“We Are the Luckiest is a masterpiece. It’s the truest, most generous, honest, and helpful sobriety memoir I’ve read. It’s going to save lives.” — Glennon Doyle, #1 New York Times bestselling author of Love A Memoir
What could possibly be “lucky” about addiction? Absolutely nothing, thought Laura McKowen when drinking brought her to her knees. As she puts it, she “kicked and screamed . . . wishing for something — anything — else” to be her issue. The people who got to drink normally, she thought, were so damn lucky.
But in the midst of early sobriety, when no longer able to anesthetize her pain and anxiety, she realized that she was actually the lucky one. Lucky to feel her feelings, live honestly, really be with her daughter, change her legacy. She recognized that “those of us who answer the invitation to wake up, whatever our invitation, are really the luckiest of all.”
Here, in straight-talking chapters filled with personal stories, McKowen addresses issues such as facing facts, the question of AA, and other people’s drinking. Without sugarcoating the struggles of sobriety, she relentlessly emphasizes the many blessings of an honest life, one without secrets and debilitating shame.
Laura McKowen is the author of the bestselling memoir, We Are The Luckiest: The Surprising Magic of a Sober Life and Push Off From Here: Nine Essential Truths to Get You Through Sobriety and Everything Else. She has been featured in The New York Times, The Guardian, The Atlantic, WebMD, the TODAY show, and more.
My daughter created a wall hanging for me a few years ago. I had taken it down in one room and today, the day after finishing Laura’s book, I grabbed it to hang in my living room. The quote on the wall hanging sums up this book more than anything I could try to put into words on my own. “A hero is one who heals their own wounds and then shows others how to do the same.” - Yung Pueblo. Forever grateful, Laura.
This wasn't a bad book. My disappointment is that the description is inaccurate. Laura is a great writer and has a beautiful story to tell, but she never really delivers on the magic of sober life and why she truly feels lucky. Instead, the book speaks more of her past and her powerful story in overcoming addiction. A worthy story, but it doesn't fit the title or book description.
I was fortunate to see this book arrive as a review copy at the publication where I work. Since this appeared in my life at an exceedingly good time, I nabbed We Are the Luckiest and read it myself -- so it is as my own self, not as my editorial self, that I review it now.
This book felt to me like a fresh, honest, uplifting (but not annoyingly so -- no rosy glasses or simple solutions here, despite the "magic" in the subtitle) take on sobriety. Laura McKowan is nothing if not modern -- as the story opens, she's capitalism's front-and-center image of the Empowered Woman who seems to Have It All, but she has to liberate herself from alcohol in order to actually find out what she needed and who she was under the facade of "normalcy" that, with alcohol, she barely maintained.
I haven't read many sobriety memoirs before, but I really enjoyed reading this one. McKowan has experienced a great deal of challenges that many can relate to, from unhealthy relationships and divorce to social anxiety to career intensity to debt, and has also learned how to heal and live well with so much of that in a relatively short stretch (about five years) of sobriety. I found this both inspiring and encouraging.
I also haven't experienced substance abuse problems myself (not what most people would consider as such, anyway), but I felt this book spoke to me and my complicated feelings about alcohol / drugs in general. I am in the still-early days of no longer drinking, my way to support someone close to me whose use of alcohol has been problematic and at times harmful. Leaving behind alcohol myself, if it in any small way helps this dear one stay dry, is more than worth it. At the same time, purposely abstaining has forced me to reckon with the reasons I ever have drank, which probably isn't easy for anyone, and is not for me.
I wanted to quote from the book here, but with pre-final copy, I'll refrain. Suffice it to say that McKowan pays sufficient attention to those of us whose drinking isn't (hugely) problematic but who simply want to question why they automatically drink in some, in so many situations --who don't feel they would WANT to handle some parts of life without a drink (or other drug) or two to take the edge off. If you're ready or even curious to bring some greater awareness and self-questioning into your use of drugs, I think this is a great book to guide your curiosity in some directions worth investigating.
To say, I devoured this book is an understatement. I read it straight for 4 hours, had to take a break to work, and then went back to it as soon as I could and finished it in one day. I haven’t done this with a book in over 2 years and I read a lot of books. Laura McKowen is the most beautiful writer, with a gift in ethereal, prolific prose. I ate up her words and they flowed right into my soul. Laura has a way of making things that don’t make sense, make sense. And that’s an incredible skill for a human to have. Although this book is about sobriety, it’s also a book about growth, change, & evolution. It’s a book that teaches us that the things that break us, that we hate & curse, are actually the things that lead us to our magic, lead us home - to ourselves. Laura was the first person I found online in 2014 who was telling the truth about addiction & recovery. Ever since I found her, I’ve read every piece she has written, taken her online courses, and even participated in one of her yoga workshops and I don’t even yoga. Why? Because Laura is one of the most insightful and powerful teachers I’ve ever known. If you read this book, you will learn how she came to own that power and how all the big energy she’s held inside herself has come alive from the work she’s done in sobriety. We are the luckiest is full of wisdom, insight, & relatable content. It is one of the best reads on sobriety because it doesn’t just share a narrative; it teaches all of us how to awaken to our lives.
This was a head scratcher for me. I appreciated her honesty, which at times brought a lot of horrifying stories about the depths addiction will take you to. I think these stories are important for others to hear and admire her for sharing them. I also think she’s a good writer. My issue was the whole book felt like a love letter to alcohol. The title is also super misleading- she never explains how “we” are the luckiest, or what that really means. It sort of felt like your one friend who is obsessed with their toxic ex and cannot stop talking about them. I would much rather hear about the great things she’s learned from sobriety than rehash everything she did when she was drunk. It gave me anxiety, and I’m not sure how anyone who is questioning their relationship with alcohol could come away from this thinking sobriety is great. She genuinely seems to hate being sober. I got a lot more out of This Naked Mind and Quit Like A Woman, but if this is helping people- great! Just not for me, and I’d imagine not for other gray area drinkers.
"And here is the thing we must know about our things if we are ever going to survive them: We believe we can bury them, when the truth is, they’re burying us. They will always bury us, eventually."
I don't drink.
I never really have. I don't like the taste of alcohol and I don't like the idea of losing control and not remembering what I said or did. I also don't like the way it makes me feel in my body. It's never been a struggle to not drink for me since I dislike it enough. So alcohol isn't my thing.
But I have my own list of things. And while my list is not full of things that cause me to black out and not remember chunks of my life, its full of things that are mine and that need to be acknowledged and conquered because they are burying me.
"Not because I was committed to forever, but because I finally realized the future was built on a bunch of nows, and that was it."
While I was reading this beautifully written, raw, and honest novel, a part of me was thinking, "Well my 'flaws', my 'addictions' are nowhere near that bad. they don't harm anyone. they don't make it so I can't live my day to day life. They are harmless compared to all this."
Which is the way we fool ourselves, isn't it? Life isn't a comparison game. It's not about whose stories are the most awful, or who really deserves the biggest shame. It's not even about the stories we hold on to so that we can stay in the places we are, the places that don't serve us but are so hard to walk away from. I am not as bad as that, so I can keep doing what I do to numb my feelings, my life, my nows.
"It’s supposed to be difficult. It’s supposed to take everything you have. It’s supposed to take longer than you want and to change you, completely. This often won’t feel good when it’s happening, but nothing worth having ever does."
When you are high functioning in your day-to-day life, it's easy to write off these 'things' that get in the way, because they are not 'really' getting in the way after all. They aren't causing harm to others and why does it matter if it's not hurting anyone else?
"But you can decide—by no longer allowing the circumstances of your life to victimize you—that none of it owns you anymore. You can say, Now, I know better. Now, I know different. I am not helpless anymore. And then you can go about doing the hard work of healing. This is the singular, hard truth I come up against every day: I am the only one responsible for my experience."
And the fact is, life is not about other people. Even if it might seem so. Other people can't break me, and other people can't make me. I have to show up, I have to put in the work, and I have to build the life I want for myself.
Even though this book was about McKowen's journey with alcohol and going sober, it's about so much more than that. It's a reminder that if we want life to be a certain way, we don't get to run away from things. That the only way out is through. That our lives are our own and we get to decide how they go. That it's hard work to build the life you want. It's excruciating work. But then you get to have the biggest gift of all: the life you choose.
"To have a direct experience of life. To know its depths completely. To be enraptured in the mystery. To be the hero of my own great adventure."
This is the kind of book that reminds you that the work of life is always hard and always, always worth it.
With huge gratitude to the author, New World Library and edelweiss for an advanced copy in exchange for an honest review.
I have devoured this book. I have devoured a lot of "quit lit" in the past and there are several that I re-read every so often. This will be one of them. This book just punched me in the chest in the best possible way. When is enough enough? When you stop trying to label everything and just realize you want better. You want a big beautiful life. Laura's humor and raw, realistic view was exactly what is needed if you're struggling with that concept. There are no rainbows and unicorns and platitudes; no one-stop-shop for healing and doing better. She is real and engaging. The stories and writing are beautiful and hard and necessary. Her perception and insight left me laughing and crying and truly wanting to take a deeper look at myself. I want to take multiple quotes from the book and blow them up on big cards and hang them around my house. This book is not overly scientific and hard to follow, it's not a medical manual on addiction. It's not dark and tortured and hard to get through, making you feel like crap. It is honest, real, helpful, deep, warm, funny, heart wrenching and thought-provoking. I read it in its entirety in one sitting. I will be reading it again. And probably again.
"If something is keeping you from being fully present and showing up in your life the way you want, then deciding to change that thing is a matter of life and death. It's the difference between existing and actually living."
Glennon Doyle calls this a masterpiece and I totally agree. I've decided to make 2023 the year where I explore a more holistic approach to different areas of my life. Alcohol permeates every aspect of our lives and I wanted to read more about why that is and how we unquestionably accept it. But more so, I wanted to explore the expanding community that is chosing a sober life, which I find refreshing. This book is not just about alcohol, but really how we each may have a compulsion towards something that we think will make us feel more in control or soften our experiences, i.e. food, shopping, perfectionism. Beautifully written, honest and at times raw. It has given me much to think about.
The book falls flat. The author has a simplistic view of addiction and recovery. She is unable to see past her privileged life and the memoir is lacking in depth and intersectionality which we need when talking about recovery in this current cultural landscape.
This book annoyed the hell out of me. Sorry, I really wanted to like it. The author just seemed like a despicable person and in love with her own words. Maybe I am just taking this too personally, but my whole life I have been a good person who doesn't lie, cheat, or steal. When I married my vows were sacred. I pay my bills on time and am an empathetic person. So here is this Laura McKowen who admittedly was a shitty person smirking on the book jacket, seemingly with an adoring cadre of friends. Wow! Maybe I have been living my life wrong this whole time?
Part memoir, part beginner’s guide to “sobriety” (the author reveals at the end the she was taking Ambien every night while she wrote the book)- at times astute, at times lacking any real science of addiction (author tends to state her opinion as fact) nor true humility and actual depth. Her descriptions of her unmanageability and insane behavior while caught in the grips of alcoholism and Ambien are honest but her lack of true self awareness at times was head scratching for me. Admittedly I “read” the audiobook on this one - and was a little put off by the Brené Brown tonality and a lot of uses of the word “you” where “I” would be more appropriate. For example, “You will learn to live with it,” etc. where “I learned to live with it” would be more humble and less: I’m an expert now that I have a whopping 5 years (still a baby in recovery circles) of no drinking but still take Ambien to fall asleep every night.... Otherwise mildly decent exercise in her personal journey and resulting personal insights, especially for 20-something women perhaps thinking about getting sober and not familiar with concept. 1.5 stars
Legend ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ = Can't stop talking about/want to re-read ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ = Recommend without equivocation ⭐️⭐️⭐️ = Enjoyed and recommend with caveats ⭐️⭐️ = Finished but don't recommend ⭐️ = Hated it
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
I had high hopes for this book because I heard so many good things about it. I just finished it and I think it’s OK. There’s nothing Earth shattering about it. I’ve definitely read better books, and I’ve definitely read worse. This is one of those books I’ll read once and that’ll be that.
The first few chapters were the best part of the book, and then it seemed to trail off and drag on. It just simply didn’t keep me totally engrossed all the way through.
This is not a “how to” guide for getting sober - it is so much more than that. It’s a raw and tender look into a life that was marred by alcohol, but also a testament to the freedom and liberation and magic that comes with a secret-free, unashamed life. Whether your “thing” is alcohol or body issues or bad relationships or whatever, Laura poses questions that you didn’t know to ask yourself and finds ends to the loopholes that we all try to escape into through the telling of true stories and struggles: how she got there and how she got out, and how the work is hard but oh so worth it. It is brave, brutally honest, and breathtaking.
This was a raw, authentic memoir that I devoured in one sitting. Even if alcohol isn't your "thing" (per the book), everyone has a thing. It's not mine, I can take it or leave it, but we all have "things" because we're all human. Her experience is painful and heartbreaking to read about (especially all the times she put her daughter and herself in danger). But this books get to the heart of addiction and the road to recovery in a really sharp way.
I listened to the audiobook version, and maybe that's why I'm giving it two stars. I felt the writing to be insufferable. It also mostly glorified and opined about the magic of alcohol drinking and had little to say about why it's great to not drink. For people trying to not drink, this book seemed to dwell on how much the author wanted to drink with a little too much detail.
Self indulgent garbage and boring. This woman loves herself so much, I wonder how she pulled her eyes from the mirror to write anything. I couldn't finish the book. It's like listening to a prepubescent tween stomp her feet and throw herself on the floor for 3 hours. All the fake spiritualism, yoga and breathing...I can't. I don't understand the rave reviews. This book has nothing of value except a few shocking stories, which I am unsure if I believe anyway. I wish I could have that 13.95 and 2 hours of my life back.
A raw, gritty, unflinchingly honest memoir of the author's drinking life and journey to and through sobriety. She emphasizes that many of her thoughts, guidances, and explorations can apply to other addictions or bad habits, not just alcohol. I could definitely relate to some of her early, cringe-worthy drinking experiences, as I overindulged more than I care to remember in my teenage and young adult years. Fortunately, I seem to have found the "sweet spot" for me: I still enjoy a glass of wine, or occasionally two, but the days of drinking to the point of blackout, sickness, or hangover are behind me -- thank god. Still, there is much here to get one thinking about one's Achilles heels, be they food, drink, drugs, shopping, or anything else that can be taken too far. Highly recommended for just about anyone, because who among us doesn't have at least one vice?
(free review copy) an excellent and unflinching memoir about alcohol, addiction and becoming true to oneself. Dare I say that this is required reading for ALL, regardless of where you fall on the alcohol-consumption spectrum? Yes, I do dare say that. Read it ❤️
The book is truly moving. I wanted to drink it all in at once, but it brought out so much emotion that I had to pace myself. Very little that I’ve encountered in the recovery rooms (or anywhere) speaks directly to my heart like this. My path has been similar to the author's in many respects, but quite different in others. This book simply and powerfully captures the shame, pain and confusion of the alcoholic, before and during early sobriety. She is at her best when she honestly and openly describes inner struggle and growth; going beyond the compulsion to drink, into a clear-eyed analysis of how we relate to other people, and ultimately to ourselves. Laura gently yet unflinchingly carries us through her journey from those trying early days, to how she learned acceptance, self-awareness and self-love. How she has come to terms with both the good and evil within, the fact that we are all 'magnificent monsters'. This book, and Laura’s work in general, rings so true because it brings the language of recovery beyond AA meetings and therapists down to the specifics of everyone’s individual struggle. How she describes the milieu of her life, and her perspective on children, relationships, self and the divine are very much in tune with how people relate to the world and each other in modern terms.
Her profound description of her spiritual journey moved me to tears almost every chapter in the book. I cannot say enough about how incredible this book is, and what a gift she has shared. The book closes with part of one of my favorite poems, from Rilke. She doesn't include the last lines, but here they are:
"I am circling around God around the primordial tower and I still don't know if I am a falcon or a storm or a great song." -Rilke
We Are the Luckiest is an up-close and personal look at how alcohol can grab ahold of us and suck the very soul out of our beings - and how each of us are susceptible to its lure. Laura openly and courageously shares her deep-rooted relationship with alcohol - specifically wine - a walk many of us can relate to and are often terrified to examine. Her bravery at shining the light in the dark corners will bring our culture’s obsession with alcohol to the table of conversation -- to be looked at, acknowledged, and healed. No matter your current perception of the positive or negative effects alcohol has on your life, this is an important reality check about the destructive power of an addictive substance and how its tentacles reach places within us, and generations before and after us, that we so easily and naturally neglect to realize. Despite and because of her experiences, Laura is able to share how she looked this beast in the eye and discovered a joyful kingdom in life beyond its grasp. I highly recommend this book to anyone who is seeking to discover - and give a broader stage to - their inner truth.
I find it profoundly ironic that the book title contains the pronoun "we" when the book consists mostly of pronouns "I" and its variations "me" and "my". "We are the luckiest" is a very tiring self-biography and self-exploration with very little takeaways. I don't know what I expected but certainly not ongoing ramblings about meaningless things. It seems no readers were thought at all while writing this book. How can I relate even remotely as a person who has quit alcohol if there is nothing to grasp whatsoever? I'm glad I listened this book as an audiobook mostly while walking to work or doing chores so my time was not fully wasted. Sorry but I don't get why this book is so high rated.
Incredibly boring, and I had big expectations. The title should have been "I am the luckiest". Another me-book. If you're not looking for a self-proclaimed guru, it might be better to put it back on your shelf.
I chose to read this as I’m working with many people at various points in their sobriety journey. I wasn’t sure what I was expecting but after finishing this book, there are words, emotions, and stories that I think will always stay with me. I’ve already found myself loaning ideas and quotes from this raw and captivating book both with my patients and in my personal life.
I’ve found myself inspired to foster my wellness, presentness, and honesty as a therapist, mother, and human.
I’m so grateful Laura had the courage to share her story and knowledge. We all benefit from the transparency and hope of stories like this.
I have a hunch I’ll come back to this one and get just as much as I did the first time.
inspiring and thoughtful. I love a memoir that just stays in a short time frame and the meat of the story instead of eight chapters on childhood. this was great.
What Laura has done here is beautiful. She shares with her readers some of her experiences in the midst of addiction. Some of it is raw and heavy and that can not be lost on anyone who has experienced similar pain. Then there are the clever parts that made me smile (wink, wink, clink, clink). But ultimately what she leaves you with is this abundant feeling of how much there is to gain in sobriety. I spent so much time and energy pushing back at a sober life because all I could see then was just more loss and limitations. Reading this book is like Laura grabbing your hand, and gently telling you it’s time. She helps you embrace your humanity and in doing so, allows you to put down the shame you’ve carried. I was telling the group that read this book with me, that usually when I finish a book, there is this bitter sweetness of the really amazing story ending. But with Laura’s words, you are left with the promise of just how much more there is possible for you and your story is just beginning. Read this book! Get this book! Love this book!!!
I was lucky enough to receive a copy of this book early. There were moments while reading that I felt my breath catch in my throat. Certain lines hit me as so exquisitely true that I felt it in my gut.
It's not often that reading a book is a full body experience. This book was. While reading "We Are the Luckiest", I felt the effects in my body, my mind, and my expanding heart.
Days later, I'm still thinking about parts of Laura's journey through active abuse of alcohol to the freedom of sobriety. Her words are startling, beautiful, and easy to understand. I will not be the only one who says that they relate to Laura and her story. I will be one of many who say, "This is ME!". I think that is the mark of an artist. The ability to write in a way that vastly different people relate because the author is inhabiting a space that is fully human.
You won't regret reading this book. Even if drinking is not your thing. This book contains universal, human truths that everyone could use.
Probably one of the best sobriety memoirs I’ve read to date, and I’ve read a truckload! Laura holds nothing back. She bravely pulls back the veil of shame that shrouds alcoholism and addiction. She reveals her darkest moments of her disease, including leaving her preschool aged daughter unattended in a hotel room overnight while attending her brother’s wedding. It’s through her fearless honesty that we come to know the true nature of this disease called addiction and its power over its most tortured victims. WE ARE THE LUCKIEST chronicles Laura’s up and downhill, start and stop again journey into the surprising joy of living sober. I highly recommend for anyone whose struggled with alcohol or loved someone in the struggle. This is one that’ll live on my shelf for many years to come! Thank you, Laura, for adding your beautiful voice to the swan-song of recovery. You’ve made us the luckiest!