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280 pages, Paperback
First published April 1, 1999
'Yes, we must show you how to wear the survivor suits,' said the captain, as I squinted stupidly at the safety poster, a comment I made the terrible error of thinking was a joke. As it transpired, I didn't even see a lifejacket, and even in my darkest hours I was too embarrassed to ask again about the survival suits. Shouting, 'No, no! Come back! Please show me how to live!' as the captain whistled away down the corridor wouldn't have sounded great, and it might easily have cursed the voyage in line with some 'Scottish-play'=type nautical superstition. All I could do was to try and recall from my Bronze Survival Medal course (failed) how you go about making a float by inflating a pair of pyjama bottoms. 'Excuse me, could you blow into my trousers to make them swell up?' was not a question I wanted to ask a sailor.The author was a glutton for punishment. No sooner does he embark in Reykyavik than he goes on a bicycle ride through the dread Kjolur route, some 250 kilometers of uninhabited desolation that marks the center of Iceland. (Some 95% of gthe population of the island live within hailing distance of the coast.)
"An Eskimo calls out a repair man to check his car. The mechanic checks under the bonnet and then offers a diagnosis: 'Looks like you've blown a seal, mate.'
'No', says the driver, nervously fingering his upper lip, 'it's just frost on my moustache.'"
"I would now be required to explain in detail an obscure act of bestiality and its graphic aftermath. These were people I had known for less than thirty-six hours. The closest I'd come to establishing a rapport was to be sick on one of them. I think someone might have laughed, but it could just as easily have been the sound of my soul trying to eat itself."