This Isn't What I Expected: Overcoming Postpartum Depression

by Karen Kleiman, Valerie Raskin

Offering compassionate advice for the approximately 400,000 women who suffer each year from postpartum depression, two doctors provide information on overcoming self-defeating thoughts, medical and therapy treatment options, self-esteem, and depression. Original.

Genres: Parenting, Nonfiction, Self Help, Psychology, Mental Health, Health, Childrens

320 pages, Paperback

First published August 1, 1994

About the author

Karen Kleiman is well known as an international expert on postpartum depression. Her work has been featured on the Internet and within the mental health community for decades. In 1988, Karen founded The Postpartum Stress Center, LLC, a treatment and training facility for prenatal and postpartum depression/anxiety disorders where she treats individuals and couples experiencing perinatal mood & anxiety disorders.

Karen has been interviewed for, featured in, and reviewed by local and national TV, magazines, radio shows and health websites. Her national television appearances include Inside Edition, The Oprah Winfrey Show, NBC Nightly News with Tom Brokaw and The Katie Couric Show. A few popular magazines that have featured her work or interviewed her include: Self Magazine, Fit Pregnancy, Parenting, Working Mother, Star, and Mothering Magazine. Karen is featured as an expert on PsychologyToday.com as a “Best Voice in Psychology” as author of her blog, “This Isn’t What I Expected: Notes on Healing Postpartum Depression”.

Reviews

[Lauren Naylor · Rating 5 out of 5]

I read this book when I was in the throes of the most terrifying time of my life.

The only thing I'd heard about PPD was during my Georgia O'Keefe obsession when I learned that she had no children because Alfred Steiglitz (her famous photographer husband)'s daughter suffered it so badly when he child was born that he did not want to see Georgia suffer through anything like this. I'd read that around 1989.

I gave birth to my first son in 1998, and was completely unafraid of such things.

Little did I know.

Anyway, I suffered. I can't even explain the horrors. I did not have a therapist nor did I want to go to one because I was dead set on breastfeeding meds free for at least the first year.

So I got this book.

I can't tell you how much it helped me get perspective. If you are suffering from this or know someone who is, the best thing is to get them to a specialist who understands PPD, but also: get them this book. It saved my life.

And I was able to avoid it completely, the PPD, with the birth of my second child, and had a much happier time. The second time I gave up on the breastfeeding thing and went on antidepressants 2 weeks before the baby was born, and took all the steps mentioned in the book that I hadn't taken before (support circles to keep an eye on you, ditch the secrecy, and of course the meds/supervision).

The book really saved me.

[Rachel Markowitz · Rating 2 out of 5]

I'm conflicted about this book. It's a very important topic and no doubt revelatory for many new parents. But it perpetuates some really unhelpful gender stereotypes. I suppose the warning should be that this book is really only meant for mostly white, cis, straight, upper-middle class women who are married to men and are part of a "girl tribe" type mentality. I really do think this book could be helpful, I just found a lot of unforgivable bias that made parts impossible to absorb. Potentially helpful to some but harmful to many....

[Stephanie · Rating 3 out of 5]

There is a lot of good information and plenty of validation in this book, and it is a good reference for women who are experiencing postpartum mood disorders. There is, however, a notable socioeconomic class bias in this book, and there are a few eye-rolling recommendations, and in one case it was downright insulting. (Putting on mascara as a way of taking care of yourself? Moms who comfort their babies in the night are insecure and need an ego-boost? Give me a break.) Clearly some pieces need to be taken with a grain of salt or ignored entirely. Still, the sections on medications, therapy, and the self-help portions of this are valuable and worth the recommendation.

[Nida · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book helped me understand and reflect on many difficult feelings I've been experiencing. While it doesn't replace therapy (and it clearly states that), I found it very valuable. I really enjoyed the exercises, even though they were sometimes uncomfortable to engage with.

The only issue I had was when I reached the chapter on recovery. I felt that I wasn't recovered yet, which made me feel a bit worse—as if I was supposed to be better by that point. But that’s probably not the book's fault, lol. Overall, I recommend this to all new mothers.

[Cori · Rating 5 out of 5]

I read this book as apart of the required reading for my childbirth educator certification. I have never experienced postpartum depression, I had read about it in little sections of various pregnancy, birth, and parenting books and I felt I knew what it was all about... yeah I had no idea! I learned so much about how PPD can come about, how it can escalate, when to get professional help and various ways to cope. I didn't know it could last so long, the various kinds of postpartum mood disorders, or how long treatment can often take. Every pregnant woman should have this book on her shelf... just in case she needs it.

[Andrea Usevitch · Rating 4 out of 5]

I read this after I started coming out of my own PPD/Anxiety with my second son. It has a lot of good information for women suffering, and does so without making you feel worse about yourself (as some other websites and books made me feel!). This would be a good read for an expecting mother who is at high risk for developing PPD.

[Amanda Barbour · Rating 3 out of 5]

While there is some decent information in this book, it is clearly biased toward a certain style of p parenting and comes off as overly critical of those who don't follow it. If you fall more along the lines of gentle/attachment parenting, this book is NOT for you.

[Kay Pancakes]

Read as part of my doula training. Sure, a good primer on acknowledging PPD and all the other mood disregulations that come along with pregnancy and postpartum. But goddamn, this book shows its age and its regressive attitudes and it’s straight up wrong advice too boldly. I bristled that the authors kept referring to “returning to your old self.” You won’t return to your old self, you will get comfortable as your new self. Don’t stress about losing the baby weight in a month, a year is a more realistic goal… or, wtf, maybe never. Your body is new and that’s ok. It’s a difficult decision to try therapy?! Nah, everyone should be in therapy, it’s ok you all. Your husband can’t help at nights during the week because he works (unlike you, you dumb lazy depressed bitch), but on the weekends let him feed formula so you won’t even have to pump (only advisable if you don’t want to breastfeed, since this will tank your supply). There’s a whole damn chapter just listing name and generic brands of meds and their dosages?! There has to be a better more modern resource.

[Christina (Ensconced in Lit) · Rating 5 out of 5]

I've read 4-5 post partum books and I think this is the best of the ones I've read. There are chapters defining it, talking about getting help and what kind of help to get, medication talk, therapy talk, exercises to work through some hard past experiences that likely contributed to the PPD, and also how spouses are a key person to help recovery (and gives them chapters to read just for them). Then what recovery looks like. Most of the books follow this trajectory, but I felt that the way this one was written was particularly helpful especially for my personal journey. There aren't a ton of books on PPD so I'm grateful that this one is out there. I would say it is a must read for anyone with PPD or with a loved one with PPD.

[Sharkfeathers · Rating 2 out of 5]

Maybe this book is better in physical form where you can skip over the useless parts. But as someone who tried the audiobook I was not impressed. Not because of the reader, she was fine. But telling people to lie to a makeup counter to get a free makeover when you already feel terrible is bad advice. And where on earth are you going to get this imaginary "Mother's Helper" that is both old enough and big enough to do laundry, but isn't already in school? Am I just supposed to only be depressed on weekends? During summer break? This book gets two stars because the beginning made me feel seen, but the advice just isn't practical or useful to me in anyway. Maybe there's better stuff after the mother's helper bit, but at that point I rage quit from exasperation.

[Shelbi Pekas · Rating 4 out of 5]

A lot of really useful information in here that I enjoyed as someone who works as a nanny with an interest in being both a birth doula and a postpartum doula. I think that this book has a lot to offer because of the range of topics they cover that make up postpartum depression. I found that as someone without kids, there was still content I have applied or have considered in my everyday life such as intergenerational trauma, physical health, setting boundaries with friends and family, etc.

I think as for critiques I would say that some of this book feels outdated in that it would only apply to a certain demographic and I was shocked to learn that the 2020 addition, which is the one I read, made so many outdated assumptions about women, men, and relationships.

[Lukas Lovas · Rating 5 out of 5]

A good book to help understand and overcome postpartum depression. It's more of a workbook, so if you're not suffering it yourself, there's quite a few parts you might want to skip. Additionally, there's a chapter given over to specific drugs listing brand names, off brand names etc, which is, I imagine, quite helpful for people living in the US, but not that much for other countries, where those can be different. Definitely worth a read, if you are or your loved one is affected.

[Morgan Hall · Rating 3 out of 5]

I am reviewing this as a birth worker who utilized this book as part of my training- not as a mother who suffered from PPD herself

The version I read was from 2013, so some of the information felt slightly outdated. However, I think having an understanding of this topic is critical for people who work with post partum families. I am grateful to hear all the stories and tools that can be used to help others when they are dealing with that.

[Amber · Rating 5 out of 5]

A must read if you or someone you love has ppd or ppa

This is a wonderful book with practical tools to help you through the devastation of postpartum depression and/or anxiety. This book is also great for loved ones who aren't sure how to help a struggling new mom. I highly recommend this book.

[Sierra · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is packed with super valuable information for new parents, care givers, and loved ones of new parents. I’m positive I’ll be able to use the information I learned from this book to assist my future clients and friends. ❤️

[Anna · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great book to reflect on the factors that contribute to stress and depression postpartum. Not every section of this book will be for everyone; for example, I skipped the chapter on medications but took my time reading through expectations of motherhood. Take what you need and leave the rest.

[Erin · Rating 4 out of 5]

This title basically says it all about motherhood!

[Tabitha · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great for my doula work! It even comes with checklists to help identify the type of PPD one is feeling and how to help.

[Hannah Mallory · Rating 4 out of 5]

I read this book as part of the DONA doula certification process and really enjoyed it! I can confidently recommend this book now. A great read for any new or soon to be parent.

[Cara Lynn]

Not the best PPD book, but still some good info in here.

[Knudsenem · Rating 4 out of 5]

A very thorough and detailed outline of what it may be like living with PPD. A long read to digest and break down. Some parts were easier to read after coming "out of the fog" of PPD.

[Ania · Rating 5 out of 5]

Fantastic resource. Informative and easy to read. Exercises in each chapter to work through topics. Bonus further reading provided at the end.

[Amanda · Rating 2 out of 5]

Rudimentary, insufficient, and belabored points. Disappointed these are the PPD gurus. As a mental health professional, I see why people have been referred to me after not feeling helped by the postpartum center. Okay for some basic knowledge for some. The book could’ve been half the length and covered the same amount of information.

[Karisa Totah · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book is a really helpful and in-depth overview of postpartum depression (PPD) and its related illnesses. Speaking as one who's never had a baby nor experienced PPD firsthand, I cannot say whether this book would be a comfort and help when you're in the thick of it all. My guess is it would be an invaluable reference book to have on hand prior to giving birth. It could be a great tool for the birthing parent to reach out to for guidance, but also a really great tool for the partner to better understand the birthing parent's struggles and when to go get outside help.

Reading this as a doula, I think it will be a great resource for me to recommend to clients, to reference when interacting with clients, and for informing how I prepare families for possible experiences with PPD. I have a much better perspective on the importance of discussing PPD with clients now and look forward to using some of the questionnaires in this book for preparing my clients.

I chose a four star rating simply because this was not a lifechanging book for me personally and the audiobook reader was a little irritating to listen to (unlike the reader of the Womanly Art of Breastfeeding which I read in January....that gave me all the warm fuzzy feelings). I also, as just mentioned, had recently read a book on breastfeeding that took the stance that breastfeeding can nearly always continue even if momma is on medications (obviously chemo meds and the like would be the exception and you always want to consult the experts on your specific situation). I would never presume to tell clients to go against doctor's recommendations or to forego medicine for PPD, but I think I just didn't appreciate the sometimes dismissive way that this book referred to breastfeeding.

But all in all, I would recommend this book for sure. Even if you're not expecting yet, I think this is a highly helpful topic to learn about pre-pregnancy. I know it has benefited me personally in knowing how to prepare.

[Rindy Girl · Rating 4 out of 5]

This Isn't What I expected is a thorough overview of postpartum depression (PPD). It discusses the symptoms of PPD, how to seek help, various medications that can help, different types of therapy/counseling, recovery and there is even a chapter specifically written for the partner. I would recommend this book to any new mom (or her partner) who suspected she might be getting or suffering from PPD. This Isn't What I Expected will help you identify your feelings and symptoms and you will know if they are due do PPD or perhaps just the baby blues. This book is a great resources; however, I do not feel it can replace the benefits of talking to a professional about your PPD. This book will compliment professional treatment. PPD is a very serious issue and must be taken seriously. This book will give you the heads up on what few people know much about.

[Leilani · Rating 5 out of 5]

I appreciated how often the author stopped and made it clear that for certain symptoms of ppd, you need more than this book and need to seek professional help as well. She lists those symptoms as well. Some chapters were more helpful than others but I think what helped me the most was just feeling HEARD. Not feeling alone, and reminding myself that this wasn't my fault and there was nothing "wrong" with me. It really hammers in the point that ppd is a sickness that is TREATABLE, because you often feel as if you'll feel this way forever.
If you're suffering from ppd, this book definitely won't hurt. May as well try everything, find all the support comfort you can, specially if you feel as if no one in your real life understands what you are going through.

[Victoria Rogowski · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was life-changing for me, and I’m shocked that so few people have read and rated it. I guess that’s part of the problem with PPD - it’s not widely understood and accepted enough. This book gave me a beautiful sense of introspection, and being able to identify what was happening to me was invaluable. The tone of the book was written so lovingly and optimistically, I felt like I was listening to a friend, and that alone has assisted in my recovery. I do wish there were more CBT-style exercises and strategies included to be used specifically for PPD, but still, the book provided an excellent first step for readers to know what to seek out next. This book should be considered by anyone who’s ever struggled in the postpartum period.

[Kim · Rating 5 out of 5]

I was in denial about how I was feeling, and a beloved family member bought this for me, knowing it was what I was going through. I feel more empowered and optimistic about life and my job as a mother now having read it. I understand my illness better, and ways that I can deal with it. I have reached out to a therapist as well as a result of this book. I highly recommend it -- even if you feel just a little off after having your baby. The last few chapters were very helpful for me as well, as they were exercises in rerouting my negative thoughts. I still have a long road ahead, but I'm not as scared of it and I feel like I can handle it -- with the support of those that love me and the tools I have obtained from the book.

[Laura · Rating 4 out of 5]

A wonderful resource for women struggling with PPD, filled with very helpful information on coping techniques, therapy, medication, and more.

But one big beef with this book was it did feel a bit exclusionary. If you aren't middle-class, married and straight you might be turned off by some of the language and assumptions. Case in point, the continual usage of "husband," to which the author even adds a disclaimer that she means it to include any sort of partner. So why not just use the more inclusive partner? PPD is so hard to deal with already, and I would hate for a woman who really needs this book to be discouraged as it doesn't seem to be for her.

[Jennifer Kronk · Rating 4 out of 5]

I've never been pregnant and I've never struggled with depression. I found this book when researching PPD for school. It is a wonderful resource full of workable and positive solutions for women and men coming to terms with PPD and what it means for their families.
I would like to see a new addition with more up-to-date information about food therapies as well as more inclusive language that reflects the modern day diversity in families.
Otherwise, this was a great help and interesting read that I actually had a hard time putting down.