The Wisdom of a Broken Heart: An Uncommon Guide to Healing, Insight, and Love

by Susan Piver

The New York Times bestselling author of The Hard Questions and relationship columnist for Body & Soul looks at the hardest part of a relationship—heartbreak—and provides a practical, steadying, compassionate plan for emerging a stronger, braver, spiritually transformed person.

The heart that is broken has been broken open," writes Susan Piver. "When my heart was broken, it changed my life.…From this most painful experience came the ability to find and appreciate lasting love." The anguish and disappointment of a broken heart is devastating and overwhelming, but as Susan Piver reveals in The Wisdom of a Broken Heart , it can also create an opportunity for genuine spiritual transformation, paradoxically leaving one both stronger and softer—and capable of loving even more deeply than before.

Filled with on-the-spot practices, exercises, funny stories (often drawn from her own experience), poems, meditations, exercises, and down-to-earth, practical advice on how to cope with day-to-day miseries, The Wisdom of a Broken Heart offers a priceless prescription of solace and encouragement, wisdom and humor. Like an infinitely patient, trusted friend, it tells its readers in a thousand different ways the most important thing to remember and the easiest to "You’re going to be okay."

Genres: Self Help, Nonfiction, Relationships, Psychology, Buddhism, Spirituality, Love

240 pages, Hardcover

First published January 1, 2009

About the author

Susan Piver is the New York Times bestselling author of many books, including the award-winning "How Not to Be Afraid of Your Own Life", "The Wisdom of a Broken Heart", "Start Here Now: An Open-Hearted Guide to the Path and Practice of Meditation", and "The Four Noble Truths of Love: Buddhist Wisdom for Modern Relationships".

Piver has been a practicing Buddhist since 1993 and graduated from a Buddhist seminary in 2004. She is an internationally acclaimed meditation teacher, known for her ability to translate ancient practices into modern life. Her work has been featured on the Oprah show, TODAY, CNN, and in the New York Times, Wall Street Journal and others.

In 2013, she launched the Open Heart Project, the largest virtual mindfulness community in the world with 20,000 members.

Reviews

[Chelsea · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is, simply put, something special. I was at my wit's end trying to find the light at the end of the tunnel after a devastating breakup, and I didn't find any light until I came across this book. For the first time, I finally felt I was reading the words of someone who actually did understand, and who actually had been there. Susan Piver just has a gentleness that seems to hold you when you're despairing. She is honest and genuine, allowing and encouraging you to honor the depth of your pain, while also reminding you that even though it feels like you won't survive, you will make it through. She does this partly by sharing her own experience with heartbreak, but is never preachy. Reading her words feels like she is just trying to be a real friend, just letting you be sad when you need to be sad, but making you laugh when you could use a laugh, all the while helping you access a higher power and nurture your spiritual side as well. Beautiful- I go back to this book again and again.

[lyle · Rating 4 out of 5]

She knows.

"When this particular relationship ended, I realized that the aches and pains I'd experienced in the past had been like a summer rain compared to a tsunami. They were not the same thing at all. When other relationships ended, sure, I had cried, hated him, hated myself, and lost ten pounds--the usual. But twhen this one ended, I didn't just cry, mope, and lose my appetite--my entire world also fell apart. I didn't know who I was anymore or what my life meant, and I wasn't sure I'd ever recover."

"During one of these breakups, he started going out with someone else and my heart shattered. Into. One. Million. Pieces. To this day, I can't explain why.
I was inconsolable. I lost my mind. I was racked with the worst case of jealousy, which I had had no idea I was even capable of; I had not been a jealous person before this event and have never been so again. My sleep was absolutely destroyed--every night I had horrible nightmares about him being beyond my reach. My appetite disappeared and I shrank to a skeletal size zero. My friends set up a system to check on me, including a feeding schedule as if I were a baby."

"I am not exaggerating when I say that I did not draw breath for two years without also feeling the pain of this breakup.
Spurred by this utter confusion, my interest in sprituality reached an unprecedented peak. I think I was reading two or three books per week, searching for answers. Why did this hurt so much? How could i make i go away? What was it about me that made this happen? How can you stop loving someone just because they have ceased to love you? All the pain particular to my childhood--thinking I was unlovable, overly emotional, and probably stupid--resurfaced with a vengeance. The pain of today's broken heart brings back the pain of all broken hearts, beginning from the beginning. My mind rang around the clock with self-recrimination and shame, and i was terrified I would never be able to put my life back together. I was so afraid. I was so sad."

"[L]osing your love is like having your house and all your possesions destroyed by a tornado. In the morning you went to work and when you came home in the evening, everything you were certain about was gone. It's all rubble. And oddly, unlike a destroyed home that once was there and now is not, the person you lost still walks--intact, visible, perhaps only a desk or an email away. He is gone and yet he exists. It is a very strange sensation. It messes with your mind, and the only response that makes sense is to cry."

"I heard a voice (yes, I actually heard a voice) say, 'But nothing is happening.' In a flash my tears and tormented thoughts dried up completley. I looked around. It was true. Absolutely nothing was happening. It was as though someone had turned off a superloud television seet that had been on for so long that I had stopped noticing it. There was just silence. It was trash day in Austin and a girl was crying. A warm wind was blowing, some birds were flying overhead, and there were sounds of traffic in the distance. Nobody was taunting me. The happy couple wasn't parading about. My pathetic future was a made-up fantasy. Nothing was happening.
All the painful and horrendous things I was imagining were not present, and I realized suddenly and completely that it was my thoughts--and only my thoughts--that were tormenting me. If I stopped my thoughts, the pain stopped. And so it had. For about nine seconds. Then it all came flooding back, although from that moment on I understood one very, very important thing, perhaps the most important of all: learning to work with the pain f a broken heart was about learning to work with thoughts, not about changing any kind of reality. Because in reality, right this second, now, nothing in fact is happening."

"It's impossible to believe that the world and its inhabitants could simply . . . go on, especially in the face of the enormity of your grief. Surprisingly, every single cliche that you have ever heard about lost love turns out to be true. You can't believe life around you goes on as before. You feel that you can't exist without this person. Life has lost its meaning. You've been sucked into a giant black hole from which you feel you can never escape. You are certain you will never love again. Songs, movies, and stories you may have branded as childish and sentimental, now capture your feelings perfectly. You never knew you could have such affinity for Celine Dion or Lifetime Television. It's pretty humbling."

"In fact, looking back on how vehemently you may have defended certain positions or raged against those who thought or acted differently from you can now seem a little embarrassing. It just doesn't matter. When your heart is broken, along with the pain, comes an unmistakable ability to know what matters and what doesn't. Only love matters, you think (and this, by the way, is true). And now, courtesy of your broken heart, you know it beyond a shadow of a doubt."

"A lot of people believe that by thinking positively and expecting good things to happen, you can make good things happen. Recently I spoke to my friend Stephen Mitchell, an internationally respected translator of the world's great wisdom texts, including the Tao Te Ching, the Bhagavad Gita, and The Book of Job. I asked him if in his lifelong study of the core teachings of all religions, he'd ever come across that idea. I wrote down what he said because it was so excellent and here it is: 'The teaching of every one of the great sacred texts is that control is an illusion. When you understand that ultimately you are not the doer, you can step back from yourself. That is the only path to serenity. In other words, letting go of the illusion of control--and realizing that you never had control in the first place--allows you to live in the most dazzlingly intelligent, beautiful, and kind reality that you could ever have imagined and beyond what you could've imagined.'"

"My heart, which I thought had been dead, stopped. Of course. I had been betrayed. My ex boyfriend had reneged on his promise to love me, and this odious event had a name: betrayal. Somehow, knowing this calmed me down. And I began to contemplate betrayal. My conclusion? It is the most difficult of all woundings. Betrayal comes in many forms. It's not just about being cheated on or left for another. It's about any promise, overt or implied, that has been broken without your participation in the decision, or even knowing that a decision was on the table. It's about believing something that you later find out is untrue. It's no wonder that the first response to betrayal is likely to be denial. It's an enormous shock to find out that a solid reality is not so solid after all. It can feel like the most deviant form of attack. When betrayal is at the root of your pain, something horrible is unleashed. Different and perhaps more horrible than the pain of disappointment, grief, or anger. With other causes of suffering, you can at least pretend you have some measure of control. You can blame the other person for disappointing you, you can read books that outline and predict the course of grief, and when you're angry you can always fall back on self-righteousness. But when you're betrayed, you have been blindsided and your vulnerability is confirmed. You lose a misplaced innocence that you really can never regain. Your ability to trust is basically obliterated. And not just your trust in your own perceptions and your trust in the person you loved. Once you lose trust in one person, your trust in all beings is undermined, making the future seem like a giant landmine."

"Have you noticed that in your state of heartbreak everything touches you? And not just what happens to you personally but what happens around you. If you're watching a movie and the lead character loses his love, you know precisely what he is feeling and you cry with him. If you walk down the street and see a child who has momentarily lost her mommy, the look on her face now tears you apart completely. Before, you would have felt bad for her, sure, but you wouldn't be reduced to tears yourself. In either case you would help her locate her mother but now it's with a sense of emotional alignment and the fierce wish to see her suffering end. Not just to do a good turn for another. And when mother and child are reunited, you have so much more than a sense of having been a good Samaritan. You rejoice with them and totally don't care if anyone thanks you or not. This sense of emotional communion with others extends beyond spurned lovers and lost children. It now includes basically anyone who is feeling or experiencing anything genuine. And does not include anything disingenuous whatsoever. You are no longer moved by polite expressions of happiness or sadness, you can see right through them. When someone you love suffers, you feel it so deeply and long for her to have relief. Your friends' troubles touch your heart, not just your mind. And the troubles of strangers, should you see a person on the bus with a beat-down expression or overhear a conversation at the bank about someone's financial woes, these too can touch you. And you might even soften a teeny-tiny bit toward those whom you consider your 'enemies' because you can imagine that just behind their ridiculous behaviors is probably some kind of pain just like you are feeling. It's as if you've left one world of emotional give-and-take and entered another one--one that is very broad. In which everything you encounter has a tinge of rawness. In fact, you have entered another world. You stand in the doorway of the world to the Bodhisattva. 'Bodhisattva' is a Sanskrit word. 'Bodi' means awake and 'sattva' means being. So a Bodhisattva is an awakened being. Someone who is awakened to the existence of others in a heightened, fundamental way."

[Samuel · Rating 5 out of 5]

Very helpful and inspirational advice from one of my favourite meditation teachers.

[Rosie · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is the first book to address my breakup and/or healing process that is really speaking to me. For starters, it almost immediately gave me permission to grieve. It is not "rah, rah, you are awesome! you are great! you are better than ever!" It is definitely more of the tone of, "yeah, this sucks. It's going to hurt. Feel the hurt because when you really feel things, that's when you can start to heal." I'm really appreciating this book.

[Christina · Rating 5 out of 5]

Really helpful. Gentle, but not enabling. Piver presents heartbreak as an opportunity — “If you acknowledge the dark night and open to it, it will teach you extraordinary lessons about who you are and what your life is about.” I like that she gives philosophy and spirituality but also practical, what to do right-in-this-instant advice. Highly recommended.

[Gianna Stern · Rating 5 out of 5]

I’ve been on Goodreads for many years and I believe this is my first review. I’m not even sure how to put into words how special this book is. There are endless amount of self help books out there but I have never read a piece of literature where it felt like the author was living inside my brain or reading my mind. I have become a Susan Piver stan now and connected with her on such a deep level. Her wisdom, her wit and her knowledge is so productive, progressive and straight up just so helpful. Her generosity and vulnerability with her words have helped me through a very tough time in my life and I’ve never highlighted a book so much. This book is the first time I read as an e-book and when I finished it, I went out and bought the physical copy to not only support Susan but have her beautiful words and guidance with me always on my book shelf. If I never read another self help again after reading this beautiful one, I’ll be plenty okay

[Christopher T McArthur · Rating 3 out of 5]

Rises above it’s cheesy title just a bit, with a very empathetic voice from the author. A good introduction to basic mindfulness and love and kindness meditation. But, teaching these with a focus specifically on healing from heartbreak.
I did find it funny that the final chapter is bragging about how amazing her own marriage is, haha, is this the right audience for that ?
The book is extremely straight cis-female focused, which js fine for most of it. But there were several times the author speaks to something as an obvious truth that felt very alien to me and I think it was due to this perspective and wish it would have been acknowledged.

[Sarah High]

loved this (thank you bea trox for the rec) ♥️♥️♥️

[Katie Hughes · Rating 5 out of 5]

“He is gone. And yet he exists. It’s a very strange sensation.”

“A broken heart is a dark night of the soul. Sit with the darkness, allow it to teach you. This is a very brave thing to do.”

Such a great read. Sooo many helpful exercises here to combat the overwhelming tendencies of a broken heart. I love that all the help provided here was given in a way that can be used over & over, long after finishing the book. It’s full of thinking exercises, & journal prompts, all of which were very beneficial.

“I’m not exaggerating when I say I did not draw breath for two years without also feeling the pain of this break up.”

“When you feel your grief, make friends with it. Invite it in. Feel it. Don’t shrink in fear. After all, they’re just feelings.”

“Meet your emotions. Not as enemies to be conquered, but as wounded friends from the front needing your loving attention.”

“You have been trapped by his choice about your relationship, and instead of asserting dominion over your world by making your own choices, you allow his choice to enslave you.”

“Your own mind will squish you like a bug on a windshield again and again. You’re at its mercy completely, or it feels that way, and if it wants to take you on a stroll down memory lane, or to future sorrow, it will. If it wants to make you believe, ‘You’re better off without him, damn it!’ or no, wait, ‘You’re doomed without him!’ It will. It bounces you around without mercy.”

“In depression nothing matters, in sadness everything matters. It takes a lot of courage to be sad.”

[Cara · Rating 4 out of 5]

Great book on channeling your grief into becoming a stronger, better person. It was interesting reading this now, because a lot of what it said would happen, I've already experienced. Sometimes I felt way ahead of where the book thought I was, and sometimes I felt way behind. That was kind of cool--i think the author is right about how it works, and it made feel like I'm on the path.

Also, somewhere in the book, the author says something to the effect of: forget what everyone else says you should be feeling. What you're feeling now is absolutely appropriate for your loss.

I found that really powerful. I had been wondering if I'm crazy, or clinging to heartbreak too long, or this or that. It was nice to let go of all those worries and assume I'm just where I need to be right now.


Notes:
p. 88
One response to a broken heart is to become disheartened. You just give up and stop trying at life. To get better, start with very simple cleaning tasks. Keep up with the dishes. Shower regularly. Etc. "When you begin to care for your environment and your body, you introduce an atmosphere of upliftedness that is the best counter there is to the poignant degradation of a lost heart."

[Jenalee Paige · Rating 3 out of 5]

The Wisdom of a Broken Heart has some helpful tips and quick activities that are beneficial for people going through a heartbreak of any kind. This book is good for anyone going through a career change, a relationship break-up, a loss of a loved one, or any type of change in a close relationship. It guides the reader on behaviors, mindsets, and situations you want to surround yourself with while in a sensitive state. It also has the what to avoids that could make the healing process more difficult.

[Ally Kornberger · Rating 4 out of 5]

I love that Piver incorporates Buddhist wisdom and teachings into her strategies. This book is as much about cultivating spirituality as it is about healing from heartbreak. I agree with Piver that we have to feel all of our emotions to heal, and we cannot avoid the pain of heartbreak. The only way is through.

Piver’s strategies seem especially helpful when you are in the trenches of a fresh heartbreak. However, I do think that we must do the hard and often exhausting, introspective work to gain awareness of the unconscious patterns and forces that might be influencing our relationship choices (after some time has gone by).

Main takeaways -
- We can either open to heartbreak and allow it to soften and strengthen us, or we can fight it and turn away from it, giving it permission to harden our hearts.
- Heartbreak and grief help us to see the bigger picture and are a gateway to profound thinking.
- Today’s heartbreak helps us process the other heartbreaks we have experienced
- Learning to work with the pain of a broken heart is about learning to work with our thoughts. It is not about changing our reality.
- Meditation is a great way to approach our healing journey without judgment. We are going to fuck up in our journey, but meditation helps us release the shame, self-hatred, and anger we direct toward ourselves when we are upset or frustrated with our healing journey.
- Confidence means that even when we feel ridiculous, devastated, tired, or anxious, we can relax about it.
- The events that occur in our lives are not for or against us, they just are. It is not about how many good experiences we have, but about how many genuine ones we have.
- Control is an illusion and letting go of control is the only path to serenity.
- The only thing that matters on our deathbed is how loving we have been
- We are much more like the ocean than the waves. Underneath all of our hopes and fears is profound stillness and the memory of how to return to it, which is especially helpful to consider during moments of anxiety (76).
- When we lose someone, we don’t miss them. We miss the possibility of sacred connection we sensed with them.
- Our past heartbreaks prepare us for a truer vision of love
- All relationships will end. It’s a fact of life that we cannot avoid. It will end by either falling out of love, finding new love, or by death. (I’ve learned through my grandparents that relationships may end, but the legacy of love lives on).
- When we find love, we also find the sorrow of impermanence. We need to acknowledge this impermanence so we can fully appreciate and value love.
- Heartbreak is a continual opening to deeper and deeper levels of love
- The more deeply we love, the more closely we feel the possibility of loss. Loving someone is the most vulnerable position we will ever find ourselves in.

[Naomi Fernandez · Rating 3 out of 5]

Susan really dives into a new way of dealing with heart break and offered a fresh perspective. At the end, however she actually provides a whole step by step guide which I personally didn’t find necessary- could be because I already meditate and have passed that stage. The book as a whole was enlightening for the most part but can’t really see myself indefinitely recommending it.

[Femke · Rating 4 out of 5]

3.5. Er waren onderdelen die heel erg behulpzaam waren, maar er zaten ook wat spiri-wirie stukjes tussen die ik niet kon gebruiken

[Nicole C. · Rating 4 out of 5]

Some really good insights here. Gentle but no nonsense. The spiritual enlightenment angle was nice, too. The last section of the book is a seven day ritual that would be very useful if your failed relationship is still very raw. For those of us who have healed a little, but still have our broken moments, there is advice for us as well. This book also made me realize that I would benefit from meditating again on a regular basis (I used to, but fell out of the habit).
Bottom line - unlike other books that tell you to be constantly upbeat and push negativity aside, the author encourages you to own your feelings. Don't wallow, but invite your inner demons to dinner and look them in the face. By doing so, you will emerge much stronger.

[LemontreeLime · Rating 4 out of 5]

Quite possibly the best written book on the subject of heartbreak ive ever read. Piver nails the descriptions in such a way you suddenly dont feel nearly as embarrassed as you did for the last year. Or two. She sympathizes, and its a real sympathy from someone who has been as hurt as deeply you have. You realize its ok, and it will be okay. And she tosses you ladders and escape maps to help you through. But remember, the only way out is through, you have to work through the emotions or they will bite you again and again on the hiney. Good luck. This book will help. Just hide the dust jacket when you are on the bus. (totally copacetic)

[Elizabeth Black · Rating 4 out of 5]

Still reeling from a broken heart, I found this book tremendously helpful. Though, I'd never wish this on anyone, Ms. Piver explains how can it actually be a good thing and that there are gifts to be gained from such a painful experience. The first time through, and I've already got the book all highlighted, underlined, and dog-eared. I'm sure I will continue to reference it throughout my healing process. The only reason it didn't get 5 stars is that some of the exercises are kind of hokey, but otherwise, the book has been a blessing.

[Lerys · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was really helpful, at the beginning she says use what serves you and leave what doesn’t and I think that’s great advice. Some of the things she mentioned or visualizations she had weren’t very helpful for me but overall this book was gold and I got a lot from it. It’s a refreshing take in a world filled with people trying to shove fake positivity and fake it till you make it down your throat this book instead asks us to sit with our pain and find courage and tenderness in ourselves. I would buy this book for all of my friends if I could.

[Nick · Rating 5 out of 5]

My heart was broken last year, and this book has been essential to finding my way back again to wholeness. This book is wise, patient, and profound. It will help you re-form your thinking in productive, healthier ways. But most of all, the voice in this book accepts you where you are and shows you how to offer the same gift to yourself.

[Catarina · Rating 4 out of 5]

Quotes:

"Rather than fighting off unpleasant feelings, it is always best to soften, open, and invite them. Fighting wastes valuable time. Allowing them acknowledges the reality of that particular moment and makes it easier to address your circumstances intelligently. For example, if you’re walking down a dark street trying to pretend you’re not afraid, you might miss the valuable signals fear offers you when you tune in and open to it."

"Gentleness means simply that you acknowledge and embrace your own experience from moment to moment, without judgment. Without trying to fix it. Without feeling ashamed of it or, if you do feel ashamed of it, you do not feel ashamed of your shame! In this way, gentleness is actually an advanced form of bravery. You aren’t afraid to take on your own suffering, even though you don’t know how or when it will end; still, you agree to feel it. Somehow this acceptance begins to calm things down. On its own timetable, gentleness begins to pacify even the most raging emotions. Gentleness is the spiritual and emotional warrior’s most powerful weapon."

"Meditation is the noble act of making friends with yourself, just as you are. This is the very first and, arguably, most important step you can take to restore your heart to balance. When you sit and meditate, you are agreeing to hang out with yourself, exactly as you are."

"So, to recap: to counter longing, pay attention to the present moment; to counter rage, invite sadness; and to reverse disheartenment, introduce an element of precision to your environment."

"Give yourself over to what you feel. Let it turn your world upside down and bounce you from here to Venus and back again. Unfettered, your feelings will always, always (eventually) return to stillness. In the meantime you will come into possession of the most magnetizing, potent quality there is: authenticity. We know when we’re in the company of someone who has cut through hesitation to be brilliant, ridiculous, gentle, and natural. They evince the most compelling and authoritative quality there is. Naturalness and authenticity are being who you are and feeling what you feel from moment to moment, without judging your experience as in or out of line with who you hoped you were or read you were supposed to be. Basta. Enough. Just be who you are. This ultimate manifestation of confidence comes only through continuous vulnerability to your world. Give yourself over to fearlessness; it is the power of authentic presence realized."

***"Just because you love someone, it doesn’t mean you’re going to love your life together."***

"Whether we’re aware of it or not, we each walk through the world with a projector between our ears, and it’s constantly running a film of what life is supposed to look like and how people, including ourselves, are supposed to act. Our eyes are like two lenses, and wherever we look, we project our movie out and what we see becomes part of it. We move through our experiences like actors playing roles and we seek, not other people to love, but those whom we can most easily cast as friends, colleagues, and lovers. Without awareness, we use others as plot devices. This can’t go on indefinitely, and at some point the jig will be up and all will be revealed as playacting. This isn’t very hospitable, when you get right down to it. And in a situation such as when you say, “I love you,” to whom are you saying it? To the person in front of you or your projection onto him?"

"Often—very, very often—heartbreak occurs, not because love itself dies, but because our projection onto the other fails, or what is being projected onto us fails. Unlike the darkly beautiful reality of love dying, a dying projection creates urgent anxiety and emotional chaos. It’s not necessarily losing the other person that hurts so badly: it’s losing a made-up vision of safety. Real love, deep love, intimate love has nothing to do with security. It is wild and painful and powerful and unpredictable. Projections, however, have everything to do with the search for safety; and when this kind of love is lost, it quite understandably leaves you feeling unprotected, in a state of turmoil. Learning to discriminate between projection and reality, moment to moment, is the very important beginning of genuine wisdom. Heartbreak itself releases this wisdom like a bird from a cage."

- Loving-Kidness Meditation

[Sacred Suzie · Rating 5 out of 5]

I went through around five books about working through a broken heart that did not work for me before I found Susan Piver's book. I had pretty much given up hope but my sister highly recommended her for her Buddhist approach (you do not need to be a Buddhist BTW, I just like the philosophy). A lot of other books had religion show up and I wanted a book with heart and spirit but not dogma. Other books just spoke of short term relationships and dating but did not acknowledge ones that were long term and complex (decades, not months thank you).

Susan Piver's book resonated with me immediately. She did not shy away from just how devastated losing your loved one can be. That breakups cause serious and dangerous pain. It is life altering. It is soul crushing. Her perspective is not to fight it but to lean into it and let the chaos of your life turning upside down happen. Most important she honours the fact that this profoundly awful experience can be used to help personal and spiritual growth. Her poetic phrasing helped elevate me and her realistic approach helped ground me.

She is a meditation teacher and practicer so that is a big part of her approach so this book may not be for everyone. For me? It helped saved my life and spirit. I will forever be grateful.

[♡ · Rating 4 out of 5]

🕊 💔 💐 💔 🕊

🕊💔 Love’s happiness is just an illusion Filled with sadness and confusion.
—Jimmy Ruffin, What Becomes of the Brokenhearted

🕊💔 Betrayal comes in many forms—it’s not just about being cheated on or left for another. It’s about any promise, overt or implied, that has been broken without your participation in the decision, or even knowing that a decision was on the table. It’s about believing something that you later find out is untrue.
But when you are betrayed, you have been blindsided, and your vulnerability is confirmed. You lose a misplaced innocence that you can never regain. Your ability to trust is basically obliterated—and not just your trust in your own perceptions and your trust in the person you loved. Once you lose trust in one person, your trust in all beings is undermined, making the future seem like a giant land mine.

🕊💔👑 Act Like a Queen
👸 A Queen knows who she is.
👸 A Queen does not explain, nor does she complain.
👸 A Queen does not attack, she magnetizes.
👸 A Queen’s surroundings are impeccable.
👸 A Queen is never summoned.

🕊💔 First of all, men who scare that easily are simply not worth it.

🕊💔 It’s been a long, a long time coming, but I know that a change is gonna come.
—Sam Cooke, “A Change Is Gonna Come”

[Verena · Rating 3 out of 5]

"This is what seems to lead to happiness, not chasing after good experiences and strategizing away bad ones."

"When you begin to notice what you are without trying to change it, what you are begins to undergo transformation."

"I got all sorts of advice from friends. "Drown yourself in work," but I couldn't concentrate. "Don't worry, you'll meet someone else," but I wanted only him. "Take care of yourself- -make sure to eat and sleep," but food was like garbage and nights were one continuous nightmare."

"The day before the breakup you probably had normal, everyday problems and concerns. The day after, all that was destroyed. No matter how many signs there were (or weren't) that this was coming, losing your love is like having your house and all your possessions destroyed by a tornado."

He is gone and yet he exists. It is a very strange sensation. It messes with your mind, and the only response that makes sense is to cry.

"There is a crack in everything. That's how the light gets in."

🇩🇪Viel Gerede über Meditation, aber auch einige gute Stellen, die ziemlich akkurat beschreiben, wie es sich anfühlt, ein gebrochenes Herz zu haben, sodass man sich wenigstens durch das Lesen dieses Buchs weniger allein und ein bisschen "normaler" fühlt.

[Claire Binkley · Rating 2 out of 5]

I tried to read this, but had trouble, not due to misunderstanding what the words meant, but due to an absence that Chinese food from just down the street has a problem with filling - and the kind that I make is not as good, either.
I can't tell if my left eye has an eyelash stuck in it or if I am crying again.

This is a hard read. The first reason is since my copy smells strongly of ... some kind of disgusting agent ... the second reason is due to its contents, which involve getting over a failed relationship.

I read a long time ago that people change every so often so completely that within a certain amount of time, I think the time frame was a year or something like that, it is possible that the same person is made up of entirely different molecules! Although it looks like that gets into gene sequencing, hehehe, and I blocked that person a long time ago so that I would still have a chance to get my fair chance at going where I wanted. (I have not gone, yet, but it is potential that I may get the chance soon!)

I'd still like to sequence genes whenever I got the chance and the spare time! That sounds interesting, and I think there could be some vacancies around the sequencer due to the scourge of COVID-19, which seems to have hit that area harder than mine.
I hope that everyone will survive this upcoming semester better than ever.

[Abby Neer · Rating 5 out of 5]

Ok. This book is basically a suggested roadmap to healing a broken heart. It’s written primarily for people with a broken heart after a relationship ends but the concepts can be applied to any heartbreak. The writer encourages you to welcome your pain, and to do so by quieting yourself to allow it to show up. And then when it does, embrace it, feel it and let it go. Rather than how many people today “heal” from heartbreak, by avoidance, distraction, and flippant disregard to the pain we are actually in. That’s how I used to manage my pain and I knew it wasn’t working for me. So needless to say, this book kicked my ass because it doesn’t do the work for you. She also does a wonderful job of normalizing the emotional ups and downs that come with breakups, and includes techniques to cultivate compassion for yourself and others. This book challenged me in many ways that I am grateful for. A broken heart doesn’t mean I have to stay scared and wounded, and it doesn’t mean I have to become guarded and cynical. This book helped me understand that my broken heart can actually break me open to a more loving, enlightened and skillful way of living.

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[Christina Lynch · Rating 5 out of 5]

I really needed this book. It took me forever to read because it was so painful. Ultimately, I feel that every person has to figure out for themselves what wisdom to glean from heartache and how to cope with it . I had someone who for the first time in my life made me feel like I could be my most authentic self, without forgiveness or permission. All of his qualities, characteristics, imperfections, made him worth loving and worth my time. But he left me, without a kind word, and I’ve lost him. The grief I still feel is immeasurable - there are days where I cry so hard I can barely breathe. It’s as if I’ve known him all my life and he suddenly vanished. Though I don’t really know why. I believe there is wisdom in a broken heart and I’m glad I still have one with which to feel my emotions.

[Christy George · Rating 3 out of 5]

I had to sit with this one for awhile before rating. Some parts of this were 5 stars. I have underlined sections and stars in a lot of places. I attribute this to the author having an empathetic awareness and shrewd style of talking about exactly what heartbreak feels like. I gained some encouragement for sure. Such as, "just because you love someone doesn't mean you will always love your life together." Oddly, that, more than anything else I've tried to heal my pain helped the most to make it not all feel so personal and like I was utterly betrayed for no reason at all. However, the rest of the book just annoyed me a lot. I'm a skeptic. Everyone knows that. I'm also not really religious or into new-age psycho babble. The meditation and mindfulness sections were hard for me to take seriously and lessened the message that I loved from the rest of the book.

[Robert · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very timely and helpful book for me. A very different take on most heartbreak books out there, which just focus on pampering yourself, positive affirmations, and avoiding your feelings in general.

Very validating, felt like Piver knew exactly what I was going through and feeling. Loved the poetry, Buddhist wisdom, so many good one-liners.

"Heartbreak is love unbound from an object."

"A broken heart is a heart broken open."

“This sorrow is the gateway to contentment, the kind that can never leave you.”

Make friends with your grief, suffering, big feelings.

She really helped in my efforts of finding meaning and purpose in the struggle and suffering.

Her last sections about meditation and spiritual practice didn't help as much, as I have my own versions that work for me.

[Alden Hollow · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a really, really sweet book. And It truly helped me so much. It has so much profound wisdom about having your heart broken. How to pick up the pieces, how to reconnect with yourself, how to appreciate the newfound, raw, openness to the world your pain has brought you to, how to choose love again, and again, and again.

Even with the “love is love” disclaimer, I do wish this book was not so darn gendered, or that there was a queerer, more non-monogamous book like this one! It’s strictly written from the perspective of a cisgender, straight woman getting her heart broken by a cisgender, straight man.

Im also not really into Buddhism or meditation which this book is pretty influenced by. But, it’s not overwhelming. Just not helpful for me.