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Millennium Gothic: The Nostalgia Project, Vol I
Millennium Gothic is a memoir of dysfunctional teenage youth on the Birmingham goth scene, at the height of the buzzing y2k era. Woven through the clove smoke, blacklight and chartreuse are tales of self loathing, anorexia, the birth of the ‘pro ana’ scene, innocently reckless Ecstasy experiences, and above all, my first love, Ash, who lived through so much school-yard hell, he came within a hair’s breadth of becoming the first British school shooter, only to be saved at the eleventh hour by the psychic predictions of his soon-to-be-dead father.
Bound by love, madness, and so much spilled blood, Ash and I shared everything, moving in together at just sixteen years old...but there was one thing, one giant secret, Fate never granted me the time to tell him. So here they are, those secrets, dusted with cheap amphetamines, heavy with regret, and wrapped up in the fading afterglow of a thousand neon
Welcome to my world, Little Foetus…
Bound by love, madness, and so much spilled blood, Ash and I shared everything, moving in together at just sixteen years old...but there was one thing, one giant secret, Fate never granted me the time to tell him. So here they are, those secrets, dusted with cheap amphetamines, heavy with regret, and wrapped up in the fading afterglow of a thousand neon
Welcome to my world, Little Foetus…
351 pages, Kindle Edition
Published October 1, 2022
104 people are currently reading
507 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 58 reviews
November 28, 2022
I love Dorian and I love the nostalgia project. I watched the videos on YouTube and bought the book the day after it released and have been reading it since! There’s a lot of things I love about this book and one issue I have which I will explain. (I’ve made edits after I fully finished the book)
Good
-unique writing
Dorian writes in a way I have seen no one else write. It feels like you’re talking to your friend or an older family member and the minute you see this type of writing you know who the author is.
Some people may say they don’t like the writing, which is somewhat understandable. I believe writing is an art form where you can have the most creative idea but not understanding the functions of writing will surely prevent your ideas from coming across the way you intended. This writing feels like it’s made for someone to read it aloud to you (which it kinda was) and written by someone who may not have had formal education to teach them to write. But even through that I feel it’s still very good. There may be places for improvement but it’s a good book and definitely nowhere near the bad writing that makes a book a chore to read.
-very transparent
I wish I had this book when I was younger and going through similar things as Dorian. These stories can really give you comfort knowing someone has been through the same things as you.
-goth scene
If you were too young to get into the goth scene in the early 2000’s this is the perfect book to read so you can live through someone else and experience it.
Bad
-Ash…this is long
Sometimes I wonder what ash would sound like if someone else who knew him back then wrote about him too…he’d probably be a different person, since everything about this man is seen through Dorians rose tinted glasses. This book is very clearly meant for a young audience, which makes the way Ash and their relationship was handled even more concerning and immature.
Ash is Dorians first love, best friend and in my perspective kind of a parental figure at a time where he had no one. But he was also a savior, a hyper fixation and something Dorian depended on. Clearly he’s still in love with him. I understand why he views ash and their relationship in the way he does, but everything bad about ash is glossed over, and explanations as to why ash is who he is starts to sound like excuses. Ash is never just wrong, he has to be the victim, and every wrong thing about him is met with empathy and compassion.
Dorian talked about how bad he feels that ash attracts abusive people and that it’s bc he’s such a good person when in reality he goes after mentally ill teenagers. He even wanted to shoot up a school and he’s still made out to be a victim. I can go on a tangent with the problem of constantly making white male mass shooters into bullied victims but I won’t here. He probably had a very big impact of Dorian and how he thought, because after meeting Ash out of seemingly nowhere he wants to write about mass shooters and get inside the head of one, or more realistically get inside the head of Ash. He constantly dates teenagers as an adult and that’s addressed by saying “it was a different time” or it’s treated as if it’s just an imperfection, not something that needs to be fully addressed and warned against. Even ash knew he was wrong. Any of the adults that tried protecting him from the predatory relationship and had some sense was made out to be crazy. Dorian is a victim of constantly being preyed on by grown men and I don’t even know if he fully understands that himself. Even another (too old) boyfriend Dorian had tried to drunkenly SA him. I do believe these older men saw that Dorian was mentally ill with a visible ED and preyed on that. And every relationship was treated as though he was the one that messed everything up, and the grown men were never actually held accountable for going after someone so young.
When this book is explicitly made for teens/young adults and we’re making excuses for a man who’s a school shooter and a predator I get upset. In the book Dorian says his brain is almost stuck in the mindset of a teenager due to the ED, which could also explain why ash is talked about in this way. The book feels like Dorian is writing from the perspective of a naive teenager in love, even though the book is actually written in the perspective of Dorian as an adult looking back on their life. An adult should be able to look at this relationship more critically but this isn’t happening here. He’s too blinded by nostalgia and love.
Again I love Dorian, but this is genuinely a problem. I don’t care how many people try and normalize inappropriate age gap relationships, I will always be against it. Not all are full on abusive, but there’s always a reason why someone who’s grown can’t date someone their own age and it’s ALWAYS a red flag. Clearly Ash not dating someone his own age was a red flag bc when you learn more about him he was a problem.
Good
-unique writing
Dorian writes in a way I have seen no one else write. It feels like you’re talking to your friend or an older family member and the minute you see this type of writing you know who the author is.
Some people may say they don’t like the writing, which is somewhat understandable. I believe writing is an art form where you can have the most creative idea but not understanding the functions of writing will surely prevent your ideas from coming across the way you intended. This writing feels like it’s made for someone to read it aloud to you (which it kinda was) and written by someone who may not have had formal education to teach them to write. But even through that I feel it’s still very good. There may be places for improvement but it’s a good book and definitely nowhere near the bad writing that makes a book a chore to read.
-very transparent
I wish I had this book when I was younger and going through similar things as Dorian. These stories can really give you comfort knowing someone has been through the same things as you.
-goth scene
If you were too young to get into the goth scene in the early 2000’s this is the perfect book to read so you can live through someone else and experience it.
Bad
-Ash…this is long
Sometimes I wonder what ash would sound like if someone else who knew him back then wrote about him too…he’d probably be a different person, since everything about this man is seen through Dorians rose tinted glasses. This book is very clearly meant for a young audience, which makes the way Ash and their relationship was handled even more concerning and immature.
Ash is Dorians first love, best friend and in my perspective kind of a parental figure at a time where he had no one. But he was also a savior, a hyper fixation and something Dorian depended on. Clearly he’s still in love with him. I understand why he views ash and their relationship in the way he does, but everything bad about ash is glossed over, and explanations as to why ash is who he is starts to sound like excuses. Ash is never just wrong, he has to be the victim, and every wrong thing about him is met with empathy and compassion.
Dorian talked about how bad he feels that ash attracts abusive people and that it’s bc he’s such a good person when in reality he goes after mentally ill teenagers. He even wanted to shoot up a school and he’s still made out to be a victim. I can go on a tangent with the problem of constantly making white male mass shooters into bullied victims but I won’t here. He probably had a very big impact of Dorian and how he thought, because after meeting Ash out of seemingly nowhere he wants to write about mass shooters and get inside the head of one, or more realistically get inside the head of Ash. He constantly dates teenagers as an adult and that’s addressed by saying “it was a different time” or it’s treated as if it’s just an imperfection, not something that needs to be fully addressed and warned against. Even ash knew he was wrong. Any of the adults that tried protecting him from the predatory relationship and had some sense was made out to be crazy. Dorian is a victim of constantly being preyed on by grown men and I don’t even know if he fully understands that himself. Even another (too old) boyfriend Dorian had tried to drunkenly SA him. I do believe these older men saw that Dorian was mentally ill with a visible ED and preyed on that. And every relationship was treated as though he was the one that messed everything up, and the grown men were never actually held accountable for going after someone so young.
When this book is explicitly made for teens/young adults and we’re making excuses for a man who’s a school shooter and a predator I get upset. In the book Dorian says his brain is almost stuck in the mindset of a teenager due to the ED, which could also explain why ash is talked about in this way. The book feels like Dorian is writing from the perspective of a naive teenager in love, even though the book is actually written in the perspective of Dorian as an adult looking back on their life. An adult should be able to look at this relationship more critically but this isn’t happening here. He’s too blinded by nostalgia and love.
Again I love Dorian, but this is genuinely a problem. I don’t care how many people try and normalize inappropriate age gap relationships, I will always be against it. Not all are full on abusive, but there’s always a reason why someone who’s grown can’t date someone their own age and it’s ALWAYS a red flag. Clearly Ash not dating someone his own age was a red flag bc when you learn more about him he was a problem.
October 6, 2022
Don't even care that I'm not reviewing this book by the same standards I review any book ever but on sheer storytelling and strength of voice alone this book is easily, easily a 5 star read. I never wanted to put it down, not ever. Could be funny but this was one of few books I've read this year that I always and no matter what chose to pick up instead of anything else, TV, even some coursework, until I finished it.
It also made me obsessively listen to my trad goth playlist again for the first time in A WHILE so there's that too
It also made me obsessively listen to my trad goth playlist again for the first time in A WHILE so there's that too
Read
May 15, 2023One of the few books where my heart is going to completely dominate the review, rather than my head, and rose-tint everything… and that does sort of summarise this book in a way as well, doesn't it?
I'm in a period of my life wherein nostalgia is permeating everything, and I'm really aching for my teenage years because it feels as though whatever is laid out before me is due to be smothered. In the same breath, if I were to get transported back to my childhood, it would be just as much an agony as it was the first time around. But you can't help but pine for things sometimes, can you? This book, as I sort of knew it would be, acted like a salve.
Right out the gate, I'll say this: I do think you ought to listen to some of Dorian's narration of this book to get comfortable in the voice before you crack the book open. On page, the style itself really is reminiscent of a distant era. It's this meandering, dramatic, nearing-on-purple rendition of the darkest corners of teenagehood, and I'm not entirely sure I would've enjoyed or appreciated it as much as I did if I hadn't felt the energy in the narration.
Even the framing of it, being dragged by some spectral older sibling through the best of times, the worst of times, and everything in between, lends to it faring a little better audibly than it does visually. Is it odd to say the book is tactile?
The story isn't wholly linear, and your goth-guide loses train of thought and catches on tangents and lurches closer to the present only to reel back again. But I didn't personally find it to be too obtrusive, though admittedly these moments might have fared better if the framing had been more clearly established and the reader was given more, if not subtle, reminders that they were an observer.
It's so odd to try and review this book, honestly. There's so much here that I'd criticise the life out of ordinarily - but even with its 'messy' components, Millennium Gothic is just weirdly charming. The prose could've done with some streamlining (take a shot everytime 'neon' was used), the non-linear journey made it feel a bit stunted in pacing, and the tone of some experiences risks coming of as a bit patronising, and still a bit glorifying even with the occasional warning of "times were different then" or "you don't have to be a disaster to have life experiences."
But it still just felt so warm and unabashed, and the majority of my criticisms I say with an unfair amount of love peppered on top. It reminded me of swapping drafts with friends in my teens, hell-bent on portraying the darkest subjects in the frilliest ways, finding our footing with creative writing and never quite nailing it at a technical level but just really loving the process of it all anyway, and those stories kept their beating hearts for years and years after, however imperfect they may've been.
This is one of those very bizarre books that isn't, on paper, my thing at all anymore, but I really did just love this one.
I'm in a period of my life wherein nostalgia is permeating everything, and I'm really aching for my teenage years because it feels as though whatever is laid out before me is due to be smothered. In the same breath, if I were to get transported back to my childhood, it would be just as much an agony as it was the first time around. But you can't help but pine for things sometimes, can you? This book, as I sort of knew it would be, acted like a salve.
Right out the gate, I'll say this: I do think you ought to listen to some of Dorian's narration of this book to get comfortable in the voice before you crack the book open. On page, the style itself really is reminiscent of a distant era. It's this meandering, dramatic, nearing-on-purple rendition of the darkest corners of teenagehood, and I'm not entirely sure I would've enjoyed or appreciated it as much as I did if I hadn't felt the energy in the narration.
Even the framing of it, being dragged by some spectral older sibling through the best of times, the worst of times, and everything in between, lends to it faring a little better audibly than it does visually. Is it odd to say the book is tactile?
The story isn't wholly linear, and your goth-guide loses train of thought and catches on tangents and lurches closer to the present only to reel back again. But I didn't personally find it to be too obtrusive, though admittedly these moments might have fared better if the framing had been more clearly established and the reader was given more, if not subtle, reminders that they were an observer.
It's so odd to try and review this book, honestly. There's so much here that I'd criticise the life out of ordinarily - but even with its 'messy' components, Millennium Gothic is just weirdly charming. The prose could've done with some streamlining (take a shot everytime 'neon' was used), the non-linear journey made it feel a bit stunted in pacing, and the tone of some experiences risks coming of as a bit patronising, and still a bit glorifying even with the occasional warning of "times were different then" or "you don't have to be a disaster to have life experiences."
But it still just felt so warm and unabashed, and the majority of my criticisms I say with an unfair amount of love peppered on top. It reminded me of swapping drafts with friends in my teens, hell-bent on portraying the darkest subjects in the frilliest ways, finding our footing with creative writing and never quite nailing it at a technical level but just really loving the process of it all anyway, and those stories kept their beating hearts for years and years after, however imperfect they may've been.
This is one of those very bizarre books that isn't, on paper, my thing at all anymore, but I really did just love this one.
July 22, 2024
This is by Of Herbs & Altars, the YouTube alt storyteller, who turned her 90s-00s goth club kidding into this series. At almost 400 pgs, I expect the prose to get annoying as Dorian often can in moralizing while selfishly never taking responsibility, but I’ll set that aside for the cyberpunk-bright-to-black-feather-beautiful world she can paint. (I was right but it's pretty passable)
I am a sucker for 2nd person POV and they have a nostalgically happy, hypnotic tone, opening with hoping their/your wildest night was recent so you can bask in its glow worm fuzzy aura. Less so, the teenage stick-it-to-the-invisible-man melodrama but that’s the age she languishes in—but now with flowing, neon purple prose.
It makes sense the MC was so maligned in school when it’s revealed she was a horse girl. Is the MLP fan to goth fairy pipeline a prevalent thing? I'm kidding, but we never hear one iota of anything actually bad said to her, it seems it's mostly her preemptively fearing people will make fun of her clothes. In fact, the only example she has of someone being mean to her is when her brother rightly calls her "spoiled even though she's full grown" and she insanely takes this as a fat comment to this day even though she's always been anorexic? I get how she could in the moment, stuck in her ED, but she held this non-sense grudge for YEARS and seems to still. I already have a love/hate relationship w/ the author and this def pushed the needle more towards dislike and distrust of her.
I wish we got into the home life because divorce with zero details comes off so benign and spoiled to cut yourself over when you live in London, own horses, constantly club and own expensive outfits, get your dream BFs and their nice cars, do every beautiful drug you want all the time, chit-chat on a laptop and eat junk food just to have the calories not count from throwing up. Sounds like the life to me. The writing is so emotional yet troublingly vague on impetus. Everything’s a “prison”—but how, what can’t she do? She’s bullied—by who, when, why? Her parents “don’t understand”—about what and can anybody ever have dialogue?
This doesn’t come across that personal if we don’t know; it seems framed only to relate to the general YouTube followers. Kinda cash-concerned in that. I get not wanting to be sued or shunned by family but that doesn’t track with all the misery/gore porn. Her "detractors" would already be fan-hated or embarrassed. The author can still broadly and briefly say there was assault or grief or belittlement, but she doesn’t. The opposite, she clarifies most of the time.
I’m so sick of the lame case people make if you don’t like one terrible woman, you’re misogynist even if you are also a woman. It's crazier when her example is Courtney Love and at the end of the book she talks about how immoral it was she showed her BF to shoot up heroin--just like Courtney did w/ Kurt?? I don't blame a person who was gonna do it anyway, but if the author finds fault in themselves with doing it, why not a celebrity? It’s also tiring reading about the same crushed velvet/rave pants/New Rocks outfit a hundred times and being a fifth through the book before we even hear the MMC talk. Sadly, these passages are almost verbatim what was on YouTube.
The seminal date with Ash is very cute and vivid even if it is just mall crawling and McDonalds. The age difference of four years is super overblown, especially it being England so legal and them both equally mature in all ways (just as floundering, looking for a friend to go on walks and talk music). I mean, they met in a bar, of course they didn’t even realize they weren’t at the same school.
Ironically, the author is someone who always goes with the trends. If she thinks goths should have lots of casual sex, she will do that even if she doesn’t want to. Same with specific fashion fabrics, music genres, addictions, etc. and honestly she still seems that way today whenever she latches onto a new identity or disorder or trending topic that’s hot on the internet she finds out a few months later don’t really suit her.
Odd, how we go from her and Ash being in love with each other in a matter of week to skipping to seven years as FWB. Then him moving in a raging German girl in a couple of weeks for her to up-end their friendship. Before we know it, we jump around an array of boyfriends all with pretty unclear reasons for breaking up. Bordom? Maybe she can't love. She says she hardly ever finds people attractive but this whole book is about the dozen people she does, so it seems she's pretty experienced there. They all seem to stay in the same friend group but the timeline gets murky. It makes me wonder what her life is like now. I assume she's been alone, dealing with her eating and addiction disorders that haven't gone away or gotten totally better. IDK how a second book would be filled out though. I feel like I've heard 80% of the YouTube stories already transcribed in here.
I am a sucker for 2nd person POV and they have a nostalgically happy, hypnotic tone, opening with hoping their/your wildest night was recent so you can bask in its glow worm fuzzy aura. Less so, the teenage stick-it-to-the-invisible-man melodrama but that’s the age she languishes in—but now with flowing, neon purple prose.
It makes sense the MC was so maligned in school when it’s revealed she was a horse girl. Is the MLP fan to goth fairy pipeline a prevalent thing? I'm kidding, but we never hear one iota of anything actually bad said to her, it seems it's mostly her preemptively fearing people will make fun of her clothes. In fact, the only example she has of someone being mean to her is when her brother rightly calls her "spoiled even though she's full grown" and she insanely takes this as a fat comment to this day even though she's always been anorexic? I get how she could in the moment, stuck in her ED, but she held this non-sense grudge for YEARS and seems to still. I already have a love/hate relationship w/ the author and this def pushed the needle more towards dislike and distrust of her.
I wish we got into the home life because divorce with zero details comes off so benign and spoiled to cut yourself over when you live in London, own horses, constantly club and own expensive outfits, get your dream BFs and their nice cars, do every beautiful drug you want all the time, chit-chat on a laptop and eat junk food just to have the calories not count from throwing up. Sounds like the life to me. The writing is so emotional yet troublingly vague on impetus. Everything’s a “prison”—but how, what can’t she do? She’s bullied—by who, when, why? Her parents “don’t understand”—about what and can anybody ever have dialogue?
This doesn’t come across that personal if we don’t know; it seems framed only to relate to the general YouTube followers. Kinda cash-concerned in that. I get not wanting to be sued or shunned by family but that doesn’t track with all the misery/gore porn. Her "detractors" would already be fan-hated or embarrassed. The author can still broadly and briefly say there was assault or grief or belittlement, but she doesn’t. The opposite, she clarifies most of the time.
I’m so sick of the lame case people make if you don’t like one terrible woman, you’re misogynist even if you are also a woman. It's crazier when her example is Courtney Love and at the end of the book she talks about how immoral it was she showed her BF to shoot up heroin--just like Courtney did w/ Kurt?? I don't blame a person who was gonna do it anyway, but if the author finds fault in themselves with doing it, why not a celebrity? It’s also tiring reading about the same crushed velvet/rave pants/New Rocks outfit a hundred times and being a fifth through the book before we even hear the MMC talk. Sadly, these passages are almost verbatim what was on YouTube.
The seminal date with Ash is very cute and vivid even if it is just mall crawling and McDonalds. The age difference of four years is super overblown, especially it being England so legal and them both equally mature in all ways (just as floundering, looking for a friend to go on walks and talk music). I mean, they met in a bar, of course they didn’t even realize they weren’t at the same school.
Ironically, the author is someone who always goes with the trends. If she thinks goths should have lots of casual sex, she will do that even if she doesn’t want to. Same with specific fashion fabrics, music genres, addictions, etc. and honestly she still seems that way today whenever she latches onto a new identity or disorder or trending topic that’s hot on the internet she finds out a few months later don’t really suit her.
Odd, how we go from her and Ash being in love with each other in a matter of week to skipping to seven years as FWB. Then him moving in a raging German girl in a couple of weeks for her to up-end their friendship. Before we know it, we jump around an array of boyfriends all with pretty unclear reasons for breaking up. Bordom? Maybe she can't love. She says she hardly ever finds people attractive but this whole book is about the dozen people she does, so it seems she's pretty experienced there. They all seem to stay in the same friend group but the timeline gets murky. It makes me wonder what her life is like now. I assume she's been alone, dealing with her eating and addiction disorders that haven't gone away or gotten totally better. IDK how a second book would be filled out though. I feel like I've heard 80% of the YouTube stories already transcribed in here.
Read
September 10, 2023Dorian is such a talented writer, so it was hard to put this book down. However, there were multiple aspects that i found irritating throughout the book. Other reviewers have already listed some of those, but I would like to add my 2 cents.
1. I wish the book was written as a straightforward memoir rather than as a condescending monologue directed at "the little foetus". I am Dorian's age, I have never been into the goth culture, but I enjoy Dorian's perspective and personality, I relate to some of her mental health struggles, and I admire her creativity. I definitely am not a "little foetus" by any stretch of the imagination. Choosing to frame the book from this angle limits its appeal to a wider audience. I noticed a similar trend happening in her YouTube videos, she's definitely set herself up on a soapbox as some kind of expert, and I find that off-putting. I enjoyed her earlier videos much more when she was more humble.
2. The narrative had a lot of time jumps that felt unnecessary. For example, talking about Ash's subsequent relationships with controlling women at a point in the narrative when she was only just describing the early stages of their relationship. That bit belonged at the end of the book, not in the beginning.
3. A lot of very harsh and negative talk about her hometown. Constantly referring to it by derogatory names ("pisstown", etc.). I felt like it was over the top, especially considering that I believe she still lives there today.
4. References to autism. Dorian frequently describes herself as autistic throughout the book, and apparently she was given an autism diagnosis later in life, but she often cites it as some kind of an excuse for a certain behaviour or perspective and I'm just not buying it. Definitely not from an angle she presents. In my view the book is about a troubled teen from a dysfunctional family, screwed over by parental divorce, school bullying, and lack of emotional support. This is not about autism, which in my opinion is a loaded, painful, and problematic topic to insert into a narrative like this.
I believe Dorian self-edits all her writing, and I'd like to say that she does an outstanding job, but as someone mentioned in another review - a good outside editor would probably be a good thing to smooth out some of those imperfections.
To end on a positive note, I'll say that despite everything listed above I enjoyed the book very much and I look forward to reading more of Dorian's books when they materialize.
1. I wish the book was written as a straightforward memoir rather than as a condescending monologue directed at "the little foetus". I am Dorian's age, I have never been into the goth culture, but I enjoy Dorian's perspective and personality, I relate to some of her mental health struggles, and I admire her creativity. I definitely am not a "little foetus" by any stretch of the imagination. Choosing to frame the book from this angle limits its appeal to a wider audience. I noticed a similar trend happening in her YouTube videos, she's definitely set herself up on a soapbox as some kind of expert, and I find that off-putting. I enjoyed her earlier videos much more when she was more humble.
2. The narrative had a lot of time jumps that felt unnecessary. For example, talking about Ash's subsequent relationships with controlling women at a point in the narrative when she was only just describing the early stages of their relationship. That bit belonged at the end of the book, not in the beginning.
3. A lot of very harsh and negative talk about her hometown. Constantly referring to it by derogatory names ("pisstown", etc.). I felt like it was over the top, especially considering that I believe she still lives there today.
4. References to autism. Dorian frequently describes herself as autistic throughout the book, and apparently she was given an autism diagnosis later in life, but she often cites it as some kind of an excuse for a certain behaviour or perspective and I'm just not buying it. Definitely not from an angle she presents. In my view the book is about a troubled teen from a dysfunctional family, screwed over by parental divorce, school bullying, and lack of emotional support. This is not about autism, which in my opinion is a loaded, painful, and problematic topic to insert into a narrative like this.
I believe Dorian self-edits all her writing, and I'd like to say that she does an outstanding job, but as someone mentioned in another review - a good outside editor would probably be a good thing to smooth out some of those imperfections.
To end on a positive note, I'll say that despite everything listed above I enjoyed the book very much and I look forward to reading more of Dorian's books when they materialize.
December 23, 2022
I do like Dorian's videos and I've watched and enjoyed the series, so I was quite excited to read this book. However, with all due respect to Dorian, I cannot manage to get through this book. Even if the stories themselves are interesting and quite nostalgic for myself.
Them talking to the reader through the book is something I can overlook, even if I don't personally like it. But the overall writing style is just bad. I've seen many reviews saying they do like it and find it unique, but to me it just sounds cheap and unprofessional. Like something you would expect from a 14-year-old on wattpad. The constant overuse of ellipses and swearing also kills the whole vibe for me. Concerning the swearing you cold probably say that's simply their writing style and it's supposed to be bold and personal, and while that would be totally fine, I feel like it is simply too excessive to be enjoyable.
I will definitely continue watching the series on youtube and I genuinely hope Dorian will be successful with everything they aspire to do, but I can't manage to get through this book and I really can't recommend it either.
Them talking to the reader through the book is something I can overlook, even if I don't personally like it. But the overall writing style is just bad. I've seen many reviews saying they do like it and find it unique, but to me it just sounds cheap and unprofessional. Like something you would expect from a 14-year-old on wattpad. The constant overuse of ellipses and swearing also kills the whole vibe for me. Concerning the swearing you cold probably say that's simply their writing style and it's supposed to be bold and personal, and while that would be totally fine, I feel like it is simply too excessive to be enjoyable.
I will definitely continue watching the series on youtube and I genuinely hope Dorian will be successful with everything they aspire to do, but I can't manage to get through this book and I really can't recommend it either.
November 28, 2022
i love this book so much 🥹
i really enjoy the writing style of Dorian and if i didn’t know the story from watching the nostalgia project on youtube already, i would’ve finished this book in a heartbeat. but instead i tried to enjoy every single word in this and not rush it :)
definitely a 10/10
i really enjoy the writing style of Dorian and if i didn’t know the story from watching the nostalgia project on youtube already, i would’ve finished this book in a heartbeat. but instead i tried to enjoy every single word in this and not rush it :)
definitely a 10/10
August 13, 2023
This felt like reading the unfiltered, darkest thoughts of a close friend, and I liked it a lot. The chronology is hard to follow, it's kind of all over the place, but I guess that's how it's meant to be, somber stories scattered in a mess of thoughts. I enjoyed it a lot.
February 9, 2024
I devoured this book! I followed the series on YouTube too and can not for volume 2!
January 24, 2025
Huge Trigger Warning for drugs, self-harm, mentioning of school shootings, eating disorders and more.
But i‘ve enjoyed this book so much. Maybe because i‘m a fan of dorian or because i have a hyperfixation on social constructs but yeah.
five stars for me and my reading taste 😼
But i‘ve enjoyed this book so much. Maybe because i‘m a fan of dorian or because i have a hyperfixation on social constructs but yeah.
five stars for me and my reading taste 😼
November 17, 2022
it was pretty hard to get through. there were some moments that were interesting, but there are SO many run-on sentences. Some sentences are even a paragraph or two long. Also, Dorian makes it seem like they have some BIG secret and there are a lot of buildups... all for nothing. There were a lot of moments that were cringe and just kind of random where the author would talk to the reader. Also, it seems like the author wanted us to cry at the end, but I was just SO tired of the writing that I was happy to get the book over with. I wouldn't say it was the worst book I have ever read because it certainly had its good parts, but I think I wasted my time reading it.
The good parts: Dorian is the only author that I have been able to relate to. We both have very unique experiences and I haven't read any other books that actually understand mental illness.
The Bad parts: the writing style. there were parts of the book that could've and should've been cut out. There were paragraphs of rambling that added nothing to the plot whatsoever.
The good parts: Dorian is the only author that I have been able to relate to. We both have very unique experiences and I haven't read any other books that actually understand mental illness.
The Bad parts: the writing style. there were parts of the book that could've and should've been cut out. There were paragraphs of rambling that added nothing to the plot whatsoever.
July 7, 2025
This was INCREDIBLE. I will probably write a proper review once my brain is ready to put into words how much I loved this
June 1, 2024
i love dorian’s way of structuring and retelling their personal stories. inspires you to look back on your own life while reading and very easy to relate to the author, makes people feel less alone and has interesting dynamics with who the author interacts with in this book.
April 10, 2025
apparently not available to log as physical book but I do own it and read it physically.
I think this book found me at the right time and is able to speak to my personal experiences. For me it’s a perfect representation of those experiences and people who haven’t had them are missing a layer or are about to throw themselves into deep waters.
I think this book found me at the right time and is able to speak to my personal experiences. For me it’s a perfect representation of those experiences and people who haven’t had them are missing a layer or are about to throw themselves into deep waters.
April 11, 2023
I've followed Dorian for years now, I think, both on YouTube and Instagram, and I'll admit, I've kind of fallen away from watching their videos over the last few years. Partly due to my complete lack of an attention span when it comes to watching anything, even if it's interesting to me. I'd been meaning to watch their videos on the Nostalgia Project for a while, but just never got around to it for how long they were, and I think the better versions are on Patreon? Which I don't have. So when I saw that Dorian was releasing this book, collecting all those topics into one book (so far) with a GORGEOUS purple cover on top of it all, I knew that I had to have it. So I bought the book as soon as it came out. And then it sat on my floor, where a bunch of other books I wanted to read soon, were sitting, with this one on top. And then all of those books collected dust for a time, so I stuck them in my closet with all my other unread books and told myself I'd get to it as soon as my reading slump was over. And that took a while. But then, finally, I don't know what exactly compelled me, but I was going through my stacks of unread books and this was sitting relatively on top, and I decided, alright, let's read this. And Dorian had me captivated from the first page.
I was just a child during the early 2000s, so those years hold a certain nostalgia for me that slightly differs from the same kind of nostalgia that Dorian is talking about in these books. But the way they talked about the early 2000s goth scene had me entranced. I do wish I could have experienced that for myself, as the goth scene where I live is practically non-existent, and goth nights anywhere here are very difficult to come by. But hey, I could live vicariously through Dorian for a little bit, and it was fascinating. Especially since those years are often doused in a rather hefty dose of glamorization. This felt a bit more real, and I could appreciate Dorian's brutal honesty. They don't shy away from the good, the bad, and the ugly.
I will admit that at times the timeline felt a little jumbled, sometimes there seemed to be a lot of build-up towards something that ultimately didn't appear to be nearly as big as I'd made it out to be in my head (I guess that's why we shouldn't play guessing games), and the fourth wall breaks weren't my favorite. I didn't like being addressed as baby bat or little fetus much, largely because I am neither, but hey, I see what they were going for and it's meant to immerse the reader, which, from a writer's perspective myself, I can appreciate. And truly, Dorian's life is fascinating. It's raw. And while I'm sure a lot of people might be interested for the early 2000s and late 90s goth nostalgia alone, I appreciated the insight into their mental health and substance abuse. That's about as real as it gets, and we need more people to be open about this stuff. As Dorian makes a point to mention throughout the novel several times, we live in a day and age where we can access this kind of connectivity on a daily basis. Back then, in the 90s and early 2000s, these topics were pretty much taboo. It's crazy how much has changed since then, between the tolerance the alternative/goth scene has gained and the way mental health issues have slowly started improving (even though there is so much farther to go with it all). So it's cool to see someone being so open about this stuff, especially when for the longest time, there weren't as many ways to do so, especially when it might have been the most beneficial.
Dorian definitely has a way with words, and given I'd been in a reading slump for quite some time, I'm pretty impressed by how riveted I was by this book. I got through it quickly. Much quicker than I expected. Which was cool. Not that it matters. But I think that just goes to show how interesting Dorian managed to make it. I don't know if that's a good thing, when I think about it; reading about other people's suffering, even former suffering, can be intense. But I've always been interested in other people's minds, and my own. So I guess from one neurodivergent to another, this book was excellent to read and relate to, even with our vastly differing experiences. Now I'm eagerly awaiting volume 2 of the nostalgia project. And any other books Dorian hinted at wanting to write within this one.
My only major complaint is purely cosmetic, albeit slightly functional: I have the physical copy, and I would have liked to see some page numbers. But hey, that didn't mar my enjoyment. Just something I noticed.
I was just a child during the early 2000s, so those years hold a certain nostalgia for me that slightly differs from the same kind of nostalgia that Dorian is talking about in these books. But the way they talked about the early 2000s goth scene had me entranced. I do wish I could have experienced that for myself, as the goth scene where I live is practically non-existent, and goth nights anywhere here are very difficult to come by. But hey, I could live vicariously through Dorian for a little bit, and it was fascinating. Especially since those years are often doused in a rather hefty dose of glamorization. This felt a bit more real, and I could appreciate Dorian's brutal honesty. They don't shy away from the good, the bad, and the ugly.
I will admit that at times the timeline felt a little jumbled, sometimes there seemed to be a lot of build-up towards something that ultimately didn't appear to be nearly as big as I'd made it out to be in my head (I guess that's why we shouldn't play guessing games), and the fourth wall breaks weren't my favorite. I didn't like being addressed as baby bat or little fetus much, largely because I am neither, but hey, I see what they were going for and it's meant to immerse the reader, which, from a writer's perspective myself, I can appreciate. And truly, Dorian's life is fascinating. It's raw. And while I'm sure a lot of people might be interested for the early 2000s and late 90s goth nostalgia alone, I appreciated the insight into their mental health and substance abuse. That's about as real as it gets, and we need more people to be open about this stuff. As Dorian makes a point to mention throughout the novel several times, we live in a day and age where we can access this kind of connectivity on a daily basis. Back then, in the 90s and early 2000s, these topics were pretty much taboo. It's crazy how much has changed since then, between the tolerance the alternative/goth scene has gained and the way mental health issues have slowly started improving (even though there is so much farther to go with it all). So it's cool to see someone being so open about this stuff, especially when for the longest time, there weren't as many ways to do so, especially when it might have been the most beneficial.
Dorian definitely has a way with words, and given I'd been in a reading slump for quite some time, I'm pretty impressed by how riveted I was by this book. I got through it quickly. Much quicker than I expected. Which was cool. Not that it matters. But I think that just goes to show how interesting Dorian managed to make it. I don't know if that's a good thing, when I think about it; reading about other people's suffering, even former suffering, can be intense. But I've always been interested in other people's minds, and my own. So I guess from one neurodivergent to another, this book was excellent to read and relate to, even with our vastly differing experiences. Now I'm eagerly awaiting volume 2 of the nostalgia project. And any other books Dorian hinted at wanting to write within this one.
My only major complaint is purely cosmetic, albeit slightly functional: I have the physical copy, and I would have liked to see some page numbers. But hey, that didn't mar my enjoyment. Just something I noticed.
May 17, 2025
its like you're taken by the wrist, and pulled right into the book yourself—or at least you want to be. its magic, its a startling familiarity sometimes, its cherry gum i take with me to my own glittering wild nights, in place of airwaves black.
dorian's writing is perfect here. you don't need much poetry, and forget the fourth wall. you are sitting next to them in the club bathroom, doling out more pills, the bass is rattling your heart even through the walls, just as hard as the amphetamines— or, maybe you've tagged along to the goth club, those first nights out? and the world's darkness is suddenly spinning into Darkness, where the room is dim and thick with smoke, and nobody here is going to judge you.
listen to the music, as well, every album and song mentioned, even if you only give them a try. it's very likely you'll find forever-favourites.
be careful of the book's content warnings, like, seriously, do — but if that's not an issue, everyone interested should pick it up. i got it around 2 years ago, now, and it's still the book i'm always pulling off my shelf to reference some part of it. 🖤
dorian's writing is perfect here. you don't need much poetry, and forget the fourth wall. you are sitting next to them in the club bathroom, doling out more pills, the bass is rattling your heart even through the walls, just as hard as the amphetamines— or, maybe you've tagged along to the goth club, those first nights out? and the world's darkness is suddenly spinning into Darkness, where the room is dim and thick with smoke, and nobody here is going to judge you.
listen to the music, as well, every album and song mentioned, even if you only give them a try. it's very likely you'll find forever-favourites.
be careful of the book's content warnings, like, seriously, do — but if that's not an issue, everyone interested should pick it up. i got it around 2 years ago, now, and it's still the book i'm always pulling off my shelf to reference some part of it. 🖤
January 4, 2023
As far as pure readibility - B+
As a person who has followed Dorian on their YouTube channel, Of Herbs and Alters, I was interested in reading their first volume of the Nostalgia Project.
It was always hard to put down, very easy to read. I wasn't a huge fan of the pseudo-patronizing voice, calling the reader "foetus", but I assume Dorian's viewership must be a younger age bracket than us (we are exactly of an age).
If you're interested in the '00s alt scene in the UK with lots of drugs, partying, and disordered relationships... Then here's your book.
Read for the 2022 Read Harder Challenge: Read a memoir written by someone who is trans or nonbinary
As a person who has followed Dorian on their YouTube channel, Of Herbs and Alters, I was interested in reading their first volume of the Nostalgia Project.
It was always hard to put down, very easy to read. I wasn't a huge fan of the pseudo-patronizing voice, calling the reader "foetus", but I assume Dorian's viewership must be a younger age bracket than us (we are exactly of an age).
If you're interested in the '00s alt scene in the UK with lots of drugs, partying, and disordered relationships... Then here's your book.
Read for the 2022 Read Harder Challenge: Read a memoir written by someone who is trans or nonbinary
January 7, 2023
I loved listening to the YouTube series, so I bought the book. I love the way Dorian makes it feel like the reader is right there, 20 years in the past. Would love to read the other YouTube stories in the next book!!
June 25, 2023
I love Dorian's writing, it's so personal and raw. You go through a lot , A LOT and see how her character has been shaped through life. It's scary and beautiful, I don't relate to everything as it's so personal but I do get a sense of nostalgia!
August 27, 2023
Pretty good, I like seeing her perspective, but it did read like a transcribed YouTube video, and it was more enjoyable when I pictured Dorian speaking to me as opposed to the scenes she was describing.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
April 23, 2024
3.5 stars
I love the stories, but after listening to the videos I feel like this would work better as an audiobook as physically reading it got tiring for me and I felt myself wishing I was already done with the book.
I love the stories, but after listening to the videos I feel like this would work better as an audiobook as physically reading it got tiring for me and I felt myself wishing I was already done with the book.
January 21, 2023
It definitely is time for the current goth kids to get out of the holographic boxes we seem to live in, to go and find out people, and I must, I don't know how, but somehow I will.
December 21, 2022
i love dorian‘s youtube channel i had to support their book. it was so well written i found it so fascinating. highly recommend.
January 25, 2025
Always repeating herself, the Youtube Videos are far more entertaining. Didn’t finish.
October 7, 2025
This book, without a word of exaggeration, is the most gripping, engaging and incredibly world-building book I can ever remember reading.
‘Millenium Gothic’ is part one of Dorian’s Nostalgia Project- where they share their experiences and stories of growing up as a goth kid in the 90s-2000s. I had been watching Dorian tell the stories from this book on their YouTube channel and as soon as I discovered these stories were coming from a book they had written- I immediately stopped listening to the Nostalgia Project storytimes and ordered this book and I am SO glad that I did. Reading this book for yourself allows you to truly be placed into the perspective of Dorian, placing you in their head in such an intricate way. Their writing style is so personal and individualised that you grow to feel as if you’re talking to a friend when you’re reading.
Some very heavy trigger warnings in this book not to be taken lightly:
-self harm
-suicide/ suicidality
-heavy drug/alcohol use
-violence
-inappropriate age gap relationships including with minors, unhealthy relationship dynamics and power imbalances
I may have forgotten something so do not take this as an extensive list, but please take care of yourself. This writing is incredibly descriptive and while that makes for amazing writing, it also means that these triggering topics can be extremely confronting so PLEASE do not read if you are in a headspace where these topics may trigger you.
Dorian shares these stories from his life in an incredibly raw and honest way- these stories don’t paint him as perfect, instead they are REAL. This haze of nostalgia coated over every memory is so clear and present, showing the way not only you are meant to read the book but also showing you Dorian’s headspace, how they view their own past.
There are a few things I disagreed with, but as you can see by my rating, not enough to harm my experience with the book. Dorians hindsight-perspective on the age gap relationships present involving and around them doesn’t reflect my views on the topic and makes me a little uncomfortable, but I can also hold the nuance that they do not see themself as victimised and therefore it’s not okay to force that label on them. That being said, some of the men around Dorian, in my opinion, were seriously gross and deserved to be called out more harshly. That being said, we’re seeing these people THROUGH Dorian’s headspace and perspective.
There are moments in this book that were painfully close to my own experiences with mental health that were extremely tough to read, there were also moments in this book that highlighted experiences I have never had anything close to. These experiences equally impacted and drew emotion from me in the way they were conveyed. That says something about bloody awesome writing.
After reading this, I feel as if I’m now saying goodbye to a friend I’ve just gone on a journey with, except that Dorian is an entirely real person and that comes across as very parasocial- however what I mean is that this writing really makes you feel as if you are THERE with them. So with that being said, I cannot wait for a part two of the nostalgia project to come out 🤞🤞 and I’ll definitely be ordering Dorian’s other two available books
‘Millenium Gothic’ is part one of Dorian’s Nostalgia Project- where they share their experiences and stories of growing up as a goth kid in the 90s-2000s. I had been watching Dorian tell the stories from this book on their YouTube channel and as soon as I discovered these stories were coming from a book they had written- I immediately stopped listening to the Nostalgia Project storytimes and ordered this book and I am SO glad that I did. Reading this book for yourself allows you to truly be placed into the perspective of Dorian, placing you in their head in such an intricate way. Their writing style is so personal and individualised that you grow to feel as if you’re talking to a friend when you’re reading.
Some very heavy trigger warnings in this book not to be taken lightly:
-self harm
-suicide/ suicidality
-heavy drug/alcohol use
-violence
-inappropriate age gap relationships including with minors, unhealthy relationship dynamics and power imbalances
I may have forgotten something so do not take this as an extensive list, but please take care of yourself. This writing is incredibly descriptive and while that makes for amazing writing, it also means that these triggering topics can be extremely confronting so PLEASE do not read if you are in a headspace where these topics may trigger you.
Dorian shares these stories from his life in an incredibly raw and honest way- these stories don’t paint him as perfect, instead they are REAL. This haze of nostalgia coated over every memory is so clear and present, showing the way not only you are meant to read the book but also showing you Dorian’s headspace, how they view their own past.
There are a few things I disagreed with, but as you can see by my rating, not enough to harm my experience with the book. Dorians hindsight-perspective on the age gap relationships present involving and around them doesn’t reflect my views on the topic and makes me a little uncomfortable, but I can also hold the nuance that they do not see themself as victimised and therefore it’s not okay to force that label on them. That being said, some of the men around Dorian, in my opinion, were seriously gross and deserved to be called out more harshly. That being said, we’re seeing these people THROUGH Dorian’s headspace and perspective.
There are moments in this book that were painfully close to my own experiences with mental health that were extremely tough to read, there were also moments in this book that highlighted experiences I have never had anything close to. These experiences equally impacted and drew emotion from me in the way they were conveyed. That says something about bloody awesome writing.
After reading this, I feel as if I’m now saying goodbye to a friend I’ve just gone on a journey with, except that Dorian is an entirely real person and that comes across as very parasocial- however what I mean is that this writing really makes you feel as if you are THERE with them. So with that being said, I cannot wait for a part two of the nostalgia project to come out 🤞🤞 and I’ll definitely be ordering Dorian’s other two available books
January 24, 2024
I really did like this book and the writing style, although the swearing got a bit much after a while lol. The stories were all captivating and interesting and his writing style almost made me like Ash. Almost.
Ash is the sole reason I haven’t given this book five stars. I can see that Dorian still very much loves him (whether that’s romantic or platonic, I don’t assume to know everything about the author) and so everything is written through rose tinted glasses. The reality however is that this 20 year old man was dating a 16 year old, and when they broke up, went on to date another 16 year old (and was over 20 by this point!) While I am aware that the legal age in the UK is 16 so it was technically okay, it raises moral questions. Why was he dating the youngest people he could get away with? I am sorry, but the glorification of this man is not cool. Especially when you go on Dorian’s YouTube channel and see their (largely young) audience in the comments talking about how they’ve fallen in love with Ash and want a relationship like that. I am 22 and wouldn’t look twice at a 16 year old— they are kids!
There were some other fun stories that weren’t so Ash-centric though, and Dorian beautifully describes his experiences on ecstasy and other illicit substances, while also highlighting the dark side of these things.
All in all, I really think his writing style would thrive in a fictional story and look forward to seeing what he publishes next. If/when he releases a full length fiction novel I will 100% buy— he is just too good at describing things, really makes you feel like you’re actually there (for better or for worse, as they are particularly good at more gruesome descriptions). As I said earlier he is so good at making morally reprehensible people/characters likeable— it’s like he puts a spell on you with his words, and I think that would be so interesting in a fictional setting. Dorian, on the small chance you are reading this you better write the sh*t outta that vampire novel even though my bank account will hate you for it. That is all.
Ash is the sole reason I haven’t given this book five stars. I can see that Dorian still very much loves him (whether that’s romantic or platonic, I don’t assume to know everything about the author) and so everything is written through rose tinted glasses. The reality however is that this 20 year old man was dating a 16 year old, and when they broke up, went on to date another 16 year old (and was over 20 by this point!) While I am aware that the legal age in the UK is 16 so it was technically okay, it raises moral questions. Why was he dating the youngest people he could get away with? I am sorry, but the glorification of this man is not cool. Especially when you go on Dorian’s YouTube channel and see their (largely young) audience in the comments talking about how they’ve fallen in love with Ash and want a relationship like that. I am 22 and wouldn’t look twice at a 16 year old— they are kids!
There were some other fun stories that weren’t so Ash-centric though, and Dorian beautifully describes his experiences on ecstasy and other illicit substances, while also highlighting the dark side of these things.
All in all, I really think his writing style would thrive in a fictional story and look forward to seeing what he publishes next. If/when he releases a full length fiction novel I will 100% buy— he is just too good at describing things, really makes you feel like you’re actually there (for better or for worse, as they are particularly good at more gruesome descriptions). As I said earlier he is so good at making morally reprehensible people/characters likeable— it’s like he puts a spell on you with his words, and I think that would be so interesting in a fictional setting. Dorian, on the small chance you are reading this you better write the sh*t outta that vampire novel even though my bank account will hate you for it. That is all.
January 15, 2024
Wow wow wow wow!!!!
What a beautiful writer! Dorian Bridges brings a true picture of y2k in all its darkness and technicolor wonder! I love to read stories from people who grew up in a similar era to me. (DB is one year younger). She has consumed similar content to me and we were triggered by similar things. (Sugar magazine) How I equally wish I could go back and just focus on my love of history, classics and literature, and leave those shiny pink and yellow magazines and self image destroying content aside. But I also wish I could experience the color and magic of the pre-digital publishing days, free nail varnishes and the magic of the high street with promise of new clothes and edgy designs. I did also venture onto a pro ana forum back in the day at a point of extreme loss and desperation and found solace and reassurance. I relate to DB a lot. However, we were different in the sense I was never a goth, I drank as a teen, gave up in my late teens early 20s because of anorexia and fear of calories, but would never have dared to experiment with drugs at this age. But the scene was something going on around me and always something I felt I was just on the periphery of being part of, maybe I was a little bit like Nic, Gray's girlfriend who was just a bit too young. I did have a boyfriend at 18 who was into all that and never fully included me. I can't wait to read the next installment.
As a grown up, I am no longer especially triggered by this sort of content, however, it did leave me with some sense of longing, for getting high on MD, getting skinny, longing for clotted cream dipped chocolates, but an even greater fear of loss and consequence. I am so proud of Dorian for writing this. Can't wait to read their next book. It makes me feel I have come a long way to healthy adulthood.
What a beautiful writer! Dorian Bridges brings a true picture of y2k in all its darkness and technicolor wonder! I love to read stories from people who grew up in a similar era to me. (DB is one year younger). She has consumed similar content to me and we were triggered by similar things. (Sugar magazine) How I equally wish I could go back and just focus on my love of history, classics and literature, and leave those shiny pink and yellow magazines and self image destroying content aside. But I also wish I could experience the color and magic of the pre-digital publishing days, free nail varnishes and the magic of the high street with promise of new clothes and edgy designs. I did also venture onto a pro ana forum back in the day at a point of extreme loss and desperation and found solace and reassurance. I relate to DB a lot. However, we were different in the sense I was never a goth, I drank as a teen, gave up in my late teens early 20s because of anorexia and fear of calories, but would never have dared to experiment with drugs at this age. But the scene was something going on around me and always something I felt I was just on the periphery of being part of, maybe I was a little bit like Nic, Gray's girlfriend who was just a bit too young. I did have a boyfriend at 18 who was into all that and never fully included me. I can't wait to read the next installment.
As a grown up, I am no longer especially triggered by this sort of content, however, it did leave me with some sense of longing, for getting high on MD, getting skinny, longing for clotted cream dipped chocolates, but an even greater fear of loss and consequence. I am so proud of Dorian for writing this. Can't wait to read their next book. It makes me feel I have come a long way to healthy adulthood.
May 6, 2024
This is my first review and it's definitely not the best but it's something.
Don't get me wrong I enjoyed Dorian's nostalgia project videos, but getting through this book was difficult to say the least. I've restarted it twice before and finally finished it on my third read. The writing style is cringing at times and due to not being in the age demographic for this book, having the author break the fourth wall to give advice meant for a naïve young teenager caused a few eye rolls here and there. The swearing was excessive and at times felt out of place.
Now, the thing that knocked this down to a two star read for me is the constant defense of Ash. He is never in the wrong and is always a victim. Even though he nearly became a school shooter and after his relationship with Dorian continues to date young mentally ill girls. Ash was 23 while Dorian was 16 when they began dating. The age gap is only brought up a few times. It's never actually discussed in a way to say a 23 year old dating a 16 year old is WRONG. If anything it's very romanticized and while reading I kept forgetting about the age gap. We only see Ash through Dorian's eyes and it's obvious he's still in love with him. This is problematic especially when you take into consideration the targeted demographic for this book. This book reads as a teenager writing about their first love and all their regrets when it should read as an adult looking back on their life. That way Ash and the relationship could have been more critically written about. The more I learned about Ash the more frustrated I got with the author.
Don't get me wrong I enjoyed Dorian's nostalgia project videos, but getting through this book was difficult to say the least. I've restarted it twice before and finally finished it on my third read. The writing style is cringing at times and due to not being in the age demographic for this book, having the author break the fourth wall to give advice meant for a naïve young teenager caused a few eye rolls here and there. The swearing was excessive and at times felt out of place.
Now, the thing that knocked this down to a two star read for me is the constant defense of Ash. He is never in the wrong and is always a victim. Even though he nearly became a school shooter and after his relationship with Dorian continues to date young mentally ill girls. Ash was 23 while Dorian was 16 when they began dating. The age gap is only brought up a few times. It's never actually discussed in a way to say a 23 year old dating a 16 year old is WRONG. If anything it's very romanticized and while reading I kept forgetting about the age gap. We only see Ash through Dorian's eyes and it's obvious he's still in love with him. This is problematic especially when you take into consideration the targeted demographic for this book. This book reads as a teenager writing about their first love and all their regrets when it should read as an adult looking back on their life. That way Ash and the relationship could have been more critically written about. The more I learned about Ash the more frustrated I got with the author.
February 21, 2025
My god. I'm not even done, and yet this deserves 5 stars. The sheer vivid, beautiful, heartbreaking and sometimes oh-too-relatable storytelling. The depth of which Dorian can go about things I know well - eating disorders and self-harm. I've been an avid YouTube viewer for years, having stumbled upon the videos chronicling 'the early years' of ProAna. I came in at the second wave, just as the remnants of forums (my beloved MAL, BF, MPA, MFO, HoT) moved towards Twitter. And I was thus part of the beginning of EDtwt, when its infancy sprang into existence, that same private underground but cohesive community Dorian remembers early forums being like. LONG before anyone knew what ED Twitter was, LONG before TikTok, and LONG before K-Pop would enter the sacred halls of mentally ill teens.
To see myself in many pages, but also read the poetical memoir of someone who lived a different life to me in a different era... It's an emotional whirlwind. My love for Dorian is extensively deep and I could probably neurodivergently trauma-dump in my review on why, not even finished, this book means so much to me. Even the bits I don't relate to and live vicariously through (I was much too straightlaced to do teenage drugs and sex.) All of this just throbs a nostalgic pulse, even for a young Millennial a decade younger. It's an insight to a world I never knew. A #RelatableContent moment for the bits I do know.
And it's all text wrapped up by a YouTuber I deeply admire. Bloody brilliant.
To see myself in many pages, but also read the poetical memoir of someone who lived a different life to me in a different era... It's an emotional whirlwind. My love for Dorian is extensively deep and I could probably neurodivergently trauma-dump in my review on why, not even finished, this book means so much to me. Even the bits I don't relate to and live vicariously through (I was much too straightlaced to do teenage drugs and sex.) All of this just throbs a nostalgic pulse, even for a young Millennial a decade younger. It's an insight to a world I never knew. A #RelatableContent moment for the bits I do know.
And it's all text wrapped up by a YouTuber I deeply admire. Bloody brilliant.
January 30, 2026
I was very excited to read this book. I have been watching Dorian since I can remember myself on YouTube and have always loved their way of writing/speaking. I always found it so beautiful and their stories on YouTube so engaging and interesting.
this book also contains this style of writing. it's colorful, especially with the fancy British phrases or words that I had to pause and google, haha.
I learned a lot from the book about what life without technology was, what people were like. I quite liked it.
I would usually never go out of my way to criticize a memoir, since... what do I have to say there? but there was something that irritated me a bit while reading this one.
and that was the fact that in every story, Dorian is always the 'better one'. might not be on purpose, but it's always like:
if everyone is deadly drunk, they're not, because they have resistance. if everyone is taking the same amount of drugs and being super affected by them. Dorian is not, because they did xyz before that. if everyone is lost and illogical, they're not because of whatever.
it just doesn't seems realistic. in every story, somehow everyone around is always at some kind of state that for Dorian is described as unreachable. they could never be as drunk/high/stoned/confused as everyone.
this book also contains this style of writing. it's colorful, especially with the fancy British phrases or words that I had to pause and google, haha.
I learned a lot from the book about what life without technology was, what people were like. I quite liked it.
I would usually never go out of my way to criticize a memoir, since... what do I have to say there? but there was something that irritated me a bit while reading this one.
and that was the fact that in every story, Dorian is always the 'better one'. might not be on purpose, but it's always like:
if everyone is deadly drunk, they're not, because they have resistance. if everyone is taking the same amount of drugs and being super affected by them. Dorian is not, because they did xyz before that. if everyone is lost and illogical, they're not because of whatever.
it just doesn't seems realistic. in every story, somehow everyone around is always at some kind of state that for Dorian is described as unreachable. they could never be as drunk/high/stoned/confused as everyone.
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