A Boy I Once Knew: What a Teacher Learned from her Student

by Elizabeth Stone

One morning, a box was delivered to Elizabeth Stone's door. It held ten years of personal diaries and a letter that began "Dear Elizabeth, You must be wondering why I left you my diaries in my will. After all, we have not seen each other in over twenty years . . ." What followed was a remarkable year in Elizabeth's life as she read Vincent's diaries and began to learn about the high school student she had taught twenty-five years before. A Boy I Once Knew is the story of the man that Vincent had become-and the efforts of his teacher to make some sense of his life.

With his diaries, Vincent becomes a constant presence in her household. She follows his daily life in San Francisco and his travels abroad. She watches him deal with the deaths of friends in the gay community. She judges him. She gets angry with him. She develops affection and compassion for him. In some ways she brings him back to life. And in doing so, she becomes the student, and Vincent the teacher. He forces her to examine her life as well as his. He challenges her feelings and fears about death. He proves to her that relationships between two people can deepen even after one of them is gone.

A Boy I Once Knew is a powerful book about loss, memory, and the ways in which we belong to each other. This is a revealing, moving, and wholly unexpected book.

Genres: Nonfiction, Memoir, Biography, LGBT, Biography Memoir

202 pages, Hardcover

First published May 17, 2002

Reviews

[stephanie · Rating 3 out of 5]

the story of a boy who had a teacher, and how they reconnected after 25 years. he ran away to san francisco, she married and grew up, and upon his death, he gave her the diaries of his past ten years, in order to try and make a book of it, some sense of it.

it made me wonder what i plan to do with all the journals i write and keep, and who will eventually find them.

it's a beautiful meditation on mortality, and the people we become, and the people we are. there's excellent discussion on who we are to different people, how we are remembered, how we become human, how the gaps are filled.

and yet i wanted more - i wanted more of vincent, more of the boy she once taught, more of the reason he sent them to her and how the consumed her.

[Beth · Rating 2 out of 5]

I couldn't finish this one, unfortunately. I found that I wasn't very interested in the author's view of the guy she was writing about. The guy himself was pretty interesting, although he did a lot of drugs (urban gay male culture in SF in the 80s--not surprising, of course), and I don't find that very interesting to read about. But the author is so boringly mainstream (white middle-class academic married to a nice white man with two nice white children living on the nice East Coast) that I couldn't get pulled in. It was a very original, fascinating premise (writing a memoir-cum-biography using a former student's diaries that were bequeated to the author). Too bad.

[Jeanette · Rating 2 out of 5]

This became so self-involved within the author's thoughts and opinions and far less to the student's diaries and life's good-byes, that I was disappointed. She didn't know him, IMHO.

I thought the saddest aspect that they are/were BOTH isolated and self-appointed "islands" to others in their daily lives. Just my opinion. But their commonality and connection seemed to be centered in this kind of aloneness desired and recognized in each other. Why else cut off most family and lose tract of friends or possible BFF's for decades. As a virtual habit. This was insufficient as an insight. And the writing was around the diaries.

[John · Rating 5 out of 5]

Author's former student from her days teaching high school in Brooklyn kept in touch for several years only by Christmas card exchanges, until the fellow's diaries arrived at her doorstep unexpectedly as part of his estate. Rather than a strict "re-creation" of Vincent's life, Stone went with contrasting diary entries against what she knew of him personally, as well as discussing how she dealt with issues similar to his in her own life. Highly recommended.

[Anna · Rating 3 out of 5]

While I wouldn't categorize this as fun in any way, this was a well written, memoir styled story of a man who died of AIDS--written by his former teacher. It's a profound connection---he left his diaries to her in his will and that's how she first knew the depth of his story. Really heavy but with heart, and a lot of musings on grief and death and dying.

[Bradley · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is on my all-time favorite list. Elizabeth Stone once taught a young man named Vincent. She made such an impression that Vincent and Elizabeth exchanged Christmas cards every year. In 1995, Elizabeth Stone receives a final package from Vincent. He has died and has left Elizabeth his journals in the hopes that they can be turned into a book. This book takes the reader through Vincent's life as a gay man living with AIDS in San Francisco during the 80's. But it also touches on Elizabeth's life and how reading about Vincent's life and his death helps her deal with her mother and her mother's illness.

2022: I'm revisiting all of my favorite books. I'm still in love with this book.

[eRin · Rating 2 out of 5]

I didn't love this. I guess I was hoping for...more. The premise is interesting -- a teacher receieves a box of diaries from a student she hasn't seen in twenty-five years. Vincent asks her to read them and try to put them in a readable format. Thus, the book is written.

However, Vincent's diary entries are strange, brief, and obscure at times. Then the author uses Vincent's life and death to refect on her own life and how she deals with death; and at least half of the book is about her reading the diaries. I didn't care much for that. I guess I was looking for more of a bio of Vincent's life. It wasn't bad, but not what I expected; and as a result I wasn't overly impressed.

[Leah · Rating 2 out of 5]

This book wasn't what I was hoping it would be: a retelling of the life of a former student. It was more about the author and her reaction to her student's life. One of his final wishes was for her to use his diaries to tell his story, so he wouldn't be forgotten. Instead, I felt the author used his diaries to tell her own story. I don't necessarily believe this was her intent (perhaps his writing was just too difficult to translate into a straight telling), but it was a constant distraction for me as I read.

[Chana · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book was not at all what I expected. It was too much information about a life-style that I am not sympathetic to. However, by the time that Eddie died I started to cry and could not quit for quite some time. The author is a generous woman and a fine writer. She gave me a lot to think about at a time when someone in my own life is ill, what it means to be compassionate and how to accept both life and death.

[Natalie Rayne · Rating 5 out of 5]

I really liked this book. I think it makes the reader really think about other people and to maybe not judge them so quickly.

[Matthew Lindsay · Rating 4 out of 5]

I should pick this one up again...the first time I did, I couldn't put it down.

[.Alexis M · Rating 2 out of 5]

A Boy I Once Knew is a novel written by a former high school teacher named Elizabeth Stone. There is a journey of discovery when she receives a box of diaries from her former student, Vincent, who recently passed away from AIDS. I couldn’t find any non-fiction books that sparked interest in me, but then I read the description for this novel online. It baffled me that this could be a true story, leaving a case full of diaries and asking someone to write a book about you, like it’s straight out of a movie! I needed to read it and know more so I ordered the book online.
Vincent was a part of Mrs.Stones first teaching class. They kept in touch through Christmas cards for over twenty years, but were no closer than that. Elizabeth spends over three years becoming more and more absorbed by Vincent's story, the short life of a gay man enjoying San Francisco and traveling around the world. She watches him deal with the deaths of his friends in the gay community, she judges him, she gets angry with him, and she develops some affection and compassion for Vincent. Although Vincent is not alive he challenged her and forced her to examine her life aswell as his.
“I think what Vincent wanted was for me to find him in his words, even between the lines. Then he wanted me to write him a story he could live in just as I had once told him I might.” When I started completing this book I came to realize that the book is not so much about Vincent but about the author. Stone focused much more on her life and I failed to gain a true connection with the main character. We end up seeing Elizabeth challenge her feelings and fears about death. Vincent proves to her that a loss in a relationship can deepen even after one of them is gone. This is a story about the connections we make with other people and how we won’t even fully understand the impact we had on another person.
I would recommend this novel to a teenage or middle aged group. I don’t think everything in this book could be fully understood for younger people, as it was hard for me. The story line is amazing but some parts of the book leave you bored or lost. A Boy I Once Knew is a slower going book and you have to be able to see the bigger picture. This is a powerful book about loss, memory, and the ways in which we connect with human beings.

[Janet · Rating 2 out of 5]

This book didn't work for me though I tried; I skimmed through mostly, waiting for its subject to take hold. Predominantly, she talks about herself. I was hoping that she'd reveal the 'boy she once knew' but she didn't. I skimmed faster until I was tossed out completely. I didn't reach the last page.

[Arianna · Rating 5 out of 5]

All of Vincent's diaries are located at the Lesbian and Gay section of the SF Public Library. This book is a biography about a teacher who receives a carton of diaries from her student, Vincent, from 20 years ago. The diaries hold his life, feelings, and how he died at a young age.

[Carmen Grantham · Rating 4 out of 5]

Shows how teachers can have a huge impact on their students.

[Robyn Ayers · Rating 4 out of 5]

love the concept, love vincent, don't love the exploitative way that straight author uses queer character as this idolized toolkit to her own lacking life.

[Gustav Sandberg · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very interesting idea and great execution!

[Eileen · Rating 4 out of 5]

Interesting read about 2 lives, about life, death, our relationship with both and with thoughts on re-framing our relationship with someone who has died.

[Jamie Smith · Rating 2 out of 5]

Just could not get in to this book not for me

[Courtney · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book was very interesting, at least the concept was.

The author was a former teacher. One day a box was delivered to her door. Inside were journals from a former student, Vincent, who passed away.

Instead of being honoured that Vincent chose her to attempt to leave some sort of legacy, I find the author spends much of the book bemoaning the fact. At some points she doesn't do a very good job at hiding the fact that she disapproves of how he lead in some areas and the fact that she didn't actually know him all that well.

I feel like, while the book was interesting in its own way, it had the potential to be something had the project been placed in better hands.

[Toni · Rating 2 out of 5]

I think I had higher expectations about this book when I started reading it. It was a great story about a teachers student who kept in touch with her through yearly Christmas cards who then died of AIDS. His diary, which he wanted her to read and write about, was the learning experience. It was kind of not very specific in a lot of places which made the story kind of hazy to me. It most definitely was a book on the sad side but I was expecting a book of impact and all I got was a nice, well-told story.

[MaryAnn · Rating 3 out of 5]

This was a hard book to read. Although the premise was intriguing the journey was painful. Frankly on one level I hated this book because while promising to be about a former student the book included more about the author than the student. It isn't until the end of the book that I got what the resolve was. Sorry, no spoiler here. Sometimes, though learning is a real pain in the ass.

[Karen Mayes · Rating 4 out of 5]

Really good book about the relationship between the teacher and her student... how the student Vincent dealt with AIDS epidemic, falling victim to HIV, how he blossomed despite the fact that he had HIV and was dying from it, etc. He instructed his teacher to make his diaries "real" to public...

[E. Bard · Rating 3 out of 5]

The book presents an interesting mix of the author's life with that of her former student - given that her student was a enigma until she discovers his life through his journals after he has passed away. Not what I expected.

[Roxana]

The story of a student reaching out to his teacher after many years, after he had died of AIDS. He had all his journals sent to her so that she could make sure he wasn't forgotten. She wove them into the story of his life and death.

[Kiana · Rating 1 out of 5]

Couldn't finish. I was hoping it would be as great as the story sounded but I was so bored of the authors dry descriptions. The book had potential but I got to page 60 and decided it wasn't worth my time.

[Helena · Rating 2 out of 5]

I loved the idea of discovering that you have personally impacted someone's life and that person actually let you know about it.

[Renee · Rating 4 out of 5]

Good book. Was a quick one as it's only 200 pages.

[Ning · Rating 4 out of 5]

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[Aimee Kudrna · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book gave me lots to think about. I enjoyed how it was written.