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The Real Mother Goose
For nearly a century, The Real Mother Goose has delighted young children! For more than seventy-five years THE REAL MOTHER GOOSE has been delighting millions of children, and today the magic is as strong as ever. Heralded as the "standard" Mother Goose by parents, grandparents, teachers, and librarians, this wonderful book with Blanche Fisher Wright's lively, colorful pictures makes an enchanting introduction for the very young.Mother Goose rhymes are a vital part of childhood. And this collection of essential rhymes have been reproduced exactly as they have been repeated from generation to generation.
128 pages, Hardcover
First published January 1, 1916
394 people are currently reading
4414 people want to read
About the author
Blanche Fisher Wright
51 books16 followersBlanche Fisher Wright (1887 – 1938) was a children's book illustrator active in the 1910s. She is best known for illustrating The Real Mother Goose, published in 1916.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 390 reviews
July 10, 2019
My sister was given this book when we were little. I’m pretty sure it’s at the house still. Or maybe she took it for my niece. Either way, you can bet I read it a lot too. I was the bookish one. Just because it wasn’t mine didn’t mean I wasn’t gonna read it !! Haha. Right you guys ?!
October 14, 2018
The Real Mother Goose may not include my favorite kids’ rhyme to teach college freshmen. Many memorize it at first hearing:
“Little Robin Redbreast
Sitting on a pole—
Niddle noddle went his head
And poop went his hole.”
That was printed in early Mother Goose books in England, but maybe suppressed (like Sir John Suckling’s “Love is the fart / Of every heart,” 1646) until unearthed in the last few decades.
Speaking of England, these have a distinctly British accent, like "Little Robin Redbreast": that's the British bird, very small, while the American Robin is good-sized for a songbird. And "Itsy, bitsy spider went up the garden spout": it's the outdoor yard spout--the British word for "yard" is "garden." And there are more, yet we consider them American nursery rhymes.
I wonder how many kids learn Mother Goose now, maybe fewer than when I read ‘em to my kids four decades ago, though of course I’d learned dozens as a kid, and maybe now many learn from parents who also learned by hearing, not reading. Little Bo-Peep has lost her sheep, Little Boy Blue come blow your horn, and especially,
“Rain, rain, go away
Come again some other day,
Little Johnny wants to play.”
I say this in the rainy aftermath of Hurricane Michael on our south New England coast. Lots about shepherd kids and their sheep, some about pigs (and "This little piggy"), and of course much about field and hills,
“Jack and Jill went up the hill
To fetch a pail of water.
Jack fell down and broke his crown,
And Jill came tumbling after.”
Maybe this one needs revision; it suggests females can not avoid males’ calamities. I’m quite sure as a kid my sense of Jack’s broken crown was in fact a diadem, not a brain hemorrhage.
Besides rural geography, there’s many food references, like
“Pat-a-cake, pat-a-cake,
Baker’s man.
Bake me a cake
As fast as you can.
Pat it, and prick it,
And mark it with T.
Put it in the oven
For Tommy and me.”
But the most comprehensive dietary assessment,
“Jack Sprat could eat no fat,
His wife could eat no lean;
And so, betwixt them both,
They licked the platter clean.”
Debates about the health of fat or meat go back at least to the Renaissance, and Robert Burton’s Anatomy of Melancholy— which dicusses the effect of meat on depression (the Renaissance word for it, in the title).
Some are satires on cuteness, like “There was a little girl/ Who had a little curl,/ Right in the middle of her forehead./ When she was good, /She was very, very good;/ But when she was bad, she was horrid.” Longfellow wrote that, and the little curly girl strikes up an upstairs fit her mom mistakes for the boys’ fighting.
Then there's the astronomical ones, "Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star...like a diamond in the sky." Romeo tells us Juliet's eyes would be brighter than the fairest stars. But we are still on the nursery level about stars, "How I wonder what you are, / Up above the world so high...." And the meteorological ones, "Itsy, bitsy spider/ Went up the garden spout./ Down came the rain and/ Washed the spider out.// Out came the sun and/ Dried up all the rain./ The itsy, bitsy spider / Climbed up the spout again."
Many of the rhymes urge kids into athletic or physical skills, “Jack be nimble, Jack be quick,/ Jack jump over the Candle-stick.” Wonder what kids make of this if they’ve never seen a candlestick—or, implied in the verse, a candle in it, unless it’s a very tall candle-holder, which the past did feature.
“Little Robin Redbreast
Sitting on a pole—
Niddle noddle went his head
And poop went his hole.”
That was printed in early Mother Goose books in England, but maybe suppressed (like Sir John Suckling’s “Love is the fart / Of every heart,” 1646) until unearthed in the last few decades.
Speaking of England, these have a distinctly British accent, like "Little Robin Redbreast": that's the British bird, very small, while the American Robin is good-sized for a songbird. And "Itsy, bitsy spider went up the garden spout": it's the outdoor yard spout--the British word for "yard" is "garden." And there are more, yet we consider them American nursery rhymes.
I wonder how many kids learn Mother Goose now, maybe fewer than when I read ‘em to my kids four decades ago, though of course I’d learned dozens as a kid, and maybe now many learn from parents who also learned by hearing, not reading. Little Bo-Peep has lost her sheep, Little Boy Blue come blow your horn, and especially,
“Rain, rain, go away
Come again some other day,
Little Johnny wants to play.”
I say this in the rainy aftermath of Hurricane Michael on our south New England coast. Lots about shepherd kids and their sheep, some about pigs (and "This little piggy"), and of course much about field and hills,
“Jack and Jill went up the hill
To fetch a pail of water.
Jack fell down and broke his crown,
And Jill came tumbling after.”
Maybe this one needs revision; it suggests females can not avoid males’ calamities. I’m quite sure as a kid my sense of Jack’s broken crown was in fact a diadem, not a brain hemorrhage.
Besides rural geography, there’s many food references, like
“Pat-a-cake, pat-a-cake,
Baker’s man.
Bake me a cake
As fast as you can.
Pat it, and prick it,
And mark it with T.
Put it in the oven
For Tommy and me.”
But the most comprehensive dietary assessment,
“Jack Sprat could eat no fat,
His wife could eat no lean;
And so, betwixt them both,
They licked the platter clean.”
Debates about the health of fat or meat go back at least to the Renaissance, and Robert Burton’s Anatomy of Melancholy— which dicusses the effect of meat on depression (the Renaissance word for it, in the title).
Some are satires on cuteness, like “There was a little girl/ Who had a little curl,/ Right in the middle of her forehead./ When she was good, /She was very, very good;/ But when she was bad, she was horrid.” Longfellow wrote that, and the little curly girl strikes up an upstairs fit her mom mistakes for the boys’ fighting.
Then there's the astronomical ones, "Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star...like a diamond in the sky." Romeo tells us Juliet's eyes would be brighter than the fairest stars. But we are still on the nursery level about stars, "How I wonder what you are, / Up above the world so high...." And the meteorological ones, "Itsy, bitsy spider/ Went up the garden spout./ Down came the rain and/ Washed the spider out.// Out came the sun and/ Dried up all the rain./ The itsy, bitsy spider / Climbed up the spout again."
Many of the rhymes urge kids into athletic or physical skills, “Jack be nimble, Jack be quick,/ Jack jump over the Candle-stick.” Wonder what kids make of this if they’ve never seen a candlestick—or, implied in the verse, a candle in it, unless it’s a very tall candle-holder, which the past did feature.
Read
June 25, 20191. The Real Mother Goose
This is the first review in a new project that I am undertaking. Now that I've passed my 53rd birthday, I've likely passed the milestone of 50 years as a reader. I don't remember a time when I didn't "read," whether that means that I could merely repeat the words on the pages myself, from memory, or I was devouring The Portrait of a Lady next to a swimming pool on my honeymoon. So, over the next 1000 days, give or take, I plan to "review" a book a day, collecting books that have been important to me throughout my life. I'm not rating them, I'm putting them on their own shelf, and, if life gets in the way and I can't find the time, I'll catch up when I can.
These won't be "reviews" in the traditional sense. They will be short, and will reference what the book means to me: if I can remember, the age that I read it, where I was, or why it has stuck with me. I've been a wide reader, and while I've read a share of books that are consistently acknowledged as classics, many of the books that have meaning for me are, to put it charitably, pretty trashy. But that's what makes this project fun.
If you're interested in more of this project, you will be able to find the full project collected at my blog Books Do Furnish A Mind.
This is the first book that I remember reading – my family lore holds that my mother caught me reading Little Boy Blue to my brother when I was around 4 and he was just a baby.
This was the edition that we had, as well. Large, hardbound, but the colors already growing faded with age – I suppose that it’s possible that the book had had an owner prior to me because we were poor in my preschool years. I remember distinctly the checkerboard border around the edge of the book, and how big the book felt spread on my lap as I “read” the rhymes to myself, which means that I had memorized them and could repeat them by rote.
Book 2: A Little Princess
This is the first review in a new project that I am undertaking. Now that I've passed my 53rd birthday, I've likely passed the milestone of 50 years as a reader. I don't remember a time when I didn't "read," whether that means that I could merely repeat the words on the pages myself, from memory, or I was devouring The Portrait of a Lady next to a swimming pool on my honeymoon. So, over the next 1000 days, give or take, I plan to "review" a book a day, collecting books that have been important to me throughout my life. I'm not rating them, I'm putting them on their own shelf, and, if life gets in the way and I can't find the time, I'll catch up when I can.
These won't be "reviews" in the traditional sense. They will be short, and will reference what the book means to me: if I can remember, the age that I read it, where I was, or why it has stuck with me. I've been a wide reader, and while I've read a share of books that are consistently acknowledged as classics, many of the books that have meaning for me are, to put it charitably, pretty trashy. But that's what makes this project fun.
If you're interested in more of this project, you will be able to find the full project collected at my blog Books Do Furnish A Mind.
This is the first book that I remember reading – my family lore holds that my mother caught me reading Little Boy Blue to my brother when I was around 4 and he was just a baby.
This was the edition that we had, as well. Large, hardbound, but the colors already growing faded with age – I suppose that it’s possible that the book had had an owner prior to me because we were poor in my preschool years. I remember distinctly the checkerboard border around the edge of the book, and how big the book felt spread on my lap as I “read” the rhymes to myself, which means that I had memorized them and could repeat them by rote.
Book 2: A Little Princess
July 23, 2015
I have such heart felt memories of reading these poems to my boys. I'm giving it 5 stars for nostalga's sake.
July 1, 2025
It is a truly classic book of children's rhymes and poems.
My mother gave me a copy of this book as a Christmas present when I was in College.
I was already familiar with nearly all the content as my grandmother, who grew up in England, taught me these rhymes and stories as a child, as did my mother.
Evidence suggests that some Mother Goose rhymes may have originated as political satire during the Tudor era.
For example:
The legend surrounding the "Jack Horner" rhyme suggests it might be a satirical reference to King Henry VIII's dissolution of monasteries and the questionable acquisition of land and wealth by figures like Jack Horner, who served Abbot Whiting
of Glastonbury Abbey.
The color illustrations are beautiful, and the book is to be enjoyed at any age.
Five Stars
My mother gave me a copy of this book as a Christmas present when I was in College.
I was already familiar with nearly all the content as my grandmother, who grew up in England, taught me these rhymes and stories as a child, as did my mother.
Evidence suggests that some Mother Goose rhymes may have originated as political satire during the Tudor era.
For example:
The legend surrounding the "Jack Horner" rhyme suggests it might be a satirical reference to King Henry VIII's dissolution of monasteries and the questionable acquisition of land and wealth by figures like Jack Horner, who served Abbot Whiting
of Glastonbury Abbey.
The color illustrations are beautiful, and the book is to be enjoyed at any age.
Five Stars
Read
February 23, 2024This is the edition I had as a child and it warmed my heart to find the cover art smiling up at me off the library shelf when I was browsing for something else. Some Mother Goose rhymes never resonated for me (and I firmly disliked some as a child), and I feel some certainly don't age well, yet there's also a reason many have stood the test of time and several of them take me right back to cozy memories of my childhood. I love Blanche Fisher Wright's illustrations in this edition. Originally published in 1916, my grandparents could have read a copy when they were children, and my parents, too -- I couldn't help but feel a bit of reverence as I shared some of my favorite rhymes and illustrations with my own children.
April 4, 2025
I heard old rhymes, and new rhymes, and new verses to old rhymes!
March 20, 2020
All of the wonderful stories we've heard growing up with such charming, old-fashioned pictures!
Ages: 4 - 9
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Ages: 4 - 9
**Like my reviews? Then you should follow me! Because I have hundreds more just like this one. With each review, I provide a Cleanliness Report, mentioning any objectionable content I come across so that parents and/or conscientious readers (like me) can determine beforehand whether they want to read a book or not. Content surprises are super annoying, especially when you’re 100+ pages in, so here’s my attempt to help you avoid that!
So Follow or Friend me here on GoodReads! You’ll see my updates as I’m reading and know which books I’m liking and what I’m not finishing and why. You’ll also be able to utilize my library for looking up titles to see whether the book you’re thinking about reading next has any objectionable content or not. From swear words, to romance, to bad attitudes (in children’s books), I cover it all!
November 20, 2019
I get such a nostalgic feeling when I think of this book. I can remember my parents reading from it when I was a child. It was one of my favorites that I would look at often my Mom used to say. I had to get it for my children and they too loved it, both for the pictures and the rhymes. Now my grandchildren are being fascinated by the book. This book is a gem with great illustrations and most of your favorite nursery rhymes. A true gem.
May 5, 2014
I grew up with this book, and it has a beautiful nostalgia for me. I remember sitting and looking at the pictures before I could really read, and learning to love fairy tales and nursery rhymes from it. Definitely a personal favorite.
January 28, 2016
I have a very old copy of this book, given to me by my grandmother when I was 4 years old. I remember reading it.
December 3, 2016
This was a book that was in my family's home from the older Sibs and and Because I could read I was Reading to Baby Tony EVERY CHANCE I GOT!!!! He simply loved these, Harry Houdini, Grimm's Fairy Tales, Ronald Dahl, Hans Christian Anderson, Charlies Dickens (David Copperfield, Oliver Twist, A Christmas Carol, A Tale Of Two Cites, Great Expectations, and A.A. Milne (*Winnie The Pooh Bear) I remember siting down for HOURS reading and Re-reading these timeless classics over and over again. Our copy of the book is WELL WORN ...Falling apart at the seams ( LITERALLY!!!! ) But I am happy to know he now has the copy and his wife is sharing these stories with his baby....(I'm sure she will fall in love with the stories just like her Dad!!!!!)
So HAPPY My Niece is hearing these Stories and will have them for the rest of her life!!!!!
Who-Ever gave this FANTASTIC book to our Family...... GREAT PICK!!! It has Held up for years and Has been WELL - LOVED!!!!!!
So HAPPY My Niece is hearing these Stories and will have them for the rest of her life!!!!!
Who-Ever gave this FANTASTIC book to our Family...... GREAT PICK!!! It has Held up for years and Has been WELL - LOVED!!!!!!
February 13, 2014
Some of the first rhymes and songs a child hears are Mother Goose. We say them, we sing them to infants
and children, we play "Patty Cake.' Most children I have known know at least one Mother Goose story usually many. The pictures are lovely and small children often just sit and look at the pages. Mother Goose is an excellent way to introduce the language and reading to children.
Learning extention: See how many of the poems the children are familiar with. Form into groups and act out their favorite, example "Hey, Diddle Diddle", while saying the rhymes. Do exercises finding the ryhming words in the different poems.
and children, we play "Patty Cake.' Most children I have known know at least one Mother Goose story usually many. The pictures are lovely and small children often just sit and look at the pages. Mother Goose is an excellent way to introduce the language and reading to children.
Learning extention: See how many of the poems the children are familiar with. Form into groups and act out their favorite, example "Hey, Diddle Diddle", while saying the rhymes. Do exercises finding the ryhming words in the different poems.
August 19, 2019
There’s a reason that only so many nursery rhymes survived to become classics...because most of the others are just mind-numbingly awful. Honestly, if this wasn’t the last book I needed to read to complete a particular reading list challenge, I would have stopped & moved on. I would have given the book only one star (after realizing how much I hate most nursery rhymes), but I gave it a second star because I do give the creators credit for compiling so many and there were a (precious) few in there that I didn’t even realize were nursery rhymes.
November 26, 2018
This was another book that was in my childhood and I can remember it so clearly both since of the checkered cover as well as since it was such a big book. The size hasn't changed but the amount of pages doesn't seem so daunting upon looking back at it.
This is one of those books that is a nice little treasury full of nursery rhymes and riddles. For those who grew up with various rhymes whether it be from Shrek, various variations in books and/or even Wee Sing much of these will be quite familiar to the reader. Others are much lesser known.
Keeping to some of the more original material some of these were quite dark while others aren't what you may recognize right. Collectively they are a bit of a cultural snapshot, especially of a much older England.
The illustrations were beautifully done and classically realistic in many senses. And the subjects for the illustrations weren't just focused on the human characteristics.
What made this an interesting book is that the index can be found in the front. It lists the rhymes and riddles by name followed by an index of the first line for easier access.
All in all this is a truly nice little classic to include in one's reading list if one is interested in this type of subject.
This is one of those books that is a nice little treasury full of nursery rhymes and riddles. For those who grew up with various rhymes whether it be from Shrek, various variations in books and/or even Wee Sing much of these will be quite familiar to the reader. Others are much lesser known.
Keeping to some of the more original material some of these were quite dark while others aren't what you may recognize right. Collectively they are a bit of a cultural snapshot, especially of a much older England.
The illustrations were beautifully done and classically realistic in many senses. And the subjects for the illustrations weren't just focused on the human characteristics.
What made this an interesting book is that the index can be found in the front. It lists the rhymes and riddles by name followed by an index of the first line for easier access.
All in all this is a truly nice little classic to include in one's reading list if one is interested in this type of subject.
June 30, 2018
I got this for a present in a very special occasion, which is why this will always hold a special place in my heart. I did like this, it was cute and I liked the illustrations. That being said, I also felt I'm not the target group for this because I'm not a child anymore and also because I'm not an native English speaker. I haven't heard these when I was a child and thus they don't really take me back to childhood or anything like that. The old English was a bit difficult to understand at times, too. I think some of them have been translated to my native language which is Finnish, though. It might be fun to check them out.
April 28, 2023
reading old nursery rhymes is such an odd experience lol how did they speak like that.
the illustrations were very pretty and it was an easy fun thing to read in addition to my other books!
the illustrations were very pretty and it was an easy fun thing to read in addition to my other books!
November 30, 2023
A classic from my childhood.
October 28, 2019
This is an absolutely adorable collection. I love the illustrations. I had no idea how many of these delightful and often humorous nursery rhymes there are!
March 1, 2018
This book offers classic nursery rhymes to young children. Mother Goose is a timeless story that can be enjoyed for generations. This book introduces a variety of rhyming words and phrases. It is colorful and engaging. Even young children who cannot quite read as yet can enjoy the beautiful illustrations and can be used as a blueprint for early reading skills.
August 25, 2023
#95 on Time Magazine 100 Best Children's books
I've never heard a lot of these. Some that I did had slightly different wording and some others had significantly different wording and some, I know from songs (Christmas is a'comin'...).
Some are so bizarre to me, I wonder where or how they came about.
I apologized to my son for shortchanging him on his education.
I've never heard a lot of these. Some that I did had slightly different wording and some others had significantly different wording and some, I know from songs (Christmas is a'comin'...).
Some are so bizarre to me, I wonder where or how they came about.
I apologized to my son for shortchanging him on his education.
Read
September 17, 2013Category: Mother Goose
Source: Kimmell
This book is full of the Mother Goose rhymes that I am most familiar with. Some of the poems are written with really old world words that some children may struggle with not only pronouncing, but understanding the meaning of. However, there are plenty of other poems that are catchy and easily readable. I really enjoyed the illustrations in this book. They look like someone read one of the poems and interpreted it in a drawing.
I'd have a little fun with this in the class and concentrate on the poem
SWAN
Swan, swan, over the sea;
Swim, swan, swim!
Swan, swan, back again;
Well swum, swan!
I'd use this as an example of a tongue twister. We'd have a class discussion about tongue twisters they may already know and remind them that tongue twisters are a form of poetry. Then I'd have each of the students create an original tongue twister that they'll share with the class.
Source: Kimmell
This book is full of the Mother Goose rhymes that I am most familiar with. Some of the poems are written with really old world words that some children may struggle with not only pronouncing, but understanding the meaning of. However, there are plenty of other poems that are catchy and easily readable. I really enjoyed the illustrations in this book. They look like someone read one of the poems and interpreted it in a drawing.
I'd have a little fun with this in the class and concentrate on the poem
SWAN
Swan, swan, over the sea;
Swim, swan, swim!
Swan, swan, back again;
Well swum, swan!
I'd use this as an example of a tongue twister. We'd have a class discussion about tongue twisters they may already know and remind them that tongue twisters are a form of poetry. Then I'd have each of the students create an original tongue twister that they'll share with the class.
November 12, 2009
This book was originally published in 1916, and there is good reason it is still in circulation today. Fisher Wright’s abundant illustrations of the close to 300 rhymes in this collection are both beautifully done and a great exploration for the little ones of times gone past. The gentle coloring helps to create a soothing look for the eyes, and children will have fun seeing how children of a different era dressed and played. Included are all of the Mother Goose rhymes that children still know today, plus lots that parents and children will have fun hearing for the first time. (Ages infant-6)
September 18, 2010
This is one of my favorites from my childhood, so I had to buy it for my daughter's first Christmas in 1986. It is a treasure that will be shared in my home for a very long time. As a teacher I find more and more students are not familiar with nursery rhymes, which is troubling to me. I try to incorporate them throughout the year, either by just singing them to students or using them as teaching tools. A favorite activity of mine is to have students choose a rhyme and use a thesaurus to change a word. It usually gets quite a few laughs from the students.
March 4, 2013
I truly think the US would be a better place if every child received a copy of this by his/her first birthday. These nursery rhymes are the foundation of cultural literacy, and something we share with Great Britain as well. The rhythm of the little rhymes and the beauty of the language are something parents everywhere should share with their children. When I volunteer at schools, I'm always astonished at how many kids have no idea of this basic legacy of poetry. A must on my book shelf forever.
February 9, 2017
This is literally my favorite book. It has so many nursery rhymes, and they are the older versions, so there is bound to be some surprises. Just remember this when reading to kids. Personally, I don't mind sharing rhymes because they are a piece of history, but if they aren't used to nursery rhymes, or aren't familiar with fantasy movies, then maybe this is the wrong book. I personally love it. I haven't found a nursery rhyme book that has as many nursery rymes in it. I like to listen to them with text to speech as I drift off to sleep.
August 6, 2007
I first read this book when I was in first grade. We were able to donate a book to our school library, and this is the one I was able to donate (with my parents money, of course). I would often take the book out, just to see my name on the book plate. It then became the first book I bought my son when he was born.
December 22, 2018
This is the Real Mother Goose collection of traditional nursery rhymes, originally published in 1916, with original illustrations by Blanche Fisher Wright.
There was a little girl who had a little curl
Right in the middle of her forehead;
When she was good, she was very, very good,
And when she was bad she was horrid.
There was a little girl who had a little curl
Right in the middle of her forehead;
When she was good, she was very, very good,
And when she was bad she was horrid.
May 19, 2012
One of the first books I read over and over again with my boys. Now I'm reading it with my grandchildren.
October 23, 2016
Warning. This review will likely contain some pretty tasteless material because I'm just like that. Also, it's quote long.
So, how can I give five stars to a book about a bunch of silly rhymes? Because it's awesome! I remember enjoying these as a child, but I see most of them in a different light as an adult, especially an adult in the 21st century where some of the subject matter in some of these rhymes is seen in a negative light. Also, some words have different meanings after the passage of several centuries, and boy did I have fun taking those out of their historical context, let me tell you!
My step mother wondered out-loud the other day if there was a nursery rhyme about blackbirds in a pie, and if it had something to do with a thumb and a plum. I was pretty sure they were two different rhymes, so I pulled out this book (I still have my 1982 version from when I was a kid). I solved the mystery, but during my perusal I was highly entertained by some of the things I saw and decided to just reread the whole thing; It was no big deal since it's not much of a time investment even though there are over 300 ditties in it. I'm very glad I made the effort.
First off, who is Mother Goose? Nobody knows. A grave in Boston claims to have the real one, but there's pretty solid evidence that the term was used before that woman was even born. The earliest recorded uses of the term date to the early 17th century. Mother Hubbard is first mentioned in a 1590 writing, and references around it indicate that it was an old tale even then. Some suppose that Mother Goose tales date as far back as the 11th century, but there's no solid evidence for that. At any rate, this book is a collection of the Nursery Rhymes accompanied by sometimes hysterical illustrations by Blanche Fisher Wright originally done in 1916. A lot of stuff in this book is not politically correct, and I shudder to think what might be omitted from the most recent printings. I wonder if Mother Hubbard's dog still smokes, not to mention several other characters?
Let's look at a few. For the remainder of this review I'm going to refer to Mother Goose as a person, and we'll just pretend she is. It's more fun that way. (In an effort to deter confusion, I'm putting my commentary in italics).
There were rhymes that were simply riddles, like this one:
An Icicle
Lives in winter, dies in summer,
And grows with its roots upward!
And imagine my surprise when I found one of the riddles from The Hobbit in here. J. R. R. Tolkien didn't make it up himself! Plagiarizing bastard!
Teeth and Gums
Thirty white horses upon a red hill,
Now they tramp, now they champ, now they stand still.
Some of MG's stuff describes the trials of everyday life. Boy, can I relate to this one!
The Robins
A robin and a robin’s son once went to town to buy a bun.
They couldn’t decide on plum or plain, and so they went back home again.
How many times has that kind of thing happened to me at the video store?
Here's a tale of a man who lives a full life in just under a week, and is the inspiration for a zombie villain in the DC comics universe.
Solomon Grundy
Solomon Grundy,
Born on a Monday,
Christened on Tuesday,
Married on Wednesday,
Took ill on Thursday,
Worse on Friday,
Died on Saturday,
Buried on Sunday.
This is the end
Of Solomon Grundy.
Isn't there a more pleasant way to teach children the days of the week?
For those of you familiar with Stephen King, or George R. R. Martin, you'll know that neither of them have any trouble killing off their main characters, if not the majority of the population, in their stories. However, both must stand in awe of the homicidal Mother Goose who just flat out offs people with reckless abandon, most of them children. Cases in point:
Three Children on the Ice
Three children sliding on the ice upon a summer’s day,
As it fell out, they all fell in, the rest they ran away.
Oh, had these children been at school, or sliding on dry ground,
Ten thousand pounds to one penny they had not then been drowned.
Ye parents who have children dear and ye, too, who have none,
If you would keep them safe abroad pray keep them safe at home.
Dead kids with some pretty piss-poor friends. They should have heeded the words of Johnny Smith (as portrayed by Christopher Walken) in The Dead Zone when he told us all that "The ICE... is gonna BREAK!!!" To be fair, I suppose there's a moral here: don't be truant.
The Three Sons
There was an old woman had three sons,
Jerry and James and John.
Jerry was hanged, James was drowned,
John was lost and never was found;
And there was an end of her three sons,
Jerry and James and John!
Sometimes genocide is the order of the day, and she just says "Fuck it, I'll kill em all!"
Three Wise Men of Gotham
Three wise men of Gotham went to sea in a bowl;
If the bowl had been stronger my song had been longer.
However, sometimes just saying everyone is dead via hanging or drowning isn't enough. She feels we need more details. But the bitch is subtle. She leaves out the specific details, but offers just enough of a hint to make your mind and imagination do her work for her. This reveals the ultra-violent side of her nature.
The Kilkenny Cats
There were once two cats of Kilkenny.
Each thought there was one cat too many;
So they fought and they fit
And they scratched and they bit,
Till excepting their nails
And the tips of their tails,
Instead of two cats, there weren’t any.
We can only imagine the bloodbath that remained between the nails and tails. But the focal points of the rhymes don't always die. Sometimes they're just injured.
Cry, Baby
Cry, baby, cry,
Put your finger in your eye,
And tell your mother it wasn’t I.
We'll work on that kid psychologically
Sing a Song of Sixpence
Sing a song of sixpence, a pocket full of rye;
Four and twenty blackbirds baked in a pie!
When the pie was opened the birds began to sing;
Was not that a dainty dish to set before the king?
The king was in his counting-house, counting out his money;
The queen was in the parlor, eating bread and honey.
The maid was in the garden, hanging out the clothes;
When down came a blackbird and snapped off her nose.
The Man in our Town
There was a man in our town, and he was wondrous wise,
He jumped into a bramble bush, and scratched out both his eyes;
But when he saw his eyes were out, with all his might and main,
He jumped into another bush, and scratched ‘em in again.
I personally would doubt the wisdom of a man who gouges out his own eyes with a briar bush, but it's reestablished when he finds a way to put them back in with the same instrument.
Humans aren't the only ones damaged in these tales of woe. Animals get it just as badly, and usually at the hands of humans.
Dapple-Gray
I had a little pony, his name was Dapple-gray.
I lent him to a lady to ride a mile away.
She whipped him, she slashed him, she rode him through the mire.
I would not lend my pony now for all the lady’s hire.
That’s All
There was an old woman sat a spinning, and that’s the first beginning.
She had a calf, and that’s half;
She took it by the tail, and threw it over the wall, and that’s all!
I'm sure the young bovine had it coming. It's a wonder PETA hasn't confiscated and burned all these books encouraging the maltreatment of poor, defenseless animals.
Sometimes there are multiple plot lines running in a rhyme.
Heigh-Ho, The Carrion Crow
A carrion crow sat on an oak
Fol de riddle, lol de riddle, hi ding do!
Watching a tailor shape his cloak;
Sing heigh-ho, the carrion crow,
Fol de riddle, lol de riddle, hi ding do!
Wife, bring me my old bent bow,
Fol de riddle, lol de riddle, hi ding do!
That I may shoot yon carrion crow;
Sing heigh-ho, the carrion crow,
Fol de riddle, lol de riddle, hi ding do!
The tailor he shot, and missed his mark,
Fol de riddle, lol de riddle, hi ding do!
And shot his own sow quite through the heart;
Sing heigh-ho, the carrion crow,
Fol de riddle, lol de riddle, hi ding do!
Wife! Bring brandy in a spoon,
Fol de riddle, lol de riddle, hi ding do!
For our old sow is in a swoon;
Sing heigh-ho, the carrion crow,
Fol de riddle, lol de riddle, hi ding do!
Here we have attempted aviacide; negligent porcinicide; psychological trauma for the poor tailor who thinks his pig can still be alive after being shot through the heart, and has instead just fainted; and alcoholism when he orders a drink to help him cope with what he's done.
And if teaching children that it's ok to drink over your problems isn't enough, Mother Goose also encourages tobacco use for jobs well done, or even payment for services rendered.
Barber
Barber, barber, shave a pig
How many hairs will make a wig?
Four and twenty; that’s enough.
Give the barber a pinch of snuff.
Tobacco and alcohol not your thing? Fear not. Drugs are also just peachy keen by Mother Goose. This should come as no surprise as she clearly discovered the recipe for Crystal Meth long before it made its appearance in today's society. Obviously she was on it when she wrote her nursery rhymes. I can only assume she didn't share the formula with anyone. That would, at least, explain it's long absence between then and now. Anyway, whlie she was on the hard stuff, she wrote about the amateur herbs.
Old King Cole
Old King Cole was a merry old soul, and a merry old soul was he;
He called for his pipe, and he called for his bowl, and he called for his fiddlers three.
And every fiddler, he had a fine fiddle, and a very fine fiddle had he.
“Twee tweedle dee, tweedle dee,” went the fiddlers.
Oh, there’s none so rare as can compare with King Cole and his fiddlers three.
Their ganja so banga they ain't even speaking English after the first toke of the bowl! Well, if violence, death, and substance abuse isn't what you're looking for, then you're STILL in luck. We also have sex! This next one is about a woman who wants nothing to do with anyone unless they're offering their body.
Shall We Go A-Shearing
“Old woman, old woman, shall we go a-shearing?”
“Speak a little louder, sir, I am very thick of hearing.”
“Old woman, old woman, shall I kiss you dearly?”
“Thank you, kind sir, I hear you very clearly.”
Mmmm hmmm. Selective hearing, that is! But not all of Mother Goose's heroines put out.
Where are You Going, My Pretty Maid
“Where are you going, my pretty maid?”
“I’m going a-milking, sir,” she said.
“May I go with you, my pretty maid?”
“You’re kindly welcome, sir,” she said.
“What is your father, my pretty maid?”
“My father’s a farmer, sir,” she said.
“What is your fortune, my pretty maid?”
“My face is my fortune, sir,” she said.
“Then I can’t marry you, my pretty maid.”
“Nobody asked you, sir,” she said.
Well, he was pretty much just looking for a sugar mommy, and got what he deserved when he was left with the cold shoulder. Mother Goose has one for that situation too.
Myself
As I walked by myself, and talked to myself, myself said unto me;
“Look to thyself, take care of thyself, for nobody cares for thee.”
I answered myself, and said to myself in the selfsame repartee:
“Look to thyself, or not look to thyself, the selfsame thing will be.”
Rejection can sometimes leave a man with a case of blue balls, and now he lives under the threat of a wet dream. Again, Mother Goose comes to the rescue if you're unable to make your own verse detailing how you feel.
Cock-a-doodle-do
Oh, my pretty cock, oh, my handsome cock,
I pray you, do not crow before day.
And your comb shall be made of the very beaten gold,
And your wings of the silver so gray.
Well, what do you expect to be happening in a man's crotch when they're constantly having to listen to children sing smut like this?
Little Pussy
I like little Pussy, her coat is so warm,
And if I don’t hurt her, she’ll do me no harm;
So I’ll not pull her tail, nor drive her away,
But Pussy and I very gently will play.
Sometimes Mother Goose writes about the hardships of difficult relationships, and offers very viable solutions.
The Pumpkin Eater
Peter, Peter, Pumpkin-eater had a wife and couldn’t keep her.
He put her in a pumpkin shell, and there he kept her very well.
MG also explores the heart-rending internal strife one feels when exploring an unconventional relationship; unconventional for that day and age, at least.
Why May Not I Love Johnny?
Johnny shall have a new bonnet, and Johnny shall go to the fair,
And Johnny shall have a blue ribbon to tie up his bonny brown hair.
And why may not I love Johnny? And why may not Johnny love me?
And why may not I love Johnny as well as another body?
And here’s a leg for a stocking, and here’s a foot for a shoe,
And he has a kiss for his daddy, and two for his mammy, I trow.
And why may not I love Johnny? And why may not Johnny love me?
And why may not I love Johnny as well as another body?
Well, here's a logic puzzle of Catch 22 proportions. Bonnet? Blue Ribbon? Stocking? You mayn't love Johnny because he's a fag! (It's ok; I can say that because I'm one too). Be the reciter a girl, then Johnny ain't interested in anything she's got. Be the reciter a boy, then both he and Johnny will be roasted on a faggot of sticks as soon as they try to play hide the cannoli. But most of Mother Goose's couples are of the married variety, and sometimes they have children. And when they act up, corporal punishment is the order of the day.
Little Polly Flinders
Little Polly Flinders
Sat among the cinders warming her pretty little toes;
Her mother came and caught her,
Whipped her little daughter for spoiling her nice new clothes.
And the children need not have committed any offense to be the recipient of a beating. Sometimes it's OK to starve and belt them for your own mistakes, such as not making your baby daddy wear a rubber.
There was an Old Woman
There was an old woman who lived in a shoe.
She had so many children she didn’t know what to do.
She gave them some broth without any bread.
She whipped them all soundly and put them to bed.
Mother Goose seems to be keen on education, but the punishment for those she deems to be fucking retards follows a different track from a mere switching and incorporates a bit of mental abuse that sets up the child for years of therapy.
Jack Jelf
Little Jack Jelf was put on the shelf because he could not spell “pie”;
When his aunt, Mrs. Grace, saw his sorrowful face, She could not help saying, “Oh, fie!”
And since Master Jelf was put on the shelf because he could not spell “pie,”
Let him stand there so grim, and no more about him, for I wish him a very good-bye!
But it's OK if you suck at math, because evidently Mother Goose did as well. That's quite a relief for she and I are well met on that subject.
Multiplication is Vexation
Multiplication is vexation, Division is as bad.
The rule of Three doth puzzle me, and Practice drives me mad.
Sounds like incentive to quit to me. And while you're not at home doing your math homework, you can be out on the streets being a juvenile delinquent.
Bandy Legs
As I was going to sell my eggs I met a man with bandy legs,
Bandy legs and crooked toes; I tripped up his heels, and he fell on his nose.
BUT, and this is very important, remember to be a good Christian lest ye be brutalized by a quacker.
Goosey, Goosey, Gander
Goosey, goosey, gander, whither dost thou wander?
Upstairs and downstairs and in my lady’s chamber.
There I met an old man who wouldn’t say his prayers;
I took him by the left leg, and threw him down the stairs.
However, retribution is OK. In fact, I saw no sign in any of the nursery rhymes where turning-the-other-cheek was encouraged, or even considered.
Taffy
Taffy was a Welshman, Taffy was a thief.
Taffy came to my house and stole a piece of beef.
I went to Taffy’s house, Taffy was not home.
Taffy came to my house and stole a marrow-bone.
I went to Taffy’s house, Taffy was not in.
Taffy came to my house and stole a silver pin.
I went to Taffy’s house, Taffy was in bed.
I took up the marrow-bone and flung it at his head.
And there you have it: Mother Goose in an eggshell. I'll leave you with this last bit. It's not part of this book, but I like it, and this is as good a place as any to put it. Anyway, when I was reading Les Miserables by Victor Hugo, I was so overawed by his effusively excessive and redundant verbosity that I wondered what some nursery rhymes would look like had he written them. I was inspired to see if I could rewrite one in his style, and I chose "Jack." What follows is the original, then my translation into Hugoese. If you're still reading this thing, thank you for sticking it out to the end. I've had a lot of fun writing this review, and I hope you've enjoyed reading it.
Jack
Jack be nimble,
Jack be quick.
Jack jump over the candlestick.
Simple enough. Take it away, Victor!
Jack, that sprightly soul of infinite jest, be nimble; As nimble as the garden slug is torpid; for in their movements one is spry, the other apathetic; one dances gaily, the other not at all; one moves with the grace and ease of a courtier at his finest at the highlight of an eventing gala, while the other merely lolls and rolls stupidly upon his path.
Jack, yea, that same jester, be quick. Not the quick of a fingernail cuticle, nay, but be quick as the wind. Fly with it, be fast, rapid, curt, snappy, perfunctory, expeditious, immediate, animated, agile, and brisk. Show as much alacrity as I fail to exhibit in this verse, for you are up to the task.
Jack, place your balance upon the balls of your feet, bend your legs at the knees, squat, though not quite to a hunker, and jump! Leap into the air the way a slug never could, and soar over yon candlestick. Take care not to burn your bum, for that would require care of the sort that could be found only by first aid nurses. Show us, you prince of jesters; you king of knaves; you first among fools; you entertainer of the extreme variety how you can fly over the flame, and alight nimbly on the other side of that waxen pole. Oh Jack! Impress us with your duty!
Hugo... Sigh...
-Pierce
So, how can I give five stars to a book about a bunch of silly rhymes? Because it's awesome! I remember enjoying these as a child, but I see most of them in a different light as an adult, especially an adult in the 21st century where some of the subject matter in some of these rhymes is seen in a negative light. Also, some words have different meanings after the passage of several centuries, and boy did I have fun taking those out of their historical context, let me tell you!
My step mother wondered out-loud the other day if there was a nursery rhyme about blackbirds in a pie, and if it had something to do with a thumb and a plum. I was pretty sure they were two different rhymes, so I pulled out this book (I still have my 1982 version from when I was a kid). I solved the mystery, but during my perusal I was highly entertained by some of the things I saw and decided to just reread the whole thing; It was no big deal since it's not much of a time investment even though there are over 300 ditties in it. I'm very glad I made the effort.
First off, who is Mother Goose? Nobody knows. A grave in Boston claims to have the real one, but there's pretty solid evidence that the term was used before that woman was even born. The earliest recorded uses of the term date to the early 17th century. Mother Hubbard is first mentioned in a 1590 writing, and references around it indicate that it was an old tale even then. Some suppose that Mother Goose tales date as far back as the 11th century, but there's no solid evidence for that. At any rate, this book is a collection of the Nursery Rhymes accompanied by sometimes hysterical illustrations by Blanche Fisher Wright originally done in 1916. A lot of stuff in this book is not politically correct, and I shudder to think what might be omitted from the most recent printings. I wonder if Mother Hubbard's dog still smokes, not to mention several other characters?
Let's look at a few. For the remainder of this review I'm going to refer to Mother Goose as a person, and we'll just pretend she is. It's more fun that way. (In an effort to deter confusion, I'm putting my commentary in italics).
There were rhymes that were simply riddles, like this one:
An Icicle
Lives in winter, dies in summer,
And grows with its roots upward!
And imagine my surprise when I found one of the riddles from The Hobbit in here. J. R. R. Tolkien didn't make it up himself! Plagiarizing bastard!
Teeth and Gums
Thirty white horses upon a red hill,
Now they tramp, now they champ, now they stand still.
Some of MG's stuff describes the trials of everyday life. Boy, can I relate to this one!
The Robins
A robin and a robin’s son once went to town to buy a bun.
They couldn’t decide on plum or plain, and so they went back home again.
How many times has that kind of thing happened to me at the video store?
Here's a tale of a man who lives a full life in just under a week, and is the inspiration for a zombie villain in the DC comics universe.
Solomon Grundy
Solomon Grundy,
Born on a Monday,
Christened on Tuesday,
Married on Wednesday,
Took ill on Thursday,
Worse on Friday,
Died on Saturday,
Buried on Sunday.
This is the end
Of Solomon Grundy.
Isn't there a more pleasant way to teach children the days of the week?
For those of you familiar with Stephen King, or George R. R. Martin, you'll know that neither of them have any trouble killing off their main characters, if not the majority of the population, in their stories. However, both must stand in awe of the homicidal Mother Goose who just flat out offs people with reckless abandon, most of them children. Cases in point:
Three Children on the Ice
Three children sliding on the ice upon a summer’s day,
As it fell out, they all fell in, the rest they ran away.
Oh, had these children been at school, or sliding on dry ground,
Ten thousand pounds to one penny they had not then been drowned.
Ye parents who have children dear and ye, too, who have none,
If you would keep them safe abroad pray keep them safe at home.
Dead kids with some pretty piss-poor friends. They should have heeded the words of Johnny Smith (as portrayed by Christopher Walken) in The Dead Zone when he told us all that "The ICE... is gonna BREAK!!!" To be fair, I suppose there's a moral here: don't be truant.
The Three Sons
There was an old woman had three sons,
Jerry and James and John.
Jerry was hanged, James was drowned,
John was lost and never was found;
And there was an end of her three sons,
Jerry and James and John!
Sometimes genocide is the order of the day, and she just says "Fuck it, I'll kill em all!"
Three Wise Men of Gotham
Three wise men of Gotham went to sea in a bowl;
If the bowl had been stronger my song had been longer.
However, sometimes just saying everyone is dead via hanging or drowning isn't enough. She feels we need more details. But the bitch is subtle. She leaves out the specific details, but offers just enough of a hint to make your mind and imagination do her work for her. This reveals the ultra-violent side of her nature.
The Kilkenny Cats
There were once two cats of Kilkenny.
Each thought there was one cat too many;
So they fought and they fit
And they scratched and they bit,
Till excepting their nails
And the tips of their tails,
Instead of two cats, there weren’t any.
We can only imagine the bloodbath that remained between the nails and tails. But the focal points of the rhymes don't always die. Sometimes they're just injured.
Cry, Baby
Cry, baby, cry,
Put your finger in your eye,
And tell your mother it wasn’t I.
We'll work on that kid psychologically
Sing a Song of Sixpence
Sing a song of sixpence, a pocket full of rye;
Four and twenty blackbirds baked in a pie!
When the pie was opened the birds began to sing;
Was not that a dainty dish to set before the king?
The king was in his counting-house, counting out his money;
The queen was in the parlor, eating bread and honey.
The maid was in the garden, hanging out the clothes;
When down came a blackbird and snapped off her nose.
The Man in our Town
There was a man in our town, and he was wondrous wise,
He jumped into a bramble bush, and scratched out both his eyes;
But when he saw his eyes were out, with all his might and main,
He jumped into another bush, and scratched ‘em in again.
I personally would doubt the wisdom of a man who gouges out his own eyes with a briar bush, but it's reestablished when he finds a way to put them back in with the same instrument.
Humans aren't the only ones damaged in these tales of woe. Animals get it just as badly, and usually at the hands of humans.
Dapple-Gray
I had a little pony, his name was Dapple-gray.
I lent him to a lady to ride a mile away.
She whipped him, she slashed him, she rode him through the mire.
I would not lend my pony now for all the lady’s hire.
That’s All
There was an old woman sat a spinning, and that’s the first beginning.
She had a calf, and that’s half;
She took it by the tail, and threw it over the wall, and that’s all!
I'm sure the young bovine had it coming. It's a wonder PETA hasn't confiscated and burned all these books encouraging the maltreatment of poor, defenseless animals.
Sometimes there are multiple plot lines running in a rhyme.
Heigh-Ho, The Carrion Crow
A carrion crow sat on an oak
Fol de riddle, lol de riddle, hi ding do!
Watching a tailor shape his cloak;
Sing heigh-ho, the carrion crow,
Fol de riddle, lol de riddle, hi ding do!
Wife, bring me my old bent bow,
Fol de riddle, lol de riddle, hi ding do!
That I may shoot yon carrion crow;
Sing heigh-ho, the carrion crow,
Fol de riddle, lol de riddle, hi ding do!
The tailor he shot, and missed his mark,
Fol de riddle, lol de riddle, hi ding do!
And shot his own sow quite through the heart;
Sing heigh-ho, the carrion crow,
Fol de riddle, lol de riddle, hi ding do!
Wife! Bring brandy in a spoon,
Fol de riddle, lol de riddle, hi ding do!
For our old sow is in a swoon;
Sing heigh-ho, the carrion crow,
Fol de riddle, lol de riddle, hi ding do!
Here we have attempted aviacide; negligent porcinicide; psychological trauma for the poor tailor who thinks his pig can still be alive after being shot through the heart, and has instead just fainted; and alcoholism when he orders a drink to help him cope with what he's done.
And if teaching children that it's ok to drink over your problems isn't enough, Mother Goose also encourages tobacco use for jobs well done, or even payment for services rendered.
Barber
Barber, barber, shave a pig
How many hairs will make a wig?
Four and twenty; that’s enough.
Give the barber a pinch of snuff.
Tobacco and alcohol not your thing? Fear not. Drugs are also just peachy keen by Mother Goose. This should come as no surprise as she clearly discovered the recipe for Crystal Meth long before it made its appearance in today's society. Obviously she was on it when she wrote her nursery rhymes. I can only assume she didn't share the formula with anyone. That would, at least, explain it's long absence between then and now. Anyway, whlie she was on the hard stuff, she wrote about the amateur herbs.
Old King Cole
Old King Cole was a merry old soul, and a merry old soul was he;
He called for his pipe, and he called for his bowl, and he called for his fiddlers three.
And every fiddler, he had a fine fiddle, and a very fine fiddle had he.
“Twee tweedle dee, tweedle dee,” went the fiddlers.
Oh, there’s none so rare as can compare with King Cole and his fiddlers three.
Their ganja so banga they ain't even speaking English after the first toke of the bowl! Well, if violence, death, and substance abuse isn't what you're looking for, then you're STILL in luck. We also have sex! This next one is about a woman who wants nothing to do with anyone unless they're offering their body.
Shall We Go A-Shearing
“Old woman, old woman, shall we go a-shearing?”
“Speak a little louder, sir, I am very thick of hearing.”
“Old woman, old woman, shall I kiss you dearly?”
“Thank you, kind sir, I hear you very clearly.”
Mmmm hmmm. Selective hearing, that is! But not all of Mother Goose's heroines put out.
Where are You Going, My Pretty Maid
“Where are you going, my pretty maid?”
“I’m going a-milking, sir,” she said.
“May I go with you, my pretty maid?”
“You’re kindly welcome, sir,” she said.
“What is your father, my pretty maid?”
“My father’s a farmer, sir,” she said.
“What is your fortune, my pretty maid?”
“My face is my fortune, sir,” she said.
“Then I can’t marry you, my pretty maid.”
“Nobody asked you, sir,” she said.
Well, he was pretty much just looking for a sugar mommy, and got what he deserved when he was left with the cold shoulder. Mother Goose has one for that situation too.
Myself
As I walked by myself, and talked to myself, myself said unto me;
“Look to thyself, take care of thyself, for nobody cares for thee.”
I answered myself, and said to myself in the selfsame repartee:
“Look to thyself, or not look to thyself, the selfsame thing will be.”
Rejection can sometimes leave a man with a case of blue balls, and now he lives under the threat of a wet dream. Again, Mother Goose comes to the rescue if you're unable to make your own verse detailing how you feel.
Cock-a-doodle-do
Oh, my pretty cock, oh, my handsome cock,
I pray you, do not crow before day.
And your comb shall be made of the very beaten gold,
And your wings of the silver so gray.
Well, what do you expect to be happening in a man's crotch when they're constantly having to listen to children sing smut like this?
Little Pussy
I like little Pussy, her coat is so warm,
And if I don’t hurt her, she’ll do me no harm;
So I’ll not pull her tail, nor drive her away,
But Pussy and I very gently will play.
Sometimes Mother Goose writes about the hardships of difficult relationships, and offers very viable solutions.
The Pumpkin Eater
Peter, Peter, Pumpkin-eater had a wife and couldn’t keep her.
He put her in a pumpkin shell, and there he kept her very well.
MG also explores the heart-rending internal strife one feels when exploring an unconventional relationship; unconventional for that day and age, at least.
Why May Not I Love Johnny?
Johnny shall have a new bonnet, and Johnny shall go to the fair,
And Johnny shall have a blue ribbon to tie up his bonny brown hair.
And why may not I love Johnny? And why may not Johnny love me?
And why may not I love Johnny as well as another body?
And here’s a leg for a stocking, and here’s a foot for a shoe,
And he has a kiss for his daddy, and two for his mammy, I trow.
And why may not I love Johnny? And why may not Johnny love me?
And why may not I love Johnny as well as another body?
Well, here's a logic puzzle of Catch 22 proportions. Bonnet? Blue Ribbon? Stocking? You mayn't love Johnny because he's a fag! (It's ok; I can say that because I'm one too). Be the reciter a girl, then Johnny ain't interested in anything she's got. Be the reciter a boy, then both he and Johnny will be roasted on a faggot of sticks as soon as they try to play hide the cannoli. But most of Mother Goose's couples are of the married variety, and sometimes they have children. And when they act up, corporal punishment is the order of the day.
Little Polly Flinders
Little Polly Flinders
Sat among the cinders warming her pretty little toes;
Her mother came and caught her,
Whipped her little daughter for spoiling her nice new clothes.
And the children need not have committed any offense to be the recipient of a beating. Sometimes it's OK to starve and belt them for your own mistakes, such as not making your baby daddy wear a rubber.
There was an Old Woman
There was an old woman who lived in a shoe.
She had so many children she didn’t know what to do.
She gave them some broth without any bread.
She whipped them all soundly and put them to bed.
Mother Goose seems to be keen on education, but the punishment for those she deems to be fucking retards follows a different track from a mere switching and incorporates a bit of mental abuse that sets up the child for years of therapy.
Jack Jelf
Little Jack Jelf was put on the shelf because he could not spell “pie”;
When his aunt, Mrs. Grace, saw his sorrowful face, She could not help saying, “Oh, fie!”
And since Master Jelf was put on the shelf because he could not spell “pie,”
Let him stand there so grim, and no more about him, for I wish him a very good-bye!
But it's OK if you suck at math, because evidently Mother Goose did as well. That's quite a relief for she and I are well met on that subject.
Multiplication is Vexation
Multiplication is vexation, Division is as bad.
The rule of Three doth puzzle me, and Practice drives me mad.
Sounds like incentive to quit to me. And while you're not at home doing your math homework, you can be out on the streets being a juvenile delinquent.
Bandy Legs
As I was going to sell my eggs I met a man with bandy legs,
Bandy legs and crooked toes; I tripped up his heels, and he fell on his nose.
BUT, and this is very important, remember to be a good Christian lest ye be brutalized by a quacker.
Goosey, Goosey, Gander
Goosey, goosey, gander, whither dost thou wander?
Upstairs and downstairs and in my lady’s chamber.
There I met an old man who wouldn’t say his prayers;
I took him by the left leg, and threw him down the stairs.
However, retribution is OK. In fact, I saw no sign in any of the nursery rhymes where turning-the-other-cheek was encouraged, or even considered.
Taffy
Taffy was a Welshman, Taffy was a thief.
Taffy came to my house and stole a piece of beef.
I went to Taffy’s house, Taffy was not home.
Taffy came to my house and stole a marrow-bone.
I went to Taffy’s house, Taffy was not in.
Taffy came to my house and stole a silver pin.
I went to Taffy’s house, Taffy was in bed.
I took up the marrow-bone and flung it at his head.
And there you have it: Mother Goose in an eggshell. I'll leave you with this last bit. It's not part of this book, but I like it, and this is as good a place as any to put it. Anyway, when I was reading Les Miserables by Victor Hugo, I was so overawed by his effusively excessive and redundant verbosity that I wondered what some nursery rhymes would look like had he written them. I was inspired to see if I could rewrite one in his style, and I chose "Jack." What follows is the original, then my translation into Hugoese. If you're still reading this thing, thank you for sticking it out to the end. I've had a lot of fun writing this review, and I hope you've enjoyed reading it.
Jack
Jack be nimble,
Jack be quick.
Jack jump over the candlestick.
Simple enough. Take it away, Victor!
Jack, that sprightly soul of infinite jest, be nimble; As nimble as the garden slug is torpid; for in their movements one is spry, the other apathetic; one dances gaily, the other not at all; one moves with the grace and ease of a courtier at his finest at the highlight of an eventing gala, while the other merely lolls and rolls stupidly upon his path.
Jack, yea, that same jester, be quick. Not the quick of a fingernail cuticle, nay, but be quick as the wind. Fly with it, be fast, rapid, curt, snappy, perfunctory, expeditious, immediate, animated, agile, and brisk. Show as much alacrity as I fail to exhibit in this verse, for you are up to the task.
Jack, place your balance upon the balls of your feet, bend your legs at the knees, squat, though not quite to a hunker, and jump! Leap into the air the way a slug never could, and soar over yon candlestick. Take care not to burn your bum, for that would require care of the sort that could be found only by first aid nurses. Show us, you prince of jesters; you king of knaves; you first among fools; you entertainer of the extreme variety how you can fly over the flame, and alight nimbly on the other side of that waxen pole. Oh Jack! Impress us with your duty!
Hugo... Sigh...
-Pierce
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