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French Twist: And Other Discoveries from My Adventures in Old World Parenting
Adventures in Franco-inspired American parenting—a winning mix of witty cross-cultural observation, hilariously blunt French wisdom, and one American mom’s journey to create her own hybrid parenting approach
“If there is no blood, don’t get up.” This single nugget of parenting gold, offered by a French friend at the end of a long dinner party, changed everything for writer Catherine Crawford, her husband, and, especially, the couple’s two young daughters. Crawford immediately began to see that while the United States had become the land of too-involved parents forever wanting to talk through their kids’ feelings about, well, everything, France employed a far more laissez-faire attitude toward raising les enfants. Learning to sleep through the night? A few tears never hurt anyone. Food? Let them eat cake, sure, but only after they’ve sampled lamb chops, broccoli rabe, and the stinkiest of cheeses.
Short of shipping her daughters off to Paris for these—and many other—invaluable early-life lessons, Crawford did the next best thing: She brought Old World–style parenting to Brooklyn. In the process, she discovered that her kids could actually hold a thought silently for two minutes without interrupting adult conversation, and that she didn’t, in fact, need to buy out half the toy store to make their birthdays special. She even found out how much her kids like lamb chops! While combining the best attributes of the approach français with what she saw as American qualities worth preserving, Crawford found a way to save her household and her sanity. Hilarious and insightful, French Twist reveals how Crawford and her family survived le grand experiment—and why they aren’t ever going back to the way things were.
Advance praise for French Twist
“Presented with a touch of humor and spot-on descriptions of childhood (mis)behavior, the advice, which touches on such topics as breastfeeding and school participation, is practical and useful. A refreshing approach to raising children.”—Kirkus Reviews
“[A] charming and clever parenting chronicle . . . Though some may prefer their naughty kids just the way they are, this breezy, entertaining study of parenting a la Paris may prompt others to pour a café au lait and rethink their strategies.”—Publishers Weekly
“French Twist describes an open-minded experiment in French-style parenting (though apparently there’s not even a French word for parenting!) and reveals itself as an honest examination of the author’s own missteps and prejudices—which we all can relate to—and the whole overparenting trend in this country. Are Catherine Crawford’s conclusions ‘French’? Who cares? They’re immensely logical and rational, and delivered with an abundance of love.”—Muffy Mead-Ferro, author of Confessions of a Slacker Mom
“Ever seen a French child throw a tantrum in a restaurant or talk back to his parents? Neither has Catherine Crawford. In French Twist she uncovers the secrets of French child-rearing—and then tries them out on her own family, with remarkable results. Part memoir, part instruction manual, French Twist is hilarious, honest, and incredibly useful.”—Lori Leibovich, executive lifestyle editor of The Huffington Post
“Catherine Crawford has written a great parenting book.
“If there is no blood, don’t get up.” This single nugget of parenting gold, offered by a French friend at the end of a long dinner party, changed everything for writer Catherine Crawford, her husband, and, especially, the couple’s two young daughters. Crawford immediately began to see that while the United States had become the land of too-involved parents forever wanting to talk through their kids’ feelings about, well, everything, France employed a far more laissez-faire attitude toward raising les enfants. Learning to sleep through the night? A few tears never hurt anyone. Food? Let them eat cake, sure, but only after they’ve sampled lamb chops, broccoli rabe, and the stinkiest of cheeses.
Short of shipping her daughters off to Paris for these—and many other—invaluable early-life lessons, Crawford did the next best thing: She brought Old World–style parenting to Brooklyn. In the process, she discovered that her kids could actually hold a thought silently for two minutes without interrupting adult conversation, and that she didn’t, in fact, need to buy out half the toy store to make their birthdays special. She even found out how much her kids like lamb chops! While combining the best attributes of the approach français with what she saw as American qualities worth preserving, Crawford found a way to save her household and her sanity. Hilarious and insightful, French Twist reveals how Crawford and her family survived le grand experiment—and why they aren’t ever going back to the way things were.
Advance praise for French Twist
“Presented with a touch of humor and spot-on descriptions of childhood (mis)behavior, the advice, which touches on such topics as breastfeeding and school participation, is practical and useful. A refreshing approach to raising children.”—Kirkus Reviews
“[A] charming and clever parenting chronicle . . . Though some may prefer their naughty kids just the way they are, this breezy, entertaining study of parenting a la Paris may prompt others to pour a café au lait and rethink their strategies.”—Publishers Weekly
“French Twist describes an open-minded experiment in French-style parenting (though apparently there’s not even a French word for parenting!) and reveals itself as an honest examination of the author’s own missteps and prejudices—which we all can relate to—and the whole overparenting trend in this country. Are Catherine Crawford’s conclusions ‘French’? Who cares? They’re immensely logical and rational, and delivered with an abundance of love.”—Muffy Mead-Ferro, author of Confessions of a Slacker Mom
“Ever seen a French child throw a tantrum in a restaurant or talk back to his parents? Neither has Catherine Crawford. In French Twist she uncovers the secrets of French child-rearing—and then tries them out on her own family, with remarkable results. Part memoir, part instruction manual, French Twist is hilarious, honest, and incredibly useful.”—Lori Leibovich, executive lifestyle editor of The Huffington Post
“Catherine Crawford has written a great parenting book.
256 pages, Kindle Edition
First published January 1, 2013
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 108 reviews
January 30, 2013
After reading The Tiger Mom not too long ago, my husband informed me of an article regarding the “Baguette Mom”, the French parent’s response to the Chinese way to parenting. I regret not dropping everything and reading the article immediately, because I fear it is lost in the black hole of the Internet. Nevertheless, when I saw this book concerning French parenting, I knew I needed to pick it up immediately, and fortunately for me, I got to do so before its publication date.
Over the course of the few days it took me to read it, I discussed some of the ideas with my husband. We’re currently trying to “parent” (I guess “parenting” isn’t in French vocabulary) a 19 month-old and one more is expected to make his entrance in April. We talk about parenting a lot and were fortunately raised in quite similar manners. Many of the tenets of parenting found in the book were ones that we grew up with: dinner is to be eaten as a family and AT the dinner table, you WILL learn patience by having to wait; money has value and even if the family can afford it, you will not always get what you want; misbehave and there will be consequences; your parents are in charge and you are the child - a child worth respecting and loving - but a child who needs to be taught right from wrong nevertheless.
To us, these ideas were not “French” ideas but basics on how to parent. (And having taught for five years, I can say many of the ideas are also found in any Classroom Management 101 book.) The author was one of 12 siblings in a Catholic family and from the sounds of it she was raised with these same “French” ideas. My biggest question was where along the way did she lose these ideas and succumb to a very willy-nilly, be friends with your child, let them be individuals style of parenting? Is this just the new American way and I wasn’t informed? Is it because she now lives in a Brooklyn neighborhood and they’re all too bourgeois or even ”bobo” (to use David Brooks’ term) for their own good?
I still greatly appreciated riding along in her journey to turn her Americanized girls into les petites françaises but I couldn’t help but think if these same values were voiced to her from a different, non-French source if she would have bothered to adopt them at all. She is a self-proclaimed Francophile who appears to make many, many trips to France and obviously looks up to and desires to emulate her French friends. Her main inspiration to try out this style was after a dinner party with a French friend and her extremely well-behaved children. She knew her kids couldn’t compete with their model behavior and wanted to make a change. What if it was a Protestant family from the Midwest with these model children? Would she have been as gung-ho? Part of me was completely frustrated with her naïveté. You have great examples right here! In America! And ones who more closely resemble the “French/American” hybrid of parenting you are trying to enforce in your own home!
Despite my mild frustrations, I found her book to be honest, entertaining and a good reminder as to how my husband and I always said we would parent. Heaven forbid that we also lose our way and end up with children who insist on having a separate dinner made especially for them each night, thinking owning an American Girl doll is their right as an American, or that their parents aren’t in charge but rather trying desperately to befriend them.
Over the course of the few days it took me to read it, I discussed some of the ideas with my husband. We’re currently trying to “parent” (I guess “parenting” isn’t in French vocabulary) a 19 month-old and one more is expected to make his entrance in April. We talk about parenting a lot and were fortunately raised in quite similar manners. Many of the tenets of parenting found in the book were ones that we grew up with: dinner is to be eaten as a family and AT the dinner table, you WILL learn patience by having to wait; money has value and even if the family can afford it, you will not always get what you want; misbehave and there will be consequences; your parents are in charge and you are the child - a child worth respecting and loving - but a child who needs to be taught right from wrong nevertheless.
To us, these ideas were not “French” ideas but basics on how to parent. (And having taught for five years, I can say many of the ideas are also found in any Classroom Management 101 book.) The author was one of 12 siblings in a Catholic family and from the sounds of it she was raised with these same “French” ideas. My biggest question was where along the way did she lose these ideas and succumb to a very willy-nilly, be friends with your child, let them be individuals style of parenting? Is this just the new American way and I wasn’t informed? Is it because she now lives in a Brooklyn neighborhood and they’re all too bourgeois or even ”bobo” (to use David Brooks’ term) for their own good?
I still greatly appreciated riding along in her journey to turn her Americanized girls into les petites françaises but I couldn’t help but think if these same values were voiced to her from a different, non-French source if she would have bothered to adopt them at all. She is a self-proclaimed Francophile who appears to make many, many trips to France and obviously looks up to and desires to emulate her French friends. Her main inspiration to try out this style was after a dinner party with a French friend and her extremely well-behaved children. She knew her kids couldn’t compete with their model behavior and wanted to make a change. What if it was a Protestant family from the Midwest with these model children? Would she have been as gung-ho? Part of me was completely frustrated with her naïveté. You have great examples right here! In America! And ones who more closely resemble the “French/American” hybrid of parenting you are trying to enforce in your own home!
Despite my mild frustrations, I found her book to be honest, entertaining and a good reminder as to how my husband and I always said we would parent. Heaven forbid that we also lose our way and end up with children who insist on having a separate dinner made especially for them each night, thinking owning an American Girl doll is their right as an American, or that their parents aren’t in charge but rather trying desperately to befriend them.
March 31, 2013
Catherine Crawford's "French Twist" should be read by all new parents. Why? Because here in the U.S., we are raising a crop of brats.
There, I said it.
Just yesterday, I watched a mother *negotiating* with her toddlers about why they should not ride their tiny bikes abreast on the sidewalk that they were blocking for passers-by. It was quite clear that the mother was not in charge of the process.
We just got back from a visit to Paris. It was during spring break from schools, and we did not see French children behaving like brats. Why? Because such behavior is not tolerated. The parents are les chefs ... the chiefs. They are in charge.
Crawford's memoir talks about how she decided to undo some of the lousy parenting she and her husband had allowed to creep in with their two daughters. Crawford is a Park Slope mom, which means that she has seen (and done) a lot of hipster parenting -- by her own admission. A self-admitted Francophile, Crawford noticed that her friends' kids did not run the show, act up, etc., the way hers did -- and she decided to find out why.
From simple advice like not rewarding kids with gushing praise and prizes for minimal normal behavior (like not complaining when they don't get their way) to not making a second meal for the child if he or she complains that they "hate" what's on the table (dinner has been served, there are no other choices), Crawford lays down what should feel like common sense advice but is probably seen as fairly radical by today's helicopter "buddy"-type parents.
I really hope that more parents read and heed the advice in this book; I guarantee that far fewer adults (and even well-mannered children) would cringe when kids entered restaurants, etc., if it were the case.
(Review based on uncorrected advance proof.)
There, I said it.
Just yesterday, I watched a mother *negotiating* with her toddlers about why they should not ride their tiny bikes abreast on the sidewalk that they were blocking for passers-by. It was quite clear that the mother was not in charge of the process.
We just got back from a visit to Paris. It was during spring break from schools, and we did not see French children behaving like brats. Why? Because such behavior is not tolerated. The parents are les chefs ... the chiefs. They are in charge.
Crawford's memoir talks about how she decided to undo some of the lousy parenting she and her husband had allowed to creep in with their two daughters. Crawford is a Park Slope mom, which means that she has seen (and done) a lot of hipster parenting -- by her own admission. A self-admitted Francophile, Crawford noticed that her friends' kids did not run the show, act up, etc., the way hers did -- and she decided to find out why.
From simple advice like not rewarding kids with gushing praise and prizes for minimal normal behavior (like not complaining when they don't get their way) to not making a second meal for the child if he or she complains that they "hate" what's on the table (dinner has been served, there are no other choices), Crawford lays down what should feel like common sense advice but is probably seen as fairly radical by today's helicopter "buddy"-type parents.
I really hope that more parents read and heed the advice in this book; I guarantee that far fewer adults (and even well-mannered children) would cringe when kids entered restaurants, etc., if it were the case.
(Review based on uncorrected advance proof.)
March 16, 2016
American children are brats.
(Ouch. That hurts.)
That’s true. We know it is true. But it still hurts to write it down.
And I’m not just talking about Other People’s Children. I’m talking the children I raised and the children I see in my work and in my life. There are, of course, a few exceptions. But by and large, American children are brats. They want to be the center of attention. They want everything they see. They are engaged in shallow pursuits. They do not respect others. They eat terrible food. They are self-centered and unhappy.
Catherine Crawford has noticed that this is not true of French children. It became obvious to her that this is something she should research and share with others. So she did. And here is her book.
And I like it. It’s full of ideas about ways American parents are wrong and French parents are right. (Ouch, that hurts, too, doesn’t it?) Crawford has not only researched these ideas, but she has attempted to put them into practice and they have (by and large) worked well for her.
I hope, if you are a parent who is exhausted and disappointed with your overly-stylized children, that you will take a look at this book. Please. And will you give these ideas a try? Thanks. From all of us grownups who have to live with said American children.
(Ouch. That hurts.)
That’s true. We know it is true. But it still hurts to write it down.
And I’m not just talking about Other People’s Children. I’m talking the children I raised and the children I see in my work and in my life. There are, of course, a few exceptions. But by and large, American children are brats. They want to be the center of attention. They want everything they see. They are engaged in shallow pursuits. They do not respect others. They eat terrible food. They are self-centered and unhappy.
Catherine Crawford has noticed that this is not true of French children. It became obvious to her that this is something she should research and share with others. So she did. And here is her book.
And I like it. It’s full of ideas about ways American parents are wrong and French parents are right. (Ouch, that hurts, too, doesn’t it?) Crawford has not only researched these ideas, but she has attempted to put them into practice and they have (by and large) worked well for her.
I hope, if you are a parent who is exhausted and disappointed with your overly-stylized children, that you will take a look at this book. Please. And will you give these ideas a try? Thanks. From all of us grownups who have to live with said American children.
August 24, 2018
3.0 Stars
I've been binging through these "French Parenting memoirs" recently so I had to check out this one. Personally, I liked Bringing up Bebe or French Kids Eat Everything more, but this one still had some interesting sections.
I've been binging through these "French Parenting memoirs" recently so I had to check out this one. Personally, I liked Bringing up Bebe or French Kids Eat Everything more, but this one still had some interesting sections.
February 17, 2017
The concept was interesting, applying French parenting techniques in the US, but the execution was poor. Needs a lot of editing and organization of ideas. The thoughts are scrambled and the examples and experiences are non-descriptive and mostly superficial. The author "got French" throughout the book without ever really explaining how.
April 4, 2013
I had such high hopes for this book.
By mid book, my hopes were still high, until I had come to the conclusion that Catherine Crawford was trying to stretch out a three part magazine article into a book length dissertation involving her attempts to “french-ify” her family.
Totally failing at controlling her daughters, Catherine Crawford looks around and realizes that the offspring of her French friends are better behaved. It did not occur to her that it could possibly be her own lack of parenting or her own ADD tendencies, but obviously, it was that she was not rearing her young in the French ways.
Dragging her family, kicking and screaming I might add, through this new adventure had its interesting parts. There was humor from her daughters and slight glimpse of insight from Catherine herself, but to be honest, there was nothing new in this book. This is how mothers used to raise their children right here in the United States. I do not know when parenting changed, but my mother did not sit by a pool waiting for my latest escapades to entertain her, she did not read the same book five times in a row just so I would go to sleep at night. Adults were adults that interacted with adults and children were children and expected to do what they were told the first time and only time. Only when a child was self-controlled enough to contribute to adult conversation were they allowed to participate. Do not even get me stated on the food thing. Multiple meals and snacks were not provided – you ate what was offered or you went hungry.
By the end, I was just exasperated. If this was meant to be a memoir of sorts, then I could appreciate part of the adventure, but if it was a parenting book like I was lead to believe - Oh goodness, we have a long way to go. There are many areas in life that new and improved really is, but when it comes to parenting, the tried and true works. We do not need to look at the French, we need to put on our big girl panties and set rules and examples. That is all. It does not matter what country you come from.
By mid book, my hopes were still high, until I had come to the conclusion that Catherine Crawford was trying to stretch out a three part magazine article into a book length dissertation involving her attempts to “french-ify” her family.
Totally failing at controlling her daughters, Catherine Crawford looks around and realizes that the offspring of her French friends are better behaved. It did not occur to her that it could possibly be her own lack of parenting or her own ADD tendencies, but obviously, it was that she was not rearing her young in the French ways.
Dragging her family, kicking and screaming I might add, through this new adventure had its interesting parts. There was humor from her daughters and slight glimpse of insight from Catherine herself, but to be honest, there was nothing new in this book. This is how mothers used to raise their children right here in the United States. I do not know when parenting changed, but my mother did not sit by a pool waiting for my latest escapades to entertain her, she did not read the same book five times in a row just so I would go to sleep at night. Adults were adults that interacted with adults and children were children and expected to do what they were told the first time and only time. Only when a child was self-controlled enough to contribute to adult conversation were they allowed to participate. Do not even get me stated on the food thing. Multiple meals and snacks were not provided – you ate what was offered or you went hungry.
By the end, I was just exasperated. If this was meant to be a memoir of sorts, then I could appreciate part of the adventure, but if it was a parenting book like I was lead to believe - Oh goodness, we have a long way to go. There are many areas in life that new and improved really is, but when it comes to parenting, the tried and true works. We do not need to look at the French, we need to put on our big girl panties and set rules and examples. That is all. It does not matter what country you come from.
November 29, 2018
Culturally, I did not relate to everything she wrote about here (my Mexican mama would not allow a LOT) but as an "Americanized" mama living in this digital age of social media & Pinterest-perfect aspirations, I definitely related to a lot of the pressures described.
August 31, 2013
French Twist was interesting enough (and short enough) that I finished it in four days. Considering my lack of reading time with two young children this is fairly amazing.
At first I was a bit put off by Crawford's tone that implied all French children were absolutely perfect and all American children were little monsters. Of course the reason I picked up the book was in hopes of some tips for how to handle my daughters but her enthusiasm for all things French was a bit daunting. This idea was tempered a bit later on in the book as she admitted a few French parenting ideas that she didn't hold in such high regard and that her own brand of parenting was more a French-American hybrid rather than going completely native.
I was dismayed when Crawford started off talking about pregnancy and the French way of preparing for the baby. While this is probably relevant to examining the French culture in regard to children, I didn't see it having much to do with Crawford's experiment in treating her family in the French manner. All it seemed to do was reveal her completely neurotic tendencies during her own pregnancies and allow her to express regret for starting her children off in the American fashion.
What I had hoped to get out of this book were some ideas on a different parenting approach. I wanted concrete suggestions that I could implement with my children. While there were a few of those at the end of the book, the majority of the book contained sweeping generalizations without specific examples. Crawford would go on and on about how well behaved the children of her French friends were while almost being unable to put her finger on the parenting approach that led to this behavior. She gushed at how much improvement she has seen in the behavior of her own children but gave very little insight into how her parenting method changed beyond simply becoming more strict.
I realize that documenting every single parenting example would make for a long and boring book but I wish there had been a better balance between practical, usable information and the philosophic presentation on how French parents are successful while American parents are failing.
At first I was a bit put off by Crawford's tone that implied all French children were absolutely perfect and all American children were little monsters. Of course the reason I picked up the book was in hopes of some tips for how to handle my daughters but her enthusiasm for all things French was a bit daunting. This idea was tempered a bit later on in the book as she admitted a few French parenting ideas that she didn't hold in such high regard and that her own brand of parenting was more a French-American hybrid rather than going completely native.
I was dismayed when Crawford started off talking about pregnancy and the French way of preparing for the baby. While this is probably relevant to examining the French culture in regard to children, I didn't see it having much to do with Crawford's experiment in treating her family in the French manner. All it seemed to do was reveal her completely neurotic tendencies during her own pregnancies and allow her to express regret for starting her children off in the American fashion.
What I had hoped to get out of this book were some ideas on a different parenting approach. I wanted concrete suggestions that I could implement with my children. While there were a few of those at the end of the book, the majority of the book contained sweeping generalizations without specific examples. Crawford would go on and on about how well behaved the children of her French friends were while almost being unable to put her finger on the parenting approach that led to this behavior. She gushed at how much improvement she has seen in the behavior of her own children but gave very little insight into how her parenting method changed beyond simply becoming more strict.
I realize that documenting every single parenting example would make for a long and boring book but I wish there had been a better balance between practical, usable information and the philosophic presentation on how French parents are successful while American parents are failing.
April 27, 2013
On the plus side, this memoir is very amusing (at times even hilarious). If you are looking for an entertaining parenting confessional or a Franco-American culture clash anecdote, have at it and you won't be disappointed. On the minus side, it is disjointed and disorganized, with oddly placed sections in different fonts that often have little to do with the surrounding text. This is not a coherent primer on French parenting /education styles. For that, I favor Pamela Druckerman's "Bringing Up Bebe". The one thing this book addresses that Druckerman's didn't is rewards and gifts. The American tendency seems to be that more gifts are better and that every car trip completed sans whining deserves a prize. The French model is definitely less is more. Give the kids fewer presents on birthdays and holidays and they'll appreciate them more (and most likely play with them more, too). Eliminate or minimize goody bags and behavior-related treats and you'll not only accumulate less dollar store junk, but you'll teach your kids to behave well because its the right thing to do, not because of the prize. Overall, I definitely enjoyed reading this memoir but didn't learn as much as I thought I would from it.
April 10, 2013
There was hardly anything I liked about this self-indulgent memoir. I expected it to be somewhat like Gretchen Rubin's Happiness books (a mix of research, personal experimentation, and analysis of results), but I soon discovered that French Twist was not well researched or carefully documented. For example, Crawford periodically and vaguely mentions visits to France in which she "interviewed" French parents, but fails to mention why and when she went or for how long she visited. She includes a narrative about what inspired her to start testing out French parenting techniques, but never specifies how long the "experiment" has been going. In one part she says it has only been a few months and in other parts she talks about it like it has spanned a few years. Details like that are important and the lack of these (and many more) details drives me crazy. That, combined with the author's knack for exaggerating, made the author lose credibility with me.
I really did like learning about French parenting and culture (if I can assume it is all true). Sadly, the interesting and helpful information in this book could easily be consolidated to less than twenty pages.
I really did like learning about French parenting and culture (if I can assume it is all true). Sadly, the interesting and helpful information in this book could easily be consolidated to less than twenty pages.
May 1, 2013
I thought I would like this because I LOVED Bringing Up Bebe. I highly recommend reading that instead of this. I did not care for the author's tone. It was like watching Juno - she tried to make every line a punch line.
Also, you really don't learn much about French parenting at all. It's mostly just a bunch of arguments she had with her spoiled & unruly children, or witnessed her friends having with theirs.. And then some line of common sense that a French person told her.
She insults attachment parenting, Dr Sears, extended breastfeeding. And okay, I get that not everyone is in favor of those things, especially not the French, but it works for me. I see no reason for her nastiness.
Also, you really don't learn much about French parenting at all. It's mostly just a bunch of arguments she had with her spoiled & unruly children, or witnessed her friends having with theirs.. And then some line of common sense that a French person told her.
She insults attachment parenting, Dr Sears, extended breastfeeding. And okay, I get that not everyone is in favor of those things, especially not the French, but it works for me. I see no reason for her nastiness.
September 8, 2013
I have got to stop reading rubbish
February 1, 2014
Like "Bringing Up Bebe"
October 15, 2018
Anyone who thinks they can benefit from reading this book should start with, "Bringing Up Bébé," and my favourite so far "The Danish Way of Parenting."
I had little patience for the author's personality, but that's my opinion. I don't care for people who make children the end-all-be-all of their lives without taking ANY responsibility for turning them into decent adults. At least the author did take steps to turn her severe lack of parenting around with her children, but I found her stories more irritating than inspiring, and the book didn't appear to have any distinct organization. It was just a bunch of scenarios and anecdotes with an overabundance of narrative about them.
Also, I don't like when authors interject so much of their political beliefs in books that have nothing to do with politics. I found it interesting that the author would share so much of her political opinion at all considering how much her favoured politics have helped ruin parenting and birth in America. I'm especially sensitive to the many detrimental lies that have been pushed upon women in their most vulnerable state of giving birth. (For more information on this, read "Ina May's Guide to Childbirth.")
Is this book more of a political persuasion piece, or actually a book on parenting?
I had little patience for the author's personality, but that's my opinion. I don't care for people who make children the end-all-be-all of their lives without taking ANY responsibility for turning them into decent adults. At least the author did take steps to turn her severe lack of parenting around with her children, but I found her stories more irritating than inspiring, and the book didn't appear to have any distinct organization. It was just a bunch of scenarios and anecdotes with an overabundance of narrative about them.
Also, I don't like when authors interject so much of their political beliefs in books that have nothing to do with politics. I found it interesting that the author would share so much of her political opinion at all considering how much her favoured politics have helped ruin parenting and birth in America. I'm especially sensitive to the many detrimental lies that have been pushed upon women in their most vulnerable state of giving birth. (For more information on this, read "Ina May's Guide to Childbirth.")
Is this book more of a political persuasion piece, or actually a book on parenting?
August 31, 2024
From what i gathered from this author's musings, I don't think classic American parenting is much different (bear with me, because i definitely sew the differences).
I'm always shocked by the extravagance of birthday parties-- I usually don't host parties for my children, and when I do they're very simple with no goody bags. I also don't allow screen time during the week. I also prioritize family dinners over sports. To me, this isn't "French," This is basic American parenting, be it a little old fashioned.
I DO see the lure of what the author described and see how it's taking over American households. I freely admit that I've succumbed to this, too, at times (when my husband deploys, dinner is almost lawless). However, I don't think this is the true backbone of American culture, I think it's a slow takeover. Sometimes in good ways! I'm glad modern parents don't resort to violence or unkind words, but I think it's too easy to use electronics as our babysitters and educators.
The biggest thing I'll take away is that I want my children to be more involved with dinner planning and meal prep, and I want to uphold my personal value of introducing my children to new food more often.
Overall, I liked Bringing Up Bebe more
I'm always shocked by the extravagance of birthday parties-- I usually don't host parties for my children, and when I do they're very simple with no goody bags. I also don't allow screen time during the week. I also prioritize family dinners over sports. To me, this isn't "French," This is basic American parenting, be it a little old fashioned.
I DO see the lure of what the author described and see how it's taking over American households. I freely admit that I've succumbed to this, too, at times (when my husband deploys, dinner is almost lawless). However, I don't think this is the true backbone of American culture, I think it's a slow takeover. Sometimes in good ways! I'm glad modern parents don't resort to violence or unkind words, but I think it's too easy to use electronics as our babysitters and educators.
The biggest thing I'll take away is that I want my children to be more involved with dinner planning and meal prep, and I want to uphold my personal value of introducing my children to new food more often.
Overall, I liked Bringing Up Bebe more
May 8, 2018
I think one of the reasons why I loved this book so much is that I picked it up right when I needed it most...struggling with how to deal with my lively toddler. Being strict or firm just isn’t my nature but the idea of the parent being the “chief” and in charge makes so much sense, and actually helps children feel more secure in their day to day lives. I’m sure this is obvious to many people but I found myself at a loss for how to handle certain situations. Now I feel like I have more of a framework or tools to use when deciding how to react to behavior. This also touched on the differences between the French and Americans on food and mealtime, just like in French Kids Eat Everything, which I also enjoyed. But I just loved all the very specific advice that I was able to implement immediately. Topics included manners, education, routines, bedtime, and more. If you’re open minded to different parenting techniques, and/or love everything French like I do, then definitely give this a read.
April 17, 2021
Slightly dated, with the many older pop culture references that went over my head, but worth skimming through. I've been neurotic and anxious when it comes to parenting, so seeing the extent the author exhibits those characteristics forces me to reconsider my behavior...
It was fun to read about the more socially-conscious and authoritarian approach the French have when it comes to kids. It reminds me of Chinese parenting, where there is a heavy emphasis on respect for adults, proper manners, right/wrong, and "doing things because that's how we do them". I was inspired by French meals and how families take the time to plan, prepare, and enjoy food together. Too often I find myself resorting to the fastest dish I can put together, rushing or multitasking through a meal, and enjoying none of it in the process. I'd like to be more thoughtful about the culture we're building at home for the kids!
It was fun to read about the more socially-conscious and authoritarian approach the French have when it comes to kids. It reminds me of Chinese parenting, where there is a heavy emphasis on respect for adults, proper manners, right/wrong, and "doing things because that's how we do them". I was inspired by French meals and how families take the time to plan, prepare, and enjoy food together. Too often I find myself resorting to the fastest dish I can put together, rushing or multitasking through a meal, and enjoying none of it in the process. I'd like to be more thoughtful about the culture we're building at home for the kids!
June 8, 2020
Had to stop reading this book, since this author had a couple red flags. She insists that teaching children respect and teaching them how to communicate their feelings is wrong. Red flag. Then she goes on to say that after her daughter said "Mommy your words are hurting my feelings", her first reaction was to think "Ridiculous! If you think that hurt you, I'll give you something to hurt about.". Red flag again, yikes. Call me a hippie, but if it sounds like you want a punching match you're already a bit unhinged, but if you then say that sort of thing to your small child, it makes me wonder who hurt you enough to make you think that a five year old is enough of a threat or a pest to start using "fighting words" with them? Can't relate.
July 20, 2017
I picked up this book at the library and it could not have come at a more perfect time. Our 15 MO is a happy walking and babbling little guy... but also gets frustrated really fast and is looking at how I react to his every move. This book goes through the authors journey as she teaches her children how to wait, be respectful, and firm on the "main rules". It also goes over boundaries that should be set in order to save your own sanity, and when to give your children independence that they need to grow. It was interesting to read the French Twist on things, a lot of things I hope to apply to our American parenting journey.
November 5, 2023
I picked this one up randomly whilst perusing the library for something short and easy to read, and I did not really enjoy it. The gist: Children do well with boundaries, discipline, and not being the center of their parents' world. Crawford learned this by observing french people in her life, but I don't think these tenants are inherently french.... congrats to her for learning those things, though! The book also felt more like an overly lengthy magazine article, and not a well put together book. I can recommend it as a beach read, or some other situation where light reading is preferred, but that's about as far as my recommendation will go.
June 11, 2019
I recently finished French Twist by Catherine Crawford. I don't make a habit of reading parenting books but I do make an exception for French ones, naturally. The French seem to know when they're doing when it comes to kids and this book shed some light on mysteries to me, like how one gets a child to behave. It's always entertaining to hear how people or families adapt to a French lifestyle and I was glad to hear that these French tips worked for the author despite her kids being old enough to be pretty set in their American ways. If you're into French memoirs this one may be for you.
June 6, 2020
This was a nice, frivolous read. Don't think this is a parenting book; it isn't. It's more of a memoir of an experiment, and there's room for that. The one thing I wish Crawford had done was give us more insight into the way she'd grown up, and also to acknowledge that this is a White American Mom's Experiment -- this whole thing would look infinitely different if she'd been Black or any other minority, for that matter. Since she didn't do that, I could only take this minimally seriously, and even then, it was still fun, though annoying at times.
July 8, 2025
There were moments in this book when I was laughing so hard, I could barely catch my breath. I can’t remember another book that made me laugh this much from cover to cover. Catherine Crawford is a uniquely talented writer. She not only shares useful insights, but delivers them in such a fun, engaging way that I kept thinking, “I have to recommend this to my friends.” Even if you don’t have kids, it’s a light, entertaining read you can’t go wrong with.
November 16, 2019
Fun, quick read with lots of interesting advice about how to raise better behaved, self-sufficient children while still having your own life as a parent. I will definitely keep some of these tips in mind when our little one comes soon.
September 9, 2020
YES! I am not one to read “parenting” books but this one intrigued me. I am so happy I picked it up! There are so many correlations to how my husband and I believe in raising our children. It felt great to feel a bit justified in our decisions.
July 23, 2021
Parents are in charge. Not everything is about the kids. It's ok for kids to not get what they want. It's okay for parents to have fun. Love food, make great food, eat all your food, enjoy it. Dress with intention and care. Education is important. Good reminders.
May 13, 2018
Relatable and engaging account of an overwhelmed Brooklanite's experimentation with French parenting techniques
December 25, 2022
I really enjoyed this book: light and funny read!
I am personally a French mom living in the US and this is the first book I read on comparing the 2 cultures parenting mode.
I think we would translate Parenting as Education.
I would say this is a book from an American mom who starts comparing her parenting to other parents (who happen to be French) and it is about her journey to find balance in her life.
In no way, I find French parenting better than American and I would say neither does she. I rather believe she is like most parents figuring things out as she goes and when she finds herself in an extreme, tries to correct it. And she was stuck in many extremes!
I do not know if this is representative of NYC parents but I am pretty sure it is not representative of all American families. Actually I think there are plenty families like hers in France as well. Parents with good intentions but weak skills who will do worse for their kids than they think...
But parenting is a complex exercise and you must be willing to challenge your ways a bit to progress. I think that’s what she is doing... she believes she is being French but I think she is being old-French :-) and probably old-American (she confesses she was raised in a similar way)
I did appreciate that she mentioned areas where she disagrees with French approach: corporal punishment still being used and not being a good solution. She also visited some schools or interviewed Americans in France. Schools education or parenting can still be very direct and sometimes humiliating.
=====
The author lives with husband and 2 daughters in Brooklyn, where many French families live.
When invited by some French friends, she notices their kids behave better than hers... Since she’s tired, stressed by her kids, she is intrigued by new parenting ways and starts investigating and when she can... applying.
One of the main differences she notices is French tend to keep pregnancy and parenting simple and relaxed whereas Americans have fear of everything: some soon-to-be parents and their doctors do not forbid alcohol or all food, but have a more moderate message (even though it is not true everywhere).
Americans also want to buy everything (She did not say it but I will: probably enforced by marketing campaigns, messages about kids' growth and making sure parents are scared of doing the wrong things...). One thing I had never heard of before reading this book was wipe warmers 😁In general, we do not want to protect our kids from everything... life is unfair and sometimes difficult, let’s not lie to our kids about that... and feeling cold from time to time does not hurt ☺️
Another important aspect is French parents consider themselves the chief (boss) and not their kids. And this is strongly ingrained for sure. She finds French kids behave better in public.
There are instances where kids have free play but when French go to restaurants or visit someone, they expect their children to be quiet and polite. (Well probably less for me since I moved to the US).
She is also right about Americans trend to be helicopter or lawn mower parents. French tend to let theirs kids figure things out and “if no blood don’t get up”. French tend to let things go as “this is probably just a phase “ (as one nanny told me: “have you ever seen an adult with a pacifier?”)
In the US, she insists once the kid is born, everything revolves around him/her whereas French parents tend not to like breastfeeding over 6 months, French moms "re-appropriate" their bodies, try to keep dates with husbands (hum hum not so much for us) and in general try to let kid live by him/herself. We are not worried about our kid's development if he/she goes to daycare or nanny, rather than staying at home.
On our side, we kept our habits pre-kid but adjusted them slightly so it is adapted to a young child (drink to a kid-friendly bar, restaurant, travel -our son was just over 1 when we flew from Nice, Fr to San Francisco, Usa).
French kids have smaller birthday parties, less toys, less tv, and rather must find games or keep busy by themselves.
She has a whole section on style (how French kids are dressed): but I would say this really depends who she frequented: Parisians may be more inclined to be well dressed, and I definitely have friends who pay attention than me to these things. But living in Tucson, my son only wears sneakers, sweatpants or shorts and t-shirts 350 days a year 😂
The final most important topic is food... of course.
That’s for sure is sacred for French... she’s astonished by french kids manners, eating same food as adults, waiting patiently through 3-course meals. Some families she met involve theirs kids in meal planning and preparation. She did notice expats may push it further than in France... and well that’s true (I bake my own baguettes, dough when I would never do that in France).
And it is true French cafeteria at schools must provide healthy food.
So yeah food education is part of our DNA :-)
I am personally a French mom living in the US and this is the first book I read on comparing the 2 cultures parenting mode.
I think we would translate Parenting as Education.
I would say this is a book from an American mom who starts comparing her parenting to other parents (who happen to be French) and it is about her journey to find balance in her life.
In no way, I find French parenting better than American and I would say neither does she. I rather believe she is like most parents figuring things out as she goes and when she finds herself in an extreme, tries to correct it. And she was stuck in many extremes!
I do not know if this is representative of NYC parents but I am pretty sure it is not representative of all American families. Actually I think there are plenty families like hers in France as well. Parents with good intentions but weak skills who will do worse for their kids than they think...
But parenting is a complex exercise and you must be willing to challenge your ways a bit to progress. I think that’s what she is doing... she believes she is being French but I think she is being old-French :-) and probably old-American (she confesses she was raised in a similar way)
I did appreciate that she mentioned areas where she disagrees with French approach: corporal punishment still being used and not being a good solution. She also visited some schools or interviewed Americans in France. Schools education or parenting can still be very direct and sometimes humiliating.
=====
The author lives with husband and 2 daughters in Brooklyn, where many French families live.
When invited by some French friends, she notices their kids behave better than hers... Since she’s tired, stressed by her kids, she is intrigued by new parenting ways and starts investigating and when she can... applying.
One of the main differences she notices is French tend to keep pregnancy and parenting simple and relaxed whereas Americans have fear of everything: some soon-to-be parents and their doctors do not forbid alcohol or all food, but have a more moderate message (even though it is not true everywhere).
Americans also want to buy everything (She did not say it but I will: probably enforced by marketing campaigns, messages about kids' growth and making sure parents are scared of doing the wrong things...). One thing I had never heard of before reading this book was wipe warmers 😁In general, we do not want to protect our kids from everything... life is unfair and sometimes difficult, let’s not lie to our kids about that... and feeling cold from time to time does not hurt ☺️
Another important aspect is French parents consider themselves the chief (boss) and not their kids. And this is strongly ingrained for sure. She finds French kids behave better in public.
There are instances where kids have free play but when French go to restaurants or visit someone, they expect their children to be quiet and polite. (Well probably less for me since I moved to the US).
She is also right about Americans trend to be helicopter or lawn mower parents. French tend to let theirs kids figure things out and “if no blood don’t get up”. French tend to let things go as “this is probably just a phase “ (as one nanny told me: “have you ever seen an adult with a pacifier?”)
In the US, she insists once the kid is born, everything revolves around him/her whereas French parents tend not to like breastfeeding over 6 months, French moms "re-appropriate" their bodies, try to keep dates with husbands (hum hum not so much for us) and in general try to let kid live by him/herself. We are not worried about our kid's development if he/she goes to daycare or nanny, rather than staying at home.
On our side, we kept our habits pre-kid but adjusted them slightly so it is adapted to a young child (drink to a kid-friendly bar, restaurant, travel -our son was just over 1 when we flew from Nice, Fr to San Francisco, Usa).
French kids have smaller birthday parties, less toys, less tv, and rather must find games or keep busy by themselves.
She has a whole section on style (how French kids are dressed): but I would say this really depends who she frequented: Parisians may be more inclined to be well dressed, and I definitely have friends who pay attention than me to these things. But living in Tucson, my son only wears sneakers, sweatpants or shorts and t-shirts 350 days a year 😂
The final most important topic is food... of course.
That’s for sure is sacred for French... she’s astonished by french kids manners, eating same food as adults, waiting patiently through 3-course meals. Some families she met involve theirs kids in meal planning and preparation. She did notice expats may push it further than in France... and well that’s true (I bake my own baguettes, dough when I would never do that in France).
And it is true French cafeteria at schools must provide healthy food.
So yeah food education is part of our DNA :-)
May 12, 2023
A helpful book for any mom who is tired of American anxiety-parenting. The tips in this book helped me to improve my life and my control over my house.
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