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The Rules of Us
Come out. Break up. Stay friends? In this heartwarming queer love story about love of all kinds, exes navigate new crushes, new feelings, and a newly uncertain future after unexpectedly coming out to each other on prom night turns their lives--and their friendship--upside down. Can they figure out how to move on without losing each other?
Jillian and Henry are the kind of couple who do everything together. They take the same classes, have the same hobbies, and applied for the same super-competitive scholarship so they can go to the same dream college. They even come out as gay to each other on the same night, after junior prom, prompting a sudden breakup that threatens their intertwined identities and carefully designed future. Jillian knows the only way to keep everything on track is to approach their breakup with the same precision and planning as their scholarship application. They will still be "Jillian and Henry"--even if they're broken up.
Except they hadn't planned on Henry meeting the boy of his dreams or Jillian obsessing over a cool girl at school. Jillian is desperate to hold on to her best friend when so much else is changing. But as she and Henry explore what--and who--they really want, it becomes harder to hold on to the careful definitions she has always lived her life by. Stuck somewhere between who she was with Henry and who she might be on her own, Jillian has to face what she can't control and let go of the rules holding her back.
Jillian and Henry are the kind of couple who do everything together. They take the same classes, have the same hobbies, and applied for the same super-competitive scholarship so they can go to the same dream college. They even come out as gay to each other on the same night, after junior prom, prompting a sudden breakup that threatens their intertwined identities and carefully designed future. Jillian knows the only way to keep everything on track is to approach their breakup with the same precision and planning as their scholarship application. They will still be "Jillian and Henry"--even if they're broken up.
Except they hadn't planned on Henry meeting the boy of his dreams or Jillian obsessing over a cool girl at school. Jillian is desperate to hold on to her best friend when so much else is changing. But as she and Henry explore what--and who--they really want, it becomes harder to hold on to the careful definitions she has always lived her life by. Stuck somewhere between who she was with Henry and who she might be on her own, Jillian has to face what she can't control and let go of the rules holding her back.
336 pages, Library Binding
First published May 9, 2023
11 people are currently reading
3514 people want to read
About the author
Jennifer Nissley
2 books23 followersJennifer Nissley (she/her/hers) is the author of THE MYTHIC KODA ROSE, which will be published by Simon & Schuster in Summer 2021. Although her first love is writing, she is powerfully attracted to video games, horses, and pretty much any piece of clothing or interior design with an animal on it.
She received her MFA in Fiction from Stony Brook Southampton and lives in Queens with her spouse and doggo, but sadly no horses.
Currently, she’s at work on multiple writing projects. Follow her on instagram @jennifer.nissley.
She received her MFA in Fiction from Stony Brook Southampton and lives in Queens with her spouse and doggo, but sadly no horses.
Currently, she’s at work on multiple writing projects. Follow her on instagram @jennifer.nissley.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 59 reviews
May 5, 2023
This was an okay queer YA friends to lovers to friends story about two teens who come out to one another and try to be friends as they explore their sexuality. I'm usually a huge fan of books like this one but for some reason I didn't love the FMC and it all felt too back and forth/wishy washy. It just wasn't my cup of tea (and I probably should have DNF'd earlier rather than force myself to finish). Thanks to @prhaudio for an ALC in exchange for my honest review.
February 28, 2023
The Rules of Us is an extremely unique lgbt coming of age story by Jennifer Nissley.
Henry and Jillian are best friends and are dating. Then everything changes as they both come out to the other.
Honestly, I wanted to love this story, as it had so much promise.
But...
the main characters repeatedly annoyed me. they were in an unhealthy relationship, making all of their decisions around the other. It was highly toxic and I just couldn't get past then in the end.
Henry and Jillian are best friends and are dating. Then everything changes as they both come out to the other.
Honestly, I wanted to love this story, as it had so much promise.
But...
the main characters repeatedly annoyed me. they were in an unhealthy relationship, making all of their decisions around the other. It was highly toxic and I just couldn't get past then in the end.
February 20, 2023
3.25/5 stars! I think what I loved most about this book is that it showcases that friendship love is its own special kind of love. I think a lot of us with our 'high school sweethearts' realized that person was supposed to be our friend, not our lover. This book highlighted that perfectly. I really like all the characters, although Henry is probably my favorite. I think he highlighted the most growth throughout the story.
I received an advance review copy for free through NetGalley, and I am leaving this review voluntarily
I received an advance review copy for free through NetGalley, and I am leaving this review voluntarily
August 9, 2023
4.5/5!
Jennifer Nissley’s “The Rules of Us” follows the complicated relationship-turned-friendship of two queer teens figuring out what it means to be, newly-out, individuals and what that means for their future as friends.
This is not your stereotypical YA queer coming of age story; I don’t even think I’d classify this book as YA. Don’t come into the book expecting the queer YA coming of age books you’ve read before because this book is MESSY. Messy but great, because queer people deserve messy books, too, don’t they?
Henry and Jillian have the funniest friends with benefits situation I have seen in a book. Instead of becoming closer, the benefits—along with the friendship—just dwindles more and more. Their relationship is really complex and obviously it made me cringe, but that’s why I loved it! They’re queer teenagers, let them make mistakes and not know exactly what they’re feeling!
Getting to see Henry and Jillian finally sort everything out, specifically within themselves, was so amazing to see. I love friendships in books but so often find they are never given the attention they need because they’re not romantic relationships nor are they given any depth. Henry and Jillian teeter between romantic and not, but ultimately their platonic love is very deep for one another. They also get to FIGHT instead of just nicely getting over their problems, which was AMAZING.
The two characters get to both exist outside of one another which I loved to see. Jillian was so accurately awkward it was like looking into a mirror— and I imagine many other queer people will feel the same! I would’ve liked to see more of the crew team, but I understand that most of the book was meant to focus on how she couldn’t give up her past. Also, Jillian’s ending with Carla was actually so perfect.
While some of the plot lines within the Henry and Jillian relationship were a bit bold, to say the least, I really enjoyed how different this book was.
Overall, a great read—for a bit of an older audience—about complicated people trying to figure out what being queer means for them and their friendship. A light but interesting read!
Thank you to Pride Book Tour for the book!
Jennifer Nissley’s “The Rules of Us” follows the complicated relationship-turned-friendship of two queer teens figuring out what it means to be, newly-out, individuals and what that means for their future as friends.
This is not your stereotypical YA queer coming of age story; I don’t even think I’d classify this book as YA. Don’t come into the book expecting the queer YA coming of age books you’ve read before because this book is MESSY. Messy but great, because queer people deserve messy books, too, don’t they?
Henry and Jillian have the funniest friends with benefits situation I have seen in a book. Instead of becoming closer, the benefits—along with the friendship—just dwindles more and more. Their relationship is really complex and obviously it made me cringe, but that’s why I loved it! They’re queer teenagers, let them make mistakes and not know exactly what they’re feeling!
Getting to see Henry and Jillian finally sort everything out, specifically within themselves, was so amazing to see. I love friendships in books but so often find they are never given the attention they need because they’re not romantic relationships nor are they given any depth. Henry and Jillian teeter between romantic and not, but ultimately their platonic love is very deep for one another. They also get to FIGHT instead of just nicely getting over their problems, which was AMAZING.
The two characters get to both exist outside of one another which I loved to see. Jillian was so accurately awkward it was like looking into a mirror— and I imagine many other queer people will feel the same! I would’ve liked to see more of the crew team, but I understand that most of the book was meant to focus on how she couldn’t give up her past. Also, Jillian’s ending with Carla was actually so perfect.
While some of the plot lines within the Henry and Jillian relationship were a bit bold, to say the least, I really enjoyed how different this book was.
Overall, a great read—for a bit of an older audience—about complicated people trying to figure out what being queer means for them and their friendship. A light but interesting read!
Thank you to Pride Book Tour for the book!
March 19, 2023
This was a weird one for me. I think where this fell short was I just did not like either character, and I didn’t care if either one of them succeeded. Jillian was just…annoying. Every move she made was to further what she wanted, and took very little consideration for Henry and what he needed. Once the pair break up, I do also think Henry isn’t very considerate of Jillian’s feelings either. I think their both egregiously selfish kids that need to focus on themselves, but instead focus on their rather alarmingly intense friendship. The book very nearly totally lost me with THAT scene about a quarter of the way through as well. I didn’t enjoy where the story was heading and I almost gave up on the book, and I’ll be frank, it still didn’t lead to a very good place. This one’s a miss for me, but there’s a lot of potential with this author I’m looking forward to more reads from her.
September 1, 2023
With this sweet, unique concept and super cute cover I was SO ready to love this one. Unfortunately, even for teenagers, these two were toxic and codependent. The FMC was really controlling and unlikeable - I loved this premise but I just couldn't get behind these characters.
May 9, 2023
ARC provided by Labyrinth Road/Random House Children's via TBR & Beyond Tours. All opinions are mine and freely given.
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05-09: Jillian and Henry's story is complicated.. and not just because their relationship is being pulled in opposite directions by their recent revelations. They're also smart, messy, complicated individuals who are prone to allowing their feelings to dictate their behaviors.
Both Jillian and Henry are extremely driven, college-bound students. It seems as if they've shared everything since they met, been absolutely in-step with one another all the way. Here those steps are starting to falter.
From a character standpoint, they each are alternately flawed and frequently relatable, if somewhat hypocritical. Unfortunately, this aspect of Jillian's personality is heavily frontloaded in the story, which made me dislike her for awhile.. but as things evened out, I began to root for both of them.
Generally speaking, the characters are diverse and adorable. I liked the supporting cast as much as the leads, sometimes more. I cared about them as people and their struggle resonated with me. It's not always easy to do what's right for oneself without causing collateral damage to those in our immediate circle, try as we might.
Initially this author had a small habit of interjecting really cringe internal monologue in what appeared to be an effort to use niche modern vernacular. While that would be fine for me if the rest of the book's tone matched it, the lines would come out of nowhere after a flowery description or more standard stylings. It just felt, out of sync with the writing as a whole.
I promise you though, it gets better. If it throws you off at the beginning, push on. Nissley does ease up on those kinds of phrases. Once they become fewer and farther between, softer even.. they stop jarring the reader out of the moment.
The story itself is inherently cute, filled with themes of self-discovery, hope, and perseverance. I was pleased to see important topics discussed as well, like the flaw in idealized allyship over the importance of an individual's needs and wishes. I read it through in one shot and enjoyed it immensely.
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May 15, 2023
This was a miss for me. I liked the premise a lot, a couple both figuring out that they're queer and coming to terms with breaking up and moving forward, but it just didn't play out how I wanted.
The main character is Jillian, she's controlling and self-centered, trying to make rules for every situation in her life. I found it difficult to like her, she held Henry to things that she herself wasn't following and it frustrated me through the book. I didn't like her with Carla and was rooting against them because they really didn't fit together.
The ending is sort of vague so we don't get to know for sure how things will play out. I didn't love that, but was just ready for it all to be over.
I voluntarily read and reviewed this book. All opinions are my own. Thank you to Labyrinth Road and NetGalley for the copy.
The main character is Jillian, she's controlling and self-centered, trying to make rules for every situation in her life. I found it difficult to like her, she held Henry to things that she herself wasn't following and it frustrated me through the book. I didn't like her with Carla and was rooting against them because they really didn't fit together.
The ending is sort of vague so we don't get to know for sure how things will play out. I didn't love that, but was just ready for it all to be over.
I voluntarily read and reviewed this book. All opinions are my own. Thank you to Labyrinth Road and NetGalley for the copy.
March 1, 2024
3.5 ⭐️. My queer crew heart was throbbing this whole time. Normally not a huge fan of high school romance but this was by FAR an exception to that. Though I’m still traumatized by any mention of “dry-lands”
June 1, 2023
Thank you so much to NetGalley for sending me an ARC in exchange for an honest review.
Maybe I wasn't someone that worked my ass off to be the best in HS. (I worked but didn't care so much about being the top student but rather just getting out of HS) so I thought the main character's whole plan to be the best was tiring at times. Yall, are not getting the scholarship because you aren't well-rounded individuals that have various interests. Gillian and Henry's co-dependency was also very frustrating to read about and kinda wish they would have moved on from one another by the end of the book because they both expected something different out of their relationship.
Maybe I wasn't someone that worked my ass off to be the best in HS. (I worked but didn't care so much about being the top student but rather just getting out of HS) so I thought the main character's whole plan to be the best was tiring at times. Yall, are not getting the scholarship because you aren't well-rounded individuals that have various interests. Gillian and Henry's co-dependency was also very frustrating to read about and kinda wish they would have moved on from one another by the end of the book because they both expected something different out of their relationship.
February 18, 2024
This is the second book that I didn’t finish this year. Let me tell you why.
Okay, so this book was one that I judged by its cover, tbh. I really loved the blue and yellow combo, and combined with the cover art was just so! frickin! cute! Unfortunately, though, the cover of this book was the best part.
The plot here had potential- reading the back of the book had me pretty into it, but I need to give you guys some background.
I started this book last weekend, and got to about page 75 before life got ahold of me and I had to stop. Then, I didn’t read during the week, since, you know, life. I had the chance to read a couple days this week, but I didn’t want to if it meant that I had to read this one. I finally picked up this book last night and almost threw it across the room after I tried to read a page.
Maybe this book just isn’t for me, idk. I just wasn’t feeling it, and I’ve only been able to identify two main problems that I had:
1) I didn’t like Jillian. Usually, not loving the main character doesn’t bother me all that much; I didn’t really like Katniss Everdeen, but the Hunger Games trilogy was still pretty damn good. With Jillian, though, I just couldn’t do it. She just seemed kind of controlling and bossy, and I was NOT into her personality.
2) The story felt like it was starting in the middle of another story. I know that some books are supposed to be like that, and it usually works out, but for this book, I felt like I was reading the fifth Harry Potter book before the first one - it just doesn’t make sense. I didn’t really know what was happening for a good 50 pages; the story starts in the middle of prom, and then suddenly they’re about to have sex and then come out to each other at the exact same time. It was just too much, too fast, and I felt like I’d missed a couple chapters, or a prologue, or something.
So, moral of the story/ TLDR: this book wasn’t for me, and I just couldn’t finish it. Maybe I’ll try again another time, but not for a long while. If you liked this book, that’s totally chill and I’m not antagonizing you. It just, wasn’t for me.
Bye, guys!
Okay, so this book was one that I judged by its cover, tbh. I really loved the blue and yellow combo, and combined with the cover art was just so! frickin! cute! Unfortunately, though, the cover of this book was the best part.
The plot here had potential- reading the back of the book had me pretty into it, but I need to give you guys some background.
I started this book last weekend, and got to about page 75 before life got ahold of me and I had to stop. Then, I didn’t read during the week, since, you know, life. I had the chance to read a couple days this week, but I didn’t want to if it meant that I had to read this one. I finally picked up this book last night and almost threw it across the room after I tried to read a page.
Maybe this book just isn’t for me, idk. I just wasn’t feeling it, and I’ve only been able to identify two main problems that I had:
1) I didn’t like Jillian. Usually, not loving the main character doesn’t bother me all that much; I didn’t really like Katniss Everdeen, but the Hunger Games trilogy was still pretty damn good. With Jillian, though, I just couldn’t do it. She just seemed kind of controlling and bossy, and I was NOT into her personality.
2) The story felt like it was starting in the middle of another story. I know that some books are supposed to be like that, and it usually works out, but for this book, I felt like I was reading the fifth Harry Potter book before the first one - it just doesn’t make sense. I didn’t really know what was happening for a good 50 pages; the story starts in the middle of prom, and then suddenly they’re about to have sex and then come out to each other at the exact same time. It was just too much, too fast, and I felt like I’d missed a couple chapters, or a prologue, or something.
So, moral of the story/ TLDR: this book wasn’t for me, and I just couldn’t finish it. Maybe I’ll try again another time, but not for a long while. If you liked this book, that’s totally chill and I’m not antagonizing you. It just, wasn’t for me.
Bye, guys!
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August 22, 2023All the relationships in here were SO messy and not in a fun haha drama way messy. No, it was messy in a "i hate everyone involved" way.
I love the idea that it starts off with these two besties turned couple both coming out to each other on prom night. But after that everything was done so badly and I want someone else to take this and write it better. 💀
The relationship between Henry and Jillian was so lowkey toxic and made me uncomfortable ngl. Like they were so up their own asses neither could think without the other confirming a thought and while one of them does get mad at the other for always wanting to be the same and how they aren't, it wasn't enough.
It was so back and forth, flaky as fuck with neither of them ACTUALLY moving on from their relationship that they ended due to coming out. They both have other love interests and both of those were so ick and then ofc these two jackasses couldn't stop hooking up between all that anyway.
I really really did not like Jillian's love interest either, if you could even call her that. From the beginning of it, it was just Jillian had a major crush while the other girl was hung up on HER EX and just felt like a user. (Seriously wtf nobody knows how to actually break up in this damn book like??? stop??? fucking??? your??? ex???)
Every scene with them was so awkward and the secondhand embarrassment of reading it hurt. There were no cute moments, it was all awkward as fuck.
Then there was SO MUCH FUCKING ROWING. Like oh my god dude, I don't give a shit pls move it on???
Jillian was annoying and then Henry and his love interest were annoying too. Jillian spends the entire time steamrolling him, oh my god. I absolutely hated them together and hated them apart because of how shitty they were to each other and everyone else.
In my head I was thinking it would have been cute if they broke up and both dated other people but those didn't work out but had fun!! And then after self reflection into their sexuality, they realize that wait that person is the one despite the queer awakenings. 🥺 But no lol.
I love the idea that it starts off with these two besties turned couple both coming out to each other on prom night. But after that everything was done so badly and I want someone else to take this and write it better. 💀
The relationship between Henry and Jillian was so lowkey toxic and made me uncomfortable ngl. Like they were so up their own asses neither could think without the other confirming a thought and while one of them does get mad at the other for always wanting to be the same and how they aren't, it wasn't enough.
It was so back and forth, flaky as fuck with neither of them ACTUALLY moving on from their relationship that they ended due to coming out. They both have other love interests and both of those were so ick and then ofc these two jackasses couldn't stop hooking up between all that anyway.
I really really did not like Jillian's love interest either, if you could even call her that. From the beginning of it, it was just Jillian had a major crush while the other girl was hung up on HER EX and just felt like a user. (Seriously wtf nobody knows how to actually break up in this damn book like??? stop??? fucking??? your??? ex???)
Every scene with them was so awkward and the secondhand embarrassment of reading it hurt. There were no cute moments, it was all awkward as fuck.
Then there was SO MUCH FUCKING ROWING. Like oh my god dude, I don't give a shit pls move it on???
Jillian was annoying and then Henry and his love interest were annoying too. Jillian spends the entire time steamrolling him, oh my god. I absolutely hated them together and hated them apart because of how shitty they were to each other and everyone else.
In my head I was thinking it would have been cute if they broke up and both dated other people but those didn't work out but had fun!! And then after self reflection into their sexuality, they realize that wait that person is the one despite the queer awakenings. 🥺 But no lol.
January 25, 2023
The Rules of Us by @jennifer.nissley
genre: YA contemporary
pages: 327
releasing: May 2023
rep: Queer & questioning MCs, South Korean MC; (lesbian, bi, enby SCs)
Jillian is a junior in high school who has her whole life planned out on a list in a notebook. She's been dating her best friend (Henry) for years and is on track to graduate with honors (with Henry), go to her dream university (with Henry), and major in video game design (with Henry). But when Henry comes out as gay to her after prom, Jillian's super structured world she's planned with Henry begins to uproot.
Jill means well, but her super structured life has her so laser focused on her goals that she doesn't realize how emotionally reliant she and Henry are on each other. Henry starts to need space to explore his sexual identity. Jill also realizes that she's been crushing on a girl from afar as well. Both of them are trying to figure out what life looks like without each other being so prominent in each other's life. They're both messy and selfish, but I think this book is realistic for a teen break up right at the college crossroads.
genre: YA contemporary
pages: 327
releasing: May 2023
rep: Queer & questioning MCs, South Korean MC; (lesbian, bi, enby SCs)
Jillian is a junior in high school who has her whole life planned out on a list in a notebook. She's been dating her best friend (Henry) for years and is on track to graduate with honors (with Henry), go to her dream university (with Henry), and major in video game design (with Henry). But when Henry comes out as gay to her after prom, Jillian's super structured world she's planned with Henry begins to uproot.
Jill means well, but her super structured life has her so laser focused on her goals that she doesn't realize how emotionally reliant she and Henry are on each other. Henry starts to need space to explore his sexual identity. Jill also realizes that she's been crushing on a girl from afar as well. Both of them are trying to figure out what life looks like without each other being so prominent in each other's life. They're both messy and selfish, but I think this book is realistic for a teen break up right at the college crossroads.
August 18, 2023
THE RULES OF US is a YA contemporary about finding yourself and coming-of-age. Jillian and Henry have been dating for years, and they are absolutely best friends - they do everything together. On the night of junior prom, just as they are planning something big, Henry confesses that he thinks he is gay, and Jillian decides that she might be too. They decide to break up but stay best friends with some new ground rules, especially since they have been working together to get a prestigious scholarship to fulfill their college dreams.
As Jillian begins to allow herself to fully crush on Carla, Henry begins to move on with his own crush. However, remaining just friends may be harder than they thought, especially when their lives have been so enmeshed for so long. Their journey is one of defining themselves anew and beginning to realize the limits of their codependency.
This was a tougher read emotionally than I expected, as their journey is quite a difficult one. The story is told from Jillian's perspective. Her life has revolved around Henry for so long. They don't have any interests or activities or even classes that are not shared, so beginning to think of them as separate beings seems impossible. In the wake of their break up, she has been somewhat set adrift, though things are slow to change. Relationships are never easy, particularly for high schoolers who are still figuring out what they want. As she begins to get into things with Carla, this other relationship has some challenges as well, but the experience allows Jillian to begin to define what it is that she does want and who she might want that with.
In many ways, Henry and Jillian's relationship was unhealthy and codependent. This can make it really tough to see into and understand fully, but it does also lead to a lot of epiphanies as they begin to see the world outside of it and understand themselves better beyond their coupledom. Their break up was a bit messy in that it was hard for them to fully separate when they were still so much a part of each other's lives. I found a few scenes along the way to be particularly challenging to read, but it seemed in line with messy high school immaturity and blurred lines.
While the book revolved around relationships, the relationships were not really the point. It was more about figuring yourself out and determining where you wanted to go in life, themes that will resonate with teens. That being said, I would not pick this up if you are looking for romance - it's really more of an emotional coming-of-age story.
Overall, THE RULES OF US is a YA contemporary about finding yourself and choosing your own paths. Please note that I received a review copy. All opinions are my own.
As Jillian begins to allow herself to fully crush on Carla, Henry begins to move on with his own crush. However, remaining just friends may be harder than they thought, especially when their lives have been so enmeshed for so long. Their journey is one of defining themselves anew and beginning to realize the limits of their codependency.
This was a tougher read emotionally than I expected, as their journey is quite a difficult one. The story is told from Jillian's perspective. Her life has revolved around Henry for so long. They don't have any interests or activities or even classes that are not shared, so beginning to think of them as separate beings seems impossible. In the wake of their break up, she has been somewhat set adrift, though things are slow to change. Relationships are never easy, particularly for high schoolers who are still figuring out what they want. As she begins to get into things with Carla, this other relationship has some challenges as well, but the experience allows Jillian to begin to define what it is that she does want and who she might want that with.
In many ways, Henry and Jillian's relationship was unhealthy and codependent. This can make it really tough to see into and understand fully, but it does also lead to a lot of epiphanies as they begin to see the world outside of it and understand themselves better beyond their coupledom. Their break up was a bit messy in that it was hard for them to fully separate when they were still so much a part of each other's lives. I found a few scenes along the way to be particularly challenging to read, but it seemed in line with messy high school immaturity and blurred lines.
While the book revolved around relationships, the relationships were not really the point. It was more about figuring yourself out and determining where you wanted to go in life, themes that will resonate with teens. That being said, I would not pick this up if you are looking for romance - it's really more of an emotional coming-of-age story.
Overall, THE RULES OF US is a YA contemporary about finding yourself and choosing your own paths. Please note that I received a review copy. All opinions are my own.
May 16, 2023
This is a story about what happens when the one thing in your life you are sure about suddenly changes. Jillian and Henry's lives are completely intertwined. They are not just a couple -- they take all the same classes, they are interested in the same things, they spend most of their time together, and have both applied for a very competitive scholarship with the hopes they can attend the same college on the path to starting their own video game studio. But the night after their junior prom, Henry comes out as gay to Jillian. And Jillian, who had been questioning her own identity, responds by coming out as gay herself.
Neither Jillian and Henry know quite what this means for them. Jillian is committed to trying to minimize the changes to their lives as much as possible. She creates a set of rules that she believes will ensure she and Henry stay friends, and stay on track with their joint college plans. But both Henry and Jillian find their lives changing more quickly than they could have ever imagined, as Henry spends more and more time with Stevie, a fellow member of his youth group, and Jillian finds herself obsessing over Carla, a classmate at their school. As Jillian finds herself growing, and she and Henry growing apart, she wonders what it all means for her future.
I enjoyed this book. The author portrays well both the excitement and fear that Jillian and Henry feel as they leave the safety of their relationship and figure out, and explore, their authentic selves. As a reader, you see both how central their relationship was to both Jillian and Henry, the way they structured so much of their lives on the basis of that foundation, and how destabilizing it is to gradually come to terms with the way that will inevitably change as they carve out their own, independent identities -- and the hurt that comes along the way. It is a thoughtful examination of identity, and how it is built both individually and in relationship to those closest to you.
Highly recommended!
Neither Jillian and Henry know quite what this means for them. Jillian is committed to trying to minimize the changes to their lives as much as possible. She creates a set of rules that she believes will ensure she and Henry stay friends, and stay on track with their joint college plans. But both Henry and Jillian find their lives changing more quickly than they could have ever imagined, as Henry spends more and more time with Stevie, a fellow member of his youth group, and Jillian finds herself obsessing over Carla, a classmate at their school. As Jillian finds herself growing, and she and Henry growing apart, she wonders what it all means for her future.
I enjoyed this book. The author portrays well both the excitement and fear that Jillian and Henry feel as they leave the safety of their relationship and figure out, and explore, their authentic selves. As a reader, you see both how central their relationship was to both Jillian and Henry, the way they structured so much of their lives on the basis of that foundation, and how destabilizing it is to gradually come to terms with the way that will inevitably change as they carve out their own, independent identities -- and the hurt that comes along the way. It is a thoughtful examination of identity, and how it is built both individually and in relationship to those closest to you.
Highly recommended!
February 16, 2023
I really need to stop reading YA contemporaries. Because even though I used to enjoy them, I don't anymore. The characters are simply too close in age to me. All of the inconsistencies with reality are glaring and it drives me crazy.
For example, the whole scholarship drama. There are SO many scholarships out there. I've spent this year finding and applying to them. Sure, not every one is 85K, but there's more than one. The Purdy being these kids' ride or die drove me crazy.
As for the college drama, that was worse. It's literally drilled into every high school kid not to go to college with your best friend. Don't plan your life around them. And that's exactly what these two did. And just like we're warned, it backfired.
I also couldn't stand the relationship between Henry and Jillian. It was SO codependent. Unhealthily so. And I get that was what the book was trying to showcase. But it just ruined their relationship for me. I wanted them to go through it so they would face reality.
I also think this is advertised in a misleading manner. Based off the synopsis, I expected more romance. This wasn't a romance. The romances didn't work out. They were on the page every once in a while, and that was it. This was a friendship drama, and not a particularly enjoyable one.
Ugh, and don't even get me started on the whole ineligibility for the Purdy thing. I mean come on, two of the best students in this school never did clubs, sports, or took a foreign language?? Foreign language ios literally a requirement at my school. You can't graduate without it. And even when you ignore that, its ridiculous. To get into top schools, every kid is told to pack their resume with extracurriculars. And you're telling me these two didn't? Yeah right.
So yeah, this wasn't for me. I'll be happy to forget about it in a week.
Thanks to Netgalley for providing a free copy in exchange for an honest review
For example, the whole scholarship drama. There are SO many scholarships out there. I've spent this year finding and applying to them. Sure, not every one is 85K, but there's more than one. The Purdy being these kids' ride or die drove me crazy.
As for the college drama, that was worse. It's literally drilled into every high school kid not to go to college with your best friend. Don't plan your life around them. And that's exactly what these two did. And just like we're warned, it backfired.
I also couldn't stand the relationship between Henry and Jillian. It was SO codependent. Unhealthily so. And I get that was what the book was trying to showcase. But it just ruined their relationship for me. I wanted them to go through it so they would face reality.
I also think this is advertised in a misleading manner. Based off the synopsis, I expected more romance. This wasn't a romance. The romances didn't work out. They were on the page every once in a while, and that was it. This was a friendship drama, and not a particularly enjoyable one.
Ugh, and don't even get me started on the whole ineligibility for the Purdy thing. I mean come on, two of the best students in this school never did clubs, sports, or took a foreign language?? Foreign language ios literally a requirement at my school. You can't graduate without it. And even when you ignore that, its ridiculous. To get into top schools, every kid is told to pack their resume with extracurriculars. And you're telling me these two didn't? Yeah right.
So yeah, this wasn't for me. I'll be happy to forget about it in a week.
Thanks to Netgalley for providing a free copy in exchange for an honest review
July 10, 2023
When did the course of true love ever run smooth? Certainly not with high school juniors Jillian and Henry, whose best laid plans for a life together are suddenly going awry. Best friends since 7th grade, they are unalterably destined for a life together. At least that's what Jillian thinks, with a certitude she refuses to have challenged, even by Henry. But there is one thing neither has shared with the other: they are both feeling attraction to their own sex.
So the scene is set for a truly winning and engaging story of young love, friendship,
self- exploration, and identity, as Jillian and Henry navigate a future and relationship neither ever planned for. While both characters are fully and convincingly drawn, as Jillian is the narrator we bond more with her. In Jillian, Nissley has created a high school junior to remember: smart, funny, confidant, vulnerable, cautious, yet impulsive when it calls for it, the planner and manager. Henry seems a bit less complex, more reactive than active, more angst prone, quiet until he finds his voice and a new identity.
Nissley is a fine wordsmith and her prose is delightful to read. I think this book does what the best coming-of-age stories do: introduce us to characters we can relate to and care about, riding the crest of change, learning about love and friendship, and how they can be different and the same.
So the scene is set for a truly winning and engaging story of young love, friendship,
self- exploration, and identity, as Jillian and Henry navigate a future and relationship neither ever planned for. While both characters are fully and convincingly drawn, as Jillian is the narrator we bond more with her. In Jillian, Nissley has created a high school junior to remember: smart, funny, confidant, vulnerable, cautious, yet impulsive when it calls for it, the planner and manager. Henry seems a bit less complex, more reactive than active, more angst prone, quiet until he finds his voice and a new identity.
Nissley is a fine wordsmith and her prose is delightful to read. I think this book does what the best coming-of-age stories do: introduce us to characters we can relate to and care about, riding the crest of change, learning about love and friendship, and how they can be different and the same.
May 16, 2023
The Rules of Us hooked me from page one. The characters are adorable and authentic, and I liked that it was a unique take on an old story: coming out to your best friend, only in this version, your best friend is your boyfriend, and he's coming out at the same time.
Jillian and Henry have a believable bond that transcends the romantic parts of their relationship. They’ve created a whole mythology around themselves as this power duo ready to take on the world; but untangling that from the romantic part of their relationship is tricky, after Jillian's sudden, life-upending interest in girls — one girl specifically — and Henry's declaration of something he's known for years: he's gay.
These aren't easy waters to navigate — hence “the rules” — that don’t always get followed. This story deals with all that messy stuff around breaking up and staying friends that anyone can relate to, and does it well. But it also takes on the delicate topic of venturing into those scary waters of actually acting on feelings you been burying, and in Jullian’s case, pretending aren’t real. Nissley’s beautiful writing makes this part of the story easy to get swept away into. All in all, I found it to be a really sweet, heartwarming read.
Jillian and Henry have a believable bond that transcends the romantic parts of their relationship. They’ve created a whole mythology around themselves as this power duo ready to take on the world; but untangling that from the romantic part of their relationship is tricky, after Jillian's sudden, life-upending interest in girls — one girl specifically — and Henry's declaration of something he's known for years: he's gay.
These aren't easy waters to navigate — hence “the rules” — that don’t always get followed. This story deals with all that messy stuff around breaking up and staying friends that anyone can relate to, and does it well. But it also takes on the delicate topic of venturing into those scary waters of actually acting on feelings you been burying, and in Jullian’s case, pretending aren’t real. Nissley’s beautiful writing makes this part of the story easy to get swept away into. All in all, I found it to be a really sweet, heartwarming read.
August 20, 2023
This book is good. But, you have to stick with it through all the cringe, to the end, to get its goodness. It's not perfect but that's what's so great about it. The characters, all of them, are annoying and messy and contradictory and honest and brave and that's what makes it good.
There are many moments when I wanted to roll my eyes into the back of my head and not retrieve it but that's kind of the realistic and endearing element of this book.
Nissley, I think, captures the horror of teenage everything really well and there is no pretenses about it in any of the characters. The book is kind of raw and harsh and hard to swallow, the same way that it's hard to listen to people we care about make decisions that we know will only lead to hard results but we love them and cheer them on anyway. This book is kind of like that, cheering on Jillian and Henry who are trying desperately to cheer each other on despite all the despites.
This is not a book you read if you want something light or frilly but is a book you gift to folks long after they have gone through stuff and can read about the messiness and the drama of figuring yourself out when you have nothing else figured out at all.
There are many moments when I wanted to roll my eyes into the back of my head and not retrieve it but that's kind of the realistic and endearing element of this book.
Nissley, I think, captures the horror of teenage everything really well and there is no pretenses about it in any of the characters. The book is kind of raw and harsh and hard to swallow, the same way that it's hard to listen to people we care about make decisions that we know will only lead to hard results but we love them and cheer them on anyway. This book is kind of like that, cheering on Jillian and Henry who are trying desperately to cheer each other on despite all the despites.
This is not a book you read if you want something light or frilly but is a book you gift to folks long after they have gone through stuff and can read about the messiness and the drama of figuring yourself out when you have nothing else figured out at all.
May 4, 2023
This was a super cute, YA, coming of age story about gender identity and loving yourself.
Best friends Jillian and Henry decide to end their romantic relationship when they both confess that they might have feelings for people of the same sex. Henry feels confident in his identity while Jillian spends the majority of the book in crisis mode trying to figure out who she is. In the middle of everything both she and Henry are shortlisted for a major scholarship they’ve worked their entire lives for.
I appreciate this story being told through the lens of a high school student who is just trying to figure herself out. Jillian definitely got to be too dramatic for my taste (I understand she’s high school but geez) and lacked self awareness for her selfishness for most of the book.
The side characters were so much fun and I loved the ending!
The biggest thank you to #netgalley, #randomhousechildrens, and #labyrinthroad for an eARC of this story in exchange for an honest review!
Best friends Jillian and Henry decide to end their romantic relationship when they both confess that they might have feelings for people of the same sex. Henry feels confident in his identity while Jillian spends the majority of the book in crisis mode trying to figure out who she is. In the middle of everything both she and Henry are shortlisted for a major scholarship they’ve worked their entire lives for.
I appreciate this story being told through the lens of a high school student who is just trying to figure herself out. Jillian definitely got to be too dramatic for my taste (I understand she’s high school but geez) and lacked self awareness for her selfishness for most of the book.
The side characters were so much fun and I loved the ending!
The biggest thank you to #netgalley, #randomhousechildrens, and #labyrinthroad for an eARC of this story in exchange for an honest review!
July 13, 2023
I wanted this to be a lot better than it was. I get the main characters were only 16/17 but they all just felt so immature to me. Jillian was a mess the entire time. Henry felt like he was barely in the book. The whole recurring theme of ‘the rules’ made no sense to me because it was never properly explained. The writing style was choppy to me and no setting was ever fully described but for some reason the orchard kept coming up? I don’t know it was easy to read but then there would be occasional paragraphs about much deeper themes that came out of nowhere. I don’t really understand the journey Jillian took to get to the end, she seems like a better person now but the change felt unrealistic. Maybe because I don’t really know what the Purdy scholarship is, or didn’t pick up on the video game references, but I was simply confused for most of this book. Good representation maybe I guess but also I just did not really like this. Overall, a shrug.
October 17, 2024
I really wanted to like this book. It had the makings to be a cute YA LGBTQ+ story. However, for me, that was not the case. The two MCs, Jillian and Henry have dated for years. On prom night, they both come out to each other and decide to stay best friends. The story mainly follows Jillian in her path to "finding herself".
One of my problems was that I couldn't stand the characters. Both were whiney, self absorbed, and their relationship with each other was super toxic. Another issue was Jillian's parents refused to call Henry by his chosen name, they insited on calling him by his given Korean name, even though they were told Henry prefers to be called Henry. I just couldn't get into the story and found that I didn't really care how the story ended.
One of my problems was that I couldn't stand the characters. Both were whiney, self absorbed, and their relationship with each other was super toxic. Another issue was Jillian's parents refused to call Henry by his chosen name, they insited on calling him by his given Korean name, even though they were told Henry prefers to be called Henry. I just couldn't get into the story and found that I didn't really care how the story ended.
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May 19, 2023Still work on this one, idk if I'll finish so I wanted to put down these thoughts.
mainly I think having two main characters who share the same issue, ie being gay but also in love with each other, but only one of your characters is the point of view/narrator made the book badly unbalanced. It pushes ALL of the toxic co-dependence of their relationship onto Jillian and we don't get to see it from Henry's POV or the ways that Henry has added to this problem so it's all on Jillian which makes her come across as... unhinged, which if this book is headed toward a full Carrie White ending okay but if not....
mainly I think having two main characters who share the same issue, ie being gay but also in love with each other, but only one of your characters is the point of view/narrator made the book badly unbalanced. It pushes ALL of the toxic co-dependence of their relationship onto Jillian and we don't get to see it from Henry's POV or the ways that Henry has added to this problem so it's all on Jillian which makes her come across as... unhinged, which if this book is headed toward a full Carrie White ending okay but if not....
July 25, 2023
Made it 35% through and had to give up. The character development isn’t there and I just couldn’t continue. After 100 plus pages I didn’t care about either character or where the story was going. Boring situation and dialogue. Not for me and I love this genre. I had to cash out and start another book and stop wasting my time. One star for me but giving it 2 as I think the voice of this book doesn’t resonate with me. I think I would have have preferred it through the make Asian American perspective… might have been more nuanced and more interesting. Perfect example that a cute cover doesn’t make a good book 😞
March 11, 2023
3.5 stars. Thank you NetGalley for the eARC!
This is a tough one to review because I had a very strong emotional reaction to this book; it made me so, so sad at points! The entire book you are in Jillian’s head watching her life turn upside down, and it’s a lot. The ending is emotionally satisfying and hopeful, but it’s also a heartbreaking journey to get there. Overall I think teens will feel like this is an authentic portrayal of disentangling yourself from the person who is your everything.
This is a tough one to review because I had a very strong emotional reaction to this book; it made me so, so sad at points! The entire book you are in Jillian’s head watching her life turn upside down, and it’s a lot. The ending is emotionally satisfying and hopeful, but it’s also a heartbreaking journey to get there. Overall I think teens will feel like this is an authentic portrayal of disentangling yourself from the person who is your everything.
April 11, 2023
For a while I didn’t like this book. The characters were to dependent for their own good. But then I realized that’s what being a teenager is like. And I liked that at the end of the book they realized that they have to learn to stop relying on the other person for everything.
The other thing I disliked was the fact that there was only one scholarship that they could get? I don’t buy it, especially if they’re the smartest kids in their school.
Thank you to NetGalley and the publisher for an advanced copy of this book.
The other thing I disliked was the fact that there was only one scholarship that they could get? I don’t buy it, especially if they’re the smartest kids in their school.
Thank you to NetGalley and the publisher for an advanced copy of this book.
May 8, 2023
I really enjoyed reading this YA, coming of age book. The main characters were highly relatable, realistic, and complex. It was a great story of self-discovery, growing up (and sometimes apart) and navigating one's identity through personal choices amidst a breakup and shifting of friendship. Finding yourself as a teenager is hard, especially when you start questioning your preferences in a potential romantic partner. This book was easy to read and a well thought exploration of identity/self and how our paths can change even when we think we have it all mapped out.
May 25, 2023
It's strange that readers are marking this book down because they didn't like how messy the main characters are. I mean, they're teenagers who are trying to figure their shit out. Their co-dependency, jealousy, flip-flopping, need to control everything, breaking of rules they'd set up etc. all seem pretty average for people whose frontal lobes are nowhere near being fully developed. The journey that they're on was bumpy, but there was growth, and it yes, it was often painful ("cringe") to be along for the ride, but isn't that why it's called growing pains?
July 28, 2023
First off Thank you to #NetGalley for this free eARC in exchange for an honest review of the book. "The Rules of Us" follows two teenagers on a quest to find themselves before their senior year. This story follows Jillian as all of her best laid plans and rules seem to have a different plan for her. The raw truth of and unfiltered lens of teenagers discovering their sexuality, what labels work and "feel right" and finding support in those around you even if you are not the "same". This coming of age novel is refreshing in the blunt language used for a more mature YA audience.
April 4, 2023
I struggled a bit with this book.
I really enjoyed the journey both Jillian and Henry went on by exploring their relationship and also their relationships with others. The crewing information was so interesting. This was all new to me and I really enjoyed it.
There were some parts that just made me feel uncomfortable and grossed out. I almost felt like Jillian's relationship with Henry wasn't sexual but creepy. In fact, there was nothing sexual about it.
So its a 50/50.
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I really enjoyed the journey both Jillian and Henry went on by exploring their relationship and also their relationships with others. The crewing information was so interesting. This was all new to me and I really enjoyed it.
There were some parts that just made me feel uncomfortable and grossed out. I almost felt like Jillian's relationship with Henry wasn't sexual but creepy. In fact, there was nothing sexual about it.
So its a 50/50.
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