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Mrs. Lincoln and Mrs. Keckly: The Remarkable Story of the Friendship Between a First Lady and a Former Slave
A vibrant social history set against the backdrop of the Antebellum south and the Civil War that recreates the lives and friendship of two exceptional women: First Lady Mary Todd Lincoln and her mulatto dressmaker, Elizabeth Keckly.
I consider you my best living friend, Mary Lincoln wrote to Elizabeth Keckly in 1867, and indeed theirs was a close if tumultuous, relationship. Born into slavery, mulatto Elizabeth Keckly was Mary Lincoln's dressmaker, confidante, and mainstay during the difficult years that the Lincolns occupied the White House and the early years of Mary's widowhood. But she was a fascinating woman in her own right, independent and already well-established as the dressmaker to the Washington elite when she was first hired by Mary Lincoln upon her arrival in the nation's capital. Lizzy had bought her freedom in 1855 and come to Washington determined to make a life for herself as a free black, and she soon had Washington correspondents reporting that "stately carriages stand before her door, whose haughty owners sit before Lizzy docile as lambs while she tells them what to wear." Mary Lincoln had hired Lizzy in part because she was considered a "high society" seamstress and Mary, an outsider in Washington's social circles, was desperate for social cachet. With her husband struggling to keep the nation together, Mary turned increasingly to her seamstress for companionship, support, and advice--and over the course of those trying years, Lizzy Keckly became her confidante and closest friend.
With "Mrs. Lincoln and Mrs. Keckly," pioneering historian Jennifer Fleischner allows us to glimpse the intimate dynamics of this unusual friendship for the first time, and traces the pivotal events that enabled these two women--one born to be a mistress, the other to be a slave--to forge such an unlikely bond at a time when relations between blacks and whites were tearing the nation apart. Beginning with their respective childhoods in the slaveholding states of Virginia and Kentucky, their story takes us through the years of tragic Civil War, the assassination of Abraham Lincoln, and the early Reconstruction period. An author in her own right, Keckly wrote one of the most detailed biographies of Mary Lincoln ever published, and though it led to a bitter feud between the friends, it is one of the many rich resources that have enhanced Fleischner's trove of original findings.
A remarkable, riveting work of scholarship that reveals the legacy of slavery and sheds new light on the Lincoln White House, Mrs. Lincoln and Mrs. Keckly brings to life a mesmerizing, intimate aspect of Civil War history, and underscores the inseparability of black and white in our nation's heritage.
I consider you my best living friend, Mary Lincoln wrote to Elizabeth Keckly in 1867, and indeed theirs was a close if tumultuous, relationship. Born into slavery, mulatto Elizabeth Keckly was Mary Lincoln's dressmaker, confidante, and mainstay during the difficult years that the Lincolns occupied the White House and the early years of Mary's widowhood. But she was a fascinating woman in her own right, independent and already well-established as the dressmaker to the Washington elite when she was first hired by Mary Lincoln upon her arrival in the nation's capital. Lizzy had bought her freedom in 1855 and come to Washington determined to make a life for herself as a free black, and she soon had Washington correspondents reporting that "stately carriages stand before her door, whose haughty owners sit before Lizzy docile as lambs while she tells them what to wear." Mary Lincoln had hired Lizzy in part because she was considered a "high society" seamstress and Mary, an outsider in Washington's social circles, was desperate for social cachet. With her husband struggling to keep the nation together, Mary turned increasingly to her seamstress for companionship, support, and advice--and over the course of those trying years, Lizzy Keckly became her confidante and closest friend.
With "Mrs. Lincoln and Mrs. Keckly," pioneering historian Jennifer Fleischner allows us to glimpse the intimate dynamics of this unusual friendship for the first time, and traces the pivotal events that enabled these two women--one born to be a mistress, the other to be a slave--to forge such an unlikely bond at a time when relations between blacks and whites were tearing the nation apart. Beginning with their respective childhoods in the slaveholding states of Virginia and Kentucky, their story takes us through the years of tragic Civil War, the assassination of Abraham Lincoln, and the early Reconstruction period. An author in her own right, Keckly wrote one of the most detailed biographies of Mary Lincoln ever published, and though it led to a bitter feud between the friends, it is one of the many rich resources that have enhanced Fleischner's trove of original findings.
A remarkable, riveting work of scholarship that reveals the legacy of slavery and sheds new light on the Lincoln White House, Mrs. Lincoln and Mrs. Keckly brings to life a mesmerizing, intimate aspect of Civil War history, and underscores the inseparability of black and white in our nation's heritage.
384 pages, Hardcover
First published April 8, 2003
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 111 reviews
August 13, 2010
I'm giving this 3 stars, but it just barely makes it.
Unfortunately, the sub-title of the book is very misleading. Mrs. Lincoln and Mrs. Keckly don't even meet until page 200, on the eve of Lincoln's first inauguration. Also unfortunately, much of the remaining 125 pages involves Civil War politics. I did want to know more about the friendship of these women, but perhaps the intricacies of that friendship cannot truly be known and this was, after all, non-fiction.
Mary Lincoln was vain, arrogant and selfish. I did not like her very much and neither was she very well liked in her lifetime. Lizzy Keckly, on the other hand, was a remarkable woman. While still a slave, she was respected and trusted in the white community - so much so that white husbands could (and did) give her money to buy the yard goods and trimmings for sewing their wives' dresses, knowing that Lizzy would find a bargain and bring back all the change. She was smart and she was literate. She observed how free blacks owned property and ran businesses and she developed a plan for her own future. She negotiated the price for purchasing her freedom.
Unfortunately, the sub-title of the book is very misleading. Mrs. Lincoln and Mrs. Keckly don't even meet until page 200, on the eve of Lincoln's first inauguration. Also unfortunately, much of the remaining 125 pages involves Civil War politics. I did want to know more about the friendship of these women, but perhaps the intricacies of that friendship cannot truly be known and this was, after all, non-fiction.
Mary Lincoln was vain, arrogant and selfish. I did not like her very much and neither was she very well liked in her lifetime. Lizzy Keckly, on the other hand, was a remarkable woman. While still a slave, she was respected and trusted in the white community - so much so that white husbands could (and did) give her money to buy the yard goods and trimmings for sewing their wives' dresses, knowing that Lizzy would find a bargain and bring back all the change. She was smart and she was literate. She observed how free blacks owned property and ran businesses and she developed a plan for her own future. She negotiated the price for purchasing her freedom.
The self-reliance she always said she learned from slavery and for which she claimed to be grateful was perhaps little more than the powerful instinct to let nothing interfere with her survival. If she was the only person in the world at that moment thinking of Elizabeth Keckly's future, it was enough: as a slave, she had felt isolated, futureless, unbidden by hope.
January 12, 2013
This double biography studies the parallel lives of Mary Lincoln and the freed slave woman her became her seamstress when Mary became the First Lady, or Mrs. President as the title was at that time. As other reviewers noted, the friendship between these women was brief, lasting only a few years after the President's murder. However, the book discusses not only their childhoods, but gives the history of their families.
I have read several biographies of Mary Lincoln as well as more than a few books on her husband. I did not find any new information in this biography. The story of Lizzy Keckly was as a bi-racial slave woman informative and interesting. I knew of her role in Mary's life, but this more extensive study is helpful. I especially enjoyed the short discussion of Victorian fashion and the technique and role of the seamstress. There were other side light in the book that offered a few of Victorian life and the slave culture that were enlighening.
My problem with the book is that the author seems to respect Keckly enormously, but not so Mrs. Lincoln. She draws conlusion that appear to be founded on opinion, hers and letter writers of Mary's day (or Herndon). She suggests as other writers have that Mary's erratic behavior may have been influenced by "undiagnosed diabetes", but she neveer explains how this could have affected Mary. She seems to have little patience with Mary's deep grief after the death of Willie. She compares Mary's collapse at his death with Lizzy's stoicism at the news of her son's death in the War. Perhaps I'm too defensive of Mary Lincoln, but I found myself twisting as I read, wanting to argue for , defend Mary. I wanted to suggest that laudanum, the going treatment for any woman's complaint which doctor's gave readily, might be the cause too.
The author believes that Lincoln never loved Mary, but married her out of sympathy or guilt for breaking with her two years prior to the marriage. Perhaps there is truth to this conclusion, but history can only surmise at this point. How are we to judge the depths or condition of another's love? How are we to determine in the 21st century what was felt between these two people in the 19th? The truth is indeterminate but provides much room for discussion. Mary Lincoln stands in comparison to her remarkable husband. Few women at that time could have stood equally with him.
In constrast, the story of Lizzy Keckly is powerful. She was an amazing woman who was born a slave, the unrecognized daughter of her master. She lived within her own biological family, serving them as a slave. She eventually was able to buy her own freedom and became a successful business woman, and a friend and confidant of Mary Lincoln. But after the assassination, she too took advantage of Mary and wrote a book about her years with Mary Lincoln that Mary saw as a betrayel, one of many in her life.
I have read several biographies of Mary Lincoln as well as more than a few books on her husband. I did not find any new information in this biography. The story of Lizzy Keckly was as a bi-racial slave woman informative and interesting. I knew of her role in Mary's life, but this more extensive study is helpful. I especially enjoyed the short discussion of Victorian fashion and the technique and role of the seamstress. There were other side light in the book that offered a few of Victorian life and the slave culture that were enlighening.
My problem with the book is that the author seems to respect Keckly enormously, but not so Mrs. Lincoln. She draws conlusion that appear to be founded on opinion, hers and letter writers of Mary's day (or Herndon). She suggests as other writers have that Mary's erratic behavior may have been influenced by "undiagnosed diabetes", but she neveer explains how this could have affected Mary. She seems to have little patience with Mary's deep grief after the death of Willie. She compares Mary's collapse at his death with Lizzy's stoicism at the news of her son's death in the War. Perhaps I'm too defensive of Mary Lincoln, but I found myself twisting as I read, wanting to argue for , defend Mary. I wanted to suggest that laudanum, the going treatment for any woman's complaint which doctor's gave readily, might be the cause too.
The author believes that Lincoln never loved Mary, but married her out of sympathy or guilt for breaking with her two years prior to the marriage. Perhaps there is truth to this conclusion, but history can only surmise at this point. How are we to judge the depths or condition of another's love? How are we to determine in the 21st century what was felt between these two people in the 19th? The truth is indeterminate but provides much room for discussion. Mary Lincoln stands in comparison to her remarkable husband. Few women at that time could have stood equally with him.
In constrast, the story of Lizzy Keckly is powerful. She was an amazing woman who was born a slave, the unrecognized daughter of her master. She lived within her own biological family, serving them as a slave. She eventually was able to buy her own freedom and became a successful business woman, and a friend and confidant of Mary Lincoln. But after the assassination, she too took advantage of Mary and wrote a book about her years with Mary Lincoln that Mary saw as a betrayel, one of many in her life.
January 19, 2011
I don't know if I just wasn't in the mood to read this, or if it got bogged down in the details and I got bored with it. I was so looking forward to reading this and it disapointed me.
August 11, 2012
This is one of the best historical novels I've ever read. Facts and details are supported by research and other period writings. You get the whole picture or one that's pretty close to it about Mary and her miserable childhood, a lot of what showed itself in her adult behavior. I read about people from Springfield whose names are well known here. And Lizzy - this book follows her from her humble beginnings to a triumph of freedom which she bought for herself. She helped Mary during her white house days as well as the misery she endured after Lincoln's assassination. Mary had no one other than her sister Elizabeth to call on for help. Gratitude to the president for the emancipation of slaves chartered Lizzy to a life that was full and industrious. This was a great tribute to the characters within the book.
May 5, 2014
I cannot wait to discuss this with my discussion group this week! An interesting read and very discussable.
Cons: Way too much historical detail (and I love history); the book is about 325 pages long -- only the last 100 pages actually deal with the friendship between these two women and finally, not real thrilled with all of the assumptions that the author makes . . . such and such might have done this or the family might have done that. Based on all of the research the author did, she should have been able to make some judgments or come to some conclusions.
Still, fascinating to read about a friendship that really should not have been based on the times and the history and background surrounding these two people.
Cons: Way too much historical detail (and I love history); the book is about 325 pages long -- only the last 100 pages actually deal with the friendship between these two women and finally, not real thrilled with all of the assumptions that the author makes . . . such and such might have done this or the family might have done that. Based on all of the research the author did, she should have been able to make some judgments or come to some conclusions.
Still, fascinating to read about a friendship that really should not have been based on the times and the history and background surrounding these two people.
February 19, 2009
I can't believe I FINALLY got through this book! I put it down twice, deciding not to read it b/c the author was horrible. She's a historian and she was dry. But when she finally got around to telling the story she was writing about, it got very interesting (the last 75 pages).
March 30, 2012
Needed an editor.
September 28, 2015
Fascinating.
June 2, 2024
One of the best history books I've read this year so far.
December 11, 2024
First, this book took me 2.5 years to read… not because it was exceptionally long or difficult, but it just couldn’t hold my attention.
The author did write in detail about many aspects of both ladies lives, and while I did learn much about both Mary Todd Lincoln and Elizabeth Keckley that I never knew before for some reason I just didn’t gravitate towards the book. It was not easy to finish, and I simply did so out of principle 😅
I do think it should also be mentioned that Mrs. Lincoln was a known spiritist, and various encounters and spiritualistic meetings were explained in detail by the author, which I personally found very creepy and skipped over them.
The author did write in detail about many aspects of both ladies lives, and while I did learn much about both Mary Todd Lincoln and Elizabeth Keckley that I never knew before for some reason I just didn’t gravitate towards the book. It was not easy to finish, and I simply did so out of principle 😅
I do think it should also be mentioned that Mrs. Lincoln was a known spiritist, and various encounters and spiritualistic meetings were explained in detail by the author, which I personally found very creepy and skipped over them.
May 20, 2020
I did enjoy learning more historical facts about both Elizabeth Keckley and Mary Todd Lincoln. I wish that the author had wrapped up the novel as nicely as she had written the book. I feel that her impressions, take aways, summary of the two strong historical figures would have been a better tribute than the lackluster ending thaf actually seemed to add doubt in the person of Keckley rather than applauding her amazing Christian life.
March 12, 2019
A fantastic book that brings to life these two intriguing women. I have long wanted to have a better understanding of Mary Lincoln and her relationship with Abraham Lincoln, and I now feel that I do.
Now I'm going to read Elizabeth Keckly's memoir.
Now I'm going to read Elizabeth Keckly's memoir.
December 8, 2019
I bought this book upon visiting the Mary Todd Lincoln childhood home in Lexington, KY, along with my aunt and mother. I've also visited the Farmington home of Joshua Speed, Abraham Lincoln's friend, and read some of their correspondence there.
I love stories of unusual friendships, and this story of a president's wife's friendship with a former slave sounded promising. When criticisms of Mary Lincoln broke down her other friendships, she drew closer to her dress-maker, Mrs. Lizzy Keckly, an astute business woman in her own right, and at that point, a freed woman. It was funny to read about Mrs. Keckly coming into the White House during tense war-room counsels for dress-fittings.
I also bought the book because I'd heard stories of Mary Todd Lincoln being highly critical of Abe Lincoln (and everyone else), shrewish, and even insane. Someone had said that this book countered some of those claims and presented her in a more favorable light. So, I wanted to read something to balance what I'd heard.
This was not a historical fiction novel or a fictionalized history, nor does it read like one. In the back, there are thirty-four pages of references, notes taken from public documents and private correspondence, and when a certain aspect was unknown, the author, Jennifer Fleischner said so rather than making something up. She did sometimes list possibilities, as she did when talking about Mrs. Keckly's relationship with her son's father, but no surviving record remained as to her true feelings about him.
Still, there were many interesting, worthwhile, or troubling anecdotes, and we can't help but feel for Lizzy Keckly during her slavery. The story that stood out in my mind the most was about when she, at age 5, was put in charge of the white family's baby. She rocked him so hard that he fell out of the crib, and she tried to scoop him back up with a shovel to return him to the crib. That was when she was caught - and whipped. It's hard for most of today's readers imagining someone so young being in charge of an infant, much less facing violence for not knowing what to do in that situation.
None of the people in this book seemed very likable. They tended to be highly critical of one another in their correspondence, mostly for laughs. While I enjoyed some of the snippets of the correspondence (I do love a good correspondence story, too), some of it read appallingly like the gossip of those glamour tabloids or the equivalent of those times - not really something I was interested in.
If I had to pick a character that I liked, it would've been the bit character, Elizabeth Blair Lee, whose kindness and verbal reassurances enabled her to keep friendships on both sides of the north-south divide. "She had managed to remain friends with Varina Davis. And she did so in spite of Mrs. Davis's pronouncement that she was no longer associating with Republicans [the party against slavery.]" I liked that line because I love the few brave souls who are able to maintain friendships across the political aisle today. Elizabeth Lee was good to Mary Lincoln after Abraham's death, as well, even if she could not stay as long as Mary wanted.
Mrs. Keckly, the former slave, also had to face a culture shift in coming north. "She could also recall the shock of coming north, where people might mean well but were not by nature 'warm and impulsive. For one kind word spoken, two harsh ones were uttered.'"
I also loved Mr. Lincoln's response to the criticism of the Lincolns hosting one of Mary's sisters, grieving the loss of a Confederate soldier, her husband. Lincoln didn't bother trying to apologize for the man's politics or military choices, but simply said, "Excuse me, General Sickles, my wife and I are in the habit of choosing our own guests." That sounds like the same Lincoln who wrote, "With malice toward none; with charity for all."
I didn't think that this book really improved the public image of Mary Lincoln's character very much. Yes, we pitied her the various bereavements and the hardships of her youth, such as losing her mother. But we still found her to be vindictive, judgmental, controlling, critical, and manipulative. Well acquainted with "retail-therapy," as it's known today, Mrs. Lincoln was also drastically over-budget on her spending. Plus, it wasn't really retail-oriented, but the top of the top in costly fashion. Mary was deceptive and unethical in hiding it, as she was unethical in some of her political dealings on Lincoln's behalf. "He is too honest to take the proper care of his interests." And yes, she probably was insane as well. I did like "Mary's refusal to hide from shame," however.
I thought it was funny that Mrs. Lincoln saw another woman, Mrs. Horatio Taft, wearing a bonnet with a purple ribbon that Mrs. Lincoln wanted for her own bonnet - and she had the boldness and audacity to ask for it!
In this account, Abraham didn't love Mary so much as she manipulated him into marrying her. She'd implied that he'd promised her more than he had in their correspondence, although he didn't like her. He'd thought she was fat. But, being unused to the coquettery of high society of the times, he didn't know how to politely extricate himself from the situation and wanted to do the right thing by her.
When we'd visited Joshua Speed's Farmington, the correspondence and the history told of Lincoln's depression during that time and made it sound like he was depressed because of the temporary break in his relationship with Mary. This book made it sound like he'd been depressed, not because their relationship had severed, but because he felt like the right thing to do was to marry her and he didn't want to. He'd asked Joshua Speed about his own marriage and romance, and Speed had indicated that things had gotten better after he'd married. Apparently, that gave Lincoln the courage to do the same. I pity the man.
One report had Mary Lincoln chasing Abraham into the streets with a knife. Abraham disarmed her and said, "Now stay in the house and don't disgrace us in the eyes of the world," according to Stephen Whitehurst's interview with William Hurndon.
I thought it was funny that Abraham Lincoln bought her a copy of Mary G. Chandler's "The Elements of Character," hoping it would help his Mary to learn self-control, particularly of her temper. "There is no indication that Mary, who understandably preferred novels anyway, ever read it."
"Particularly in later years, this deep-seated insecurity and sense of powerlessness, feelings that underlay what look like manic-depressive mood swings form today's perspective, drove her efforts at control, especially over other people..." I had not realized that control-issues were part of the manic-depressive repertoire, maybe more so for some people than others, but it does explain a few things.
I thought this was an interesting contrast on how the two friends, Mrs. Mary Lincoln and Mrs. Lizzy Keckly, dealt with grief, just because people do react to grief differently: "Most of all, she [Mrs. Keckly] was struck by Mary's need to get rid of whatever Willie [Mrs. Lincoln's dead son] loved, by her intense, almost 'supernatural ... dread' of coming into contact with Willie's belongings, a reaction so different from her own love of momentoes. For Lizzy, being in possession of the belongings of a lost loved one was like being in possession of one's past and identity, contained in the material memories of one's most heartfelt attachments that not even slaveholders could repossess. For Mary, rage at the loss, at the narcissistic injury that the other's death had dealt to her, overrode all other feelings, and ridding herself of the other's possessions, while devoting herself to amassing an elaborate mourning wardrobe, was her way of eradicating the injury and shoring up her damaged self."
I liked the quote that "He [Lincoln] still had to will himself out of depressions; indeed, his famous reliance on stories and anecdotes was a way to lift his moods." I do love some of Lincoln's funny anecdotes and I like that he was able to lift his moods and cope by using them. I also liked (most) of the stories in this volume about his playfulness with his own sons, although perhaps he was too lenient with them.
I also liked Lincoln's quote when he met Mrs. Keckly as she was fitting a dress to Mrs. Lincoln: "I declare, you look charming in that dress. Mrs. Keckly has met with success."
It became clear from various discussions, including those Mr. Lincoln had with Fredrick Douglass, that while Lincoln considered slavery an evil, he was still quite prejudiced against the race. He did not want to alter the social inequality of the races, merely the state of slavery. Lincoln also blamed the war on the African-Americans. Fredrick Douglass found Lincoln's views "incoherent," although he did appreciate the respect the president showed him personally. I would've called Lincoln's views "logically inconsistent." But this book was a history of the views of the times - not a rewritten history of the views we'd wished people had - and the people in those times were necessarily influenced by prevailing views to some degree, even those people working for freedom.
If I didn't like the accounts of Mary's critical nature distancing herself from all her friends, and even, at the end of her life, her family, I also didn't like Abraham's less-than-ideal support of the oppressed. And SPOILER ... I was also appalled by Lizzy Keckly's betrayal of Mary Lincoln by writing her memoirs later in life, betraying so many confidences. Even if Mrs. Keckly had good motives, that was still a terrible breech of confidence. That's why I said that none of the people in this book were really that likable, which, at times, made for a difficult read.
Some of the political statements made could apply today. Speaking of slaves, Fredrick Douglass said, "They have no national purse - no offices, no reputation, with which to corrupt Congress, or to tempt men mighty in eloquence and influence into their service. Oh, no! They have nothing to commend them but their unadorned humanity. They are human - that's all - only human." I feel like the same could be said today of the unborn.
Or here's one of Lincoln's quotes on slavery: "It is the eternal struggle between ... two principles -right and wrong - throughout the world ... It is the same spirit that say, 'You work and toil and earn bread, and I'll eat it.' No matter in what shape it comes, whether from the mouth of a king who seeks to bestride the people of his own nation and live by the fruit of their labor, or from one race of men as an apology for enslaving another race, it is the same tyrannical principle." I found that one interesting, having seen similar quips about communism entering America.
Another one of Fredrick Douglass's quotes: "We are taught as with the emphasis of an earthquake, that nations, not less than individuals are subjects of the moral government of the universe, and that ... persistent transgressions of the laws of this Divine government will certainly bring national sorrow, shame, suffering, and death." He thought that the nation practicing the evil of slavery had brought this horrific war upon itself. It made me wonder whether he would think the same of other evils today - pollution and the environment, for example, or cold-heartedness towards those unable to care for themselves, or even abortions of the unborn.
I love stories of unusual friendships, and this story of a president's wife's friendship with a former slave sounded promising. When criticisms of Mary Lincoln broke down her other friendships, she drew closer to her dress-maker, Mrs. Lizzy Keckly, an astute business woman in her own right, and at that point, a freed woman. It was funny to read about Mrs. Keckly coming into the White House during tense war-room counsels for dress-fittings.
I also bought the book because I'd heard stories of Mary Todd Lincoln being highly critical of Abe Lincoln (and everyone else), shrewish, and even insane. Someone had said that this book countered some of those claims and presented her in a more favorable light. So, I wanted to read something to balance what I'd heard.
This was not a historical fiction novel or a fictionalized history, nor does it read like one. In the back, there are thirty-four pages of references, notes taken from public documents and private correspondence, and when a certain aspect was unknown, the author, Jennifer Fleischner said so rather than making something up. She did sometimes list possibilities, as she did when talking about Mrs. Keckly's relationship with her son's father, but no surviving record remained as to her true feelings about him.
Still, there were many interesting, worthwhile, or troubling anecdotes, and we can't help but feel for Lizzy Keckly during her slavery. The story that stood out in my mind the most was about when she, at age 5, was put in charge of the white family's baby. She rocked him so hard that he fell out of the crib, and she tried to scoop him back up with a shovel to return him to the crib. That was when she was caught - and whipped. It's hard for most of today's readers imagining someone so young being in charge of an infant, much less facing violence for not knowing what to do in that situation.
None of the people in this book seemed very likable. They tended to be highly critical of one another in their correspondence, mostly for laughs. While I enjoyed some of the snippets of the correspondence (I do love a good correspondence story, too), some of it read appallingly like the gossip of those glamour tabloids or the equivalent of those times - not really something I was interested in.
If I had to pick a character that I liked, it would've been the bit character, Elizabeth Blair Lee, whose kindness and verbal reassurances enabled her to keep friendships on both sides of the north-south divide. "She had managed to remain friends with Varina Davis. And she did so in spite of Mrs. Davis's pronouncement that she was no longer associating with Republicans [the party against slavery.]" I liked that line because I love the few brave souls who are able to maintain friendships across the political aisle today. Elizabeth Lee was good to Mary Lincoln after Abraham's death, as well, even if she could not stay as long as Mary wanted.
Mrs. Keckly, the former slave, also had to face a culture shift in coming north. "She could also recall the shock of coming north, where people might mean well but were not by nature 'warm and impulsive. For one kind word spoken, two harsh ones were uttered.'"
I also loved Mr. Lincoln's response to the criticism of the Lincolns hosting one of Mary's sisters, grieving the loss of a Confederate soldier, her husband. Lincoln didn't bother trying to apologize for the man's politics or military choices, but simply said, "Excuse me, General Sickles, my wife and I are in the habit of choosing our own guests." That sounds like the same Lincoln who wrote, "With malice toward none; with charity for all."
I didn't think that this book really improved the public image of Mary Lincoln's character very much. Yes, we pitied her the various bereavements and the hardships of her youth, such as losing her mother. But we still found her to be vindictive, judgmental, controlling, critical, and manipulative. Well acquainted with "retail-therapy," as it's known today, Mrs. Lincoln was also drastically over-budget on her spending. Plus, it wasn't really retail-oriented, but the top of the top in costly fashion. Mary was deceptive and unethical in hiding it, as she was unethical in some of her political dealings on Lincoln's behalf. "He is too honest to take the proper care of his interests." And yes, she probably was insane as well. I did like "Mary's refusal to hide from shame," however.
I thought it was funny that Mrs. Lincoln saw another woman, Mrs. Horatio Taft, wearing a bonnet with a purple ribbon that Mrs. Lincoln wanted for her own bonnet - and she had the boldness and audacity to ask for it!
In this account, Abraham didn't love Mary so much as she manipulated him into marrying her. She'd implied that he'd promised her more than he had in their correspondence, although he didn't like her. He'd thought she was fat. But, being unused to the coquettery of high society of the times, he didn't know how to politely extricate himself from the situation and wanted to do the right thing by her.
When we'd visited Joshua Speed's Farmington, the correspondence and the history told of Lincoln's depression during that time and made it sound like he was depressed because of the temporary break in his relationship with Mary. This book made it sound like he'd been depressed, not because their relationship had severed, but because he felt like the right thing to do was to marry her and he didn't want to. He'd asked Joshua Speed about his own marriage and romance, and Speed had indicated that things had gotten better after he'd married. Apparently, that gave Lincoln the courage to do the same. I pity the man.
One report had Mary Lincoln chasing Abraham into the streets with a knife. Abraham disarmed her and said, "Now stay in the house and don't disgrace us in the eyes of the world," according to Stephen Whitehurst's interview with William Hurndon.
I thought it was funny that Abraham Lincoln bought her a copy of Mary G. Chandler's "The Elements of Character," hoping it would help his Mary to learn self-control, particularly of her temper. "There is no indication that Mary, who understandably preferred novels anyway, ever read it."
"Particularly in later years, this deep-seated insecurity and sense of powerlessness, feelings that underlay what look like manic-depressive mood swings form today's perspective, drove her efforts at control, especially over other people..." I had not realized that control-issues were part of the manic-depressive repertoire, maybe more so for some people than others, but it does explain a few things.
I thought this was an interesting contrast on how the two friends, Mrs. Mary Lincoln and Mrs. Lizzy Keckly, dealt with grief, just because people do react to grief differently: "Most of all, she [Mrs. Keckly] was struck by Mary's need to get rid of whatever Willie [Mrs. Lincoln's dead son] loved, by her intense, almost 'supernatural ... dread' of coming into contact with Willie's belongings, a reaction so different from her own love of momentoes. For Lizzy, being in possession of the belongings of a lost loved one was like being in possession of one's past and identity, contained in the material memories of one's most heartfelt attachments that not even slaveholders could repossess. For Mary, rage at the loss, at the narcissistic injury that the other's death had dealt to her, overrode all other feelings, and ridding herself of the other's possessions, while devoting herself to amassing an elaborate mourning wardrobe, was her way of eradicating the injury and shoring up her damaged self."
I liked the quote that "He [Lincoln] still had to will himself out of depressions; indeed, his famous reliance on stories and anecdotes was a way to lift his moods." I do love some of Lincoln's funny anecdotes and I like that he was able to lift his moods and cope by using them. I also liked (most) of the stories in this volume about his playfulness with his own sons, although perhaps he was too lenient with them.
I also liked Lincoln's quote when he met Mrs. Keckly as she was fitting a dress to Mrs. Lincoln: "I declare, you look charming in that dress. Mrs. Keckly has met with success."
It became clear from various discussions, including those Mr. Lincoln had with Fredrick Douglass, that while Lincoln considered slavery an evil, he was still quite prejudiced against the race. He did not want to alter the social inequality of the races, merely the state of slavery. Lincoln also blamed the war on the African-Americans. Fredrick Douglass found Lincoln's views "incoherent," although he did appreciate the respect the president showed him personally. I would've called Lincoln's views "logically inconsistent." But this book was a history of the views of the times - not a rewritten history of the views we'd wished people had - and the people in those times were necessarily influenced by prevailing views to some degree, even those people working for freedom.
If I didn't like the accounts of Mary's critical nature distancing herself from all her friends, and even, at the end of her life, her family, I also didn't like Abraham's less-than-ideal support of the oppressed. And SPOILER ... I was also appalled by Lizzy Keckly's betrayal of Mary Lincoln by writing her memoirs later in life, betraying so many confidences. Even if Mrs. Keckly had good motives, that was still a terrible breech of confidence. That's why I said that none of the people in this book were really that likable, which, at times, made for a difficult read.
Some of the political statements made could apply today. Speaking of slaves, Fredrick Douglass said, "They have no national purse - no offices, no reputation, with which to corrupt Congress, or to tempt men mighty in eloquence and influence into their service. Oh, no! They have nothing to commend them but their unadorned humanity. They are human - that's all - only human." I feel like the same could be said today of the unborn.
Or here's one of Lincoln's quotes on slavery: "It is the eternal struggle between ... two principles -right and wrong - throughout the world ... It is the same spirit that say, 'You work and toil and earn bread, and I'll eat it.' No matter in what shape it comes, whether from the mouth of a king who seeks to bestride the people of his own nation and live by the fruit of their labor, or from one race of men as an apology for enslaving another race, it is the same tyrannical principle." I found that one interesting, having seen similar quips about communism entering America.
Another one of Fredrick Douglass's quotes: "We are taught as with the emphasis of an earthquake, that nations, not less than individuals are subjects of the moral government of the universe, and that ... persistent transgressions of the laws of this Divine government will certainly bring national sorrow, shame, suffering, and death." He thought that the nation practicing the evil of slavery had brought this horrific war upon itself. It made me wonder whether he would think the same of other evils today - pollution and the environment, for example, or cold-heartedness towards those unable to care for themselves, or even abortions of the unborn.
March 10, 2012
The author is a colleague of mine - and when I started reading the book I wondered whether or not I should put it on this list. What if I didn't like it? Could I write honest comments? I need not have worried.
This is a very well-researched and well-written book, a dual biography of two women, one who grew up as a slave, the other with a privileged but emotionally challenging background. Their lives and eventual relationship makes fascinating reading and illuminates Lincoln, the civil war, slavery and emancipation from a different-than-usual angle, casting new light on this incredibly important era and these vital issues.
Highly recommended to lovers of history.
This is a very well-researched and well-written book, a dual biography of two women, one who grew up as a slave, the other with a privileged but emotionally challenging background. Their lives and eventual relationship makes fascinating reading and illuminates Lincoln, the civil war, slavery and emancipation from a different-than-usual angle, casting new light on this incredibly important era and these vital issues.
Highly recommended to lovers of history.
February 22, 2010
The author makes some assumptions and the style can be dry in places, but overall this is a great book because of the insights it offers into the experiences of freed slaves as well as the personal lives of the Lincolns. I loved Mrs. Lincoln's response when friends wondered whether she ever regretted deciding to marry the gangly and struggling Lincoln rather than the (then) more successful Stephen Douglas: "What they fail to realize is that his heart is as large as his arms are long." (paraphrased because I no longer have a copy of the book).
November 17, 2014
Obviously a thesis of some sort. Great information, but too much of it. Mrs. Lincoln and Mrs. Keckly actually meet each other halfway through the book. Recommended to me for better reading and the same facts regarding their friendship was 'Mrs. Lincoln's Dressmaker' by Jennifer Chiaverini. Since I only skimmed the much of this book, I think I'll read Chiaverini's account.
July 18, 2015
I had high hopes for this book but was very disappointed. The subtitle was misleading as it wasn't until about halfway through did the two ladies meet. Needless to say the first half was informative but dry and boring. The second half wasn't much better as it wasn't what I anticipated nor was it what I really wanted to read.
March 12, 2013
A great premise for a rather boring book. The author gets caught up on way too many unimportant details and forgets she is telling a story about both Mrs. Lincoln and Mrs. Keckly. I was never able to finish the book.
March 8, 2009
I really distrust a book that has an error on the third page. Plunged on, though, and found enough interesting stuff I hadn't known before to make it worth reading. Not that I trust it ..... ;)
December 7, 2012
Half way through and couldn't finish. Snooze material.
March 21, 2018
A lot more history than the story of Lizzy and Mary, but overall a good book. I actually enjoyed reading the history, though.
March 4, 2019
Fleischner’s excellent book details one of the most unusual and compelling relationships in history: that of First Lady Mary Todd Lincoln and Washington dressmaker Elizabeth Keckly.
Keckly was born in slavery and purchased her freedom after years of servitude. Due to her diligence and skill she became a businesswoman sought out by well-dressed women throughout the D.C. area.
Lincoln was born into a well-connected slave-owning family, with complex and often confusing ideas about emancipation. She desperately needed a confidante, during her years as First Lady and especially afterward, when family turned against her and her financial situation was perilous. Keckly provided that relationship.
Neither woman left memoirs in which they reflected on their lives, let alone this unusual relationship. It would be only human for Keckly to have very divided feelings about the First Lady who could be both affectionate and petulant. A modern reader cannot help but wonder how genuine her feelings for Lincoln were.
The author makes it clear that complicated emotions were not uncommon between former slaves and slave-holders and that a kind of guarded remoteness was key to survival for African-Americans.
Keckly is the more appealing (and less explored) historical character. For this reason, Flesischner is understandably warmer to Elizabeth than Mary. Those who have read other books about Mary Lincoln will be intrigued by Fleischner’s theory about the source of Mary Lincoln’s ill-health and mercurial behavior and about the true state of Abraham Lincoln’s feelings for his wife.
Keckly was born in slavery and purchased her freedom after years of servitude. Due to her diligence and skill she became a businesswoman sought out by well-dressed women throughout the D.C. area.
Lincoln was born into a well-connected slave-owning family, with complex and often confusing ideas about emancipation. She desperately needed a confidante, during her years as First Lady and especially afterward, when family turned against her and her financial situation was perilous. Keckly provided that relationship.
Neither woman left memoirs in which they reflected on their lives, let alone this unusual relationship. It would be only human for Keckly to have very divided feelings about the First Lady who could be both affectionate and petulant. A modern reader cannot help but wonder how genuine her feelings for Lincoln were.
The author makes it clear that complicated emotions were not uncommon between former slaves and slave-holders and that a kind of guarded remoteness was key to survival for African-Americans.
Keckly is the more appealing (and less explored) historical character. For this reason, Flesischner is understandably warmer to Elizabeth than Mary. Those who have read other books about Mary Lincoln will be intrigued by Fleischner’s theory about the source of Mary Lincoln’s ill-health and mercurial behavior and about the true state of Abraham Lincoln’s feelings for his wife.
December 18, 2020
Impressive research has gone into making this detailed and cohesive account. Despite the title, the book covers the family backgrounds of both women, their young lives, their friendship, and the time after, so that the title applies directly to a quarter of the book, with the rest being valuable context. As for style, this book is intelligently, but not masterfully written. There are awkward sentences or structures, but there are also insightful observations unpretentiously presented.
This was my first read about the slave-days United States, so the segments about the relationships between families and their slaves, and slaves and their biological families, were illuminating. Two accounts of slave treatment stuck with me: the selling of a woman's three-year-old son because the master was in financial need, and the beatings Lizzy received at the request of her petty then-master (who could, we learn, not actually bear to see them herself - but slaves were often thought of theoretically rather than personally). The self-division, in some communities, of the ex-slave community into black and brown was a surprising revelation, as well as the (intuitive in retrospect) explanation of the difficulty which slaves had in instantly adjusting to the full responsibilities of free life.
More topically to the title, the other theme which fascinated me was the portrayed tragedy of Mary Lincoln. Unfortunate mind! Relatedly, Fleischner does not hesitate to present the pretensions of the more privileged Americans of that time, and the condescension which their upstart doings sometimes incurred from Continental onlookers.
This was my first read about the slave-days United States, so the segments about the relationships between families and their slaves, and slaves and their biological families, were illuminating. Two accounts of slave treatment stuck with me: the selling of a woman's three-year-old son because the master was in financial need, and the beatings Lizzy received at the request of her petty then-master (who could, we learn, not actually bear to see them herself - but slaves were often thought of theoretically rather than personally). The self-division, in some communities, of the ex-slave community into black and brown was a surprising revelation, as well as the (intuitive in retrospect) explanation of the difficulty which slaves had in instantly adjusting to the full responsibilities of free life.
More topically to the title, the other theme which fascinated me was the portrayed tragedy of Mary Lincoln. Unfortunate mind! Relatedly, Fleischner does not hesitate to present the pretensions of the more privileged Americans of that time, and the condescension which their upstart doings sometimes incurred from Continental onlookers.
May 6, 2020
I had to read this for my American Civ class. So please keep that in mind while reading this review. For a book that's all about how Mrs. Lincoln and Mrs. Keckly met, the author doesn't tell you when and how they met until over half way through the book. I found it very difficult to understand because the author goes off on tangents and talks about subjects that aren't strictly about Lincoln or Keckly. I also found the layout of this book very odd and irritating. I think it might have been easier to follow (especially for college students who use this for classes) if it was separated into 3 parts: Lincoln's life up until she met Keckly, Keckly's life up until she met Lincoln and then their lives after they met and became friends. I consider myself to be a reader who can follow along with difficult plots and story lines, but this book was impossible to follow. I love history, but this book wasn't interesting to me. It felt like I was reading a textbook rather than a novel.
February 25, 2022
This is a very detailed account of the history of the two women ... the families they were a part of, and then their relationship. There are times in the beginning of the book when I felt bogged down with too much detail about the extended relatives of Mary Lincoln. But I did enjoy learning more about her and her tragic life with the loss of so many children and, of course, her husband. I was unaware of Mrs. Keckley or her history intertwined with Mary's in so many ways, so I did find that part worth reading. There was also a lot I learned about the Civil War that I had not known. I knew very little about the history between Abraham and Mary -- their on again/off again courtship and the other beaus that Mary had, and also that Abraham had. Her life after his death became more and more disastrous. What a sad ending for Mary.
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February 10, 2022I loved this narrative nonfiction book of how Mary Lincoln and Elizabeth Keckly formed a tight bond through Mrs. Keckly’s work as a seamstress for the volatile First Lady. Their different childhoods and paths to Washington gave me even more insight into these two very different women and their uncommon friendship. The story of how Mrs. Keckly frees herself and her child from slavery should be celebrated and known by all. Mrs. Keckly was the only person who Mrs. Lincoln trusted during her tumultuous White House years and was practically the only one who tried to help Mrs. Lincoln after she left Washington until their falling out over the publication of Mrs. Keckly’s memoir. It’s an outstanding true story!
September 3, 2017
It took me a long time to get through this book. The beginning of the book was really good. It was about both women’s lives up to the time they met. I especially found it interesting learning about the early days of Lexington, Kentucky and the history of slavery in Kentucky. Once the women meet, on the eve of Lincoln’s inauguration, it started to lose steam. Maybe because everything just become more political. I completely stalled when I had only two chapters to go, but I did finally push through. There is nothing wrong with the writing, it is totally due to my lack of interest.
January 14, 2018
Really, I would rate Mrs. Lincoln and Mrs. Keckly with 4 and 1/2 stars. I appreciate learning about a well-to-do community of African-Americans living in Washington, D.C., before the Civil war. I would have liked to learn more about how the community thrived in such a hostile environment. As it is the little as presented was intriguing. That Mrs. Keckly survived her years as a slave with some sense of self intact speaks to the strength of her character. It took that strength to deal with Mrs. Lincoln. An interesting read.
May 6, 2021
Fascinating, rich with detail and history, well-researched. I learned more about the Civil War era than I ever learned in school, where I read dry, boring facts about bloody battles. This makes history come alive through the lives of two very different women, whose paths crossed and united for a period, then split yet again. I am not a history buff, but this was enthralling. (I do admit, I got confused several times with the various family members of these large, entangled Southern families, but overall, that made little difference.) Very good read.
February 10, 2022
While you might read this book for its tale of how a black woman had a very successful business, I found it fascinating that she could and would have an enduring friendship with Mrs. Lincoln. The book spurred a lot of sympathy in me for Mrs. Lincoln. Mrs. Lincoln was left in dire financial straits after Lincoln's assassination. Societal pressures limited how she could deal with this. Given her frail mental health, this period must have been quite difficult. Mrs. Keckly kept up the friendship well past the time it could have benefited her business. She was an extraordinary woman.
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