moved along at a quick pace, a very fun read. Will recommend it to friends still in LA or anyone else whose had to deal with “those” women. Look for the allies. *wink* Loved reading the little nods to Grandma Viola Shipman.

Wish I’d read it sooner!

[Randi]

The book is about work at an over-the-top exclusive private school. It's a memoir, but reads like fiction. Very entertaining.