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Finding Iris Chang: Friendship, Amibition, and the Loss of an Extraordinary Mind
Iris Chang, bestselling author of The Rape of Nanking and tireless human rights activist, symbolized strength to many in the literary and social justice worlds. Her fearlessness made it all the more shocking when she committed suicide in 2004 at age thirty-six. Longtime friend and confidante Paula Kamen, author of the critically acclaimed All in My Head, reveals for the first time the private woman behind the bold international celebrity. She offers a tribute to the lost heroine while attempting to explain Iris' tragic psychological decline. Through letters, diaries, her own memories, and investigative journalism, Kamen fills in the surprising gaps in Chang's personal transformation from awkward teen, to world-class writer and lecturer, and finally, into mental illness and paranoia. Finding Iris Chang is a portrait of a real, vulnerable woman who changed the world.
5 pages, Audio CD
First published January 1, 2007
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 65 reviews
August 26, 2008
I considered giving this book a 5 because I really do think it was comprehesive in its treatment of Chang's life and surrounding suicide, but there was something a little self-indulgent about the writing and the fact that the author wasa little too close to her subject, and clearly felt so much guilt about Chang's death. But, for those who don't know...Iris Chang was the best-selling author of The Rape of Nanking, a journalistic account of the 1937 Japanese invasion of the ancient Chinese city of Nanking. In her book, through first person accounts, Chang tells the story of the 300,000 Chinese who were raped, tortured, and murdered by Japanese soldiers. Chang brought this horrific episode to the forefront, garnering respect from the survivors, and intense scrutiny from the Japanese government. Following on the heels of the controversial success of The Rape of Nanking, Chang began working to uncover the truth behind yet another Japanese war crime - the Bataan Death March - which took place in 1942 and involved the forcible transfer of 75,000 American and Filipino Prisoners of War (between 6,000-11,000 were brutally murdered in the process). In 2004, admist in-depth research and interviews, Chang committed suicide. Chang's death appeared to come as a shock to many of her friends - people who had stood back for years and admired her steadfast determination to become one of the best in her field. Paula Kamen , the author of Finding Iris Chang was one of these people. Her book explores the nature of Chang's death - what led to her suicide - asking primarily, was it a result of Chang's mental illness (she had struggled with depression and bipolar disorder) or was it a result of the grueling and intense subject matters Chang chose to take on. Ultimately, of course, there is no answer, but Kamen's book explores many different layers of Chang's existence, painting the picture of a not always likeable, often tiresome, and always tremendously driven individual. Kamen discusses the interplay of race and mental illness, discussing the tendency in Asian cultures to hide mental illness, or the general idea that in American society mental illness is often measured using norms from white culture that are wholly inapplicable to minorities. Chang also suffered from infertility, and Kamen explores how Chang's fertility treatments may have exacerbated her mental health symptoms, as well as contributed to her feelings of failure. As a fourth generation Japanese-American myself, I still flinch a bit everytime anyone mentions Nanking or Japanese War Crimes. The inability of the Japanese government to take full responsibility for the human rights violations they have committed is shameful (and the Chinese government's recent inability themselves) - and a sad reminder of the violations America itself perpetrates, as well as the ones they turn a blind eye to on a daily basis. Chang's fight to get at the truth and to force reparations for the Chinese is incredibly admirable - and it is a true tragedy that it was probably her mental illness (in part) that allowed her the singular focus and the sleepless weeks to complete her work, as well as what drove her to the state of paranoia and despair that led to her untimely death. This is a moving book on the importance, and the price, of speaking truth to power.
April 27, 2009
Kamen comes at this story from the standpoint of a jealous casual friend, which is an extremely strange place from which to narrate a biography. Chang wasn't perfect and it's alright for a biographer to illuminate those facets of their subject, but this reader could never get past the fact that Kamen seemed to take some satisfaction from highlighting Chang's shortcomings, especially her social awkwardness. This book would have been better as a long newspaper or magazine article.
February 18, 2009
"Finding Iris Chang: Friendship, Ambition, and the Loss of an Extraordinary Mind" by Paula Kamen is an entirely different kind of mystery than yesterday's "Echoes." For starters, it's non-fiction; but it's an equally compelling page-turner with some surprising revelations at the end of the story — a literary, rather than a criminal, investigation.
Kamen became friends with Chang after convincing her to switch majors from computer science to journalism; she then found herself eating Chang's dust as her fellow student won internships, jobs and awards that outshone Kamen and most of their friends. The two remained close, however; supporting each other with phone calls, letters and e-mails about everything from dealing with chronic pain to pregnancy to publishing; but especially the progress of each other's books.
Chang won instant fame and fortune with the publication of her 1997 book, "The Rape of Nanking: The Forgotten Holocaust of WWII." She was beautiful, she was thin; she had a successful marriage, a new baby, three books to her credit and another in the works when she committed suicide in 2004 at age 36. Her friends, including Kamen, were stunned and disbelieving at both the news of her death and that Chang had just recently been diagnosed with a mental illness.
When Kamen couldn't reconcile the perfect Iris Chang she knew with the woman who killed herself, she went looking for the answers that resulted in this book. She used Chang's own suggestions about how to write a book: "Ask yourself, what is the single most important question that this book will answer ... then ask yourself, what are five to ten questions that must be asked in order to answer my main question?"
Kamen asks — and answers — all those questions and many more — especially about mental health issues — as she reconstructs Chang's life and death. While the story of Chang is fascinating, what caught my interest even more was all the research and bits of information that Kamen amasses. It starts out as background and eventually becomes the story.
Some of Kamen's side roads:
* A discussion of the range of acceptable behaviors among Asians and Cacasians. When Chang began acting outside the narrowly acceptable Asian range, her white friends missed all the cues. The book points out that even for trained mental health professionals, there is "an extreme lack of clinical research into non-white subjects and how they experience mental illness."
* Chang was apparently bi-polar. She was also undergoing hormonally-based infertility treatments in an attempt to get pregnant. Those prone to bi-polar are extraordinarily sensitive to "all major hormonal shifts," according to Kamen's findings; meaning the treatments would have had a profoundly negative effect on Chang.
* "Research has shown that Asian Americans end up seeking mental illness services only when the disease has become completely unmanageable," according to Dr. Jha, a co-founder of the Asian American Suicide Prevention Initiative. "The individual will try to tolerate it and compensate for it, and the family has a very high level of tolerance for it." The only time in her life that Chang saw a therapist or went on medication was in the few months before she died.
* "American college students of Asian descent are twice as likely to seriously consider suicide as their white peers. Furthermore, Asian-American women between fifteen and thirty-four are twice as likely to actually commit suicide as their white counterparts. China alone accounts for a staggering 40 percent of the world's suicide deaths and more than half the world's female suicides."
Chang covered dark topics and met a painful end and Kamen doesn't shy away from any of it. She looks at the book, "Final Exit;" how its author intended it to be used vs. how many people actually use it, and how Iris Chang used it. And discusses journalists and the personal price they pay for covering the world's traumas and pain.
Ultimately, Chang's mental illness was "the main culprit" behind her death, say Kamen. And Chang's death has been the door that has opened the discussion on this issue in the Asian-American community. But reading this book suggests that there are many more tragedies out there, as real and painful as Chang's, if less publicized. Kamen's book is one step toward public awareness about the lack of research about how gender and ethnicity can shape mood disorder. It is also a great tribute to her friend. Iris Chang.
Kamen became friends with Chang after convincing her to switch majors from computer science to journalism; she then found herself eating Chang's dust as her fellow student won internships, jobs and awards that outshone Kamen and most of their friends. The two remained close, however; supporting each other with phone calls, letters and e-mails about everything from dealing with chronic pain to pregnancy to publishing; but especially the progress of each other's books.
Chang won instant fame and fortune with the publication of her 1997 book, "The Rape of Nanking: The Forgotten Holocaust of WWII." She was beautiful, she was thin; she had a successful marriage, a new baby, three books to her credit and another in the works when she committed suicide in 2004 at age 36. Her friends, including Kamen, were stunned and disbelieving at both the news of her death and that Chang had just recently been diagnosed with a mental illness.
When Kamen couldn't reconcile the perfect Iris Chang she knew with the woman who killed herself, she went looking for the answers that resulted in this book. She used Chang's own suggestions about how to write a book: "Ask yourself, what is the single most important question that this book will answer ... then ask yourself, what are five to ten questions that must be asked in order to answer my main question?"
Kamen asks — and answers — all those questions and many more — especially about mental health issues — as she reconstructs Chang's life and death. While the story of Chang is fascinating, what caught my interest even more was all the research and bits of information that Kamen amasses. It starts out as background and eventually becomes the story.
Some of Kamen's side roads:
* A discussion of the range of acceptable behaviors among Asians and Cacasians. When Chang began acting outside the narrowly acceptable Asian range, her white friends missed all the cues. The book points out that even for trained mental health professionals, there is "an extreme lack of clinical research into non-white subjects and how they experience mental illness."
* Chang was apparently bi-polar. She was also undergoing hormonally-based infertility treatments in an attempt to get pregnant. Those prone to bi-polar are extraordinarily sensitive to "all major hormonal shifts," according to Kamen's findings; meaning the treatments would have had a profoundly negative effect on Chang.
* "Research has shown that Asian Americans end up seeking mental illness services only when the disease has become completely unmanageable," according to Dr. Jha, a co-founder of the Asian American Suicide Prevention Initiative. "The individual will try to tolerate it and compensate for it, and the family has a very high level of tolerance for it." The only time in her life that Chang saw a therapist or went on medication was in the few months before she died.
* "American college students of Asian descent are twice as likely to seriously consider suicide as their white peers. Furthermore, Asian-American women between fifteen and thirty-four are twice as likely to actually commit suicide as their white counterparts. China alone accounts for a staggering 40 percent of the world's suicide deaths and more than half the world's female suicides."
Chang covered dark topics and met a painful end and Kamen doesn't shy away from any of it. She looks at the book, "Final Exit;" how its author intended it to be used vs. how many people actually use it, and how Iris Chang used it. And discusses journalists and the personal price they pay for covering the world's traumas and pain.
Ultimately, Chang's mental illness was "the main culprit" behind her death, say Kamen. And Chang's death has been the door that has opened the discussion on this issue in the Asian-American community. But reading this book suggests that there are many more tragedies out there, as real and painful as Chang's, if less publicized. Kamen's book is one step toward public awareness about the lack of research about how gender and ethnicity can shape mood disorder. It is also a great tribute to her friend. Iris Chang.
September 28, 2022
Hard one to review. There was merit to this book in some respects, and in other ways, there wasn't.
Poor Iris Chang. That exceptionally talented woman lost her life far too soon, and now she's the subject of at least two books that dig into her personal business and expose it to the world. In that respect, I was a bit ashamed for having read them.
However, Kamen's book at least partially fills in some massive gaps left by Iris's mother's book--namely, where the heck was Iris's husband? Kamen interviews Brett at least twice, and seemed to have his cooperation/approval for this book. (I can see, though, why Iris's mother didn't mention him, considering that only three months after her daughter's death, another woman already had a key to the house and was letting herself in. That implies a pretty high degree of intimacy. Not only that, her name was Iris, she was also Chinese, and the same age Iris had been. Brett soon married her. Ugh.)
While Iris's mother's book was far too biased in her portrayal of a perfect overachiever, Kamen seems to get some kind of vicious glee from talking to everyone who didn't like Iris, even going back to her grade school days. She includes cruel names, childish taunts, and malicious gossip that really should have no place in a book like this. Who cares if some jealous classmates didn't like her? What does that prove? Everyone has people who don't like them. It read like Kamen was saying, "Ha ha--you weren't perfect! So-and-so b*tch from the sorority made fun of you behind your back! Nyah nyah!"
Part of the issue here is that Kamen was every bit as biased as Iris's mother, just in a different way. As a self-proclaimed "rival" of Chang's, Kamen was clearly envious of her "friend's" success, but at the same time, was eager to show how highly the phenom thought of her. Whenever she came across a mention of herself in Iris's notes, she had to include it verbatim. Other reviewers have pointed out that this book is an attempt to capitalize on her much more successful friend's achievements, and that made me uncomfortable too.
In the end, Kamen's theory is no more grounded in reality or facts than Iris's mother's. She latches on to Iris's bipolar diagnosis near the end of her life, and tries her best to make early behaviour of Iris's a "sign." She mentions a relative that was "said to" have the same disorder, but never names this person--even by relationship--or confirms it. And, even stranger, when she finds out that Iris used a surrogate, she didn't revise all the parts of her book where she blames Iris's decline on postpartum depression. This just made it seem more like she didn't know what she was talking about. Anyone who read the other memoir first knew about the surrogacy going in.
I can totally understand and sympathize with wanting to investigate what happened to a friend who committed suicide, but I think this would have been best left as a private, personal undertaking. It's highly biased, makes huge assumptions, and seems like it's trying to tear Iris down more than build her up.
Poor Iris Chang. That exceptionally talented woman lost her life far too soon, and now she's the subject of at least two books that dig into her personal business and expose it to the world. In that respect, I was a bit ashamed for having read them.
However, Kamen's book at least partially fills in some massive gaps left by Iris's mother's book--namely, where the heck was Iris's husband? Kamen interviews Brett at least twice, and seemed to have his cooperation/approval for this book. (I can see, though, why Iris's mother didn't mention him, considering that only three months after her daughter's death, another woman already had a key to the house and was letting herself in. That implies a pretty high degree of intimacy. Not only that, her name was Iris, she was also Chinese, and the same age Iris had been. Brett soon married her. Ugh.)
While Iris's mother's book was far too biased in her portrayal of a perfect overachiever, Kamen seems to get some kind of vicious glee from talking to everyone who didn't like Iris, even going back to her grade school days. She includes cruel names, childish taunts, and malicious gossip that really should have no place in a book like this. Who cares if some jealous classmates didn't like her? What does that prove? Everyone has people who don't like them. It read like Kamen was saying, "Ha ha--you weren't perfect! So-and-so b*tch from the sorority made fun of you behind your back! Nyah nyah!"
Part of the issue here is that Kamen was every bit as biased as Iris's mother, just in a different way. As a self-proclaimed "rival" of Chang's, Kamen was clearly envious of her "friend's" success, but at the same time, was eager to show how highly the phenom thought of her. Whenever she came across a mention of herself in Iris's notes, she had to include it verbatim. Other reviewers have pointed out that this book is an attempt to capitalize on her much more successful friend's achievements, and that made me uncomfortable too.
In the end, Kamen's theory is no more grounded in reality or facts than Iris's mother's. She latches on to Iris's bipolar diagnosis near the end of her life, and tries her best to make early behaviour of Iris's a "sign." She mentions a relative that was "said to" have the same disorder, but never names this person--even by relationship--or confirms it. And, even stranger, when she finds out that Iris used a surrogate, she didn't revise all the parts of her book where she blames Iris's decline on postpartum depression. This just made it seem more like she didn't know what she was talking about. Anyone who read the other memoir first knew about the surrogacy going in.
I can totally understand and sympathize with wanting to investigate what happened to a friend who committed suicide, but I think this would have been best left as a private, personal undertaking. It's highly biased, makes huge assumptions, and seems like it's trying to tear Iris down more than build her up.
August 10, 2022
This book was disappointing. I only give it two stars because I think Iris was extraordinary, and I’m thrilled to learn anything more I can about such a brilliant, righteous person. I’d recommend readers check out Ying Ying Chang’s memoir of her daughter, Iris instead.
It’s pretty clear to me that Paula was not that close of a friend of Iris, especially in the last 8-9 years of her life. She’s exploiting Iris’ suicide to advance her own career and self-help theories. A lot of the narrative seems driven by subjective interpretation and personal projection, rather than hard evidence.
I also think Paula may have had something against Iris. She uses the word “jealous” about 500 times in the book. She portrays everything as glass half empty about Iris’ social life—downplaying the adoration she had among truly close family and friends. (This world can be cruel to people who color outside the lines.)
Considering Paula is supposedly a (White) feminist, I also find it curious how much Paula talks about Iris being overly “ambitious,” and how much she comments on Iris’ physical looks. Parts of the book borderline sexualize Iris, implying her success was supercharged by her good looks.
My greatest disappointment is how shaky Paula’s arguments are about Iris’ mental illness. She claims the the illness is from bipolar and long-standing “inner demons.” But much of this is speculation—
* She hinges a lot of her analysis throughout the book on supposedly adverse effects of Iris’ “pregnancy” in 2002. But there never was a pregnancy! Iris relied on a surrogate mother for having her son. Paula sloppily acknowledges this inconvenient fact at the very end of the book, and then conspicuously inserts alternative theories about Iris being driven over the edge by a few weeks of fertility treatment and several early-term miscarriages. It’s possible, but it seems Paula is just shifting her story when the facts don’t jive with her narrative.
* She offers little direct evidence about Iris’s mental condition, prior to her breakdown in 2004. Most of the book is based on Iris’ earlier years, before 1999-2000, when Paula purports that Iris slid downhill. She talks about Iris being bipolar as though it was a given, with few details about how Iris’ symptoms systematically match up with the clinical definition. Much of the evidence seems cherry-picked from archives. Very little is gained from interviews of people who really knew Iris in the final years. (Several people declined to interview, or stipulated they would not talk about certain subjects.) Paula interviews Iris’ widower, Brett, but a lot of Paula’s questions seem to be leading Brett down a certain narrative.
* She does not seem to seriously consider the possibility that Iris was misdiagnosed or that she received poor treatment from the medical establishment. She just takes the “official” diagnosis as incontrovertible. This is problematic because Iris had trouble getting access to certified professionals. And a growing body of research calls into question the efficacy of anti-depression drugs that doctors were pushing on Iris. Paula blames Iris for feeling that these say drugs were not helping, but there’s a good chance she was receiving bad treatment. Paula also places blame on stigma of mental illness within the AAPI community, without addressing how racial and gender bias could have led Iris to be over/under medicated. (
It’s pretty clear to me that Paula was not that close of a friend of Iris, especially in the last 8-9 years of her life. She’s exploiting Iris’ suicide to advance her own career and self-help theories. A lot of the narrative seems driven by subjective interpretation and personal projection, rather than hard evidence.
I also think Paula may have had something against Iris. She uses the word “jealous” about 500 times in the book. She portrays everything as glass half empty about Iris’ social life—downplaying the adoration she had among truly close family and friends. (This world can be cruel to people who color outside the lines.)
Considering Paula is supposedly a (White) feminist, I also find it curious how much Paula talks about Iris being overly “ambitious,” and how much she comments on Iris’ physical looks. Parts of the book borderline sexualize Iris, implying her success was supercharged by her good looks.
My greatest disappointment is how shaky Paula’s arguments are about Iris’ mental illness. She claims the the illness is from bipolar and long-standing “inner demons.” But much of this is speculation—
* She hinges a lot of her analysis throughout the book on supposedly adverse effects of Iris’ “pregnancy” in 2002. But there never was a pregnancy! Iris relied on a surrogate mother for having her son. Paula sloppily acknowledges this inconvenient fact at the very end of the book, and then conspicuously inserts alternative theories about Iris being driven over the edge by a few weeks of fertility treatment and several early-term miscarriages. It’s possible, but it seems Paula is just shifting her story when the facts don’t jive with her narrative.
* She offers little direct evidence about Iris’s mental condition, prior to her breakdown in 2004. Most of the book is based on Iris’ earlier years, before 1999-2000, when Paula purports that Iris slid downhill. She talks about Iris being bipolar as though it was a given, with few details about how Iris’ symptoms systematically match up with the clinical definition. Much of the evidence seems cherry-picked from archives. Very little is gained from interviews of people who really knew Iris in the final years. (Several people declined to interview, or stipulated they would not talk about certain subjects.) Paula interviews Iris’ widower, Brett, but a lot of Paula’s questions seem to be leading Brett down a certain narrative.
* She does not seem to seriously consider the possibility that Iris was misdiagnosed or that she received poor treatment from the medical establishment. She just takes the “official” diagnosis as incontrovertible. This is problematic because Iris had trouble getting access to certified professionals. And a growing body of research calls into question the efficacy of anti-depression drugs that doctors were pushing on Iris. Paula blames Iris for feeling that these say drugs were not helping, but there’s a good chance she was receiving bad treatment. Paula also places blame on stigma of mental illness within the AAPI community, without addressing how racial and gender bias could have led Iris to be over/under medicated. (
January 13, 2016
After binging on The Rape of Nanking recently, I was fascinated by the life (and death) of Iris Chang. This book gives seems to give a really good summary of both, in terms of her life achievements, the problems she faced and the things she had to struggle with.
At the same time the book gives some background on the origin of The Rape of Nanking and how mental health is an especially severe problem in Asian communities.
Recommended for: People who have read something by Chang and want to know more about her.
At the same time the book gives some background on the origin of The Rape of Nanking and how mental health is an especially severe problem in Asian communities.
Recommended for: People who have read something by Chang and want to know more about her.
May 13, 2013
I hope this is not the last word on Iris Chang.
In a precursive phone call Iris told her "friend", Paula Kamen (who found her exhausting), to tell everyone what she was like "before this happened." I didn't count, but there were probably more pages about "this" and its aftermath, than what she was like before it. Kamen's book does not fulfill her friend's request.
Kamen had, and probably still has, a wonderful opportunity to provide insight. Unfortunately she gives us more about how she reacted to Iris, than about how Iris might have reacted to her. Why did Iris reach out to her? Did her interest in being a sorority member or homecoming queen inform her later career or was it a reaction? How did she become interested in Nanking? The questions surrounding her work on Nanking are huge and very little text is devoted to them.
Whether or not Iris's son was actually autistic is resolved near the end of the book, which makes it more of a literary device than an factor. Paula is honest but, for me, too causal about her own flaws in her relationship with Iris.
I doubt that this is the telling that Iris had in mind.
Kamen is not the journalist her friend was. Being a lay person, I'm glad to see someone in this profession take "no" for an answer, as Kamen did with Iris's mother, (and as Iris did at the Tribune where stakes were higher) but the flip side of this is her relaxed approach to the responses of those who bow (and bowed) to pressure. While I am not a lawyer or reparations expert, I expect that the Holocaust survivors also met resistance of officials citing treaties and precedents. Kamen gives the nay sayers a pass.
I think the world's hunger to know and understand this heroine has led to the warm reception this book has received by readers. I view it as a starting point for a more substantive treatment that I someone is working on right now.
In a precursive phone call Iris told her "friend", Paula Kamen (who found her exhausting), to tell everyone what she was like "before this happened." I didn't count, but there were probably more pages about "this" and its aftermath, than what she was like before it. Kamen's book does not fulfill her friend's request.
Kamen had, and probably still has, a wonderful opportunity to provide insight. Unfortunately she gives us more about how she reacted to Iris, than about how Iris might have reacted to her. Why did Iris reach out to her? Did her interest in being a sorority member or homecoming queen inform her later career or was it a reaction? How did she become interested in Nanking? The questions surrounding her work on Nanking are huge and very little text is devoted to them.
Whether or not Iris's son was actually autistic is resolved near the end of the book, which makes it more of a literary device than an factor. Paula is honest but, for me, too causal about her own flaws in her relationship with Iris.
I doubt that this is the telling that Iris had in mind.
Kamen is not the journalist her friend was. Being a lay person, I'm glad to see someone in this profession take "no" for an answer, as Kamen did with Iris's mother, (and as Iris did at the Tribune where stakes were higher) but the flip side of this is her relaxed approach to the responses of those who bow (and bowed) to pressure. While I am not a lawyer or reparations expert, I expect that the Holocaust survivors also met resistance of officials citing treaties and precedents. Kamen gives the nay sayers a pass.
I think the world's hunger to know and understand this heroine has led to the warm reception this book has received by readers. I view it as a starting point for a more substantive treatment that I someone is working on right now.
October 4, 2017
I was sickened to hear that the beautiful, brilliant Iris Chang had killed herself at the age of 36. She was a famous historian and young mother. She wrote The Rape of Nanking, a groundbreaking book about the massacre of thousands of Chinese at the hands of the Japanese at the start of WW 2. It is one of the best history books I've ever read. Her college friend Paula Kamen shocked by her death tried to discover her reasons by writing this. Iris was researching a book about the Battan death march when she died. The stories of the soldiers made her despondent, she felt pressured to live up to the Nanking book, her son was born with autism, and she was bipolar. In her short life she did many wonderful things, including influencing others to greatness, such as James Bradley who was encouraged by her to write Flags of our Fathers and Flyboys.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
September 29, 2025
Having read The Rape of Nanking, I wanted to know about the author and was shocked and disheartened to find out that she had died by suicide. Coming across this book answered all the questions I had in a thoughtful, respectful way.
February 18, 2020
I remember being completely moved by Iris Chang's "The Rape of Nanking," which I read pretty much around the time it first came out. This book was somewhat frustrating to read at times-for instance, would another type of person (e.g., a man be considered "too much" if he had Iris' characteristics?).
Notable lines:
“ . . . she was all things to all people. She represented: a working mother, a warrior for social justice, an Asian American, a voice for forgotten war victims, a suicide, a sufferer of depression, and a high-spirited person who was ‘too much’ for others at times.”
“He believed that a human being is defined by his or her principles. You can make compromises, but every time you do, a part of yourself dies.”
“Iris’ life showed how being a symbol, even a much-admired and apparently superhuman one, can be a very tough road. Others overlook the natural human parts of yourself, and over time, you do, too. As the mystique builds, your weaknesses only become more difficult for you and others to face. Others come to value you mainly according to what you do, how you’re a verb, how you inspire them-not who you really are. They overidentify with you, overlooking aspects of yourself that are different from them. Then they’re unprepared, to the point of being shocked, if you handle a situation differently than they would. The symbol just can’t get a break.”
Notable lines:
“ . . . she was all things to all people. She represented: a working mother, a warrior for social justice, an Asian American, a voice for forgotten war victims, a suicide, a sufferer of depression, and a high-spirited person who was ‘too much’ for others at times.”
“He believed that a human being is defined by his or her principles. You can make compromises, but every time you do, a part of yourself dies.”
“Iris’ life showed how being a symbol, even a much-admired and apparently superhuman one, can be a very tough road. Others overlook the natural human parts of yourself, and over time, you do, too. As the mystique builds, your weaknesses only become more difficult for you and others to face. Others come to value you mainly according to what you do, how you’re a verb, how you inspire them-not who you really are. They overidentify with you, overlooking aspects of yourself that are different from them. Then they’re unprepared, to the point of being shocked, if you handle a situation differently than they would. The symbol just can’t get a break.”
October 5, 2022
I first heard of Iris Chang, author of The Rape of Nanking, several years ago while looking up information on Nanking, and coming across an article about her suicide. I remember thinking how sad it was that such a young, brilliant life was lost and I have wanted to learn more about her which is what led me to pick up this book.
It seems that at the time of her death, the general reasoning was that her research into the atrocities of war had caused her to become suicidal and though it had to have greatly effected her, it seems to have been more complex than that.
Kamen, who knew Iris Chang since their college days, delves into what was going on in Chang’s life - her mental health issues, fertility issues and the stigma around mental health issues in the Asian community - even speaking to Chang’s husband to really try to understand what happened.
I appreciated she was very open, giving us a look into their friendship - even writing about how her friendship with Iris (and the hours long calls) could be draining - and opening up about her own struggles and that she didn’t sugarcoat things but seemed to be very vulnerable and honest.
I’m glad I was able to learn more about Iris Chang and her contribution through her books and I intend to read her work soon.
Content warning: mental illness, infertility, suicide
It seems that at the time of her death, the general reasoning was that her research into the atrocities of war had caused her to become suicidal and though it had to have greatly effected her, it seems to have been more complex than that.
Kamen, who knew Iris Chang since their college days, delves into what was going on in Chang’s life - her mental health issues, fertility issues and the stigma around mental health issues in the Asian community - even speaking to Chang’s husband to really try to understand what happened.
I appreciated she was very open, giving us a look into their friendship - even writing about how her friendship with Iris (and the hours long calls) could be draining - and opening up about her own struggles and that she didn’t sugarcoat things but seemed to be very vulnerable and honest.
I’m glad I was able to learn more about Iris Chang and her contribution through her books and I intend to read her work soon.
Content warning: mental illness, infertility, suicide
January 24, 2008
I'd read an article in Salon, by the same author, about Iris Chang's death and questions surrounding it. However, this book-long exploration of the same topic felt rushed and sloppy. There were actually places in the book where I thought, Where was the editor?? There was a self-consciousness to this book that did the woman and her story a disservice. For instance, the writer included whole chunks of interviews--whether or not all the material was relevant or interesting, and often without processing or commenting on it--as if to say, "See? I didn't take anything out of context."
When I should have been thinking about the subject and the story, I was distracted by how it seemed the author was trying to CYA in case of lawsuit.
When I should have been thinking about the subject and the story, I was distracted by how it seemed the author was trying to CYA in case of lawsuit.
August 13, 2016
What at first irritated me with its author's self-involved concerns about how going to the "dark place" of exploring Iris Chang's life would affect her, and its intimations of conspiracy theory, and its unnecessary recaps of what Chang wrote in The Rape of Nanking (since anyone reading this has already read that), turned into a pretty respectable work of investigation of Chang's life and mental health (she was bipolar) and a methodical de-construction of the conspiracy theories about the Japanese and U.S. governments and their roles in Chang's suicide.
January 23, 2024
This is a book best read after learning more about Iris Chang from other sources (e.g., "The Woman Who Could Not Forget") inasmuch as they complement each other.
Iris Chang was the author of "The Rape of Nanking" that revealed the harrowing story of Japanese atrocities during WWII. She went on to write a history of Chinese in America and had begun research on the Bataan death march when she suffered what we used to call a nervous breakdown. After psychiatric treatments and psychotropic drugs, she took her own life leaving her husband and young child behind as well as a raft of questions about why someone with so much promise decided to end it all.
Complicating Iris' story is the belief held by many of her friends that she led the perfect life and had so much going for her: good looks, academic and professional achievement, great connections, drive for success, handsome and understanding husband, a beautiful kid. What was missing?
Kamen explores the possible answers to that question helping to round out the story presented in Ying-Ying Chang's book. However, I am inclined to agree with those who have criticized Kamen's book because of what appears a professional bias and nit-picking to find fault with her former friend.
Nevertheless, some of that nit-picking gives us a perspective into Iris' mindset and personality. In the end, we can conclude that the loss of Iris Chang was a tragedy that few would have been prepared for at the time.
Iris Chang was the author of "The Rape of Nanking" that revealed the harrowing story of Japanese atrocities during WWII. She went on to write a history of Chinese in America and had begun research on the Bataan death march when she suffered what we used to call a nervous breakdown. After psychiatric treatments and psychotropic drugs, she took her own life leaving her husband and young child behind as well as a raft of questions about why someone with so much promise decided to end it all.
Complicating Iris' story is the belief held by many of her friends that she led the perfect life and had so much going for her: good looks, academic and professional achievement, great connections, drive for success, handsome and understanding husband, a beautiful kid. What was missing?
Kamen explores the possible answers to that question helping to round out the story presented in Ying-Ying Chang's book. However, I am inclined to agree with those who have criticized Kamen's book because of what appears a professional bias and nit-picking to find fault with her former friend.
Nevertheless, some of that nit-picking gives us a perspective into Iris' mindset and personality. In the end, we can conclude that the loss of Iris Chang was a tragedy that few would have been prepared for at the time.
August 17, 2018
I am fairly picky about the audiobooks I listen to and the non-fiction books I read so I was quite surprised by how much I loved this. After listening to The Rape of Nanking, I felt compelled to read more on the subject. Upon my research, I found this book and was saddened to find out that Iris Chang took her own life in 2004. I was curious to learn more about Chang and her mental illness so I decided to listen to this book. I am not familiar with biographies, but I believe that the author did a great job at piecing together Iris' life and her silent struggles with bipolar disorder. I have a close friend that has depression and this look into Iris' life gave me a whole new perspective on his behavior and struggles. I've never grown attached to a person posthumously, but I can't help but admire Iris Chang. It deeply saddens me to know that the world lost such an incredible spirit and I have no doubt in my mind that if she was alive today that she would be doing incredible journalism that would benefit society.
June 21, 2018
Wow! Where to begin! I had Iris Chang’s book, The Rape of Naking, on my list for a long time when I stumbled on Finding Iris Chang written by one of her friends. I was not even aware that she died at the young age of 36. This book is focused on her life. She was a brilliant, talented, and driven author and journalist who seemed unstoppable. Most people, even close friends, were totally unaware that Iris was bipolar and dealing with depression. She became more and more paranoid and thought she was being followed because of writing about atrocities by Japanese military in China during WWII. She was doing research for her next book about the Bataan Death March when she succumbed to her mental conditions and killed herself. After this book I am reading Rape of Nanking. Definitely recommended for anyone who is studying WWII, War in the Pacific, Japan & China. More people should get to know such a special person as Iris Chang.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
November 2, 2020
There are always parts of someone’s life that you don’t know and will never know regardless of how close you are. The author’s quest to find out more about her friend, Iris Chang and her tragic death shed some lights into the dark side that Chang faced during the course of her life. While the author’s tone was filled of guilt with her friend death, i couldn’t help but notice the jealousy that she harbored towards Chang’s extraordinary drive and success also! Chang probably felt the same thing and that could probably why she didn’t want to open up too much to so-called “friends”; but rather maintaining the on-surface relationships! Overall, if you read The Rape of Nanking and want to learn more about Iris Chang, this is a book to read. It also gives sneak peek into the mental health issue among Asian/ Asian American communities: Mental health was and still is a stigma!
January 11, 2025
I absolutely disliked this book.
First of all the writing was awful.
Second of all this writer who calls herself a “friend” is fake. It didn’t feel like i was reading from a friend’s perspective. It felt more of the perspective of a very jealous “friend” who is using Iris status to try to became like her (never).
I totally understand that Iris was probably not a perfect person. But it felt like this “friend” was describing Iris as the weirdest person on earth, but after she became famous she was her best friends. And know that she’s dead she feels “so” sorry.
I kinda think it’s very rude. Like she uses the fact that she was Iris “friend” to write this book and become famous. I don’t like to say this but it also almost felt like the way she is describing Iris as if that was the cause of her death. Very disrespectful.
I’m just really mad, disappointed and disgusted.
First of all the writing was awful.
Second of all this writer who calls herself a “friend” is fake. It didn’t feel like i was reading from a friend’s perspective. It felt more of the perspective of a very jealous “friend” who is using Iris status to try to became like her (never).
I totally understand that Iris was probably not a perfect person. But it felt like this “friend” was describing Iris as the weirdest person on earth, but after she became famous she was her best friends. And know that she’s dead she feels “so” sorry.
I kinda think it’s very rude. Like she uses the fact that she was Iris “friend” to write this book and become famous. I don’t like to say this but it also almost felt like the way she is describing Iris as if that was the cause of her death. Very disrespectful.
I’m just really mad, disappointed and disgusted.
February 5, 2019
I identified with much of Iris’ life being an Asian American. The invalidating of my gnawing feelings and inner turmoil, and being told I should feel grateful to grow up in America when my parents grew up in less than perfect circumstances. The living up to the model minority and keeping the family name squeaky clean. I’m happy to have become self-aware with the help of God, but I know others in the Asian-American community are not as fortunate and are under so much unneeded pressure to the point that they may crack any second. Mental health is SUCH a big concern for this particular community that needs to be brought to light. It can help save lives.
April 24, 2018
Having read Iris Chang's book, "The Rape of Nanking," I was interested in learning more about her. This book, "Finding Iris Chang," was written by a friend and colleague of Iris's, who admired her and explored why such a talented person would take her own life. While I was interested in the details of Iris's life, I decided I had learned enough and stopped about three-fourths of the way through the book.
August 21, 2023
I enjoyed this opportunity to dig deeper into the life of Iris Chang and see how she became the successful author and advocate that she was. It was sad, yet very informative to see how her particular life experiences and predispositions led the her tragic fate.
I enjoyed the thorough research. I felt like it was a bit disjointed at times and could have been a bit more condensed.
A great read for those who finishing Chang’s Rape of Nanking.
I enjoyed the thorough research. I felt like it was a bit disjointed at times and could have been a bit more condensed.
A great read for those who finishing Chang’s Rape of Nanking.
January 18, 2018
Part-eulogy, part-exploration into the depths of mental illness, part-memoir of the author's own personal grieving process after the loss of a friend and icon. Iris Chang was a brilliant mind who clearly meant so much to so many people. Hopefully her story shines a light on the stigma against mental illness within the world at large and more specifically within the Asian American community.
May 6, 2021
Agree with most of the other reviewers' criticism of Paula Kamen (Writing about her as a somewhat casual former friend who missed most of the final years of her life) and there are some parts of Iris' life, illness and death that should have been delved into more but still a worthy read on a fascinating life.
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June 22, 2023It feels like writing has changed over the years and the point of view of the author can sometimes take center stage to the alleged subject of the book. This book is an example of that type of writing.
June 12, 2017
I really enjoyed this book. I appreciated the author's insights into bipolar disorder and mental illness in the Asian community.
December 7, 2018
A great book on an author who found success very early and whose life ended much too soon. The author makes a good attempt at giving the readers a picture of a very complex person.
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August 16, 2011Finding Iris Chang: Friendship, Ambition, and the Loss of an Extraordinary Mind, by Paula Kamen, Narrated by Bernadette Dunn, Produced by Blackstone Audio, Downloaded from audible.com.
Iris Chang in her short life wrote three books about Chinese history. Two of them involved issues for people from China as immigrants to America. The book for which she was best known, and which became a best seller, was The Rape of Nanking, detailing for the first time, the horrendous massacre over a two-month period in 1937 of the Chinese of the town by Japanese soldiers. This book, in particular, put her in touch with some of the worst atrocities seen in the 20th century, similar to those suffered in Uganda in a similar short period of time. Her fearless reputation made it all the more shocking when she committed suicide in 2004 at age 36. Paula Kamen, who met Iris in college at U. of Illinois, and kept in contact as close friends through the rest of her life, researched for two years to determine, mostly for herself, how someone like Iris, who had beauty, a supportive family, a supportive husband, and fame and money from her books, should have wanted to kill herself. Everyone saw her as perfect, and most of her colleagues, at one time or another, were jealous of her constant successes and her inability to be social. . For example, she once asked an editor of the Chicago Tribune where she was working, how she could go about getting her job. She probably meant getting an editor’s job altogether, but it was a socially inept way of asking the question. Through letters, diaries, and her own memories and investigative journalism, Kamen fills in the surprising gaps in
Chang's personal transformation, from awkward teen to world-class writer and lecturer, and, finally, into mental illness and paranoia. Along the way, she discovered things that will be helpful to many professionals-to Asian professional women who are expected to be the “model minority” who can hold down careers, work tirelessly, and raise a family. Kamen also spent time thinking about the effect on journalists of covering one horrible tragedy after another. She suggests that journalists have access to supportive therapy regarding post traumatic stress-support similar to that now given to fire and police and paramedic departments, and support routinely used by human rights activists dealing with torture victims. I had not heard of Iris Chang before this last weekend. I turned on C-span Booknotes and listened to what turned out to be an interview recorded with Iris in 1998 regarding “The Rape of Nanking”. I was enthralled with her intelligence, her willingness to answer any question put to her by a rather pushy journalist, and the information she brought to bear on the subject. When I looked her up later on Google and found that she had killed herself in 2004, I was as shocked and saddened as everyone else was at the time. We truly lost an incredible mind who could have given much more to the world if she had cared more carefully for herself, or if her friends and family had realized that she was in serious danger of killing herself.
Iris Chang in her short life wrote three books about Chinese history. Two of them involved issues for people from China as immigrants to America. The book for which she was best known, and which became a best seller, was The Rape of Nanking, detailing for the first time, the horrendous massacre over a two-month period in 1937 of the Chinese of the town by Japanese soldiers. This book, in particular, put her in touch with some of the worst atrocities seen in the 20th century, similar to those suffered in Uganda in a similar short period of time. Her fearless reputation made it all the more shocking when she committed suicide in 2004 at age 36. Paula Kamen, who met Iris in college at U. of Illinois, and kept in contact as close friends through the rest of her life, researched for two years to determine, mostly for herself, how someone like Iris, who had beauty, a supportive family, a supportive husband, and fame and money from her books, should have wanted to kill herself. Everyone saw her as perfect, and most of her colleagues, at one time or another, were jealous of her constant successes and her inability to be social. . For example, she once asked an editor of the Chicago Tribune where she was working, how she could go about getting her job. She probably meant getting an editor’s job altogether, but it was a socially inept way of asking the question. Through letters, diaries, and her own memories and investigative journalism, Kamen fills in the surprising gaps in
Chang's personal transformation, from awkward teen to world-class writer and lecturer, and, finally, into mental illness and paranoia. Along the way, she discovered things that will be helpful to many professionals-to Asian professional women who are expected to be the “model minority” who can hold down careers, work tirelessly, and raise a family. Kamen also spent time thinking about the effect on journalists of covering one horrible tragedy after another. She suggests that journalists have access to supportive therapy regarding post traumatic stress-support similar to that now given to fire and police and paramedic departments, and support routinely used by human rights activists dealing with torture victims. I had not heard of Iris Chang before this last weekend. I turned on C-span Booknotes and listened to what turned out to be an interview recorded with Iris in 1998 regarding “The Rape of Nanking”. I was enthralled with her intelligence, her willingness to answer any question put to her by a rather pushy journalist, and the information she brought to bear on the subject. When I looked her up later on Google and found that she had killed herself in 2004, I was as shocked and saddened as everyone else was at the time. We truly lost an incredible mind who could have given much more to the world if she had cared more carefully for herself, or if her friends and family had realized that she was in serious danger of killing herself.
June 26, 2021
This book is a journalist's biography of her fellow journalist friend. This isn't always a heartfelt read, and sometimes this book is hard to read because Biographer Paula Kamen writes about Iris Chang as a journalistic subject rather than as a friend. As any of us might learn about a friend, there's always much you never know, maybe things you aren't meant to know, and in this case, startling secrets and discoveries.
This is a very well researched book (I don't even care that the big discovery came while the book was in the galleys). This book is important because Iris Chang is one of the most important writers/researchers of the 20th century. The subtitle of the book "Friendship, Ambition, and the Tragic Loss of an Extraordinary Mind,” and the book is definitely all this.
In addition, author Kamen does something to demartyr Chang, and to show how Chang was human, not superhuman despite her accomplishments, and that she was succeptible to falling down, losing her way. This book offers insightful information on humanizing mental illness, acceptance of it in one’s self and others, and learning to live with it rather than denying it. This book is a difficult read at times because Iris Change was such a successful and influential person that even the author who was her friend has trouble dealing with her human foibles in spite of her accomplishments.
This is a very well researched book (I don't even care that the big discovery came while the book was in the galleys). This book is important because Iris Chang is one of the most important writers/researchers of the 20th century. The subtitle of the book "Friendship, Ambition, and the Tragic Loss of an Extraordinary Mind,” and the book is definitely all this.
In addition, author Kamen does something to demartyr Chang, and to show how Chang was human, not superhuman despite her accomplishments, and that she was succeptible to falling down, losing her way. This book offers insightful information on humanizing mental illness, acceptance of it in one’s self and others, and learning to live with it rather than denying it. This book is a difficult read at times because Iris Change was such a successful and influential person that even the author who was her friend has trouble dealing with her human foibles in spite of her accomplishments.
March 2, 2008
This is an intimate and startling look into an activist's impressive, tragic life. I read Iris's book "The Rape of Nanking" when I was in college and remember feeling moved by her writing and shocked by the historical accounts of the Japanese occupation of Nanking during WW II. Even though I never read her other stuff I was saddened when I heard about her suicide. She was 36, successful, and had left behind a 2-year-old. It was strange. When this book came out, I was immediately intrigued. I was also starting my Psych clinicals and was learning about bipolar illness. Iris was bipolar but no one knew about it until very late. This book gives haunting accounts of interactions with Iris that might be considered major clues to a disorder, but they were overlooked or underestimated.
This book was strange in that it feels like part investigative journalism and part memoir about the author's relationship with Iris. Unfortunately, the author's voice felt intrusive and annoying much of the time. The author seemed to use the book as her own therapy, which was distracting. The content was also a little repetitive. Still, chunks of it are worth reading b/c Iris was an interesting person and the author addresses important issues concerning mental illness.
This book was strange in that it feels like part investigative journalism and part memoir about the author's relationship with Iris. Unfortunately, the author's voice felt intrusive and annoying much of the time. The author seemed to use the book as her own therapy, which was distracting. The content was also a little repetitive. Still, chunks of it are worth reading b/c Iris was an interesting person and the author addresses important issues concerning mental illness.
February 28, 2011
Iris Chang was the author of three books, including the blockbuster The Rape of Nanking: The Forgotten Holocaust of WWII. Kamen, also an accomplished journalist and author of four books, was first Iris's rival at the University of Illinois Champagne-Urbana and then, for many years, an admiring and close friend. Kamen's is a book by a writer about a writer, or rather, the biography of a rich and evolving writerly friendship with a violent end, for Iris Chang was found shot to death in a car by the side of the road near her home in northern California. Chang was then working on a book about the Bataan Death March, and as she had a small son, a happy marriage, and blazingly successly career, many people found it easy to believe she had been murdered, though, as Kamen explains at length, Chang's life was not what it appeared. Kamen's is a deeply moving book that should be read by anyone who is or would be a writer; it's a terrible lesson in the dangers of unbalanced ambition and, at the same time, ironically, the advantages of unbounded ambition. Beautifully written and researched, this is a work to be savored, both on the page, and in many meditations afterwards. I know I will be rereading this one.
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