The Fussy Baby Book: Parenting Your High-Need Child From Birth to Age Five

by William Sears, Martha Sears

Describes the characteristics of a "high-need" baby, suggests ways to soothe a fussy child, and discusses nutrition, discipline, and communication

Genres: Parenting, Nonfiction, Self Help, Childrens, Psychology, Reference

256 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 1987

About the author

Dr. Sears, or Dr. Bill as his "little patients" call him, is the father of eight children as well as the author of over 30 books on childcare. Dr. Bill is an Associate Clinical Professor of Pediatrics at the University of California, Irvine, School of Medicine. Dr. Bill received his pediatric training at Harvard Medical School's Children's Hospital in Boston and The Hospital for Sick Children in Toronto -- the largest children’s hospital in the world, where he served as associate ward chief of the newborn nursery and associate professor of pediatrics. Dr. Sears is a fellow of the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) and a fellow of the Royal College of Pediatricians (RCP).Dr. Bill is also a medical and parenting consultant for BabyTalk and Parenting magazines and the pediatrician on the website Parenting.com.

Reviews

[Rachel · Rating 4 out of 5]

After finishing this book I realized that the book should really be in two parts. Part one- parenting the high-need child, part two- taking care of the parents of high-need children. I would benefit more from part two especially if it included more information about postpartum depression and expanded the chapter on mother burnout.

Chapter 5, "Feelings Shared by Parents of High-Need Children" was especially helpful. This book is for parents who get a lot of criticism about their high-touch, baby directed, extremely giving parenting style and for parents who go against what's popular.

I got this book when my oldest was going through his very high-need months and didn't read it until two years later when I realized that those high-need months were really high-need years. I wish I had read this when I first got it and that I had read a few chapters over and over in the last two years.

[Ver · Rating 3 out of 5]

I can understand why this book has so many negative reviews and many readers drop it after reading a few chapters. The first half of the book is in one tone - if you don't tend to the every need of your little baby at all times as quickly as you can, you're a bad parent. Especially, if you have a big cry baby, you should carry it with you all the time. I know something about it as my baby is very demanding in terms of parent attention and I agree with standard books that when you feel you can't carry your baby anymore you should leave it for 15 min because it is important for the parent to rest, even just a little bit. In this book only later they mention children conditions like reflux, allergies or bellyache that make children cry more. But they still put emphasis on tending to your child's needs all the time. I'm more into happy mother = happy child attitude, it should be more balanced. We know it's not possible every day but try to do something that makes mother and child happy.

[Melissa · Rating 5 out of 5]

I love this book! It helped me understand more about my very fussy, "high need" baby. I wondered what was wrong with my baby since I babysit my friend's baby who is 2 months younger than mine & he seemed like an angel. I have helped raise my 3 nephews & 1 neice & have babysat babies all through my teenage years but nothing could prepare me for the way my child is. I had never encountered a high needs baby before & this book helped me feel not so alone & made me realize that I didn't make my baby this way. After reading this book I stopped wishing he was different & embraced his spirt. If your baby is fussy & seems more needy than other babies READ THIS BOOK!

[Bri · Rating 5 out of 5]

If you are reading this book… You understand.

You understand more than anyone how the arrival of your little one will leave you flustered, overjoyed, resentful, anxious, joyful, in love, feeling crazy…

Because your little one is just not what you expected. And not in a bad way. But in a completely different, unexpected manner you’d seen from television, books, movies.

I had basically zero experience with babies. I only held a few babies a couple of times for maybe five minutes. Imagine my surprise when, within a very short time period, my brand new baby would refuse to sleep alone. Refuse to be in a bassinet, like I was told in the hospital she must stay while sleeping. Refuse others holding her, even her dad. Her cries sent electricity through my arms, my arms always extended out for her without fail… she needed me. It was unquestionable. And I held her. Held her literally all day, all night.

It drove me crazy whenever people told me her cries weren’t “real” cries unless she had tears. That it was okay for her to cry it out. Every instinct in my body recoiled at even imagining a baby, by herself with no comfort, not understanding why she was left alone to fend for herself. Family used to say she wasn’t really upset unless she had “actual” tears. Those same family members would be confused when, while they were over, my angelic baby within seconds became distraught and unable to calm because she hadn’t been able to nurse as soon as she wanted or not held by me. It probably appeared like we overreacted to her cries, but it was only out of desperation since we knew that each moment her needs were unmet, the harder it would be for me to keep her from being inconsolable.

This is a book for the parents that get it. That know the important work they are doing now is meeting needs so your little one can have the foundation they so desperately crave and need to flourish, be independent and trusting, kind and nurturing… mothers fuel their tanks now. It’s the only opportunity we have. It’s now or never.

Everyone- friends and strangers- rave about my daughter. Her kind and curious spirit is contagious. Her joy is palatable. I am excited to see her bloom into whoever she will be, her talents, her dreams, her thoughts unraveled. God blessed me with this high needs baby. I wouldn’t have it any other way.

[Mary · Rating 4 out of 5]

When you have a difficult child, especially if it’s your first, you immediately doubt yourself. It’s only natural, especially when your family, friends and the internet tells you (more or less subtly) that you’re spoiling your child and that you’ll regret this soon. This book is like a friendly ear that listens to your doubts, a mentor that shows you the way without giving you the answer, a mother that picks you up and reassures you that you’ll be fine.

You will not find tricks to fix your baby in the book, instead you’ll learn that you have to believe in yourself and that listening to your baby and your heart is the right way.

A book for those who need a little encouragement for a change!

[Rebecca · Rating 4 out of 5]

I am a psychology student, and this book was on the extra reading list for one of my uni subjects. I decided to read it because at the time, I was nursing my youngest, who was very securely attached to me and struggled to separate even for brief moments. I was initially off put by the title, which I find judgmental and would prefer a more inclusive language. However, overlooking the language and labels used by the book it provides, for the most part, validation in understanding an infant who has specific needs and their unique temperaments and how to support them in a society that does not comply or allign with a holistic attentitive approaches to parenting in its structures, systems or social idealoglogy. I found this book helpful in understanding my infant and providing what she needed without shame or taking on outsiders' judgments. The book provides solace with the overarching message that the intensity of support required for an infant who has additional needs is temporary and will pass as long as you put in the hard yards to build that secure attachment whilst they are in their crucial years. The book also helps you identify if you have a child with specific or additional needs or temperaments and how to understand them on a deeper level. It guides you to understand your child at each stage of life and explains that responding to their unique needs holistically is also a lifelong parenting process.

[Heidi Dumke · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was incredibly validating for me as a parent of a spirited, high-need baby. I first found Dr. Sears’s work when I realized my daughter’s fussiness wasn’t just colic… everyone kept saying it was colic, lol. Sure, there were some gas pains, but there was clearly more going on. The stories from the Sears family’s own parenting journey helped me feel less alone, and I especially appreciated the section on recognizing burnout in mothers. The idea of a “high-need child” also gave me a way to anticipate upcoming stages and better prepare for them. The book is full of practical tips on attachment parenting, including cosleeping and breastfeeding, which fit well with the approach we’ve chosen.

Most of all, it reminded me that raising a high-need child isn’t just about the challenges, but also the gifts! Their passion, intensity, rapid learning (with those high-firing brains), and joy. That perspective helps me see Maeve’s spirited-ness as something to celebrate. A compassionate and encouraging resource for parents who feel like their baby doesn’t fit the “easy” mold and are thinking "good grief..." with the general resources out there.

[Olivia Murphy · Rating 3 out of 5]

Another parenting book that I could pick out what was helpful and skim over what wasn't! It definitely made me more empathetic towards my more demanding, strong willed baby and made me feel less alone in experiencing some mom guilt!

[Marilyn]

I met Bill & Martha Sears at a LLL event and asked him if his family is from Cape Cod. He said yes so I told him we’re cousins. He autographed it “To Cousin Marilyn.”

[魏宇星 · Rating 3 out of 5]

I can recognize that my baby is a high need baby.But this book is not useful for me to handle my baby's sleep problem.

[Sarah · Rating 2 out of 5]

This book was recommended to me at a La Leche League meeting. An LLL leader came up to me after the meeting and said something like, "I think you may benefit from reading this book." Perhaps it was because Drew was being fussy for the entire 1.5 hour meeting?

Anyhow, I read the book but didn't find any more information than was in the Baby Book by Dr. Sears. They basically say that fussy, or high-needs, babies are just communicating their need for more attention, and attachment parenting will alleviate some of the fussiness by being able to respond immediately. Some of the suggestions are doable (for me), and others are not because I disagree with the philosophy, work and therefore can't respond to Drew all the time, or don't want to. One part of the philosophy that I like is that responding to a high-needs child makes you a better parent. If you have a child that is easy and mellow, you may not interact as much with him or her as you do with a high-needs child that demands attention.

Anyhow, I didn't find any real gems in the book that I didn't already know, but I think I'm pretty well-read on the subject (especially Dr. Sears books).

[Michelle · Rating 4 out of 5]

I have an insanely high-need baby with reflux and some allergy issues and was looking for some help to soothe her. This books is so fantastic because it not only gives you suggestions of how to help calm baby down (and mom too) but it explains whats going on with babies when they are so upset and/or not feeling good. Its really great insight to why your baby needs so much of your attention, closeness and attention. As a parent who may be frustrated and looking for ways to calm your baby so you can put her down for a while, and can't, the Sears' help you to understand just why your baby needs you so much and how it helps her when you give her exactly what she needs. Along with the Attachment Parenting book, these are the best!!

[Meags · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book was quasi-helpful. Mostly it helped because I knew I wasn't alone. But most of the advice was basically "don't sweat the small stuff" and "this too shall pass". Not super useful when you are dealing with the thousandth meltdown of the day. A lot of the information was stuff I was already doing or had read about online. At the time I was more concerned about the chapter on "nighttime parenting", but as with Mayim Bialik's book, I found it wanting. I guess the only helpful part was that other people had gone through it and survived, and also that the traits that are so frustrating now are fantastic in older children and adults. If you need more than comfort from exhaustion from dealing with an intense baby/toddler, look elsewhere.

[Parthenos22 · Rating 3 out of 5]

different approach to "crying it out" style; its a staunch attachment-style parenting book. he refers to these type of babies as "high need," which is a better term than blaming the parents for the kids' behavior--i like that. i read everything about babies (it goes on to preschoolers/older kids in other chapters). basically i agree with everything the doctor is telling me, and it makes perfect sense to my emotions, but absolutely no sense in reality for me to be carrying my baby around all day on my hip, in some sling, while i vacuum or cook. kinda makes me feel guilty other mothers can do it and juggle a million things AND carry a fussy baby.

[Alicia · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is just what I've been looking for. It's a little more geared towards having a new born high-need child. Wish I had read it when Sadie was born. There were helpful hints, but mostly it was just a relief to know there are other kids out there like Sadie. I keep telling myself now, "There's nothing wrong with me and there's nothing wrong with Sadie." I agree with their baby advice - not letting them cry it out, giving them lots of time and affection, being patient with their high demands, ect.

[Eric Ward · Rating 3 out of 5]

If you have, or think you may have, a high needs child this book is worth a read. I felt like a lot of what was in the first section (mainly focused on young babies) seemed kind of common sense to me. I think that if you are an attachment parenting sort of person, this will mostly come naturally for you anyway, but it might help give you some additional perspective. I think that's a lot of what I found different with this book, I don't think it told me anything new, but it did have some good examples and stories that I can see helping if you are ina similar situation.

[Readingmomma · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book saved my life ten years ago. If not for the sound advice and attachment parenting method I would have lost my mind that first year with my son. This book helped me to understand that my sons fussiness had nothing to do with me or him for that matter. The fact was he was simply a high needs baby I would like to say he grew out of it but he still ten years latter requires more than most children. This book heped me to stop feeling guilty and blaming myself. This book introduced me to attachment parenting wich I will be forever greatful. I can't say enough good things about this book

[Nicola · Rating 5 out of 5]

Very supportive resource for those with high-need babies. Reading this was like re-living my son's early infancy and some of the toddler stories also sound familiar too. It was so helpful and encouraging to find other parents who had been through similar experiences to my own and can talk about the rewards of having a high-need child. My only criticism of the book is in the title "The Fussy Baby Book". The word "Fussy" does sound negative and dismissive, whereas "high-need" more accurately describes these children as children who just need more.

[Jessica Nekuda · Rating 2 out of 5]

I'm highly disappointed in this book. Here I was thinking it was going to help me calm my son and the further I read the more I wanted to burn it. It talks nonstop about breastfeeding babies and how to avoid certain foods that may be making baby fussy. Well I wasn't able to breastfeed so thanks for nothing there. Rock the baby, hold him in a sling, bounce him, well yea I've tried all those, that's why I wanted this book come on! Best thing I got out of this book was how to avoid mother burn out because I've been feeling that lately.

[Jessie · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wow. This book is the BEST baby book I have ever read. I wish I had read it 3 months ago! (My son is 3 1/2 months old)

Soooo many options and solutions for how to soothe a baby are found in this book. There's actually a list of 36 time tested things to soothe your baby! Also explanations for baby's behavior. I found the book very relaxing and validating.

The entire book is written with a very warm fuzzy loving attitude and the advice seemed to follow my own natural mommy instincts.

[Kate Hyde · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wish I had this book when my daughter was born, although it's still helpful now (she's currently 3 1/2). So great to hear about other parents who have been through the same struggles I have. More than just stories, this book also gives lots of helpful advice on how to survive life with a "high-need" child. Most of the book is aimed at parents of babies, but they do tackle older ages in about the last third of the book.

Highly recommended!

[MaryLiz LeBoeuf · Rating 4 out of 5]

My youngest epitomizes Dr. Sears' definition of a "high-needs" child. I felt very validated after reading this book. I am also a huge fan of Dr. Sears and his AP-parenting philosophy. That being said, I wish he had included a few more practical suggestions in the book. I did love the vignettes though.

[Erin · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is an interesting book on how to care for fussy, high need babies. Luckily my first son, although extremely intense and definitely high need, was not as bad as some of these kids! I liked this book, but the solutions are not always practical, especially for women who choose not to breast feed. But worth reading if you can't figure out why your baby wants so much attention!

[Sticky Note Book Recs Melissa · Rating 5 out of 5]

If you feel like you have a baby who is hard to please, you should read this, you may just find out that you a high needs child! My middle kids is a high needs kid, and this book helped me keep my sanity, and really understand what all the screaming was all about. I love Dr. Sears' parenting approach too.

[Kari · Rating 5 out of 5]

Excellent resource for parents. Top of my list.

Every time I picked it up, I felt more equipped to parent our baby in a way that was healthy, both for him and for me. It was encouraging and far better at helping me understand my baby and what he needed/how to give it to him in an appropriate way so that our family could thrive.

[Leta · Rating 5 out of 5]

A very positive book. Gives hope to parents with fussy babies.. they won't always be fussy.. unlike what others tell you. Will help you get thru this difficult phase with encouragement. They predict that the fussy baby grows to be an extra affectionate, emotionally in-tune person. Has been the case with our fussy baby:)

[Jen · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book had a ton of useful information in it, and reaffirmed some things I've been doing "right" that others keep questioning, so from that perspective, it was great. The biggest drawback to this book is that it's geared at families where one of the parents will be/is a stay-at-home parent, so many suggestions/methods to help keep baby calm aren't as effective for working parents.

[Veronika · Rating 5 out of 5]

Right on target! Too bad I did not get this book right in the hospital. It is such a relieve to see that other babies also hate car rides, wake up with the slightest noise, have to be carried and sleep on top of their mom.

The book gives you advice for the comming years, because it is not going to be easy...

[Mala · Rating 4 out of 5]

The only baby book that resonated. It's as if the book was written with my baby in mind. Great read for parents of high-needs babies. You learn some new things but mostly a validation of what you have already figured out about your HN baby.

You can now happily pay two hoots to all unwanted advice from well-meaning (or not) people.

[Kathryn · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book is tailored towards someone new to the concept of "high need." Unfortunately, that is not me. I was hoping to find survival tips and ways to get my baby to sleep for long stretches of time. I did not find what I wanted in this book. However, it does offer comfort and reassurance to stressed-out parents.