Unraveled: The True Story of a Woman Who Dared to Become a Different Kind of Mother

by Maria Housden

As a twelve-year-old girl, Maria Housden's vision of a happy future included everything that society expects girls to yearn for: a home, a husband, and, of course, children. Life had other plans.

Unraveled is Housden's riveting and thoughtful story of how, after the death of her young daughter, she found the courage to break away from her role as a wife and stay-at-home mom and strike out on her own in search of a more fulfilling life. Leaving her three surviving children in the primary custody of her husband, Housden faced down the disbelief of friends and family and began a journey that would ultimately lead her not only to the truth about herself but also to a deeper and more loving connection with her children.

Housden writes about the emotional reckoning that led to her decision and the ways in which she has become the best mother she can be while no longer living with her children full-time. With fierce honesty and the same gift for poignantly beautiful writing that she demonstrated in the bestselling Hannah's Gift, Housden makes a valuable contribution to our collective conversation about mothering, marriage, and the assumptions we make about the way life is supposed to be. Unraveled is the remarkable story of one woman's choice not to live every girl's dream . . . and instead to find her own.

Genres: Memoir, Biography, Nonfiction, True Story

288 pages, Hardcover

First published January 1, 2004

Reviews

[K · Rating 3 out of 5]

A book club friend lent this to me. It's interesting, but pretty heavy. I see that I was right for rejecting her first book, "Hannah's Gift," as too potentially depressing. Even the brief passages describing Hannah's death in this book started me sobbing; I certainly couldn't have read an entire book about that. Her description of her marriage's apparent demise is also pretty depressing. All in all, the writing is good but the subject matter is a downer. I'll probably finish it, but I wouldn't say I'm enjoying it, exactly. On a more positive note, her writing on the topic of gradually realizing the need to accept herself as a mother and not strive for perfection in other mothers' eyes rang eerily true for me, and I imagine, would for many other mothers as well.

OK -- I finished it now. I can't decide whether she's incredibly selfish or incredibly courageous. It's certainly interesting to ponder the question of whether it's wrong for a mother to [spoiler warning] leave her children in her husband's custody after their divorce and follow her artistic dreams, if the husband can give the children a more stable life. The picture of her marriage was clearly skewed; although her husband seems like this impossible perfectionist, maybe she was actually a lazy slob? And now, she and her second husband maintain separate residences -- does that mean no one can live with her?

[Mary · Rating 4 out of 5]

I had a hard time not judging her. This book was like Eat Pray Love but with children. I can’t imagine the pain of losing a child or how that would change my marriage. What she did was not the norm but it worked for her and her family. I can get the self exploration and looking at life different after watching your child die. Would I end my marriage? I don’t know. The story does have a some what happy ending as she finds new love. It did bother me that she started her new relationship while still married to her husband. It was an interesting read. Life is more complex and richer with children. No matter how you look at it divorce is sad.

[Audrey · Rating 4 out of 5]

I flew through this book, read 2/3 of it on flight from Paris to Dulles. I came across this book because I have read several of the author's now 2nd ex-husband's poetry collection and commentaries. Roger Housden brings so mych flavor to the poems, and he mentions Maria Housden (Unraveled author) in the collection from while they were happily married (happily in love) and then in the more recent collection from after they split 6 years into marriage (putting his heart back together). The premise of this book intrigued me; the author has 4 children with 1st husband, 2nd child dies from cancer, she divorces husband, meets Roger, lets ex have primary custody. I had to know how that could possibly go down. There is some serious emotional content that the author delivers in a very neutral manner. Nonetheless, I was all but sobbing on an airplane full of my colleagues during the chapters discussing her child Hannah's last days and death. The events did not unfold as I expected them to, and I do not necessarily agree with her choices. However, I have the bias of knowing she divorces the 2nd husband, whereas at the time of writing the book and the epilogue she is still married to him. A worthwhile read about a woman empowering herself.

[Nicolas Shump · Rating 4 out of 5]

Okay, this book almost needs to be read in tandem with her earlier "Hannah's Gift" about the brief life of her daughter who died as a toddler. After the death of her daughter, the author's marriage begins to fall apart. So, she takes a retreat where she meets a man who becomes her second husband. They have a torrid affair while on this retreat and she comes home to tell her husband that she doesn't love him any longer and wants a divorce.
She also chooses to leave, one or two children, with her husband. She makes a pretty clean break of it too. However, she eventually decides that she needs to be in her childrens' lives.
It is rather disturbing, but it also points on the very gendered and heteronormative nature of modern American marriage and motherhood. I'll give the author big props for candor.

[Shallowreader VaVeros · Rating 3 out of 5]

 An enjoyable story. I was amazed that the author was a naive to believe that her husband was going to treat her fairly as to access to her children after the divorce. he had manipulated her constantly through their marriage - why would the divorce settlement be any different. I hope that she maintains her way of living and her children continue their openess with her because her ex's treatment of her will eventually be his downfall. A sad but uplifting story that would be helpful for anyone on the verge of a difficult decision.

[Sonya Feher · Rating 2 out of 5]

Another memoir touted as one thing, but really about something else. This isn't truly a parenting memoir or about being a different kind of mother. It's about finding her identity as a person outside of motherhood, which Housden seems half reconciled to. Her first book, which I haven't read, is about the death of her oldest child. The subject matter of that book and this one has a wide audience, and though the story in Unraveled is unique, the writing is not particularly good.

[Louise Jones · Rating 4 out of 5]

I have read the previous book yeons ago but still remember it well as soon as you hear about the red shoes you remember Hannah . I found i t easy to read on the whole but still heart wrenching in life we all love to judge others and how we would do things differently but always you dont know what u would do til it happens to you !! so although you think at times how could she do that at other times it may be better for the parents to live separate lives than keep together for the sake of the children i could not see things from claude s point of view at all and felt aggressive towards him but again it would be interesting if Claude wrote a book and to see something from his perspective but still this may never happen bu as everyone knows two sides to every story !! !!!

[Katie · Rating 5 out of 5]

Maria Housden is an exceptional writer, the way she wrote her book and how she explained things are what made the story all the more intriguing.
I haven't had the chance to read Hannah's gift yet but after reading Unravelled I am now determined to get myself the book 'Hannah's gift'.
Even though the book goes back and fourth through the past and present, the book is still easy to read and enjoyable.
I experienced the emotions of the characters in the book which helped me to imagine the scene so much more.
Maria Housden has made me want to become a better woman and to make sure that I do what I want to do (to a certain extent). I feel like she has opened my mind to help me achieve better things and I guess I can thank her for that and also for the amazing story she has told, that's why I have giving her book 5*.

[Jennifer · Rating 3 out of 5]

I read this book in just a couple of hours. Well written, touching, and very engrossing. The book is broken into two parts...the first part is her 10 days at a silent retreat with glimpses into her past and current life which led her to be at this point of uncertainty with her life. I loved the first part of the book. I've struggled with some of her same doubts and feelings of inadequacy as a mother. For me though, the second part of the book loses some it's charm. I don't actually have any issues with the decisions she makes (except moving 3000 miles away from her kids) but for me as I got closer to the end of the book I found many of her stories to be superficial and just very tiny glimpses into who she is now. I was left feeling uncertain about her decisions and current life.

[Lindsey · Rating 2 out of 5]

I liked the way the book was written, short chapters - I got through it quickly. I thought the content would be something I could relate too, a womans battle to find herself, but I couldn't relate to the author leaving her children, however brave she may seem I just couldn't make the choices she did - I totally get the need to be independant and find oneself but not at expense of the children - I don't think women always have to be primary carers but for me it would be a no-brainer.

[Christy · Rating 3 out of 5]

Although the story in this book is hard for many people to comprehend, it takes a lot of courage to be so open and honest. I'm giving it 3 stars because of the writing style and story layout. Part of the story had a timeline but the other part didn't. I never knew exactly when she was talking about. And it was just too poetic for my liking. The elaborate descriptions took away from the story instead of adding to it. And I felt the end was rushed.

[Mark · Rating 1 out of 5]

the worst book I have ever read. It's a ridiculous story of a woman attempting to justify leaving her husband and children. Not only is the subject matter objectionable, it is written in the style of a high school expository writing assignment. The author never uses just one adjective when she can use three. Just an awful waste of time.

[Suzanne Paschke · Rating 1 out of 5]

I thought this was going to be a story of courage, but rather I found a story of a person who seemed really quite shallow and self-serving. For me to enjoy a memoir I have to at least like the person as I'm reading and discovering about them and in this case I just didn't. A very disappointing read.

[Suzanne Ray · Rating 3 out of 5]

This memoir of a woman who left her husband and gave him custody of her children is not inspiring. I felt the fact that she jumped into the arms of another man during her "retreat" before divorcing her husband makes her story less sympathetic. Her husband did sound controlling, but that is not an excuse to find someone else so quickly.

[Stacy · Rating 1 out of 5]

Can you say "whiner?" I thought this was a poorly written memoir by someone who obviously has a lot of personal issues, and decided to work them out in a book and laugh all the way to the bank. I'm glad I borrowed this one from the library. Don't buy it!

[Dawn · Rating 2 out of 5]

As a mother, I found this book very difficult to relate to and admire. Her choices, however honest they were, were so much the opposite of any choices I believe a mother would make that I was actually angered by them.

[Michaela Evanow · Rating 3 out of 5]

This needs to be read after Hannah's Gift, the authors first book which is excellent. This is not.
It's a little slow moving, disjointed, but interesting if you know the back story.
It left me with mixed feelings. All in all, not a book if recommend to someone.

[Marianna · Rating 3 out of 5]

I remember that this book made me angry. The woman basically abondons her children to "find" herself.

[Sandy Clark · Rating 2 out of 5]

I didn't care for her approach to motherhood.

[Mary · Rating 1 out of 5]

It didn't take me long to get sick of how Maria portrayed herself. Therefore, I quit reading it early on.

[Sara Weaver-Lundberg · Rating 2 out of 5]

Read after her book, "Hannah's Gift", and I didn't care for it.

[Kristen · Rating 1 out of 5]

I hated this book! It was just 275 pages of her trying to justify cheating on her husband and abandoning her kids. Awful!

[Christine Fay · Rating 4 out of 5]

Maria Housden previously wrote Hannah’s Gift, a true story about how her family dealt with the loss of their three-year-old daughter to a rare form of cancer. Going through that experience forced the author to examine her life, and whether or not she was happy in her role. This is the story of her journey from housewife to independent woman -- a very empowering tale, and a cautionary tale as well. Highly recommended for young women thinking of getting married.

“A certainty -- strong and separate from this man and his needs -- began to pour through me. I finally understood, in the quietest place inside, that no matter how much I loved Claude, I could no longer feel responsible for his happiness, just as I could not make him responsible for mine. Happiness, contentment, and love were not experiences we could give each other; they were simply experiences we could share or be. I had been toting a bubble of compromises, sacrifices, and submission around with me the whole of our relationship, believing that if I were to try harder, be more loving, do more, both of us would finally be happy. And in this single moment it had released its hold and, like a balloon, floated up and away from me” (171).

[Sheri · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is the second time I’ve listened to this book within a few years. There is something about this woman’s life that perplexes me, stirs up some discomfort of my own as a divorcee and mom of 3. It’s beautifully written and captures the essence of her emotional growth/truth/journey very well. But perhaps be prepared to find yourself wondering how you feel about one mother’s atypical solutions to life.

[Fiona Phillips · Rating 4 out of 5]

I liked this book a lot. It really resonated with me. I often beat myself up about balancing my own needs and my children’s, and Maria’s story has helped me a great deal to empathise with her, and in turn go easy on myself in the process. I found this book personally relatable, but don’t know if everyone could. It was heavy at points- but so is life. Thank you Maria. Your honesty and bravery were truly beautifully written, and have meant a lot to me. I hope others will feel the same.

[Leanne Sutton · Rating 5 out of 5]

I really enjoyed this book about a woman’s journey and transformation. Well written and draws you in. I read it over a couple days at the lake. It brought me back to early motherhood many times. She shows us how we can do things differently and still be a wonderful mother and woman. I’m excited to read Hannah’s Gift next!

[Tamara · Rating 4 out of 5]

As someone who will be an unconventional mother (if ever one at all), this book gave me hope that motherhood doesn’t have to look or be a certain way, it can be what works for you without being detrimental to your children.

[Twolf · Rating 4 out of 5]

Beautiful written and tender showing love on all levels Particularly self.

[Helena R · Rating 3 out of 5]

PLOT: At age 36 Maria decided that she, all of her life, had lived to please others. She was the wife her husband expected her to be and the mum her children expected her to be. However she realised that she was not the woman she herself wanted to be. She decided to make a change, she were to become the woman she wanted to be, with the risk of loosing everything; her home, her family, her friends.
MY THOUGHTS: My initial thought was that I hope my life story does not turn out with me loosing
myself. I do admire Maria (in order to fully understand her, you must really also read Hannah’s Gift), having the strength to risk everything, but at the same time be able to win everything. She risked, she lost her home and many of her friends in the process, but she got a new home and new friends and a new self. I did like the book and I am glad to have read it, it will always be a reminder to not forget myself at any time.

[Yvonne · Rating 4 out of 5]

An insightful read of a woman who dared to be different, despite disapprovals and frowns by the people she loved and held dear. She managed to find what she wanted and gave up a huge part of her life to find happiness and to bring happiness to her kids by letting go - something most mothers will not be able to achieve. She ached for her child who went before her but picked herself up and marched forward. She unlocked the chains of her life and lived a peaceful, happy and fulfilling life.