The New Rules of Attachment: How to Heal Your Relationships, Reparent Your Inner Child, and Secure Your Life Vision

by Judy Ho

A revolutionary approach to attachment theory that teaches readers how to heal their inner child to change their anxious, avoidant, or disorganized attachment style in relationships, friendships, at work, and home—perfect for readers of How to Do the Work , Polysecure , and Amir Levine’s Attached . ​

Did you know that attachment style impacts more than romantic relationships? As it turns out, most of us are thinking about Attachment Theory all wrong, and triple board-certified clinical and forensic neuropsychologist Dr. Judy Ho is here to set the record straight.
 
Grounded in the science of attachment, Dr. Judy’s game-changing approach shows that our attachment style impacts every aspect of our friendships, career, goal setting, and, critically, our sense of self. Moreover, we can all learn to become securely attached—no matter what attachment style we developed in childhood—meaning that we can reclaim our ability to feel safe, loved, and capable of achieving the life we’ve always wanted.
 
Through Dr. Judy’s innovative program, readers will learn to identify their attachment style, recognize their core needs and wounds, and implement evidence-based practical tools to heal their inner child as they develop the secure attachment we all need to thrive.
 
Readers will also benefit  
With warmth, authority, and a bias to action,  The New Rules of Attachment is a call to achieving unconditional self-love and a meaningful, joyful life.

Genres: Psychology, Self Help, Nonfiction, Relationships, Mental Health, Counselling

368 pages, Hardcover

First published March 26, 2024

About the author

Dr. Judy Ho, Ph. D., ABPP, ABPdN is triple board certified and licensed Clinical and Forensic Neuropsychologist, a tenured Associate Professor at Pepperdine University, and published author. Dr. Judy maintains a private practice in Manhattan Beach, CA where she specializes in comprehensive neuropsychological assessments and expert witness work. She regularly appears as an expert psychologist on television and other media, and is currently a cohost on CBS’s Face the Truth and author of Stop Self-Sabotage (available for pre-purchase now). She is a two-time recipient of the National Institute of Mental Health Services Research Award and hosts an active research program to improve mental health care for high-need populations.

Dr. Judy received her bachelor's degrees in Psychology and Business Administration from UC Berkeley, and her masters and doctorate from SDSU/UCSD Joint Doctoral Program in Clinical Psychology. She completed a National Institute of Mental Health sponsored fellowship at UCLA's Semel Institute.

Dr. Judy resides in Los Angeles, CA and enjoys snowboarding, writing music, singing, running, biking, cooking, playing video games, and dabbling in the art of flying trapeze during her time away from work. Her favorite pup is the Border Collie, and most memorable places to travel include Greece, Italy, and Sweden. She loves writing and can't wait to begin her second book project (details coming soon).

Reviews

[Delaney]

I am a nerd for attachment theory

[Nursebookie · Rating 4 out of 5]

TITLE: THE NEW RULES OF ATTACHMENT: How to Heal Your Relationships, Reparent Your Inner Child, and Secure Your Life Vision
AUTHOR: Dr Judy Ho
PUB DATE: 03.26.2024 Now Available

Discover a revolutionary approach to attachment theory that teaches readers how to heal their inner child to change their anxious, avoidant, or disorganized attachment style in relationships, friendships, at work, and home

THOUGHTS:

Triple board-certified clinical and forensic neuropsychologist Dr. Judy Ho’s program teaches how our own attachment style can affect all areas in our lives, provides actionable approaches to making small positive changes, and exercises to support the journey of healing. I am reading this book slowly with my husband and we are both learning from this and so grateful to learn from an expert.

[Linda Zagon · Rating 5 out of 5]

Dr. Judy Ho, has provided in “The New Rules of Attachment” a master piece and wealth of information on understanding attachment theory and style, to provide better ways achieving “Unconditional Self Love, and a Meaningful, joyful life. Based on Scientific Fact, Dr. Judy Ho has provided resources and the tools to do this.

The author has provided quizzes to identify your attachment mode. I would strongly suggest a pen and paper or journal to record your responses. I was constantly taking notes, but that is my style of doing things. This is one book that I will revisit often. There is so much information. There are written exercises, which are really helpful, and I found myself reminiscing about things from long ago. This is an amazing self-help and psychology book. Everything in this book takes a long time to digest. There are exercises in front of a mirror, and other tools that you can use when you utilize the attachment theory. I would highly recommend “The New Rules of Attachment” for other readers.

[booksbikesbooze · Rating 4 out of 5]

4-5 stars...

A very detailed, in depth investigation of the different attachment styles.
There are quizzes in the beginning to see what your attachment style is - whether it is just one, or a mix of two. Then, the book is divided into those 4 attachment styles, diving deeper into how it affects your family relationships, romantic relationships, career/goals, etc. There are tools for each attachment style, how to overcome, and heal.

This was very interesting to read about mine personally, but also the attachment style of partners we seek, and why/how this affects us.

Thank you to the publisher for my gifted copy - out now!

[Debbie Rozier · Rating 5 out of 5]

There is so much about this personal empowerment book that I loved.

First, I loved the fact that the author does such a great job explaining in the introduction about how to use this book.

This isn’t a read one time, take a few quizzes, and everything will get better book. Yes, the quiz that starts on page 13 is the basis to find your attachment style. But once you’ve identified the style(s) (there could be a primary and a secondary if you’ve had more than one caregiver) you can do a deep dive into those attachment styles with specific information and exercises to help you become confident in all aspects of your life.

I really appreciate the fact that any age can use this book. Even if your childhood was a long time ago (like mine), you can learn how that attachment you had has shaped your now in every facet of your life. I think being older even hits this concept home because I can see repeat patterns in different aspects of my life that that I now realize are rooted in my attachment style.

This is a great book to give to others because it makes you self aware and can promote positive growth.

[Lisa Albright · Rating 5 out of 5]

I love this book! Dr. Ho explains attachment in a way that is easy to understand and captures your attention immediately. The quiz to discover your attachment style is very enlightening and there were some surprises for me. I found the suggestions and exercises to be useful and helpful. This is such a great guide to understanding yourself and relationships and this a book that I will keep referring back to often.

I received a gifted copy in exchange for an honest review.

[Jordan · Rating 5 out of 5]

4-5⭐️ I really enjoyed this! I found it helpful both personally and professionally. The language is accessible and there are several helpful exercises for each attachment style — and for those reasons, I would recommend this for clients.

I liked this so much more than Attached. This is easily the most enjoyable book I’ve read on attachment theory.

[Booksandcoffeemx · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book is simply fantastic.
Not all self-help books work for me but this one is just perfect. It’s so interesting and easy to follow, I love the exercises and activities in it. I loved it.

Thank you Suzy Approved Book Tours for this tour invite.

𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝗡𝗲𝘄 𝗥𝘂𝗹𝗲𝘀 𝗼𝗳 𝗔𝘁𝘁𝗮𝗰𝗵𝗺𝗲𝗻𝘁 by Dr. Judy Ho released March 26, 2024.

[Elizabeth · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book was incredibly dry reading, but used as a reference, gives a tidy and thorough explanation of attachment theory and how to heal from insecure attachments.

[Sarah · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was great. I like this over Attached for many reasons. Mostly because it wasn’t repetitive and focused on short, key examples to help you identify which attachment style you belong to but then there were actionable steps you could take based on your attachment style. She also didn’t idolize secure attachment, more so just acknowledged that folks are different and there’s ways to combat your style, but there’s no need to fix anything and nothing is wrong with you :)

I have a pretty good background on attachment styles so I do think that helped me to be ready to dive right into the content. I will say that there is a fourth attachment style, “Disorganized” that was not talked about in Attached but I think is very important!!

I also want to shout out that this is not a relationship book so much as a self discovery and empowerment book.

I found this super beneficial and easy to listen to.

Bonus: she used the name “Sarah” in multiple examples and I liked that

[wellreadtraveler · Rating 4 out of 5]

The New Rules of Attachment is a comprehensive guidebook on improving your already amazing self. Dr. Judy Ho does extensive research into human nature and helps the reader identify their style and either cultivate that or give them tools to make changes. I enjoyed all the self reflection tests throughout the book even though I had an idea what my attachment style was. ( it’s also informative to read all the styles to help you understand people who are different from yourself)
I think if I had to pick the part I enjoyed the most it was the Five Types of Intimacy. Physical, emotional, intellectual, experiential and spiritual. Not only does Dr. Ho explain these styles and what they mean but she follows this up by explaining how you can take control to achieve them. I think sometimes we expect our partner to fulfil our needs but it’s in our best interest to go after what we want/feel/need. I feel like I learned so much from reading this book, not only about myself but things I can use in my friendships, my marriage, and even with my coworkers. Thank you Dr.Judy Ho.

[Cristina · Rating 4 out of 5]

Understanding that the childhood scripts and beliefs we internalized, many of which originated from our primary caregivers, continue to shape our adult decisions and the way we relate to others is the first step toward healing. Recognizing that these scripts often do not truly belong to us allows us to begin the process of letting them go. Remember, healing takes time and consistent practice, but it's never too late to change, grow, and live a fulfilling life aligned with your core values.

[Katie Murphy · Rating 4 out of 5]

Thank you to netgalley and the publisher for the ARC!

I’m a psychology lover so i was excited to refresh myself on attachment styles. I was surprised to find I learned a lot from this book. I appreciated the quizzes and tracking and explanations for how different attachments styles may show up for you depending on the situation you’re in. I always convinced myself you can identify with one attachment style only and this helped me gain insight into my self perception and others perceptions of me.

[MindOverMatter · Rating 3 out of 5]

I had high expectations of this one. But this book is too simple and it bored me. It still was somewhat entertaining and marginally interesting, so 3 stars.

[Laura · Rating 5 out of 5]

As a Special Care Counsellor, I have always been drawn to learning more about neuropsychology and anything to do with behaviours. When my children were young, I practiced attachment parenting, carrying my babies in a sling, co-sleeping, and doing long-term breastfeeding. But with baby #2 came post-partum depression, and I struggled with everything, feeling like a failure most of the time. It took me years to get back on track. Now my kids are adults, and I'm successful in my career, but when Dr. Judy Ho's new book came out, I knew I wanted to read it, fascinated, as I am, with this topic.

I was somewhat familiar with the attachment styles in a very general way but I wanted a more in-depth look at them. As I began reading and then filling out the questionnaire, I began to see clearly my attachment style and how it explained a lot of my behaviours! It was truly eye-opening...and surprising. Suddenly, my brain was flooded with childhood memories and I began to better understand myself.

The book is divided into chapters that explain the four different attachment styles and how to heal from those that prevent you from being securely attached and thriving in all aspects of your life. I particularly liked chapter 2 on self-concept, and the appendixes that offered self-compassion strategies and tips on how to deal with triggers. As I dived deeper into the information about my style, I realized two things. First is that throughout the years I have worked at making the changes Dr. Ho talks about. No easy feat, but I am in a much better place. Second is that there is still more I can do to make sure I use the right coping strategies, hence the usefulness of this book. The exercises included are insightful but not easy to do at times because they require much self-reflection. However, that is the only way to change for the better. Even if you start with only a few things, this book can really empower you to make the changes that will help you reach your full potential.

The New Rules of Attachment is an excellent resource for everyone, yes everyone, because we all have attachment issues that we can eliminate or improve. It's for individuals who want to understand themselves or others better. It's for the parent who wants to raise securely attached children. I also recommend it for professionals who work in social sciences, psychology, and in the health and wellness fields. Thank you Dr. Ho for your insights and guidance in this book that leads to self-exploration and self-transformation.

[Dianne · Rating 5 out of 5]

I think anyone who is interested in having a relationship or is currently in a relationship would find some use from this book. I began reading this when I was single and felt I was secure. Then I came back to it a little later once in a relationship and saw there were a couple of things I could hone in on (I don't like asking for help for example). Then I up heaved my entire life to move overseas with my boyfriend and am struggling immensely with this as someone who despises travel.

I realise I'd cultivated the perfect nice little life for myself and now that's all gone. This book has helped me highlight why I'm currently depressed. I feel like I have come to some coping mechanisms on my own but this book helped me talk to my partner about the struggles I faced while we travelled through Asia and now that we're finding our footing in a new country.

I'm used to being independent and crave my alone time to keep my sanity and happiness. Living in very close quarters with someone means I need to find time to adventure out alone. But enjoy retelling those adventures to my loved one at the end of the day. This book has helped me know its OK to ask for a hug (where previous partners have often shunned me) and that its OK to ask for help or let someone know I'm having a rough time and to communicate what I need. It's not a switch you can just turn on. But little by little, I hope to improve and this book lets you know you're not the only one on this journey. We're all in it together.

[Kathleen · Rating 5 out of 5]

Dr. Judy Ho and her approach with the different attachment styles and how they affect us as adults is so validating. In this book, Dr. Ho includes a quiz for figuring out your attachment style, then gives descriptions for what they meant for people as children noting what core needs were wounded, and how that affects people in adulthood through their romantic relationships, family relationships, work, school, friendships, and self-concept. Her program provides exercises and methods for readers to work themselves in all areas of life. Through reading and completing the tasks, readers are able to heal their inner child so that all can develop a secure attachment style.

I felt called out by Dr. Judy Ho in this book! The way that she was able to explain me perfectly made me feel less alone in my struggles. As a parent, I felt this book provided me with more context in how to heal myself and the awareness to raise my children in a way to hopefully make sure they have a secure attachment. I appreciated this book and hope that by continuing to do the exercises, I can be the best person and mom I can be.

Thank you to NetGalley and Hachette Audio for the advanced copy of the audiobook in exchange for my honest review!

[Susan Ballard (subakkabookstuff) · Rating 5 out of 5]

I'm not a big nonfiction reader, but I was drawn to this book because attachment issues affect our relationships and our self-esteem, something I’ve struggled with.

Dr. Judy Ho is a triple board-certified and licensed Clinical and Forensic Neuropsychologist, yet her writing is not clinical or academic. Instead, it feels inviting and empathetic. She breaks down the different attachment styles and how they can affect all our personal and professional relationships, but it starts with our own sense of self and well-being.

I enjoyed that Dr. Ho supplemented each section with quizzes, exercises, and examples. I want to share the Attachment Styles with you because many people misinterpret “attachment” as needy or insecure (which it can be, but not always) - trauma, hurts, losses all come into play. Dr. Ho unpacks all of this for us.


🧩The Secure Attachment Style
🧩The Avoidant Attachment Style
🧩The Anxious Attachment Style
🧩The Disorganized Attachment Style

I gleaned much from this insightful book. I recommend it to those looking for beneficial and sound guidance in understanding some deep-rooted issues and relationship struggles and cultivating a more positive life.


Thank you @suzyapprovedbooktours and @drjudyho for a spot on tour and a gifted book.

[Country Mama · Rating 4 out of 5]

I liked the quizzes in this book, I love a book for self help where you can be interactive and do things in the book. I found the quizzes to be accurate in the sense of I know where I am in the attachment field and the author is right with her assessments. Inner Child work is important to do with any attachment issues or mental health issues. And the idea of a journal is also supremely important for any mental health or attachment isssues.
The author does know what she is talking about in this book and I really enjoyed reading the book. There is a lot of research and personal experiences from the author with this book. I think she wrote a very good book for people with attachment issues and how to work on fixing these issues before they are a big problem or continue to be one.
I recommend this one to readers who have need of working on their attachment issues.

[Shalini · Rating 4 out of 5]

Judy Ho's "The New Rules of Attachment" helped me understand the thoughts and behaviors of those who are securely attached so I may emulate this attachment style over time . I then transitioned to reading about my own attachment style , the Disorganized ( Surveillance Specialists ) . I relate to the push and pull of intimacy that occurs in this attachment style and can track how these patterns of behavior have ruined professional and personal relationships of mine . I am thankful that I still have an "inner circle" of friends who I can practice secure attachment behaviors with .

This is a book I will be returning to in order to complete all of the Exercises that Dr. Ho has to offer . The exercises are activities that can help one practice a secure attachment style or fill in gaps within their own insecure attachment style .

[Jennifer ~ TarHeelReader · Rating 5 out of 5]

I really enjoyed this positive and affirming look at attachment theory and how it can be used to improve adult relationships, sense of self, well-being, and so much more. The New Rules of Attachment is a thorough and approachable book, intended for all audiences of readers. There are thoughtful exercises included, which allow you to journal and reflect upon all the content shared.

Overall, this is a groundbreaking book offering insight on a personal level, and as a psychologist, I’m grateful to have it on my shelf, both personally and professionally.

I received a gifted copy.

Many of my reviews can also be found on my blog: www.jennifertarheelreader.com and instagram: www.instagram.com/tarheelreader

[Leanne · Rating 4 out of 5]

Dr. Judy Ho has written The New Rules of Attachment too understand your attachment style and guide you through change. Dr. Judy Ho explains everything in the start of the book and I found it easy to understand and follow. The quiz in the beginning of the book will tell you your attachment style and then she talks about each style explaining why. A book that I will be revisiting often. I recommend having a journal or notebook to take notes and answer the quizzes. I love the exercises and actually feel they were quite enjoyable. I also love that it didn't feel like a book that was telling you what to do but rather more guiding you. I can highly appreciate the help!

[Miss W Book Reviews · Rating 5 out of 5]

The New Rules of Attachment by Dr. Judy is an outhandling book on attachment theory.
There are so many different ways in which Dr. Ho presents her science backed information.

There are quizzes and exercises which were really helpful.

The book is so easy to read, whether your versed in psychology or not.
This book is the ultimate guide to living your best and most authentic life.

Understanding the different types of attachment styles really help me understand how to achieve personal growth.

This is a book that I will go back to time and time again.

Highly recommend!

[Dawnny · Rating 5 out of 5]

Dr. Judy's approach to the rules of attachment and how it impacts our every day lives. From our relationships, our careers, our friendships and more. You learn how to identify attachments and how to start making changes to heal. I really like Dr.Judy's approach on many things. I watch her videos all the time. This is the second book I've read of hers. I find the exercises and tools to be very helpful. This is a book everyone can benefit from.

Dawnny Ruby
Novels N Latte
Hudson Valley NY

[Air · Rating 5 out of 5]

A wealth of knowledge is held within this book and I’m ecstatic to be able to read it! Not only do you learn an innovative approach to attachment theory, but Dr. Judy Ho has left us quizzed and practicals to help us truly understand what she’s writing. It was quite fun sitting with the a notebook and taking notes! I think this book is SUPER helpful and one I’ll definitely be referring back to often. We need more books like this!

Thank you to the Author, Dr. Judy Ho and Suzzy book tours!

[Christy Taylor · Rating 5 out of 5]

I had never thought about the concept of attachment styles prior to reading this book but found it all very interesting. I enjoyed learning about the various styles and doing the exercises to find out my style. I switched between physical and audio and loved that the author was the narrator for audio. I really appreciated this practical book. I will recommend it to others and also refer to it moving forward.

[Marilyn Goncalves · Rating 4 out of 5]

So I found this book to be very interesting and uncomplicated. I particularly was very intrigued by doing the exercises and learning where I fit in the various concepts of attachment styles.
I have to say it really clicked, once I did the quiz I see where it really does impact my lifestyle, my family life, my friendships and many decisions I’ve made.
So very interesting and an easy read, so happy to have read this book.

[Mara Charles · Rating 5 out of 5]

5/5. It took me several months to finish this, but I really wanted to absorb the information and give the exercises thought and intention. This is a read I will come back to over and over again. It helped me see myself in a new light and also gave me insight into some of my loved ones’ behaviors. I really enjoyed the perspective on how attachment styles can show up differently in different aspects of life. I highly recommend this book!

[Angel De · Rating 5 out of 5]

Just finished this and really enjoyed it. I’ve read other books on attachment before, like Attached, but they often felt a bit focused on anxious types. This one felt way more balanced. It explains all the styles clearly and helps you understand both yourself and how to navigate relationships with others romantic, friends, or family.

[Matt · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book is fine. I don't feel like there's a lot of new revelatory information.
Attachment theory has entered into the popular consciousness. This book does a good job of laying out a plan of action for healing one's attachment style. I have a lot of clients that think that attachment style is immutable, so I'm glad that message is getting out there.