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Instant Rapport
The national bestseller that shows how anyone can master the proven scientific techniques of neurolinguistic programming (NLP) and forge instant relationships, instant chemistry, instant intimacy at will--now with a special chapter on sexual rapport! Trains the reader to control others' perceptions, dissolve communication barriers, create more intimate relationships, negotiate more effectively, and more.
Hardcover
First published January 1, 1989
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441 people want to read
About the author
Michael Brooks
3 booksLibrarian Note: There is more than one author in the Goodreads database with this name.
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Displaying 1 - 21 of 21 reviews
August 9, 2008
I could swear I read Instant Rapport earlier than 1990, but memory can be a tricky thing and that's the year it was published, so I must be wrong. I will state unequivocally that this is the book that taught me how to sell. I have absorbed mirroring/matching to the level that I don't even think about it; my husband used to tell me that he could tell who I was talking to on the phone just hearing my side of the conversation, because I was unconsciously mirroring the other person to the point that he recognized them through me. This is a must-read for anyone in sales but would also be extremely helpful for those who feel awkward in social situations and need a little help learning how to "connect." I hesitate to give a book like this 5 stars as though it were on the level of To Kill a Mockingbird, which it of course is not, but it has helped me in my own life to make connections, build rapport and become a better salesperson. It is a 5 star in the self-help genre because unlike most of the others, it not only delivers what is promised but exceeds it.
January 2, 2021
Okay... I've avoided NLP for the longest time now. I feel the typical NLP enthusiast is a middle-aged, not particularly attractive, American worker, who's looking for that magical edge to get over everyone else. Although I didn't enjoy this particular book, I can see how this stuff can be valuable.
Instant Rapport is an NLP book which is supposed to give you techniques for establishing rapport (a harmonious, co-operative relationship) by understanding people's primary sense of understanding the world, use mirroring and hypnosis with anchoring.
The premise of the techniques is that we like people who are like ourselves. What people really want is to be understood, totally, and to make someone feel understood, we must learn to relate to people to fit their model of the world. To make them know we share their map of reality.
Everyone has a preferred sensory input that gets developed more than the others. Some are primarily visual, some auditory and some kinesthetic. (Some are olfactory and gustatory, but those are rare) - Their "primary representational system" is revealed through their word selection, and eye cues, breathing, musculature and voice.
People tend to tense their breathing, voice and muscles while accessing the visual system. According to Brooks, they are typically tight and thin. The auditory inclined on the other hand remains relaxed, and they tend to be relaxed in their physique. When we access our feelings, our breath deepens, slows down, and our voice deepens. Kinesthetically inclined people tend to have more toned bodies.
Eyes can suggest what representational system they're accessing.
UP&LEFT: Visual memory
UP&RIGHT: Visualizing something new
LEVEL&RIGHT: Combining new audio
LEVEL&LEFT: Remembering audio
DOWN&LEFT: Internal dialoge
DOWN&RIGHT: Accessing feeling
Brooks says that by knowing their preferred way of representing the world, we can establish rapport by using their language. For instance, to a visually-oriented person: "I can see your point." while to an auditory "I hear what you're saying."
I suppose that if you pay attention to whether they are visual/auditory/kinesthetic, you might have an ever so slightly better chance at guessing their occupation and do some light-hearted cold-reading. Brooks described the "characteristics" of each type of person. For instance, visuals seem to have a strong point of view, auditories have a hard time letting go of relationships because the voices keep ringing in her head. I feel like the author is gaming me, using cold-reading techniques in order to impress the reader... Let's be honest, can't we?
I mean sure, if I were to write a poem to an someone I know is heavily kinesthetic, I'm going to be more conscious of the type of imagery I'm using. It's a cool perspective and a truth hidden in plain sight. Nevertheless, this seems really trivial when meeting a stranger, and this is a silly priority. However, I think that this works on, but for the wrong reasons.
When people use NLP techniques, to mirror the other person, rephrase their words, and decipher their eye movements, they become much more attentive, they're more interested in what they say, maintain eye contact, and become less self-conscious.
I remember a study where participants in one group had to count how many times the other blinked. Those who were assigned to count blinks recalled the interaction as more intimate and romantic. I don't think most of NLP theory is right, but it works because people are more attentive to the other person as a result.
However, learning about these "techniques" presented by people who do "NLP" seems genuinely useful. I started noticing how everyone is naturally mirroring and rephrasing to create mutual understanding. A lot of this is instinctual. I noticed some can't help but smile when I repeat what they say. People love knowing they're heard. But having said that, the crazy effects promised in the book is exaggerated.
Brooks go deeper in the syncing of the model of world-view thing, by suggesting us to pay attention to the sequence of which representational system they use to describe events, and then repeat that sequence, "playing back strategies" as he calls it, in order to dial the lock so it opens. Seriously, has anyone ever done this?
Next, mirroring is discussed. Sync body language, gestures, voice, accent, certain words, actions etc... to create rapport faster. Brook says that "You can test rapport by taking the lead and see if they mimic you" - Mirroring is instinctual, in fact, we tend to become like the people we admire and spend time with. Merging of personality is natural.
In the later chapter, anchoring is discussed. A form of hypnosis to manipulate people, or yourself.
Anchoring is a sort of hypnosis, deliberately manipulating people. The idea is whenever someone is experiencing intense emotion, or after you’ve elicited one deliberately, perhaps through remembering some intense feeling of the past, you combine their experience with an anchor, which is a word, visual cue, sound, touch/kinesthetic feeling - and so you can evoke that emotion at other times to your advantage to trick the subconscious mind to associate an emotion with an event, a negative emotion to a bad habit, a loving emotion to yourself, etc…
He included a story where a friend of his was dating a girl who would sometimes reverie of her recently broken off ex-boyfriend. The friend would anchor her while thinking about the good ol’ days by squeezing her hand and saying “mmmmm.” Later on - he did it again in a supermarket and she told him how much he meant for her. Boom, she loves him now. He also included a story where he elicited a negative mood in a woman, install an anchor, and trigger the negative mood when she reached for a cigarette. And boom she ends up quitting smoking. What made the woman not associate Micheal, instead of the cigarette? There’s a million thing to associate with. I really think that the woman who got pleased by him squeezing her hand and saying “mmmm” in a supermarket is because that’s genuinely a funny thing to do. I really feel that the hypnotic stuff is based on a superficial understanding of the human mind. Also, seems creepy. Maybe I'm wrong.
Although the book is interesting, the delivery was awful to me. The author speaks in a patronizing manner, with a whole ton of fluff around the actual content, and seems to "game" the reader instead of playing on the same team.
The delivery was in the uncanny valley between cheesy dad humour and salesy religious preaching. This mode of delivery was especially off-putting when the topic at hand was hypnotism and manipulating people. "White magic" he describes it. Sheesh.
Considering the author is promising crazy results, with really technical, detailed techniques, I would appreciate a heavier dose of stories and testimonials in the book, instead of the occasional, (perhaps anchoring) words such as "Honestly" "It works." "Really. It honestly works." The stories supplied were not convincing in the least.
The last chapter was about sexual rapport, all I could think of was "what the fuck?"
"In sex, being on the same wavelength is everything. When you pace your lover's breathing, you literally create wavelengths after wavelengths of pleasure. Now, in physics, this is called quantum theory. But in bed, it's called sexual rapport."
Instant Rapport is an NLP book which is supposed to give you techniques for establishing rapport (a harmonious, co-operative relationship) by understanding people's primary sense of understanding the world, use mirroring and hypnosis with anchoring.
The premise of the techniques is that we like people who are like ourselves. What people really want is to be understood, totally, and to make someone feel understood, we must learn to relate to people to fit their model of the world. To make them know we share their map of reality.
Everyone has a preferred sensory input that gets developed more than the others. Some are primarily visual, some auditory and some kinesthetic. (Some are olfactory and gustatory, but those are rare) - Their "primary representational system" is revealed through their word selection, and eye cues, breathing, musculature and voice.
People tend to tense their breathing, voice and muscles while accessing the visual system. According to Brooks, they are typically tight and thin. The auditory inclined on the other hand remains relaxed, and they tend to be relaxed in their physique. When we access our feelings, our breath deepens, slows down, and our voice deepens. Kinesthetically inclined people tend to have more toned bodies.
Eyes can suggest what representational system they're accessing.
UP&LEFT: Visual memory
UP&RIGHT: Visualizing something new
LEVEL&RIGHT: Combining new audio
LEVEL&LEFT: Remembering audio
DOWN&LEFT: Internal dialoge
DOWN&RIGHT: Accessing feeling
Brooks says that by knowing their preferred way of representing the world, we can establish rapport by using their language. For instance, to a visually-oriented person: "I can see your point." while to an auditory "I hear what you're saying."
I suppose that if you pay attention to whether they are visual/auditory/kinesthetic, you might have an ever so slightly better chance at guessing their occupation and do some light-hearted cold-reading. Brooks described the "characteristics" of each type of person. For instance, visuals seem to have a strong point of view, auditories have a hard time letting go of relationships because the voices keep ringing in her head. I feel like the author is gaming me, using cold-reading techniques in order to impress the reader... Let's be honest, can't we?
I mean sure, if I were to write a poem to an someone I know is heavily kinesthetic, I'm going to be more conscious of the type of imagery I'm using. It's a cool perspective and a truth hidden in plain sight. Nevertheless, this seems really trivial when meeting a stranger, and this is a silly priority. However, I think that this works on, but for the wrong reasons.
When people use NLP techniques, to mirror the other person, rephrase their words, and decipher their eye movements, they become much more attentive, they're more interested in what they say, maintain eye contact, and become less self-conscious.
I remember a study where participants in one group had to count how many times the other blinked. Those who were assigned to count blinks recalled the interaction as more intimate and romantic. I don't think most of NLP theory is right, but it works because people are more attentive to the other person as a result.
However, learning about these "techniques" presented by people who do "NLP" seems genuinely useful. I started noticing how everyone is naturally mirroring and rephrasing to create mutual understanding. A lot of this is instinctual. I noticed some can't help but smile when I repeat what they say. People love knowing they're heard. But having said that, the crazy effects promised in the book is exaggerated.
Brooks go deeper in the syncing of the model of world-view thing, by suggesting us to pay attention to the sequence of which representational system they use to describe events, and then repeat that sequence, "playing back strategies" as he calls it, in order to dial the lock so it opens. Seriously, has anyone ever done this?
Next, mirroring is discussed. Sync body language, gestures, voice, accent, certain words, actions etc... to create rapport faster. Brook says that "You can test rapport by taking the lead and see if they mimic you" - Mirroring is instinctual, in fact, we tend to become like the people we admire and spend time with. Merging of personality is natural.
In the later chapter, anchoring is discussed. A form of hypnosis to manipulate people, or yourself.
Anchoring is a sort of hypnosis, deliberately manipulating people. The idea is whenever someone is experiencing intense emotion, or after you’ve elicited one deliberately, perhaps through remembering some intense feeling of the past, you combine their experience with an anchor, which is a word, visual cue, sound, touch/kinesthetic feeling - and so you can evoke that emotion at other times to your advantage to trick the subconscious mind to associate an emotion with an event, a negative emotion to a bad habit, a loving emotion to yourself, etc…
He included a story where a friend of his was dating a girl who would sometimes reverie of her recently broken off ex-boyfriend. The friend would anchor her while thinking about the good ol’ days by squeezing her hand and saying “mmmmm.” Later on - he did it again in a supermarket and she told him how much he meant for her. Boom, she loves him now. He also included a story where he elicited a negative mood in a woman, install an anchor, and trigger the negative mood when she reached for a cigarette. And boom she ends up quitting smoking. What made the woman not associate Micheal, instead of the cigarette? There’s a million thing to associate with. I really think that the woman who got pleased by him squeezing her hand and saying “mmmm” in a supermarket is because that’s genuinely a funny thing to do. I really feel that the hypnotic stuff is based on a superficial understanding of the human mind. Also, seems creepy. Maybe I'm wrong.
Although the book is interesting, the delivery was awful to me. The author speaks in a patronizing manner, with a whole ton of fluff around the actual content, and seems to "game" the reader instead of playing on the same team.
The delivery was in the uncanny valley between cheesy dad humour and salesy religious preaching. This mode of delivery was especially off-putting when the topic at hand was hypnotism and manipulating people. "White magic" he describes it. Sheesh.
Considering the author is promising crazy results, with really technical, detailed techniques, I would appreciate a heavier dose of stories and testimonials in the book, instead of the occasional, (perhaps anchoring) words such as "Honestly" "It works." "Really. It honestly works." The stories supplied were not convincing in the least.
The last chapter was about sexual rapport, all I could think of was "what the fuck?"
"In sex, being on the same wavelength is everything. When you pace your lover's breathing, you literally create wavelengths after wavelengths of pleasure. Now, in physics, this is called quantum theory. But in bed, it's called sexual rapport."
September 26, 2019
I really enjoyed this read, as well as experimenting with the techniques it suggests to see the outcomes. Some of the examples given seemed like they were rehearsed or to good to be true, so I gave a few of the techniques a shot with some friends/family of unsuspecting "victims". To my pleasant surprise, I did get the results the book said I would. I only hope to get better at using these techniques with time. One example was with the eye gestures; when I asked my "victims" certain questions and paid attention to their eye movements, it does correlate with what the book dictates. I will most definitely be referring back to this book to brush up my skills using NLP techniques for building better relationships.
March 1, 2017
I was asked to read this before a talk about NLP. This definitely gave me some knowledge about NLP that helped me to understand the speaker better.
I have started really taking notice of the interactions I have with other people since reading the book.
I have started really taking notice of the interactions I have with other people since reading the book.
March 18, 2021
One of the best books that has the content sing to my mind and heart.
A good book is not with the stars that it got in Goodreads however, how it illustrated and speak to me.
Cheers to Michael Brooks for the good write-up.
A good book is not with the stars that it got in Goodreads however, how it illustrated and speak to me.
Cheers to Michael Brooks for the good write-up.
November 17, 2019
strategy unpacking tough
November 17, 2020
Underwhelmed.
August 29, 2018
This is my second read through for this book.
This is an excellent book on NLP ( Neuro-linguistic programming ), that is a good explanation on how we access our world through our three main representational styles. Instant Rapport also gives you some solid techniques on how to build and foster relationships from every aspect.
Unfortunately, I don't do all the techniques Michael Brooks outlined, but with consistent practice, this will have an impact on how you gain rapport with a person.
This is an excellent book on NLP ( Neuro-linguistic programming ), that is a good explanation on how we access our world through our three main representational styles. Instant Rapport also gives you some solid techniques on how to build and foster relationships from every aspect.
Unfortunately, I don't do all the techniques Michael Brooks outlined, but with consistent practice, this will have an impact on how you gain rapport with a person.
December 31, 2011
READ DEC 2011
Interesting take on how to build and maintain rapport. The central message of the author is that people like people who are like themselves. Best description "Being in rapport is the ability to enter someone else's model of the world and let them know that we truly understand their model...and...it's letting someone come into our frame of the world and having an experience of them truly understanding us" (p. 21).
Interesting take on how to build and maintain rapport. The central message of the author is that people like people who are like themselves. Best description "Being in rapport is the ability to enter someone else's model of the world and let them know that we truly understand their model...and...it's letting someone come into our frame of the world and having an experience of them truly understanding us" (p. 21).
December 16, 2018
You will not learn everything you need to know from reading it once. Or from reading it twice. Maybe even three times. There is a lot of good information in there and while I do not agree with some of it, for example where you look when you are remembering certain things (mine are completely different from what is taught), I think most of the information is pretty solid. Probably one of the better NLP books for the lay person out there.
October 22, 2015
read about the materials some time back but nevertheless a good reminder of our representational system:
(1) visual, auditory or kinesthetic type
(2) how to combine #1 with mirroring/leading
(3) strategy to unpack the representation system and to replay it successfully
(4) anchoring (intensity of state + placement)
(1) visual, auditory or kinesthetic type
(2) how to combine #1 with mirroring/leading
(3) strategy to unpack the representation system and to replay it successfully
(4) anchoring (intensity of state + placement)
April 10, 2007
I didn't know what to expect when this book was recommended to me. I was pleasantly suprised the knowledge gained from this book is actually very useful in my career. Even in a relationship for that matter. You have to read to find out what I am talking about!
May 5, 2008
Instant Rapport allows you to forge an immediate bond with anyone, anywhere. Using the Neurolinguistic Therapy of distinguishing between auditory, visual and kinesthetic the author helps you to identify and respond more effectively to people you come in contact with.
June 19, 2013
I liked the stuff on mirroring, anchors, and eye movements, but honestly I think all of the skills are overrate. They help and are interesting but this book won't make you into a communication Don Juan overnight.
October 9, 2013
I received this book as part of a course I was taking but did not find time to read it during the course. A good book on NLP, mirroring, and many other techniques to build rapport. Worthwhile read but not one of my favorites.
January 16, 2008
Match and mirror.
April 2, 2010
Good basic info about building rapport with people using NLP - very technique driven rather than deep inner work/character driven- which has a lot of limitations.
December 27, 2011
This book has helped me, and made me see things clearly that I never thought about. Rapport is very important in any relationship, because it holds the relationship together! love it
April 21, 2012
Excellent. Everyone should read this and practice it every day.
December 27, 2012
The best over-all coverage of NLP I've read.
Displaying 1 - 21 of 21 reviews