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True Friends
‘It's hard to know exactly when the friendship with Gina ended. It could have been when the sudden text message from her arrived, or it could have been a slow slide out of favour that I willed myself not to see. What matters is that it did end, and I don't know why.'Friendships are among the most important relationships in our lives, often outlasting love affairs, marriages, even, at times, family connections. The loss of a friend can be one of life's most disturbing events, yet these ‘friend break-ups' are little acknowledged in our culture. In True Friends, acclaimed author Patti Miller recounts the joyful making and then painful ending of a long, close friendship. It is a deep and influential relationship in her life, but when it inexplicably unravels, Patti is left searching for answers. As she tries to make sense of this ending, Patti considers other important friendships throughout her life, questioning who we are drawn to, what we really know of each other and why some friendships endure while others end. Evocative and intimate, this engaging book brings together the personal and the universal and reminds us of the centrality of friendships in our lives.
262 pages, Kindle Edition
Published March 29, 2022
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Displaying 1 - 18 of 18 reviews
April 9, 2022
In the wake of a particular friendship break-up, Patti Miller decided to write about it because she realised that friendship break-ups, while experienced by almost everyone at some time or other, are painful, and rarely written about. But she soon realised that there was a bigger story to be told about friendship. Through thinking about several friendships throughout her life she observed that we have a range of different friendships, that none of them are the same, but that all are significant in their own way. She also explores the role played by memory in constructing the stories we make about our friends, and the importance of friendship in all our lives. Written in the fine, precise prose we have come to expect from Patti's books, True Friends will resonate with readers, because like Patti, we've all had true friends, and many of us have also been through the bewildering experience of a friendship break-up.
October 30, 2022
DNF
Patti Miller in this book, is using the breakup of a friendship to provide an analysis of friendships. However, she doesn’t really manage to successfully pull it off. The book is pretentious, patronizing and long winded. Patti Miller uses “The Epic of Gilgamesh” as the foundation for her theories on friendships, but tends to use too many generalisations. In addition to Gilgamesh, she also discusses other philosophers and writers such as: Prost; Montaigne; Robert Graves; and Ralph Waldo Emerson, but with little depth or insight, so it is almost a “look at the writers that I have read”. In the text Patti Miller uses neuroscience to describe what happens to our brain with memories. This was over done and made the book hard to follow. It was as if again, she was sowing us how smart and well read she was. The narrative was haphazard and with no real structure which made the book hard to follow.
I read the first 4 chapters of this book and then just skimmed the rest. I do think that as a friend she was perhaps more blunt and offensive in her comments and opinions than she actually realised. This would be possibly quite hurtful and destroy many friendships. The book is littered with examples of these destroyed friendships, and Patti Miller’s lack of real understanding about human feelings.
One of the things that I did struggle with was “The Epic Of Gilgamesh”. This is a Sumerian tale written about 6000 years ago about friendship between 2 men and I think that it is a huge stretch of the imagination to suggest that this has any relevance for friendships between women in the 21stC. We are so very different in our: culture; societal structure; and just as human beings, that this really isn’t relevant.
Patti Miller in this book, is using the breakup of a friendship to provide an analysis of friendships. However, she doesn’t really manage to successfully pull it off. The book is pretentious, patronizing and long winded. Patti Miller uses “The Epic of Gilgamesh” as the foundation for her theories on friendships, but tends to use too many generalisations. In addition to Gilgamesh, she also discusses other philosophers and writers such as: Prost; Montaigne; Robert Graves; and Ralph Waldo Emerson, but with little depth or insight, so it is almost a “look at the writers that I have read”. In the text Patti Miller uses neuroscience to describe what happens to our brain with memories. This was over done and made the book hard to follow. It was as if again, she was sowing us how smart and well read she was. The narrative was haphazard and with no real structure which made the book hard to follow.
I read the first 4 chapters of this book and then just skimmed the rest. I do think that as a friend she was perhaps more blunt and offensive in her comments and opinions than she actually realised. This would be possibly quite hurtful and destroy many friendships. The book is littered with examples of these destroyed friendships, and Patti Miller’s lack of real understanding about human feelings.
One of the things that I did struggle with was “The Epic Of Gilgamesh”. This is a Sumerian tale written about 6000 years ago about friendship between 2 men and I think that it is a huge stretch of the imagination to suggest that this has any relevance for friendships between women in the 21stC. We are so very different in our: culture; societal structure; and just as human beings, that this really isn’t relevant.
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April 7, 2022This is a fascinating and well-written memoir about memory and female friendship, which may be as passionate as romance, and even more devastating when it breaks, but is rarely talked about in literature and mythology.
August 14, 2022
Upfront disclosure I have taken a writing course with Miller in Paris some years ago. (That is a story in itself).
After reading through the first chapter, or was it 2...I skipped most of the text and skim read.
It jumps all over the place. To be honest, Miller didn't hold my interest. Perhaps she is a 'certain age' and reflecting on friendships. She is quite open however not very insightful. A friend Gina is ill, and they go through ups and downs, but at one stage Miller is texting her once a week when the woman has said she needed space. Stalker, much? There have been issues over the years, and this is obviously enough for Gina who is saving her energy for a few. Miller makes it about her.
I also didn't get the constant Gilgamesh references (so what, first story of friendship? The world has CHANGED). She also throws in Proust, Brueghel, Montaigne, Robert Graves....and so many more. Was this to make her sound erudite? She certainly tries hard to project this. For me, it makes her sound elitist and exclusionary. (The Paris and France name dropping - yawn - and for someone who claims an affinity with Paris, the places she recommended and we went to were all touristic, nothing of the 'real Paris').
Nothing insightful, a brief nod to the 'neuroscience of friendships' but I learnt nothing new. To be honest, I couldn't have cared less about her friendships and her viewpoint.
Not sure how it got published, could have been a short article.
After reading through the first chapter, or was it 2...I skipped most of the text and skim read.
It jumps all over the place. To be honest, Miller didn't hold my interest. Perhaps she is a 'certain age' and reflecting on friendships. She is quite open however not very insightful. A friend Gina is ill, and they go through ups and downs, but at one stage Miller is texting her once a week when the woman has said she needed space. Stalker, much? There have been issues over the years, and this is obviously enough for Gina who is saving her energy for a few. Miller makes it about her.
I also didn't get the constant Gilgamesh references (so what, first story of friendship? The world has CHANGED). She also throws in Proust, Brueghel, Montaigne, Robert Graves....and so many more. Was this to make her sound erudite? She certainly tries hard to project this. For me, it makes her sound elitist and exclusionary. (The Paris and France name dropping - yawn - and for someone who claims an affinity with Paris, the places she recommended and we went to were all touristic, nothing of the 'real Paris').
Nothing insightful, a brief nod to the 'neuroscience of friendships' but I learnt nothing new. To be honest, I couldn't have cared less about her friendships and her viewpoint.
Not sure how it got published, could have been a short article.
September 26, 2022
“True Friends” by Patti Miller is a heartfelt and reassuring examination of how we develop, maintain, remember, and dissolve friendships. Miller reflects on her personal experiences of friendship over the years, especially her relationship with Gina. Miller describes every element from start to finish, describing with raw emotion, her self-doubt when things went wrong, and her hours spent ruminating about what she may have done or said, or not said.
Miller describes the process of recalling details of her relationships, and how her memories are somewhat fictional constructs based on her internal beliefs about friendship, her ideal view of the people in question and inaccurate recall of events. She describes how her memories are clouded by numerous variables and an internal retelling of the facts. Miller references The Epic of Gilgamesh and the many variations of this tale of friendship to help demonstrate how recall can alter over time. This proved to be an interesting example to me personally, as I recall reading/hearing a variation of this story as a child, but have no recollection of when and how I heard it.
“True Friends” had me examining my own friendships, my impressions of them and how we interact. I cannot recommend this book highly enough. It is thought-provoking and talks to the heart of anyone who has ever wondered about the loss of a friend. Simply brilliant. I received a copy of this book in exchange for a fair and honest review.
Miller describes the process of recalling details of her relationships, and how her memories are somewhat fictional constructs based on her internal beliefs about friendship, her ideal view of the people in question and inaccurate recall of events. She describes how her memories are clouded by numerous variables and an internal retelling of the facts. Miller references The Epic of Gilgamesh and the many variations of this tale of friendship to help demonstrate how recall can alter over time. This proved to be an interesting example to me personally, as I recall reading/hearing a variation of this story as a child, but have no recollection of when and how I heard it.
“True Friends” had me examining my own friendships, my impressions of them and how we interact. I cannot recommend this book highly enough. It is thought-provoking and talks to the heart of anyone who has ever wondered about the loss of a friend. Simply brilliant. I received a copy of this book in exchange for a fair and honest review.
November 2, 2023
Patti Miller, in her memoir True Friends, is puzzled and saddened when her friendship with Gina ends. She and Gina had met in the Sydney suburb of Balmain in 2003 and Miller knew instantly that they would be friends.
The friendship, conducted across continents, was intense and absorbing but it did not last.
Wounded but dogged, Miller attempts to repair the irreparable. When that quest fails, she seeks to understand what lies behind her recognition that: ‘What matters is that [the friendship] did end and I don’t know why.’
To reach an understanding, she mines her entire ‘friendship history’: ‘I want to see, in the end, how these friendships have made me, the ones that have abided and those that haven’t.’ What follows is an exploration of Miller’s varied friendships (school friends, university friends, hippy friends, writing friends, friends of friends), and a deep dive into the ancient Epic of Gilgamesh and its account of the friendship between Gilgamesh and Enkidu.
Miller realises that, over the course of her life, her friends ‘have told me who I am … They have moulded me, polished me, chipped at me, reflected me, changed me.’
At its core, True Friends is Miller’s meditation on friendship, with all its commensurate joys and pains.
In my blog post ‘When Friendships Fracture’, I reflect on the path Miller took and link it with Padraic Suilleabhain’s fractured friendship journey in the 2022 movie The Banshees of Inisherin: https://tessawooldridge.com/2023/09/1...
The friendship, conducted across continents, was intense and absorbing but it did not last.
Wounded but dogged, Miller attempts to repair the irreparable. When that quest fails, she seeks to understand what lies behind her recognition that: ‘What matters is that [the friendship] did end and I don’t know why.’
To reach an understanding, she mines her entire ‘friendship history’: ‘I want to see, in the end, how these friendships have made me, the ones that have abided and those that haven’t.’ What follows is an exploration of Miller’s varied friendships (school friends, university friends, hippy friends, writing friends, friends of friends), and a deep dive into the ancient Epic of Gilgamesh and its account of the friendship between Gilgamesh and Enkidu.
Miller realises that, over the course of her life, her friends ‘have told me who I am … They have moulded me, polished me, chipped at me, reflected me, changed me.’
At its core, True Friends is Miller’s meditation on friendship, with all its commensurate joys and pains.
In my blog post ‘When Friendships Fracture’, I reflect on the path Miller took and link it with Padraic Suilleabhain’s fractured friendship journey in the 2022 movie The Banshees of Inisherin: https://tessawooldridge.com/2023/09/1...
May 21, 2022
True to its name, True Friends, a memoir by Patti Miller, delves into the intricacies, joys and pain of friendship. Patti Miller frames her story with an example of a relationship that ended badly. She springboards from this into many other significant friendships she’s experienced from childhood through to today.
Her refreshing honesty, both about the fallibility of memory and in assessing her own role in the rise, and in some cases the demise, of various relationships makes this an enjoyable and thought-provoking read. It certainly made me examine the various bonds I’ve formed throughout my life and would spark brilliant book club discussions.
Patti postulates that friendship breakups aren’t given enough airtime, and her book gives us the opportunity to start to rectify that.
Her refreshing honesty, both about the fallibility of memory and in assessing her own role in the rise, and in some cases the demise, of various relationships makes this an enjoyable and thought-provoking read. It certainly made me examine the various bonds I’ve formed throughout my life and would spark brilliant book club discussions.
Patti postulates that friendship breakups aren’t given enough airtime, and her book gives us the opportunity to start to rectify that.
October 31, 2022
There were interesting stories and observations in this book but it was a bit of a patchwork affair that didn’t hold together in the end. It’s essentially about the breakdown of one particular friendship but there are other tales woven through it that aren’t particularly relevant to the main story, most notably a mythological tale that makes repeated appearances and serves only to hold up the narrative.
There are some thoughtful insights into the flawed nature of memory but I found the book overall quite laboured. I also found the author’s premise that much is written about romantic relationships that end, but not friendships, flawed.
There are some thoughtful insights into the flawed nature of memory but I found the book overall quite laboured. I also found the author’s premise that much is written about romantic relationships that end, but not friendships, flawed.
September 18, 2022
https://denisenewtonwrites.com/?p=3789
True Friends
Patti Miller
I have enjoyed every book by Patti Miller that I have read, and this one is no exception. It is a book to savour, one that made me laugh and sigh in recognition, and that I continued to think about long after I’d closed the cover.
True Friends
Patti Miller
I have enjoyed every book by Patti Miller that I have read, and this one is no exception. It is a book to savour, one that made me laugh and sigh in recognition, and that I continued to think about long after I’d closed the cover.
January 19, 2023
Reading Patti Miller's book, True Friends, made me feel as though I was catching up with a friend. Her telling of the gradual ending of a friendship, woven with the threads of other friendships, remind us that all friendship is precious, no matter how fleeting.
I also appreciated the exploration of memory: its bottomless cache of inspiration, and its fallibility. I particularly liked a phrase on page 14, 'Memory is the first storyteller'.
I also appreciated the exploration of memory: its bottomless cache of inspiration, and its fallibility. I particularly liked a phrase on page 14, 'Memory is the first storyteller'.
July 25, 2025
The only reason I finished this was because it’s being discussed at a bookclub meeting tomorrow. It’s taken over 3 weeks to read and I am so glad I borrowed it and didn’t waste my money on it.
Miller comes across as an absolutely insufferable friend. To be honest, I don’t blame Gina at all. Being friends with Miller sounds like incredibly hard and draining work. She’s opinionated, judgmental and the writing is pretentious.
Miller comes across as an absolutely insufferable friend. To be honest, I don’t blame Gina at all. Being friends with Miller sounds like incredibly hard and draining work. She’s opinionated, judgmental and the writing is pretentious.
June 30, 2022
A judicious bit of editing would have gone down well here. This is a tiny bit too long and repetitive. And I am not sure the constant references to Gilgamesh were needed. The arbitrary rule that you can’t count relatives as friends was also a bit weird. But overall I found this interesting. I found much to recognise and relate to.
October 9, 2022
Felt like I was reading about myself, different worlds and people but same experiences and confusions and my failings and insecurities, incredibly honest and generous book that holds up a mirror for all of us. And, of course with Patti Miller, so beautifully written and evocative of place and atmosphere and personalities. A true story.
February 28, 2024
DNF - It's been a long time since I decided to give up on a book. It wasn't that I couldn't get into it. It was truly tedious and long winded. The author is self aggrandising and lacking in any self awareness. For what claims to be a book about female relationships, I can't see past the never ending referrals to the Epic of Gilgamesh. Absolute nonsense.
October 28, 2025
I looked forward to this ---having enjoyed other memoirs by Patti Miller. However her story was interspersed with the story of Gilgamesh---time and again---losing sight of the primary narrative for many pages. It became too difficult for me. DNF.
5/10
5/10
July 30, 2022
The writing felt disjointed, almost staggered. There narrative has no fluidity and the characters' stories felt descriptive and superficial.
April 16, 2023
Thought provoking book about friends and how they influence our life.
November 10, 2022
Read my full review on my book blog here:
https://bound2books.co/2022/11/10/tru...
https://bound2books.co/2022/11/10/tru...
Displaying 1 - 18 of 18 reviews