Playing It by Heart: Taking Care of Yourself No Matter What

by Melody Beattie

Readers will learn what drives them into controlling behavior and victimhood--and what it takes to pull themselves out, to return to the healing, faith, and maturity that come with recovery.

Since the publication of Melody Beattie's groundbreaking book Codependent No More , millions of people have confronted the demons of codependency. And yet, many in recovery find themselves slipping back into the old ways that brought them such grief.

In her book Playing It by Heart , Beattie helps readers understand what drives them back into the grasp of controlling behavior and victimhood--and what it takes to pull themselves out, to return to the healing, faith, and maturity that come with a commitment to recovery. Personal essays, inspiring anecdotes, and prescriptive reminders show readers how to stop acting out their painful obsessions. Marked by compassion and keen insight, Playing It by Heart explores the author's most intense personal lessons and shows readers that, despite setbacks, recovery is a lifelong opportunity for spiritual growth.

Genres: Self Help, Nonfiction, Addiction, Memoir, Psychology

276 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 1999

About the author

Melody Beattie was an American self-help author best known for her groundbreaking work on codependency. Born in 1948 in Minnesota, she endured a traumatic childhood marked by abuse and early substance addiction. After achieving sobriety, she became a licensed addiction counselor and began writing to help others navigate emotional recovery. Her 1986 book Codependent No More became a bestseller, selling eight million copies and helping to bring the concept of codependency into mainstream awareness. Over her career, she authored 18 books, including Beyond Codependency, The Language of Letting Go, and Make Miracles in Forty Days. Though her work is often associated with Co-Dependents Anonymous, her books were independent of the program.
Beattie’s personal life reflected many of the struggles she addressed in her work, including four marriages and the loss of a son. Her writing often drew from her own experiences with grief, addiction, and healing. In early 2025, she was forced to evacuate her Malibu home due to wildfires and died shortly after at her daughter’s home in Los Angeles from heart failure.

Reviews

[Amy · Rating 5 out of 5]

Reading this book was like looking into a mirror. I never had the alcohol or drug addiction problems that the author described, but I learned a lot about my behaviors from her experiences. A great read for anyone who has questions about codependency, addiction, 12 step programs, spirituality, loss, fate, etc. This one will take me a while to completely process. I rarely read a book more than once, but I'm sure I will read this one several times.

[Heather · Rating 5 out of 5]

Melody Beattie is absolutely amazing. I have to throw out ALL preconceived notions of "self-help" books. "Playing It by Heart" is the most powerful auto-biography & inspirational book I have ever read. I think every human being should be able to relate, in at least some small way, to her story and walk away with more hope, courage, and faith in being human.

[KD · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is by far my favorite book! Thank you Melody Beattie for being so transparent and open. You've taught me so very much and have changed my life with your work. Blessings to you!

Kelitia Crowder

[C2015 · Rating 4 out of 5]

Some of this was outstanding, stop me in my tracks. Some towards the end I found choppy but maybe my attention was choppy. I learned so much about codependency. I was astounded at what a major drug addict she was!!! Talk about destroying my mental image of her but I guess she had to come from somewhere to have any validity. Two things I got out of this: considering how horribly she treated her body, I'm doing super fine and I don't need to worry about those chips or other bad food I've had! And secondly, as messed up and addicted as she was, if she's healthy and happy and in a good relationship, so can I! Some annoying typos in my edition.

[Eleanor Cowan · Rating 5 out of 5]

Staying On Track

Extremely helpful follow up to "Codependant No More".
Even though I am a secular humanist now, I still love Melody Beattie whose insistence upon self-love, self-respect and physical comfort guided and helped me so much in my most difficult hours.

Eleanor Cowan, author of : A History of a Pedophile's Wife: Memoir of a Canadian Teacher and Writer

[Kathy · Rating 4 out of 5]

Melody Beattie has written many self-help books, but she has been through some horrific experiences in her life, and this memoir makes it so clear that we all make our own choices. Contrast her story with the main character, played by Charlize Theron, in the movie "Monster." Melody is a great storyteller, but she is also a great thinker, who brings out life lessons for all of us in her own stories and the stories of others.

[Elizabeth Ruth · Rating 5 out of 5]

Love all her books, but this one was special because she tells her own life story in an incredibly intimate, brave, and reflective way.

I want to go back and read everything else, as I feel like I can't roll my eyes at a lot of the things I initially did-- she's the real deal. Experience, strength, and hope.

[Fran · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book is really interesting. I could not put it down. Melodie Beattie talks about her life as a drug addict and as the spouse of an alcoholic (many years later). Great advice for codependents although toward the end it does get a bit preachy and slow.

[Gina · Rating 5 out of 5]

Exactly what I needed

This book spoke to me and taught me about the kind of person I want to become. I'm amazed at how Melody came out on top despite all the things she went through. Great read!

[Ginny · Rating 3 out of 5]

kept my interest

[Kathy Alarie · Rating 1 out of 5]

Book was not at all what I expected. Didn't finish reading it. What I had read was major detail on how to inject yourself and use drugs. That's not Taking care of yourself in my opinion.

[Eileen Binning · Rating 4 out of 5]

A page turner...

[Suzie Reno · Rating 5 out of 5]

Amazing! Melody's story is jaw dropping and inspiring! Loved every page!

[Viviana Cordero · Rating 5 out of 5]

Simply the best. Amazing.

[Hannah Cole · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved this book of Melody Beattie. It hit home for me, some of her stories about her using days were my stories! It really made me understand that there is ALWAYS hope. Always.

[Rachel · Rating 2 out of 5]

I wasn't certain if I wanted to finish reading this. The beginning made me uncomfortable, and it was difficult reading the very long "Jump" section describing in detail her experience with alcohol, tobacco, and especially all the drugs to which she became addicted to. I wasn't certain if all the detail was really necessary, but it did help me see the desperation and terrible hold drugs can have on an individual causing them to do almost anything to experience another high.

Beattie also faced the challenge of having to give up her first son (due to her addictions), marriage to an alcoholic, 2 failed marriages and her son's tragic accident and death. The author mentions how God and 12 Step healing helped her recover. She also researched Eastern religions.

There are helpful tidbits in the book, like the paragraph on p. 164:
"If you have resentment, pray for the person you resent....Resentments will eat you up inside. Resentments will kill you, send you back to drinking, keep you in a state of spiritual and emotional discontent, fragmentation, and darkness. Resentments are bad...for your health--your spiritual, emotional, mental, and physical health. Don't resent. Love people. Think good thoughts about people, especially those whom you resent."

I also liked how she used gratefulness to change her attitude and help her overall health. She started thanking God for everything about which she had previously complained.

[Darlene · Rating 3 out of 5]

Whew. I read the first 2/3rd's until she got clean. I knew of MB way back when I was doing codependency and inner child work and knew that many of the authors, speakers and leaders had been serious addicts with horrendous stories. Well, this book lays it all out in horrifying detail. What happens when early severe abuse damages a child who was born into a family that was also abused and incapable of being good parents because therapy wasnt available or very sophisticated or knowledgeable about trauma and the aftermath of it. Amazing she survived and eventually was able to get clean and help others and write such a gritty story. And I think *I* have issues. If it took God/a Higher Power to turn her around then so be it. Admitting powerless is vital for addicts. Like John Lennon sang..."whatever gets you thru the night" (when it ain't drugs and alcohol anymore). I work with people damaged by abuse and substances and mental illness so I have much more compassion but admit it isn't MY job to turn people around as only they can do that. But I can be a long for the journey if they'll allow it. And that is a hard job for us both.

[Cindy Landes · Rating 3 out of 5]

Je ne suis pas fan des livres de croissance personnelle. Mais ici, ça se lit plutôt comme une autobiographie. La vie de cette autrice a été carrément tragique. Une enfance merdique (elle n’était pas désirée par ses parents), des agressions sexuelles, addiction à l’alcool et aux drogues fortes… et j’en passe… elle vivra même le pire événement qu’un parent peut vivre lorsqu’elle sera adulte. Bref, une vie de merde!

Et pourtant, à travers son histoire, elle nous transmet les apprentissages spirituels qu’elle a faite et qui l’ont sauvée.

Plutôt inspirant, mais aussi bien déprimant à lire je dois vous le dire.

[Pam Reeves · Rating 3 out of 5]

Surprising

I’d read Melody Beattie’s Codependent No More and was forever helped. But I had somewhat of a hard time following her in this book. I can’t say if it was writing style or my usual attention problems. It was interesting and her life story surprising. The level of dysfunction and abuse she endured makes her recovery and success nothing short of a miracle, IMO anyway. I do recommend it.

[Kat Romero · Rating 2 out of 5]

Seems like other people loved this book, but I struggled to get through it. It seemed like her publishers wanted another book, and she quickly wrote down some very disjointed stories from her (very interesting) life and tried to shoehorn in a "lesson" for each one. Her honesty is very brave, and I will try other books by her.

[Kate Hyde · Rating 1 out of 5]

DNF at 24%. This book should come with A LOT of trigger warnings. For my mental health, I cannot continue reading this.

[Cindy Nichols · Rating 2 out of 5]

The beginning I could not relate to at all. The ending had some good advice. Not what I was expecting when I picked it up.

[Cyndi · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book was not at all what I expected but fascinating anyway.