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Coping with Difficult People: The Proven-Effective Battle Plan That Has Helped Millions Deal with the Troublemakers in Their Lives at Home and at Work
THE CLASSIC PERSONAL DEVELOPMENT BESTSELLERThe next time they try to pull something like that on you, it's not going to work Bosses, friends, family members, they've made your life hell -- until now. Based on fourteen years of research and observation, Dr. Robert Bramson's proven-effective techniques are guaranteed to help you right the balance and take charge of your life.
Learn how to:
Stand up to anyone -- without fightingBlunt a sniper's attackGet stallers off the dimeMove a complainer into a problem-solving mode
Learn the six basic steps that allow you to cope with just about anyone. Reclaim the power that rightfully belongs to you in any relationship.
Learn how to:
Stand up to anyone -- without fightingBlunt a sniper's attackGet stallers off the dimeMove a complainer into a problem-solving mode
Learn the six basic steps that allow you to cope with just about anyone. Reclaim the power that rightfully belongs to you in any relationship.
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First published January 1, 1981
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 76 reviews
May 17, 2010
I've been doing psychiatric counseling for a few years and I'm always looking for good resources, both for myself and as recommendations for the general public. This book sets the standard for the topic. I have two main issues for review: first for the general and then for the professional.
Bramson makes the point toward the end that this is not a "self-help" book in the sense of improving self image or self esteem. It is, as it claims, a guidebook for how to cope with difficult people in your life. To be clear, it's not a book to improve your self image, to get motivated, to have a sense or purpose, etc. that so many of the self-help books of that era promise. More to the point, it is not a book on how to change people around you. As he frequently points out, this book is about finding ways to deal with people and situations when we can't escape and can't change them.
The book addresses 7 types of difficult people (or more accurately, 7 categories of difficult behavior or personalities):
- Hostile-Aggressive (that threaten, intimidate, or attack you)
- Complainers (that raise dissent without working toward solutions)
- Clams (that are silent and unresponsive to you)
- Super-agreeable (that can't say 'No' when they should)
- Negativist (that erode motivation, like a wet blanket)
- Know-it-all Expert (that won't or can't hear other opinions)
- Indecisive Staller (that can't make a decision, urgent or not)
I wouldn't be surprised if you find the writing a little dry or the examples a bit too simple. A few times I found myself thinking, "Are you serious...?" But that's really beside the point. The lessons are clear, the examples are simple to follow, and the theory is sound. Is it a solution to every interpersonal problem? Of course not. Bramson's point is that you won't be worse off than you are now for trying.
Regarding professional counseling issues, this book should be standard reading. I'm sure not everyone will go for it, but it's an easy, short and accessible resource. I didn't feel any strong allegiance to any school or orientation in the field. Perhaps it belongs in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (doesn't everything now?) just based on it's practical approach and its focus on adjusting attitudes through action. But again, I think Bramson is right to say this is not a proper "self-help" book, and more a critique of social interactions. A recurring theme is how most of these problems we have with people grow out of proportion due to learned customs and proper etiquette - even when it doesn't fit or make sense. Perhaps I'm contradicting myself, but it seems to be an open-ended format that would lend itself well to an of the schools.
Bramson makes the point toward the end that this is not a "self-help" book in the sense of improving self image or self esteem. It is, as it claims, a guidebook for how to cope with difficult people in your life. To be clear, it's not a book to improve your self image, to get motivated, to have a sense or purpose, etc. that so many of the self-help books of that era promise. More to the point, it is not a book on how to change people around you. As he frequently points out, this book is about finding ways to deal with people and situations when we can't escape and can't change them.
The book addresses 7 types of difficult people (or more accurately, 7 categories of difficult behavior or personalities):
- Hostile-Aggressive (that threaten, intimidate, or attack you)
- Complainers (that raise dissent without working toward solutions)
- Clams (that are silent and unresponsive to you)
- Super-agreeable (that can't say 'No' when they should)
- Negativist (that erode motivation, like a wet blanket)
- Know-it-all Expert (that won't or can't hear other opinions)
- Indecisive Staller (that can't make a decision, urgent or not)
I wouldn't be surprised if you find the writing a little dry or the examples a bit too simple. A few times I found myself thinking, "Are you serious...?" But that's really beside the point. The lessons are clear, the examples are simple to follow, and the theory is sound. Is it a solution to every interpersonal problem? Of course not. Bramson's point is that you won't be worse off than you are now for trying.
Regarding professional counseling issues, this book should be standard reading. I'm sure not everyone will go for it, but it's an easy, short and accessible resource. I didn't feel any strong allegiance to any school or orientation in the field. Perhaps it belongs in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (doesn't everything now?) just based on it's practical approach and its focus on adjusting attitudes through action. But again, I think Bramson is right to say this is not a proper "self-help" book, and more a critique of social interactions. A recurring theme is how most of these problems we have with people grow out of proportion due to learned customs and proper etiquette - even when it doesn't fit or make sense. Perhaps I'm contradicting myself, but it seems to be an open-ended format that would lend itself well to an of the schools.
July 3, 2008
I'm looking for a book on this subject that is interesting to read and doesn't bore me with anecdotes about people I don't care about. This book is a quick read, but what I got out of it could have been conveyed in 50 pages. If the subject has to be fluffed up to make a book, the writing needs to be much more entertaining. If you have a particular person in mind when you pick up this book, I'd jump right to the chapter devoted to them.
November 15, 2019
This book was structured and informative. I found it a useful guide for stakeholder management.
Taking a step back to understand that people we call difficult are not unique to us, that they have a purpose behind their behaviours, and that they can be effectively managed if we look at the situation objectively can be a very powerful tool in our interactions with these people.
In Bramson’s words: “What makes it possible to cope with Difficult People at all is that, like everyone else, they have positive responses in their repertoire. If you can learn to avoid doing and saying those things that elicit the negative behavior from a Difficult Person and structure the interaction so as to encourage his or her positive, more productive responses, then you will be coping more successfully with that individual.”
Taking a step back to understand that people we call difficult are not unique to us, that they have a purpose behind their behaviours, and that they can be effectively managed if we look at the situation objectively can be a very powerful tool in our interactions with these people.
In Bramson’s words: “What makes it possible to cope with Difficult People at all is that, like everyone else, they have positive responses in their repertoire. If you can learn to avoid doing and saying those things that elicit the negative behavior from a Difficult Person and structure the interaction so as to encourage his or her positive, more productive responses, then you will be coping more successfully with that individual.”
November 4, 2021
the psychology of this book is like mba mbti which is to say absolutely on the rocks but the first half is actually rly useful in its provision of specific tactics for disrupting a fucked up interaction cycle when you need to get something done with someone who is miserable to work with lol, and in this light the emphasis on coping alone rly works and so i guess does the mba
May 20, 2018
We have all felt victim to forces beyond our control. Bureaucracies are huge and can seem inflexible. Accidents and illness void carefully made plans. "The world is great and fate conspires" is an accurate, if partial, description of anyone's life. All of us, therefore, can feel angry helplessness when the negative realities in a situation are pointed out in a way that communicates discouragement.
I loved this book.
It starts with an overview of the types of difficult people:
1) Hostile-Aggressives (bully and bombard others, making cutting remarks, and throwing tantrums when things don't go the way they should)
2) Complainers (tends to complain but never act - probably because they feel powerless or because they refuse to bear responsibility)
3) The Clams (silent and unresponsive)
4) Super-agreeables (personable people who appear supportive and sincere but will often act contrary to what you expect - because they fear disappointing you)
5) Negative people (object to suggestions or change; create a feeling of powerlessness)
6) Bulldozers and Balloons (people who pretend to be experts - they know everything and will make you feel like an idiot)
7) Indecisive stallers (they don't want to say no, or wait for perfection)
I did feel that the chapters could have been re-ordered so similar types could be better contrasted against each other - e.g. hostile-aggressives followed by bulldozers; complainers followed by negative people.
Each chapter also contains coping strategies for these personality types. I loved that the book provided generic example phrases.
The last three chapters were the overview chapters. Chapter 9 dealt with how to cope, by (1) assessing the situation, (2) stop wishing that it was a different situation (3) get distance (4) formulate coping plan (5) implementation (6) monitoring effectiveness. I did like the author's observation that:
The way people behave is not due solely to an early earned set of personality traits, although personality traits certainly have much to do with anyone's behaviour. ... Personality is simply the repertoire of strategies and tactics for dealing with life that an individual has learned to prefer. Any specific situation at times pulls out and at times inhibits certain of the strategies in that person's armentarium.
Chapter 10 was an extension of the preceding chapters, by looking at thinking styles. This is basically a framework of people's values. There are five basic ones: (1) synthesist (2) idealist (3) pragmatist (4) analyst (5) realist. I liked it for the introduction to the Inquiry Mode Questionnarie: Preferences in Ways of Asking Questions and Making Decisions.
Chapter 11 was how to cope with your own defensive behaviour.
I loved this book; I felt it was written very clearly and contained good examples. 5/5 stars
October 15, 2009
There are some other books out there on the same subject. Some, like "Toxic Coworkers," may do the job even better. But this is still a useful volume. As the Introduction notes (page 1): "This is a book about impossible people and how to cope with them." Coping is the center of this work--how to deal with workers who are difficult to work with. The idea? (Page 7): "Coping enables you and the Difficult Person to get on with the business at hand." "Win-win" is the goal. Is the advice useful? Each reader will have to decide for him/herself?
The book describes a variety of difficult types: hostile-aggressive, the complainer, unresponsive ones, wonderfully nice people who don't perform, the negativist, know-it-alls, and indecisive stallers. For each, the author describes the malady and then suggests how one might work with them to get the best out of them. The book closes, also, with ideas as to how one can manage one's own "defensive behavior" around such problem workers. The author concludes (page 214): ". . .many people just like you have found that coping effectively with difficult people is possible."
Final question: How well does the book succeed? Not bad, but the solutions will not convince all readers.
The book describes a variety of difficult types: hostile-aggressive, the complainer, unresponsive ones, wonderfully nice people who don't perform, the negativist, know-it-alls, and indecisive stallers. For each, the author describes the malady and then suggests how one might work with them to get the best out of them. The book closes, also, with ideas as to how one can manage one's own "defensive behavior" around such problem workers. The author concludes (page 214): ". . .many people just like you have found that coping effectively with difficult people is possible."
Final question: How well does the book succeed? Not bad, but the solutions will not convince all readers.
August 16, 2010
Helpful book to pick up when you encounter a person who is a particular challenge and you have to deal with them on a regular basis. Teaches techniques to de-emphasize emotional aspects and view the situation from a safe distance. Invaluable with certain people.
May 6, 2014
Let me give you a break down of the book. It is separated it to chapters based on the type of difficult behavior. Some are: hostile-aggressive, complainers, silent and unresponsive, negativists, super-agreeables, ext. The first of each chapter has real examples of those types of difficult people. It continues by analyzing the behavior, then gives you different detailed coping strategies, real life examples of the strategies in action, tips on how to implement the coping and a quick review page to look at when you know your going to need to deal with a particular difficult person. The last chapters deal with thinking methods and coping with your own defensive behavior.
The many real life examples of difficult people and good implementation strategies in the book are the most helpful for me as I read the book. They help me in-vision what I will do in my own coping plan. One of my favorite examples is one about a silent and unresponsive type difficult person. She is an employe of a company that is having some trouble with the new file system. This has caused her work to be sloppy. Her boss calls her in to talk with her about her work and being a silent and unresponsive difficult person she doesn't talk or really say anything. The boss however is able to lure a helpful response out of her, using the coping strategies, and they were able to talk about the problem.
I'd like to say that I was a natural at fist attempts to cope with difficult people, but it took quite a bit of practice to make most my coping plans productive at all. The most helpful chapters had to be The Hostile-Aggressive Trio and Bulldozers and Balloons. I've learned how to work with people that most people would be afraid of, in a way that doesn't always end up in a yelling fest. I found out that I can actually be a difficult person at times. When I am difficult it tends to be more a bulldozer like behavior. And that actually is the reason I tend to clash with more bulldozer like people. Learning about how difficult people think, has really helped me understand them better.
Reading Coping With Difficult People for me has been a life saver and has given me the ability to be more productive and a lot less frustrated and angry when interacting with difficult people and people that are just difficult at times. I would recommend Coping With Difficult People to anyone. It is one of the most professional yet non-boring books I have ever read. And I hope fellow reader that you give it a try.
The many real life examples of difficult people and good implementation strategies in the book are the most helpful for me as I read the book. They help me in-vision what I will do in my own coping plan. One of my favorite examples is one about a silent and unresponsive type difficult person. She is an employe of a company that is having some trouble with the new file system. This has caused her work to be sloppy. Her boss calls her in to talk with her about her work and being a silent and unresponsive difficult person she doesn't talk or really say anything. The boss however is able to lure a helpful response out of her, using the coping strategies, and they were able to talk about the problem.
I'd like to say that I was a natural at fist attempts to cope with difficult people, but it took quite a bit of practice to make most my coping plans productive at all. The most helpful chapters had to be The Hostile-Aggressive Trio and Bulldozers and Balloons. I've learned how to work with people that most people would be afraid of, in a way that doesn't always end up in a yelling fest. I found out that I can actually be a difficult person at times. When I am difficult it tends to be more a bulldozer like behavior. And that actually is the reason I tend to clash with more bulldozer like people. Learning about how difficult people think, has really helped me understand them better.
Reading Coping With Difficult People for me has been a life saver and has given me the ability to be more productive and a lot less frustrated and angry when interacting with difficult people and people that are just difficult at times. I would recommend Coping With Difficult People to anyone. It is one of the most professional yet non-boring books I have ever read. And I hope fellow reader that you give it a try.
May 19, 2019
Coping With Difficult People is an exceptionally formatted audiobook. It is speckled with live explanations from experts and examples from victims of the Hostile Aggressive Trio. These testimonies make the audiobook fly by and it keeps the listener engaged in a pretty boring subject. The audiobook is layed out with an explanation of the type of difficult person, testimonies from experts and victims, an example situation, and advice on how to deal with these kinds of people. This layout repeats for each kind of difficult person, which makes it easy for the listener to follow. The book talks about many different types of difficult people. I have already tried to employ a few of the strategies from the book, so I would recommend it to everyone.
June 23, 2019
There are people we deal with in work and in life that make us scratch our heads: there are some who are as unresponsive as clams, and others who are as explosive as dynamite. Some competent people want it their way; otherwise, nothing's going to be done. All these difficult people have come to be due to a defense mechanism developed during their formative years that allows them to cope in an uncaring world.
Dr. Bramson provides methods to cope with such individuals, and he does it in an uncomplicated and educated manner that what is specifically supposed to be done with these individuals are coherently written.
Dr. Bramson provides methods to cope with such individuals, and he does it in an uncomplicated and educated manner that what is specifically supposed to be done with these individuals are coherently written.
January 29, 2015
what i learned:
We all have a framework for how we see the world and that informs our behavior. We all have certain core motivations (control, approval, being needed) and that also informs our behavior. When we perceive our core motivations are threatened, we respond defensively. Battling any of this behavior head-on is likely to fail. Enter "coping" - reacting in ways that redirect to a path that fits with your target's worldview and motivation and therefore leads things in a positive direction. Simple in concept, challenging in action.
We all have a framework for how we see the world and that informs our behavior. We all have certain core motivations (control, approval, being needed) and that also informs our behavior. When we perceive our core motivations are threatened, we respond defensively. Battling any of this behavior head-on is likely to fail. Enter "coping" - reacting in ways that redirect to a path that fits with your target's worldview and motivation and therefore leads things in a positive direction. Simple in concept, challenging in action.
October 31, 2007
Good book with specific steps to deal with 7 different types of difficult peoople. A lot of the recommendations fit well with what I've learned in the leadership program at work, but instead of a generic approach for everyone, it gave specific steps for specific situations. It was worth reading if you have difficult coworkers or if you need to be prepared to deal with anyone! ;-)
June 15, 2017
Interesting observations and so helpful hints. Definitely directed to a workplace environment rather than one's personal life (that was what I was looking for).
April 9, 2024
Very excited to start deciphering What Exactly Is Wrong with my boss now that I've read this.
Dr. Bramson writes an overall clear-eyed and straightforward book. This isn't a self-help book, and it doesn't profess to be a magic bullet or all things to all people. He is very upfront about the fact that the personality categories of "difficult people" are oversimplified for the sake of illustration and explanation, that most people will exhibit more than one of the tendencies described, and that it is up to you to decide which tendencies and how much of each to come up with your coping strategies.
I also appreciate that he states what may be the very obvious but could have been overlooked...this isn't necessarily easy to do. (One particular sentence near the end where he mentions "white knuckled, dry throat, voice cracking") but nevertheless it's in your prolonged best interest to at least try to come up with some sort of coping strategy following his advice.
It really doesn't take long to read this book, and for the boost of confidence and at least a rather more broad view of the problems you might be facing I'd say it's worth it, if you're questioning whether to read it or not.
Dr. Bramson writes an overall clear-eyed and straightforward book. This isn't a self-help book, and it doesn't profess to be a magic bullet or all things to all people. He is very upfront about the fact that the personality categories of "difficult people" are oversimplified for the sake of illustration and explanation, that most people will exhibit more than one of the tendencies described, and that it is up to you to decide which tendencies and how much of each to come up with your coping strategies.
I also appreciate that he states what may be the very obvious but could have been overlooked...this isn't necessarily easy to do. (One particular sentence near the end where he mentions "white knuckled, dry throat, voice cracking") but nevertheless it's in your prolonged best interest to at least try to come up with some sort of coping strategy following his advice.
It really doesn't take long to read this book, and for the boost of confidence and at least a rather more broad view of the problems you might be facing I'd say it's worth it, if you're questioning whether to read it or not.
January 14, 2025
There are times when we, like Scar from the Lion King, bemoan the fact that we are "surrounded by idiots." However, unlike Scar, we simply cannot kill a few people, take over, and dictate to everyone what is to be done. Even if we could, it would probably end up just as disastrous.
More to the point, in this life we deal with a TON of problem-people. I've been in Christian ministry part-time and full-time for years and have dealt with all sorts of unpleasant people and unpleasant circumstances. This book would have been a lifesaver, and maybe even a job saver!
The main course of the book categorizes different kinds of people and how they typically interact and cause headaches. Then, it suggests ways to deal with them on equal footing and hopefully bring resolution and relief to the stress, while also bringing change.
I highly recommend everyone in Christian Ministry take a look at this book. Applying its suggestions with the grace and confidence in God would help resolve many problems with deacons, members, and even outsiders.
More to the point, in this life we deal with a TON of problem-people. I've been in Christian ministry part-time and full-time for years and have dealt with all sorts of unpleasant people and unpleasant circumstances. This book would have been a lifesaver, and maybe even a job saver!
The main course of the book categorizes different kinds of people and how they typically interact and cause headaches. Then, it suggests ways to deal with them on equal footing and hopefully bring resolution and relief to the stress, while also bringing change.
I highly recommend everyone in Christian Ministry take a look at this book. Applying its suggestions with the grace and confidence in God would help resolve many problems with deacons, members, and even outsiders.
December 29, 2021
"This book is about impossible people and how to cope with them" (1)
I thought this book was very well written and laid out. It displayed the behaviours and how to cope with each behaviour for each type of personality. It was great in both personal and professional settings.
This book was a long read; as it took me about a week to read.
I would recommend this book to anyone!
I thought this book was very well written and laid out. It displayed the behaviours and how to cope with each behaviour for each type of personality. It was great in both personal and professional settings.
This book was a long read; as it took me about a week to read.
I would recommend this book to anyone!
December 27, 2022
Exactly as the title says. It's not about trying to change difficult people, just practical guidance in how to cope with them when need be. I liked how for each "type" of difficult person, Bramson provided practical 1,2,3 style steps to deal with them as effectively as possible. I highlighted lots and will have this book on the "reference" shelf for when I need it next.
October 25, 2019
A useful, well structured guide to cope with the most difficult people in your life. Extensive and filled with relatable real-life examples, the book is incredibly accessible. Sometimes it suffers from its age.
March 13, 2023
Found this informative and doable
March 24, 2023
I liked the tip about pattern interruption. The last chapter was rambling filler.
July 9, 2024
Reasonably still relevant today!
January 31, 2025
The defined types of “difficult people” are spot on, but the language used in descriptions and examples is so dated. (1980s) It would be great to see a revised edition.
July 15, 2023
Great common sense tactics and very helpful tips I wouldn't have thought of. Very easy and clear to read, well laid-out info with "revision of the coping techniques" at the end of each "difficult person" segment.
October 2, 2016
If you're looking for a book to help you understand different types of difficult people, how they act, and why they act that way this is the book for you. What I loved most about it was the focus on understanding the behavior and the information on how to cope with people in your life who act this way. This book does not focus on how to change other people's behavior because that's not possible. The only thing we can change is our own actions and how we feel about a certain situation. In this book, Bramson proposes we can accomplish this by learning coping behaviors. The main focus is on dealing with people in a work setting, but the methods are easily adaptable to personal life as well.
The book addresses 8 "types" of difficult people: Hostile-Aggressives, Complainers, Silent and Unresponsive people, Super-Agreeables, Negativists, Know-it-Alls, and Indecisive Stallers. For each category of difficult person, Bramson discusses what the behavior looks like, why people do it (I love how he includes scientific information like reinforcement and not just emotional reasons) and then explains step-by-step methods for coping using real life examples from his consulting career. The idea behind the coping methods is that they "interfere with the "successful" functioning of the difficult behavior."
After going through the different "types" individually the author includes chapters that give a basic formula for developing an action plan that you can use when preparing to deal with a difficult person, information on different thinking styles and how they affect the behaviors of difficult people and the person trying to cope, and ways to manage the defensive behavior that will ultimately arise both in the difficult person and the person applying these coping methods.
What I found most valuable was the focus on coping. The author stresses that a lot of times you are not going to end up with an ideal situation, but you will end up with one that alleviates a lot of the stress and mental anguish that goes along with not dealing with difficult people. He demonstrates through examples and explanations that since you can't change a difficult person, you have the options of suffering or coping, and coping is just better for everyone involved. I knew Bramson was hitting home and giving me applicable information when I started to see how my own actions in past situations actually fed into the difficult behavior and made it worse. I was then able to think about what the outcome would have been if I had instead applied the coping methods detailed in this book. I can say that I have confidence that with some practice my future interactions with difficult people will be much more successful and less stressful.
originally posted on my blog http://www.f1helpme.wordpress.com
The book addresses 8 "types" of difficult people: Hostile-Aggressives, Complainers, Silent and Unresponsive people, Super-Agreeables, Negativists, Know-it-Alls, and Indecisive Stallers. For each category of difficult person, Bramson discusses what the behavior looks like, why people do it (I love how he includes scientific information like reinforcement and not just emotional reasons) and then explains step-by-step methods for coping using real life examples from his consulting career. The idea behind the coping methods is that they "interfere with the "successful" functioning of the difficult behavior."
After going through the different "types" individually the author includes chapters that give a basic formula for developing an action plan that you can use when preparing to deal with a difficult person, information on different thinking styles and how they affect the behaviors of difficult people and the person trying to cope, and ways to manage the defensive behavior that will ultimately arise both in the difficult person and the person applying these coping methods.
What I found most valuable was the focus on coping. The author stresses that a lot of times you are not going to end up with an ideal situation, but you will end up with one that alleviates a lot of the stress and mental anguish that goes along with not dealing with difficult people. He demonstrates through examples and explanations that since you can't change a difficult person, you have the options of suffering or coping, and coping is just better for everyone involved. I knew Bramson was hitting home and giving me applicable information when I started to see how my own actions in past situations actually fed into the difficult behavior and made it worse. I was then able to think about what the outcome would have been if I had instead applied the coping methods detailed in this book. I can say that I have confidence that with some practice my future interactions with difficult people will be much more successful and less stressful.
originally posted on my blog http://www.f1helpme.wordpress.com
January 10, 2016
I certainly appreciated learning the tactics that are most likely to work with difficult people of varying types. However, the last two chapters were even more useful because they helped me figure out my own thinking styles and how that affected my interactions with difficult people. That information was extremely reassuring for me, even though they also contained the cautions that coping techniques may not work at once (and with some individuals not at all). Just having that understanding set my mind at ease. I also loved the action plan outline the author provided.
My only complaint is that the vast majority of the scenarios are work based. The author does make a note when one will have to adjust a particular technique to accommodate a personal relationship, but I think I would have liked to see a scenario reflecting that. I may have to supplement what I've learned here with another book that deals with more personal relationships.
I definitely will be re-reading this book, and I definitely recommend it.
My only complaint is that the vast majority of the scenarios are work based. The author does make a note when one will have to adjust a particular technique to accommodate a personal relationship, but I think I would have liked to see a scenario reflecting that. I may have to supplement what I've learned here with another book that deals with more personal relationships.
I definitely will be re-reading this book, and I definitely recommend it.
May 20, 2015
This book presents a common-sense approach to dealing with some difficult people. The categories of difficult people described are purposefully broad, and in this manner, create a rough outline by which to start tackling the reader's particular situation. The author emphasizes his book won't cure what ails you, but provides strategies for living with the disease so-to-speak. I picked this up since my position in HR requires me to work with the full gamut of personalities available in all levels of the organization from an employee relations standpoint, and sometimes I just need a refresher on how to handle the worst of the bunch with kid gloves. It was a quick and easy read, but the subject matter is, unfortunately, so tiresome by its very nature that I can't say I enthusiastically loved reading it.
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August 28, 2015This book was really informative. I wish I had discovered it about ten years ago. I think it would have really helped me cope with some situations that should not have become so complicated and stressful. This book describes different types of people that prove difficult to handle and ways to cope. I think the most important thing I realized from this book is that the majority of people are not consciously difficult and half the trouble is how your reaction can escalate the situation if you employ defensive mechanisms. I will now constantly monitor myself for any triggering of defense mechanisms and try to cope in more appropriate ways. At least now I feel that I will have options next time I encounter someone that conflicts with my preferred thinking type and proves difficult for me to deal with.
March 18, 2016
This book is definitely all about what the title says: coping. Bramson gives some good overviews of archetypes you'll see in offices around the world, and even though the book is dated now (teletype?), the people we all work with are generally still the same.
The thing that bothered me the entire time was that he decided to write a book about coping with difficult people instead of a book about how to change those difficult people for the better, through training, self-awareness, etc. Maybe he's secretly trying to fix the reader (and I know I saw some of myself in his descriptions, and so should you, if you are being honest), but I felt myself wanting more every time he described a good way around difficult behavior instead of dealing with the underlying issue.
The thing that bothered me the entire time was that he decided to write a book about coping with difficult people instead of a book about how to change those difficult people for the better, through training, self-awareness, etc. Maybe he's secretly trying to fix the reader (and I know I saw some of myself in his descriptions, and so should you, if you are being honest), but I felt myself wanting more every time he described a good way around difficult behavior instead of dealing with the underlying issue.
December 27, 2017
A good read if you deal with difficult people
What I like about this book is that it describes different types of difficult people, offers examples nd coping strategies. However, it is designed more for work and professional situations and not marital, which I knew going into this. It did give me some good ideas in coping with certain situations. I especially liked the author's non-biased views, making sure we re not being too judgemental and are fair in our assessments. I do feel, personally, that many difficult people are narcissists, and it's extremely difficult dealing with them so while the coping strategies might work, they may not be effective for hard-core narcissists
What I like about this book is that it describes different types of difficult people, offers examples nd coping strategies. However, it is designed more for work and professional situations and not marital, which I knew going into this. It did give me some good ideas in coping with certain situations. I especially liked the author's non-biased views, making sure we re not being too judgemental and are fair in our assessments. I do feel, personally, that many difficult people are narcissists, and it's extremely difficult dealing with them so while the coping strategies might work, they may not be effective for hard-core narcissists
March 25, 2012
The edition I read was very old, published in the early '80s. I hope later editions have updated research.
RE: this edition, I found his choice of personality types to be accurate but I disagreed with some of his analysis of why these personalities emerge.
I think sociology and business psychology has come a long way since this edition was written. Anyone who has spent any time in college has likely spent time in a management class and thus examined the topics he addresses in this book, and probably in greater detail.
His writing style is very boring and dry. I hope that has improved too.
RE: this edition, I found his choice of personality types to be accurate but I disagreed with some of his analysis of why these personalities emerge.
I think sociology and business psychology has come a long way since this edition was written. Anyone who has spent any time in college has likely spent time in a management class and thus examined the topics he addresses in this book, and probably in greater detail.
His writing style is very boring and dry. I hope that has improved too.
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