All Blacks Don't Cry

by John Kirwan

John Kirwan was one of the most devastating wingers New Zealand, and world, rugby had ever seen. A prominent and revered figure at the dawn of the professional age of rugby, he seemed to live a charmed life. Nobody knew, though, that behind closed doors 'JK' was living a life of tormented fear. Afflicted with depression for many years - including those as a high-profile sportsman - Kirwan was able to survive by reaching out, seeking help from those closest to him. All Blacks Don't Cry is John Kirwan's story of hope, of working through the pain and living a full life - a poignant, inspirational and helpful example for anybody battling depression. 'I've been to hell and I'm back. If you're in that same place, then I understand what you're going through.'

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Genres: Nonfiction, Biography, Book Club, Sports, Psychology, Mental Health, Memoir

288 pages

First published October 25, 2010

About the author

Sir John James Patrick Kirwan KNZM MBE is a New Zealand rugby union coach and former player of both rugby union and rugby league.

He scored 35 tries in 63 tests for New Zealand, making him one of the highest try scorers in international rugby union history, and was part of the New Zealand team that won the first Rugby World Cup in 1987. He also played rugby league for the Auckland Warriors in their first two seasons. He is the former head coach of the Blues in Super Rugby, and the Japan and Italy national teams.

In recent years, he has spoken openly about his battles with depression and been honoured for his services to mental health.

from Wikipedia

Reviews

[Thomas Edmund · Rating 5 out of 5]

My initial thoughts of Kirwan's Depression campaign were favourable although I must confess an aspect of me took it for granted that such a project was a symptom of famous people syndrome where popular well known folks get shoulder-tapped to engage in such 'good-works' only to increase their popularity and so forth.

This couldn't be further from the truth. Kirwan did the project out of good-will and genuine desire to help. It was also a struggle to decide to engage in the project, even as world-renowned sportsperson Kirwan's family were concerned about the negative perception of others.

So anyway, the actual book was a surprise for me. Far from an autobiographical or self-help seminar the book really just contains a a straight-forward and down to earth description of what Kirwan went through and a few pieces of advice especially for other 'manly' men. The book doesn't try to cover everything re: depression nor does is dramatize or over-celebrate Kirwan's life and career. It really is a simple, succinct, summary of Kirwan's experience with depression and panic attacks, what helped, what didn't help and few pointers of advice.

In short an excellent read for anyone.

[Ben · Rating 5 out of 5]

As someone just going through early stages of anxiety and depression, this book gave me real hope and helped me understand what I was going through. It's very hard to explain to someone when you cannot understand the problem yourself, but reading this in the language and style it's written has helped me immensely. Should be more readily available in the UK.

[Ben · Rating 3 out of 5]

JK is hero to an entire generation of New Zealanders. His ethic is incredible, as evidenced by, and in, this book.

His story was shared at a precipice of New Zealand culture, a turning point in the way we view mental health. This book is at its best while JK, his friends and family, are struggling through the process of understanding mental health.

[Kate · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is an excellent book - not in the sit down and escape kind of way but in the I can do something for myself or loved one.

Here in New Zealand this guy is a famous sports hero and to publish such a book is outstanding. It is very revealing but incredibly useful for somebody who is dealing with depression either themselves or as a support person. The language is appropriate but the type set big with nice pictures so a non reader will not be put off.

As a health professional there was nothing new or surprising for me however he demystifies the realities of mental health beautifully and deals with much of the stereotypical perceptions well. So much so I have recommended it to several patients within a day of completing it!

A well constructed thought provoking self help book - I hope he is the next coach of the All Blacks it would do much to empower the best in men.

[palomino · Rating 4 out of 5]

I was IN AWE when a Legendary All Black Rugby Player John Kirwan, came forward and spoke of major anxiety issues and depression at the height of his career some years ago … issues he delicately called ‘freaking out’. I enjoyed this book, specifically for men dealing with anxiety and/or depression. Rugby in New Zealand IS New Zealand and unfortunately that makes these mere rugby players ‘gods’. To have such a talented player and man stand up publicly and tell his story when no-one else would even utter the embarrassing words “Mental Illness” has helped changed SO MANY lives since his story was told.

[Alsie · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book does an amazing job of fighting the stereotypes of depression and mental illness. In All Blacks Don't Cry, John Kirwan remembers the the walk he went through battling severe depression and also gives tips of getting through He proves you don't have to be a soft person, as many think, to suffer from depression. It was great he addressed the stereotype of Kiwi guys needing to be 'tough and invincible', as it simply isn't possible for people to never have times they find hard.

A great memoir, I think this would a book of great support to people suffering.

[Martin Braunton · Rating 4 out of 5]

A really useful account of the author’s battle with depression. I was lucky enough to meet John Kirwan recently and he told me about this book.
There are all sorts of useful strategies that JK used to overcome depression.
A very honest and heartfelt account. The final section - a Q & A with doctors, etc - is well recommended too.

[Gary Pointon · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great book and brilliant ideas

[Jed Symonds · Rating 3 out of 5]

The fact that the All Blacks doctor didn’t know what was wrong with JK when he first started playing in the 80s is crazy to me, wild how things have changed over the years.

It’s a testament to JK and people like him that the concepts and experiences in this book are already common knowledge to me, shows how much mental health awareness and approach has changed in this country.

[Cassie W · Rating 2 out of 5]

I’m glad this book exists but it isn’t really written for me. I am not the audience.

[Lise Cartwright · Rating 5 out of 5]

If you know someone who is suffering from depression and just don't understand, this book will help - you can't expect to understand something you've never experienced, but you can understand and empathise once you 'get' that this isn't about you, it's about them.

[Graveydice · Rating 5 out of 5]

What JK has done for mental health - especially men's mental health in New Zealand - is nothing short of ... well ... words kinda fail me. Heroic, life-saving, life-changing, he is just brilliant.

[Pierre ELIAS · Rating 5 out of 5]

All Blacks Don’t Cry: A Story of Hope/All Blacks Don’t Cry : Une histoire d’espoir (Rugby): 2010 — Sir John Kirwan (CLICK -> 17 Minutes Video) — NEW ZEALAND

I have gone through seven depressions in 18 years, on the bipolar spectrum. I have gathered a lot of resources in this blog post “Depression is the shadow of your PASSION”. You are most welcomed to contribute. J’ai traversé sept dépressions en 18 ans, sur le spectre bipolaire. J’ai rassemblé de nombreuses ressources dans cet article de blog “La dépression est l’ombre de votre PASSION”. Vous êtes les bienvenus pour contribuer.

I recommend this video TED CONFERENCE, ANDREW SOLOMON, depression: the secret we share (subtitles in THIRTY THREE languages)/Je recommande cette vidéo TED CONFERENCE, ANDREW SOLOMON, dépression : le secret que nous partageons (sous-titres en TRENTE TROIS langues)

--> My blog article! https://pierrelias.medium.com/tips-on...

[Annawebby · Rating 5 out of 5]

For people outside of New Zealand, I can't emphasise enough how big a deal it was for John Kirwan to write this and discuss mental health issues in the open. If it can happen to the most successful individuals in the ultimate "man up" silent and strong community that is rugby, it can happen anywhere. I think it has helped innumerable people to gain awareness of mental health in themselves and their loved ones and also to give them hope.

[Julie · Rating 3 out of 5]

Great book written by a legend who truly practices what he preaches and truly believes in what he writes. This a great book about JK's journey through depression and coming out on the other side with the sheer determination to share his story, not just for himself but to better the community around him.

[Naomi · Rating 4 out of 5]

It feels like JK is talking to you personally talking to you. So humble, so practical and real. An easy read for anybody in depression, recovering or learning about it.

[Cheryl Newth · Rating 5 out of 5]

Very informative.

[Graham Small · Rating 4 out of 5]

As the cover days..a book about hope. Easy and enlightening read

[John · Rating 2 out of 5]

Honest and very easy reading

[JayJay · Rating 4 out of 5]

Probably more for people who have depression, but inspiring read all the same :)

[Hayley.gotlieb · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is one of the best books I have ever read. As a Mental Health Support Worker I recommend this book to many people who come in to our service.

[Aimee Lowe · Rating 3 out of 5]

quick easy read, helpful advice, probably more for kiwi blokes specifically though

[Mike Hales · Rating 5 out of 5]

Brilliant

A great book, honest, brave and full of slivers of light that give hope and energy to fight depression. Given Kirwan's standing as an all black this is a powerful wake up call for all men.

[Reba · Rating 4 out of 5]

I felt like it was important to read this book as a Briwi* counselling student because of John Kirwan's place in New Zealand culture - both as one of the first rugby superstars and for his incredible work facing the depression awareness campaign. I didn't expect this book to be great, or even good (my bullshit assumptions about what professional rugby players are like are showing here), but I absolutely loved it.

Blokey men are at particular risk when it comes to depression, as they are often massively affected by patriarchal rules about 'manliness' and not showing emotional vulnerability. John Kirwan, aka JK, has done a great service to the world in writing a book on his personal journey through depression for such a audience. His warmth, humility, thoughtfulness, and huge heart shine through, along with stigma-busting and many practical suggestions for dealing with depression. He also touches on his thoughts around the sociological influences on people developing depression.

I may have fallen a leetle bit in love with this guy, and am really looking forward to reading his later book on parenting/supporting teens dealing with mental health issues next.


*Briwi = British-originating Kiwi resident

[Jane · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is amazing, and John Kirwan deserves a medal for writing it! It is so much more costly to come out with the fact that you've had depression when you're a famous person. But John does more, he is part of a whole awareness campaign in his home country of New Zealand.

If you suffer from depression, or have a loved one who does, this book is a must. It is SO clear, non-judgmental, and not at ALL the "you must do this, you must do that" kind of book. John just shares his story with honesty and clarity. And it sounds just like a sportsperson wrote it! It's pithy, going straight to the point. It is indeed, as the subtitle says, a story of hope.

If you found this helpful, you might want to read, Thank GOD for antidepressants! by Jane Newman, which deals with the struggles of having to take long-term medication and the fall-out on one's relationships.

[Adrian · Rating 3 out of 5]

New Zealand males are pretty basic types, you might even call them emotionally retarded. What John Kirwan has done with this book is step outside that claustrophobic insular world of macho Kiwi maleness - wherein it's pretty much a sin to hire a builder rather than build your house yourself - and single-handedly attempt to usher in an era during which it's acceptable to talk about subjects other than house prices and deck sizes, and to feel emotions that don't fit into the box of frontiersman stoicism. For taking that risk and making it pay off to the extent that he has been rewarded with a knighthood for services to mental health, he deserves to win the Super Rugby title with his new team the Blues!

[Allyson · Rating 4 out of 5]

Well worth a read. This personal account of depression is written in John Kirwan's simple, sincere style and describes his personal battle with and life after the battle. He believes that the tough rugby culture and drive required to be a top sportsman prevented him from seeking help earlier and provides information about how to detect and live with depression. Inspiring. Although I found his very simplified style irritating initially (there's something "honest Kiwi bloke gets in touch with his softer side" about it), his desire to share his experience and get his message across simply took over and I soon focused on the message.

[Jo · Rating 1 out of 5]

I find it massively patronising that he says "I understand what you are going through" Really?
In his book he writes (as does his doctor) that he wasn't suicidal. How can somebody who hasn't experienced this side of depression understand what a suicidally depressed person is going through?
He wasn't psychotic, he wasn't admitted to an inpatient unit and given safety sheets for the mattress on the floor, held down and given an injection of antipsychotic after taking an overdose. So I find glib phrases such as "hold on to hope" and "I know what you are going through" pretty lame to be honest.

[Tony Nielsen · Rating 4 out of 5]

Ex famous All Black rugby player & now International rugby coach John Kirwan has fronted a series of campaigns in New Zealand raising awareness of depression, especially among males. This book summarises his journey from depression to wellness in a frank and meaningful way. Excellent and inspirational read from a high profile sportsman who decided to use his successful battle to highlight a pathway for others.

[Merryn · Rating 5 out of 5]

I highly recommend this for anyone who has suffered from depression or who is supporting someone who has depression. It is an honest and frank look at symptoms, causes and how to help. I really admire JK for putting his hand up and admitting that he suffers from a mental illness - he has removed a lot of the stigma surrounding it in NZ, especially for men.