The Reluctant Entertainer: Every Woman's Guide to Simple and Gracious Hospitality

by Sandy Coughlin

Hospitality can be a blessing to both the host and her guests, but for many women today, it simply doesn't happen. Feelings of inadequacy, unrealistic expectations, fear of failure, lack of time--all conspire to steal the joy that comes from opening one's home and sharing fellowship with others. In The Reluctant Entertainer, Sandy Coughlin relates to people in real ways about real meals that mortals cook, during which real conversations draw people together. Would-be hostesses will discover that true hospitality is not about being perfect, cooking a fancy meal, or spending a lot of money. Rather, it's about an open door and an open heart.

Genres: Nonfiction, Cookbooks, Personal Development, Christian, Cooking, Food, Christian Living

160 pages, Hardcover

First published August 1, 2010

About the author

Sandy Coughlin loves hospitality, cooking, and opening her home to others with her husband and three growing teenagers. She's the author of The Reluctant Entertainer and co-author (with her husband Paul) of Married...But Not Engaged. She's been featured on numerous media outlets including Moody's Midday Connection, Focus on the Family, The 700 Club, and Library Journal. You can find Sandy's blog about simple but savvy entertaining, as well as the benefits to imperfect living, at ReluctantEntertainer.com

Reviews

[library lola · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wow! This book was completely amazing. So much better than I had anticipated. I was unfamiliar with the author's blog of the same name so I came to this book with fresh eyes and was not disappointed.

Not only was it inspiring, but it was also meaningful and really made you think about the concept of hospitality in a new way. I was expecting a book with set meal plans and decor ideas and, while there are a few of those in here, this book is much more a book about letting go of perfection and taking fear out of entertaining by breaking down the concepts, giving inspiration and empowering the reader to move forward with a new definition of what makes a good hostess.

Recommended to all for its wonderful readability and no pressure guidance to become a person of hospitality, not just a stressed out person throwing dinner parties.

[Jaime · Rating 2 out of 5]

While I was able to glean a few insights about letting go of perfection and developing a more welcoming home, I felt that this book had to stretch to fill all of its pages with the author repeating the same things over many times: her mother and other relatives were good examples of hospitality, perfection is not important... I wish the photos had been more personal photos that supplemented the subjects on each page instead of just pretty stock photos.

If you are a reluctant entertainer, this book will provide some encouragement and ideas and inspiration. It is a quick read. But I felt bored and not at all entertained at times, which is ironic considering the title of the book.

[Laura · Rating 3 out of 5]

Some of the illustrations in this slim book are a little dated, but this was an encouraging book. It would be great for someone with social anxiety, or who was very nervous about entertaining. The author gets a bit spiritual in her zeal, but there are several good, easy recipes and lots of ideas and recipes examples to learn from.

[Kelly · Rating 2 out of 5]

Some good tips.

Lots of sappy and/or theologically incorrect stuff that reminded me of the worst books we read back when I participated in women's ministry "Bible study" (where we never studied the Bible, ironically).

I wouldn't recommend this... There are better books on hospitality out there.

[Christina · Rating 5 out of 5]

The Reluctant Entertainer is not only filled with delicious, mouth-watering recipes, but it’s also rich with simple solutions in overcoming anxiety when it comes to opening your home and sharing heart-warming hospitality.

I have no idea what drew me to Sandy Coughlin’s book. Maybe it was the simple and cozy cover that invited me into its pages. Maybe it was the title, The Reluctant Entertainer.

I’m so reluctant at entertaining that my hopes were slim to none that Coughlin could help me. Surprisingly, thanks to Sandy Coughlin and her book, I now look for opportunities to share my hospitatlity, even if it is outside of my home.

“One of the main reasons we remain reluctant and isolated is that we have bought in to the thinking that perfection is required in order to be hospitable”.

I love how Sandy dispels this myth. In the course of reading this book I had several opportunities to entertain in my home. The first opportunity was unexpected. And as much as I wanted to turn my guests away, I couldn’t because I kept hearing Sandy’s words.

“The best way to impress others in your home is through genuine care and authenticity-something no killer centerpiece will ever do.”

Sandy brings comfort to the reluctant entertainer. She invites us in and shows us compassion. She shows us simple steps we can take to share hospitality. And she makes us believe, that even someone as reluctant as many of us are, we can be successful.

I highly recommend The Reluctant Entertainer for yourself and for that unique, perfect gift. It is a book every woman should have in her household.

By the way, I wanted to try one of Sandy’s recipes to see how my family would like it before I tried serving it anyone else. I chose her Slow Cooker Chicken, because it was something I could definitely adapt to my gluten-free diet. Her recipe is as follows:

Serves 8 to 10
3 lbs. boneless, skinless chicken breasts, seasoned with salt and pepper
2 cups mango salsa (any salsa works)

Spray inside of slow cooker with nonstick cooking spray. Place meat in the crock and cover with salsa. Cook on low 8 hours. Do not stir. Before serving, shred meat with two forks. Do not drain the chicken; it will absorb the juices.

The shredded meat can be used for taco, taco salad, or enchiladas. She even suggests that it can be used as burrito filler.

Before our family left for church, I tossed the chicken and the mango into the crockpot. I did forget to spray the sides. Also, I added about a cup of water. Why? Well, before I shredded the chicken I went ahead and drained a good portion of the liquid, along with a bit of chicken, into a mason jar to use as a soup base later in the week.

The slow cooker recipe was a big hit with my group of picky eaters.

[Mandy J. Hoffman · Rating 5 out of 5]

MY REVIEW:

Are you afraid or intimidated by the thought of entertaining? Or are you one who relishes in inviting people over for a casual dinner or party?

No matter who you are, what your style is, whether you are organized or not-so-organized, have children or not, this book is for YOU! It truly is as the subtitle says, every woman's guide to simple and gracious hospitality.

I love hospitality and have read a number of books on the subject and will still say that this one if one of my favorites. It is fun to look at - full of colorful photos - and a sweet mix of encouragement and practical help. The ideas Sandy shares will help you get started and keep you wanting to think of new ways to entertain. Over all this book is easy-to-read, enjoyable to browse, and a delight to any person who desires to entertain. And you don't want to miss these yummy - oh so wonderful looking - recipes! If for nothing else...buy the book for the recipes!

Enjoy the read!


BOOK OVERVIEW:

Faced with feelings of inadequacy or unrealistic expectations, most women never experience the joy of inviting others into their homes. But no more. Speaking candidly about her entertaining highs and lows, popular blogger and author Sandy Coughlin offers apprehensive hostesses genuine encouragement and practical tips for simple yet savvy entertaining.

Hospitality is not about perfection or complicated, expensive meals. It's about connecting deeply with others--all you need is an open door and an open heart.

* * * * *
This review copy was provided courtesy of Bethany House Publishers but the opinions expressed are my own.

[Elizabeth Johnson · Rating 4 out of 5]

Every Christian is called to be hospitable, but sometimes it can be hard to put that into practice. Sandy Coughlin does an excellent job at getting to the heart of the issue, which is that we want perfection in everything from decor and ambience, to food preparation and distribution, to conversation and connection, even our crazy schedules and seasons of life. Written in a friendly conversational style, this is a fast read with a lot of personal stories (especially of entertaining "mishaps"!) and practical tips for making entertaining a more regular part of life.

For instance, she suggests keeping an "entertainment record" on 3x5 cards (though I'm doing mine on a spreadsheet) with go-to meal ideas, a record of who's been served what, and any notes about unique challenges with either guests or meals (allergies, suggested sides, etc). Another idea she mentions is doing the "penny game" for creating conversation: hide pennies from different years under guests' plates or glasses, then ask them to share a significant personal event from that year. There's also a myriad of tasty-sounding recipes scattered throughout the book, although I have not tried any of them.

This definitely gave me a dose of courage to start having people over more often - and to be okay with my OWN unique hosting style, rather than trying to channel Martha Stewart or Pinterest or anyone else's unique style. I definitely plan to return to this book in the future... in fact, I may even keep it in on my cookbook shelf in the kitchen, so I'll remember its suggestions whenever I entertain!

[Christy Trever · Rating 5 out of 5]

The Reluctant Entertainer by Sandy Coughlin is a must-read for anyone who wants to host a party. Coughlin is an experienced hostess who spent years perfecting her technique of making people feel welcome in her home. She shares this advice with her readers, especially focusing on those who are perfectionists. Coughlin is always upbeat and encouraging, making the book read like an intimate conversation with a good friend. She includes several tried and true can't fail recipes, as well as formats for parties, and ideas for jump-starting good conversation. Coughlin also wants readers to extend their hospitality outside of just family and friends, as Jesus calls his followers to, and gives directions on how to set up providing meals for a sick or hurting family, teacher, or elderly neighbor. I am just the woman Coughlin has written the book for. I'm always nervous having people in my home, because I want everything to be just perfect, and if it isn't, I can't enjoy myself, but with Coughlin's book in my library, I'm having people over in just a few days, and I plan on incorporating her ideas immediately, especially her directive to relax. With it's beautiful color photos, terrific recipes, and conversational writing voice, this book would make a terrific housewarming, bridal shower, wedding, or any time gift.

[Lisa · Rating 4 out of 5]

I really enjoyed this book... when Dan and I first moved into our new house, we had people over frequently, however the energy it took to make everything perfect was overwhelming and the expectations I set on myself to have everything be PERFECT prevented me from becoming at ease with the process and truly enjoying it.

This book really opened my eyes to what hosting is truly about: serving others. It includes beneficial tips to help any hostess be more at ease with having others, including tips on decorating, recipes and conversation starters. It truly touches on all those fears I know I've had!

This book provided a true paradigm shift for me. I'm looking forward to having people over again, soon!

[Sarah · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book really just offers a lot of practical tips on entertaining, and it encourages women to open their homes and practice hospitality. The book is very pretty, and it has many interesting and beautiful recipes. There are several positive, encouraging "sound-bytes" I can glean from this book that combat joy-busters when it comes to having people into your home. Her second chapter addresses "joy-busters" and "joy-builders", and having had people in my home regularly for the past year, I'd say that chapter addresses the biggest lessons I learned early on in offering hospitality. Overall, it's a helpful little book that I will probably pull off the shelf from time to time to reference the recipes or maybe to be inspired by some new practical ideas.

[Katie · Rating 3 out of 5]

This was a good book. I loved the photos of home, food, and friends. I definitely has given me a few ideas for how to have people over. I don't think that I am necessarily a reluctant entertainer, but I would like to get back in the groove of things. This book focuses mostly on the important parts of hospitality (did your friends enjoy themselves, how do you set up a food rotation for someone who had surgery or a baby). It shares stories of how things go wrong. However, nothing is ever as dire as it seems. It goes into the very basics of how to have someone over (guest list, menu planning, etc), but it emphasizes more on keeping it simple and not being like Martha.

[Karyn · Rating 4 out of 5]

I'm really not the world's best entertainer. While we seem to have a lot of company, hospitality is an area I struggle with. I want things to be nice and perfect when people come over. Needless to say I tend to dread having people over for fear my "event" won't live up to their expectations. When in reality, my guests are probably okay with relaxed and imperfect. This book drives that point home. Enjoying people in our homes is the important thing to remember. Coughlin also suggest that guests perhaps even appreciate a bit of imperfection. I'm trying to believe that... :-)

If you happen to be a reluctant entertainer like me, this is a nice source of encouragement to keep at it.

[Stephanie · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book is a wealth of knowledge for someone who is reluctant to entertain friends for whatever reason. I'm more of an overachieving entertainer, so most of this book didn't apply to me. I did find comfort in the idea of simple entertaining. I tend to go overboard with multiple courses and fancy meals...it was nice to receive affirmation that now that I am in a busier season of life I can bring it down a notch without anyone judging me.

It is a quick read that will make you smile and nod when you see yourself in Coughlin's words.

[Amara · Rating 4 out of 5]

I borrowed this from the library and wish I owned it. I may have to scout out a used copy from amazon or something. This was just what I needed. Sometimes we shy away from having people over because our house isn't perfect, or our family isn't perfect, or our cooking isn't...well, you get the idea. The author gives tips on overcoming those fears and reluctances(even does the "parable of the parfaits" for my family members who remember Kira inventing that), tips for entertaining on a budget, and even gives what sound like some very good recipes.

[Stevie · Rating 3 out of 5]

Good book, I just didn't feel like it inspired me. It was really geared to women who struggle to entertain because they can't reach their mental level of perfection as the hostess. Since any time I entertain it's a low stress, low expectation kind of deal, it really didn't touch me in any exceptional sort of way. But, the easy recipes she included looked delish, so I'll definitely need to try those.

Recommend For: Anyone who struggles with perfectionism or hosting gatherings.

[Laura · Rating 3 out of 5]

My takeaway from this book was about conversation starters. I tend to feel OK with the rest of entertaining (cooking, cleaning, etc) but hadn't thought about being intentional about guiding conversation to make everyone feel included and to help conversation to go a bit deeper. I like the idea of having prepared conversation starters.

[Tyler · Rating 3 out of 5]

The most useful tip was to prepare food that you have made several times, so that you can focus less on cooking and more on enjoying the company of your guests. I did not try any of the recipes since none of them stood out to me.

[Susanna · Rating 4 out of 5]

My sister gave me this book recently. I think God's trying to tell me something about hospitality! :) This was a quick, light read that was personal and inspiring.

[Marcia · Rating 4 out of 5]

really helps change your attitude about entertaining and being hospitable. It's not about perfect anything but about how you're there for your guests. Beautiful glossy pages :)

[Janelle · Rating 4 out of 5]

Loved this light hearted book about simple entertaining and the importance of investing in people and relationships!

[Audrey · Rating 4 out of 5]

Absolutely must read if there is a desire to "entertain" but feel stressed and pressured to do just that: entertain.

[Margarida · Rating 1 out of 5]

This was really a waste of my money. I was hoping for more practical tips and receipes, not a self help book with cliches that are repeated in various formats to pad out a book.

[Amber · Rating 4 out of 5]

Inspiring, practical, simple, and helpful advice for entertaining at home. I really liked her discussion on how perfectionism has been confused with showing hospitality.

[Monique Marquardt · Rating 5 out of 5]

Loved this book. Really changed and relaxed the way I view entertaining.