So one day I was sitting at home, minding my own business, when my brother walks in and tells me about this creature he heard about called Cthulhu. The name alone was enough to pique my interest – how do you say Cthulhu? Why is it spelled so weird? Is it “Ka-thoo-loo” or is the C silent? What about that second H?
I looked up this creature and the images that popped up blew my mind. I’ve always been afraid of the deepest parts of the ocean. It’s so far down that sunlight can’t reach it. The pressure is so great, a human would be flattened like a pancake. And yet there are creatures that live down there with great bulbous eyes, razor-thin teeth, and fluorescent body parts. It’s a weird and unholy place down there. If I was ever down there and I came up against some sort of monstrosity, I would be utterly helpless. You can’t swim away because they’re all way faster than you. You can scream because you can’t breathe in the first place. All you can do is watch as a tentacle wraps itself around your leg and pulls you towards a black, gaping beak. Oh yeah – giant squids have beaks. How messed up is that?! What a terrible, terrible way to go. It’s my worst nightmare. It’s the fear of drowning, claustrophobia, and being eaten – all at once.
Needless to say, Cthulhu seemed like the absolute personification of my greatest fear. Cthulhu is a monstrous being that exists in the realm between the physical and the supernatural. He’s got a squid-face, dragon wings, arms, legs, and eyes that would suck the soul right out of your body if you ever looked him in the eye. He’s a truly mythical creation. So that day as I looked at the horrific depictions online of the creature, I knew that some day I’d have to read the story that introduced him to the world.
Unfortunately, I was fairly disappointed. The collection of Lovecraftian tales that I purchased had 9 different stories within. I read 5 of them before giving up: Dagon, Herbert West – Reanimator, The Call of Cthulhu, The Dunwich Horror, and The Whisperer in Darkness. Dagon wasn’t so bad. It was a short read, and it did a good job of quickly setting the stage for a thoroughly weird horror story. The Call of Cthulhu was also interesting enough to keep me going. I liked how the narrative followed a man trying to piece things together in his study of this ‘Cthulhu Cult’. But for the rest of the stories, it just seemed so obvious to me how much the author was padding his narratives. His writing is jargonous – and by that I mean to give a precise example of how he wrote. ‘Jargon’ basically means ‘too wordy’, and ‘jargonous’ is a made-up extension of that word. Most of his writing is like that. He packs all these dense words in when he could just as easily use simpler language. I’m all for using the English language to the fullest, but when you’re using a fancy word, it should make things clearer for the reader. More often than not, Lovecraft’s writing serves only to confuse me – and his stories are already about confusing and weird subjects. And man, you would not believe how much he drags things out. Evidently these stories were published in chunks for a magazine. So for Herbert West – Reanimator, each chapter begins with a lengthy summary of what I just read five minutes ago. Honestly, I must have read six times how one character has blue eyes. Who cares? Just get to the point. Either write a new story for each issue, or trust your readers enough to remember important plot points. For The Whisperer In Darkness, a guy corresponds with another guy through letters. The second guy is scared of aliens in the woods. First of all, there’s nothing scary to me about aliens, partly because I don’t believe in them. I suppose fear of a sea monster like Cthulhu is just as irrational, but hey, at least we’ve seen weird deep-sea animals. Secondly, these two guys correspond back and forth over and over again, and each time you think something is exciting is going to happen. Nothing exciting ever happens. At one point the first guy makes the drive down to the woods to find the other guy, and there’s a whole chapter where he’s just driving. I don’t care about the driving! Put this guy in front of some aliens already!
I don’t like walking away from books before I’ve finished them, but it’s October 5th and I have plenty of other horror stories on my shelf to read before the Christmas season rolls around. In short, I love Lovecraft’s monsters – and his shared narrative universe is kind of interesting – but on the whole, it’s his style of writing that pushed me away. Sorry, Cthulhu. Your author is as convoluted as your name.