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The Erotic Mind: Unlocking the Inner Sources of Passion and Fulfillment
Challenging accepted theories about what makes for terrific sex, The Erotic Mind is a breakthrough exploration of the least understood dimensions of human sexuality—the psychology of desire, arousal, and fulfillment. Nationally known sex therapist Dr. Jack Morin offers a bold new perspective that celebrates the joys of Eros without denying its risks.
Based on an in-depth analysis of over 1,000 provocative stories of peak sexual experiences, The Erotic Mind offers clear, accessible guidance on how anyone can utilize his or her own peak encounters and fantasies as powerful tools of self-discovery.
The Erotic Mind explains the many paradoxes of erotic life, such as: why we're most excited when we must overcome obstacles; how anxiety, guilt, and anger—generally thought to have a negative impact on sexual arousal—often turn out to be aphrodisiacs; how we use unresolved issues from our early lives to intensify passion; and why the best sex is dynamic and unpredictable, rather than static and safe.
These and other insights, combined with concrete suggestions for increasing our enjoyment, overcoming our problems, and revitalizing our relationships, will change forever the way we think about our eroticism.
Based on an in-depth analysis of over 1,000 provocative stories of peak sexual experiences, The Erotic Mind offers clear, accessible guidance on how anyone can utilize his or her own peak encounters and fantasies as powerful tools of self-discovery.
The Erotic Mind explains the many paradoxes of erotic life, such as: why we're most excited when we must overcome obstacles; how anxiety, guilt, and anger—generally thought to have a negative impact on sexual arousal—often turn out to be aphrodisiacs; how we use unresolved issues from our early lives to intensify passion; and why the best sex is dynamic and unpredictable, rather than static and safe.
These and other insights, combined with concrete suggestions for increasing our enjoyment, overcoming our problems, and revitalizing our relationships, will change forever the way we think about our eroticism.
400 pages, Paperback
First published August 10, 1995
639 people are currently reading
5826 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 99 reviews
January 5, 2013
Sexy book. I had to read this for a Human Sexuality class. Unlike the other two texts I have read and I am going to go out in a limb here and say most self help books in general, Morin differs from other authors because he takes the time to really look at the philosophical and psychological drivers behind desire. So, while it is punctuated by saucy and slutty stories and fantasies, there is some great meat to chew on intellectually about the nature of desire.
September 24, 2014
A brilliant treatment of any subject that manages to be both wide-ranging as well as dense is an achievement in any field ; if it is one which occurs in a field whose mammoth importance is all too often brushed under the carpet, the achievement becomes even more luminous. The author takes on eroticism, which he differentiates from simple sexual arousal by poignantly defining eroticism as the human infusion of meaning into a raw animal urge. The infusion of this meaning, our individual human approaches to the question of our own reproduction, is by and large unconscious ; thus, a sizeable portion of the text is devoted to the deep mysteries of psychological development and how it affects eroticism. It is a fascinating journey that touches upon several arcane mysteries of erotic life e.g. BDSM and self-hate, frigidity and controlling mothers, the different erotic preferences of the genders. This is all accomplished while avoiding being bogged down by dated psychoanalytic concepts, thus making the text clear, current, and excitingly relevant. There's even a self-assessment quiz at the end.
I guess the biggest compliment I can pay to this book, and to the author, is that it has completely elevated my respect for the field of sexology and of sex therapists generally. I mean, think about it ; if sociology is essentially psychology, and psychology is essentially sexology, surely sexology is the most fundamental discipline? Of course, that such fanciful impulses have been generated within me is a testament not only to the thought-provoking substance of the book, but also to the sheer audacity of the broad synthesis that the author has managed to pull off here, and which he has hidden under the seemingly limited signifier of 'eroticism'. Very strongly recommended.
I guess the biggest compliment I can pay to this book, and to the author, is that it has completely elevated my respect for the field of sexology and of sex therapists generally. I mean, think about it ; if sociology is essentially psychology, and psychology is essentially sexology, surely sexology is the most fundamental discipline? Of course, that such fanciful impulses have been generated within me is a testament not only to the thought-provoking substance of the book, but also to the sheer audacity of the broad synthesis that the author has managed to pull off here, and which he has hidden under the seemingly limited signifier of 'eroticism'. Very strongly recommended.
Read
June 18, 2012What makes some sexual experiences so much more exciting than others? Why do we often find ourselves replicating the same patterns in fantasies and attraction? How can we maintain eroticism even in long-term relationships? The Erotic Mind, by sex therapist Dr. Jack Morin, looks at all these questions and more by considering the best of our sexual histories, looking at peak turn-ons and encounters to help understand the components of our individual eroticisms. Through the presentation of diverse case studies, specific guidelines for thinking about sexuality, and directed self-assessment and introspection to integrate his findings into our own sexual understandings, Morin provides an interesting read on eroticism that does not just strive to remove sexual difficulties but create for each of us our most fulfilling and exciting sex lives.
The one drawback to the text is that, although it includes examples from people of many sexual orientations, at times it merely reinforces pre-existing stereotypes about typical sexual behavior for particular groups, such as lesbians, gay men, or heterosexual couples. For these reasons, this work sometimes felt challenging or emotional to read, but if such feelings can be set aside, this book can be really helpful for the personal development of eroticism and sexual understanding.
The one drawback to the text is that, although it includes examples from people of many sexual orientations, at times it merely reinforces pre-existing stereotypes about typical sexual behavior for particular groups, such as lesbians, gay men, or heterosexual couples. For these reasons, this work sometimes felt challenging or emotional to read, but if such feelings can be set aside, this book can be really helpful for the personal development of eroticism and sexual understanding.
August 5, 2014
This a fascinating book about what turns us on, and why finding out what turns you on, specifically, can be a key to your personality, to deep levels of your subconscious. According to the author, most of all your fantasies are usually on the same theme - different scenarios, but the same theme. Also, if you would analyze the real life encounters that were the most arousing, they would have the same theme too. Everyone has a core erotic theme, as he calls it. That one thing that always turns us on like magic. And that core erotic theme holds the key to our personality, encapsulation of our deepest subconscious struggles, etc. Understanding what is your theme, he says, is very useful in the process of self-discovery in general and for sexual growth in particular.
He also talks about issues such as, when what turns you on might work against you, about the struggle of passion vs. fulfillment, about the key elements of sexual passion (there have to obstacles) and why intimacy kills passion, about shadow elements of sexuality (such as shame, guilt, fear, anxiety, etc) and why they are a turn on for many, about spiritual growth through sexuality, and about many more topics. Very interesting and insightful book. I recommend.
He also talks about issues such as, when what turns you on might work against you, about the struggle of passion vs. fulfillment, about the key elements of sexual passion (there have to obstacles) and why intimacy kills passion, about shadow elements of sexuality (such as shame, guilt, fear, anxiety, etc) and why they are a turn on for many, about spiritual growth through sexuality, and about many more topics. Very interesting and insightful book. I recommend.
July 28, 2011
Very interesting book. Gives a unique and nonjudgmental perspective on exploring the depths of one's most erotic thought patterns, incorporating elements from a more holistic framework. I highly recommend it, for the sexually 'stuck' to the just plain curious thinker.
February 20, 2021
I think this might be a life changing book for me. It's too early to tell, since I just finished it, but it offers so much insight into human sexuality that I think it might have really helped me.
The book's great achievement, I think, is that it finds the middle ground between the kind of archaeological approach of Freudian analysis and the mechanical approach of behaviourism or whatever you call what's in vogue at the moment. Morin calls his approach the paradoxical perspective and looks at the interplay between emotion and sex. He argues that sexuality is greatly influenced by your childhood but not in the complex, almost mystical way that psychoanalysis proposes. This meant I was able to pinpoint aspects of my childhood and family background that had a significant impact on my emotional development and thus on my sexuality, without having to wade through nonsense about the Oedipal complex.
I really like Morin's prose style, too. He writes with the clarity required for technical exposition, but he also has the appropriate amount of lyricism for the subject of eroticism.
If you find yourself lost in the space between love and lust, I'd highly recommend this book.
The book's great achievement, I think, is that it finds the middle ground between the kind of archaeological approach of Freudian analysis and the mechanical approach of behaviourism or whatever you call what's in vogue at the moment. Morin calls his approach the paradoxical perspective and looks at the interplay between emotion and sex. He argues that sexuality is greatly influenced by your childhood but not in the complex, almost mystical way that psychoanalysis proposes. This meant I was able to pinpoint aspects of my childhood and family background that had a significant impact on my emotional development and thus on my sexuality, without having to wade through nonsense about the Oedipal complex.
I really like Morin's prose style, too. He writes with the clarity required for technical exposition, but he also has the appropriate amount of lyricism for the subject of eroticism.
If you find yourself lost in the space between love and lust, I'd highly recommend this book.
November 26, 2019
The Erotic Mind: Unlocking the Inner Sources of Passion and Fulfillment
by Jack Morin
(Paperback)
from the library
I interviewed JM in 1985 or '86. We mostly discussed core erotic theme. Most of his clients were gay men and he is a gay man. This book came out in '95. In the acknowledgement he mentions that it took him a dozen years to write this book and he gives details that hint to me that this book was not a reality when we talked. He notes people who helped him develop the SES most of whom I know.
From the computer:
Introduction: Sex and Self-Discovery -- Pt. I. Realms of Passion. 1. Peak Erotic Experiences. 2. The Erotic Equation. 3. Four Cornerstones of Eroticism. 4. Emotional Aphrodisiacs. 5. Your Core Erotic Theme -- Pt. II. Troublesome Turn-Ons. 6. When Turn-ons Turn Against You. 7. Sex and Self-Hate. 8. Winds of Change -- Pt. III. Positively Erotic. 9. Long-Term Erotic Couples. 10. Signposts to Erotic Health. 11. Eros Fulfilled -- Appendix: The Sexual Excitement Survey.
by Jack Morin
(Paperback)
from the library
I interviewed JM in 1985 or '86. We mostly discussed core erotic theme. Most of his clients were gay men and he is a gay man. This book came out in '95. In the acknowledgement he mentions that it took him a dozen years to write this book and he gives details that hint to me that this book was not a reality when we talked. He notes people who helped him develop the SES most of whom I know.
From the computer:
Introduction: Sex and Self-Discovery -- Pt. I. Realms of Passion. 1. Peak Erotic Experiences. 2. The Erotic Equation. 3. Four Cornerstones of Eroticism. 4. Emotional Aphrodisiacs. 5. Your Core Erotic Theme -- Pt. II. Troublesome Turn-Ons. 6. When Turn-ons Turn Against You. 7. Sex and Self-Hate. 8. Winds of Change -- Pt. III. Positively Erotic. 9. Long-Term Erotic Couples. 10. Signposts to Erotic Health. 11. Eros Fulfilled -- Appendix: The Sexual Excitement Survey.
November 27, 2014
Some read on psychology of sexuality was next on my non-fiction list, and someone had suggested Who's Been Sleeping in Your Head?: The Secret World of Sexual Fantasy to me. I wasn’t as keen though after reading a few reviews here and there and finding out the author was a Freudian psychotherapist, because I already knew it would end up with me throwing the book across the room in frustration. So I picked this instead and thoroughly enjoyed it. It’s clear enough for anyone with no psychology knowledge and interesting enough for those who do and want to be signposted to more stuff on the subject. The only flaw I found wasn’t really a flaw of the book but rather my personal preference - some sections are structured as a self-help exercise, as it often happens with psychology books that aren't academic.
February 26, 2023
Skvělá kniha o sexu a vztazích psaná srozumitelným jazykem! Erudovaný americký sexuolog Morin není příliš neosobní a klinický ani křečovitě familiární. V první polovině je text obecnější, ke konci velmi instruktivní, po celou dobu interaktivní a napěchovaný příklady a kazuistikami.
Morin nejenom vybízí čtenáře k vedení poznámek a průzkumu vlastních fantazií a sexuálního života, má také schopnost odhadnout, kdy čtenář znejistí nebo je zahlcen otázkami a hbitě jej ošetřuje, aby se mohl vrátit k výkladu a měl čtenářovu plnou pozornost.
Doporučuji!
Morin nejenom vybízí čtenáře k vedení poznámek a průzkumu vlastních fantazií a sexuálního života, má také schopnost odhadnout, kdy čtenář znejistí nebo je zahlcen otázkami a hbitě jej ošetřuje, aby se mohl vrátit k výkladu a měl čtenářovu plnou pozornost.
Doporučuji!
April 25, 2025
Dit boek is bijna 30 jaar oud maar nog steeds relevant op het gebied van erotiek, seksualiteit en de psychologie erachter. Geen zelfhulpboek, maar een gedegen boek gebaseerd op de wetenschap. Erg boeiend!
March 6, 2022
Fantastic, clarifying, validating, informative, and educational. The Erotic Mind complements inner child and shadow work incredibly well, and unlike many psychological theories or ideas, the information in these pages is still relevant after so many years (it was originally published in 1995).
A must read for a critical understanding of the formation of our erotic lives and the complexity of what turns us on (or off) and why; identifying the core erotic themes that are running the show in every encounter, and a deeper and more compassionate view of your own creative, erotic energy.
A must read for a critical understanding of the formation of our erotic lives and the complexity of what turns us on (or off) and why; identifying the core erotic themes that are running the show in every encounter, and a deeper and more compassionate view of your own creative, erotic energy.
October 7, 2007
The author has some interesting views... I enjoyed his deliniation between the biological mechanics of sexual behavior and the psychological nature of eroticism. He presents his case in clear, compelling language. I only give it three stars because I expected a more advanced exploration of the topic; instead, the author could quite make up his mind between writing a clinical book and a popular book. Still, for those interested in the topic, it's a good read.
November 26, 2012
If I had to recommend one and only one book about human sexuality, it would be Jack Morin's The Erotic Mind, a book about unpacking and unlocking the sources of your sexuality embedded within your sexual fantasies and turn-ons. It's a wonderful, and eye-opening, book about the psychological dimensions of sex.
August 11, 2022
For a book about sex, this is extremely dry. Some beneficial insight for sure, and the author is obviously well versed in his practice. Yet I found myself regularly glancing at the progress % on my Kindle toward the home stretch. There are more engaging, far less clinical options in my experience.
June 9, 2016
This book wasn't for me as I figured. It might be an excellent source of information for a therapist, but it felt too analytical and boring for me. Nevertheless it has some good models and theories about sexual experiences, it just didn't worth the time I spent reading it.
February 6, 2023
Overall very balanced.
February 7, 2025
Extremely interesting body of work. I went into this thinking that it would be more informational about the psychology of eroticism, and while the author does cover that to some degree, this book functions more as a self-help book in my opinion. That being said, there’s still a lot of valuable input in here and I very much enjoyed the reading experience.
October 11, 2022
A very insightful guide. It's given me a great deal to think about.
December 29, 2022
Didn’t resonate or ring particularly true for me.
Read
January 12, 2023verrrry interesting
August 3, 2025
it was an interesting read. i found i had to listen to it and then physically re-read the parts I wanted to emphasize. insightful for sure.
June 12, 2023
4,5e ster.
August 24, 2025
FULL of couples therapy and sex therapy gems to say the very least! Loved the real case studies that he provided throughout. I think that it would be good to use for psychoeducation with clients.
August 30, 2018
The Erotic Mind is an antenna, you can discover things about yourself if you really hone into that frequency, you might even discover new sexual frequencies. The erotic mind is one of them books that you try to hide at work or that you wouldn’t really read on the bus without being self-conscious of the subject matter potentially meeting unruly eyes. As it says in the book the erotic mind is about suspending judgments, trusting yourself and using a gentle approach. It’s also quite complicated.
We’re all in the boat together it seems and we all drift different directions (sexually speaking) – we all have different turn on’s and fantasy’s and this book really encourages self-discovery, and I don’t mean having wild unspeakable sex, no it’s all about floating down that river and sometimes stopping if you see something interesting.
Here’s my small or large summation of the book that got me, Depression makes one feel dull, lifeless and helpless whereas peak erotism always fosters energy and vitality so following that train of thought, losing control once and a while isn’t a terrible idea.
The erotic equation isn’t complex but it isn’t simple and it typically doesn’t think the most rationally, as ‘erotic attitude does not develop toward a fully accessible partner, but is aroused like a cannibal’s appetite.’ – interesting thought. I usually just say horny or not thinking straight due to being extremely horny. Most of us want to import personality or physical traits from the desired one and for them to see items in you that are worthy of exporting. See my boat analogy turned into a ship importing and exporting goods.
Everyone is an object to someone else meaning seeing a sexy other is simply a stimulus, an object that stimulates but people must be always regarded in their entirety, and Jung often said that people must come to terms with the least acceptable part of themselves, the shadow.
Lust is sometimes the most tangible expression of a desire which is to reach out, to overcome physical separation or loneliness. Here, here. Now some other competing ideas in the book or that it mentions briefly is: all love is founded on a dissatisfaction with oneself or as Freud thought, it’s an impossible attempt to regain the symbiotic relationship we enjoyed so much as infants. He was obsessed with the breast mind you.
In this fragmented world, we all want to merge with the idealized lover and perhaps discover a sense of wholeness to compensate for our own deficiencies by this very merging. The erotic mind is dizzy and complicated but what we all want most desperately is to find someone who feels strongly about us as we do about them. It’s a push and pulls, it’s surrender and control and it’s sometimes tender, sometimes erotic and sometimes both. Emotion is important in sexual desire and without it, we can’t have a peak or sexual peak.
It touches on relationships, how they become stale or lack the passion it once had or worse, how we feel the need to control lovers when we have crucial emotional interests to protect. How strategies of manipulation and ultimatums are not ways of winning affection or maintaining healthy relationships.
‘he was gorgeous, an arrogant, sexy, cold type, exactly the type I dislike, so egotistical and smug in his sexiness.’ doesn’t this sound like a cannibal’s appetite?
My favorite line which sums up the struggle for men is ‘ the lonely, especially those convinced of their undesirability, find the lure of a beautiful other a painful reminder of deprivation.’ and I couldn’t have put it better myself.
Or thing’s that sound all too familiar ‘Someone who vacillates between enthusiastic responsiveness and aloof detachment.’
Now what I really learned from the book, wear a wedding ring! as erotic appeal boosts enormously for those who are spoken for.
Erotic Equation: Attraction + Obstacles = Excitement.
The geography obstacle keeps the passion alive so keep your lover far, far away (for a while at least). Also, clothing is an obstacle, wear sexy clothing.
Everyone wants attention from the desired sex, I mean everyone. We all wait by the phone waiting for that person we desire to text us back.
Having sex in risky places or place more likely to get caught increases excitement. Be more like teenagers every once and while?
Attraction is heightened with disapproved partners.
Sometimes awareness get’s in the way, consciousness that turns to self-consciousness breaks the spell.
Openness makes others feel open.
Positions of power keep the other in constant pursuit.
Intimacy should be authentic and not artificial and forced.
The unconscious mind does not distinguish between real and imagined threats.
Fear of rejection may cause pain but it also enhances desire.
Opposites attract – gentle and dominant, kinky and conventional, someone who is very verbal and someone who is, say non-verbal.
Some people rely on clashes and fighting to keep the spark in their relationship i.e anger and jealousy can be a sexual intensifier but it’s not exactly healthy.
Most women want men to prove their interest through persistence, that’s if you’re lucky enough to be the desired man in question. Keep trying.
If you have low self-esteem or think of yourself as ugly, you’ll try to fix this by getting attention from the opposite sex.
Women wait, Men, initiate – then if all the stars align we get the attention we all crave. how sad?
It can be particularly rewarding if you point out women’s flaws that you find attractive and vice versa.
We must look at how out of balance we are or deficient we are.
Attractions are very hard to change, like fingerprints.
Loneliness and desperation are compelling push motivators.
You need to be desperate to change if you want to really change.
All growth no matter how desirable or eagerly sought involves some sort of loss.
Take up the challenge to expand or reshape how you see yourself.
Reflective— Text that stands out
‘people who sexually stimulate us may be quite different than those that make us feel affectionate.’— it’s learning how to accommodate these competing urges it seems, ‘parallel systems of attraction, one associated with sexual magnetism and the other emphasizing features compatible with intimacy and affection.’
‘Anybody who might be attracted to him was, by definition, excluded from the ranks of the desirable. Only those who reinforced his self-contempt were worth objects of desire.’
‘I want to be able to enjoy sex with someone I love.’
‘Some people may associate commitment with being trapped’
It’s like Hollywood wrote the sexual script, the man pushes through heroine’s constant resistance, unleashing the wild, lusty woman who manages to transform his aggression into a blend of sensitivity, animalism, and gentleness. Take note of your core beliefs and recognise that they are dictating a lot of your actions.
Finally, there’s no one healthy erotic way to be, it’s vast and nuanced. Discuss problems, be verbal and give feedback and learn to be a good listener and have basic respect for people. Also, no one owes you sex. Also don’t put things in the corner, babies, dogs or dark lusty fantasy’s. It’s in these spaces that they fester into something ugly. Confront the shadow as it creates conditions of growth.
We’re all in the boat together it seems and we all drift different directions (sexually speaking) – we all have different turn on’s and fantasy’s and this book really encourages self-discovery, and I don’t mean having wild unspeakable sex, no it’s all about floating down that river and sometimes stopping if you see something interesting.
Here’s my small or large summation of the book that got me, Depression makes one feel dull, lifeless and helpless whereas peak erotism always fosters energy and vitality so following that train of thought, losing control once and a while isn’t a terrible idea.
The erotic equation isn’t complex but it isn’t simple and it typically doesn’t think the most rationally, as ‘erotic attitude does not develop toward a fully accessible partner, but is aroused like a cannibal’s appetite.’ – interesting thought. I usually just say horny or not thinking straight due to being extremely horny. Most of us want to import personality or physical traits from the desired one and for them to see items in you that are worthy of exporting. See my boat analogy turned into a ship importing and exporting goods.
Everyone is an object to someone else meaning seeing a sexy other is simply a stimulus, an object that stimulates but people must be always regarded in their entirety, and Jung often said that people must come to terms with the least acceptable part of themselves, the shadow.
Lust is sometimes the most tangible expression of a desire which is to reach out, to overcome physical separation or loneliness. Here, here. Now some other competing ideas in the book or that it mentions briefly is: all love is founded on a dissatisfaction with oneself or as Freud thought, it’s an impossible attempt to regain the symbiotic relationship we enjoyed so much as infants. He was obsessed with the breast mind you.
In this fragmented world, we all want to merge with the idealized lover and perhaps discover a sense of wholeness to compensate for our own deficiencies by this very merging. The erotic mind is dizzy and complicated but what we all want most desperately is to find someone who feels strongly about us as we do about them. It’s a push and pulls, it’s surrender and control and it’s sometimes tender, sometimes erotic and sometimes both. Emotion is important in sexual desire and without it, we can’t have a peak or sexual peak.
It touches on relationships, how they become stale or lack the passion it once had or worse, how we feel the need to control lovers when we have crucial emotional interests to protect. How strategies of manipulation and ultimatums are not ways of winning affection or maintaining healthy relationships.
‘he was gorgeous, an arrogant, sexy, cold type, exactly the type I dislike, so egotistical and smug in his sexiness.’ doesn’t this sound like a cannibal’s appetite?
My favorite line which sums up the struggle for men is ‘ the lonely, especially those convinced of their undesirability, find the lure of a beautiful other a painful reminder of deprivation.’ and I couldn’t have put it better myself.
Or thing’s that sound all too familiar ‘Someone who vacillates between enthusiastic responsiveness and aloof detachment.’
Now what I really learned from the book, wear a wedding ring! as erotic appeal boosts enormously for those who are spoken for.
Erotic Equation: Attraction + Obstacles = Excitement.
The geography obstacle keeps the passion alive so keep your lover far, far away (for a while at least). Also, clothing is an obstacle, wear sexy clothing.
Everyone wants attention from the desired sex, I mean everyone. We all wait by the phone waiting for that person we desire to text us back.
Having sex in risky places or place more likely to get caught increases excitement. Be more like teenagers every once and while?
Attraction is heightened with disapproved partners.
Sometimes awareness get’s in the way, consciousness that turns to self-consciousness breaks the spell.
Openness makes others feel open.
Positions of power keep the other in constant pursuit.
Intimacy should be authentic and not artificial and forced.
The unconscious mind does not distinguish between real and imagined threats.
Fear of rejection may cause pain but it also enhances desire.
Opposites attract – gentle and dominant, kinky and conventional, someone who is very verbal and someone who is, say non-verbal.
Some people rely on clashes and fighting to keep the spark in their relationship i.e anger and jealousy can be a sexual intensifier but it’s not exactly healthy.
Most women want men to prove their interest through persistence, that’s if you’re lucky enough to be the desired man in question. Keep trying.
If you have low self-esteem or think of yourself as ugly, you’ll try to fix this by getting attention from the opposite sex.
Women wait, Men, initiate – then if all the stars align we get the attention we all crave. how sad?
It can be particularly rewarding if you point out women’s flaws that you find attractive and vice versa.
We must look at how out of balance we are or deficient we are.
Attractions are very hard to change, like fingerprints.
Loneliness and desperation are compelling push motivators.
You need to be desperate to change if you want to really change.
All growth no matter how desirable or eagerly sought involves some sort of loss.
Take up the challenge to expand or reshape how you see yourself.
Reflective— Text that stands out
‘people who sexually stimulate us may be quite different than those that make us feel affectionate.’— it’s learning how to accommodate these competing urges it seems, ‘parallel systems of attraction, one associated with sexual magnetism and the other emphasizing features compatible with intimacy and affection.’
‘Anybody who might be attracted to him was, by definition, excluded from the ranks of the desirable. Only those who reinforced his self-contempt were worth objects of desire.’
‘I want to be able to enjoy sex with someone I love.’
‘Some people may associate commitment with being trapped’
It’s like Hollywood wrote the sexual script, the man pushes through heroine’s constant resistance, unleashing the wild, lusty woman who manages to transform his aggression into a blend of sensitivity, animalism, and gentleness. Take note of your core beliefs and recognise that they are dictating a lot of your actions.
Finally, there’s no one healthy erotic way to be, it’s vast and nuanced. Discuss problems, be verbal and give feedback and learn to be a good listener and have basic respect for people. Also, no one owes you sex. Also don’t put things in the corner, babies, dogs or dark lusty fantasy’s. It’s in these spaces that they fester into something ugly. Confront the shadow as it creates conditions of growth.
January 27, 2018
In this intriguing, insightful mix of analysis, anecdote and advice, San Francisco psychotherapist Morin developed an ‘erotic equation’ by drawing on the discussions of 351 respondents, straight and gay. This equation is: Attraction plus obstacles leads to excitement.
He also suggests that sexual obstacles in one’s youth create lifelong scripts for arousal, while a range of feelings including exuberance, anxiety and anger can intensify arousal. Hence his non-judgmental analysis of the fantasies of the people reviewed for this book answers the basic question of: Why does what turn us on, turn us on?
Understanding our peak sexual experiences and fantasies offers the greatest opportunity for self-discovery and possibility of revitalizing sexual experiences. Morin advises readers to confront the unresolved feelings that produce ‘troublesome turn-ons’ and offers a seven-step guide to modifying or expanding one’s erotic patterns. Morin observed that passion is hardly guaranteed in long-term relationships; but instead advises couples to recognize and address the interactive tension between intimacy and sexual desire.
This book is well organized, easy to follow and contains a wealth of fascinating information brought to life through the numerous personalized case studies.
Features:
• For anybody who is sexual!
• Invaluable book to understanding your sexual desires
• Contains self-administered Sexual Excitement Survey
• Includes numerous accounts of respondents
He also suggests that sexual obstacles in one’s youth create lifelong scripts for arousal, while a range of feelings including exuberance, anxiety and anger can intensify arousal. Hence his non-judgmental analysis of the fantasies of the people reviewed for this book answers the basic question of: Why does what turn us on, turn us on?
Understanding our peak sexual experiences and fantasies offers the greatest opportunity for self-discovery and possibility of revitalizing sexual experiences. Morin advises readers to confront the unresolved feelings that produce ‘troublesome turn-ons’ and offers a seven-step guide to modifying or expanding one’s erotic patterns. Morin observed that passion is hardly guaranteed in long-term relationships; but instead advises couples to recognize and address the interactive tension between intimacy and sexual desire.
This book is well organized, easy to follow and contains a wealth of fascinating information brought to life through the numerous personalized case studies.
Features:
• For anybody who is sexual!
• Invaluable book to understanding your sexual desires
• Contains self-administered Sexual Excitement Survey
• Includes numerous accounts of respondents
May 9, 2020
An essential book explaining how eroticism will impact our lives.
I was referred to this book from a bibliography of an author whom I don't recall, but thank you to you! Humans are erotic animals, and unfortunately, we are so wrongly prepared in our youth or schools or lives to understand better how much importance it can have on our couple. Because psychology and philosophy are part of our mind than the nature of eroticism transcends the animalistic sexual urges to become part of our personality. Understanding what core to our fantasies is helping us find common ground between them and should become keys in our sexual growth.
There was a captivating part of the book talking about long term couples and the necessity to differentiate between closeness and sexual desire. Compromising about each spouses' sexual needs to reach better intimacy will tame the passion. It appears to make sex exciting that it is a good thing to maintain a sane difference in our fantasies. Of course, it will require our spouse and ourselves to be more open-minded and accepting of the differences!
I was referred to this book from a bibliography of an author whom I don't recall, but thank you to you! Humans are erotic animals, and unfortunately, we are so wrongly prepared in our youth or schools or lives to understand better how much importance it can have on our couple. Because psychology and philosophy are part of our mind than the nature of eroticism transcends the animalistic sexual urges to become part of our personality. Understanding what core to our fantasies is helping us find common ground between them and should become keys in our sexual growth.
There was a captivating part of the book talking about long term couples and the necessity to differentiate between closeness and sexual desire. Compromising about each spouses' sexual needs to reach better intimacy will tame the passion. It appears to make sex exciting that it is a good thing to maintain a sane difference in our fantasies. Of course, it will require our spouse and ourselves to be more open-minded and accepting of the differences!
June 3, 2014
Picked this up on a whim and really enjoyed reading through it twice before shelving it. Dr. Morin developed a quiz of sorts (in the back of the book) and prompts you throughout the book to fill it out yourself before you read. It does take a little time but they are important questions regarding your sexuality as you see it, fantasies, and other psychological inquires to the elusive, personal eroticism. If you read, I suggest you take the test first and then dive into the chapters. He has snippets of stories from participants of his studies and goes back to flesh them out with his point of view as a therapist/psychologist. It's a creative way to help people focus their eyes inward on themselves to help develop and explore their sexuality in a healthy and rewarding way. Highly recommend for anyone at any point in their life.
October 30, 2020
This book certainly provides enlightenment and helps reveal aspects of eroticism and erotic psychology both on a personal level and in general. I would say it provides a path and some guideposts to understanding one's own erotic nature as well as the general functioning of erotic psychology. It doesn't quite provide a complete map or any specific satisfactory "answer-all", but it does start you on a journey with adequate provisions, a compass, and plenty of good advice.
I think the attitude that Jack Morin has towards the subject of eroticism and a person's sexuality is the right approach in a therapeutic context or even generally speaking. This aspect especially makes the book invaluable, to gain this insight into the correct mindset to have when dealing with one's own or another's erotic psyche.
I think the attitude that Jack Morin has towards the subject of eroticism and a person's sexuality is the right approach in a therapeutic context or even generally speaking. This aspect especially makes the book invaluable, to gain this insight into the correct mindset to have when dealing with one's own or another's erotic psyche.
August 15, 2021
Very insightful read. A psychoanalysis looks at the paradox of eros. Fullfilment and passion, ever swerving and informing each other. Passion looks for a fulfilllment in a partner and fulfillment requiring the uncertainty, risk and inhibition for passion to excel.
Really wonderful look into a judgement free zone around the subject of eroticism. Understanding the contradictory ways our upbringing and our inner drives conflict. The four corners of eroticism (longing and anticipation; violating prohibitions; search for power; overcoming ambivalence) helps to identify the triggers for ignition. Also, the attempt to make sense of variables in pithy questions like "attention" + "obstacles" = "excitement" rings so true after you see this.
Great read, and tremendous back half about the progression of love in long-term relationships
Greg
Really wonderful look into a judgement free zone around the subject of eroticism. Understanding the contradictory ways our upbringing and our inner drives conflict. The four corners of eroticism (longing and anticipation; violating prohibitions; search for power; overcoming ambivalence) helps to identify the triggers for ignition. Also, the attempt to make sense of variables in pithy questions like "attention" + "obstacles" = "excitement" rings so true after you see this.
Great read, and tremendous back half about the progression of love in long-term relationships
Greg
March 22, 2017
Excellent book. Was recommended to me by a fellow psychologist friend when I told them some of the questions I've had about sexuality etc. that I haven't found good answers for anywhere yet.
This book could easily greatly benefit a lot of people, and I found Morin's humanistic approach to be refreshing and validating - seeing self-affirmation and the search for wholeness being the underlying motives for our sexual expressions and desires. He compassionately helps the reader put the shame aside and begin to understand themselves and their erotic mind more.
Great mix of stats and how to's and personal stories which help normalize your experience as well as illustrate what he's talking about.
This book could easily greatly benefit a lot of people, and I found Morin's humanistic approach to be refreshing and validating - seeing self-affirmation and the search for wholeness being the underlying motives for our sexual expressions and desires. He compassionately helps the reader put the shame aside and begin to understand themselves and their erotic mind more.
Great mix of stats and how to's and personal stories which help normalize your experience as well as illustrate what he's talking about.
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