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Hand Wash Cold: Care Instructions for an Ordinary Life
It’s easy to think that meaning, fulfillment, and bliss are “out there,” somewhere outside of our daily routine. But in this playful yet profound reflection on awareness, the compelling voice of a contemporary woman reveals the happiness at the bottom of the laundry basket, the love in the kitchen sink, and the peace possible in one’s own backyard. Follow Karen Maezen Miller through youthful ambition and self-absorption, beyond a broken marriage, and into the steady calm of a so-called ordinary life. In her hands, household chores and caregiving tasks become opportunities for self-examination, lessons in relationship, and liberating moments of selflessness. With attention, it’s the little things — even the unexpected, unpleasant, and unwanted things — that count.
173 pages, Paperback
First published January 1, 2010
44 people are currently reading
1266 people want to read
About the author
Karen Maezen Miller
4 books191 followersKaren Maezen Miller is a Zen Buddhist priest and teacher at the Hazy Moon Zen Center in Los Angeles. She is the author of Paradise in Plain Sight: Lessons from a Zen Garden, Hand Wash Cold: Care Instructions for an Ordinary Life and Momma Zen: Walking the Crooked Path of Motherhood. She leads retreats around the country.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 153 reviews
June 10, 2010
I was finished. I told myself I wasn't going to read any more find your true purpose in life, happiness is down this path, live in the now, this is the last diet book you'll ever need, dream it...achieve it, be your best self, you are what you think, unclutter your life, fit more activitites into less time, law of attraction or follow your bliss books.
I was ready to give up and simply accept who and where I was. And wouldn't you know it, hand wash cold dropped into my life. The subtitle is: care instructions for an ordinary life, and it came to me--what I had been desperate to find--when I finally stopped searching. For me, it boiled down to the realization I could fully accept that my ordinary self, my ordinary life was exactly what I longed for all along.
You can't imagine what an enormous relief it is to accept yourself and your life...unconditionally accept...as is. Seriously, you can't know unless you finish going round and round and obsessively thinking and judging yourself harshly and wanting what you don't have and even worse, not wanting what you do have and feeling completely inadequate and like you have accomplished little and wondering where the time went and when will you have the time to be and do and acquire all that will finally satisfy your bottomless desire for whatever it is you think you're missing.
I have never really related to books about Zen or Buddhism, but Karen made them accesible by sharing stories of her life that proved she was entirely normal despite being a Priestess. I think I could never relate to Buddhism because Buddhists only spoke in riddles, and their lives were ethereal and I could certainly never reach enlightenment because I didn't actually know what that was. And here Karen was a regular person who did the never ending laundry and loaded and unloaded the dishwasher on a daily basis.
This book was immeniently quotable. There were so many sentences/passages that made the hair on the back of my neck stand up or literally gave me goosebumps. I would be hard pressed to choose the one that stood out most.
So here are several:
"So let's think of this in the simplest way. Attention is the most concrete expression of love. What we pay attention to thrives. What we do not pay attention to withers and dies."
"I hear a lot about living in the moment. I hear about how and why and when, and how hard it is to live in the moment. The truth is, there is not a single person on this planet who is living anywhere but in the moment. It's just not the moment we have in mind. The moment we aspire to live in is a different kind of moment, a better kind. A moment of solitude, perhaps, of quiet satisfaction, of thrilling accomplishment or satisfying retribution, of deep confidence and unshakeable certainty, with children asleep and ducks lined up and ships come in and gravy, and yes, that extra spoonful of gravy on top. That's the moment we are waiting to relish."
"We never fail and we never succeed. We are not the designers of our lives. Life is the designer of us. Life is vast and grand, intelligent and clever, and completely unknowable. It always has the last word. It is the last word (very Buddhist...). Life interrupts us when we are at our most self-assured. Life diverts us when we are hell-bent on going elsewhere. Life arrives in a precise yet unplanned sequence to deliver exactly what we need in order to realize our greatest potential. The delivery is not often what we would choose, and almost never how we intend to satisfy ourselves, because our potential is well beyond our limited, ego-bound choices and self-serving intentions."
I checked hand wash cold from the library, but I'm going to buy a copy because I really want to underline and highlight and make notes in the margins.
I was ready to give up and simply accept who and where I was. And wouldn't you know it, hand wash cold dropped into my life. The subtitle is: care instructions for an ordinary life, and it came to me--what I had been desperate to find--when I finally stopped searching. For me, it boiled down to the realization I could fully accept that my ordinary self, my ordinary life was exactly what I longed for all along.
You can't imagine what an enormous relief it is to accept yourself and your life...unconditionally accept...as is. Seriously, you can't know unless you finish going round and round and obsessively thinking and judging yourself harshly and wanting what you don't have and even worse, not wanting what you do have and feeling completely inadequate and like you have accomplished little and wondering where the time went and when will you have the time to be and do and acquire all that will finally satisfy your bottomless desire for whatever it is you think you're missing.
I have never really related to books about Zen or Buddhism, but Karen made them accesible by sharing stories of her life that proved she was entirely normal despite being a Priestess. I think I could never relate to Buddhism because Buddhists only spoke in riddles, and their lives were ethereal and I could certainly never reach enlightenment because I didn't actually know what that was. And here Karen was a regular person who did the never ending laundry and loaded and unloaded the dishwasher on a daily basis.
This book was immeniently quotable. There were so many sentences/passages that made the hair on the back of my neck stand up or literally gave me goosebumps. I would be hard pressed to choose the one that stood out most.
So here are several:
"So let's think of this in the simplest way. Attention is the most concrete expression of love. What we pay attention to thrives. What we do not pay attention to withers and dies."
"I hear a lot about living in the moment. I hear about how and why and when, and how hard it is to live in the moment. The truth is, there is not a single person on this planet who is living anywhere but in the moment. It's just not the moment we have in mind. The moment we aspire to live in is a different kind of moment, a better kind. A moment of solitude, perhaps, of quiet satisfaction, of thrilling accomplishment or satisfying retribution, of deep confidence and unshakeable certainty, with children asleep and ducks lined up and ships come in and gravy, and yes, that extra spoonful of gravy on top. That's the moment we are waiting to relish."
"We never fail and we never succeed. We are not the designers of our lives. Life is the designer of us. Life is vast and grand, intelligent and clever, and completely unknowable. It always has the last word. It is the last word (very Buddhist...). Life interrupts us when we are at our most self-assured. Life diverts us when we are hell-bent on going elsewhere. Life arrives in a precise yet unplanned sequence to deliver exactly what we need in order to realize our greatest potential. The delivery is not often what we would choose, and almost never how we intend to satisfy ourselves, because our potential is well beyond our limited, ego-bound choices and self-serving intentions."
I checked hand wash cold from the library, but I'm going to buy a copy because I really want to underline and highlight and make notes in the margins.
April 24, 2012
Here is the main thing I learned from this book: from now on, if even one reviewer mentions even the most remote comparison to “Eat, Pray, Love” about a book I’m thinking of reading, I should know to just put the book down and back away.
Like that book, this one started with more than we (or I) care to know about all the men in her life. At least the first 20 or so pages of it, with more later.
Like that story, money was apparently not a problem, as, among other things, she travelled alone to Italy, egged on by her girlfriends who believed she should do it to commemorate her “thirty-eighth lousy birthday”. There, of course, she met her future husband, something she was certain of from the moment she saw him, tho she knew nothing at all about him yet except that “fact”.
I don’t like to dog-ear the pages of books, but in this one I started doing that when a paragraph or repeated phrase annoyed me, and there were many turned-back corners when I got finished.
One thing that I disliked was the repeating of a way of describing life for those of us who need a shining example. For example, “Life is a kitchen. I don’t mean I spend a lot of time in the kitchen, although I do. I don’t mean my life is like a kitchen, although it is...blah blah blah. I mean life is a kitchen, and when you do not see that your life is a kitchen, you may not see your life clearly at all.” This whole series is repeated with her telling us that “Life is laundry” and “Life is a garden”. I just kept thinking how lucky we all are to have her guidance to see our own lives clearly! Its not that I didn’t “get” what she was telling us, it was just in the telling that she lost me. As one reviewer wrote, “it just felt like she tried really hard to relate everything to laundry, just to be able to write a book about herself”.
I won’t go on any more. I didn’t totally hate the book, it was just sooooo not what I wanted it to be, and I had been pretty excited to get my hands on a copy for just a few dollars recently and make it the next book I read. I hoped it would be a book I’d want to read more than once and tell others about. With apologies to the many of you who adored this book, it just wasn’t for me. I’ve read books on buddhism and living in the moment and living simply, and those things deeply interest me, but I felt this book was too uneven. Tho there were little bits here and there that I appreciated, the best part of the whole book for me was the nice cover.
Like that book, this one started with more than we (or I) care to know about all the men in her life. At least the first 20 or so pages of it, with more later.
Like that story, money was apparently not a problem, as, among other things, she travelled alone to Italy, egged on by her girlfriends who believed she should do it to commemorate her “thirty-eighth lousy birthday”. There, of course, she met her future husband, something she was certain of from the moment she saw him, tho she knew nothing at all about him yet except that “fact”.
I don’t like to dog-ear the pages of books, but in this one I started doing that when a paragraph or repeated phrase annoyed me, and there were many turned-back corners when I got finished.
One thing that I disliked was the repeating of a way of describing life for those of us who need a shining example. For example, “Life is a kitchen. I don’t mean I spend a lot of time in the kitchen, although I do. I don’t mean my life is like a kitchen, although it is...blah blah blah. I mean life is a kitchen, and when you do not see that your life is a kitchen, you may not see your life clearly at all.” This whole series is repeated with her telling us that “Life is laundry” and “Life is a garden”. I just kept thinking how lucky we all are to have her guidance to see our own lives clearly! Its not that I didn’t “get” what she was telling us, it was just in the telling that she lost me. As one reviewer wrote, “it just felt like she tried really hard to relate everything to laundry, just to be able to write a book about herself”.
I won’t go on any more. I didn’t totally hate the book, it was just sooooo not what I wanted it to be, and I had been pretty excited to get my hands on a copy for just a few dollars recently and make it the next book I read. I hoped it would be a book I’d want to read more than once and tell others about. With apologies to the many of you who adored this book, it just wasn’t for me. I’ve read books on buddhism and living in the moment and living simply, and those things deeply interest me, but I felt this book was too uneven. Tho there were little bits here and there that I appreciated, the best part of the whole book for me was the nice cover.
January 22, 2018
4.5
"So let's think of this in the simplest way. Attention is the most concrete expression of love. What we pay attention to thrives. What we do not pay attention to withers and dies."
"Instructions for an Ordinary Life" says it all about this book. Stop looking for a place where the grass may be greener, and start making the life you're in now a better one. That's what life is all about - the now.
Pay attention to your kids and the people around you when they ask for it. So many people will say "oh, they're just crying for attention" and shrug it off, but attention is the biggest expression of love there is.
It's an amazing feeling when you just accept yourself and the life you live as it is. Take what you can learn from it and be happy with it. You'll feel so much better when you realize what you do have, instead of fretting and fearing about what you don't have or what may happen.
Cherish yourself and your loved ones while they're here - we're all on a clock and we don't know when anyone's will run out.
Don't spend your life wondering where the time went; do something now while you can to make yourself happy and to make a difference.
The laundry and the dishes may be never-ending, but we can learn a lesson in the simple things, and eventually find them as a sort of meditation.
Beautiful book. Very inspirational. Highly recommended for those just looking to find inner peace.
"So let's think of this in the simplest way. Attention is the most concrete expression of love. What we pay attention to thrives. What we do not pay attention to withers and dies."
"Instructions for an Ordinary Life" says it all about this book. Stop looking for a place where the grass may be greener, and start making the life you're in now a better one. That's what life is all about - the now.
Pay attention to your kids and the people around you when they ask for it. So many people will say "oh, they're just crying for attention" and shrug it off, but attention is the biggest expression of love there is.
It's an amazing feeling when you just accept yourself and the life you live as it is. Take what you can learn from it and be happy with it. You'll feel so much better when you realize what you do have, instead of fretting and fearing about what you don't have or what may happen.
Cherish yourself and your loved ones while they're here - we're all on a clock and we don't know when anyone's will run out.
Don't spend your life wondering where the time went; do something now while you can to make yourself happy and to make a difference.
The laundry and the dishes may be never-ending, but we can learn a lesson in the simple things, and eventually find them as a sort of meditation.
Beautiful book. Very inspirational. Highly recommended for those just looking to find inner peace.
October 22, 2020
Highly driven urban sophisticate overcomes aversion to all things she considered beneath her, and finds happiness in reality of the present moment, while intensifying her capacity for rapid-fire straight talk.
May 31, 2010
Hand Wash Cold is completely unlike any other spirituality/self help book I’ve ever read. These days, most of these books look to manifesting abundance or finding your life purpose. In both cases, bigger, better, and more seem to be the measuring sticks: more money, a bigger house, a successful business, a better relationship, etc.
Hand Wash Cold looks to the everyday. Finding peace in whatever your life happens to be right now. No judgments. Being mindful while you undertake the daily chores. Making real connections in the life you have.
For some reason, we just don’t see the value in the ordinary. After all, it’s not glamorous to do the dishes. There’s no money in picking up your husband’s dirty socks. Yes, these things need to be done but most of us would prefer that someone else do it. But at what cost?
Hand Wash Cold looks to the everyday. Finding peace in whatever your life happens to be right now. No judgments. Being mindful while you undertake the daily chores. Making real connections in the life you have.
For some reason, we just don’t see the value in the ordinary. After all, it’s not glamorous to do the dishes. There’s no money in picking up your husband’s dirty socks. Yes, these things need to be done but most of us would prefer that someone else do it. But at what cost?
May 4, 2011
I loved this book. On its back cover, Elissa Elliott is quoted: "Hand Wash Cold is Eat, Pray, Love without all the scurrying from something..." I think that's very well said. This book made more sense to me than any other alternative spirituality/philosophy of life book I've ever read. It is so honest and so simple. Miller has a lovely critique of "the law of attraction," while still noting that where we place our attention matters--what we give attention to thrives. I don't know that I'll need another book like this for a while, but when I do, I'll certainly know where to look.
October 19, 2011
You don't see me give many 5's...this book is brilliant, creative, down-to-earth, real - something EVERYONE at ANY stage of life needs and can relate to. I began the book on a mountain trip last weekend and read parts of it to my hostess/friend...thinking it would be perfect for her - and as I read I thought, "This would really be great for her daughter."
One read is not enough. I've earmarked so many pages - and Miller has a great reference index in the back by topic....I'll be using this in blogs and columns and have already posted it on my FaceBook page as a MUST READ!
Everyone should keep this book within reach - wisdom of life in quick delicious bites!
One read is not enough. I've earmarked so many pages - and Miller has a great reference index in the back by topic....I'll be using this in blogs and columns and have already posted it on my FaceBook page as a MUST READ!
Everyone should keep this book within reach - wisdom of life in quick delicious bites!
July 27, 2015
I am so fortunate to have stumbled upon Hand Wash Cold this week. Miller's wisdom and humor are marks of a true master teacher & her lesson could not be simpler. Treat yourself to this short, delightful book and you will re-ignite the spark of compassion within yourself - compassion & connection to your family, your community, and yes, even your laundry.
Recommended for everyone, regardless of faith, who wants to recharge their soul and become more comfortable in their daily lives.
Recommended for everyone, regardless of faith, who wants to recharge their soul and become more comfortable in their daily lives.
June 18, 2010
I wanted to love this book. Because I have an ordinary life and I wanted to learn to LOVE my ordinary life. But although there was 1 or 2 memorable lines it was mostly just a lot of chatter.
January 25, 2014
This book should be subtitled "care instructions for the hypocritical life of a privileged upper-middle class white woman". She talks of taking things as they come, and yet admits she still argues with her second husband about the toilet seat? She says she gave up on the idea of idealized storybook romances, yet spares no expensive in idealizing her own life. How great, you have the privilege few do to sell all your possessions, your house, divorce your husband, fly half way across the country to meditate at a retreat, and then fly to Italy where you embark on a brand-new storybook romance in your 40's with someone else--and your advice in the end is that no, your new husband isn't really any better than your old one, you're just more accepting of your unhappiness?
I quit reading at that point. I get that maybe the point is that as a zen priestess or whatever you are constantly trying and "practicing" but, again, the whole "we still argue about the toilet seat" thing is a massive red flag. Are you really happy or better off than you were if you still argue about garbage that isn't important? Are you at all qualified to try to tell people how to be happy if your book makes it shamefully clear that you aren't?
I'm not at all willing to buy this defeatist concept that happiness is surrendering to misery. The author admits to dreaming of being a possessionless monk but "surrenders" herself to a life of dishwashing machine anecdotes. How cute, you can afford to break a dishwasher and immediately replace it. How terrible that must be for you to have abandoned your miserable upper-middle class lifestyle only to land in it again but this time with the Zen ability to revel in it, to realize that life is misery or something.
This book is meaningless to anyone who doesn't live with continual wealth. Even if you do, I have no idea how this book could instruct you on feeling more fulfilled. At her first meeting with her Zen master she asks him how she should bow when leaving, he says some nonsense about how "smartness alone isn't as nice", avoids the question, and she leaves enlightened or at least fearless? What does that mean? Does it mean anything? Did it mean anything to her? Probably not, but it adhered to her storybook concept of spiritual enlightenment.
She says something in the book about how you should judge a teacher by their practice. Based on her continual admissions of being argumentative with her husband, of her infatuation with her appearance and desire of her husband to make more money, her attachment to "stuff", it's pretty safe to say this woman practices not a single thing she claims to preach. She is pretending, living out a life she decided to fantasize about, doing over and over the thing she is telling you not to do.
If being Zen or Buddhist means you just have to be what you've always been, tell other people to not be like you, and write overwrought memoirs romanticizing your "troubled" wealthy life, then I guess anyone can do it... so long as you've got the money. Writing books like this seems to be a good way to keep that money flowing in.
I quit reading at that point. I get that maybe the point is that as a zen priestess or whatever you are constantly trying and "practicing" but, again, the whole "we still argue about the toilet seat" thing is a massive red flag. Are you really happy or better off than you were if you still argue about garbage that isn't important? Are you at all qualified to try to tell people how to be happy if your book makes it shamefully clear that you aren't?
I'm not at all willing to buy this defeatist concept that happiness is surrendering to misery. The author admits to dreaming of being a possessionless monk but "surrenders" herself to a life of dishwashing machine anecdotes. How cute, you can afford to break a dishwasher and immediately replace it. How terrible that must be for you to have abandoned your miserable upper-middle class lifestyle only to land in it again but this time with the Zen ability to revel in it, to realize that life is misery or something.
This book is meaningless to anyone who doesn't live with continual wealth. Even if you do, I have no idea how this book could instruct you on feeling more fulfilled. At her first meeting with her Zen master she asks him how she should bow when leaving, he says some nonsense about how "smartness alone isn't as nice", avoids the question, and she leaves enlightened or at least fearless? What does that mean? Does it mean anything? Did it mean anything to her? Probably not, but it adhered to her storybook concept of spiritual enlightenment.
She says something in the book about how you should judge a teacher by their practice. Based on her continual admissions of being argumentative with her husband, of her infatuation with her appearance and desire of her husband to make more money, her attachment to "stuff", it's pretty safe to say this woman practices not a single thing she claims to preach. She is pretending, living out a life she decided to fantasize about, doing over and over the thing she is telling you not to do.
If being Zen or Buddhist means you just have to be what you've always been, tell other people to not be like you, and write overwrought memoirs romanticizing your "troubled" wealthy life, then I guess anyone can do it... so long as you've got the money. Writing books like this seems to be a good way to keep that money flowing in.
March 15, 2011
My treat for the drive to Boise. Loved Momma Zen and looking forward to this.
ETA: Finished, though it's in the car & I wish I had it to quote correctly. Best thing I've read in ages. Thank you, self, for the gift, Thank you, Karen Maezen Miller for writing it, and thank you Brian for doing all the driving so I could read it in one long stretch.
You know when it feels like everything you come across is conspiring to tell you the same message? I feel like Brene Brown, Katrina Katison and Karen Maezen Miller have formed some sort of superhero tribunal that will change the world through their readers.
And yet the book isn't anything like that, isn't one of those "stand up and change your life or the world" reads, but more of a wake-up and see the world in front of you. I had read her first book, and I enjoy her blog, so I didn't expect to be blown away. I was---especially while sitting across from Bri on a 9 hr drive with three boys in the backseat, days away from celebrating our 17th anniversary, and silently steaming over trivial things.
I wouldn't describe it as an easy read---I know I need to go back and reread. Is she suggesting we give up story? Story---that which I've spent my life studying, teaching, reading, writing? It's a bit of a paradox, because I know what she means, this year of mom being sick has been so much about letting go of the old stories...yet it is the stories that stay with me much more than the fleeting insightful truths. The story of her dishwasher, the magical moment in a garden with a realtor, of her father's dog.
I loved it. And will be invoking it all week as I try to give my boys the attention they crave.
ETA: Finished, though it's in the car & I wish I had it to quote correctly. Best thing I've read in ages. Thank you, self, for the gift, Thank you, Karen Maezen Miller for writing it, and thank you Brian for doing all the driving so I could read it in one long stretch.
You know when it feels like everything you come across is conspiring to tell you the same message? I feel like Brene Brown, Katrina Katison and Karen Maezen Miller have formed some sort of superhero tribunal that will change the world through their readers.
And yet the book isn't anything like that, isn't one of those "stand up and change your life or the world" reads, but more of a wake-up and see the world in front of you. I had read her first book, and I enjoy her blog, so I didn't expect to be blown away. I was---especially while sitting across from Bri on a 9 hr drive with three boys in the backseat, days away from celebrating our 17th anniversary, and silently steaming over trivial things.
I wouldn't describe it as an easy read---I know I need to go back and reread. Is she suggesting we give up story? Story---that which I've spent my life studying, teaching, reading, writing? It's a bit of a paradox, because I know what she means, this year of mom being sick has been so much about letting go of the old stories...yet it is the stories that stay with me much more than the fleeting insightful truths. The story of her dishwasher, the magical moment in a garden with a realtor, of her father's dog.
I loved it. And will be invoking it all week as I try to give my boys the attention they crave.
July 1, 2020
This is a strange little book. There's a lot of cuteness (trite examples, cloying phrases, silly attempts at humor, statements that sound nice and say nothing) that obscures the wisdom that doesn't really take hold because there's still so much...cuteness. The author starts off as so many of these books do caught up in the whirlwind of a modern life driven and fed by money and material wealth (the author sends out her own laundry, thus the metaphor for the book). Then of course her life changes course (was that two divorces [?] and however many boyfriends). Then of course she craves more meaning in life in a wrapper of simplicity. Somewhere in there is a second or maybe third marriage. A daughter. Swapping sending out the laundry for bringing in a team of gardeners. Swapping the corporate for the Zen, complete with the head shaving.
But the author doesn't really seem to "get it" about the simple life. She and hubs are still trying to enroll their daughter in a pricey private school (thank goodness the daughter objects), and they maintain fantasies of their little one attending . . . Stanford, Harvard, Yale? Something like that. Things just don't add up.
And yet my copy of this book is well underlined with, if not earth shattering revelations, or revelations at all, then solid reminders of where we could be in our lives if we focused and chose better. Solid advice especially in these insane times. Yes, we are overstimulated, overindulged, frenetic, crazed...this book does remind us to still ourselves, at least for awhile. And it's sound advice--if you can look past her own continued attachment to the material world and its frenetic pace.
But the author doesn't really seem to "get it" about the simple life. She and hubs are still trying to enroll their daughter in a pricey private school (thank goodness the daughter objects), and they maintain fantasies of their little one attending . . . Stanford, Harvard, Yale? Something like that. Things just don't add up.
And yet my copy of this book is well underlined with, if not earth shattering revelations, or revelations at all, then solid reminders of where we could be in our lives if we focused and chose better. Solid advice especially in these insane times. Yes, we are overstimulated, overindulged, frenetic, crazed...this book does remind us to still ourselves, at least for awhile. And it's sound advice--if you can look past her own continued attachment to the material world and its frenetic pace.
July 8, 2010
I've read Karen's other book, Momma Zen, and enjoyed it tremendously (particularly given that I had just had a baby!) So, when I saw that she had a new book out, I ran to get it as well. Again, it is simply a gem of a book. I just found that I can relate to so many different aspects of the book, and appreciate the wise, kind and gentle ways in which she speaks about life. Over the past 1 1/2 years, I've quit working outside of the home, which is not a common choice where I live. So many are working, running, doing, doing, doing. So, at times, it has felt lonely. There are those moments though, where I can see and feel that I am not alone, that I am connected to a wider, deeper and wise community (of the ages), and this book and Karen's words have helped to give me that feeling. How to be present with the endless laundry, the crawling to and fro, the groceries, and all the joy and drudgery that life brings. How to relate to time, partnering, children, and work is the stuff of what we are and what we do.
I cannot recommend this book enough--in fact, I talk to anyone who will listen about it! Hand Wash Cold: Care Instructions for an Ordinary Life
I cannot recommend this book enough--in fact, I talk to anyone who will listen about it! Hand Wash Cold: Care Instructions for an Ordinary Life
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February 15, 2012"Karen Maezen Miller's Hand Wash Cold celebrates "the inexpressible beauty that comes tucked inside an ordinary life." Hand Wash Cold conveys its deep wisdom with a patient, deceptively gentle voice. Miller's book is easy to read, conversationally written, approachable, and yet it is immensely powerful. Where Kenison speaks often, and lovingly, about her sons, tracing their growth as much as her own, Miller's focuses on her own personal transition from a business career to a quieter life as a Zen priest and on her deep reverence for the details of a quotidian existence. In very different ways, both books share a powerful message: there is radiance in the very small details of our ordinary lives, if we are just patient enough to look for it.
Despite its unassuming surface and title, Hand Wash Cold has the most ambitious and noble goal of all: to change how we live our lives. Miller asserts that life's grandeur is right here, in the laundry, in the dishes, in the view out of the window above the sink."
Read the rest of Lindsey Mead's review at Literary Mama
Despite its unassuming surface and title, Hand Wash Cold has the most ambitious and noble goal of all: to change how we live our lives. Miller asserts that life's grandeur is right here, in the laundry, in the dishes, in the view out of the window above the sink."
Read the rest of Lindsey Mead's review at Literary Mama
July 14, 2010
Hand Wash Cold felt uneven to me - but I suspect that's because I got a great deal more out of the second and third sections of the book than the first, so think of the last part fondly and the first part less so. Miller's strategy - of showing how loving kindness and other Buddhist principles - are as much a matter of everyday application as doing the laundry or the dishes is a great one. Where she and I depart ways is in how Buddhist we are - she is a Zen priest, and I'm fumbling around at the beginning of figuring out what it means to be Buddhist - which also explains why the complete denial of self in the first section felt so alien and undoable to me. Still - I will be forever thankful for this book for the section on attentiveness alone, for the list of items that she suggests make us present for everyone without damaging ourselves (giving a dollar to the guy on the street without once worrying about what he'll spend it on, for example - I love that!)
Very glad I read this; still working out some of the finer details of, oh, life.
Very glad I read this; still working out some of the finer details of, oh, life.
January 2, 2012
One doesn't need to be interested in Zen Buddhism to find the wisdom in this book. Based on the author's ups and downs, failed relationships, broken hearts and motherhood, the pearls of wisdom in this book inspire one to pay attention to our ordinary lives as they are happening right now and how to avoid the pitfalls of always living for the future. The time to pay attention to our kids and the time to use the good china is always now!
Some quotes I found meaningful in this book include:
"Your life, where you are, as you are, is the only paradise you will ever find. Stop judging it as right or wrong, good or bad, and you'll meet it face-to-face. Attend to it, and it will flourish"
"Where do you invest your time, your life, and your love, knowing that whatever you pay attention to thrives."
Some quotes I found meaningful in this book include:
"Your life, where you are, as you are, is the only paradise you will ever find. Stop judging it as right or wrong, good or bad, and you'll meet it face-to-face. Attend to it, and it will flourish"
"Where do you invest your time, your life, and your love, knowing that whatever you pay attention to thrives."
August 29, 2010
I love the premise of this book -- that the path to happiness lies in being fully present in each moment, whether that moment is doing laundry, cleaning dishes, or raking leaves. Since I am not working outside the home, I hoped this book would bring some fresh insights into the happiness that can come from simply being at home. Unfortunately, it was a little disappointing. The writing style was a bit formulaic at times, and while I have a much better sense of the authors life, it didn't offer much new insights I could apply to mine.
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November 3, 2010No, thank you. This book fell victim to my Fifty Page Rule and was reminiscent of Eat, Pray, Love. I didn't hugely care for that book either. I don't relate to the character, and I just felt like she tried REALLY hard to relate everything to laundry, just to be able to write a book about herself. "How can I make a new, kitschy concept for a book that has been written a bunch of times already, so that it will sell to a bunch of women with $15?" It sounds harsh, yes. Unless someone tells me that I must go further because the book is so fabulous, it will remain as unread on my list.
September 6, 2012
I think this book delivered on its premise. It is a nice reminder of finding the sacred in the every day, much in the tradition of Thich Nat Hanh. I don't think it was outstanding. This woman was pretty middle class and didn't seem to have too many financial worries, so it is valid for that experience but may be less so for those who can't identify with her. The prose is solid but nothing I will remember for long. Sometimes she spends too much time expounding on abstract ideas when I wish she would engage me with more scenes and settings.
December 5, 2020
I read one of the author's other books [Paradise in Plain Sight] before this one and preferred it much more. Maybe that's because both books are so similar in content that reading this one felt like a rewrite of the same material.
This book seems a bit preachy and isn't very well structured. The metaphors to laundry seem forced as does the dishing in of Zen Buddhism. I got lost with regard to time periods which made it confusing.
The author at one point asks why anyone would want to marry a friend as though that is preposterous. That seemed kind of telling.
This book seems a bit preachy and isn't very well structured. The metaphors to laundry seem forced as does the dishing in of Zen Buddhism. I got lost with regard to time periods which made it confusing.
The author at one point asks why anyone would want to marry a friend as though that is preposterous. That seemed kind of telling.
June 4, 2010
Really a fantastic, life changing book. But I will say I think you need to be ready for the message. I'm not sure all will buy into it, but it comes with a simplicity of purpose that I enjoyed and relished. Karen does a great job of speaking like a real person. It isn't preachy, it's just real. I can't recommend it highly enough.
For my review and discussion visit: http://www.coffeesandcommutes.com/201...
For my review and discussion visit: http://www.coffeesandcommutes.com/201...
October 5, 2012
I give this 3.5. Nice metaphors, great reminders for those of us interested in eastern philosophy as to how to think and be simple. Though the thoughts are well-written and articulated, I found myself getting annoyed with her white-upper-class perspective. This particularly bugged around all of her writing about child-rearing and schooling. In spite of that, there are enough pieces of writing gems in the book that my copy is dog-eared for pages to come back to.
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April 12, 2011Sorry folks, I just could't do it. I was about 20 pages in when I found myself in a very familiar place: it was Eat, Pray, Love and Julie & Julia all over again. The author repetitively droned on about her depressing and difficult (and very privileged) life. Karen Maezen Miller is definitely a gifted, eloquent writer (I've been looking forward to reading Mama Zen, and I still intend to), but I felt that Hand Wash Cold was just a little overindulgent for me.
May 11, 2011
I had read Mama Zen by this author and very strongly identified with her experience as a new parent, so I was very excited to read this book, her latest. I didn't get as much out of it because my experience and hers diverged in the rest of our lives and I didn't have the same perspective she presented. Nonetheless, I think the advice she offers is valuable, as is her perspective. I definitely thought it was worth reading, just not as much of it applied to me.
August 12, 2012
This is my second time reading this book and I am quite sure it will not be my last. I love how this book focuses on the ordinary life...our every day moments.
It reminds me...that my life is taking place right now... not in some future dream. My life is in how I feed my dog, peel the skin off peaches to make smoothies, dance around my kitchen, blog this book review.
more...http://www.cynthiasblog.com/2012/08/b...
It reminds me...that my life is taking place right now... not in some future dream. My life is in how I feed my dog, peel the skin off peaches to make smoothies, dance around my kitchen, blog this book review.
more...http://www.cynthiasblog.com/2012/08/b...
June 30, 2014
Deeply unsatisfying. The premise seemed good, but the author talked in circles and I couldn't figure out when she was referring to her first husband, second husband, random boyfriends from her days before any husbands.... She broke up her book into three sections, comparing life to laundry, the kitchen, and tending the yard- those metaphors made sense, but then she continued her random thoughts and simply lost me.
February 19, 2012
A wonderfully personal, honest tale of the author's struggle with relationships, marriage, and family, and how she grew on her path with buddhism and meditation practice in the process. I expect I will be re-reading this one quite a few times in the years to come.
February 23, 2012
I read this entire book in two sittings separated only by dinner with my family. I have thirteen pages of highlighted passages in my notes section. Suffice to say, it was invigorating and inspiring. I highly recommend you go pick it up right now.
May 10, 2010
I'm not Buddhist. Not Zen Buddhist. This book, however, was the most peaceful, encouraging book that I have read in a really really REALLY long time!!
May 27, 2010
What a wonderful book! I don't know anyone who will not be able to relate. Anyone who reads this book will take some profound nuggets from it to change how they look at their everyday.
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