Discover the Origin of the Magdalena! Patience was not the first Magdalena. Not even the first to make her presence known in the modern Top Cow Universe. Go back and rediscover the origins of the Order of the Magdalena in this first of two “Origin” trade paperback volumes. This collected edition includes the first appearance of the Magdalena by Malachy Coney and superstar Joe Benitez when she came to slay Jackie Estacado in The Darkness Vol. 1 #15-#18. Also collected in this edition is the first three issue limited series starring the Magdalena by Marcia Chen (Wriathborn) and Joe Benitez.
The entire process of reading this terror can be summed up like this:
*reads book*
*laughs hysterically*
*flings book across room*
Who? What? HOW? How did something like this come out in 2015? The Dark Ages were ages ago...
I don't want to recount the plot because it gives me the hives just thinking about it. But in essence it is:
STORY 1
Magdalena (the new one) is sent out to kill Jackie Enchilada Esta-something Jackie has IQ reducing conversations with his literal demons A prostitute and an enthusiastic Christian zealot have a pointless conversation on a bus Some girl is dying of a coma somewhere and is somehow related to Jackie Maggie finds Jackie Fight scenes ensue where Maggie says meaningful things like, "The power of Christ compels you" and "OMG" Jackie and the tentacle monsters say meaningful things like "!@£% you, ^&*$!" They keep breaking things Meanwhile the Cardinal who sent Maggie on this mission turns out be less of a zealot than dude on the bus as he manipulates a young priest into dying Bus crashes but hooker lady and old dude don't die Because at some point Jackie broke the Spear of Destiny and it ended up with zealot dude Maggie continues to be annoyingly bigoted, Jackie hilariously annoying Maggie loses most of her clothing because that's how things work The lady of the night and the preacher somehow give the Spear to coma girl The preacher decides to convert the half-dressed girl by killing her in bloody fashion Coma girl wakes up as possibly insane creature Maggie decides she has to retreat advance in another direction and goes gome Jackie isn't having it Maggie commences the bathing ceremony which gives her the Magdalena's show-them-their-evil-past-power Jackie interrupts midway Josie and the Pussycats Maggie and the bombshell nuns fight Jackie, Maggie nude Jackie's having fun until Maggie does her Scarecrow thing on him The silly gargoyles are continuing their useless commentary Jackie ends the story by making a torture porn sculpture with the Spice Girls and a giant cross
STORY 2
Maggie is in a graveyard, sadly alive A vampire eats a priest and some other people Maggie strolls into priest's church Maggie starts a CSI investigation all by her lonesome She deduces it's a vampire and dismisses the idea Maggie goes back into graveyard and finds vampires She does a He-Man chant and the vampires pick their teeth with her They kindly leave her alive because plot Maggie calls in the Church's Black Ops team to help But turns out they aren't needed cause the vampires actually have a virus (vampirus?) Black Ops wants to kill them anyway Maggie puts her foot down...onto their faces Vampires escape, one Swat Kat dies Maggie dies by gratuitous stabbing Reader heaves a sigh of relief
STORY 2.5/3
Turns out the dead Maggie is the old Maggie Or so I think because my brain is dead Commence sleep-inducing backstory of the Magdalena Backstory turns out to be Dan Brown's Da Vinci Code word for word You wonder why you're reading this Story abruptly ends with no Maggie or Jackie anywhere in sight We get some lame exposition about the treacherous Cardinal from before I take painkillers to help with the migraine
I don't need to read the next one to know how it ends. Maggie dies of indigestion because she never had intestines to begin with:
I can't think of a single good thing to say. The art was bad, the characters were so stunted they were Smurfs, Maggie was freaking irritating and stupidly oversexualized, there were a million subplots making no sense and they made followers of any religion, Catholicism not withstanding, look downright idiotic. The only slightly entertaining thing was Jackie, who was only slightly less annoying than Maggie with the demons.
Whoever allowed this to even reach production stage, there's a special place for you in hell.
This features two stories, the first with the Magdalena taking on The Darkness and the second features her hunting down a creature. Even though they feature the same characters, the stories feel very different. Which is due to being told from Magdalena’s perspective in the second one whereas the first doesn’t have one. Overall, each arc has something over the other, the first has better art but the second has a better story.
I will say though that the first half focuses a little too heavily on church, it seems as though both The Darkness and Magdalena are playing second fiddle. It’s weird because the title they’d actually collecting is from The Darkness so you’d think Jackie would be the main focus. Jackie is easily the best character in the story though, if he wasn’t there it wouldn’t be nearly as interesting. As for the Magdalena herself, you don’t really know much about her. I’m pretty sure they don’t even say her name in this, it’s not Magdalena by the way she’s called Patience. Given the way things are set up it makes sense but I think they could have at least tried to flesh her out a bit more. I think they spend a little too much time at the church not focusing on the big 2, instead it’s about 2 priest which is ok but really it could have been summarized in 2 pages and would have had the same effect.
As for the second half, it’s a bit more difficult to summarize as something can be spolierish. So as I mentioned before she is hunting a creature, things turn bad pretty fast and if that wasn’t enough there are a few grey areas that she needs to think about. This one feels much more like a Magdalena story you get to know what drives her, what she believes in and what she is willing to do. I think it’s one of those stories where the less you know the more you enjoy it, any the creature is a
If you’ve read some Magdalena before but didn’t know her origin, this is a good place to start. Heck even if you’ve read some Darkness or Witchblade this might be up your alley, that’s how I got introduced to her.
The Magdalena can trace their family tree back to Jesus and they are tasked with giving evildoers the chance to repent before they are killed. Plus Vampires.
As a practicing, devout Roman Catholic (though not one without a sense of taste and humor), I thought the idea of a heroine for the faith was a great idea! And it is. . .but they portray the Magdalena with blind faith (kind of ditsy), which put me off because most people raised by nuns and priests tend to have a very astute education (think of the Jesuits, in this case). And they make mistakes, too, regarding the hierarchy of the Church. For example, in the Darkness issues, Father Jasper is portrayed as Cardinal Innocent's inferior, but he's wearing the clothing of a Cardinal (i.e., in red), which would never happen. In fact, I think the youngest cardinals were maybe in their mid to late 30s (and even then, that's an extreme rarity!) and Father Jasper appears to be in his late 20s at best (but. . . whatever. Artistic license. Maybe he just takes really good care of his skin). Some of the sidenote commentary/background facts are incorrect, too, or rather, based on a unverified heresay (probably from writers like Dan Brown). The truth is much more interesting (and entertaining) if the writers takes time to actually research it. But I get it--the comics want to glamorize it like Hollywood does. I haven't read the next volume, yet. I think I will, though, but passing final judgment.
This book came highly recommended by someone I usually really trust… I suspect it was all just a big joke. The art is the overly sexualized stylings of Top Cow in all its glory – ridiculous body proportions, spine breaking poses, barely-there outfits, and nudity are mandatory. Those don’t usually bother me much, but it goes so over the line here that I couldn’t get over that and enjoy the story. Not that there’s much of a story to enjoy. The first half of the book is actually some issues from The Darkness (another Top Cow series that I actually quite enjoyed back in the day), but Magdalena’s Catholic church origins are taken as an excuse to get overly verbose and poetic without the talent or respect to back it up. Even the few interesting bits get drowned out by an overworked script and poor attempts at deep plot. I’m not a “grasp the pearls and gasp” kind of Catholic, but wow does this book feel like a sacrilegious insult at times. The worst part is that I actually bought several volumes and now my “I paid for them now I have to read them” mentality won’t let me abandon the series.
One thing I don't like is the note from the one Magdalena to her daughter saying that Jesus wasn't God but was just a man. I'm okay with the premise that they're all descended from Mary Magdalene and that they have special powers because of that. But if we're to believe that they're also descended from Jesus, shouldn't he be God for them to have special powers? Writers, your logic has failed you.
Regardless of that plot hole, it's a strong story and I'm glad Top Cow decided to collect the series so I can read all of it since I'm bad at remembering to buy comics. ;)
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
Magdalena has got to be one of my top three favorite superheroes. She battles demons and is very impressive in battle against even the most menacing foes. This particular book had a different author than I am used to, but it gave The Magdalena's character a new taste, and I found it exremely entertaining. I loved this book!
The artwork in this graphic novel is amazing. i loved it. The story has a lot of religious reference's, so if this kind of thing bothers you it might offend. i liked the story and i think it was really good. this has part of the darkness universe and the origins obviously of the magdelena. This is a worthwhile purchase. Recommended
The DaVinci Code told in the style of '90s superhero comics: Lurid, often incomprehensible art, overwritten dialogue and narration, and characters and plot that don't even try to stay consistent.