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From This Day Forward by Cokie Roberts
After thirty years together, Cokie and Steve Roberts know something about marriage and after thirty distinguished years in journalism, they know how to write about it. In From This Day Forward, Cokie and Steve weave their personal stories of matrimony into a wider reflection on the state of marriage in America today. Here they write with the same conversational style that catapulted Cokie's We Are Our Mother's Daughters to the top of the New York Times bestseller list. They ruminate on their early worries about their different faiths—she's Catholic, he's Jewish—and describe their wedding day at Cokie's childhood home. They discuss the struggle to balance careers and parenthood, and how they compromise when they disagree. They also tell the stories of other American that of John and Abigail Adams, and those pioneers, slaves and immigrants. They offer stories of broken marriages as well, of contemporary families living through the "divorce revolution". Taken together, these tales reveal the special nature of the wedding bond in America. Wise and funny, this book is more than an endearing chronicle of a loving marriage—it is a story of all husbands and wives, and how they support and strengthen each other.
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First published January 21, 2000
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About the author
Cokie Roberts
27 books135 followersCokie Roberts was an American journalist and bestselling author. Her career included decades as a political reporter and analyst for National Public Radio and ABC News, with prominent positions on Morning Edition, The MacNeil/Lehrer NewsHour, World News Tonight, and This Week.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 33 reviews
May 29, 2016
From This Day Forward is the portrait of many marriages. Heterosexual marriages, with an unapologetic focus on the Roberts's own matrimony (and political connections, beginning with litany of famed guests at their "black tie wedding"). (Did I fail to mention their wedding gifts, many of which "[i]n fact ... look like they were stolen because they just say Representative 'X' on them."?) But despite the heteronormative focus on the virtues of heterosexual marriages, I could normally throw a two-star bone their way for some nicely edited discussion of Abigail and John Adams.
So where did the other star go? That star experienced a violent supernova at such point as I reached the Danish discussion. The passage appeared at page 17, and it set the tone for much of the rest of the book. Cokie explained, as she tired for waiting for a proposal from Steven:
"I decided I was wasting the best years of my life. I was twenty-two and I was about to be an old maid! Steven began to get a sense of how fed up I was one day when we stopped at a rest stop on the Jersey Turnpike and decided to share a Danish pastry. I was raised to believe a woman always gave a man the best piece of everything, and Steven was raised to expect that. That day, when I ate the center out of the Danish and left him the crust, he knew I was really ticked. I finally said, 'I am not doing this anymore, I'm going to California.' And I really meant it."
Similar episodes followed: Cokie missed an interview in London so that Steven could buy himself a Burberry coat. (But, in his defense, "the trench coat was cool. Lots of rings and pockets and epaulets. It made me a [sic] feel a bit like Snoopy, getting off a plane in a new country, carrying my typewriter and muttering to myself, 'Here's the world-famous foreign correspondent...'"). Living in Greece, "Steve was away all the time," so Cokie had to turn down a job with CBS to act as caretaker for their two children. And then the stupefying discussion regarding the differences between men and women's communication styles in which Steven admits, "And even though it's true that the way women talk can be irritating, it's also true that I generally prefer the company of women to men." (No really, thanks for your support, champ!)
So in the end, this book is really about a portrait of a marriage that looks nothing like a marriage I would want. Skip the book and find a partner who encourages you to enjoy your own Danish.
So where did the other star go? That star experienced a violent supernova at such point as I reached the Danish discussion. The passage appeared at page 17, and it set the tone for much of the rest of the book. Cokie explained, as she tired for waiting for a proposal from Steven:
"I decided I was wasting the best years of my life. I was twenty-two and I was about to be an old maid! Steven began to get a sense of how fed up I was one day when we stopped at a rest stop on the Jersey Turnpike and decided to share a Danish pastry. I was raised to believe a woman always gave a man the best piece of everything, and Steven was raised to expect that. That day, when I ate the center out of the Danish and left him the crust, he knew I was really ticked. I finally said, 'I am not doing this anymore, I'm going to California.' And I really meant it."
Similar episodes followed: Cokie missed an interview in London so that Steven could buy himself a Burberry coat. (But, in his defense, "the trench coat was cool. Lots of rings and pockets and epaulets. It made me a [sic] feel a bit like Snoopy, getting off a plane in a new country, carrying my typewriter and muttering to myself, 'Here's the world-famous foreign correspondent...'"). Living in Greece, "Steve was away all the time," so Cokie had to turn down a job with CBS to act as caretaker for their two children. And then the stupefying discussion regarding the differences between men and women's communication styles in which Steven admits, "And even though it's true that the way women talk can be irritating, it's also true that I generally prefer the company of women to men." (No really, thanks for your support, champ!)
So in the end, this book is really about a portrait of a marriage that looks nothing like a marriage I would want. Skip the book and find a partner who encourages you to enjoy your own Danish.
July 8, 2011
As the child of divorce, this book upsets me a little — marriage: not inherently awesome. Also the history of marriage that the authors assume is, uh, wrong. And holy unexamined privilege, Batman, on pretty much every axis I can think of.
But it's fluently written, the pseudo-case studies are interesting, and the glimpses into the negotiation of a 1960's inter-faith marriage are fascinating.
Worth reading, perhaps, certainly not worth re-reading.
But it's fluently written, the pseudo-case studies are interesting, and the glimpses into the negotiation of a 1960's inter-faith marriage are fascinating.
Worth reading, perhaps, certainly not worth re-reading.
August 10, 2010
I really enjoyed this book a lot. It was written in interview form and at times I had to see who was talking. It was quite interesting how Cokie being Catholic and Steve being Jewish celebrated the holidays and managed to bring both their religions into their family. They had such great respect for one another and their families that they would not have slighted either ones family. They have two children a boy and a girl. When they both married they included both religions in their ceremonies. It is definitely a book I would recommend.
March 6, 2019
Most of the audio books I listen to I choose randomly from the library for drive time listening. If the cover and short summary look interesting, I give the book a try. This was one of those books; I'm glad that I happened upon it.
The chapters read by Steve and Cokie were their own marriage story. In my opinion, these were the chapters that carried the book. The "history of marriage in America" chapters were a mixed bag of interest to me.
Steve and Cokie read the chapters written about their marriage and family. By the end of the book, I wanted to be their friend. I remember saying to myself as I listened, "I wish I had the opportunity to listen to their stories when my husband and I were first married and raising our family. It would have been so valuable to have my picture of marriage and family broadened by their perspectives."
I decided while listening to this book that every young married couple should read their book and every other memoir that lifers have written. Why?
We all come into marriage and family with what we know. What if what we know is limited or even downright destructive because of our family of origin. What if our experience limits our potential -- what we don't know might not hurt us, but what if a different perspective could greatly benefit us. Because of these what ifs, I think there would be great value in taking a look at what lifers have done/are doing to keep their relationships strong and their family growing. If I wanted to become a great artist, I'd study great artists. If I want a great marriage, it makes sense to study great marriages.
What did the Roberts's do that impressed me? They kept a constancy of ritual and tradition. They stayed committed to and embraced one another's larger family. They opened themselves and their children up to new experiences and cultures. They showed great respect for one another and valued one another's differences. Granted, they had some things going for them that not every one has -- they admittedly state that their lives have been better than worse, richer than poor, and healthier than sick. It might be a little easier to make it 'til death do us part,' but no amount of advantage foolproof a marriage or partnership more than commitment. Til death do us part was and is their commitment.
The chapters read by Steve and Cokie were their own marriage story. In my opinion, these were the chapters that carried the book. The "history of marriage in America" chapters were a mixed bag of interest to me.
Steve and Cokie read the chapters written about their marriage and family. By the end of the book, I wanted to be their friend. I remember saying to myself as I listened, "I wish I had the opportunity to listen to their stories when my husband and I were first married and raising our family. It would have been so valuable to have my picture of marriage and family broadened by their perspectives."
I decided while listening to this book that every young married couple should read their book and every other memoir that lifers have written. Why?
We all come into marriage and family with what we know. What if what we know is limited or even downright destructive because of our family of origin. What if our experience limits our potential -- what we don't know might not hurt us, but what if a different perspective could greatly benefit us. Because of these what ifs, I think there would be great value in taking a look at what lifers have done/are doing to keep their relationships strong and their family growing. If I wanted to become a great artist, I'd study great artists. If I want a great marriage, it makes sense to study great marriages.
What did the Roberts's do that impressed me? They kept a constancy of ritual and tradition. They stayed committed to and embraced one another's larger family. They opened themselves and their children up to new experiences and cultures. They showed great respect for one another and valued one another's differences. Granted, they had some things going for them that not every one has -- they admittedly state that their lives have been better than worse, richer than poor, and healthier than sick. It might be a little easier to make it 'til death do us part,' but no amount of advantage foolproof a marriage or partnership more than commitment. Til death do us part was and is their commitment.
October 20, 2013
I was excited to read this book which promised to be an exploration of the history of marriage in America, interspersed with stories from Cokie and Steve Roberts's own long marriage. Still, rather than successfully integrating research, fact, and memory the way the best memoirs do, this book felt as though it were actually two different books that just happened to share the same space, and moving between the two was jarring. The sections about Cokie and Steve, while containing a few interesting anecdotes and reflections on the changes they saw in their own marriage, reeked of unexamined privilege (they assume their kids will go to Ivy League schools, mention that 700 people came to their daughter's wedding, and namedrop all the important correspondents, politicians, etc., they hobnob with). They were also basically just edited transcripts of Cokie and Steve talking about marriage, which was less moving to me than it would have been to read some more reflective writing that came from them directly; although this probably gave a better feel for the "dynamic" of their relationship, since you saw the back and forth of the conversation. Still, I was interested in a narrative, not an interview.
Cokie and Steve are both smart people and competent journalists, and while there's nothing really wrong with the writing here, it's less engaging than it could be. The historical sections are overwhelming with long paragraphs and too many names to keep track of, although, like the transcripts, they contain moments of higher interest.
Still, not one of the strongest marriage books I've read, nor as compelling as I would have liked it to be to help me forget I was 36,000 feet in the air (I read over half the book on my trip to Puerto Rico.)
Cokie and Steve are both smart people and competent journalists, and while there's nothing really wrong with the writing here, it's less engaging than it could be. The historical sections are overwhelming with long paragraphs and too many names to keep track of, although, like the transcripts, they contain moments of higher interest.
Still, not one of the strongest marriage books I've read, nor as compelling as I would have liked it to be to help me forget I was 36,000 feet in the air (I read over half the book on my trip to Puerto Rico.)
December 4, 2012
Page xvi
The words in the marriage ceremony “from this day forward” are scary. At the moment a couple exchange those vows, they can never know what they really mean, what hills and valleys stretch out in from of them in the years ahead. But if you take the words seriously, there is no going back. There’s only the future, unlimited and unknowable, and the promise to make the journey together.
Page 45
Abigail Adams: I rejoice in a preacher who has some warmth, some energy, some feeling. “Deliver me from your cold phlegmatic preachers, politicians, friends, lovers and husbands. I thank heaven I am not so constituted myself and so connected.” Ahem.
Page 352
In writing this book we came to realize that all marriages are mixed marriages, starting with those between a man and a woman. The whole notion that differences between religions are greater than the differences between genders is ridiculous.
Page 353
The problem with divorce in this country is that it is not an effective deterrent to marriage.
Kind of like you say at the end – it’s nice to have older friends who aren’t your parents.” By the way, it’s nice to have younger friends who are not your children.
The words in the marriage ceremony “from this day forward” are scary. At the moment a couple exchange those vows, they can never know what they really mean, what hills and valleys stretch out in from of them in the years ahead. But if you take the words seriously, there is no going back. There’s only the future, unlimited and unknowable, and the promise to make the journey together.
Page 45
Abigail Adams: I rejoice in a preacher who has some warmth, some energy, some feeling. “Deliver me from your cold phlegmatic preachers, politicians, friends, lovers and husbands. I thank heaven I am not so constituted myself and so connected.” Ahem.
Page 352
In writing this book we came to realize that all marriages are mixed marriages, starting with those between a man and a woman. The whole notion that differences between religions are greater than the differences between genders is ridiculous.
Page 353
The problem with divorce in this country is that it is not an effective deterrent to marriage.
Kind of like you say at the end – it’s nice to have older friends who aren’t your parents.” By the way, it’s nice to have younger friends who are not your children.
February 18, 2008
I enjoyed this book in the parts where they deal with theirmarriage, but didn't really enjoy when they discuss other couples. Their relationship is interesting because of their careers, their families and their religious differences.
I found the description of their early years was particularly interesting as was the poart where they cover their life abroad.
I admire Cokie Roberts as a journalist and as a women, so I found her telling of the evolution of her career fascinating. She often says she never expected to get as far as she has due to the time in which she grew up.
I would definitely recommend this book.
I found the description of their early years was particularly interesting as was the poart where they cover their life abroad.
I admire Cokie Roberts as a journalist and as a women, so I found her telling of the evolution of her career fascinating. She often says she never expected to get as far as she has due to the time in which she grew up.
I would definitely recommend this book.
March 26, 2011
Observations and a bit of advice from their 30+ years of marriage. Of course I most enjoyed the sections about their kids going off to college and later marrying.
Best advice: "When kids made a decision for themselves, they have a vested interest in showing they were right. Lee wanted to prove to me that he had made the right choice, so he worked hard and did will. If we'd forced him to go to college somewhere else, all the incentives would've been different. Then he would have had a motive to prove that we were wrong."
The sections on divorce and step-families were a drag. i did not enjoy this book nearly as much as We Are Our Mother's Daughters>
Best advice: "When kids made a decision for themselves, they have a vested interest in showing they were right. Lee wanted to prove to me that he had made the right choice, so he worked hard and did will. If we'd forced him to go to college somewhere else, all the incentives would've been different. Then he would have had a motive to prove that we were wrong."
The sections on divorce and step-families were a drag. i did not enjoy this book nearly as much as We Are Our Mother's Daughters>
March 1, 2014
I couldn't put this book down for very long. We met Cokie at a black tie event where she was being honored that we went to in New York a few years back. She is a class act. This book takes the reader all over the world across decades and deep into the family this Jewish/Catholic couple forged together. A few inserted chapters detail colonial and frontier marriage life and even divorce and mixed families. The chapters by Steve and Cokie are told in alternating first person style--an excellent way to see both sides. It should come as no surprise that two professional writers joined together creates a very engaging read.
August 22, 2011
I really enjoyed reading this book... the Roberts' reminisce about their lives and talk about some of the challenges they have faced throughout their marriage, but they don't offer solutions to the problems so much as provide points to think about as you search for a solution to your own problems and challenges. The vignettes of other couples that are interspersed are a little distracting as they don't really seem to add to the overall aim of the book, but they are at times entertaining.
September 23, 2013
I am a fan of Cokie Roberts and NPR and enjoy learning about differing religions so I had to read this book. I was not disappointed. I really enjoyed learning about Cokie's "mixed" marriage (Catholic and Jewish)and the beautifully way they combine the two religions. Getting an insight into Cokie's amazing life on Capital Hill was a lot of fun to..
July 30, 2015
What a refreshing read after having forced myself to finish 'Paris, a Love Story', Kati Marton's book about herself.
Written in a conversational style, the Roberts' humility, sense of humor, and deep caring for each other, their family and their friends, shines through. They come across as people you'd like to have move in next door.
Written in a conversational style, the Roberts' humility, sense of humor, and deep caring for each other, their family and their friends, shines through. They come across as people you'd like to have move in next door.
July 2, 2008
Love this book! First of all, they come from my alum area- Boston. Second this couple is brilliant. Third, I love how this couple is in love and merge different religious beliefs. It's a great story.
August 22, 2011
Getting used to two voices was easy compared to the alternate chapters with the history of marriage. I liked hearing about the Roberts' lives and their mixed religion marriage, but could have done without the rest.
July 22, 2014
A bit of history on the Boggs family, combinded with a wonderful story on Cokie and Steve's marriage. I particularly enjoyed the blending of the faith traditions. The historical vignettes were very enlightening.
March 10, 2016
I always enjoy Cokie Roberts on TV so I found this book in the ship's library. I have to admit that I skimmed through the chapters about other things, but loved their interviewing style of the rest of the book.
February 19, 2008
A great book to listen to in the car. Both Cokie and Steve's own words and voices.
May 15, 2008
Kind of rambling, and with no clear "bottom line" about marriage, but a lot of fascinating stories that provide good food for thought.
July 31, 2009
Great book about marriage. Conversation with the Robertes with example of how other marriages work/don't. Good info, interesting, definitely NOT preachy!
August 23, 2010
I really enjoyed this. A Jewish man and a Catholic woman, both with big careers, put their marriage and family first! How about that!
did-not-finish
September 12, 2016Read 3/4ths.
May 4, 2013
Good read, just bogged down in the end.
August 18, 2013
Great reading, but what to expect from those two good journalists.
February 17, 2017
I listened to this book on tape. What a wonderful story and testament to blending a marriage with diverse religion. It was wonderful.= Enjoy the Moments
September 3, 2015
A limousine-liberal news vulture couple come off as almost human, and show great respect and valuation for marriage throughout American history.
May 15, 2016
A light, easy read. Pro marriage, pro family from two people who have extremely busy, hectic lives. Hard to imagine how they balance it.
October 24, 2019
I enjoyed it. RIP Cokie.
December 16, 2022
A very sweet book about marriage.
April 30, 2024
A very sweet, personal insight into their marriage (particularly the way they worked out their interfaith issues) as well as a historical look at marriage in America. A fun, interesting read.
November 25, 2022
Fabulous story of how these two of different faiths commit to embracing and celebrating both. While both occupy high octane careers - Cokie comes by it honestly from her senator mother who succeeded Cokie’s father upon his death - they find a way to keep family first. Anecdotes like Sam Rayburn presiding over (and singing!) at Cokie’s pet funeral when she was a child and he, the powerful Speaker of the House wistfully remind us of a political time long gone. A rich story with some dark chapters (notably the one about divorcees they have known), the book remains a wonderful and entertaining read about media, family and most all a successful marriage.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 33 reviews