Minu Amy

by Tyler James

Peale Amy Winehouse’i enda teab vaid üks inimene, mis Amyga päriselt juhtus. See on Tyler James, Amy parim sõber alates 13. eluaastast. Need kaks ebakindlat loomingulist noort kohtusid teatrikoolis, tundsid teineteises ära hingesugulase ning elasid koos juba hilisest teismeeast. Ja seda seni, kuni Amy 27-aastaselt suri.

„Kui kaotasin oma Amy, siis teadsin, et pean seda ühel päeval tegema – rääkima loo elust ja seikadest, millest pole seni avalikult räägitud. Tundsin algusest peale, et pean tema eest hoolitsema, ning jäin lõpuni tema kõrvale. Amy paljastas laulude kaudu oma hinge, ometi ei saanud maailm teada, kes oli Amy päriselt ja mis talle elus korda läks. Kuna tema ise oma lugu enam rääkida ei saa, olen mina ainus, kes saab. See on üks väheseid asju, mida mul on tema heaks veel teha võimalik.“

Tyler püsis alati vankumatult Amy kõrval: nii muretutel turneepäevil kui ka viis Grammyt võitnud albumi „Back to Black“ sünnitusvalude juures – Amy kirjutas muusikat nende ühise kodu köögipõrandal. Tyler oli tunnistajaks Amy heitlikule abielule Blake Fielder-Civiliga, sõltuvuste süvenemisele, enesevigastamisele ja söömishäiretele. Ta nägi, kuidas liiga suureks paisunud kuulsus Amy igapäevaelu mõjutas. Kolmel viimasel aastal veetis Tyler peaaegu kõik päevad koos Amyga – lauljanna oli saanud jagu uimastisõltuvusest ja kohe-kohe võitmas ka lahingut alkoholiga. Vaid Tyler tundis tõelist Amy Winehouse’i, kellest kõmulehtede lugejad vaevu aimu said – lõbusat ja kompromissitut loodusjõudu, kes hindas lihtsat elu ja armastas teiste eest hoolt kanda.

Kirjutatud üdini ausalt, on „Minu Amy“ südamlik portree murdumatust eluaegsest sõprusest ning südantlõhestav sissevaade sõltlaste, kuulsuse ja enesekahjustamise maailma.

Genres: Nonfiction, Biography, Music, Memoir, Audiobook, Celebrity, Biography Memoir

320 pages, Hardcover

Published September 12, 2022

Reviews

[GTF · Rating 4 out of 5]

This memoir details Amy's whirlwind introduction to the music industry that was filled with soaring highs and catastrophic lows. While Tyler James has a fascinating story to tell in this book, the quality of his writing wavers at points, particularly in the beginning where the narrative lacks steadiness and where there's an excess of colloquial language and phrasing that should only be used in spoken language. However, the writing becomes clearer and better paced as the memoir progresses.

Overall, this book gives an insightful account on the extraordinary life and career of Amy Winehouse.

[Seymour Glass · Rating 4 out of 5]

I thought 'who are you anyway? My friend is a ridiculously talented person who has these amazing opportunities, she loves you, and you're bringing your riffraff self into these magical moments you're privileged to even get near.' I wanted to say to her, 'Amy, who the fuck does your boyfriend think he is?' To which she probably would have replied 'my husband.'

This is the 'Fuck Blake' book and I am here for it.

I can't seem to resist any first-person narrative from someone who was close to Amy. I think this is the 3rd one I've read; Mitch and Janis' being the other two. Mitch's was self-pitying and defensive, Janis' was warm and loving. This one is a lot more brutal and honest, in the way that only a best friend could be. It's 10 years since Amy died and it's so bizarre to think that she'd be 37 if she were still here. Would Amy have fulfilled her dream of having kids? Would she have continued making music? I wish we could've heard more from her.

I remember hearing 'Best For Me', Amy and Tyler's song they did together, and thinking that he had a nice, poppy voice but Amy's blew him out of the water. Interesting to note that they never actually dated! Amy would always refer to him as her boyfriend in interviews but he said here that she just liked making stuff up to tell journalists.
Tyler comes across as sweet and naive, but sometimes oddly arrogant, and self-aggrandising. He seems at pains to point out how he was there at all the crucial moments in Amy's career and introduced her to a lot of people who she later collaborated with, and I suppose we should acknowledge him for this. He was the one who pushed Amy to make the demo tape that got her signed with Nick Shymansky. Nick, I think, is the only other man who was close to Amy who really had her best interests at heart, rather than his own. Hearing about how Raye, her second manager, mistreated her and worked her to the bone after she fired Nick for trying to make her go to rehab was horrible. Raye should never have been her manager - he, like so many of the people around Amy, didn't actually care about her as a person and only wanted to get what he could from her. Bloodsuckers, the lot of them.

Speaking of bloodsuckers, this book comes down hard on the villain in everyone's minds - Blake. I knew he was a piece of shit but I didn't know he hit her. It's heartbreaking to read that he punched her in the mouth on her birthday because she wanted to go out and see her friends and he didn't want her to. He was truly an abusive, controlling man, and what's sad is that Amy herself could see it. She openly admitted to Tyler that Blake controlled her and used her for her money. But publicly, she was always talking about how wonderful and loving and misunderstood he was. It's bittersweet to finally get confirmation that he was actually the bastard everyone thought he was all along. He did some real low-life shit that Amy's fans didn't know about which Tyler lays out in the book - stole money from Prince (yes, the Artist Formerly Known As!), stopped Amy from going to make the video for 'Love Is A Losing Game' because he wanted to stay home doing drugs, and physically and mentally abused her behind closed doors.
Blake disappears from the narrative after he goes to prison and it's interesting to note that Amy does seem to move on from him quite well, making the connection that drugs and unhealthy behaviours were what kept them together rather than love. The wrong one died.

Obviously, as Tyler wrote this himself, it's hard to know how much of it is objective fact and how much is just his version of events. He spent plenty of time off his head on coke and booze (though he did get sober in 2009 and has remained so) and that has almost certainly coloured his perception of events. But he's a compelling narrator, endlessly loving and compassionate towards Amy, and treats her with genuine care. I liked that he said he didn't believe in the relationship with Reg Traviss - I never liked Reg, he seemed like a slimy user just close to Amy for the publicity. The fact that she asked him if he thought she should go to rehab for alcohol abuse and he said 'I don't know, if you think so?' is heartbreaking. She was clearly looking for a father figure and for someone to take her in hand and say 'enough'. Tyler did this many times himself and it seemed he was close to getting her all the way there just before the tragic end. 
Mitch does not come off well in this book either, and frankly I've had enough of him peddling the story that he was always there for her. We've all seen how neglectful he was when she was trying to get better - bringing that Channel 5 TV crew to make a documentary about her in St Lucia when she needed him to be there for her as a father. He's a selfish egomaniac, and I've no doubt that his neglect of Amy contributed to her death. 

Mitch's TV appearances started really winding Amy up. "Why's my Dad always on TV? Why's he talking about my addictions when he doesn't talk to ME about my addictions? Why doesn't he talk to me about my problems instead of going on every fucking eggy brekkie chat show and running his mouth to every newspaper that will have him? He's mugging himself and he's mugging me. You ducked out of my life, Dad. And now you're off with your album, trying to be a superstar." The way he behaved had a huge impact on her.

I've always had my doubts that Amy had quite the bond with Mitch that she claimed to have - he never really seemed to take great care of her and pushed her out of the way to get into the spotlight. Him pushing her to do work commitments because they would make a lot of money when she was trying to get sober is very damning. She'd say "I don't want to do a gig, I want to get sober" (she couldn't get onstage without a drink towards the end) and he'd say "but it's 6 million quid, Amy!". What kind of father puts money before his daughter's health? I hate that we're now seeing the same thing happening to Britney Spears.

I'm grateful to Tyler for writing his version of events, as he really was by her side for so long and had a unique insight into her life and her troubles. It confirmed a lot of suspicions and feelings I've always had about Amy's story; that her father walking out when she was small is what crushed her mental health, that Blake was a user who married her for money and played off her insecurity to control her, that the industry people around her didn't take proper care of her during her addiction, that Reg didn't care about her at all, and that the little gasp she did at the Grammys was fake! It also gave me a lot of information I didn't have before which is irresistible for any die-hard fan.

I want to live in the alternate universe where Amy marries Tyler instead of Blake and gets to be just a normal jazz singer, rather than the international juggernaut she became. I think she could've had a much happier, healthier life with Tyler. Just like in their duet, he really saw what was best for her, and tried so hard to make it happen.
I still miss her all the time.

[Zoe · Rating 4 out of 5]

Raw, genuine, and affecting!

My Amy: The Life We Shared is a heartwrenching, touching memoir that takes you into the life of Tyler James and the special, somewhat dependent relationship between his best friend, famous jazz singer, Amy Winehouse and himself from the moment they met in their early teens at the Sylvia Young Theatre School until her tragic death in 2011.

The prose is emotional and sincere. And the novel is a poignant tale of one men’s personal struggles and experiences loving, supporting, and caring for an extremely talented friend tortured by demons and lost in a demanding world that took her soul and freedom, and left her struggling to cope in a toxic environment rife with drugs, addiction, eating disorders, public scrutiny, alcohol abuse, and parasitic relationships.

Overall, My Amy: The Life We Shared is a candid, heartfelt, informative tale by James that reminds us that loving someone means loving them for the good, the bad, and the ugly, and highlights that fame is not always fortunate, and sometimes being surrounded by many can actually be the loneliest existence of all.

Thank you to PGC Books for providing me with a copy in exchange for an honest review.

[lucinda · Rating 4 out of 5]

4.5 stars - I've read quite a few books about Amy Winehouse over the years, I've always loved her voice and her authenticity as an artist. This book hit me differently though, perhaps given I listened to the audiobook narrated by Tyler himself - his grief and heartbreak is incredibly raw and it's clear through his voice and narration that his love for Amy and their friendship could never dull over time. She's a complex figure, as most artists are, and this book showcases the brutal realities of addiction and self-destruction in both Tyler and Amy's lives. There's so many thoughts that I have on Amy, this book and the ongoing mythology surrounding her life and the personality of 'Amy Winehouse' - but for now, I'll just say this:

It seems like everyone is constantly releasing 'their side of the story' of life with Amy and having the opportunity to share their memories of her. The tragedy is that Amy herself will never have that opportunity to voice her own story and perspective with the world - not that I think she would have, in any way, entertained the idea of a 'tell-all' book; I'm 95% certain she would have called it a piss-take or called out anyone who suggested the idea for being a mug. Tyler makes it clear time and time again that she wanted a normal life and to grow old with her friends and have a family, whilst continuing to write songs and music. We had such a brief window of insight into her life and what she had experienced with the lyrics in her first two albums, and it's a window we will never have again.

10 years later and I still can't shake the hold Amy's story has over me; not for the tabloid personality and media circus that she became unfairly known for, and not for the countless recounts of personal histories from her friends and family (or the number of people who have wanted to capitalise on her popularity for monetary gain) - but for her music and the way she makes you feel a little less alone in the world when you listen to those vocals and the stories she gave us in the short time she was here.

So while I'm grateful to people like Tyler for sharing these stories so that Amy continues to live on in collective, shared memory, it's also bittersweet. Even if she'd never written another damn song, she still had so much life left to live. Although I never knew Amy, nor could I ever claim to understand the pain of her friends' and family's loss, I miss her. And after listening to Tyler's book, I know with painful certainty that there will never be another person or talent quite like her.

[Abby · Rating 5 out of 5]

Raw is a word that can get overused when describing memoirs or autobiographies. Not in this case. This book is drenched in grief and love in equal measure. The authors voice was strong throughout and it was an intense read at times. One of the best books I’ve read in a long time and gives you a different understanding of Amy throughout key moments of her life.

[liz · Rating 5 out of 5]

i bought this book randomly after noticing it at a bookstore. i have never read books about Amy Winehouse but wanted to, so this is my first one. i then checked the reviews on goodreads and felt that it was too weird that most of them had been five stars. however, after finishing it, i am giving it five stars myself.

it is emotional, honest and tragic. i believe Tyler James. it does indeed feel that he loves Amy so much but at the same time he is being realistic by realising that it had been difficult for him to take care of her. the book might not be amazing from a literary point of view, but the story and message are extremely valuable. i also cried and i rarely do so while reading a book. therefore, this is a 5 star from me.

[Beth Law · Rating 2 out of 5]

Can’t help but feel Tyler has exploited Amy’s memory and painted himself as a single handed hero who was the only person who kept her alive. For me he’s only written this for money, not in memory of Amy. Sharing far too much of what isn’t his to share. Written in poor taste

[Joanne Eglon · Rating 5 out of 5]

5 ⭐

Loved this memoir about Tyler's life with Amy.

The writing just flowed and I just wanted to keep reading.

Written in a way which was heartfelt and believable.

Would highly recommend, especially if you're a big Amy Winehouse fan like me 😊

[Rachael Haley · Rating 4 out of 5]

I really enjoyed this book, told me Amy's best friend, Tyler James. Such a raw and honest look into the life that they shared. What a tragic story of a young woman who just wanted to be happy.

[imaan]

i know tyler james got into shit for writing this book but i think it was really brave of him and that his honesty really made for a great book. i can't say i knew much about amy before reading this other than the stuff everyone knows about her, and it's not great stuff. i feel incredibly sad for her, she was such an ordinary person while being so unusual at the same time. she was always gonna be famous because of her incredible voice and her unique style and character but being famous was never for her. at the end of the day she was a young girl who has self image issues and mental health issues and a deep desire to be loved and it's so unfortunate that she fell in love with someone who fell in love with her money and even after falling into hard drugs and everything, nobody helped her. i feel so sad for tyler he was there for her more than anyone else and i think him not blaming blake or her father for her death and being able to sympathize with them and see them as complex human beings was really respectable. his writing was incredible and what he remembered about her showed how deep and genuine his love for her was and im gonna think of this book everytime i hear her incredible voice from now on.

[Polly March · Rating 4 out of 5]

I now had a mantra.

“So, if you’re telling me you need alcohol to be ‘Amy Winehouse’ then you can’t be ‘Amy Winehouse’ anymore! It’s better to live being Amy than die being ‘Amy Winehouse.’”

Her response was the same every time: “T, I’m not going anywhere.”

Okay, my love for Amy Winehouse knows no bounds, so buckle up for a long, drawn out “review” (which is more just a commentary on the most notable sections of this book!)

Tyler and Amy met at the prestigious Sylvia Young stage school as teenagers when he was just 14 and she 13. Both utterly obsessed with music and on the fringes of their all singing, all dancing performing arts school, Tyler writes: “Our friendship blossomed instantly, not only fuelled by music but a deeper connection: we were both fucked-up teenagers and we saw that in each other. We were depressed, anxious, insecure.” From their initial meeting grew an inseparable bond that stood the undulating tests of fame, addiction, self-destruction and an unforgiving obsession with the downfall of the celebrity in early noughties pop culture.

Having read both Amy’s Mum and Dad’s books detailing their relationship with her, I was really excited to pick up an account that would hopefully offer a fresh insight. I found both her parents' accounts to be quite different, and definitely preferred Janis’s honest narrative to Mitch’s quite self centred telling of Amy’s life – but I was looking forward to reading about her from a friend's perspective. Surely, this would offer a less biased, more nuanced account of her life and the reality of what was going on behind the scenes?

Unfortunately, I felt like this book fell a little short. Much like Mitch’s account, there were pages and passages of writing that felt really repetitive, whereas other aspects or insights that I was expecting more of were completely missed out. I think this is partly the nature of being an addict; for the last few years of her life she was clearly in a vicious cycle of relapsing and repeating self-destructive patterns that, actually, not much life to speak of was lived at all. That made me feel deeply sad, and I was surprised by how depressing I found this book. In fairness to Tyler I have also read, watched and devoured everything the world – (read: unsolicited internet) - can offer on Amy Winehouse, so my disappointment in not finding anything particularly revealing is partly to do with my own obsession with the singer.

However, I did find echoes from both the aforementioned written accounts of her life which solidified this perception I had of her in her last years. An example of this is, much like when Janis had said Amy struggled to find herself and would adopt other people’s characters, Tyler also noted this and how when she was in St Lucia, he was confused as to why she was now speaking with a heavy, Caribbean accent.

He also writes that as she would sober up and get further away from the drug induced haze that was the Back to Black era, she would appear even more lost; like the last few years had happened to someone else but catapulted her to this place she didn’t know how to be in. This sense of confusion and loss also meant that she hadn’t really experienced fame the first time it came around; she was too out of it. Now she had no idea how to follow it up, and without the option of just taking time out to recover, she was in a constant state of pressure from vulturous management.

She was a dynamic, talented, hilarious woman who loved her freedom and independence, yet she got to the end of her life at a premature 27 years old with live-in security, unable to even go to the shops on her own with simple tasks like this becoming a novelty. It’s just so heart-breaking.

I was perhaps most surprised by how little Blake got a mention – but then I also found this with both her parents' books. Perhaps this was deliberate from those close to her, to keep his name out of her world and focus on who she was as a woman singular from the relationship that came to define her. I was shocked, however, to read that Blake had been physically abusive to Amy and she had suspected him of leaking stories to the press, even at the height of her love for him. This really shattered me – that after all they went through, this heady, tumultuous love affair was really just that: toxic. Equally, I was so sad to hear that Tyler didn’t really buy into Reg, her boyfriend at the time of her death and the man Mitch had always toted as her future husband and father to her children (I always found that a little disconcerting, given the public nature of her relationship with Blake.) Tyler said he felt Reg found Amy uncomfortable to be around, and Amy was only really with him to get back onto the dating scene. She deserved so much better from the men around her.

I was also disgruntled that her first time taking heroin or crack was sort of glossed over. Of course, the instances she was high and using are detailed throughout, but I couldn’t help thinking that this pivotal moment in her life would have received more of a reflection in his account – but then again, it became such a fixture within all of their lives, I can imagine the timelines would blur and it had taken a hold before they really had any idea.

I appreciated that, as a recovering alcoholic himself, Tyler wrote this not just from the perspective of a friend, but also as an ex-addict. I really felt the empathy pour through as he detailed what life is like on both sides of the coin. He argues that Amy’s demise was never inevitable, but there truly is no rhyme or reason as to who can beat it, and as to who can’t. He also remained honest throughout that he felt bitterness and resentment towards her; as the one who first got her signed to his label, she was living every artist's dream and yet sabotaging it at every moment, whilst he had watched his dreams escape him. He has clearly lived with a lot of trauma himself, and I commend him for waiting to write this book.

Ultimately, I reached the end of Tyler’s story and still had tears in my eyes. I loved Amy. We all did. And it’s clear that Tyler really, really tried to save her. I can’t imagine the guilt and heartbreak he continues to battle without his soulmate by his side. This book really shines a light on how self-destructive Amy became, and it is apparent how riddled with self-loathing she was over the years. It was this self-hate that perpetuated the same toxic cycle of self harm, drug abuse, alcoholism and sabotage that ultimately led to her death, no matter how many times she had gotten clean.

A concluding statement he made really stayed with me in its simplicity and heartbreak, and I wish this was the version of Amy that survived and lived on:

Amy was definitely someone who should never have been mainstream famous, who should’ve done a few small gigs a year, in places like the Jazz Café in Camden, while living a low-key, comfortable life. And she would’ve become a mother, which she always wanted to be. And her kids would’ve been her ultimate masterpiece.

Love you always, Amy!

3.5 stars

[Carrie-Jennifer Simpson · Rating 2 out of 5]

I felt that this book was written as a sort of 'look at me' book. The author had so many opportunities to not be selfish about everything he did to support his friend through a horrendous addiction but instead this book felt whiny. Amy Winehouse was failed by everyone around her.

[Natália · Rating 5 out of 5]

Reading this book broke my heart all over again. Genuine insight into the various parts of Amy’s life (not just the drugs which the media held onto) and how those who should have looked after her ultimately failed her. Did feel like Tyler James was painting himself as a bit of a hero, but he didn’t sugar coat anything. He clearly loved her dearly! Read this after the film was released and I do think that she should be left to rest, this fame destroyed her life!!

[KJ · Rating 5 out of 5]

Truth unraveled. Shocking and heartbreaking. Absolutely amazing piece. Worth every minute. Strongly recommend.

[Kaya · Rating 5 out of 5]

bawled my eyes out through most of this book and wouldn't change a thing, I miss and love you so much Amy

[Bec · Rating 4 out of 5]

“T, I spent about 509 grand on drugs, it’s a mug’s game, I could’ve brought. A house”

This novel comes out in the lead up to the tenth anniversary of Amy’s death. Such a harsh yet honest account of downfall of Amy’s life, love and her addictions. Tyler met Amy at the age of thirteen at stage school and the twin bonded instantly over being outcasts.

Tyler lived with Amy on and off over the years and right up until the day she died. He was there though every addiction, every heartbreak, every overdose every rehab trip and every Grammy. The trips to St Louis and bailing on tour we see Amy love for drugs, liquor and self sabotage slowly kill her. James gets clean and falls off the wagon just as much.

I am a huge fan of Amy’s and when I saw this book knew I had to read it. This is such a bittersweet story.

[Steph Hall · Rating 3 out of 5]

Not the best quality of writing but a heartbreaking and brutally real account of both his and Amy Winehouse’s addictions. Felt I should read it after seeing the film, which reviews slated and said had left a lot out. Such a tragic loss, addiction is such a cruel disease

[Julia · Rating 4 out of 5]

“I miss her. I miss her so much. I love her. She’s my girl, she will always be my girl. And despite all of the madness and the trauma she put me through, I still love the bones of her. I just do. And I’m so grateful, I am so grateful, to have known that little nutter. Because no one knew her like I did. I am the luckiest boy in the world.”

My Amy by Tyler James is a well-written page turner that gives an intimate and depressing glimpse into life with Amy Winehouse, from the beginning of her stardom to her untimely passing. My biggest problem is that it focused maybe too much on her struggles with drugs and her downfalls — but I guess that’s what everyone wants to hear — and not very much on her good side until the very end. Amy was an intricate and humble person; she was more than a drug addict and a public persona. At points, this book felt exploitive, but I really hope that’s not what Tyler was going for. This is a heartbreaking read.

[Liisi Viljalo · Rating 3 out of 5]

Oleksin soovinud rohkem lugeda maailmakuulsa laulja elulugu (kuigi veidi oli avatud küll ka tema tausta ja kujunemislugu), kuid minu jaoks oli antud raamat hoopis kahe alkohooliku ja narkomaani päevaraamat. Joomisest, narkotarbimisest, enesevigastamisest ja ebastabiilsest käitumisest sain lugedeski üledoosi. On üldse hämmastav, kuidas Amy sellise elustiili juures muusikat suutis kirjutada ja veidi ka esineda.. Liialt palju jutustas raamat autori enda elustiilist ja tarbimistest, lisaks häiris väga tema ebastabiilsus ja labiilne olek.

[Lexy · Rating 4 out of 5]

Such a personal book. Must have been difficult for Tyler to write. It almost felt like part of his therapy. Very interesting read but slightly uncomfortable at places as it felt like we were almost told too much.

Sad tale but gave a real insight into addiction and how it takes hold

[iz · Rating 5 out of 5]

this book BROKE me i am now crying in my bed at 1am 💪

[Sean · Rating 5 out of 5]

My Amy is an intimate, deeply moving, and emotionally charged memoir that is both heartbreaking and tragic, but also lighthearted and funny at certain parts. Tyler introduces us to a side of Amy that we never got to know in this book, and I believe he captured her essence well throughout.

Tyler talks in depth about all the years he and Amy spent together, covering everything from their first meeting at the Sylvia Young Theatre School and their nights spent at each other's childhood homes to later in life when they travelled the world and lived in flats together in Camden. Tyler shared that he felt an immediate pull to take care of Amy when they first met, and was seemingly always by her side. He was the only one who stuck with her through every high and low in her life, including her biggest successes and wins in the music industry, to her struggles with anorexia, bulimia, self harm, and addiction. Tyler was also there through her tumultuous relationship and marriage to heroin addict, Blake Fielder-Civil, which he talks about in the book.

It was interesting to learn more about Tyler as a person from the book, since I didn’t really know anything about him. He shares what it was like for him growing up in a working class family and living in a council house in East London with a bipolar dad and a mum who struggled financially. He talks about his time at Sylvia Young and his own work as an artist, back when he travelled the world as a singer-songwriter under Simon Fuller's management. Tyler is also vulnerable in sharing a violent attack that temporarily put him in a wheelchair and led to his addiction to painkillers, and eventually alcohol.

This book was an authentic look into the life of Amy Winehouse. If you were a fan of Amy's then I recommend checking this one out.

Avocado Diaries

[Iris · Rating 3 out of 5]

My Amy
Author: Tyler James

Warning! This book review is not suitable for for the younger audience to read.

The whole world was shocked when the queen of Jazz Amy Winehouse passed away at the age of 27.

Her best friend wanted to clarify once and for all what kind of person Amy really was. In his book he describes how he and Amy met each other. What their childhoods where like and how they where always by each other sides.

According to Tyler, Amy never dreamed of a life in the spotlight and hated all the media attention. She would often tell him that she felt caged and that she didn't liked being Amy Whinehouse. Her breakthrough actually meant her personal breakdown.

Paparazzi was living in front of their house in tents. I can't even imagine how a life like that must have been for them.

Tyler describes all the beautiful memories they shared together, but also all the traumatizing events he had to withstand because of Amy's cocaine and alcohol addiction.

Personally, I think he sometimes goes into too much detail. For example, he describes how he often found her covered in blood because she was self-harming. How he once saved her life after she nearly choked to death from a cocaine overdose and many other horrific events.

He also talks a lot about his own addictions and how Amy saved his life once.

I listened to the audiobook which was narrated by Tyler himself. You can hear the pain in his voice at certain moments.

I would like to warn future readers about the many trigger warnings this book contains. Have you dealt with addictions yourself? Lost a loved one to an addiction? Have you dealt with depression, insecurities about your appearance and self-harm? Have you had or have thoughts about death or everything related to it? If you identify with any of these questions, you would be better off not reading this book.

[Grada (BoekenTrol) · Rating 4 out of 5]

When I put this book on my reading list, I didn't really know what to expect. But I certainly didn't expect a roller coaster ride of a book, that made me angry, sad, furious. It was at times unbelievable even.

To put this in front of everything else: I heard about Amy Winehouse. Who hasn't? But spart from a song I heard here or there I am not familiar with her music. I didn't follow her, being a celebrity. Around the time she became famous I was into children's songs and children's tv programs, so almost all the gossip and stories went past me.
As a result, I started this book rather blank in terms of knowledge.

And boy, did it shock me!
Of course I have read (auto)biographies of or about other famous persons. So the tendency of fame, destroying a big chunk of the famous person's life, I know.
To read in these raw words what fame, feeling responsible for other people, drinking, drug use, insecurity and masking did to Amy made me feel sick to my stomach.

But... This is her friend's story. A close friend, but still. To balance his perspective, I intend to read her father's book on her as well. See if I can build me an image of Amy and her life with these two voices.

[Veronica-Anne · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was not a nice book to read and not a nice story to tell, but Tyler James told it with a rare kind of dignity and grace. His raw honesty was apparent from the very first page and the tragedy that was his life with this superstar called Amy Winehouse was compelling as well as very very horrific. Pain was speckled with a fragile humour and sadness and a truth that cannot be denied. Addiction is scary, addiction is coming for you, ready at any moment to take you somewhere outside of your past personality to somewhere unfathomable and unknowable to all but those who have lived this life. I felt I learned more about human nature in this exposure of a lifestyle than I was previously aware of before. Something deeper and more painful than most people would even care to share, never mind with the world. A sad and yet illuminating journey of two trapped souls within and beyond the dark and bleak shadows of chemical addiction. Highly recommended.

[VERITY · Rating 5 out of 5]

What's the Gary Barlow song with the line "3 versions of the truth"? I think there could be some of this in the book - Tyler's truth, the family's truth and the actual truth, as it's obviously one sided, but it's heartbreaking to read because Amy seemed to have been used by so many people as a cash machine. Tyler was her unpaid carer, while battling his own demons. I listened to the audiobook and found it so sad, however his love for Amy shines through and gives her a proper voice and we hear some of the story we didn't know. I don't envy her fame at all bless her, the two of them were clinging to each other as all the madness happened around them.

[Diana Taukul · Rating 5 out of 5]

Me ei saa kunagi teada kas ilma narko ja alkota oleks olnud võimalik luua Amy lugusid. Mulle tundus, et igal leheküljel oli keegi pilves või täis. Aga raamat on hästi ülesehitatud, ei saanud pidama, enne kui lugu sai läbi.

[Isabel Palu · Rating 5 out of 5]

Kui ma raamatu lõpetasin, mõtlesin mis just juhtus. Vahepeal mõtlesin, et kas see tõesti on päris. See on päris haige mida kuulsus, muusikatööstus, sõltuvused inimesega teevad. Paari viimase peatüki ajal silmad ikkagi vesistasid. Ma ei oska kuidagi enam kirjeldada seda raamatut. Mulle väga meeldis

[Katie Walton · Rating 5 out of 5]

Probably the most raw memoir I have ever read, and have never heard the author cry in an audiobook recording before

[Kaire Saarse · Rating 4 out of 5]

Minu jaoks sokeeriv raamat.
Kuulsus on hirmutav.