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Adult Children of Alcoholics/Dysfunctional Familes
Never before in the history of Twelve Step programs has a fellowship brought together such a diverse group of recovering people that includes adult children of alcoholics, codependents, and addicts of various sorts. The program is Adult Children of Alcoholics, The term "adult child" is used to describe adults who grew up in alcoholic or dysfunctional homes and who exhibit identifiable traits that reveal past abuse or neglect. The group includes adults raised in homes without the presence of alcohol or drugs. These ACA members have the trademark presence of abuse, shame and abandonment found in alcoholic homes.
669 pages, Hardcover
First published August 15, 2012
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2021 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 48 reviews
September 21, 2015
For years I struggled with depression and habitual patterns that seemed to just own me. Years of struggle, therapy, devouring every self help book I could get my hands on and I always ended in the exact same place....defeated, heart broken, sad and feeling isolated and hopeless. My daily ritual of prayer, meditation, yoga and eating healthy kept me going but now things are shifting because of the ACA program and promises given in this book.
I learned about the toxic shame I was carrying around, and how to return it to the ones that gave it to me! I learned how to re-parent myself and be the emotionally sober parent to the wounded and abused child (or children of different ages) within me that desperately needed validation and love. I learned how to set healthy boundaries for myself, to ask for what I need, to believe I deserve the goodness this universe (Higher Power) has to offer.
I learned to surrender, every day, to just let go and BE.
If you struggle with any of these same things, I highly recommend not only this book but the entire ACA (Adult Children of Alcoholics and Dysfunctional Families) program to find community, share and emerge from the spiraling effect of thinking you're the ONLY one with your problem. You're not alone!
Thank you to the creators of this book and program. It literally saved my life from the continuing despair that would have ended my journey here on this planet. I'm eternally grateful.
I learned about the toxic shame I was carrying around, and how to return it to the ones that gave it to me! I learned how to re-parent myself and be the emotionally sober parent to the wounded and abused child (or children of different ages) within me that desperately needed validation and love. I learned how to set healthy boundaries for myself, to ask for what I need, to believe I deserve the goodness this universe (Higher Power) has to offer.
I learned to surrender, every day, to just let go and BE.
If you struggle with any of these same things, I highly recommend not only this book but the entire ACA (Adult Children of Alcoholics and Dysfunctional Families) program to find community, share and emerge from the spiraling effect of thinking you're the ONLY one with your problem. You're not alone!
Thank you to the creators of this book and program. It literally saved my life from the continuing despair that would have ended my journey here on this planet. I'm eternally grateful.
July 26, 2018
If you think you are uniquely screwed up because of your crazy family, this book will disabuse you of that notion. Those of us who were raised by damaged parents — even with our parents’ best intentions — grew up with similarly distorted senses of how the world works and our own places in it.
It’s never too late to discover ACA; I started this work in my early 60s. Even better than just reading the book, go to adultchildren.org and find a meeting or phone meeting that you can attend. It can be very threatening at first, but, as they say, keep coming back and your life *will* change.
P.S. I’m an agnostic Jew...I replace the 12-step God stuff with the Universe in my thinking and discussion. Works fine for me!
It’s never too late to discover ACA; I started this work in my early 60s. Even better than just reading the book, go to adultchildren.org and find a meeting or phone meeting that you can attend. It can be very threatening at first, but, as they say, keep coming back and your life *will* change.
P.S. I’m an agnostic Jew...I replace the 12-step God stuff with the Universe in my thinking and discussion. Works fine for me!
December 22, 2013
This is the Adult Children of Alcoholics (ACA or ACOA) 12-Step program's equivalent of AA's 'Big Book', and it's extremely well put together. Unlike the Big Book, which AA co-founder Bill W. wrote with oversight and input from other members within the first four years of that program's existence, this work is the product of a couple of decades of its program's growth, evolution, and learning, and the perspective shows.
For anyone unfamiliar with ACA, here's the program's self-description:
"Adult Children of Alcoholics is an anonymous Twelve Step, Twelve Tradition program of women and men who grew up in an alcoholic or otherwise dysfunctional homes. We meet with each other in a mutually respectful, safe environment and acknowledge our common experiences. We discover how childhood affected us in the past and influences us in the present (see The Laundry List, and The Problem). We take positive action. By practicing the Twelve Steps, focusing on The Solution, and accepting a loving Higher Power of our understanding, we find freedom from the past and a way to improve our lives today."
ACA has a lot in common with Al-Anon, CoDependents Anonymous, and NarAnon, but it's focused more on the impact of childhood experiences. A lot of ACA members credit the program with helping them break the generational cycle of abuse, and many say that without it they might have killed themselves. If it sounds of interest, anyone considering trying it might read the list of personal characteristics titled 'The Laundry List' or 'The Problem' (links on the website); if it seems like a good fit, find a nearby group and sit in on a meeting.
For anyone unfamiliar with ACA, here's the program's self-description:
"Adult Children of Alcoholics is an anonymous Twelve Step, Twelve Tradition program of women and men who grew up in an alcoholic or otherwise dysfunctional homes. We meet with each other in a mutually respectful, safe environment and acknowledge our common experiences. We discover how childhood affected us in the past and influences us in the present (see The Laundry List, and The Problem). We take positive action. By practicing the Twelve Steps, focusing on The Solution, and accepting a loving Higher Power of our understanding, we find freedom from the past and a way to improve our lives today."
ACA has a lot in common with Al-Anon, CoDependents Anonymous, and NarAnon, but it's focused more on the impact of childhood experiences. A lot of ACA members credit the program with helping them break the generational cycle of abuse, and many say that without it they might have killed themselves. If it sounds of interest, anyone considering trying it might read the list of personal characteristics titled 'The Laundry List' or 'The Problem' (links on the website); if it seems like a good fit, find a nearby group and sit in on a meeting.
August 23, 2017
Will always be reading. Never done with this one.
January 28, 2019
Changed my life, continues to change my life. Read parts at least three times a week for guidance, understanding and the knowledge that I am not alone in my struggles.
April 14, 2018
For entire my life I feel so desperate about my mental condition. After searching for the self-help resource in decade finally I found this book by accidentally. Honestly I said this is the best book I have ever read and also this book has saved my life. THANKS ACA WSO.
August 16, 2018
Brilliant. Also for dysfunctional families of origin. Required reading for those that qualify.
January 26, 2019
Life saving.
September 14, 2020
Not just a resource for adult children of someone with a substance use issue, but a very good resource for any type of dysfunctional dynamic that's left scars.
November 15, 2024
Crazy when you find a book written about yourself
June 18, 2025
you need to take from this what suits you and leave the rest but i’m happy i read it
April 8, 2025
Transformative text that helped me a lot❤️🩹
May 22, 2025
With a familiarity with AA and Algnon, this is the first time I've stumbled into ACA. The Big Red Book - as read by the narrators - is an official text. Provided it's an ACA guide of the organization, I was able to fathom what the group is about and look up groups online as I don't have opportunities locally. Personally I would avoid the audiobook as the narrators have a flat robotic delivery. I'm grateful that this resource and group exists but this introduction was a formal textbook.
April 16, 2025
f*ck da twelve steps & serenity prayer. (I like the first step 🫢) it’s giving dogmatic Christian shame based rhetoric, even though they claim it’s not a religious program. my therapist told me this book would be too triggering & unhelpful for me, but I kept reading because I’m stubborn 🤪 I fully checked out when they said they open their doors to adult perpetuators of sexual violence because we are all children of God. hell nah. I found this book in a really vulnerable time and hoped the program would work for me like it has worked for others I know. A lot of really helpful insights that made me feel so seen in ways I never had before. A lot of yucky dogmatic messaging that isn’t for me, personally I prefer therapy for the developmental trauma and support from my adult child besties. Didn’t need to be called out for the abandonment issues, staying in abusive relationships til the point of insanity, workaholism, fear of authority, hyper independence, never ending shame, unhealthy isolation, unhealthy control, perfectionism,and rage at a higher power as a deflection away from the rage at being unprotected from the trauma (I did need to and it was helpful)
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
January 6, 2024
I have just started my journey in ACA in November of 2023. But I've gotten a lot out of pouring myself into ACA and this book; I'm in the process of healing from trauma and growing as a person. I'm only on the first step out of 12, but I am humbled. This is a book that is read by thousands every day, individually and in groups. If you are a child of alcoholic or dysfunctional parents, and have an earnest desire to understand and heal, reading this book is a great start. Combining it with participation in weekly ACA meetings is even better. I'm committed to having this book change my life and have me repattern my behavior towards the person my higher power meant me to be.
July 6, 2020
This book has nuggets here and there and can offer insight to those of us seeking recovery from living in an alcoholic or dysfunctional home. However, it is filled with weird sentences, it asserts that everyone went through the same kinds of experiences and it’s very demanding in what a person who wants to recover must do. I clearly do not agree with this supposition. Recovery is not a linear experience. You definitely have to take what you like and leave the rest from this book.
March 15, 2022
No matter your background or beliefs, ACA (this book title and the group) has so much to offer. Dealing with childhood trauma and negative associations, this book brought to light so many experiences I thought I had gone through alone. There are many stories shared throughout this book, but also many techniques that can be used to walk through life with your head held high. I highly recommend this book and most importantly the ACA groups to anyone and everyone.
February 22, 2023
Interesting and helpful
Imagine the worst most affecting drug is legal and opiates the oldest most natural pain medication that people can use and go to work that help them out of pain and to be more attentive have been made illegal and pharmaceuticals put out of business and yet mult generational family destruction social … escapades, MADD, jails and streets littered with drunks but it’s legal of course.
Imagine the worst most affecting drug is legal and opiates the oldest most natural pain medication that people can use and go to work that help them out of pain and to be more attentive have been made illegal and pharmaceuticals put out of business and yet mult generational family destruction social … escapades, MADD, jails and streets littered with drunks but it’s legal of course.
April 26, 2023
There is a lot of shocking authenticity and bold claims, but the organization is such a struggle it is tough to recommend this book to anyone. Certain sections can be read repeatedly, while others should likely be skipped entirely or rewritten—a strong concept that needs editing.
November 5, 2019
Large book— profound direction to a better life
February 27, 2025
This book gave me such an “Ah ha!” moment. It helped me to realize why I am the way I am.
June 23, 2025
The ACA Big Red Book (BRB) positions itself as a foundational recovery text for adult children of trauma, but after reading it cover to cover I am deeply disappointed.
Unlike Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving (Walker) or No Bad Parts (Schwartz), which offer practical insights and clear tools, the BRB relies on vague slogans, spiritual coercion framed as neutrality, and narratives that feel emotionally manipulative rather than trauma-informed.
To be fair, the book’s famous “Laundry List” does give many survivors their first vocabulary for chronic childhood dysfunction. Unfortunately, the text then fails to build a safe, evidence-based path forward.
Most troubling is a vignette in the “Inner Child” chapter that depicts graphic internal violence (a child-part stabbing the adult self) without trigger warnings, containment, or grounding strategies. The scene feels reckless and genuinely harmful, not healing.
The BRB’s handling of safety issues such as “13th stepping” (predatory behavior in meetings) is equally inadequate, offering no enforceable policies or accountability measures. For vulnerable newcomers, that structural vacuum is unacceptable.
I closed this book feeling it was a missed opportunity whose occasional insights were overshadowed by inconsistent tone, unsafe metaphors, spiritual confusion, and troubling negligence around trauma safety.
If you want structured, clear, trauma-informed guidance, I strongly recommend Richard Schwartz’s IFS work or Pete Walker’s Complex PTSD instead. These books respect your boundaries, your intelligence, and your safety. Sadly, the ACA BRB does not.
Unlike Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving (Walker) or No Bad Parts (Schwartz), which offer practical insights and clear tools, the BRB relies on vague slogans, spiritual coercion framed as neutrality, and narratives that feel emotionally manipulative rather than trauma-informed.
To be fair, the book’s famous “Laundry List” does give many survivors their first vocabulary for chronic childhood dysfunction. Unfortunately, the text then fails to build a safe, evidence-based path forward.
Most troubling is a vignette in the “Inner Child” chapter that depicts graphic internal violence (a child-part stabbing the adult self) without trigger warnings, containment, or grounding strategies. The scene feels reckless and genuinely harmful, not healing.
The BRB’s handling of safety issues such as “13th stepping” (predatory behavior in meetings) is equally inadequate, offering no enforceable policies or accountability measures. For vulnerable newcomers, that structural vacuum is unacceptable.
I closed this book feeling it was a missed opportunity whose occasional insights were overshadowed by inconsistent tone, unsafe metaphors, spiritual confusion, and troubling negligence around trauma safety.
If you want structured, clear, trauma-informed guidance, I strongly recommend Richard Schwartz’s IFS work or Pete Walker’s Complex PTSD instead. These books respect your boundaries, your intelligence, and your safety. Sadly, the ACA BRB does not.
November 10, 2025
A very good book, especially for those from Alcoholic or Dysfunctional Families.
I'm impressed with how much Knowledge, Experience, and Insight was packed in every paragraph.
Depending on how dysfunctional your family was, be prepared to have your gut turned, as old stuff may likely be stirred up, as you work through it.
I joined a local in-person ACA group, which is why I read the book, on the recommendation of my Coach.
Because of my gut being stirred so much, I was tempted to slow down the reading.
But if the goal was to work the process, I kept working it.
Though beyond just doing my 3 or 4 mile walk each day for exercise, I chose to add in my Stressful exercises to deal with the Stress coming up from the 12-step process, and that really helped me feel better.
Will start reading it again soon, much slower this time,
to internalize the teachings and actually do the exercises.
The next step for me, beyond just getting the gut-stirring first overview of the entire process.
---------------------------
I've told the people at the ACA weekly group meeting I attend,
that I joined because of the value meeting attendance would bring to me,
but even if I didn't "need" to be there, I could see myself joining
just to be around people I like so much.
I'm impressed with how much Knowledge, Experience, and Insight was packed in every paragraph.
Depending on how dysfunctional your family was, be prepared to have your gut turned, as old stuff may likely be stirred up, as you work through it.
I joined a local in-person ACA group, which is why I read the book, on the recommendation of my Coach.
Because of my gut being stirred so much, I was tempted to slow down the reading.
But if the goal was to work the process, I kept working it.
Though beyond just doing my 3 or 4 mile walk each day for exercise, I chose to add in my Stressful exercises to deal with the Stress coming up from the 12-step process, and that really helped me feel better.
Will start reading it again soon, much slower this time,
to internalize the teachings and actually do the exercises.
The next step for me, beyond just getting the gut-stirring first overview of the entire process.
---------------------------
I've told the people at the ACA weekly group meeting I attend,
that I joined because of the value meeting attendance would bring to me,
but even if I didn't "need" to be there, I could see myself joining
just to be around people I like so much.
April 15, 2020
Highly recommend this if you are someone has come from a home that had alcoholism, addiction, or dysfunction. Also, a grandchild can benefit from this along with meetings. I've read many books and articles on Adult Children of Alcoholics, but this is the bible and details more in-depth how individuals have been affected by these upbringings. Don't rush into the workbook, Yes! There is an accompanying workbook. I'd suggest starting the workbook when you are halfway in, out of denial, and understand that you will most likely do the workbook more than once in your life. Your way of thinking, behaviors, and healing will grow over the years. Go back and re-do the workbook as you uncover, remember incidents.
December 3, 2019
I will never be done reading this. I just keep going through it.
Offering me a better way to live than the one I designed based on being raised in abandonment and the denying of feelings. Learning to have empathy and love for my parents and their parents and a stronger understanding of my true self.
I'm a believer
Offering me a better way to live than the one I designed based on being raised in abandonment and the denying of feelings. Learning to have empathy and love for my parents and their parents and a stronger understanding of my true self.
I'm a believer
June 1, 2022
Therapy things 🙃
Honestly this book is just the beginning and wow wow wow it explains so much of my family dynamics and why I do so many things. My parents directly aren’t alcoholics but from a family dynamic full of alcoholics this has broken out a ton of character traits and habits that I will not continue in my next generation.
Honestly this book is just the beginning and wow wow wow it explains so much of my family dynamics and why I do so many things. My parents directly aren’t alcoholics but from a family dynamic full of alcoholics this has broken out a ton of character traits and habits that I will not continue in my next generation.
October 25, 2020
Have been to many fellowships and never felt like I connected with any of them until I came to ACOA felt like this book and meetings were talking my language and got me. Has become my Bible in my healing journey every since.
November 20, 2020
This is a book to read and reread, for the work will never be finished. It is an excellent handbook for those who are willing and ready to delve into the reasons under the reasons for why things may not be working so well in their lives.
August 31, 2023
I was terrified to read this its so massive but it is the core of the onion.
The fear subsided after every page turned when I started to understand why I'm so offed up, and how it's possible to get better - when you do the work explained in this life manual.
The fear subsided after every page turned when I started to understand why I'm so offed up, and how it's possible to get better - when you do the work explained in this life manual.
July 21, 2020
Essential for Acoa. Please don't hesitate to buy it. Read it. Live it.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 48 reviews