False Intimacy: Understanding the Struggle of Sexual Addiction

by Harry Schaumburg

With frank honesty, False Intimacy offers realistic direction to those whose lives or ministries have been impacted by sexual addiction while examining the roots behind these behaviors. This compelling book examines different aspects of sexual addiction, including shame, purity, and forgiveness, while exploring one’s true identity and God-given sexuality.

Genres: Counselling, Christian, Psychology, Sexuality, Nonfiction, Self Help, Relationships

256 pages, Paperback

First published December 1, 1992

Reviews

[Mike · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book tells men (and women who listen) what the real problem of pornography addiction. It isn't what many women have supposed is the problem. The real problem with porn is that it allows men to shuffle off into a false world so they don't have to deal with the difficulties of the real world.

[Edie · Rating 4 out of 5]

I wanted to understand why some people struggle with sexual addictions. What is the underlying reason that leads them to sacrifice real relationships for a false one? I felt I got my answers. It looks at different needs, when unmet in childhood, led to self-preserving actions later. The book doesn't delve into all the situations that can lead to this, though they do have a number of examples. The book also doesn't set out to fix a person with sexual addictions. Schaumburg points out that by not acting out these addictions doesn't fix the problem either. It is deeper than that and counseling is probably necessary to work through these deeper issues. The book is not only written for the sexually addicted person but also for their spouse.

[Teresa · Rating 3 out of 5]

There are some good & educational parts, but I'll be honest: when the author began referring to perpetrators of child sex abuse as "sex addicts," he lost me... lost me enough I haven't finished.

Sex addiction might be an additional affliction abusers have, but one isn't necessarily a crime & the other is. One doesn't necessarily harm children directly; the other does.

Maybe I don't understand this kind of addiction yet, or maybe False Intimacy failed to educate me. Either way I developed resentment enough at suggestions to take possible sex abuse as needing the same solution/action as finding hard-core porn on a spouse's computer that I left the last quarter of this book unfinished. (I abhor not finishing a book, so will think about finishing at a later date.) Any book I read that makes me wonder, "My God, how many children has this minister/therapist left in the home???" -- and is NOT fiction -- makes me question the validity of anything between the book's covers. I appreciate the Christian-based approach to this growing societal ailment, but cannot condone doing anything but absolutely protecting children who are being victimized. Period.

I think I did get a cursory education as to the depth & breadth of this kind of addiction (which is heartbreaking in itself), and don't doubt the author's desire to help these people stop destroying themselves, their families, and to stop their role in damaging society, but I feel the need to read other material on this subject, both for the education I thought I'd get here, and to see how far off my assessment of Schaumburg is.

[Sean · Rating 4 out of 5]

A trenchant study of sexual sin, and its addictive character, from an evangelical Christian perspective. Since Schaumburg is a counselor, and writes from the viewpoint of one, he shares many stories of his counselees, which describe the various ways in which sexual immorality can damage lives and upend families.

It is an emotionally taxing and sobering read, not just for those who struggle with this kind of sin, but for any Christian. This is due to the fact that by the book's end, Schaumburg warns every believer to reflect on, and deal with, the idols of his or her heart, no matter whether they have to do with sex, or something else.

The only things that are somewhat lacking in this volume are 1) a "big-picture" view of Christian sanctification and how one's war with sexual lust fits into this larger perspective, as well as 2) comfort and encouragement offered to those who struggle with lust. Because these are given attention in the 2004 Crossway volume "Sex and the Supremacy of Christ" (particularly David Powlison's essay), it deserves a higher rating than Schaumburg's work. Even so, "False Intimacy" is highly recommended.

[Ed Worden · Rating 5 out of 5]

Required reading for personal restoration

Not an easy read by any account, Dr Schaumburg tackles sexual addictions by understanding what the Bible calls falling short of God's best. Sin is sin, and excuses are readily available by those who are not ready to be honest.

However, as followers of Jesus, His truth can set us free. Restoration is possible, as long as honesty is foremost and transparency is in place.

God loves the struggling son or daughter and will fully embrace and give grace to the humble.

[Mike · Rating 5 out of 5]

I read this back in 1999, and don't remember much about the book now. However, it caused me to write long diary entries at the time about its effect on me and how I could change bad habits in my life, so I must have greatly appreciated what Schaumberg had to say.

[Craig Matthews · Rating 5 out of 5]

Have read this excellent book several times and shared it with many people over the years. A must read for those struggling with Sexual Addiction and for those who are close to someone who struggles with those issues.

[Alibinsaleh · Rating 3 out of 5]

The author emphasizes in his book that sexual addiction is not a physical disease but rather a sinful heart and self-centeredness which is a result of backing away from God.

[Hannah Hernández · Rating 4 out of 5]

Best book I've read on Sex and Addiction! Must-read!

[Glenn McKissic · Rating 5 out of 5]

Written very thoroughly…..about an important topic that is not easy to discuss Dr Schaumburg correlates faith based teaching with psychology.

[James · Rating 3 out of 5]

Opened my eyes - helpful

[Amy Davis]

Primarily for men, but great for wives too.

[Chuck Bonadies · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is a very hard hitting book on sexual sin. Some may say the author is bit more graphic than necessary. Certain parts of this book are very good.

[Mike · Rating 3 out of 5]

Seems mostly self explanatory with a few pieces of helpful information throughout the book.

[Brandon Bellinghausen · Rating 2 out of 5]

Equal parts good and goo.

[Daunavan Buyer · Rating 4 out of 5]

Helpful book for those struggling with sexual addictions.

[Rick · Rating 3 out of 5]

Seemed a bit clinical, yet worthwhile