From Fear to Love: Parenting Difficult Adopted Children

by B. Bryan Post

Provides new and highly effective techniques for parents dealing with behavioral challenges with their children. Intended for parents, adoptive parents, foster parents and caretakers of at-risk, ADD/ADHD/RAD,ODD, adopted children and children with behavioral and emotional challenges Bryan Post speaks to parents about the challenges they face when dealing with behaviors that are often present for adopted children. He helps parents understand the impact of early life trauma and the impact of interruptions in the attachment process. In his compassion for parents and children he offers hope and solutions for the challenges families face. Many parents of adopted children express their fear not only for their child s present behaviors, but for what will become of them in the future. Bryan's straightforward, clear-cut approach has created peace and healing for hundreds of families; families who once operated in fear, are now experiencing love.

Genres: Adoption, Parenting, Nonfiction, Self Help, Relationships, Psychology, Fostering

114 pages, Paperback

First published March 1, 2010

Reviews

[Kellyn · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a must read for any parent, caregiver, or professional that wants to help students who display significant behaviors as communication of their fear. A fast, easy, understandable read.

[Vicki · Rating 5 out of 5]

It's a quick, easy read & it is not meant to "dive deep" into the various topics discussed, but I do feel it is a book that should be in the hands of every foster and/or adoptive parent, regardless of where they are on their parenting journey. And once it's been read, it should be read again with a spouse, or a friend "in the trenches" or within a support group, so that deep dive can get started. I'm a bit surprised that it has taken me this long to discover the author & the resources he has available through The Post Institute, but thankful nonetheless.

I don't believe you have to agree on his perspective without question, but I do feel it should be read with an open mind, a willing heart heart & a good dose of humility. Even though you may not be at a place of challenge or difficulty with your child, trauma sneaks up on you (sometimes like a lead balloon falling on your head) & all of a sudden you will be underwater with no direction of what to do next.

Looking forward to learning more from Mr. Post.

[Elizabeth Ray · Rating 4 out of 5]

A lot of this was familiar, but I loved all the research behind it! Bryan is in the unique situation of having been adopted and being an adoptive father. This book does provide some strategies, but most of what it provides is understanding and compassion for your children.

[Katie · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great, great book - for ANYONE who is a parent (not just foster/adoptive parents). A must read - and recommend reading it more than 1 time.

[Cindy · Rating 5 out of 5]

A must-read for struggling foster/adoptive parents with challenging children. I will be recommending this in all of my trauma-informed parenting classes from now on.

[Lynn Smith · Rating 5 out of 5]

Every foster and adoptive parent should read this book. I really wish I'd read this book several years ago when we adopted our first son. While we didn't have the same struggles with him as we've had (and are having) with our second adoptive son, the tools here are invaluable. No matter the circumstance or timing a child enters foster care or is adopted, they have experienced trauma and you really can't parent them like a normal child. This book isn't very long (just over 100 pages) but it gives so much practical advice which is easy to read and understand. I can see myself re-reading parts of this over and over. Some of the things are very hard to grasp because they go counter to the way we were parented or taught to parent. But just the little bit of time my wife and I have been implementing some of the techniques (and we have a LONG way to go), I can see improvements, both in my son and also in myself and my wife. What not long ago felt like an almost hopeless situation has turned into a much more manageable situation. I highly recommend this book and any others by this author.

[Jenn Caeton · Rating 5 out of 5]

5 ⭐️’s on 🎧

This book is short, effective, and has actual strategies you can turn around and implement right away. I love that the author has lived experience through multiple avenues that make him qualified to speak on parenting children who have experienced trauma. I own the paperback but it’s been hard for me to read physical books lately due to time. I grabbed this on audible because it was very inexpensive and knocked it out in two listens while walking. I’m going to go back and read through the physical book again soon. This book is worth owning and referring back to. The audio is narrated by the author and his voice is super passionate so it sounds like you’re getting a real life, compassionate talking-to from a trusted coach.

[Traci Minor · Rating 5 out of 5]

Lying, stealing, cheating, encopresis, enuresis, severe anxiety…I have dealt with it all. But this was the first book that taught me how to stop looking at those things as the problem & address the fear in my own heart that was causing me to exacerbate it all. In addition to explaining the brain science behind the behavior, Bryan is able to give practical steps and even things to say when you are in the midst of what can feel like madness. This book is a must read for any adoptive family. But honestly, I think it could help any parent.

[Maria · Rating 4 out of 5]

Brilliant! Some stuff seems a bit old now (according to my understanding of lately-published similar books) but I can’t be sure.

I loved it so much, still. Even with all the God references. I feel like if you’re a Christian/believe in God, you will love it. If you’re atheist but you’re not allergic to a few God references, then you won’t mind them.

Loved it and I will read it again and again.

[Emily · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a super short yet amazing guide for any kind of parent who has a child that may've experienced trauma. I love how short it is because you can go back and reference it at any time. I also loved reading it as a family therapist that works with adopted children so I can help my families learn. Definitely recommend!

[Kari Vargas · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book changed my approach to my daughter. I had been doing what I thought was best but not what was best for her. Bryan Post's experience, examples, and humor make it a quick, easy and very useful read. Highly recommended for any adoptive parent!

[Jose · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is full of so much practical knowledge and advice. I took a long time to finish it as i would pause after each practical tip, and take about a week trying to put it into practice. This was a great resource.

[Mark · Rating 5 out of 5]

Bryan knows his stuff inside and out. A necessary read for anyone dealing with kids who’ve suffered and continue to suffer from Trauma.

[Nicoleta · Rating 5 out of 5]

One of my very favorite book!

[Zach · Rating 4 out of 5]

It is like a slimmed down version of Post’s Great Behavior Breakdown. Great starting point for parents, simple, effective, and easily digestible.

[Ashley Marie Fields · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book has helped me understand and help my stepdaughter so much and can be applied to my other children as well!

[Viera Bosáková · Rating 5 out of 5]

Moje liecebacke srdce plesa. Dla mna pristup pouzitelny pri vsetkych detoch ❤️

[Mary Ellen · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is an excellent resource for adoptive, foster and kinship parents. I would highly recommend it. It’s a quick read packed full of good information.

[Shawn Remfrey]

Being a single mom of a child with special needs has it's difficulties. I've read mountains of books in search of answer to make things easier for both of us. That's right. I said 'mountains'. That may be a slight exaggeration, but it's slight. I want my child to feel safety and comfort because I love him. I'm not alone in this. Most parents feel that way. When you have a child that has autism, brain damage, rage issues, control issues or trauma, it can be difficult to figure out how to proceed with your child. When you adopt a child, you have no idea exactly what issues you're going to be facing until you face them. Although this book is geared towards parents of adopted children, I strongly urge every single parent to go buy this book. Most of the behaviors described in this book are not only found in adopted children. (I know you know that, Bryan! I'm just sayin!) Not only does this book explore how to handle the issues we have with our children, Bryan goes into detail to explain why these things occur. Through reading this book, we gain a better understanding of how our children work, how we work, and how we can work together to build a stronger family.

I love the way this book is put together. Honestly, it's the best parenting handbook I've seen for someone with a child that has difficult behaviors. Reading it through the first time, you gain a basic understanding for the principles based in the book. It's a lot like being at an inspirational seminar where you have a charismatic man urging you to find your parenting potential and reach it. Bryan is a cross between Emeril and the Shamwow guy. Well, in writing mannerisms he is. Add to that a genuine concern for families and it makes this book just amazing to read through. After the initial read, go back and reread the chapters that pertain to you. Underline behaviors and triggers that you find that are pertinent to your relationship with your child. Even if you aren't into reading, this book is a must have. Each chapter has a section over-viewing the key concepts of that chapter. If you just go through and read those key concepts, you'll gain a new understanding of your relationship with your child.

Again, I know this book is geared towards adopted children and families. If you are thinking of adopting a child, please read this book. If you have adopted a child, please read this book. If you yourself have been adopted, please read this book. If you're a parent and have nothing to do with adoption in any manner, please read this book. A greater understanding of our children and how to handle them can only help.

[Erika · Rating 4 out of 5]

EXCELLENT book for any foster or adoptive parent. There is so much important information in here that is biological and developmentally accurate. This will certainly be a recommendation for many of the caregivers I work with. The author is very well educated, experienced, and creative. My only two concerns are with his statement regarding young people who cut themselves. The first is that he asserted that the majority of these individuals have borderline personality disorder. NOT TRUE! Do not believe this, caregivers! The second is that he forgot one big reason why some people cut themselves. There are two major reasons, which are polar opposites that serve different functions. The first is two help numb the emotional pain by creating physical pain. The second is to feel the physical pain when they are feeling too numb. Other than those little disagreements, I was thoroughly impressed by the book and can't wait to get my own copy for professional use.

[Babs · Rating 4 out of 5]

I am so glad I received this book to review as my 3 boys are adopted and they are half brothers to each other. My boys are 11 months, 7 and 13 years old. I can relate to 90% if this book from the lying, defiance to aggression along with their ADHD that runs in their birth family. I have gone through these issues and this book really helps make things easier on the parents. You feel so much love for them even when they turn away you can not back down and threaten to send them back that is the last thing they want to hear. You never know how many foster families they have had to go through before coming to you and adopted them. I can say for my 13 year old he was in 6, my 7 year old 3 and my 11 month old thank goodness 1 family before we got him at 5 months. This book is a god send and so happy to have it.

[Leigh Ann · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book is good for anyone who has adopted, especially out of a foster care/trauma situation. It's a very
quick read and does not give you all the answers, he keeps it short and that is his purpose, but it defines some of the problems adoptees struggle through. The two points I took away is when you have a child struggling with anger, that is not the primary emotion, but fear. The other thing that I found VERY interesting and the best part of the book for me was all the info on the neonatal bonding with the mom and how even a child adopted at birth or soon after with no trauma, still has loss and how that affects him/her. Well worth the read, but I wish he'd gone further with it. An easy quick read though, you don't get bogged down like some books of this type.

[Cassandra · Rating 4 out of 5]

I loved reading this book and will be buying a copy to read it more slowly. (I had to cram it into two days' reading because it was due back at the library...) The biggest takeaway was that there are two main emotions from which all others stem - love and fear. I'm not yet certain that I accept this viewpoint, but it's one that my husband and I have been discussing a LOT over the past few days. This book seems like a great start to some of the issues that can be faced with challenging children. I'm looking forward to owning my own copy so that I can study it more in depth.

[Annell · Rating 4 out of 5]

What a great read and it hit so close to home. This is not just for adopted children but a great reminder for all kiddos.

I had way too many quotes that I highlighted in this book, but my favorites include:

"God did not place your adopted child into your life for you to mold him the way you think he should be, but rather to protect, guide, and encourage him as God molds him into what God wants him to be."

"Remember that action without understanding only leads you back to darkness."

"Home is where healing happens."

[Jessica · Rating 3 out of 5]

I would say that this is a good starter book, or a good reminder book. I read it in a few hours. It's really short, and although the author says that he intends for his books to be short and readable, I think he could have packed more in to the space. This might be a good book to give family that is interested in learning a bit more.

[Bryan Post · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a primer that should be read every year by any adoptive/foster parent. This simple parenting approach can be the opening to a uniquely different and truly love based method that will bring peace to you and your family and be a healing balm for your child.

[Jessica · Rating 5 out of 5]

Amazing! I absolutely recommend this book for everyone to understand clearly a child's and parent's perception of the world. A quick read, written in a way that is easily understood and that is incredibly valuable for parents and professionals.

[Ryan Wilson · Rating 4 out of 5]

A good introduction to some of the physiological reasons for the behavior and development of adopted children, and those who have experienced trauma in general.

[Kel · Rating 3 out of 5]

Very short chapters with long summaries
Not as "deep" as I think books like this should be, but maybe a good starter for someone trying to understand a difficult parenting experience

[Jennifer Brown · Rating 5 out of 5]

A must read for all adoptive and foster parents.