In his coming of age memoir Still Life With Brass Pole, screenwriter Craig Machen wastes no time elucidating his pull into the strip club culture. “I swear I can feel the heartbreak and anger and frustration and sex reaching out to me through those windowless walls,” he says. His urge to belong is palpable, and for some time he finds a home here, within the walls of strip clubs. With his raw voice and beautiful candor, Machen takes us into his culture, revealing what attracts its inhabitants, their psychological make up, and his place in it all. Born to adoptive parents who divorce (one of whom is abusive towards the young Machen) and navigating the world of sex, drugs and steroids, it’s a miracle that the narrator at an early age is able to transcend his given world.
Machen’s true foray into strip clubs begins when he is hired as a bouncer. During this stint, he encounters various women in and out of the trade, and takes us into their interior lives. There are times that he is a “full-blown sex junkie,” and doesn’t hold back to share that facet of himself. All along, Machen has turned to bodybuilding as his lodestar, “Thank God for bodybuilding,” he says. “It keeps me sane and gives me a sense of direction.” Arnold Schwarzenegger is his model for focus and discipline, as the narrator is in awe of his story from humble beginnings to superstar status.
Though Machen thrives in the strip club scene at first, the lust for it all begins to fade when he realizes that its inhabitants are on a “demented quest for intimacy,” which can only lead to loss. “This kind of sleaziness is a tar pit,” he says, “and no amount of rationalizing turns a cesspool into the Blue Lagoon.” Plus, Machen is now aware that he’s on a “self improvement project” to better himself, find a woman he can marry, have a child, and “walk in the light.”
Machen is immensely likable, brimming with keen observations and wise assessments about relationships and our deeper, darker drives. His story is at times hilariously funny, other times starkly stirring. The compassion he shows those he encounters on his path, whether friend of foe, is laudable. Particularly touching is his devotion to his younger sister Emily, who is caught in the dysfunctional relationship of her parents. It reminded me of Holden Caulfield’s care for his younger sister Phoebe in The Catcher in the Rye. For Machen, life is a good place, and even within the walls of the sex business, there is something really beautiful to find. It’s like the blue water lily that emerges from the swampy, murky ponds. What that beauty is, you will have to read to find out for yourself.