HOW A NEAR-DEATH EXPERIENCE LED AN ATHEIST TO THE MINISTRY
Howard Storm was a professor of Art at Northern Kentucky University for twenty years. He was ordained in 1992, and has since served as minister in two United Church of Christ parishes.
He wrote in the first chapter of this 2005 book that, as he lay in a Paris hospital room, “Saying to myself, ‘Let it end now,’ I closed my eyes… The idea of any kind of life after death never entered my mind because I didn’t believe in that kind of thing. I knew for certain that there was no such thing as life after death. Only simpleminded people believed in that sort of thing. I didn’t believe in God, or heaven, or hell, or any other fairy tales. I drifted into darkness, a sleep into annihilation.” (Pg. 9)
He continues, “I was standing up… ‘Could this be a dream?’ I kept thinking… But I knew that it wasn’t… I felt more alert, more aware, and more alive than I had ever felt in my entire life…. There was an object in the bed under the sheet… No, it wasn’t me lying in the bed, it was just a thing that didn’t have any importance to me… I heard voices calling me… ‘Come out here,’ they said. ‘… We’ve been waiting for you for a long time.’ … I stepped out into the hall, full of anxiety… I followed them, shuffling along in my bare feet… Every time I hesitated, they demanded that I keep up… They became increasingly angry and sarcastic… What was increasingly clear to me was that they were deceiving me.” (Pg. 10-15)
He goes on, “Now I was being forced by a mob of unfeeling people toward some unknown destination in the encroaching darkness… A terrible sense of dread was growing within me… When I looked around I was horrified to discover that we were in complete darkness. The hopelessness of my situation overwhelmed me… I told them …that they were liars… they began to push and shove me about. I began to fight back… They began to tear off pieces of my flesh… These creatures were once human beings… They had very long, sharp fingernails…” (Pg. 16-17)
He adds, “a voice emerged from my chest… The voice… said, ‘Pray to God.’ … Pray how? … I hadn’t prayed at any time in my entire adult life… I tried to remember prayers from my childhood experiences in Sunday school… Tentatively, I murmured a few lines… TO my amazement, the cruel, merciless beings tearing the life out of me were incited to rage by my ragged prayer… they retreated back into the distant gloom… I was alone, destroyed, and yet painfully aware in this revoltingly horrible place.” (Pg. 19-20)
He says, “It dawned on me that I was not unlike these miserable creatures that had tormented me. Failing truly to love, they had been led into the outer darkness where their only desire was to inflict their inner torment onto another… These debased people … had missed the most important thing of all, and now were reaping what they had sown… I didn’t believe in a life after death. When you died… [it was] just darkness. Now I was in that darkness, beyond life, and it was hell… and it was more horrible than anything I could possibly have imagined… I wasn’t far from becoming like one of my own tormenters for all eternity.” (Pg. 22-23)
Then, “I desperately needed someone to love me… A ray of hope began to dawn in me… For the first time in my adult life I wanted it to be true that Jesus loved me… I yelled out into the darkness, ‘Jesus, save me.’ … I have never meant anything more strongly in my life. Far off in the darkness I saw a pinpoint of light… This was a living being, a luminous being approximately eight feet tall… All my wounds vanished and I became whole and well … the despair and pain were replaced by love. I had been lost and now was found.” (Pg. 24-25) He goes on, “I experienced love in such intensity that nothing I had ever known before was comparable... Jesus indeed DID love me… Simply, I knew that God loved me, that God loved creation, that God is love… I began to be aware of my separate self, and I became very ashamed and afraid. How many times in my life had I denied and scoffed at the reality before me?.. I was terribly ashamed to go closer.” (Pg. 26-27) He adds, “Then Jesus called out … to some of the luminous entities radiating from the great center… These were the saints and angels. They knew everything I was thinking… I was both embarrassed and relieved.” (Pg. 28)
The angels conducted a ‘life review’ for him: “They showed me how God had given us the opportunity to learn love by having children and raiding them to be loving… I had to turn away numerous times when I saw myself treating my children in unloving ways… The emotional abandonment of my children was devastating to review. It was horrifying to see how I had become so much like my father, putting status and success above everything else.” (Pg. 34-35)
He explains, “In my conversation with Jesus and the angels, they told me about God… and they told me this: God knows everything that will happen… God doesn’t control or dictate the outcome of every event, which would be a violation of God’s creation. This is because every … living creature has its own will that must be expressed… Whether we humans understand why things happen or appreciate how things happen is unimportant because we are not in control of creation… God has given humans a divine image and likeness in order to comprehend our role in the divine plan… The Supreme Being sees our right decisions and enjoys the knowledge that we have taken another step closer to God… God wants an end to war, killing, violence, and dominance now. God wanted an end to war thousands of years ago… God wants you to understand the reasons for your differences and to resolve your problems with love and support for one another.” (Pg. 38-40)
He continues, “Our purpose is to know and do God’s will in this life, and we do this when we love one another as God loves us. Every person without exception needs to be loved by us. This is the most difficult and important lesson of our life… We have failed to learn this fundamental lesson that God has been teaching us from most religious traditions since the beginning of human consciousness. Every religion began with revelations of God, and in time we perverted these revelations and created religious traditions to serve our worst instincts… When we pervert God’s will by constructing religious traditions that demean other people… This grieves God beyond anything else that we do. This is the unforgivable sin against the Holy Spirit.” (Pg. 41-42)
He recounts, “The future that I was being shown was completely different from what I expected. People lived in extreme simplicity and harmony. There was no want. Everyone was happy. There was no want. There was no conflict. I asked, ‘When will this come about?’ They said, ‘In two hundred years… This is the future that God wants for humanity, and it will happen… ‘How will it happen?’ I asked. They answered, ‘God is changing the world now. God wants worldwide conversion… Those who accept God’s will shall flourish, and those who deny God’s love shall perish.” (Pg. 46-47)
He asserts, “When a loving person dies, God sends angels to escort them on their journey to heaven… They will take you from the reality of this physical universe and transport you to a new reality … Each person is escorted toward heaven according to his or her life, culture, and spiritual level…. A person devoid of the love of God cannot be welcomed into the journey to heaven. They are left on their own. They are not alone in life after death. They have kindred spirits… who are waiting for them… For every individual there is a unique journey into the abyss… On this journey a person embarks on an unending life without God. Hell is separation from God… God respects our freedom to choose. For some people this may culminate in the ultimate annihilation of their being, if … they still do not seek their way back to God. For others there is the possibility of salvation. In the Christian tradition, Jesus Christ journeyed into the depths of hell and saved lost souls…. But the terrible truth is that … Many desire annihilation as relief from the torment of hell.” (Pg. 51-53) Later, he adds, “Why would anyone choose hell?... The answer is, because we can. God gave us the godlike ability to create and destroy.” (Pg. 63)
In the Question and Answer section, he states, “There is no such thing as atheism. It is impossible to believe in nothing. God is the source of everything. So to say that you don’t believe in God is just foolishness.” (Pg. 73-74)
He recalls, “After my experience, I quit drinking. The primary reason was I was happy and knew that alcohol would rob me of my happiness… My experience … removed the need to drink. What kind of hallucination heals the soul?... If my experience was a hallucination, and I shared the same beliefs with a billion living Christians and billions who had lived and believed before our time, then we all had the same hallucination. So be it.” (Pg. 103) Later, he adds, “Another reason I trusted the validity of my Near-Death experience is the numerous encounters with supernatural beings in my years since. I have mentioned a few of these visitations in other chapters. Their timely help has kept me on the right path and safe from harm.” (Pg. 105)
He acknowledges, “before I was able to drive again… I asked my wife to take me to a bookstore… I bought the Bhagavad Gita, The Way of the Tao, the Buddhist Bible, the Koran, and a concordance to the Bible. I had been reading the Bible exclusively and I had to be certain that I wasn’t missing something. So I read the primary sources of other world religions. Even though I found inspired writing in all of these sources, they did not speak to me like the Bible did. When I read the bible … prayerfully… it was like having a conversation with God.” (Pg. 109)
He concludes, “Telling my story if part of a global spiritual revolution… The signs of the times are everywhere around us… The enthusiasm for direct experience of God’s spirit is changing the style of worship across America and the world. Traditions of passive participation in worship are dying… Many religious leaders are expressing tolerance and respect for differing religions… Near-Death Experiences are one small component in the great transformation taking place in the world today… The message is how much God loves us and cares about us… I give you my story in the hope that you will find or more fully appreciate where God is in your story… God wants us to come home.” (Pg. 128-129)
This book will be of keen interest to those (particularly Christians, from ‘mainline’ backgrounds) studying Near-Death Experiences.