Too Much

by Tom Allen

'An extraordinary portrait of a son navigating his way through grief and loss in real time. Funny, candid, and measured' GRAHAM NORTON

Happily settled in a new relationship and with a dream house of his own, comedian Tom Allen had finally moved on from the arrested development of millennial life and could at last call himself an adult.

But when his father died suddenly in late 2021, Tom's newfound independence was rocked by a fresh set of challenges, and he began to find solace in the past (and his new vegetable patch). Told through snapshots from Tom's busy life - whether reflecting on the campness of funeral customs, muddy lockdown walks in unsuitable footwear or just reminiscing on his childhood obsession with Patricia Routledge - Too Much is a hilarious joyride of stories as well as an emotional ode to Tom's beloved dad, and a touching manifesto on how to navigate the complexities of grief.

With moving honesty and wit, Tom writes beautifully about those days, weeks and months following his family's loss, and about how bewildering the practicalities of life can be in the wake of an upheaval - those moments, really, when everything can start to feel a bit too much...

'Hilarious and poignant' JO BRAND

Genres: Nonfiction, Biography, Audiobook, Memoir, Autobiography, Comedy, LGBT

320 pages, Hardcover

First published November 10, 2022

Reviews

[Louise Bath · Rating 5 out of 5]

NB: This would've been a much better and more coherent review if I wasn't dogtired and I didn't have to get the book back to the library tomorrow!

As with Tom Allen's previous book No Shame, I was shocked by how much I identified with his inner dialogue, way of thinking, and how he saw the world as a child and as an adult. If anyone ever wanted to know how I thought as a child and, indeed, as an adult, I'd direct them to these two books. It's staggering and extraordinarily strange to see yourself reflected in a book like this.

At the start of 2021, all was going blissfully well for Tom Allen. He'd recently moved into his own house, he was in his first serious relationship, and at last felt like a proper adult. Life was still constricted by the necessity of staying safe from Covid, but he was happy and contented. And then in late 2021 Tom's father died unexpectedly, and everything changed.

Anyone who's been bereaved, especially if it's the loss of a parent, will recognise what Allen writes touchingly about the aftermath of a death; not just the endless administration, but the visits from older friends and relations who suddenly revert from their normal selves back to being vulnerable, frightened children.

Allen decided to write a series of diary entries/vignettes of stories about his adored dad as a way of coming to terms with his terrible loss. With each chapter headed by a quote from his dad, Allen explores his relationship with his father as a way of attempting to come to terms with his grief and its complexities.

Funny and honest, but never mawkish or maudlin, this is an often emotional and relatable account of the practicalities and rollercoaster of emotions that follow in the wake of a death.

However, don't be put off by thinking that Too Much is a book to be avoided because of its subject matter. Yes, it's a book about the aftermath of a bereavement, but it's so much more about life; Tom's father emerges as a loving, devoted dad who in turn is loved by his devoted sons, Tom and James.

A recommended read with some terrific stories.

[Samuel · Rating 4 out of 5]

Do yourself a favour and get the audio. Hilarious.

[Bill · Rating 5 out of 5]

Comedian Tom Allen's second book is another glimpse into his life & it's just as good as No Shame, which he published in 2020.
Too Much starts with Tom writing about the death of his father & he tells many stories of their life together. This book obviously has plenty of humour in it, but Tom Allen also comes across (as he did in No Shame) as a genuine & sincere person.

[Eddie Moxon · Rating 5 out of 5]

Mixed grief and humour brilliantly and gay

[Chris Jolliffe · Rating 5 out of 5]

Absolutely loved this book. Everyone who idolised their parents whilst growing up should read this. From the funny awkwardness of Tom's first encounter with the sauna to meeting the Queen at the Chelsea flower show. Funny and poignant.

[Lydia Bailey · Rating 4 out of 5]

Listened on audio- a really humorous take on life & death!

[Dylan Kakoulli · Rating 3 out of 5]

An entertaining -if slightly repetitive listen.

2.5/3 stars

[Sarah AF · Rating 4 out of 5]

It was an almost jarring experience listening to the audio version of this book. Tom is so incredibly charasmatic, his delivery always hitting the right notes and it almost ran counter to the subtlety of the sentiments of Tom working his way through his grief over the loss of his father. What I realised though was that *that* was absolutely the point. Living with his father, learning from his father, still hearing the echo of his voice laid down some of the core foundations that made Tom the man that he is today.

The subtlety of this book was so pitch perfect. Throughout a series of moments in Tom's life, you can feel the presence of his father even when he isn't present at all and how that presence left such a massive hole in both his life and his family's. It was a tone of an outpouring of love and, in many ways, farewell that only Tom could put out into the world and I loved the humour that came through, even with the vastness of grief, reflecting that without those moments the grief would never exist in the first place.

[Alex · Rating 4 out of 5]

I feel like this was mostly a brilliant book that for some reason they decided to expand to be a little longer than it needed to be. The framing around Tom's dad was beautiful and funny and moving - the opening and closing chapters especially. However, there were a couple of chapters in the middle (travelling to New York and Japan come to mind) that felt a little unrelated and disconnected, and then felt like there was an attempt to shoehorn in a thematic connection when it might have been nice to just stick to the things that connected more directly.

Still - I really enjoyed reading it, both for the moving but beautiful tributes to his dad, and also the stories that made me laugh out loud (something I find very difficult to do when reading.)

[Flapper72 · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was another of those books that I stumbled upon and ended up being one of the most enjoyable books I have read in a long while it, literally, had me laughing and crying. Tom Allen's Dad has died. He almost pays his own tribute to his Dad. Their relationship that they had, the unquestioning love they had for one another (in a practical, working class way on Tom's Dad's part) and something that felt so personal, loving and something I could relate to. It's a wonderful book about someone dealing with the pain of grief when a parent dies.

[Rachel Leonard · Rating 2 out of 5]

listened to on audio. I like Tom Allen and this was a lot of Tom Allen....so all to the good. felt like he was trying a little to hard to be funny in parts and occasionally I would have liked him to do a bit of research around his subject - but I guess it is his memoir, so his research is...umm...him?

[Christine · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is probably the best book I have read so far this year. Tom Allen, after the sudden death of his father, looks back over their life together and his love shines through every word. It really has everything, it made me laugh, it made me cry and it made me think.

[Carol Gardiner · Rating 4 out of 5]

Enjoyed reading. Thought this book was good to show anyone felling they don’t fit in that there is always a place for you to just be you.

[Debra Purdy · Rating 5 out of 5]

I love Tom Allen this was a very funny and moving book.

[Turnip · Rating 4 out of 5]

Touching. Love his humour.

[Stefan Szczelkun · Rating 5 out of 5]

An ode to the working man, his wisdom and integrity.
In turns moving, funny and witty.

[Meg Scarbie · Rating 4 out of 5]

luv him

[Jack · Rating 3 out of 5]

this is what happens when you use all your good stories in book one

[Ria · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was such a beautiful book, Tom Allen’s examination of grief was raw, unflinching, hilarious at times and devastating at others. The memories he shares of his father and how he coped with losing him are beautifully and thoughtfully told, you can really sense this book helping him process such a momentous change in life.

[Bexar Smith · Rating 5 out of 5]

Amazing

[Vikki · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book about Tom Allen’s relationship with his recently deceased father is a bit confusing. Several chapters were perfect, beautifully written, and had me in tears. And the rest of it felt like filler. 5 stars for the good chapters, 2 for the rest.

[Gareth Jones-Jenkins · Rating 5 out of 5]

In the words of Jo Brand Hilarious and poignant

[Clare Bateman · Rating 4 out of 5]

Tom uses a series of short stories to share his journey of managing grief after the death of his father. His stories are honest, emotional, funny and relatable. He is both genuine and sincere, and if like me you have lost a parent, you can probably see your grief and it’s journey reflected in his words.

This is not a challenging book to read after the loss of a parent but is almost refreshing, and a lovely tribute to Tom’s beloved father.

This statement made me laugh because I identified with it so much:
Chapter 9 - “Losing a parent is the moment when you truely become an adult. There are other markers of course, turning 18, living away from home, learning how to drive. But none feel as profound as the moment you realise you no longer have the grown up protection you had when you were a child.”

This part made me cry as it is highly identifiable in grief and sad:
Chapter 10 - “The things I did say, and more painfully the things I was unable to say, play over and over again on the movie projector in my head, tinged at times with terrible regret.
These arguments and discords can never be undone now. They were our relationship, our family, our time together despite their faults. But still perfect in their own way. Like a social media page in my mind, these moments will always be there, frozen in time. Imperfect. Perfect, actually”.

Tom’s dad was an avid gardener and tried to teach him a thing or too, which Tom was never too keen on. But when his dad died, Tom turned to gardening to deal with his grief and wished he’d paid more attention to his dad’s lessons. This resonates with me so much, as this was also me and my mum:
Chapter 11 - “He is right here in the vegetable patch, in the time I make to spend with my new families, in the things he said to me, repeating in my head - you can never have too much love.
I had run away but here in the garden he’d found me, and found me no longer a boy but now a grown up man, myself.”

[Eburd · Rating 1 out of 5]

A tribute to his beloved father.

A one time read filled with cherished memories by a son about his beloved father.

I only gave it one star because although it's a lovely idea to dedicate a whole book of memories to a loved one, maybe it should have been a programme instead of a 240 page book?

[David · Rating 2 out of 5]

It wasn’t bad some funny moments but I read his first book and this just seemed like a collection of stories that didn’t make the cut. Was a lovely tribute to his dad though and an easy read was just hoping for more

[Natalie · Rating 4 out of 5]

I knew I loved Tom a long time ago. And then I discovered he loves a parmo. Well, this Teessider will forever love you now Tom !! Always happy to take you to Manjaros for the best in Teesside.

Also, the book is great. Really funny and beautiful and sad.

[Cris West · Rating 3 out of 5]

Tom Allen is a very funny man, and his last book was great. This one felt rushed, and more like a private diary about his life without his dad.

Sad, but not necessary.

[Tara McKibbin · Rating 3 out of 5]

A funny, touching, easy read

[Janine Urquhart · Rating 3 out of 5]

I'd obviously seen Tom Allen many times on TV (difficult to avoid him) but doing stand up and presenting, I'd also seem him going a live stand up which was fun. He seems to be a popular interviewee as well and appears on lots of shows. Through being interviewed he is always very open about his background and uses his parents frequently as material for his comedy.
It was sad to hear that his father died not long after Tom had moved out. We all have some degree of grief in our lives and it is always interesting to see who someone else deals with theirs.
Clearly the book was a cathartic process for the author and having the opportunity to write a book looking at his relationship with his Dad is a lovely thing to do.
The author's voice comes through very clearly and there are some wonderful phrases that I can imagine as part of a stand up act. My problem with the book is that the anecdotes are not developed enough. I finished the book knowing about some things that had happened but not enough about his feelings and emotions.
It's an easy book to read and anyone with an interest in Tom Allen will get along OK with it. If you don't know him then it's not worth reading as the narrative isn't deep enough to be of any interest.

[Alison · Rating 4 out of 5]

Tom Allen made me cry!

As this book began with the death of the author's father, I wondered if it was the right one for me. For, I, too, recently lost a parent and immediately recognised the stages of shock and grief described. Would it be too hard to bear the story of another's grief?

It was worth continuing...the audio book is read by Tom, and although 'performed' (it is typically Tom Allen, which is a joy), his reading adds to its authenticity, nuanced with gentle inflexion.

From being thrown into an unreal reality: the surreal nature of sitting in an undertaker's, choosing a casket, previously unimaginable, to the stages of reflection, recrimination, and acceptance, Too Much, is a story of bereavement, maturity and continuance.

I recognised the parallels and found myself laughing at Tom's descriptions, the weird and the wonderful, the happy and sad, a recollection of moments; some far from perfect but always bound by love.

Ultimately, this is eulogy, but one that is honest and forthright. Allen reflects on his father's attitudes and behaviours have shaped him, how the parent and child relationship evolves (while in some ways remains the same) and how life goes on....while keeping the memory of loved ones alive.

4.5