I Finally Bought Some Jordans: Essays – Hilarious and Sharp Stories About Race, Class, and Dating by a Black Creative Voice

by Michael Arceneaux

New York Times bestselling author Michael Arceneaux returns with a hilarious collection of essays about making your voice heard in an increasingly noisy and chaotic world. In his books I Can't Date Jesus and I Don't Want to Die Poor , Michael Arceneaux established himself as one of the most beloved and entertaining writers of his generation, touching upon such hot-button topics as race, class, sexuality, labor, debt, and, of course, paying homage to the power and wisdom of Beyoncé. In this collection, Arceneaux takes stock of how far he has traveled—and how much ground he still has to cover in this patriarchal, heteronormative society. He explores the opportunities afforded to Black creatives but also the doors that remain shut or ever-so-slightly ajar; the confounding challenges of dating in a time when social media has made everything both more accessible and more unreliable; and the allure of returning home while still pushing yourself to seek opportunity elsewhere. I Finally Bought Some Jordans is both a corrective to, and a balm for, these troubling times, revealing a sharply funny and keen-eyed storyteller working at the height of his craft.

Genres: Essays, Nonfiction, Memoir, Audiobook, Humor, Short Stories, LGBT

240 pages, Paperback

First published March 12, 2024

About the author

Michael is the New York Times bestselling author of I Can’t Date Jesus: Love, Sex, Family, Race, and Other Reasons I’ve Put My Faith in Beyoncé.

Additionally, he is a regular contributor to Esquire, Elle, Essence, NBC News’ THINK, MTV News, among others. He’s also written for the New York Times, the Washington Post, the Houston Chronicle, Complex, Rolling Stone, Teen Vogue, Wired, BuzzFeed, The Guardian, them., Time Ideas, New York magazine’s Vulture, Salon, The Atlantic, NPR, Comedy Central Online, and numerous additional outlets.

In the past, you could find Michael in his most natural state on The Cynical Ones, a humor blog filled with commentary on politics, pop culture, and personal anecdotes. The Root once named Michael named one of the Best Black Bloggers to Know . ESSENCE magazine named him one of the top #BlackTwitter voices to follow.

His work has been referenced everywhere from The Weekly Standard to Jezebel to MSNBC and even been deemed required reading for courses at Harvard University. Michael has also been featured on MSNBC, NPR, BET, VH1, CBS News, Viceland, SiriusXM Radio, in addition to various radio interviews on nationally syndicated programs.

He is currently working on his second book I Don’t Want To Die Poor, which chronicles his struggles with private student loans and actual economic anxiety.

Reviews

[Traci Thomas · Rating 4 out of 5]

I’ve read all three of Arceneaux’s books, this is my fave. It’s got so much vulnerability and depth on top of the humor. It really shows his growth.

[Sierra · Rating 3 out of 5]

comedy books never really make me laugh, but this one made me laugh - and cry (not from laughing so hard)

[Rissa · Rating 4 out of 5]

As an “aging millennial “ I feel seen! I am a huge fan of this author. He is so candid and funny. He is so relatable.

The pandemic, childhood trauma, and grief are just a few topics from this book. He has a way of discussing heavy topics with humor and he always shares what he learned from each one.

Thank you Michael Arceneaux, Harperone, and NetGalley for this ARC in exchange for an honest review.

[Me, My Shelf, & I · Rating 3 out of 5]

A series of memoir-like essays reflecting on his life: of being a critic, of being the Token Black Guy, of being failed by the government both due to race and due to covid fumbling, of the remarkable strides made for gay rights during his lifetime and the constant threats that they'll be taken away.

While memoirs are definitely not my preferred genre, I think that he writes with a lot of heart and relatability. He also narrates the audiobook which sometimes lends a lot more oomph to his words, but occasionally results in longer than normal pauses that come across a bit choppy.

I'd say that if you like the genre, it's probably a 4. And if, like me, it's not your usual cuppa, then it's more like a 3-3.5/5.

[andrea · Rating 5 out of 5]

this book made me sob my face off

[Lemondrop Booktalks · Rating 4 out of 5]

~3.5

I enjoyed this collection of essays! At times, I felt like Michael Arceneaux told stories that really connected his personal experiences to politics, culture, and society at large. Now that it has been a few years since lockdown, it was interesting to hear about it in such detail and prevalence.

At the same time, some essays felt too personal and reflective of his past novels that I felt a little out of the loop and confused. Not that they were bad - the writing was great! I just personally did not connect.

An overall enjoyable read. I would recommend as audiobook if you want a nonfiction just about life and experiences (especially around Covid-19). I think I will go back and read his other novels as I feel like they might have a more centralized plot rather than this one.

[Jennifer · Rating 4 out of 5]

Thanks to GoodReads and their reading challenges for pushing me out of my comfort zone and prompting me to read a book I might not select for myself. I picked up this book as part of the Black History Month reading challenge.

I hadn’t been familiar with the author prior to picking up this book. I found his book quite an education in black culture. Parts of the book were lighthearted and funny. Like I had never heard the of the song “Swag Surfin’” but I got a kick looking it up and listening to it. Totally escaped me that this was such a popular song.

Another educational aspect was learning Gen Z’ers refer to their elders as “people born in the 1900’s.” Yikes! I’m older than the author but this made me shudder. I will have to ask my Gen Z nieces about this. (They better lie to me and tell me they don’t say this.)

Other parts of the book made me sad. Like hearing the author express reservations about buying a house because houses in black communities don’t often hold the same value as those in white communities.

I read this book in the backdrop of the current administration gutting DEI initiatives. And today the headline news story is that the top US general and Navy chief were fired in an unprecedented purge of military leadership. These changes are alarming to me. It makes me fear for the black community even more. They are Americans too.

To throw back to a song from “people born in the 1900’s” is the song “Free To Be…You and Me.” That came out in 1974 and seems just as relevant today, maybe even more so.

Finally, thanks to the author for enlightening me to things that I was blind to. So thankful for books!

[Lizzie · Rating 5 out of 5]

I enjoyed Arceneaux’s second book, so when I saw he had come out with a new one I decided to pick it up! I really enjoyed these essays. I appreciate the honesty and vulnerability with which he writes. I like his sense of humor and it provides some light to some heavier topics. I also enjoyed reading about his experiences as a native Houstonian and how his relationship with the city has evolved with age and the pandemic. Some favorites include Better to Cry Now Than Never, I’ll Give You My Last, Taking My Own Advice, and Uncle Mikey.

[Madison · Rating 3 out of 5]

It was okay, Not the best book I've ever read, but I understood it. Maybe it was the writing style or the tone. I just personally don't think this book was for me. I might try another one of his books later on though.

[Kaela · Rating 5 out of 5]

4.25⭐️

You are probably thinking I read this because the author is a gay black man and I am a white woman. I actually read this book because my sister recently told me to buy some Jordans, then I saw this book title and thought; "huh, even this guy bought some Jordans so I better see what else he does." I had never heard of Michael Arceneaux, nor did I do ANY research going into this book. I would like to say to the author - I started reading for the Jordans, but I really appreciated your perspective during the pandemic, as a millennial, in this political climate. Thanks for the interesting read.

[Jackie Yosick]

Reflective. Honest. Uneven.

I Finally Bought Some Jordans has thoughtful moments and sharp observations about growing up and identity. I appreciated the humor and honesty throughout.

I picked this from the Black Heritage Achievement list for the Winter Reading Challenge. For me it was a bit uneven, and some parts held my interest more than others. An okay read overall.

[JR · Rating 4 out of 5]

4'5 ⭐️

This is a great essay collection.

My first book by Michael Arceneaux but not the last, that's for sure.

[Kevin Taylor · Rating 2 out of 5]

Essayists can be a somewhat self-indulgent lot. You have to be to believe that you can sprinkle enough of your insight, humor, and perspective into (often banal) subjects and transform them into something interesting. Arceneaux provides many of the right ingredients and crafts mostly successful yet not entirely satisfying essays.

Many of the essays are set during the height of Covid; the fractious interactions between Arceneaux and his barber, checking into a roach-infested Airbnb, or being forced to use a plastic bag in place of a working toilet. These are great central ideas that would have worked even better if Arceneaux had dialed up the humor or enlivened the essays with more stimulating writing.

Arceneaux is mostly sympathetic and likable in his more personal essays but less so when he turns his gaze to the public arena. He has met, and locked horns, with several famous folks and when he serves the tea it is seldom sweet, but it is also rarely hot. He engages in thinly veiled cattiness, as is his wont, and appears positively incredulous when the victims of his social slings and arrows choose to block him. Kevin Hart, he explains, waited too long to publicly apologize for his faux pas. At least Hart tried. The closest Arceneaux comes to apologizing is to fess up to his tactless bon mots while offering little in the way of remorse.

[nourah · Rating 2 out of 5]

Writing style isn’t for me
it felt too “online article” & millennial

plus i didn’t find myself caring for the topics bc i didn’t understand what the theme was supposed to be?

granted i stopped 17% in, but i didn’t feel like waiting for it to grow on me cause the beginning didn’t hook me at allll it was such a drag

[Maya · Rating 3 out of 5]

Meh. Easy but I didn’t really feel anything or learn much from reading it.

[Larry H · Rating 4 out of 5]

“No matter how bad things get, if I feel my hair is together, I believe more firmly that I can deal with what is thrown at me.”

Can I get an amen? I believe I’ve actually spoken these words (albeit less articulately) before, because I do feel better when my hair doesn’t look like an overgrown shrub.

As it was with his first essay collection, I Can’t Date Jesus , Michael Arceneaux imbues his writing with sly humor, wry observations, rich emotions, and thought-provoking ideas. There were definitely instances throughout this book when I felt truly seen, and identified with the feelings he was expressing.

Whether he’s talking about the realization that trolling celebrities on the internet sometimes comes back to bite him, his fear that no one would show up to his book signings, his working on his relationship with his parents during the pandemic, or finally feeling secure enough financially that he can splurge every now and again, Arceneaux is thought-provoking and at times either side-splittingly funny or poignant.

Sometimes an essay collection is a great change of pace for me, and I’ve found some great writers over the last few years. If you give this a chance, you may find yourself wiping away a tear one second, and laughing out loud the next. I don’t know about you, but that’s what makes reading fun for me!

See all of my reviews at itseithersadnessoreuphoria.blogspot.com.

Follow me on Instagram at https://www.instagram.com/getbookedwithlarry/.

Check out my best reads of 2023 at https://itseithersadnessoreuphoria.blogspot.com/2024/01/the-best-books-i-read-in-2023.html.

[Ryo · Rating 4 out of 5]

I received a copy of this book for free in a Goodreads giveaway.

I haven't read Michael Arceneaux's previous work, but this book made me want to. It's an essay collection that covers a wide range of topics, many of them related to the pandemic and the author's personal journey in navigating it. Maybe because it was such a strange time that is still pretty recent, I especially appreciated the pandemic stuff, because it was a reminder of all the craziness we went through not too long ago, and the author's feelings of fear during the pandemic were so relatable. The relatability extends throughout the essay collection, covering a wide range of topics including renting questionable apartments, complicated relationships with your parents, dating during the pandemic, and much more. I appreciated the light, humorous tone throughout that didn't feel overbearing. Even when talking about serious things like politics, the author's style made the material approachable and digestible. This may be an issue with this advance reader copy, but there are a lot of places where there's an excessive number of words and phrases italicized, to the point that it was distracting because it felt so out of place. Hopefully that gets fixed in the final version. The occasional choppy style of having many short, one-paragraph sentences was at times jarring, with it feeling like the author was just throwing sentence after sentence at me without many transitions, but overall, I enjoyed this essay collection.

[Mr G williams · Rating 5 out of 5]

A Hilarious and Insightful Ride

Michael Arceneaux's latest book, "I Finally Bought Some Jordans: Essays," is a delightful journey through his witty and perceptive observations on life. As a fan of Arceneaux's previous works, diving into his third book felt like catching up with an old friend, and I thoroughly enjoyed every moment of it.

Arceneaux's writing effortlessly blends humor, intelligence, and creativity, making each essay a joy to read. From navigating the complexities of relationships to tackling societal issues with sharp insight, Arceneaux's voice shines through, keeping readers engaged and entertained throughout.

What sets Arceneaux apart is his ability to tackle serious topics with a refreshing dose of humor, making even the most challenging subjects approachable and relatable. His writing is both thought-provoking and laugh-out-loud funny, a rare combination that keeps readers eagerly turning the pages.

"I Finally Bought Some Jordans" showcases Arceneaux's growth as a writer, demonstrating his versatility and depth. Whether he's reflecting on his personal experiences or offering commentary on broader cultural trends, Arceneaux's voice remains authentic and compelling.

Overall, I thoroughly enjoyed "I Finally Bought Some Jordans." Michael Arceneaux proves once again why he is a standout voice in contemporary literature. Funny, smart, and endlessly creative, Arceneaux's latest book is a must-read for fans old and new. It's a pleasure to see him continue to evolve and excel with each new release.

[KELLY HYATT · Rating 4 out of 5]

Damn good writer! Really tells a story with humor, compassion, and honesty. I cannot understand much of his writing because I was neither born black nor gay, but his view and explanation of certain situations has me thinking how truly blind I have been! In his story ‘Insurrectionists Have Roaches’ he speaks of an AirBNB owner who is polite and reasonable but as soon as the air changes becomes detestable and arrogant. I cannot stop thinking about this story because he speaks of the insurrectionists that attempted a coup at the Capitol and how they attacked security and police officers. Carried nooses, chanted “hang Mike Pence”, and many more disgusting images that we have all already forgotten about because we live in America and we have had 100+ wild and crazy situations happen since then to focus on. He brought up a very valid point… “what do you think would have happened if this would have been an all black crowd with nooses and signs and chants threatening the speaker of the house and the vice president of the United States? Like I said, I wasn’t born black, so this was never something I thought of but gosh damn it… why didn’t I?!? Bravo for making me think Michael Arceneaux! How naive can we be? Relationship advice. Climate change. The importance of forgiveness. Being a good human to people in customer service rolls. It’s simple but he crushed it.

[Tasha · Rating 4 out of 5]

Made me laugh
Made me cry
It's kinda weird to rate essays but this is a solid 4 star

A lot of this book is about the pandemic and that fall out and this is the first book I've read (listened to) that really tackled the sheer f*ckery that was the pandemic. It's wild that (those of us who survived) all lived through the same time but had such varying experiences. It especially hit me when he talked about the fireworks being shot off - which the news highlighted as a postive thing - but that it went on and on at all hours of the night and that he would constantly hear sirens because he lived not far from a hospital. When he talked about being one of the few people who were masking in so many environments and about the people who were still dating like it was just another day that ended in Y. There are some blazing verbal daggers in this but this book also has a lot of grief in it. I typically only do essay collections from women/femme authors so this was a departure for me. The author reads the audiobook and I'm still not sure how I feel about his delivery - though who better to read it than the man who wrote it?!

I laughed, I cried, I would def read this author agian.

[James · Rating 2 out of 5]

Scattered, mix of entertaining/not entertaining.

I didn't read his first two books and read this one primarily because other books I wanted were unavailable. Not terrible, but nothing to rave about. Talent-wise, a couple rungs below Saeed Jones and R. Eric Thomas, but also not as likeable nor as erudite.

One bright spot - his experience of the winter storm that hit Texas during late winter 2021. I had been home in MT then, between visits to the state, so it was really cool to read about someone's experience there at the time. I was in Austin afterward.

A lot of the writing mostly leans toward the negative, but not in a keeping it real way, like other writers who are his peers. It just feels ugly and maybe a little envious. Like he has the mic, so who can he take a swipe at while he does? No thanks, especially when he does it to other marginalized people. He needs to listen to the late George Carlin on punching down if he thinks he's trying to be funny.

Overall, not very cohesive. Scattershot. Could skip.

[lisa · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is the third book Michael Arceneaux has published, and while I like all of them somewhat, this one was my favorite. Arceneaux has always been a less funny, more vapid version of Samantha Irby, and in this book he seems to be embracing this to its full extent, which made its reading more enjoyable. (He states several times that his friends refer to him as a "cute curmudgeon".) In this book he is more upfront about his family dynamic, although oddly vague about some things in his friendships; I think if he thinks he has no business writing about something than he shouldn't write about it. It's incredibly frustrating to get half a story, then be told "oh, it's not my place to tell this story, sorry, I won't tell you the end." I also liked the last few chapters where he talked about aging as a Millennial. Aries season 2024 will soon be upon us, so happy early 40th birthday to you, Michael Arceneaux. May your 40s be awesome!

[Derek Siegel · Rating 4 out of 5]

I'm such a big fan of Michael Arceneaux, so I was glad to finally get my hands on his latest book (my first audiobook version, narrated by the author, which is always special). Other reviewers have summed up what makes "I Finally Bought Some Jordans" so compelling, including Arceneaux's signature humor, candor, and pop culture references. My favorite chapters typically centered on his professional journey and relationship with various family members. I like the overall theme of (queer) aging and becoming the person he wants to be. It's not that I didn't like the more Political Chapters TM or disagree with Arceneaux's perspectives, I just found them less compelling and overall wish there was more continuity between the chapters (which was also what I said in my review of "I Don't Want to Die Poor"). Grateful to the author for sharing so much of himself with us, & wish him the best.

[Juan A. Ramirez · Rating 4 out of 5]

initially thought the state of the world had gotten to Michael; that his wit and humor had gone the way of our waning future. to a certain degree, it has, and this collection lacks the levity of his previous efforts, which I read at the start of the pandemic. of course, that was a different him, different me, different world. we're all different; a bit, if not a lot, sadder. but Michael's clarity and begrudging optimism is lovely as ever, and the back half of essays reveal a profound strength I found immensely moving. of his three books – all worthwhile – this one's less the boozy conversation you sneak off to have during a day party, more the sobering mid-dusk discussion as you decide whether to continue on with the night. he does, and so should we.

[Terri-Leigh Hawkins · Rating 4 out of 5]

I chose this book for a black heritage challenge and I can’t relate to many of the struggles in the book because ultimately I’m not a gay black man living in America; however what a book.

I don’t think I have highlighted so many phrases of a book. It made me stop and think so many times. I’m so glad I’ve read this and as a British half gay white woman who’s suffered with depression and anxiety I can only grasp the bare minimum of struggles for black humans in America in this day and age.

I think the chapter on being nice to service workers will change the way I go forward. I SHOULD call people out on being unkind to others even if I don’t do it myself I’m not innocent if I’m not acknowledging the wrongs of others around me.

What an amazing, impactful and touching book.

[Latiffany]

I don't rate memoirs or personal essays, but I Finally Bought Some Jordans is a five-star read. My only disappointment is that I didn't get to preorder this book. I love supporting Arceneaux. I believe I first heard of him on Twitter. I know I followed him there, and his tweets were enough for me to preorder his first book immediately. His work will break your heart and make you laugh out loud. This collection felt lighter, probably due to where the author is in his personal life. He's still incredibly open and willing to share his personal fears. This selection of essays is balanced and, overall, a good read!

[Katie · Rating 3 out of 5]

This was my introduction to Michael Arceneaux and I enjoyed his writing style, his narrative performance, and his insight on various topics in pop culture, family, and life. I struggle when listening to a collection of essays or short stories because there does not feel like enough time for reflection between each essay; the narration usually powers straight through to the next one. I did appreciate the scope of topics covered and how influential his family was in his upbringing and navigation through the pandemic. His sense of humor is relatable and witty. I would be interested in reading more of his works!

[Andrew Murphy · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wow. Michael’s astuteness, wit, cultural criticisms, and heartfelt anecdotes all appear in different ways. Certain themes — grief, persistence, hope, healing — undoubtedly reappears, as do many topics (loss, identity, hardship). The essays reveal a writer who clearly understands he’s talented and wants to share his gift with the world while understanding the world might not have a place for any of us at the rate it’s heading, much less someone like him.
The book brings you to tears at times. He does an outstanding job of conveying emotions, experiences, and thoughts without always needing a lot of words. Everyone everywhere should read this book.

[Steven Nolan · Rating 4 out of 5]

Michael Arceneaux never misses. It’s been a real joy to read his essay collections every few years and see how his life and perspective develops. His humor only gets sharper with time, and it’s so up my alley. I’m particularly curious to see how he navigates writing about the loss of his mother, especially given the time period he wrote this set of essays.

The only issue is that I feel I’ve developed a friendship with someone who doesn’t know me and would look at me sideways if he read this lol

[Brody Herman · Rating 2 out of 5]

2 stars
I want to start by saying that I am definitely not the target audience of this and I listened to it as an audiobook.
With that being said, I enjoyed getting to hear the insight of someone who has lived a much different life than I ever will. I wasn’t however, a fan of the overly political stories and large emphasis on Covid-19. Also, the variety of subjects seemed to be very random. Unfortunately, I will continue to swag surf. I do like and agree with his positive mindset near the end about making everyday good.