I've Had to Think Up a Way to Survive: On Trauma, Persistence, and Dolly Parton

American Music Series

by Lynn Melnick

A moving and essential exploration of what it takes to find your voice as a woman, a survivor, an artist, and an icon.
 
The first time Lynn Melnick listened to a Dolly Parton song in full, she was 14 years old, in the triage room of a Los Angeles hospital, waiting to be admitted to a drug rehab program. Already in her young life as a Jewish teen in the 1980s, she had been the victim of rape, abuse, and trauma, and her path to healing would be long. But in Parton’s words and music, she recognized a fellow survivor.  
 
In this powerful, incisive work of social and self-exploration, Melnick blends personal essay with cultural criticism to explore Parton’s dual identities as feminist icon and objectified sex symbol, identities that reflect the author’s own fraught history with rape culture and the arduous work of reclaiming her voice. Each chapter engages with the artistry and impact of one of Parton’s songs, as Melnick reckons with violence, misogyny, creativity, parenting, friendship, sex, love, and the consolations and cruelties of religion. Bold and inventive, I’ve Had to Think Up a Way to Survive gives us an accessible and memorable framework for understanding our times and a revelatory account of survival, persistence, and self-discovery. 

Genres: Memoir, Nonfiction, Music, Feminism, Biography Memoir, Mental Health, Biography

264 pages, Hardcover

Published October 4, 2022

About the author

Lynn Melnick is the author of the memoir, I've Had to Think Up a Way to Survive: On Trauma, Persistence, and Dolly Parton, from the University of Texas Press's American Music Series/Spiegel & Grau Audio (October 2022). The paperback is available now from Spiegel & Grau.

She is also the author of three poetry collections, Refusenik (2022), a finalist for the National Jewish Book Award, Landscape with Sex and Violence (2017), and If I Should Say I Have Hope (2012), all with YesYes Books, and the co-editor of Please Excuse This Poem: 100 Poets for the Next Generation (Viking, 2015).

Her work has appeared in APR, LA Review of Books, The New Republic, The New Yorker, The Paris Review, Poetry, A Public Space, and the anthology Not That Bad: Dispatches from Rape Culture.

She has received grants from the Cafe Royal Cultural Society and the Hadassah-Brandeis Institute. A former fellow at the New York Public Library’s Cullman Center for Scholars and Writers, and previously on the executive board of VIDA: Women in Literary Arts, she currently teaches poetry at Columbia University and Princeton University. Born in Indianapolis, she grew up in Los Angeles and currently lives in Brooklyn.
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Reviews

[Olive Fellows (abookolive) · Rating 5 out of 5]

Gorgeously written and deeply moving! (Also was a particularly good audiobook, read by the author.)

[Aaron Anstett · Rating 5 out of 5]

Frank and moving memoir by poet Lynn Melnick about survival, the healing powers of art, and just how kickass Dolly Parton is. I now want to make a playlist of the table of contents and read every book in this UT Austin series.

[Angie Schlater · Rating 4 out of 5]

Well. This was both easy and hard to read. Its a bit academic. It’s a LOT of music analysis. It’s Dolly Dolly Dolly.

I am a huge fan of Dolly Parton. She is complicated, fantastical, and predictable. Until she isn’t. She emanates kindness. Her music transcends time. This is a story about how her music helped someone survive.

“Survival, like pain, lives in the body. Survival is in the telling of it. Survival is in the stories.” (P 256)

It’s so important to tell our stories. It’s just as important to read other people’s stories and bear witness to them.

[Keybo · Rating 1 out of 5]

I think I’m struggling with the Why if this book. Why should I care about the author’s experience with Dolly?

As a southerner it is hard to care. I have heard Dolly my whole life, I have my own interpretations of her music. It’s also hard when you don’t agree with the author’s interpretations of her songs.

The author inserts her experience as a way to analyze the music but that doesn’t work here. Especially for Jolene. The author goes on and on about “well I’ve never had jealousy issues.” Okay…cool?
My interpretation of Jolene is that it is internal dialog more than a conversation. Does this matter enough to be made into a book? Further, does the author’s analysis of the song have anything to do with the song or just her experience. Again I will state: why should this matter to the reader?

I think the concept is really cool and I enjoyed some of what I read but it’s too personalized. It would go into graphic detail down to the date so and so in her life was born when which Dolly song came out. This context didn’t matter in my opinion. It was shoddy scaffolding to connect more to Dolly.

If this book were greatly shortened and a little more removed (felt para-social and strangely like profiting off Dolly) then I would have enjoyed it more!

Something else that irked me was when the author didn’t understand the meaning of a Christian lyric. She goes to ask her Catholic friend about it. Now I’m not sure about Dolly’s affiliation but she ain’t raised a catholic, I’ll tell you that much. The south has its own breed of Christianity that even we have to analyze the rest of our lives. I think the combo of that and that a non-Southern has written this book really made me defensive from the get go.

[Lisa Lewis · Rating 5 out of 5]

In a memoir brimming with beauty and pain and exquisite writing, Melnick weaves together her own experiences as a mother and a survivor with her love for (and incredible knowledge of) Dolly Parton's music and life story. Melnick deconstructs the lyrics and musical composition of Parton's songs, drawing parallels to her own life, as she traces the arc of Parton's life and career and her enduring role in American culture (even as it's shifted over the years). As Melnick so aptly writes, "[Art] bores a tunnel between our hearts and minds and still refuses to solve any of life's riddles, just leaving a tender pathway."

[Christine LaBatt · Rating 4 out of 5]

A book of essays that ties Dolly Parton songs into various themes on life, especially related to trauma and perseverance. Each chapter is a different Dolly song, allowing the reader to create their own playlist of sorts. Overall, I enjoyed this book. I do think there were chapters that were better than others. A few felt thrown in because the author really loved that song and not so much for its theme. However, it is still worth a read, especially for fans of Dolly.

I received my copy from Netgalley in exchange for a honest review.

[Jody Keisner · Rating 5 out of 5]

Lynn Melnick's writing is a true joy to read: her prose is eloquent, soulful, and intellectual. In I've Had to Think Up a Way to Survive, Melnick finds parallels between Dolly Parton's life and her own and in their shared experiences of sexual assault, trauma, and unfortunate life circumstances (or choices). Above all, though, this is the story of two women with the resilience needed to seek out their own happiness and affirm their own worth. An unforgettable memoir.

[Aileen Weintraub · Rating 5 out of 5]

This incredibly raw and honest memoir about processing and surviving trauma is such a beautiful read. Melnick had me hooked from the start and I love the way the way she braids Dolly's life and experience with her own on her road to healing. This book is about so many things but at the core it is about acknowledging our worth.

[L.L. Kirchner · Rating 5 out of 5]

attention all lovers of pop culture – read this book

Like most everyone alive today, I’m intrigued by Dolly Parton. But that isn’t what drew me to this book. No mix writing is beautiful, and the links she makes between her own experiences, and the way Dolly Parton has moved through the world is extraordinary. There is so much food for thought in these pages.

[Celerah · Rating 4 out of 5]

I cannot say enough about how beautifully Lynn Melnick weaves her story and trauma with the pervasive persistence of Dolly, with a huge acknowledgment of how music can carry us in even the darkest times.
Intense, but meaningful, the book starts off with some dark reflections, but the author’s love of Dolly shines through with every moment/song that she dives into.
**lots of triggers in this book to look into if you want to know more before reading.

[B · Rating 2 out of 5]

this unfortunately just didn't work. it was mostly a dolly parton biography, which is fine, but it was false advertising. it doesn't seem like the author did much digging to deal with her traumas, because she talks about them in such a removed way and doesn't let us into them at all, or how dolly even relates to her story. it's fine if you don't want to excavate your demons for the public, but then simply, don't write a memoir about them.

[Jan Wollet · Rating 4 out of 5]

I'm a big Dolly Parton fan which drew me to this book. Beauty and pain wrapped up. I found myself singing the songs in my head while reading.

[CHAD HADEN · Rating 5 out of 5]

That was heavy but moving

[Reader · Rating 5 out of 5]

Amazing. I absolutely devoured this book and you should too.

[Monica · Rating 5 out of 5]

Such a powerful memoir!

[Jana Eisenstein · Rating 5 out of 5]

I started this book with a very limited knowledge of or appreciation for Dolly Parton (other than her literacy and public health efforts, and her championing of the Mexican Pizza). Lynn Melnick's memoir has made me a fan of Parton as a musician and a woman. As a child who experienced trauma, Melnick writes of the moment that changed her trajectory - a Dolly Parton song that played as her parents checked her in to rehab. The song imbued her with the strength to get through the program and make a serious effort to change her life. Her story draws beautiful parallels between Parton's struggles and Melnick's own pursuit of health and happiness, highlighting songs that were impactful in both of their lives. Much like Parton's "Steady as the Rain," Melnick's memoir reads like a sad banger and will leave you with a sense of catharsis - "the feeling of triumph in the face of adversity."

I highly recommend everyone read "I've Had to Think Up a Way to Survive" whether you're a Dolly Parton fan or not. You will be by the end of this book.

[vanessa · Rating 3 out of 5]

There is nothing particularly wrong with this book. I just felt at arm's length whenever the author told stories about her own life. Obviously, this book is about what she is comfortable sharing and I also haven't read her poetry where she might've explained these situations already. But hearing shorthand about when she went to rehab, about the "man who threw the bookcase at her," the rabbi that took advantage of her, and other tidbits like that I felt left behind. There are other stories she tells more fully, about being a mother of young girls turning into young women and what they face, about her husband Timothy... those stories were great. I liked learning about Dolly: stories about how she has positioned herself to survive in show business this long as well as the mistakes she has made. The analysis is interesting, but not lifechanging. I think this needed to be more memoir and less Dolly Parton for it to really gel together.

[Jackie · Rating 2 out of 5]

Yikes, what a weird book.

I was lured in by the mention of Dolly, but instead what I got was kind of a weird and ultra depressing super fan who talks a bit about Dolly, and then mentions a song and waxes on and on about how she felt about it and tries to make it relate to her own life. I understand wholeheartedly that we all relate to music, but oof. This felt very unsettling and weird to me.

I did enjoy that it wasn't just blind adoration for the legendary music star, but the whole thing was really drug down by weird and vague mentions of things she "doesn't want to talk about" but then beats to death the rest of the book.

This one is a hard pass for me.

Thank you NetGalley and OrangeSky for sending this book for review consideration. All opinions are my own.

[Kyra Leseberg (Roots & Reads) · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is a curious mash up that somehow manages to work: Lynn Melnick details her personal history of trauma/addiction/motherhood/abusive relationships while exploring country music legend Dolly Parton’s life and career.
How does it work? I don’t know, but I enjoyed listening to this audiobook in the car over a week of running errands and work.

For more reviews, visit www.rootsandreads.wordpress.com

[Markie · Rating 3 out of 5]

"I've Had to Think Up a Way to Survive: On Trauma, Persistence, and Dolly Parton" by Lynn Melnick is a powerful and introspective collection of essays that intertwines personal narratives, cultural analysis, and the profound influence of Dolly Parton. Melnick's exploration of trauma, resilience, and the role of art in healing creates a compelling and thought-provoking reading experience.

The book delves into the complex nature of trauma and its enduring impact on individuals' lives. Through her own experiences and reflections, Melnick delves into the challenges faced by survivors and the ongoing process of healing and reclaiming one's narrative. With honesty and vulnerability, she invites readers to confront the complexities of trauma and the ways it shapes personal identity.

Melnick's incorporation of Dolly Parton as a central figure throughout the essays adds a unique and intriguing layer to the book. Parton's music, persona, and personal journey serve as a source of inspiration and solace for the author. Melnick skillfully weaves anecdotes and analysis of Parton's life and work, highlighting her resilience, authenticity, and ability to create meaningful connections through her art.

The strength of "I've Had to Think Up a Way to Survive" lies in Melnick's powerful prose and her ability to navigate sensitive topics with grace and nuance. She examines cultural narratives surrounding trauma and the prevailing expectations placed on survivors, challenging societal attitudes and fostering a deeper understanding of the complexities involved.

Melnick's writing is evocative, introspective, and filled with raw emotion. Her exploration of trauma and its aftermath is complemented by insightful observations about art, music, and the ways in which they can act as vehicles for healing and self-expression. The book encourages readers to find solace in their own creative pursuits and to recognize the transformative power of art in processing and transcending trauma.

While the essays focus on deeply personal experiences, the themes of resilience, self-discovery, and the search for meaning are universally relatable. Melnick's introspection and vulnerability allow readers to connect with her words on a profound level, creating a sense of empathy and shared humanity.

"I've Had to Think Up a Way to Survive" is a remarkable book that blends memoir, cultural analysis, and a tribute to the enduring spirit of Dolly Parton. Lynn Melnick's skillful storytelling and poignant reflections create a narrative that explores trauma, resilience, and the power of art in healing. It is a book that encourages introspection, fosters empathy, and reminds us of the transformative potential of storytelling and shared experiences.

[Shellie Kalinsky · Rating 5 out of 5]

In her memoir, I’ve Had to Think Up a Way to Survive: On Trauma, Persistence, and Dolly Parton, Lynn Melnick frames her own painful experiences with in-depth study of the ebb and flow of Dolly Parton’s music and Parton’s public and political persona. The book also examines rape culture and the objectification of women in the United States. By weaving the personal and the political, Melnick shows how she healed from repeated traumas, despite living in a world that regularly objectifies and exploits women’s bodies.

Melnick’s story structure is unique. Each chapter is titled with a Dolly Parton song, the year and the album in which it was released. The length of each song is listed (minutes and seconds). Melnick explains how each of the songs and years were significant in Melnick’s own life. We learn on the first page that she went through physical and emotional trauma, and she is seeking to understand what happened and how it was allowed to happen. She uses Dolly Parton’s life and music as an objective correlative, of sorts, to tell us what happened to Melnick and what it all means. The first time Melnick heard a Dolly Parton song from beginning to end, she was fourteen and in the process of being admitted to a drug rehab program. Melnick abused substances and acted out as a result of having been violated as a nine-year-old girl. The heartbreaking detail that she was raped while wearing her Strawberry Shortcake shirt and hand-me-down pants is viscerally painful.

Melnick explains in her book that she could only write about her story after she had reached a place of safety in her adult life. She shares intimate information about several abusive situations, then zooms out to question how women are able to find and maintain self-worth in a world where rape culture is so pervasive that it seems more women have a #MeToo story than those who do not have one. How can this be the reality of our world? Dolly Parton’s own confidence and self-awareness guide Melnick’s quest to understand and recover. She digs into the strange polarity of issues surrounding bodily autonomy for women, and studies Parton’s words in interviews, books and lyrics to try to better understand her own sense of self.

Melnick’s research and writing skills are evident as she toggles from her personal story of trauma, to examination of Dolly Parton’s catalog of work, then to the wider question of what it means to be a female in today’s society. She describes the extremely painful process of navigating misogyny, being repeatedly abused, and finding ways to recover and thrive. Ultimately, this is a true story of resilience.

Thank you #NetGalley and #Spiegel & Grau for an ARC.

[Michelle · Rating 3 out of 5]

“...Months later though, I still haven't worn it because it feels like something I bought in an airport from nowhere in itself. Why is Dolly's Closet trying to convince me that Dolly would ever have any Chicos hanging in hers? Is it a token thing? We can have one painted lady we respect, but good Lord, that's it? The rest of respectable womanhood could admire Dolly, but heavens no, they won't dress like her. Dolly understands objectification and sexism sharply. She knows how to resist it, but she also knows how to go with it for money. She knows her body and clothes sell records, but she also knows that her fans have little intention of making a joke or spectacle of their own selves.”

“Jealousy is enmity prompted by fear. Envy is enmity prompted by covetousness. In her book The Possession, which is about the aftermath of a love affair, Annie Ernaux writes, “It wasn't the other woman in the end whom I saw in my place, it was me the way that I never would be again–in love and sure of his love, on the threshold of everything that hadn't yet taken place between us.” To be always threatened by other women is to suggest other women are always out to take what's yours and recognizably yours. That they even want it. That they are never true to you or themselves. That they are reduced to a thing that is sexy and will take. The speaker pleads with Jolene that her happiness rests on what Jolene decides.”

“Modeled after the biblical coat Joseph wore, an ornate robe made for him by his father igniting his sibling's jealousy, the garment was fraught for Dolly too, though via her classmates, not her sibling. Nine years old and attending the two room Caton’s Chapel school, she was among the poorer students and her classmates mocked her coat. When she refused to take it off, they accused her of having nothing on underneath. She did not in fact have anything on underneath, she was too poor for more than one layer, and they locked her in a closet. That ubiquitous photo of sweet little, short-haired Dolly in her famous coat in her school picture–she's smiling through tears.”

Dolly likes to keep moving. “It would be hard for me to work at a sit-down job, so to speak,” she told Phil Donahue, “And I admire the people that can do it.” Dolly wrote the song 9 To 5 during her considerable downtime between scenes on set, and rather famously used her acrylic nails as percussion to emulate the sound of a typewriter.”

[Katie · Rating 4 out of 5]

I am a relative newcomer to Dolly Parton fandom, in large part due to her recent canonization as a pop culture icon and beloved generally good human being. I've really been enjoying this resurgence of Dolly love in media criticism, including the NPR podcast Dolly Parton's America and Sarah Smarsh's essay collection She Come by it Natural. I've Had to Think Up a Way to Survive fits comfortably alongside this corpus.

This essay collection weaves personal essay, pop culture criticism, and music history (chiefly, Dolly Parton's expansive career), structured by the author's Dolly Parton playlist. Each track in the playlist serves as an entry point to each essay. Melnick tracks her history of trauma with her long-time love of Dolly Parton's music, describing how certain songs helped her through these flashpoint moments, and examining how her relationship to these songs have shifted over the course of her life, while also tracking the ways in which her experiences briefly overlap with those of Parton's. These essays are deeply personal and vulnerable, emotionally honest, and thoughtfully moving. Much like Dolly's life and work, these essays are vibrant and defiantly joyful. What a gift to be able to identify so strongly with one's hero.

I received a copy of this book from the publisher via Netgalley in exchange for an honest review.

[Jo · Rating 5 out of 5]

If you're looking for a sign to pick up this book, let this review be your sign. As a person healing from trauma and a huge fan of Dolly Parton, this book felt like a warm hug.

I've never read Melnick's poetry before (I sure will now) so I was new to her story, which is woven beautifully throughout the book. This is part memoir, part biography, part cultural critique- and it worked perfectly.


Melnick gives the appropriate amount of shine for Dolly's incredible songwriting abilities, the way she sings with such feeling that is hard to replicate, and her sheer perseverance. I love Parton, but she is not above critique or criticism and I appreciated that the author didn't sugar-coat or shy away from her more glaring choices (the dolly parton stampede, her long-held aversion to feminism, etc) but also put them in context, and discussed where she is now on all the issues.

Overall, this book is a story of dealing with the (sometimes incredibly shit) hand life has dealt through music (all Dolly-- each chapter themed around a Parton song) and finding joy.

To Lynn if you read your reviews-- thank you for writing this book. It found me exactly when I needed it.

[Shanna Altrichter · Rating 4 out of 5]

As a fellow Dolly Parton obsessive, I really enjoyed a lot of this book by Melnick. I am new to her work so I wasn't familiar with some of her own work (poetry) that she was referencing, but didn't need to in order to appreciate her story and the lessons she's learned as they intertwine with the work of Dolly. Structured as a song list of some of her favorite Dolly songs, this book serves both as a telling of some of the important points in Melnick's life as well as a history and music lesson of the songs themselves and the life and other work of Dolly Parton. I feel like I learned a lot and I appreciated the vast amount of research and work that went into this book. As someone who appreciates listening to D0lly but does not know much about songwriting, instrumentation, or lyric or poetry writing, I will say that the book dragged in some places and I don't think I really understood it sometimes. Some of the music and instrumentation terminology was a little lost on me. But overall I thought this was a fascinating book, a great way to tell one's own story through an interesting lens, and a love letter to Dolly that any fan such as myself would love.

[Amanda · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a tough read. Melnick has been through a lot of trauma in her life, and she doesn't shy away from sharing it in this book. But it's also clear that she's done a lot of healing, and her writing is authentic and powerful. One of the most unique things about this book is the way Melnick uses Dolly Parton and her songs to process her trauma and her life. Each chapter is named after a different Dolly Parton song, and Melnick uses the song as a springboard to explore different themes, such as violence, misogyny, creativity, parenting, friendship, sex, love, and religion.

I loved the way Melnick used Dolly Parton in this book. She's a big Dolly fan, but she doesn't shy away from Dolly's more human aspects. For example, she talks about Dolly's hesitancy to label herself as a feminist, and the problematic themes in Dollywood. I appreciated this honesty and nuance.
Overall, I highly recommend this book to anyone who is interested in trauma, healing, or Dolly Parton. It's a powerful and unique read.

[Jesse · Rating 5 out of 5]

I was unfamiliar with Lynn before reading “I’ve Had to Think Up a Way to Survive,” but I’m supremely glad that my obsession with Dolly, and all things related to her, led me to Lynn and her writing. As a longtime, Dolly super fan, it is a rare experience to encounter someone that can speak about Dolly as seriously, reverentially, and candidly as I desire her to be spoken of—thankfully, Lynn did not let me down. Lynn’s genuine love of Dolly is on full display in “Survive,” but so too is her thoughtful, and often inspiring, analysis about trauma and persistence. You may come for Dolly, but you’ll stay for Lynn’s insight into survival and all the complexities and pain that come with continuing to live. Lynn, through Dolly, has given me lots to think about. “I’ve Had to Think Up a Way to Survive” will remain on my bookshelf as a staple for many years to come, as I return and add to the many notes I scrawled in the margins, thinking up my own ways to survive.

[Claudiaslibrarycard · Rating 5 out of 5]

I've Had to Think Up a Way to Survive is a beautiful nonfiction and memoir blend about Dolly Parton and the author. At first glance Lynn Melnick seems an unlikely Dolly fan, but is that even possible? Don't most people love Dolly? And this book looks at why we love her without being overgenerous. Melnick is honest about Dolly's flaws and what makes her exceptional.

Told in chapters titled after Dolly's songs, Melnick begins each section with information about that song and its background and then moves into how the lyrics or context relate to her own life. Melnick began her fight with addiction as a teenager and she shares candidly what that was like and how it has impacted her as an adult.

I really loved this book and I can't help but also recommend She Come by it Natural by Sarah Smarsh which is a similar nonfiction mashup about the great Dolly Parton. Read by the author and naturally lending itself to a new playlist for you, this audiobook is not to be missed.

[Kate · Rating 5 out of 5]

I've read a lot of memoir but never one quite like this...and I loved it. The book starts with teenager Lynn in the triage room of a hospital waiting to be admitted to drug rehab and there she hears Dolly Parton's voice for the first time, which begins a new healthy addiction: to Dolly's music, life and spirit. Melnick weaves her own story around observations of Dolly's, offering powerfully astute and complex insights about gender, feminism, race, rape culture, music, creativity. While the book doesn't shy away from occasional critique, it's a love letter to Dolly, thanking her for helping Melnick to survive and thrive. This book definitely gave me a new appreciation for Dolly, and I'm listening to her music as I write this.

Killer quote: "Maybe you don't realize you're surviving until you're done doing it."

[Bethany · Rating 3 out of 5]

I would say that prior to reading this book I was a burgeoning Dolly fan. But, you know when a fan girl fans just little *too* much? Well. Lynn is president of Dolly Fan Club and a Gold Card Carrying Member of Dolly Can Do No Wrong Club.

I ended on three stars because Lynn is foremost a poet and you can tell in her word choice and writing style and it's creative and really wonderful. If I thought of this book as a series of essays I think it would be even higher rated, but all at once it was a bit too much of justification of why Dolly is Awesome (she is! I don't disagree, I don't need convinced or I wouldn't have picked up the book).

I should also note the author's unapologetic honesty in documenting her own story and her own trauma was both remarkable and heartbreaking and incredibly, incredibly brave.