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Attachment Parenting Book (Oeb) the Commonsense Guide to Understanding And.........
Might you and your baby both sleep better if you shared a bed? How old is too old for breastfeeding? What is a father's role in nurturing a newborn? How does early attachment foster a child's eventual independence? Dr. Bill and Martha Sears -- the doctor-and-nurse, husband-and-wife team who coined the term "attachment parenting" -- answer these and many more questions in this practical, inspiring guide. Attachment parenting is a style of parenting that encourages a strong early attachment, and advocates parental responsiveness to babies' dependency needs. "The Attachment Parenting Book" clearly explains the six "Baby B's" that form the basis of this increasingly popular parenting style: Bonding, Breastfeeding, Babywearing, Bedding close to baby, Belief in the language value of baby's cry, Beware of baby trainers.Here's all the information you need to achieve your most important goals as a new parent: to know your child, to help your child feel right, and to enjoy parenting.
Hardcover
First published January 1, 2001
328 people are currently reading
2709 people want to read
About the author
William Sears
158 books169 followersDr. Sears, or Dr. Bill as his "little patients" call him, is the father of eight children as well as the author of over 30 books on childcare. Dr. Bill is an Associate Clinical Professor of Pediatrics at the University of California, Irvine, School of Medicine. Dr. Bill received his pediatric training at Harvard Medical School's Children's Hospital in Boston and The Hospital for Sick Children in Toronto -- the largest children’s hospital in the world, where he served as associate ward chief of the newborn nursery and associate professor of pediatrics. Dr. Sears is a fellow of the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) and a fellow of the Royal College of Pediatricians (RCP).Dr. Bill is also a medical and parenting consultant for BabyTalk and Parenting magazines and the pediatrician on the website Parenting.com.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 236 reviews
June 30, 2007
In our family, this is the definitive parenting book. Rather than extolling the virtues of being a wire-monkey Mama, and getting your newborn/infant to adapt to *your* busy life, Dr. Sears gently shows that it's OK to listen to your parenting instincts. Hold your baby...breastfeed your baby...sleep with your baby...and by all means, pick your baby up when she cries!
In a culture that prizes independence beyond just about all else, Dr. Sears presents evidence that the mainstream parenting practices produce the exact opposite: fearful and detached children, who lack compassion and trust. Attachment Pareting, however, is all about cultivating the Parent-Child bond, engendering trust, and nurturing a young human being with respect and love.
If you are a parent, or you plan to be, take a week or so to read this book, and see if it speaks to you. Your child will be the better for it!
In a culture that prizes independence beyond just about all else, Dr. Sears presents evidence that the mainstream parenting practices produce the exact opposite: fearful and detached children, who lack compassion and trust. Attachment Pareting, however, is all about cultivating the Parent-Child bond, engendering trust, and nurturing a young human being with respect and love.
If you are a parent, or you plan to be, take a week or so to read this book, and see if it speaks to you. Your child will be the better for it!
July 18, 2011
I had high expectations for this book.
Mostly, because without a lot of information and preparation, I'd likely be a pretty shit parent. It was either read a buttload of books and hope for the best or let the TV do the job for me.
[image error]
I'm still not sure I made the right choice...
I want to make it clear that if there is a particular parenting philosophy that I give favouritism to (much like I do to the child that annoys me the least) it would be Attachment Parenting. It is the child rearing philosophy that I most emulate and use.
The reason I'm disappointed in this book is because it makes a lot of promises that it backs up with almost no research. Perhaps there wasn't that much research supporting Attachment Parenting in 2001 but there must have been some because you almost trip over all the studies and research supporting attachment parenting now.
I also dislike any parenting method promising your child will grow up better/smarter/more successful etc. Look, you can breastfeed, baby-led wean, co-sleep, babywear, elimination communication, etc all you like. But all this will do is mean that you have a breastfed baby that eats whatever it can fit in its mouth when it's not sleeping in your bed and attached to your body and letting you know through various methods of cooing that it's about to pee down your front.
It's not a promise that your child is going to be a doctor. That doesn't mean all that stuff isn't great (except for the elimination communication shit - I'm just nowhere near that dedicated as a parent...) but it's not a predictor for future success.
The book is really dumbed down and thus painful to read as most of it is basically answering question after question. It's not until the very back of the book that they outline particulars of Attachment Parenting and I don't think they do it rather well.
Over all, if you want to read into Attachment Parenting then maybe try a different book...
Or, alternatively, care less about your parenting.
[image error]
The experts assure me that a little childhood trauma builds character...or maybe that was Ed, Edd and Eddy? It's hard to remember this stuff in between neglecting my son and leveling my Warlock.
Mostly, because without a lot of information and preparation, I'd likely be a pretty shit parent. It was either read a buttload of books and hope for the best or let the TV do the job for me.
[image error]
I'm still not sure I made the right choice...
I want to make it clear that if there is a particular parenting philosophy that I give favouritism to (much like I do to the child that annoys me the least) it would be Attachment Parenting. It is the child rearing philosophy that I most emulate and use.
The reason I'm disappointed in this book is because it makes a lot of promises that it backs up with almost no research. Perhaps there wasn't that much research supporting Attachment Parenting in 2001 but there must have been some because you almost trip over all the studies and research supporting attachment parenting now.
I also dislike any parenting method promising your child will grow up better/smarter/more successful etc. Look, you can breastfeed, baby-led wean, co-sleep, babywear, elimination communication, etc all you like. But all this will do is mean that you have a breastfed baby that eats whatever it can fit in its mouth when it's not sleeping in your bed and attached to your body and letting you know through various methods of cooing that it's about to pee down your front.
It's not a promise that your child is going to be a doctor. That doesn't mean all that stuff isn't great (except for the elimination communication shit - I'm just nowhere near that dedicated as a parent...) but it's not a predictor for future success.
The book is really dumbed down and thus painful to read as most of it is basically answering question after question. It's not until the very back of the book that they outline particulars of Attachment Parenting and I don't think they do it rather well.
Over all, if you want to read into Attachment Parenting then maybe try a different book...
Or, alternatively, care less about your parenting.
[image error]
The experts assure me that a little childhood trauma builds character...or maybe that was Ed, Edd and Eddy? It's hard to remember this stuff in between neglecting my son and leveling my Warlock.
June 23, 2011
"Beware of Baby Trainers"?? as a foundational building block of your philosophy? I think Sears takes it too far when he refers to all other parenting styles as "detached." He is misguided at best; arrogant at his worst.
I agree that emotionally bonding and attaching with my child is important, but not with the underlying premise that a child was [emotionally] traumatized at birth and needs to be near to parents (24/7) to receive this attachment. I also find it laughable that Sears spends 80% of the book defending the child-centered AP style, calling on Almighty Science (every parenting book does too, Sears) often demonizing all others, namely "baby trainers."
[A side note on Sears' psychological arguement:] I think the danger of using pop psychology as a basis for parenting is that it is like philosophy--it's man-made, and it tends to lean humanistic. I agree with the fundamental definition and application of the attachment theory (Bowly), but I think it's quite dangerous to assert psychoanalysis over what is communicated in the Scriptures and what occurs naturally in my experience.
I've never considered myself a baby trainer, like he so antagonistically characterizes anyone who has let their baby cry or lovingly used routine or a schedule to bring order to her child's sleep and eating habits, but according to Dr. Sears I am a "BT" and I'm dead wrong and detached. He would call me well-meaning, but wrong. Awful folks like me treat their children like pets according to Dr. Sears (pg. 119).
I obviously disagree. I created a routine, am happy I did, and I am still learning how to respond to my son. It seems to me that our bonding has been successful alongside training him in the way he should go (Proverbs 22:6). Dr. Sears would say that baby knows best (pg. 127, and others), but I would argue that sometimes babies perceive a need that is not legitimate and it is okay at an early age to meet it in the appropriate way (the need to wait vs. be near, hunger vs. sleepiness, etc.). Dr. Sears would agree with this, but it's subtle and I feel like he goes back and forth.
This book was helpful, but not complete. I suggest someone interested in parenting styles not buy into one book or one doctor/psychologist's way of seeing the parent/child relationship. Instead, especially for the Christian parent, that they seek the wise counsel of the Scriptures, apply their own values/convictions, and then supplement with various techniques. And honestly, I don't think Sears' psychologically-flawed and child-centered approach is the best one out there.
Read this book and Babywise (Heaven-forbid I even mention that one). Don't approach the nursing relationship without reason and wisdom. Dr. Marc Weissbluth's Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child is also a great companion book that speaks more to the importance of the baby's sleep habits. Get balanced information and then rest in your own convictions, what you come to do naturally, who your child is and what he needs, and what your partner agrees to do with you. May Christ and honoring Him (i.e. the Gospel) be the center of your home, not you, and not even that dear baby.
I agree that emotionally bonding and attaching with my child is important, but not with the underlying premise that a child was [emotionally] traumatized at birth and needs to be near to parents (24/7) to receive this attachment. I also find it laughable that Sears spends 80% of the book defending the child-centered AP style, calling on Almighty Science (every parenting book does too, Sears) often demonizing all others, namely "baby trainers."
[A side note on Sears' psychological arguement:] I think the danger of using pop psychology as a basis for parenting is that it is like philosophy--it's man-made, and it tends to lean humanistic. I agree with the fundamental definition and application of the attachment theory (Bowly), but I think it's quite dangerous to assert psychoanalysis over what is communicated in the Scriptures and what occurs naturally in my experience.
I've never considered myself a baby trainer, like he so antagonistically characterizes anyone who has let their baby cry or lovingly used routine or a schedule to bring order to her child's sleep and eating habits, but according to Dr. Sears I am a "BT" and I'm dead wrong and detached. He would call me well-meaning, but wrong. Awful folks like me treat their children like pets according to Dr. Sears (pg. 119).
I obviously disagree. I created a routine, am happy I did, and I am still learning how to respond to my son. It seems to me that our bonding has been successful alongside training him in the way he should go (Proverbs 22:6). Dr. Sears would say that baby knows best (pg. 127, and others), but I would argue that sometimes babies perceive a need that is not legitimate and it is okay at an early age to meet it in the appropriate way (the need to wait vs. be near, hunger vs. sleepiness, etc.). Dr. Sears would agree with this, but it's subtle and I feel like he goes back and forth.
This book was helpful, but not complete. I suggest someone interested in parenting styles not buy into one book or one doctor/psychologist's way of seeing the parent/child relationship. Instead, especially for the Christian parent, that they seek the wise counsel of the Scriptures, apply their own values/convictions, and then supplement with various techniques. And honestly, I don't think Sears' psychologically-flawed and child-centered approach is the best one out there.
Read this book and Babywise (Heaven-forbid I even mention that one). Don't approach the nursing relationship without reason and wisdom. Dr. Marc Weissbluth's Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child is also a great companion book that speaks more to the importance of the baby's sleep habits. Get balanced information and then rest in your own convictions, what you come to do naturally, who your child is and what he needs, and what your partner agrees to do with you. May Christ and honoring Him (i.e. the Gospel) be the center of your home, not you, and not even that dear baby.
September 14, 2021
Öncelikle çocuk psikolojisi, çocuk yetiştirme veya ebeveynlik konusunda bir uzman olmadığımı belirterek başlamak isterim. Ancak ebeveyn olacağımı öğrendiğim andan itibaren konu hakkında biraz olsun hazırlıklı olabilmek adına popüler bazı kitapları okumaya başladım ve listenin başında herkesin öve öve bitiremediği, bir ebeveynlik tarzı olarak tercih edilen "Doğal Ebeveyn"lik yer almaktaydı. Ancak bu ebeveynlik tarzının mı yoksa kitabın yaklaşımının mı olduğundan emin olamayarak bana göre olmadığını söyleyebilirim. Bir de "attachment parenting" kavramını Türkçe'ye "doğal ebeveynlik" olarak çevirme tercihini ekleyince başlangıçtan itibaren biraz önyargılı olabileceğimi itiraf etmeliyim (Bir şeyin başına "doğal" kelimesi geldiği an otomatik olarak bunu bir pazarlama stratejisi olarak görmeye başladığımdan biraz irrite edici buluyorum. Örneğin "doğal doğum" veya "normal doğum" kavramları yerine, hiçbirimiz robot olmadığımızdan ve anormal/yapay doğum yapmadığımızdan "vajinal doğum" denmesi gerektiğini düşünüyorum).
Başlangıç olarak katıldığım noktaları belirtmek istiyorum. Çocuklar gerçekten anne karnından şefkat, ilgi ve sıcaklığa ihtiyaç duyarak, hatta başka bir ihtiyaçları olmadan çıkıyorlar ve yeni doğmuş bir bebeğe uyku eğitimi vermek, onu ağlamaya bırakmak gibi yöntemlerin cidden bebeklerin özgüvenleri ve psikolojileri üzerinde negatif etkilerinin olacağını düşünüyorum. Doğar doğmaz ihtiyaç duyduğu zaman emzirmenin, aynı odada uyumanın, sıcaklığını hissedebilmesi adına sling ile yanında gezdirmenin kesinlikle artıları olacağına da inanıyorum. Çocuğunu tanımak, onunla ilgilenmek, ihtiyaçlarını bilmek gibi konular zaten genel geçer norm olmalı diye de düşünüyorum.
Ancak kitabın aşağıda belirttiğim konulardaki eksikliklerini göz önünde bulundurarak bunun geçerli tek ebeveynlik yöntemi olarak kabul edilmesi konusunda çekincelerim var:
-Öncelikle herhangi bir kitabın daha ilk bölümünden 'daha başarılı', 'daha zeki', 'daha sağlıklı' çocuklar yetiştirmek için bu ebeveynlik yönteminin uygulanması gerektiği belirtildiğinde aklıma gelen sorular "nasıl" ve "neden" oluyor. Bir şeyin diğerinden daha iyi olduğunu iddia edebilmek için diğer yöntem ile ciddi bir karşılaştırma gerekiyor ve böyle bir şey yok. Ve her ne kadar herkes çocuğunun başarılı ve zeki olmasını isterse de yola "special snowflake" yetiştirmek için çıkılmaması gerekiyor. Sonrasında çevrede kendi çocuklarının diğer çocuklardan daha iyi olduğu konusunda çok özgüvenli ebeveynlerden başka bir şey görmemeye başlıyorum ve bunun sıkıntılı olduğunu düşünüyorum. Kaldı ki bebeklik ve hatta çocukluk çağında bağlı yetişen bireylerin nasıl olup da yetişkinlikte daha bağımsız bireyler olduğuna ilişkin bir veri veya çocuk psikolojini içeren bir bilgi yok.
-Kitabın hiçbir yerinde referans bulunmuyor. Özellikle yukarıda belirttiğim konu da dahil olmak üzere bu ebeveynlik yönteminin nasıl diğerlerinden farklı bireyler yetiştirebilediğine ilişkin herhangi bir referans yok. Kitap boyunca en büyük referans yazarların kendi yetiştirmiş oldukları 8 çocukları ki bu da "bakın ben yaptım, öyleyse oluyor" demek gibi. Elbette çeşitli yerlerde bir pediatr olan yazarın hastalarından alıntılar var ancak bunlar da havada kalıyor. Çocuk psikolojisi vb. konularda herhangi bir referansa ihtiyaç duyulmamış ve bu alıntıları da referans almak pek mümkün değil (en sondaki bölümdeki yorumlardan birinde bir ebeveyn çocuğunun yaşlılara ve diğer insanlara karşı yüksek empati göstermesini doğal ebeveynlik yöntemlerine bağlasa da bebekken anne sütü emmemiş insanların ileride sosyopat olduğuna ilişkin bir veri yok sonuçta).
-Benim için en sıkıntılı bulduğum konu bu ebeveynlik yönteminin fazlasıyla heteronormatif ve hatta yer yer stereotipik bir şekilde seksist yansıtılması. Elbette kitabın çeşitli yerlerinde özellikle neredeyse 300 sayfalık kitabın 20-30'ar sayfalık bölümlerinde babaların ve çalışan annelerin "de" bu ebeveynlik yöntemini uygulayabilecekleri belirtilmiş olsa da kitabın genel havasından çalışmayan annelere yönelik olduğu havasını almak mümkün. Kadının aile yapısı içerisindeki birincil görevinin annelik olduğu, çalışıyorsa ancak aile ekonomisine bir "katkıda bulunduğu", yine çalışıyorsa daha fazla çaba sarf edebilmek adına işi dışında (ve hatta işinde de) çocuğunu her şeyin önüne koyup başka hiçbir hobi edinmemesi, erkeğin de kadın yardıma ihtiyaç duyduğunda ev işlerinde ona "yardım etmesi" gibi şeylerle dolu bir kitap. Kitabın çeşitli yerlerinde sanki eşit bir dağılım söz konusuymuş, erkekler de "doğal olarak ebeveynlik içgüdüsüne sahip olmasalar bile" anneler kadar bağlanma temelli ebeveynlik yapabilirmiş gibi belirtilmiş olsa da kitabın genel tavrının "kadın önce annedir" olduğunu belirtmem gerekiyor ve bu benim kitaba karşı önyargı ile yaklaşmama sebep oluyor. Kitapta her ne kadar doğal ebeveynlik ilkelerinden birinin "denge" olduğu belirtilmiş ve kadınların kendilerine de zaman ayırmaları arada bir tercihen babalarına, yoksa çok tercih edilmese de bakıcıya bırakıp yürüyüş ve alışveriş yapmak gibi kendilerine zaman ayırmaları önerilmiş olsa da (çünkü bilindiği gibi kadınların en büyük stres atma yöntemi alışveriştir(?)) öncelikli görevleri konusunda net.
-Bahsedilenden daha fazla kadını etkilediği bilinen postpartum depresyon gibi annelerin çocukları ile bağlanmada sıkıntı kurduğu durumlara neredeyse hiç atıf yapılmamış olması ve "çalışan baba, evde çocuğa bakan anne" stereotipi dışında kalınan aile yapılarına ancak ufak ufak bölümlerde yer verilmiş olması da sıkıntılı gördüğüm bir konu.
Elbette tek bir kitabın bahsi geçen yaklaşımı tamamen yansıttığını düşünmüyorum ve en tepede de belirttiğim gibi çocuğu ile bağ kurmanın, içgüdüsel olarak onun ihtiyaçlarını öngörebilmenin ve ilgilenmenin zaten yapılması gereken ve genelgeçer bir norm olması gerektiğini düşünüyorum. Ancak özellikle (bu yorumun Türkçe olduğu göz önünde bulundurularak) ülkemiz gibi anneye otomatik olarak atfedilen, annenin omuzlarına bırakılan belli görevleri "zaten içgüdüsel olarak öyle" diyerek desteklemesini de doğru bulmuyorum. Kitabı çok tekrarlı bulmama rağmen acaba yeni bir şey öğrenebilir miyim diyerek sonuna kadar okudum ancak maalesef bana kazandırdığı herhangi bir bilgi bulunmuyor.
Başlangıç olarak katıldığım noktaları belirtmek istiyorum. Çocuklar gerçekten anne karnından şefkat, ilgi ve sıcaklığa ihtiyaç duyarak, hatta başka bir ihtiyaçları olmadan çıkıyorlar ve yeni doğmuş bir bebeğe uyku eğitimi vermek, onu ağlamaya bırakmak gibi yöntemlerin cidden bebeklerin özgüvenleri ve psikolojileri üzerinde negatif etkilerinin olacağını düşünüyorum. Doğar doğmaz ihtiyaç duyduğu zaman emzirmenin, aynı odada uyumanın, sıcaklığını hissedebilmesi adına sling ile yanında gezdirmenin kesinlikle artıları olacağına da inanıyorum. Çocuğunu tanımak, onunla ilgilenmek, ihtiyaçlarını bilmek gibi konular zaten genel geçer norm olmalı diye de düşünüyorum.
Ancak kitabın aşağıda belirttiğim konulardaki eksikliklerini göz önünde bulundurarak bunun geçerli tek ebeveynlik yöntemi olarak kabul edilmesi konusunda çekincelerim var:
-Öncelikle herhangi bir kitabın daha ilk bölümünden 'daha başarılı', 'daha zeki', 'daha sağlıklı' çocuklar yetiştirmek için bu ebeveynlik yönteminin uygulanması gerektiği belirtildiğinde aklıma gelen sorular "nasıl" ve "neden" oluyor. Bir şeyin diğerinden daha iyi olduğunu iddia edebilmek için diğer yöntem ile ciddi bir karşılaştırma gerekiyor ve böyle bir şey yok. Ve her ne kadar herkes çocuğunun başarılı ve zeki olmasını isterse de yola "special snowflake" yetiştirmek için çıkılmaması gerekiyor. Sonrasında çevrede kendi çocuklarının diğer çocuklardan daha iyi olduğu konusunda çok özgüvenli ebeveynlerden başka bir şey görmemeye başlıyorum ve bunun sıkıntılı olduğunu düşünüyorum. Kaldı ki bebeklik ve hatta çocukluk çağında bağlı yetişen bireylerin nasıl olup da yetişkinlikte daha bağımsız bireyler olduğuna ilişkin bir veri veya çocuk psikolojini içeren bir bilgi yok.
-Kitabın hiçbir yerinde referans bulunmuyor. Özellikle yukarıda belirttiğim konu da dahil olmak üzere bu ebeveynlik yönteminin nasıl diğerlerinden farklı bireyler yetiştirebilediğine ilişkin herhangi bir referans yok. Kitap boyunca en büyük referans yazarların kendi yetiştirmiş oldukları 8 çocukları ki bu da "bakın ben yaptım, öyleyse oluyor" demek gibi. Elbette çeşitli yerlerde bir pediatr olan yazarın hastalarından alıntılar var ancak bunlar da havada kalıyor. Çocuk psikolojisi vb. konularda herhangi bir referansa ihtiyaç duyulmamış ve bu alıntıları da referans almak pek mümkün değil (en sondaki bölümdeki yorumlardan birinde bir ebeveyn çocuğunun yaşlılara ve diğer insanlara karşı yüksek empati göstermesini doğal ebeveynlik yöntemlerine bağlasa da bebekken anne sütü emmemiş insanların ileride sosyopat olduğuna ilişkin bir veri yok sonuçta).
-Benim için en sıkıntılı bulduğum konu bu ebeveynlik yönteminin fazlasıyla heteronormatif ve hatta yer yer stereotipik bir şekilde seksist yansıtılması. Elbette kitabın çeşitli yerlerinde özellikle neredeyse 300 sayfalık kitabın 20-30'ar sayfalık bölümlerinde babaların ve çalışan annelerin "de" bu ebeveynlik yöntemini uygulayabilecekleri belirtilmiş olsa da kitabın genel havasından çalışmayan annelere yönelik olduğu havasını almak mümkün. Kadının aile yapısı içerisindeki birincil görevinin annelik olduğu, çalışıyorsa ancak aile ekonomisine bir "katkıda bulunduğu", yine çalışıyorsa daha fazla çaba sarf edebilmek adına işi dışında (ve hatta işinde de) çocuğunu her şeyin önüne koyup başka hiçbir hobi edinmemesi, erkeğin de kadın yardıma ihtiyaç duyduğunda ev işlerinde ona "yardım etmesi" gibi şeylerle dolu bir kitap. Kitabın çeşitli yerlerinde sanki eşit bir dağılım söz konusuymuş, erkekler de "doğal olarak ebeveynlik içgüdüsüne sahip olmasalar bile" anneler kadar bağlanma temelli ebeveynlik yapabilirmiş gibi belirtilmiş olsa da kitabın genel tavrının "kadın önce annedir" olduğunu belirtmem gerekiyor ve bu benim kitaba karşı önyargı ile yaklaşmama sebep oluyor. Kitapta her ne kadar doğal ebeveynlik ilkelerinden birinin "denge" olduğu belirtilmiş ve kadınların kendilerine de zaman ayırmaları arada bir tercihen babalarına, yoksa çok tercih edilmese de bakıcıya bırakıp yürüyüş ve alışveriş yapmak gibi kendilerine zaman ayırmaları önerilmiş olsa da (çünkü bilindiği gibi kadınların en büyük stres atma yöntemi alışveriştir(?)) öncelikli görevleri konusunda net.
-Bahsedilenden daha fazla kadını etkilediği bilinen postpartum depresyon gibi annelerin çocukları ile bağlanmada sıkıntı kurduğu durumlara neredeyse hiç atıf yapılmamış olması ve "çalışan baba, evde çocuğa bakan anne" stereotipi dışında kalınan aile yapılarına ancak ufak ufak bölümlerde yer verilmiş olması da sıkıntılı gördüğüm bir konu.
Elbette tek bir kitabın bahsi geçen yaklaşımı tamamen yansıttığını düşünmüyorum ve en tepede de belirttiğim gibi çocuğu ile bağ kurmanın, içgüdüsel olarak onun ihtiyaçlarını öngörebilmenin ve ilgilenmenin zaten yapılması gereken ve genelgeçer bir norm olması gerektiğini düşünüyorum. Ancak özellikle (bu yorumun Türkçe olduğu göz önünde bulundurularak) ülkemiz gibi anneye otomatik olarak atfedilen, annenin omuzlarına bırakılan belli görevleri "zaten içgüdüsel olarak öyle" diyerek desteklemesini de doğru bulmuyorum. Kitabı çok tekrarlı bulmama rağmen acaba yeni bir şey öğrenebilir miyim diyerek sonuna kadar okudum ancak maalesef bana kazandırdığı herhangi bir bilgi bulunmuyor.
September 3, 2008
This book is very commonsense (as the subtitle suggests) but also different than what I thought I knew. I like what it has to say.
When I read "A Lantern in Her Hand" it talks about Abbie's daughter-in-law who raises her children by the book, and is so strict about it that she will let no one else help. This is in contrast to Abbie, who had almost no mentor, but knew what to do for her children. After reading that I knew didn't want to raise my children "by the book." I want to do what I feel is best, and not what someone who doesn't know them says.
But the paradox is that this book feels like it is bringing us back to the roots of just "knowing what to do." It talks about trusting our instincts, and doing what would be natural if there were no outside cultural "norms."
My favorite thought is that our job is to get to know, and take care of our children, and we do that by being with them.
I've really enjoyed talking to my mom and mother-in-law about this book, but I've also learned that, unless I want to argue, there are quite a few people I should not bring the concepts up around.
When I read "A Lantern in Her Hand" it talks about Abbie's daughter-in-law who raises her children by the book, and is so strict about it that she will let no one else help. This is in contrast to Abbie, who had almost no mentor, but knew what to do for her children. After reading that I knew didn't want to raise my children "by the book." I want to do what I feel is best, and not what someone who doesn't know them says.
But the paradox is that this book feels like it is bringing us back to the roots of just "knowing what to do." It talks about trusting our instincts, and doing what would be natural if there were no outside cultural "norms."
My favorite thought is that our job is to get to know, and take care of our children, and we do that by being with them.
I've really enjoyed talking to my mom and mother-in-law about this book, but I've also learned that, unless I want to argue, there are quite a few people I should not bring the concepts up around.
April 2, 2015
My two star rating doesn't reflect my opinion of attachment parenting, it reflects how I responded to the book overall. Even though my family practices many aspects of attachment parenting I felt as though the tone of the book was too preachy and made too many assumptions about parents who don't practice attachment parenting. I also felt many of the statements and beliefs weren't adequately backed up by research and seemed over simplified. "Blessed with a high needs baby" just wear them in a sling most of the day and nurse all night while bed sharing but be sure to find a balance between parenting and your own happiness... I'm glad I read this mostly so I could better understand others who follow the Sears family but I'm glad I didn't read it before giving birth to my 11-mo son. Instead I will continue to read other sources on attachment.
February 27, 2015
When my daughter was about 2 months old she stopped sleeping in her crib. One morning after a horrible night of neither of us sleeping, I bundled her up and walked to my mom's place. My mom took one look at us and told us to go sleep in the spare room. As tired as I was, I was terrified of co-sleeping but my mom promised to check in on us every few minutes to make sure I didn't roll over onto her. We slept that way the entire day and when we awoke my mom said I hadn't moved at all except for twice when I nursed her (something I only vaguely remember doing). The next night I tried again to put her in her crib and when she refused I immediately gave up and moved her into my bed. She hasn't gone back into the crib since and I love sharing a bed with her - I sleep better, she sleeps better and every morning I wake up to happy baby smiles.
Then I starting researching co-sleeping in more depth and that was when I first heard of Dr. Sears and the term attachment parenting. Reading this book has made me realize that I am an AP and that I can trust that the decisions I make for my baby will be the right ones, regardless of how others choose to parent. And even though there is a lot in the book relating to the two-parent family, I like how it also does touch on single APs like me. Dr. Sears gives parents confidence to be the best parents they can be as well as to accept that there is no such thing as a perfect parent.
Then I starting researching co-sleeping in more depth and that was when I first heard of Dr. Sears and the term attachment parenting. Reading this book has made me realize that I am an AP and that I can trust that the decisions I make for my baby will be the right ones, regardless of how others choose to parent. And even though there is a lot in the book relating to the two-parent family, I like how it also does touch on single APs like me. Dr. Sears gives parents confidence to be the best parents they can be as well as to accept that there is no such thing as a perfect parent.
March 15, 2024
Such a natural and truly common sense approach to parenting. Dr. Sears puts words to my most natural inclinations as a first time mom and also makes logical suggestions I’d not have thought of. Love this book.
September 11, 2025
if i could scream this books praises from the rooftops!
December 19, 2020
No compassion for single or working mothers, or mothers who for any reason can't breastfeed. Classist and sexist.
October 28, 2023
Super dla początkujących rodziców, tylko ok jak trzeba przeczytać do jakiejs prezentacji jako student
July 1, 2016
I liked this book, but not as much as I thought I would. I followed a lot of attachment parenting principles with my first son, without even knowing it was called that. I just did what made sense and came instinctively to me. It made me feel better (and easier for us to work on his struggling nursing issues) to have him close to me at night than to put him all alone in a separate room. It was easier to wear him and have my hands free than carry him all around or deal with bringing a stroller everywhere.
According to Dr. Sears, there are seven "B's" of Attachment Parenting (many of which are stretches of the use of the letter "B"): "Birth bonding," "Breastfeeding," "Babywearing," "Bedding close to bayb," "Belief in the language of the baby's care," "Beware of Baby Trainers," and "Balance"-- meeting adults's needs as well as children's needs. Once I realized that I had practiced "attachment parenting" to a large extent, I was expecting my second child, and I wanted to make sure I was doing it all right the second time around. I also wanted to read advice about how to transition in attachment parenting from the newborn/first year of life stage to the toddler/becoming an older child stage of life.
The best thing I got out of the book was "Beware of Baby Trainers." I like to call this "trust your own instinct." With my older son, I felt a little bombarded by well-meaning people (often strangers! Or other moms I had just met) who would ask me questions such as "Is he sleeping through the night?", "How is breastfeeding coming along?", or give me advice such as, "It's fine to supplement with formula and you're insane for insisting on breastmilk only-- even from gross sources like donated milk from other moms?!!" to "keep pumping forever because breast is best!," or "You'll spoil him if you pick him up every time he cries," or "Get him on a sleep schedule even if you have to let him cry it out," or "He'll die of SIDS if you let him sleep in bed with you!"
I always second-guessed my decisions and felt somehow inadequate. But then my son matured from a needy, confusing yet usually content newborn into a seemingly well-adjusted infant and then a typical hit-or-miss toddler. I realized I was doing just fine. Everyone has their own opinions and parenting style, and I should just trust my own. But it wasn't until I read this book that I really understood the importance of going with my gut. So that was helpful.
But I was left with the question of how to transition. I have to say that this book has almost ZERO answers for parents of "babies"/kids beyond 6 to 12 months old. Or perhaps the answer is to just keep attachment parenting them. But I wanted to know what happens when they misbehave and need a bit of "discipline" (which, to me, just means guidance and direction)? What happens when they hate daycare? When they refuse to eat in a high chair? There's a big difference between attending to a newborn's every need and learning to let a child explore limits but also teach and guide them.
This book is definitely for parents of young babies and I'm hoping to find some kind of sequel for the toddler years. In the meantime, I'll just keep trusting my gut. I believe in some strange sort of hybrid between attachment parenting and free range parenting. I definitely believe in giving my kids independence and self-autonomy but also good guidance and direction, and those things are outside the scope of this book, so I'm trying to figure them out for myself.
The basic advice this book gives is really good, and I do believe that babies benefit from all of the "B's" of attachment parenting. As a basic introduction and explanation into the concepts of attachment parenting and why parents might want to try it out, it's a good book. But I had two other problems with it.
First, the "Balance" part didn't sound very balanced to me. I think this book is aimed towards stay at home moms (or at least moms who stay at home with their babies for the first 6 to 12 months of life) and a lot of its advice is impractical for moms who need or want to return to work. I feel fortunate to be able to mostly stay home with my sons while they're young and to have a lot of help from my husband and his family. (I didn't have my kids until I was in my mid-30's with an established career and a lot of savings in the bank, so I'm able to significantly cut back on work for awhile in order to focus on them.) But many moms aren't in the same situation, voluntarily or involuntarily, and so the advice seems rather unrealistic or maybe even a bit judgmental.
For instance, after a lengthy section that talks about childcare, Dr. Sears says he's assuming that only parents or other family caregivers will be taking care of the baby for the first year of its life, and that daycare is no place to send a baby (more or less... that's the gist of what he says). Although my own son didn't start daycare until he was well within his second year of life, I was rather aghast at this comment. Most American women are lucky to get 6 weeks of paid maternity leave and then must return to work if they want or need to keep their jobs, so I couldn't believe that Dr. Sears offhandedly made this remark as if it could so easily apply to so many mothers.
Then he goes into a description of his ideal work/childcare balance for mothers, which includes asking your boss if you can have more time off, bringing baby to work with you, going part-time or giving up your career at least temporarily, and becoming some sort of activist for mothers' rights within the workplace. Again, for most moms these are simply not feasible options and many bosses would laugh-- or worse-- at such requests. There is a even an illustration featuring an ideal situation of a mom working at home-- she is typing on the computer while baby is calmly playing in a nearby room. I'm sorry but what in the ever-living heck is he talking about? When I try to "work at home" while "taking care of my sons," I get very little of either goal accomplished. My son either runs wild and tries to destroy the house or himself, or my work is equally neglected. I feel that Dr. Sears must be living on some other (male-oriented) planet to really think that such an arrangement could work well for very long at all. And while I wish and hope that maternity leave policies and laws would change in the US, for right now women are stuck with the harsh reality of choosing between work and attachment parenting (and for many women it's not a choice they could feasibly make.)
Let's face it: attachment parenting takes a lot of time and work on the mother's behalf. Sure, there's a section for fathers that instructs them on how to be involved in attachment parenting and how to help their mates, but the majority of carrying and feeding for an attachment parented child necessarily falls on Mom's shoulders. It's nice for Dad to be able to sneak in some skin to skin with Baby while he watches a baseball game, or wear him around the park, but as soon as Baby starts giving hunger cues, the breastfeeding "B" of attachment parenting necessitates that Mom and her heroic boobies show up to save the day.
While I know many women who practice attachment parenting, most of them are stay at home moms at least in some capacity: they either work part-time or at least temporarily not at all. There's also the option of hiring a nanny and training her in attachment parenting techniques, which the book recommends as a last resort substitute if preferably Mom or else another family member can't be around to attachment parent all day. Obviously such an option costs a lot of money and is another way that the book seems to act like every mother has the privilege of either not working or hiring a nanny to do attachment parenting tasks. To be fair, the book does say that one doesn't have to use all of the suggestions and that moms can just attachment parent in whatever ways they feel fit, but the choice to attachment parent is inherently a pretty extreme one that does take up most of Mom's free time and career options, at least for the first year or so. (I could be wrong, and would love to hear from parents who did these things while working and without hiring a nanny/specially trained caregiver who could wear their child around all day.)
Finally, the other thing that bothered me was the lack of citations to studies or other research that "proved" this method correct. I read nonfiction/parenting books for research and I like to find out the "why" and "how" behind the methods urged. This book was mostly made up of anecdotal stories from Dr. Sears and other parents. Yes, Dr. Sears is a doctor and he and his wife have something like 8 kids, but they literally use their "experiments" with their kids as their "research." It always bugs me when I'm at a doctor's appointment and my kid's pediatrician says, "Well I did this with my daughter so I'm recommending it to you...". I get that "9 out of 10 doctors do this with their own kid" is supposed to be some ringing endorsement like the kind we hear in toothpaste commercials, but to me it means just a little bit more than diddly squat. I'm glad that these methods worked for the author but without any kind of impartial studies, it's still a parenting style *preference* rather than a method that has much backing behind it.
I don't spank my kids not only because I can't even imagine striking them or any other human being (or other animal) but also because I've read a ton of research that it does them more harm than good. I breastfeed my kids not only because it's free and convenient and because my boobs won't stop leaking all this milk all the time, but also because I've read a ton of research that it's good for both them and me. I also believe based on common sense that a tiny helpless newborn needs to have his cries responded to and his needs attended to. But I have yet to see meaningful research on co-sleeping versus cry it out techniques, baby-wearing versus sitting them down in the latest contraption that costs $500 to shake, rock and roll the baby all day, or keeping your kid tied to your side in a sling versus putting them in daycare for socialization and learning opportunities... and part of the reason I read this book was to find out about such research. So I was very disappointed that there was little to no actual research and instead just feel-good stories about why this stuff worked for Dr. Sears, his children, his patients, and random people who had read his book.
I also thought that there were some pretty outrageous claims made or implied-- for instance, that kids who are attachment parented may be at less risk for developing things like autism or ADD-- without any kind of science to back it up. I feel like that's a little irresponsible if not outright manipulative. I do get that it's Dr. Sears' theory and that he doesn't outright claim it's some science, but I just feel like it might make parents of children with conditions feel guilty for not nearly smothering them to sleep every night or not carrying them around in a colorful ring sling all day.
I realize I've been extremely critical of this book but I think it's just because I had such high hopes for it. I do feel that attachment parenting suits me and my children well, I feel grateful for the opportunity to be able to do it and I plan to continue doing it. Right now I've had my second son and I feel a lot more confident in my parenting style and decisions than I did with my first son. And yet I still realize that it's a parenting style/choice rather than some scientific or medical mandate, and I don't judge parents who choose a different way, which I kind of felt like the book did.
There were a lot of good points in the book and my copy is so dog-eared with things I want to look back on and save. So I did enjoy it and find it useful, but I also had criticisms of it that I wasn't expecting. Overall I would recommend the book but of course take all the advice with a grain of salt, and make sure you're wearing your baby while you read it. ;)
According to Dr. Sears, there are seven "B's" of Attachment Parenting (many of which are stretches of the use of the letter "B"): "Birth bonding," "Breastfeeding," "Babywearing," "Bedding close to bayb," "Belief in the language of the baby's care," "Beware of Baby Trainers," and "Balance"-- meeting adults's needs as well as children's needs. Once I realized that I had practiced "attachment parenting" to a large extent, I was expecting my second child, and I wanted to make sure I was doing it all right the second time around. I also wanted to read advice about how to transition in attachment parenting from the newborn/first year of life stage to the toddler/becoming an older child stage of life.
The best thing I got out of the book was "Beware of Baby Trainers." I like to call this "trust your own instinct." With my older son, I felt a little bombarded by well-meaning people (often strangers! Or other moms I had just met) who would ask me questions such as "Is he sleeping through the night?", "How is breastfeeding coming along?", or give me advice such as, "It's fine to supplement with formula and you're insane for insisting on breastmilk only-- even from gross sources like donated milk from other moms?!!" to "keep pumping forever because breast is best!," or "You'll spoil him if you pick him up every time he cries," or "Get him on a sleep schedule even if you have to let him cry it out," or "He'll die of SIDS if you let him sleep in bed with you!"
I always second-guessed my decisions and felt somehow inadequate. But then my son matured from a needy, confusing yet usually content newborn into a seemingly well-adjusted infant and then a typical hit-or-miss toddler. I realized I was doing just fine. Everyone has their own opinions and parenting style, and I should just trust my own. But it wasn't until I read this book that I really understood the importance of going with my gut. So that was helpful.
But I was left with the question of how to transition. I have to say that this book has almost ZERO answers for parents of "babies"/kids beyond 6 to 12 months old. Or perhaps the answer is to just keep attachment parenting them. But I wanted to know what happens when they misbehave and need a bit of "discipline" (which, to me, just means guidance and direction)? What happens when they hate daycare? When they refuse to eat in a high chair? There's a big difference between attending to a newborn's every need and learning to let a child explore limits but also teach and guide them.
This book is definitely for parents of young babies and I'm hoping to find some kind of sequel for the toddler years. In the meantime, I'll just keep trusting my gut. I believe in some strange sort of hybrid between attachment parenting and free range parenting. I definitely believe in giving my kids independence and self-autonomy but also good guidance and direction, and those things are outside the scope of this book, so I'm trying to figure them out for myself.
The basic advice this book gives is really good, and I do believe that babies benefit from all of the "B's" of attachment parenting. As a basic introduction and explanation into the concepts of attachment parenting and why parents might want to try it out, it's a good book. But I had two other problems with it.
First, the "Balance" part didn't sound very balanced to me. I think this book is aimed towards stay at home moms (or at least moms who stay at home with their babies for the first 6 to 12 months of life) and a lot of its advice is impractical for moms who need or want to return to work. I feel fortunate to be able to mostly stay home with my sons while they're young and to have a lot of help from my husband and his family. (I didn't have my kids until I was in my mid-30's with an established career and a lot of savings in the bank, so I'm able to significantly cut back on work for awhile in order to focus on them.) But many moms aren't in the same situation, voluntarily or involuntarily, and so the advice seems rather unrealistic or maybe even a bit judgmental.
For instance, after a lengthy section that talks about childcare, Dr. Sears says he's assuming that only parents or other family caregivers will be taking care of the baby for the first year of its life, and that daycare is no place to send a baby (more or less... that's the gist of what he says). Although my own son didn't start daycare until he was well within his second year of life, I was rather aghast at this comment. Most American women are lucky to get 6 weeks of paid maternity leave and then must return to work if they want or need to keep their jobs, so I couldn't believe that Dr. Sears offhandedly made this remark as if it could so easily apply to so many mothers.
Then he goes into a description of his ideal work/childcare balance for mothers, which includes asking your boss if you can have more time off, bringing baby to work with you, going part-time or giving up your career at least temporarily, and becoming some sort of activist for mothers' rights within the workplace. Again, for most moms these are simply not feasible options and many bosses would laugh-- or worse-- at such requests. There is a even an illustration featuring an ideal situation of a mom working at home-- she is typing on the computer while baby is calmly playing in a nearby room. I'm sorry but what in the ever-living heck is he talking about? When I try to "work at home" while "taking care of my sons," I get very little of either goal accomplished. My son either runs wild and tries to destroy the house or himself, or my work is equally neglected. I feel that Dr. Sears must be living on some other (male-oriented) planet to really think that such an arrangement could work well for very long at all. And while I wish and hope that maternity leave policies and laws would change in the US, for right now women are stuck with the harsh reality of choosing between work and attachment parenting (and for many women it's not a choice they could feasibly make.)
Let's face it: attachment parenting takes a lot of time and work on the mother's behalf. Sure, there's a section for fathers that instructs them on how to be involved in attachment parenting and how to help their mates, but the majority of carrying and feeding for an attachment parented child necessarily falls on Mom's shoulders. It's nice for Dad to be able to sneak in some skin to skin with Baby while he watches a baseball game, or wear him around the park, but as soon as Baby starts giving hunger cues, the breastfeeding "B" of attachment parenting necessitates that Mom and her heroic boobies show up to save the day.
While I know many women who practice attachment parenting, most of them are stay at home moms at least in some capacity: they either work part-time or at least temporarily not at all. There's also the option of hiring a nanny and training her in attachment parenting techniques, which the book recommends as a last resort substitute if preferably Mom or else another family member can't be around to attachment parent all day. Obviously such an option costs a lot of money and is another way that the book seems to act like every mother has the privilege of either not working or hiring a nanny to do attachment parenting tasks. To be fair, the book does say that one doesn't have to use all of the suggestions and that moms can just attachment parent in whatever ways they feel fit, but the choice to attachment parent is inherently a pretty extreme one that does take up most of Mom's free time and career options, at least for the first year or so. (I could be wrong, and would love to hear from parents who did these things while working and without hiring a nanny/specially trained caregiver who could wear their child around all day.)
Finally, the other thing that bothered me was the lack of citations to studies or other research that "proved" this method correct. I read nonfiction/parenting books for research and I like to find out the "why" and "how" behind the methods urged. This book was mostly made up of anecdotal stories from Dr. Sears and other parents. Yes, Dr. Sears is a doctor and he and his wife have something like 8 kids, but they literally use their "experiments" with their kids as their "research." It always bugs me when I'm at a doctor's appointment and my kid's pediatrician says, "Well I did this with my daughter so I'm recommending it to you...". I get that "9 out of 10 doctors do this with their own kid" is supposed to be some ringing endorsement like the kind we hear in toothpaste commercials, but to me it means just a little bit more than diddly squat. I'm glad that these methods worked for the author but without any kind of impartial studies, it's still a parenting style *preference* rather than a method that has much backing behind it.
I don't spank my kids not only because I can't even imagine striking them or any other human being (or other animal) but also because I've read a ton of research that it does them more harm than good. I breastfeed my kids not only because it's free and convenient and because my boobs won't stop leaking all this milk all the time, but also because I've read a ton of research that it's good for both them and me. I also believe based on common sense that a tiny helpless newborn needs to have his cries responded to and his needs attended to. But I have yet to see meaningful research on co-sleeping versus cry it out techniques, baby-wearing versus sitting them down in the latest contraption that costs $500 to shake, rock and roll the baby all day, or keeping your kid tied to your side in a sling versus putting them in daycare for socialization and learning opportunities... and part of the reason I read this book was to find out about such research. So I was very disappointed that there was little to no actual research and instead just feel-good stories about why this stuff worked for Dr. Sears, his children, his patients, and random people who had read his book.
I also thought that there were some pretty outrageous claims made or implied-- for instance, that kids who are attachment parented may be at less risk for developing things like autism or ADD-- without any kind of science to back it up. I feel like that's a little irresponsible if not outright manipulative. I do get that it's Dr. Sears' theory and that he doesn't outright claim it's some science, but I just feel like it might make parents of children with conditions feel guilty for not nearly smothering them to sleep every night or not carrying them around in a colorful ring sling all day.
I realize I've been extremely critical of this book but I think it's just because I had such high hopes for it. I do feel that attachment parenting suits me and my children well, I feel grateful for the opportunity to be able to do it and I plan to continue doing it. Right now I've had my second son and I feel a lot more confident in my parenting style and decisions than I did with my first son. And yet I still realize that it's a parenting style/choice rather than some scientific or medical mandate, and I don't judge parents who choose a different way, which I kind of felt like the book did.
There were a lot of good points in the book and my copy is so dog-eared with things I want to look back on and save. So I did enjoy it and find it useful, but I also had criticisms of it that I wasn't expecting. Overall I would recommend the book but of course take all the advice with a grain of salt, and make sure you're wearing your baby while you read it. ;)
October 31, 2019
Instinctively hate parenting books. But on the way to becoming an actual parent, figured I should read some anyhow. Because I was never one of those kids who liked dolls. Or littler kids. Or ... people, really, TBH. Plus, I embarked on the parenting journey at a pretty unique time. First off, we were at what felt like the forefront of a new approach to parenting. College-educated professional go-getters who knew how to manage a project, we naturally brought our skills to bear on the childbearing milieu, too. We looked at our parent's practices and our own childhood experiences to suss out where things went right or wrong. We talked to people and read books and studied various philosophies to gather best practices — best for the baby and for our marriages and for the planet, and sometimes even admittedly for ourselves. We looked at various approaches, products, tools, and services to find better ways to get the job done. Because job it full well is, and we knew it. But. Second off, I found to my surprise my conclusions to be off-kilter from many of my peers. I was raised by a working mother. I assumed that's what we'd all want to be. At college, among other things, I studied up on a women's movement nominally bent on ensuring we'd not be trapped by some kind of biological destiny. I pursued a career that made me the breadwinner in the years before motherhood. Whilst trying for and then gestating a baby, however, I woke up to the fact that nearly every one of my girlfriends planned to be a stay-at-home-mother. I was at first floored, and then took quite a while to figure out my own stance vis a vis this astonishing development. And. Third off, technology was more and more of a factor for me and my mom friends. Nowadays, if we didn't all have phones, we'd miss out on much family bonding with our teens and tweens via text. But back then? When I had little kids, I didn't even have a mobile phone much less a smartphone. Blogging was barely a thing, either, folks. We looked to the internet for ideas, but that mostly meant hitting a few big brand websites from our work computers to read baby product reviews during lunch break. Oh! And we'd make playdates by emailing or calling each other well ahead of time, people. Like from landlines. Well ahead. I know. It sounds weird, but at a time when we new mothers barely knew when or how we might successfully eat or sleep or put fresh clothes on, we had to plan ahead if we wanted to connect with other grown ups who might have direct insight on our day-to-day experiences. So. I read this book, and formulated a firm opinion that my husband and me would be attachment parents. I put a sling and a Baby Bjorn on my baby shower registry, natch. I sneered at the idea of a bassinet and even wondered whether we really should shell out for a crib at all. Co-sleeping is natural to humans, yo! And cribs are like, overpriced baby danger zones. I planned to breastfeed, and got myself a cray expensive pump to keep it up after returning to work. I did not go all the way to cloth diaper land, but I thought hard about it so as to come to a conscious decision. And I did make my own baby food. Using organic superfoods, see, because that's obvi best for baby. After as long with the breast as possible, I mean. I also came to the conclusion that while I did not want to stay home in a longterm way, I didn't want to be trapped into going back to work before I was good and ready, either. I wanted to manage stay-at-home-motherhood like a project. Timeboxed at like, one year. Timeline to be re-assessed if ever I began to feel trapped at home, but also to be extended if a year turned out to be not long enough. I managed to string together maternity leave and vacay time and squirrel away extra funds to cover my preferred timeline. And I loved it. And hated it! But really, really loved it. I loved how I worked up to the very last moment, leaving the office on the big day already in labor. I loved how we connected at home calmly — jittery but in control — and figured out together when to go to the birthing center. The car ride was crazy, and when we arrived I can't say all went perfectly. But we survived, as did most of my parts. And we got a wonderfully healthy, scrawny tiny baby out of the deal. I loved how once he was in my arms, despite my life's nearly complete non-preparation for this event, I knew him. Knew just how to cradle him and what he could handle, tiny and fragile seeming as he was. Yet. Of course there were moments of pure panic. And boredom. And despair. I did feel trapped — not just at home, but in my nursing chair. This kid would feed 24x7 if I let him! And at first, I pretty much did let him. He was incredibly skinny and somewhat fussy. He was very strong. He magically quieted outside, listening and looking around in plain wonder. He had a long attention span. He preferred to be carried tummy down, like a football. He would sleep, eventually, for a little while. Especially if on my person. I carried him everywhere. It was all magical that May. And June. And July. He was happy and funny and adorable! Old ladies loved on him in every store. We drove in the car. We flew on a plane. He grew. Then one day in August, I knew what I knew. Real family life doesn't follow a book, or a guru. Real family life is uniquely our own, for us to make, together. In our real family life, I'm a person, too. Sorry, Dr. Sears, but I know who I am and what I'm up against better than any of you. Texas summers are hot. My needs matter in this family of ours, and indeed, the old saying's too true: When mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy. My bed was too overcrowded and overheated with three people in it. Luckily, someone had insisted on giving us a crib. In which, to this point, our baby had spent the teensiest tiniest possible time "napping." Thus I began the terrible work of acquainting my child with cool sheets and clear spaces. I introduced the concept very gently. He disagreed rather vehemently. Would go down, but refused to stay down long. Putting this demon baby to bed became a crazy exhausting process with no real end. I was like to die. One night, husband out of town on biz, babe finally abed, I just sat there shellshocked and suffering PTSD. Waiting for my boy to go off like a baby-sized bomb blast. Which he would in 3, 2, 1. And when he did? I just couldn't. Could not go in and nurse him another minute. Almost could not even get up off the couch. And so I didn't. Instead, I cried. He cried, too. I visited to be sure he was safe, then turned on the TV and cried some more. My way was mostly quiet whimpering, his was the opposite. Until it wasn't. OMG! Sleep happened. Happened all night long. For both of us. Separately. So ... in the end, I did what I'd sworn I'd not do. Ferberized my baby. The good news? Didn't need to read a book to do it. Just did it my own exhaustion-is-the-mother-of-invention way. And I've mostly sworn off parenting books since. #MapMyReadingLife
April 5, 2025
This is THE GREATEST comprehensive book that a parent could read! I will be buying this book for every one of my friends and family members who has a baby, it is pure gold!!!!! I feel like most of it was confirmation for me as someone who has instinctively practiced AP w my 16 month old, but I will totally read it again before we welcome another baby. Full of facts & medical studies as well as testimonials, this book really covers all the bases.
There’s no expert like the author — pediatrician for 30+ years and father of 8. I know all of this content is both well practiced and well lived!
There’s no expert like the author — pediatrician for 30+ years and father of 8. I know all of this content is both well practiced and well lived!
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February 11, 2023I tried for months to get through this short book. I agree with several B’s in theory, but in practice the authors take them to extremes that are not realistic for me (or a lot of other parents, judging by the reviews). It seemed that as each subject was introduced the authors would comment that not everyone can do all of these things perfectly all the time, and then write the rest of the chapter with the expectation that you need to do all of these things perfectly all the time, or you are harming your child. Every time I read more than a few pages of this book I felt like I was letting my child down and incapable of what they presented as a bare minimum. About halfway through I skimmed the rest of the book and then put it aside to get rid of.
November 10, 2023
As a new parent I was triggered by the word attachment in the title of the book. I did not form an attachment with my own parents so I got worried about how I will bond with my own child. Books have always given me more insight, hence the purchase.
I expected learning more about attachments between mother and child. I also wanted to figure out for myself what it means to be attached and how to notice it.
This book gave me a framework for healthy parent attachments and also gave me the courage to stand by the choices that I feel are right for me,my partner and my child.
I resonated with the framework and the given guidance.
Definitely a book I will come back to.
I can highly recommend this book to new parents that are searching for healing. Or can’t resonate with mainstream parenting guides and advices.
I expected learning more about attachments between mother and child. I also wanted to figure out for myself what it means to be attached and how to notice it.
This book gave me a framework for healthy parent attachments and also gave me the courage to stand by the choices that I feel are right for me,my partner and my child.
I resonated with the framework and the given guidance.
Definitely a book I will come back to.
I can highly recommend this book to new parents that are searching for healing. Or can’t resonate with mainstream parenting guides and advices.
November 27, 2021
“Attachment Parenting” ekolü aslında bizim Çocuk Gelişimi ve Psikoloji alanından aşina olduğumuz bir yaklaşımdı. Ben de bebeğimi beklerken bir tek bu kitabı okumaya karar vermiştim, iyi ki de öyle yapmışım. İyi bir perspektif sunduğu kesin. Zira “şunu yap bunu yap” diyenlerin aksine sezgilerine kulak vermeyi öğütleyen doğal bir yaklaşım. Elimden geldiğince uygulayacağım.
February 15, 2022
Kopumā labs ieskats piesaistes audzināšanā, taču daudzas lietas atkārtojas un iet pa apli.
Un šajā pandēmijas laikā tik depresīvi lasīt aicinājumus mammai iet palutināt sevi un atpūsties, vai iet ar bērnu kaut kur tikties ar cilvēkiem vai izklaidēties 😂🙈 yeah, right!
Un šajā pandēmijas laikā tik depresīvi lasīt aicinājumus mammai iet palutināt sevi un atpūsties, vai iet ar bērnu kaut kur tikties ar cilvēkiem vai izklaidēties 😂🙈 yeah, right!
January 19, 2022
Kontaktní rodičovství ano, tahle kniha ne.
March 10, 2024
This book aligns with my husband and I’s goals for our children, and gave useful tips to achieve those goals. Parts of the book felt repetitive and like they were trying to win you over for this parenting style. Studies were outdated, would be curious to see more recent studies.
May 31, 2025
3,5
dałabym 4 ale pod koniec miałam wrażenie że mocno sie powtarza
dałabym 4 ale pod koniec miałam wrażenie że mocno sie powtarza
July 23, 2019
kendini fazlaca tekrarlayan, 10 sayfalık bilgiyi 300 sayfa anlatan bir kitap.
August 14, 2017
Bebeğe disiplin vermeye çalışmak yerine onun ihtiyaçlarını göz önünde bulundurmamız gerektiğine dair bir kitap. Uyku eğitimi, saatli emzirme yapan biriyseniz size farklı gelebilir. Ama her istediğinde emziren, bebeğinizi askıyla taşıyan biriyseniz anlatılanları hali hazırda biliyorsunuz demektir.Ben bir tek, bebekle aynı yatakta uyuma fikrine katılmıyorum ama bu da yine bebeğinize göre değişebilir. Pozitif bir dile sahipti. Genel olarak beğendim.
July 16, 2018
مفهوم التربية بالارتباط attachment parenting
شرحته بالعربي في حسابي الانستقرام على شكل بوستات مرتبة
@duaa_aldrees
شرحته بالعربي في حسابي الانستقرام على شكل بوستات مرتبة
@duaa_aldrees
October 25, 2021
"Attachment Parenting is learning to read the cues of your baby and responding appropriately to those cues."
I started off reading this book a bit dubious as the introduction primarily made grand statements about Attachment Parenting with the authors meriting their knowledge to the fact they were parents and through "children they have met." It came across like a lot of their assertions and claims were not research based which instantly got my back up. I also had some presumptions of the approach as the book began, as it states that the 7 attachment tools are:
- Birth Bonding
- Breast Feeding
- Baby Wearing
- Bed Sharing
- Belief in Baby's Cries
- Balance and Boundaries
- Beware of Baby Trainers
I didn't know how I felt about bed sharing and felt that I would be judged for not doing this and that this would be viewed with judgement by the AP community. However the authors are quick to state that these are "tools" to be used as and when and to complement our unique family situations which put me at ease somewhat.
As the book developed and went into each of B's individually I began to really absorb a lot and enjoy the ideas. A lot of them although not rooted in a lot of research, make perfect sense and are intuitive, natural parenting.
It has made me more open to Breast Feeding (this will definitely be my preference now based on the bonding that takes place during this and the health benefits to my baby), and Bed Sharing (although I think I will only be wanting to do this until 6 months) and Baby Wearing (this idea I love and I will definitely be doing this whilst they're a newborn to help me bond with baby whilst having quality time with my friends, family, partner and doing household chores.
I view this as THE book to read about baby wearing and bed-sharing. I would say watching Youtube tutorials on how to use a wrap complements this well in feeling confident in how to do this properly. I think I would like to read more on the topic of sleep and breastfeeding.
I started off reading this book a bit dubious as the introduction primarily made grand statements about Attachment Parenting with the authors meriting their knowledge to the fact they were parents and through "children they have met." It came across like a lot of their assertions and claims were not research based which instantly got my back up. I also had some presumptions of the approach as the book began, as it states that the 7 attachment tools are:
- Birth Bonding
- Breast Feeding
- Baby Wearing
- Bed Sharing
- Belief in Baby's Cries
- Balance and Boundaries
- Beware of Baby Trainers
I didn't know how I felt about bed sharing and felt that I would be judged for not doing this and that this would be viewed with judgement by the AP community. However the authors are quick to state that these are "tools" to be used as and when and to complement our unique family situations which put me at ease somewhat.
As the book developed and went into each of B's individually I began to really absorb a lot and enjoy the ideas. A lot of them although not rooted in a lot of research, make perfect sense and are intuitive, natural parenting.
It has made me more open to Breast Feeding (this will definitely be my preference now based on the bonding that takes place during this and the health benefits to my baby), and Bed Sharing (although I think I will only be wanting to do this until 6 months) and Baby Wearing (this idea I love and I will definitely be doing this whilst they're a newborn to help me bond with baby whilst having quality time with my friends, family, partner and doing household chores.
I view this as THE book to read about baby wearing and bed-sharing. I would say watching Youtube tutorials on how to use a wrap complements this well in feeling confident in how to do this properly. I think I would like to read more on the topic of sleep and breastfeeding.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
July 24, 2015
I loved this book. Every parent has or will have a different parenting style, and this book accepts that, much more than the other baby books I've read. (Babywise, anyone?) The main point to this book is basically to follow your instincts, and to do what is best for you, your baby and your family. It has several suggestions on how to get there (5 B's) but at the end of the day continues to stress to do what is best for you and your family. I love that. I also found it very comforting in regards to just accepting the personality of the baby you have, and going with it. It was really nice to find a book about parenting written by parents who literally seem to have seen almost every situation, including special needs, "high needs babies" (loved that term-it's a lot better than constantly trying to find words to say your baby isn't difficult, or other somewhat derogatory terms) and adoption. Yes, it has faults, like pushing "beware of baby trainers" but overall this is one of the best books on parenting, and finding your parenting style, without making you feel like garbage for not having a baby that fits the mould of other baby books.
August 4, 2012
I read many parenting books when I was pregnant with our 1st daughter and this was the first one I picked up. This is not the philosophy we chose for our infants initially, but it looked more and more like this with each kido. I know parents who have taken this road and I respect it. It is not wrong, just not right for us. As with any parenting book and philosophy it depends on the heart and wisdom of the parent. The tools can differ, but if used in love, there are many mediums to becoming an artist in parenting.
For my fist babies we went more the "Babywise" route. *Insert collective gasp here.* There are things I would do differently now, as I have told one of my attachment parenting friends. I would snuggle and hold more, rock to sleep and stress less about a schedule. (You'll notice I gave Babywise the same rating.)
Live and learn. May God's grace guide us all.
I highly recommend, Grace Based Parenting by DR. Tim Kimmel. There is such refreshing freedom given in that book.
For my fist babies we went more the "Babywise" route. *Insert collective gasp here.* There are things I would do differently now, as I have told one of my attachment parenting friends. I would snuggle and hold more, rock to sleep and stress less about a schedule. (You'll notice I gave Babywise the same rating.)
Live and learn. May God's grace guide us all.
I highly recommend, Grace Based Parenting by DR. Tim Kimmel. There is such refreshing freedom given in that book.
April 19, 2008
I think all new parents should probably read this book just because it opens your eyes up to certain possibilities. All of the Dr. Sears's books are great resources. (I didn't give this five stars because I was kind of turned off by the fact that it seemed to promise bright, compassionate, able children just by having a strong attachment, and, while I have no doubt it helps, I don't think it should be taken as gospel.) It didn't really change how I parent but did reaffirm that I can trust myself and my instincts. It did even warm me up to the idea of bed sharing, although for us I just don't think it will ever be the best choice--and that's okay. It also made me think even more (if that's possible) about how much I love breastfeeding my baby and how I just might keep doing it until who knows when. :)
April 17, 2014
I already agree with a lot of the tenets of this book, and most of what it extols is probably what I would have gone about doing on my own anyway had I never read it. But still, there was something not quite right for me about the book. I'm not sure if it was too touchy-feely, too much grandiosity and too many sweeping generalizations with too little science and research to back them up, or what. But either Sears wasn't selling it or I wasn't buying. I'm much more likely to sprinkle in some attachment parenting to soften up the RIE method than I am to abandon all other parenting schools in favor of exclusive attachment parenting after reading this (which is unfortunate, because I was really interested in this particular method, was pretty much a blank canvas and very eager student before I started reading).
August 20, 2015
A fan of AP but not this book
I had high expectations for this book because I'm interested in attachment theory and agree with many of the principles. However I was disappointed that the author did not back up many of his ideas with research. Instead he based many of his claims on his own personal life and clinical experience. It's not that clinical anecdotes don't have merit- I'm just the type of person who needs to know if their is research to back it up
I had high expectations for this book because I'm interested in attachment theory and agree with many of the principles. However I was disappointed that the author did not back up many of his ideas with research. Instead he based many of his claims on his own personal life and clinical experience. It's not that clinical anecdotes don't have merit- I'm just the type of person who needs to know if their is research to back it up
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