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Letting Go of the Person You Used to Be: Lessons on Change, Loss, and Spiritual Transformation
The beloved American Lama, a spiritual leader whose inimitable light andlively universal teaching style has awakened the spirituality of thousands, now shares an enlightened approach to change and loss, dealing with difficult emotions such as fear, grief, and anger, and the role of crisis in uncovering our authentic selves.For many people, recent years have been characterized by profound change, whether it relates to financial upheaval, political shifts, or even massive losses of life to disease and violence. Even on the personal level each person must confront the curves life throws his or her way. Buddhism has a great deal to say about change and impermanence and how to meaningfully deal with it. Change--whether on a large or small scale--provides our most important opportunity for learning about ourselves and the nature of reality. From this essential insight Lama Surya Das has crafted a fulfilling and important path to understanding and healing ourselves and finding peace.Full of personal stories, anecdotes, practical exercises, guided meditations and reflections, and pithy original aphorisms, Letting Go of the Person You Used to Be addresses life's most universal difficulties in a way that is accessible to all. By using memorable concepts such as The Virtues of Adversity, The Pearl Principle ("No inner irritation, no pearl"), and Gaining through Loss, Surya reminds readers that hiding from change and loss is futile. Learning to consciously accept and embrace change leads to a better understanding of ourselves and our own innate divine light.
240 pages, Kindle Edition
First published January 1, 2003
134 people are currently reading
2711 people want to read
About the author
Surya Das
62 books288 followersLama Surya Das is one of the foremost Western Buddhist meditation teachers and scholars, one of the main interpreters of Tibetan Buddhism in the West, and a leading spokesperson for the emerging American Buddhism. The Dalai Lama affectionately calls him “The Western Lama.”
His most recent book is Make Me One with Everything: Buddhist Meditations to Awaken from the Illusion of Separation. He is well known for his internationally bestselling Awakening the Buddha Within: Tibetan Wisdom for the Western World and the sequels in the “Awakening” trilogy, Awakening to the Sacred: Creating a Spiritual Life from Scratch and Awakening the Buddhist Heart: Integrating Love, Meaning and Connection into Every Part of Your Life. His other books include:
Buddha Standard Time: Awakening to the Infinite Possibilities of Now
The Mind Is Mightier Than the Sword: Enlightening the Mind, Opening the Heart
Natural Radiance: Awakening to Your Great Perfection
Buddha Is as Buddha Does: The Ten Transformative Practices of Enlightened Living
The Big Questions: How to Find Your Own Answers to Life’s Essential Mysteries
Letting Go of the Person You Used to Be
Awakening the Buddhist Heart: Integrating Love, Meaning,
Natural Great Perfection: Dzogchen Teachings and Vajra Songs, with Nyoshul Khenpo
The Snow Lion’s Turquoise Mane: Wisdom Tales from Tibet
Lama Surya Das has spent over forty years studying Zen, Vipassana, yoga, and Tibetan Buddhism with the great masters of Asia, including the Dalai Lama’s own teachers. He is an authorized lama and lineage holder in the Nyingmapa School of Tibetan Buddhism, and a personal disciple of the leading grand lamas of that tradition. He is the founder of the Dzogchen Center in Cambridge, Massachusetts and its branch centers around the United States. Surya has brought many Tibetan lamas to this country to teach and start centers and retreats over the years. As founder of the Western Buddhist Teachers Network with the Dalai Lama, he regularly helps organize its international Buddhist Teachers Conferences. He is also active in interfaith dialogue and charitable projects in the Third World, and has recently turned his efforts towards youth and contemplative education initiatives, what he calls “True higher education and wisdom for life training.”
As a sought after speaker, Lama Surya Das teaches and lectures around the world, conducting meditation retreats and workshops. He is also a published poet, translator, and chant master. His blog, “Ask the Lama,” can be found at www.askthelama.com and his lecture and retreat schedule are listed on his website www.surya.org. Follow him on Facebook--Lama Surya Das--and Twitter--@LamaSuryaDas.
His most recent book is Make Me One with Everything: Buddhist Meditations to Awaken from the Illusion of Separation. He is well known for his internationally bestselling Awakening the Buddha Within: Tibetan Wisdom for the Western World and the sequels in the “Awakening” trilogy, Awakening to the Sacred: Creating a Spiritual Life from Scratch and Awakening the Buddhist Heart: Integrating Love, Meaning and Connection into Every Part of Your Life. His other books include:
Buddha Standard Time: Awakening to the Infinite Possibilities of Now
The Mind Is Mightier Than the Sword: Enlightening the Mind, Opening the Heart
Natural Radiance: Awakening to Your Great Perfection
Buddha Is as Buddha Does: The Ten Transformative Practices of Enlightened Living
The Big Questions: How to Find Your Own Answers to Life’s Essential Mysteries
Letting Go of the Person You Used to Be
Awakening the Buddhist Heart: Integrating Love, Meaning,
Natural Great Perfection: Dzogchen Teachings and Vajra Songs, with Nyoshul Khenpo
The Snow Lion’s Turquoise Mane: Wisdom Tales from Tibet
Lama Surya Das has spent over forty years studying Zen, Vipassana, yoga, and Tibetan Buddhism with the great masters of Asia, including the Dalai Lama’s own teachers. He is an authorized lama and lineage holder in the Nyingmapa School of Tibetan Buddhism, and a personal disciple of the leading grand lamas of that tradition. He is the founder of the Dzogchen Center in Cambridge, Massachusetts and its branch centers around the United States. Surya has brought many Tibetan lamas to this country to teach and start centers and retreats over the years. As founder of the Western Buddhist Teachers Network with the Dalai Lama, he regularly helps organize its international Buddhist Teachers Conferences. He is also active in interfaith dialogue and charitable projects in the Third World, and has recently turned his efforts towards youth and contemplative education initiatives, what he calls “True higher education and wisdom for life training.”
As a sought after speaker, Lama Surya Das teaches and lectures around the world, conducting meditation retreats and workshops. He is also a published poet, translator, and chant master. His blog, “Ask the Lama,” can be found at www.askthelama.com and his lecture and retreat schedule are listed on his website www.surya.org. Follow him on Facebook--Lama Surya Das--and Twitter--@LamaSuryaDas.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 71 reviews
April 4, 2009
Lama Surya Das is one of the wisest, most gentle people on this earth, and this book helped me through one of the most difficult periods of my life. Going through the loss of the love of my life not withstanding, this book changed me as a person and changed my outlook on life - even in a time of great pain and suffering. I recommend it to anyone dealing with loss or change, both of which are inevitable in this life. This book will change you, it will speak to you, and it will touch your heart.
June 26, 2012
I've been having an odd time reading this. The first chapter started off in fairly standard cliched self helpish, and then suddenly veered into random chanting (a bit startling, considering there was no introduction to or explanation of the particular strain of Buddhism the author follows).
Along the way there have been some fair insights and a few worthwhile quotes and ideas, but I can't get past how American it is. The cultural references, phrasing, the stories. All seem very rooted in a particular culture's myth and they just don't ring true for me. In the end I felt suspended between confusingly vague Buddhism and someone quite sensible talking a little bit lazily and indulgently about life lessons they've learned. It's like being cornered at a party by an ageing hippy who wants to tell you about the amazing trip they once took to India.
I was looking for something that could confront the fear and loneliness of loss. A book dealing with those subjects, I feel, needs to be raw and completely open and honest. I think there must be better, clearer, more honest books out there on the subject, whether that's Buddhism or loss. I'll keep looking.
Along the way there have been some fair insights and a few worthwhile quotes and ideas, but I can't get past how American it is. The cultural references, phrasing, the stories. All seem very rooted in a particular culture's myth and they just don't ring true for me. In the end I felt suspended between confusingly vague Buddhism and someone quite sensible talking a little bit lazily and indulgently about life lessons they've learned. It's like being cornered at a party by an ageing hippy who wants to tell you about the amazing trip they once took to India.
I was looking for something that could confront the fear and loneliness of loss. A book dealing with those subjects, I feel, needs to be raw and completely open and honest. I think there must be better, clearer, more honest books out there on the subject, whether that's Buddhism or loss. I'll keep looking.
March 18, 2013
Lama Surya Das does a great job of linking non-attachment to awareness and letting go whenever facing anything difficult in your life. He has a nice balance of both stories from different people's lives as well as general teachings on the topic. I have two other books of his that I haven't either started or finished but this book has really motivated me to dig into them.
February 24, 2016
I thought it was a very simple and easy to read book with excellent anecdotes. The subtle incorporation of basic meditation methods were very helpful and relatively easy to comply. For anyone wanting to start practicing meditation, at the same time wanting to understand the "how and why," this book will be a great tool.
September 17, 2009
A wise mentor gave me this book... I'm learning! Good read about loss and life.
October 20, 2023
Definitely read this book at the right time for me. Doesn't fully line up with the values and practices, but I think everyone could get something out of it.
A little heavy on the 9/11 content, but that's what you get with American non-fiction from 2003
A little heavy on the 9/11 content, but that's what you get with American non-fiction from 2003
September 4, 2014
This book is written from a Buddhist perspective mixed with a post-modern and Western understanding. I appreciate that Lama Surya Das integrates philosophies from various religions, mythologies, thinkers and writers (from Thoreau to Jung to Campbell). He acknowledges the complexities of letting go of problems & difficulties (big and small). He also acknowledges there's some experiences you don't get over, and you don't need to... but you can still let go. What's really great about this book is that it's designed for every person for every day living. You don't need to wait to pick this up until you're in a hard spot, suffering one of lives greater changes or losses. He talks about everything from losing your car keys to losing your job. Starting to understand and accept impermanence today is going to help you through all of life's planned and unplanned changes, regardless of where your life is at in this moment.
I originally picked this book up at the beginning of last summer. I spotted it in my favorite store in Santa Barbara, Paradise Found, during my graduation weekend. Moving on from grad school was a hugely transformational time in my life, and this book looked like the perfect guide for letting go and moving on to the next adventure. However, along with many other books, it spent a lot of time sitting in my ever-growing to-read pile. Now that I'm weeks away from entering motherhood, which I suspect is going to be the biggest adventure and change of my life, I figured I should dig in. I want to be more centered, more mindful, more flexible. (I also want to pass these values on to Baby Girl). Impermanence is something that has greatly been on my mind throughout my pregnancy. To begin with, it's something I'm living with daily as my body is continually changing and each week brings new experiences. And I know it will be the same with a growing newborn/baby/child. Every day will be new and filled with change. Learning to let go is powerful at this time, especially for someone who loves to plan and have control over every detail of life.... Impermanence has also been on my mind through my pregnancy as I watch life changes around me. I've attended 2 funerals, 2 weddings, and other baby showers. New life, new beginnings, and endings abound. The finiteness of life has never seemed so tangible to me. And neither has the importance of a regular mindfulness practice. This book was the perfect guide to address all these different changes and transformations we all face in life.
"We meditate on impermanence in order to cultivate a full awareness and appreciation for the transitory nature of life and all things. Nothing ever remains that same; every breath, every moment, every object, every animal, every insect, every bird, every fish, every human is her only for a limited amount of time. When we are going through bad times, it can be very comforting to reminded of the fleeting an transitory nature of all things. In short, we are all in the same boat . . . Everything passes; nothing remains. Understand this, loosen your grip, and find serenity." (p. 30-31).
"Letting go means letting come and go - letting be. It means coming to accept what can't be changed even while working for positive growth, change, and transformation. Letting be is a way of one-ness and loving life is all its surprising forms. This is how we befriend ourselves and befriend the whole world." (p. 110).
"Mindfulness helps us feel the pain and have a direct perception of reality, and there is wisdom in that. There is wisdom in feeling what you feel. Mindfulness can help us be there and work through the stages of grief. Mindfulness also helps us see the beauty and joy that continue to surround us." (p. 154).
"The fact that everything changes leaves much room for us to grow, transform, and renew ourselves. Changes allows for constant regeneration and renewal." (p. 184).
"When we are no longer so tightly identified with who we used to be and how we think things should continue to be - based on the past - every moment of wakefulness is an opportunity actualize and enjoy our inherent freedom, wholeness, and perfection. The heart-mind is gorgeous in its authentic natural state!" (p. 195).
I originally picked this book up at the beginning of last summer. I spotted it in my favorite store in Santa Barbara, Paradise Found, during my graduation weekend. Moving on from grad school was a hugely transformational time in my life, and this book looked like the perfect guide for letting go and moving on to the next adventure. However, along with many other books, it spent a lot of time sitting in my ever-growing to-read pile. Now that I'm weeks away from entering motherhood, which I suspect is going to be the biggest adventure and change of my life, I figured I should dig in. I want to be more centered, more mindful, more flexible. (I also want to pass these values on to Baby Girl). Impermanence is something that has greatly been on my mind throughout my pregnancy. To begin with, it's something I'm living with daily as my body is continually changing and each week brings new experiences. And I know it will be the same with a growing newborn/baby/child. Every day will be new and filled with change. Learning to let go is powerful at this time, especially for someone who loves to plan and have control over every detail of life.... Impermanence has also been on my mind through my pregnancy as I watch life changes around me. I've attended 2 funerals, 2 weddings, and other baby showers. New life, new beginnings, and endings abound. The finiteness of life has never seemed so tangible to me. And neither has the importance of a regular mindfulness practice. This book was the perfect guide to address all these different changes and transformations we all face in life.
"We meditate on impermanence in order to cultivate a full awareness and appreciation for the transitory nature of life and all things. Nothing ever remains that same; every breath, every moment, every object, every animal, every insect, every bird, every fish, every human is her only for a limited amount of time. When we are going through bad times, it can be very comforting to reminded of the fleeting an transitory nature of all things. In short, we are all in the same boat . . . Everything passes; nothing remains. Understand this, loosen your grip, and find serenity." (p. 30-31).
"Letting go means letting come and go - letting be. It means coming to accept what can't be changed even while working for positive growth, change, and transformation. Letting be is a way of one-ness and loving life is all its surprising forms. This is how we befriend ourselves and befriend the whole world." (p. 110).
"Mindfulness helps us feel the pain and have a direct perception of reality, and there is wisdom in that. There is wisdom in feeling what you feel. Mindfulness can help us be there and work through the stages of grief. Mindfulness also helps us see the beauty and joy that continue to surround us." (p. 154).
"The fact that everything changes leaves much room for us to grow, transform, and renew ourselves. Changes allows for constant regeneration and renewal." (p. 184).
"When we are no longer so tightly identified with who we used to be and how we think things should continue to be - based on the past - every moment of wakefulness is an opportunity actualize and enjoy our inherent freedom, wholeness, and perfection. The heart-mind is gorgeous in its authentic natural state!" (p. 195).
April 21, 2017
Lama Surya Das, an authorized lama in the Dzogchen lineage of Tibet and author of the best-selling book Awakening The Buddha Within, offers practical advice about dealing with change, loss, and spiritual transformation in the book Letting Go of the Person You Used To Be.
The book is broken into sections that focus on different aspects of the main topic, such as "Naming Our Losses", "Letting Go of the Person You used to Be", and "Being Heroic in the Face of Loss". Each chapter opens with a thought-provoking and inspiring quote from the likes of Buddhist teachers, Mark Twain, Charlie Parker, and Philo. The words by these wise people offer an excellent introduction to the chapter's topic and serve as a mindfulness reminder before the reader begins the chapter.
Following the opening quote, each chapter launches into a discussion of the topic and includes anecdotes from Buddhist teachers and friends of Surya Das. The chapter then closes with a spiritual or meditation practice that can be cultivated to work on and integrate the topic.
I read Awakening The Buddha Within several years ago when I first became interested in meditation and only had a preliminary interest in Buddhism, and really enjoyed it. I was unaware that it was the first book in a trilogy until picking up this book and reading a bit more about it. This has definitely sparked my interest in reading more by Surya Das!
Overall, I found the book to be extremely valuable and easy to read. I marked inspiring stories, quotes, and pieces of advice to return to later, and also plan to explore the meditation practices included at the end of each chapter. I would recommend this book for anyone, regardless of whether they desire a change or are currently experiencing loss, because both are things that we will all come across during our lives.
The book is broken into sections that focus on different aspects of the main topic, such as "Naming Our Losses", "Letting Go of the Person You used to Be", and "Being Heroic in the Face of Loss". Each chapter opens with a thought-provoking and inspiring quote from the likes of Buddhist teachers, Mark Twain, Charlie Parker, and Philo. The words by these wise people offer an excellent introduction to the chapter's topic and serve as a mindfulness reminder before the reader begins the chapter.
Following the opening quote, each chapter launches into a discussion of the topic and includes anecdotes from Buddhist teachers and friends of Surya Das. The chapter then closes with a spiritual or meditation practice that can be cultivated to work on and integrate the topic.
I read Awakening The Buddha Within several years ago when I first became interested in meditation and only had a preliminary interest in Buddhism, and really enjoyed it. I was unaware that it was the first book in a trilogy until picking up this book and reading a bit more about it. This has definitely sparked my interest in reading more by Surya Das!
Overall, I found the book to be extremely valuable and easy to read. I marked inspiring stories, quotes, and pieces of advice to return to later, and also plan to explore the meditation practices included at the end of each chapter. I would recommend this book for anyone, regardless of whether they desire a change or are currently experiencing loss, because both are things that we will all come across during our lives.
May 30, 2012
I really enjoyed Surya Das' book "Awaken the Buddha Within" and so very much looked forward to reading this. Fortunately, I was not disappointed! Although a short read, Das manages to encapsulate a lot of Buddhist wisdom in ways that are both relatable and easy to grasp. When people ask me what they should read to get into Buddhism, Surya Das books are always at the top of the list for those very reasons. It can be difficult to relate to the life experiences of monks who have only known life in a secluded monastery. Das, a United States native born and bred in New Jersey, is able to take that same knowledge down from the mountains and present it in a fashion that more Westerners can understand. While "Awaken" is a summary of the Buddhist belief system, this book is more of a manual for getting over difficult life events - so if you've recently broken up with someone, or mourning the death of a loved one, I highly recommend this book. If you're new to Buddhism in general, then I would instead recommend you to his other book "Awaken the Buddha Within".
January 20, 2009
I'm apparently too tired not to give a book five stars tonight. No I actually did like all of these books. This book has a new age title, but thankfully the content is far more traditional. There is no karma drive through in das' world. This is a very "religious" book which for me is always slightly of being that I am not a very religious person. I don't believe in Tibetan Buddhism and am drawn to secular Indian and Zen for very specific reasons. But none of that negates the meaning of the Tibetan stuff for me. In fact I love it deeply. religion can be interpreted in many ways as for deities. Different and wrong are not even close to the same thing.
October 17, 2012
This book started off a little slow for me. As a friend stated, "it seemed like he was trying to work into the topic." However, as he got going he gave so many great exercises and examples that it made the topic very accessible. I also like how Lama Surya Das puts a western spin on Buddhism, not dumbing it down in any way, but making it more relevant to the daily lives of Americans. He provides a lot of stories and examples that are very easy to relate to. This is definitely one that I'll keep on my shelf and return to again and again when I need exercises to help me get "unstuck" in particular areas.
April 29, 2015
This book has taken me quite some time to finish due to life happenings and other books I am reading in addition to, but it has been nothing short of a joyful journey to read. I have been looking for a book to help me grow on my spiritual path and self development for quite some time and I am happy to say that Lama Surya Das has been a profound spiritual teacher on my personal journey. This book is definitely a must read for those trying to reach self actualization or grow as a person. There is so much to learn and take away from this book that you can apply to your life!
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February 4, 2010Oh my gosh...I can't express how much this book has influenced my way of thinking lately. It's inspirational and didactic. I love how it helps you to look at life from a whole new perspective and to let go of things that seem so overwhelming. I think it is a great read as well for anyone experiencing a loss of a loved one, a loss of self or direction, or just generally feeling lost in general. Highly recommend it!!
August 17, 2010
Nothing terribly new here if you've red other Buddhist philosophy books, and Surya Das relies on a few too many cliched phrases, but his message is innocuous, even comforting. Basically we all lose things/people whom we love in this life, so we need to cherish what we have now. Also there are all sorts of love beyond just romantic love--love of nature, animals, children, etc. There are plenty of opportunities to welcome new forms of love into our life.
August 27, 2011
This was excellent. I plan on reading his other books on Buddhism as well. Over the past two years I went through a rough time, I had a relationship end badly, I lost a very dear friend to cancer and I have been finding peace and strength through Buddhist meditation practices. It has truly helped me work through some of the things that I need to work through and this book was a very helpful read. Highly recommended.
March 10, 2017
I purchased this book in 2014 because I thought it would help me deal with getting past some family issues I was dealing with. Well... it didn't. However, after going through a traumatic life altering medical condition, I couldn't put the book down. This is definitely one of my favorite books. If you are trying to recover from trauma I highly recommend this book.
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September 5, 2020Do things just happen by accident? The way that I came to read this book made me question that statement. Is there some sort of intentionality behind them? Sometimes. Perhaps. Let me explain the circumstances and see what you think.
It was a balmy autumn Saturday in 2004 and I was looking forward to my usual Saturday morning ritual, to have my breakfast of toasted Turkish bread, smothered in butter and vegemite out on the balcony while I read the Sydney Morning Herald, something I couldn’t manage during the working week. I am in the process of doing the Mastery and Service course with PeopleKnowhow, a four month long personal development course and it is stirring up some “stuff” such that I am feeling a little off this morning. My breakfast routine might help with the mood so I go out to get the paper from my drive but what, no paper! I look up and down the street, but no papers delivered anywhere. Damn! But ok, I will just drive down to my local shopping centre and pick up a paper from the newsagents and have a nice coffee with a breakfast down there.
When I get to the shops I notice that I am still feeling strangely restless. It also occurs to me that the paper may well be delivered later so why pay for another one. What else to do while I enjoy my breakfast and coffee? As I wander around the shops looking for some inspiration I happen upon the local branch of a national bookshop chain, Dymocks. It is sure to have something I might want to read. However browsing around the shop in my current state of mind presents a myriad of options but no ready solutions. As I walk along the last set of bookshelves against the wall one book is sticking out of the row as if someone browsing it hasn’t pushed it all the way back in. Of course I have to look at it and the title was enough to grab me instantly. It was exactly what I was starting to go through with the Mastery and Service course. I quickly flicked through the book and saw enough to suggest I needed to buy this book and read it right now.
Suffice to say, this book lived up to the promise of the title and certainly exceeded any expectations I may have had. Once I started on it I couldn’t put it down. I have re-read it recently to bring this review to you and I still found it difficult to put down and full of new and interesting things that I might have missed the first time around.
Firstly a little about the author. Lama Surya Das is an American who as a young man in the 1970’s travelled through India and Asia seeking answers to growing up in a post war era like many others of his generation. Das went a little further than most and became a Lama in the Tibetan Buddhist tradition. He returned to the USA in his thirties to help bring the Buddhist philosophy to his fellow Americans. This book followed on from his epic “Awakening” trilogy of books.
We must learn the hard lesson that without the pain of inner irritation, the pearls of wisdom will not be produced within us. I lovingly call this The Pearl Principle: no pain, no transformative gain.
LAMA SURYA DAS IN “LETTING GO OF THE PERSON YOU USED TO BE”
I have often heard the phrase “getting in touch with the real you” as if there is a mystical persona within us that we have lost touch with. I see that “real you” as just the original pure love that we started with before we added with age and experience layers of things like phobias, fears, likes, dislikes, prejudices, preferences. And that is just what they are, layers. Layers that we can shed like snakes shed their skin from time to time. We are still the pure essence of love below that surface of the various personae we adopt and take on. And that is what this book is designed to do, allow you to shed your old persona and take on a new one, with the security of knowing that the “real you”, the all loving you, will remain intact and that you may even get closer to this essential you in the process.
“There is a world of difference between giving up and letting go. Giving up implies negative feelings of hopelessness or despair. Letting go means letting come and go – letting be. It means coming to accept what can’t be changed even while working for positive growth, change and transformation. Letting be is a way of oneness and loving life in all its surprising forms. This is how we befriend ourselves and befriend the whole world.”
LAMA SURYA DAS IN “LETTING GO OF THE PERSON YOU USED TO BE”
This book is not a structured A to Z, step by step, type of instruction book but rather a collection of notes and exercises, tools that can be used to make subtle and some not so subtle changes in the way you live your life. It is a book that could have been written just for the time we currently live in where people are being forced to re-evaluate what is important to them, what options for change do they have available to cope with the current situation where their old jobs, their old way of life may no longer fit, like the old snake skin, and needs to be let go.
I highly commend this book to you to read, to live, and re-read as things change for you.
It was a balmy autumn Saturday in 2004 and I was looking forward to my usual Saturday morning ritual, to have my breakfast of toasted Turkish bread, smothered in butter and vegemite out on the balcony while I read the Sydney Morning Herald, something I couldn’t manage during the working week. I am in the process of doing the Mastery and Service course with PeopleKnowhow, a four month long personal development course and it is stirring up some “stuff” such that I am feeling a little off this morning. My breakfast routine might help with the mood so I go out to get the paper from my drive but what, no paper! I look up and down the street, but no papers delivered anywhere. Damn! But ok, I will just drive down to my local shopping centre and pick up a paper from the newsagents and have a nice coffee with a breakfast down there.
When I get to the shops I notice that I am still feeling strangely restless. It also occurs to me that the paper may well be delivered later so why pay for another one. What else to do while I enjoy my breakfast and coffee? As I wander around the shops looking for some inspiration I happen upon the local branch of a national bookshop chain, Dymocks. It is sure to have something I might want to read. However browsing around the shop in my current state of mind presents a myriad of options but no ready solutions. As I walk along the last set of bookshelves against the wall one book is sticking out of the row as if someone browsing it hasn’t pushed it all the way back in. Of course I have to look at it and the title was enough to grab me instantly. It was exactly what I was starting to go through with the Mastery and Service course. I quickly flicked through the book and saw enough to suggest I needed to buy this book and read it right now.
Suffice to say, this book lived up to the promise of the title and certainly exceeded any expectations I may have had. Once I started on it I couldn’t put it down. I have re-read it recently to bring this review to you and I still found it difficult to put down and full of new and interesting things that I might have missed the first time around.
Firstly a little about the author. Lama Surya Das is an American who as a young man in the 1970’s travelled through India and Asia seeking answers to growing up in a post war era like many others of his generation. Das went a little further than most and became a Lama in the Tibetan Buddhist tradition. He returned to the USA in his thirties to help bring the Buddhist philosophy to his fellow Americans. This book followed on from his epic “Awakening” trilogy of books.
We must learn the hard lesson that without the pain of inner irritation, the pearls of wisdom will not be produced within us. I lovingly call this The Pearl Principle: no pain, no transformative gain.
LAMA SURYA DAS IN “LETTING GO OF THE PERSON YOU USED TO BE”
I have often heard the phrase “getting in touch with the real you” as if there is a mystical persona within us that we have lost touch with. I see that “real you” as just the original pure love that we started with before we added with age and experience layers of things like phobias, fears, likes, dislikes, prejudices, preferences. And that is just what they are, layers. Layers that we can shed like snakes shed their skin from time to time. We are still the pure essence of love below that surface of the various personae we adopt and take on. And that is what this book is designed to do, allow you to shed your old persona and take on a new one, with the security of knowing that the “real you”, the all loving you, will remain intact and that you may even get closer to this essential you in the process.
“There is a world of difference between giving up and letting go. Giving up implies negative feelings of hopelessness or despair. Letting go means letting come and go – letting be. It means coming to accept what can’t be changed even while working for positive growth, change and transformation. Letting be is a way of oneness and loving life in all its surprising forms. This is how we befriend ourselves and befriend the whole world.”
LAMA SURYA DAS IN “LETTING GO OF THE PERSON YOU USED TO BE”
This book is not a structured A to Z, step by step, type of instruction book but rather a collection of notes and exercises, tools that can be used to make subtle and some not so subtle changes in the way you live your life. It is a book that could have been written just for the time we currently live in where people are being forced to re-evaluate what is important to them, what options for change do they have available to cope with the current situation where their old jobs, their old way of life may no longer fit, like the old snake skin, and needs to be let go.
I highly commend this book to you to read, to live, and re-read as things change for you.
November 15, 2021
"For many people, recent years have been characterized by profound change, whether it relates to financial upheaval, political shifts, or even massive losses of life to disease and violence. Even on the personal level, each person must confront the curves life throws his or her way. Buddhism has a great deal to say about change and impermanence and how to meaningfully deal with them. Change -- whether on a large or small scale -- provides our most important opportunity for learning about ourselves and the nature of reality. From this essential insight Lama Surya Das has crafted a fulfilling and important path to understanding and healing ourselves and finding peace.
"Full of personal stories, anecdotes, practical exercises, guided meditations and reflections, and pithy original aphorisms, Letting Go of the Person You Used to Be addresses life's most universal difficulties in a way that is accessible to all. By using memorable concepts such as The Virtues of Adversity, The Pearl Principle ('No inner irritation, no pearl'), and Gaining Through Loss, Surya Das reminds readers that hiding from change and loss is futile. Learning to consciously accept and embrace change leads to a better understanding of ourselves and our own innate divine light.
"A voice of clarity in difficult times, Surya Das offers timeless wisdom in a timely message of hope helpful for us today and tomorrow."
~~front and back flaps
This is an incredible book, just exactly what I needed to hear at this point in my life. This book spoke to my heart as well as my mind, and I think it will become the tool I need to jump start my spiritual growth.
"Full of personal stories, anecdotes, practical exercises, guided meditations and reflections, and pithy original aphorisms, Letting Go of the Person You Used to Be addresses life's most universal difficulties in a way that is accessible to all. By using memorable concepts such as The Virtues of Adversity, The Pearl Principle ('No inner irritation, no pearl'), and Gaining Through Loss, Surya Das reminds readers that hiding from change and loss is futile. Learning to consciously accept and embrace change leads to a better understanding of ourselves and our own innate divine light.
"A voice of clarity in difficult times, Surya Das offers timeless wisdom in a timely message of hope helpful for us today and tomorrow."
~~front and back flaps
This is an incredible book, just exactly what I needed to hear at this point in my life. This book spoke to my heart as well as my mind, and I think it will become the tool I need to jump start my spiritual growth.
August 27, 2020
We have all experienced change and loss during this pandemic, some of us more than others. Getting lost in depression, suffering and confusion, I (Miranda J. Riley, Non-Fiction Clerk at HPL) picked up this book in hopes of overcoming one of the hardest tragedies of my life: losing a best friend during a time when friendships are needed the most.
Lama Surya Das depicts a world where change is possible, and it starts in the heart and mind. Using wisdom from the Buddhist teachers and biblical allegories of the Christian faith, I began to feel a sense of hope that I hadn't realized I had needed for a long time. I found God changing me in these pages. I found peace like a flowing river from the words through my eyes and down into my soul. This book changed my life. I was able to overcome my greatest fears through guided meditations in these chapters. I was able to forgive people who had wronged me and even start up a mature, new relationship with them. I felt whole and complete after reading this book. I felt reborn.
If you are struggling with a sense of desperation, longing, anxiety, depression, loneliness, I highly recommend picking up this book. We have it here at the HPL on display in the Religion section of our Non-Fiction collection. I hope it brings transformation into your life like it did mine.
Lama Surya Das depicts a world where change is possible, and it starts in the heart and mind. Using wisdom from the Buddhist teachers and biblical allegories of the Christian faith, I began to feel a sense of hope that I hadn't realized I had needed for a long time. I found God changing me in these pages. I found peace like a flowing river from the words through my eyes and down into my soul. This book changed my life. I was able to overcome my greatest fears through guided meditations in these chapters. I was able to forgive people who had wronged me and even start up a mature, new relationship with them. I felt whole and complete after reading this book. I felt reborn.
If you are struggling with a sense of desperation, longing, anxiety, depression, loneliness, I highly recommend picking up this book. We have it here at the HPL on display in the Religion section of our Non-Fiction collection. I hope it brings transformation into your life like it did mine.
Read
February 19, 2024As another reviewer mentioned, this book started out promising. I am grieving untold, simultaneous losses and trying to make sense of who I am now that I am starting over. I do indeed need to let go of the person I used to be in order to accept the person these traumas have shaped me into and recover and heal from that.
But then the book takes a turn and starts talking about celibacy because refraining from forming intense attachments lessens the suffering that inevitably follows....the next section talks about letting go of the idea of having loved ones saying, "It's difficult living without this dimension of human love" and I think yes...that's another one of the things I'm grieving not having experienced yet.
I figured, ok...I'll give this book one more chance...but then it responds to one individual who shares that his parents lacked basic parenting skills and that left him ill prepared for life. Since I'm going through the hard work of reparenting myself and trying to be the person I needed when I was in crisis, I'm dismayed the book simply says, "Let It Go."
Can you imagine being swept overboard and drowning while all these bystanders watch...and instead of throwing you a life preserver, they just shout down to you, "let it go!"
I'm letting this book go. Made it to page 85.
But then the book takes a turn and starts talking about celibacy because refraining from forming intense attachments lessens the suffering that inevitably follows....the next section talks about letting go of the idea of having loved ones saying, "It's difficult living without this dimension of human love" and I think yes...that's another one of the things I'm grieving not having experienced yet.
I figured, ok...I'll give this book one more chance...but then it responds to one individual who shares that his parents lacked basic parenting skills and that left him ill prepared for life. Since I'm going through the hard work of reparenting myself and trying to be the person I needed when I was in crisis, I'm dismayed the book simply says, "Let It Go."
Can you imagine being swept overboard and drowning while all these bystanders watch...and instead of throwing you a life preserver, they just shout down to you, "let it go!"
I'm letting this book go. Made it to page 85.
August 27, 2020
We have all experienced change and loss during this pandemic, some of us more than others. Getting lost in depression, suffering and confusion, I picked up this book in hopes of overcoming one of the hardest tragedies of my life: losing a best friend during a time when friendships are needed the most.
Lama Surya Das depicts a world where change is possible, and it starts in the heart and mind. Using wisdom from the Buddhist teachers and biblical allegories of the Christian faith, I began to feel a sense of hope that I hadn't realized I had needed for a long time. I found God changing me in these pages. I found peace like a flowing river from the words through my eyes and down into my soul. This book changed my life. I was able to overcome my greatest fears through guided meditations in these chapters. I was able to forgive people who had wronged me and even start up a mature, new relationship with them. I felt whole and complete after reading this book. I felt reborn.
If you are struggling with a sense of desperation, longing, anxiety, depression, loneliness, I highly recommend picking up this book. I hope it brings transformation into your life like it did mine.
Lama Surya Das depicts a world where change is possible, and it starts in the heart and mind. Using wisdom from the Buddhist teachers and biblical allegories of the Christian faith, I began to feel a sense of hope that I hadn't realized I had needed for a long time. I found God changing me in these pages. I found peace like a flowing river from the words through my eyes and down into my soul. This book changed my life. I was able to overcome my greatest fears through guided meditations in these chapters. I was able to forgive people who had wronged me and even start up a mature, new relationship with them. I felt whole and complete after reading this book. I felt reborn.
If you are struggling with a sense of desperation, longing, anxiety, depression, loneliness, I highly recommend picking up this book. I hope it brings transformation into your life like it did mine.
November 22, 2023
This is a meditation and Buddhist treatise on loss, change, impermanence and acceptance. Each chapter deals with different losses and how to deal with changes in life. The overwhelming mantra is let go and let be and we could all use a little peace in our hearts especially when life seems to be going all wrong. It is not overly preachy and each chapter uses down to earth examples of accepting the impermanence of life. There are also different meditation techniques and practices at the end of each of the chapters. For those looking an accessible Buddhist book on making/accepting changes in life this was good and readable but wasn't earth shattering. I find I already know and follow so many of the explanations for accepting loss and making changes from an internal standpoint. If someone is looking for a practice - this would make a good reference book. I hope (and hope is a huge point in Buddhism or any spiritual practice) that I remind myself often to just breathe and live by the mantra of "This is your life, this second, pay attention!".
October 14, 2017
Learning to consciously direct, focus, and take the flighty, restless and confused mind is the heroic challenge of life; learning to understand and realize that the ultimate nature of the flighty, restless and elusive mind is the heroic task we all face. “Working on ourselves”; when we do “work” on ourselves we are trying to become stronger, more accepting of ourselves and more internally resilient. We are trying to further develop our mental health and well being. The spiritual path is similarly filled with inner and outer work. The promise of transformation and even ultimate enlightenment exists, but only if we do the necessary work. Mysteries unfold and reveal themselves slowly but surely. Wonderful!
February 12, 2017
This book is a little too spiritual for my current taste, but I appreciate the balance with philosophical and psychological views. I've read another book by Lama Surya Das; he provides good insight into Buddhism/mindfulness for westerners, but I don't feel as compelled to write down a million quotes like I do with books by Pema Chödrön, Thich Nhat Hanh, and Sharon Salzberg. I have yet to do the meditations in Letting Go, but as I read, those practices stood out as the most essential takeaways. Worth a read, but it didn't quite hit me in the heart center the way similar books have.
March 14, 2019
Changing my life
I found this book after coming across a quote on the breath. I looked up the book, and knew that I needed to read it. Exactly what I needed at exactly the time I needed it. I know I will come back to this again, and that my life has been changed for the better by reading it. I have started to heal things in me I didn't know still needed healing. This book is wonderful
I found this book after coming across a quote on the breath. I looked up the book, and knew that I needed to read it. Exactly what I needed at exactly the time I needed it. I know I will come back to this again, and that my life has been changed for the better by reading it. I have started to heal things in me I didn't know still needed healing. This book is wonderful
July 27, 2021
I can never truly give a bad review to any dharma book. Having read several of Surya Das' works now, I can say that this one sort of bled together into the rest. I did (once again) enjoy learning more about what I had once thought were incomprehensible tantric visualization practices, which he breaks down and demystifies well (these practices just aren't for me personally). It made for good, wholesome bedtime reading.
June 28, 2025
I read this in 2007/8 and I HAVE READ IT MANY TIMES. This is a book that can be taking with you through life. it's a masterpiece and we'll help you over and over no matter where you're at in life what situation you're in. I would buy every single person this book if I could. in all honestly my book is highlighted and underlined and notes on the side etc etc. just do yourself a favor and get the book LOL
June 27, 2021
I was enjoying this book until researching the author and finding sexual misconduct allegations. If you’re interested in learning about Buddhism, I recommend reading any other book. Certain types of Buddhism directly address the detriments of sexual misconduct as part of Buddhist teachings, such as in Zen as detailed in “Being Peace” by Thich Nhat Hanh under the Fourteenth Mindfulness Training.
June 2, 2023
A straightforward and simple Buddhist guide in how to deal with loss and pain, with meditation and visualization practices at the end of each chapter. The meditations are beautiful and specifically focused to help the mind and emotions to calm down. Throughout the book there is also short poems and stories from past Tibetan lamas. Beautiful book, worth reading. Definitely worth practicing.
April 29, 2020
I appreciate the author sharing his personal experiences in his book. I was able to benefit from the reading, taking bits and pieces from here and there. However, I found it hard to get through and filled with too many anecdotes.
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