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436 pages, Paperback
First published January 1, 1830

It was a dark and stormy night; the rain fell in torrents—except at occasional intervals, when it was checked by a violent gust of wind which swept up the streets (for it is in London that our scene lies), rattling along the housetops, and fiercely agitating the scanty flame of the lamps that struggled against the darkness.Here's 2014's winner:
When the dead moose floated into view the famished crew cheered – this had to mean land! – but Captain Walgrove, flinty-eyed and clear headed thanks to the starvation cleanse in progress, gave fateful orders to remain on the original course and await the appearance of a second and confirming moose.The Rest Of It
Clifford drew his chair nearer, and gazed on her, as she sat; the long dark eyelashes drooping over her eyes, and contrasting the ivory lids; her delicate profile half turned from him, and borrowing a more touching beauty from the soft light that dwelt upon it; and her full yet still scarcely developed bosom heaving at thoughts which she did not analyze, but was content to feel at once vague and delicious. He gazed, and his lips trembled; he longed to speak; he longed to say but those words which convey what volumes have endeavored to express and have only weakened by detail: "I love."That was just two sentences. Imagine, if you can, 500 pages of them! So many sentences! And so bad!
Had the fickle fist of fortune finagled a more forthright fate for that sun-born scion of sativus, who can guess what heights he may have grown to; but it was his destiny to be drowned in the vile vinegar of vicissitude, doomed to pickling in the misfortunate brine; and a fine pickle he was.Wish me luck - both to win, and to never again encounter a book by this jackass.