I'm just annoyed. I usually would finish a book if I made it this far, 78%, but I'm just done. DONE.
First, Maynard starts off on the wrong foot by deciding to write a book with no quotation marks. Why is this so popular?!?!?! Is it "artistic?" Is it "deep?" Or what? Listen, quotation marks were invented for a reason. The reason being that it's difficult to read a book where you can't separate the dialogue from anything else.
THEN.
It's always surprising and a bit awkward when I find I've walked into someone else's masturbatory fantasy. (Unless a book is labeled as "romance" or "erotica"). So I didn't really know what to say to Maynard when I found myself smack dab in the middle of her sexual fantasy. "I'm sorry, I didn't realize....," I said awkwardly, quickly glancing away from her. "Do you want me to leave?"
What are you talking about?
What am I talking about? What am I talking about!?!?!?! I'm talking about finding a bleeding convict and taking him home with you. Of course he's very handsome, and the perfect gentleman, and a war veteran. And he can cook like a champ. And play baseball. Baseball and pie! America!
Anyway.
He's all like, (okay, imagine a sexy deep voice here)
I need to ask you to take me up to your bedroom, Adele, he said. I'm guessing a woman like you would have a few scarves. Silk is good. Rope or twine can cut into the skin.
Then they describe him tying her up for like a page and a half. He ties her up with silk scarves very carefully and lovingly. And sexually. He gives her a foot massage before tying her feet up. Uh-huh. I'm sure. Meanwhile she is like completely passive and also asking him to fuck her with her eyes.
And then, of course, he has to feed her, right? Because she's tied up. And they describe him sensually and sexily feeding her for two pages.
The son is watching all this and he's no idiot. He knows they'll be having sex within 24 hours or less.
But it's okay! Because the convict is so polite, and strong, and manly, and fatherly. He helps the boy play baseball! He fixes the house! He fixes the car! He replaces light bulbs! He, um, ...makes sure that the mother isn't lonely in bed! Multiple orgasms! Perfect guy. What a great guy. WHO'S A CONVICT!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Well, maybe what he did to get in prison wasn't so bad. I mean, it's not like he murdered his wife or anything, right? Right?
*crickets chirp*
Oh, hell no! No, no, no! You mean she's holed up in a house with a man who killed his wife!?!?!!?!?!??
He claims it was an accident.
BULLSHIT!
But they really love each other. Even though they've only known each other 5 days. I mean, he's great in bed! Doesn't that count for a lot?
So the kid meets an anorexic girl and she tells him that sex is a drug that brainwashes people. She encourages him to call the cops on the convict and get the 10K reward. Even though it would be betraying his mom, who is happy for the first time in 13 years.
You know he's going to do it. There's NO question on whether he'll do it or not, because he is very, very, very horny and this is the only female who's paid attention to him in HIS ENTIRE LIFE. He'll do anything the little girly asks him to do.
And you, the reader, are like "Noooooo! Why?!!? Why are you going to shit all over your mother's happiness and Frank's happiness?!?! They are so happy and in love after only 5 days they are soulmates and stuff!"
And then you're like: "Wait. This guy killed his wife."
Also, you know the kid's an asshole. He's always been an asshole. You know he'd rat out his mother and destroy her because he's just like that. Okay? He's just like that. A female takes an interest in him, and suddenly his family loyalty is shot all to hell.
Also, I REALLY don't appreciate being made to suffer through the explicit sexual fantasies of 13-year-old boys. Once was bad enough, but four or five times?!!?!? It was just getting disgusting. I just wanted it to stop.
P.S. The writing (as in prose, not plot) is very good. Excellent writing.
UPDATE: I finished the book. I FINISHED IT. And at the end it turns out that the asshole kid didn't turn the convict in, the little anorexic did.
Also, the little anorexic lectures him about how sex is a drug but uses sex to try and drug (manipulate) him. Interesting.
UPDATE 2: I watched the movie. Slightly, slightly better than the book, as Winslet doesn't just roll over and let Brolin become Boyfriend, she actually does stuff like tells him anyone could come by at any time (lie) and that he'd better not hurt her son, etc. Very, very slightly better. But still bad.