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Three Little Words
An inspiring true story of the tumultuous nine years Ashley Rhodes-Courter spent in the foster care system, and how she triumphed over painful memories and real-life horrors to ultimately find her own voice.
"Sunshine, you're my baby and I'm your only mother. You must mind the one taking care of you, but she's not your mama." Ashley Rhodes-Courter spent nine years of her life in fourteen different foster homes, living by those words. As her mother spirals out of control, Ashley is left clinging to an unpredictable, dissolving relationship, all the while getting pulled deeper and deeper into the foster care system.
Painful memories of being taken away from her home quickly become consumed by real-life horrors, where Ashley is juggled between caseworkers, shuffled from school to school, and forced to endure manipulative, humiliating treatment from a very abusive foster family. In this inspiring, unforgettable memoir, Ashley finds the courage to succeed - and in doing so, discovers the power of her own voice.
"Sunshine, you're my baby and I'm your only mother. You must mind the one taking care of you, but she's not your mama." Ashley Rhodes-Courter spent nine years of her life in fourteen different foster homes, living by those words. As her mother spirals out of control, Ashley is left clinging to an unpredictable, dissolving relationship, all the while getting pulled deeper and deeper into the foster care system.
Painful memories of being taken away from her home quickly become consumed by real-life horrors, where Ashley is juggled between caseworkers, shuffled from school to school, and forced to endure manipulative, humiliating treatment from a very abusive foster family. In this inspiring, unforgettable memoir, Ashley finds the courage to succeed - and in doing so, discovers the power of her own voice.
336 pages, Paperback
First published January 8, 2008
556 people are currently reading
17030 people want to read
About the author
Ashley Rhodes-Courter
9 books237 followersAshley Rhodes-Courter is the quintessential American success story. Born in 1985 to a single teen mother, by the age of 3 she was in Florida’s foster care system where she spent almost ten years being shuttled between 14 homes—some quite abusive—before being adopted from a Children’s Home at the age of twelve. Early in her life she felt compelled to advocate for herself and the other children she lived with, particularly in the abusive foster homes.
On June 1, 2003, the New York Times Magazine published her grand prize winning essay about her adoption day. She expanded her essay into a memoir, Three Little Words, which was published by Simon & Schuster in January 2008 and quickly became a New York Times bestseller. Her memoir is currently being made into a major motion picture. The book has been adopted by schools and communities as part of One School, One Book initiatives across the country.
On June 1, 2003, the New York Times Magazine published her grand prize winning essay about her adoption day. She expanded her essay into a memoir, Three Little Words, which was published by Simon & Schuster in January 2008 and quickly became a New York Times bestseller. Her memoir is currently being made into a major motion picture. The book has been adopted by schools and communities as part of One School, One Book initiatives across the country.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 1,897 reviews
February 27, 2008
I cried, I got angry and in the end, I was so proud of the author and her adoptive family.
This book reminded me that I have a bigger calling yet to attack.
Children in foster care need to be heard but the world doesn't want to listen. Therefore, I know I will one day speak on their behalf.
This book reminded me that I have a bigger calling yet to attack.
Children in foster care need to be heard but the world doesn't want to listen. Therefore, I know I will one day speak on their behalf.
March 29, 2008
I have had the great good fortune to know Ashley since shortly after she went to live with the family that ultimately adopted her. The book is the horrifying and inspiring story of her life in foster care, her cautious transition into a permanent family and her deeply provocative commentary on the state of child welfare in America. Thankfully, she has processed her harrowing childhood into some of the most powerful advocacy I have ever seen. This book is a must for anyone who cares about children but also a lovely memoir!
May 30, 2008
Given that this is the first book of a very young author, I was impressed at how good the writing was. Rhodes-Courter tells her story in a direct way, using a "show me, don't tell me" approach. The simple facts of her numerous placements, the maltreatment in some of her placements, and the negligence of some of the child protective services (CPS) authorities alone are enough to make a reader understand how angry and desolate she must have felt, and why it took a long time for her to trust her adoptive parents. (In fact, she had so many placements that when I picked the book up again after a break in reading, I had trouble remembering where she was.) She also uses dialog extensively, which keeps the read lively.
A good portion of the book is focused on the abusive foster home in which she lived for 8 months (and returned for an overnight respite visit at a later time!) Multiple maltreatment reports to CPS from teachers and interviews with the children themselves either were not investigated or not taken seriously. These foster parents, Charles and Marjorie Moss, were allegedly model foster parents who even taught foster parenting classes and were allowed to adopt several children. The only possible explanation I can think of for this - which is FAR from an excuse - is that the Mosses did not turn children away, regardless of how "difficult" previous foster parents had found a child. As Rhodes-Courter reports another foster child said, "Nobody wants me because of my temper. That's why we're all here. The Mosses take the ones nobody else wants. (p. 96)"
While Rhodes-Courter's mother was clearly negligent, she did seem to care for her and Rhodes-Courter wanted for years to be reunited with her mother. It is ironic, as Rhodes-Courter observes, that the state would pay a substantial sum over the years to have Rhodes-Courter cared for by neglectful and abusive foster parents who clearly didn't care for her, yet the state did not provide financial support to her mother.
Rhodes-Courter's story also highlights a few additional things that could be done to ease foster children's lives at least a bit. First, she was rarely or never told why she was in care, why she was being moved, or what was going on with her mother and her child welfare case, even in an age-appropriate way. Secondly, at times, no one made an effort to allow her to take a few valued possessions with her from one placement to the next (and sometimes she was actively prevented from doing so.)
The story is not all dark; Rhodes-Courter describes several teachers who mentored her, as well as Ms. Sandnes, a "primary caregiver" at a group home who was so well-loved by the children that they had to be pried off her and then tried to throw themselves under the wheels of her car when she left her job to get a master's degree.
Rhodes-Courter seems very honest in telling her story; she describes a number of instances in which she behaved very poorly toward her adoptive parents (though in a few cases, the "misbehavior" was due to misunderstanding rather than bad intentions). Clearly this book required a lot of research. Rhodes-Courter was very young when she first entered foster care, so she could not have written the entire book based on her memory alone, and she describes going through several boxes of case files and interviewing a number of her foster parents and others involved in her case.
This book is sold in the children's section of my local bookstore, but I'm not sure that's appropriate. While I think it would be a good read for any mature child and particularly for youth in foster care, I think this book would appeal to anyone interested in child welfare, regardless of their age.
A good portion of the book is focused on the abusive foster home in which she lived for 8 months (and returned for an overnight respite visit at a later time!) Multiple maltreatment reports to CPS from teachers and interviews with the children themselves either were not investigated or not taken seriously. These foster parents, Charles and Marjorie Moss, were allegedly model foster parents who even taught foster parenting classes and were allowed to adopt several children. The only possible explanation I can think of for this - which is FAR from an excuse - is that the Mosses did not turn children away, regardless of how "difficult" previous foster parents had found a child. As Rhodes-Courter reports another foster child said, "Nobody wants me because of my temper. That's why we're all here. The Mosses take the ones nobody else wants. (p. 96)"
While Rhodes-Courter's mother was clearly negligent, she did seem to care for her and Rhodes-Courter wanted for years to be reunited with her mother. It is ironic, as Rhodes-Courter observes, that the state would pay a substantial sum over the years to have Rhodes-Courter cared for by neglectful and abusive foster parents who clearly didn't care for her, yet the state did not provide financial support to her mother.
Rhodes-Courter's story also highlights a few additional things that could be done to ease foster children's lives at least a bit. First, she was rarely or never told why she was in care, why she was being moved, or what was going on with her mother and her child welfare case, even in an age-appropriate way. Secondly, at times, no one made an effort to allow her to take a few valued possessions with her from one placement to the next (and sometimes she was actively prevented from doing so.)
The story is not all dark; Rhodes-Courter describes several teachers who mentored her, as well as Ms. Sandnes, a "primary caregiver" at a group home who was so well-loved by the children that they had to be pried off her and then tried to throw themselves under the wheels of her car when she left her job to get a master's degree.
Rhodes-Courter seems very honest in telling her story; she describes a number of instances in which she behaved very poorly toward her adoptive parents (though in a few cases, the "misbehavior" was due to misunderstanding rather than bad intentions). Clearly this book required a lot of research. Rhodes-Courter was very young when she first entered foster care, so she could not have written the entire book based on her memory alone, and she describes going through several boxes of case files and interviewing a number of her foster parents and others involved in her case.
This book is sold in the children's section of my local bookstore, but I'm not sure that's appropriate. While I think it would be a good read for any mature child and particularly for youth in foster care, I think this book would appeal to anyone interested in child welfare, regardless of their age.
February 18, 2017
I like another reviewer got upset and angry at this book. And incredibly frustrated. However, it was amazing to see that by the end, the author is where she belongs, with people who truly love her. She has a accomplished so much and fought so long to be heard. This should be read.
May 30, 2008
Memoirs are my favorite books and this book is one of the reasons why. Ashley Rhodes-Courter was taken into the foster care system at the age of 3 and subsequently passed from place to place while supposedly under the watchful eyes of Child Protective Services. All the while longing for a home, a family and mostly her mother. She writes about the continued neglect, lies and abuse that she endured but also the kindness of strangers (who ultimately saved her) along the way.
Through the eyes of a child, her insightful writing clearly and honestly explains why some kids act out or sabotage their own paths. Rhodes-Courter shows perfectly the power and control adults have over the lives of children. Whether these adults are legally or biologically responsible, many are given far more rights than the children, themselves have.
All of this expertly exposed by a gifted young woman that is only twenty-two. Amazing! Occasionally, I guessed what the Three Little Words were as I read along. I was wrong, of course. After revealing the Three Little Words in the last pages, the power of this book comes full circle to remind us of the voice of the child. A great read!
Through the eyes of a child, her insightful writing clearly and honestly explains why some kids act out or sabotage their own paths. Rhodes-Courter shows perfectly the power and control adults have over the lives of children. Whether these adults are legally or biologically responsible, many are given far more rights than the children, themselves have.
All of this expertly exposed by a gifted young woman that is only twenty-two. Amazing! Occasionally, I guessed what the Three Little Words were as I read along. I was wrong, of course. After revealing the Three Little Words in the last pages, the power of this book comes full circle to remind us of the voice of the child. A great read!
October 12, 2009
The great thing about memoirs is that they are true! As a foster parent for the past 20 years I was interested in reading this story by Ashley who was placed in Florida foster care at the age of 3 and into a pre-adopt home when she was 10. In that time she had 19 foster parents before someone "chose" her. What plays over and over in my mind is that she doesn't blame her mother, she blames the state for not channeling the money that they paid to her caregivers instead of her mom who could have done better had she had more money. What she fails to understand is that her mother is dysfunctional. Money doesn't cure that. Had she terminated her parental rights sooner, Ashley may have found a permanent family younger and been spared some of those placements. Maybe it's time for a foster parent to write a book):
January 22, 2015
This is more than a memoir. It's a call to action. "Three Little Words" was given to me by a friend who applied for a CASA position. She said, "Read this book and you'll know the importance of what court appointed advocates can do for children in the foster-care system." The story kept me up late at night, yearning to see Ashley rise above her situation, fighting her way to find her voice. It left me cheering for her and outraged that so many children have to navigate such hell to find a home. This is the best kind of book-- the kind that inspires you to make the world a better place because its author shows you how.
May 30, 2009
This is one of those books that makes you wish you had the power to change the world in an instant. I must say it's a danm shame when the system neglects the neglected children. I had to sit the book aside a few times because I couldn't see past my tears.
Firstly and this is just my opinion, the kids should have been left with their mother. Not everyone is perfect and educated. Some people make mistakes, but that doesn't mean they should loose their children. As soon as their mom got out of jail the first time her children should have been returned to her. The one thing that made me angry with the mother was that she decided that she only wanted her daughter. If the mom didn't want to deal with the little boy's father she should have never had a child with him!
I understand that Ashley was damaged from all the trauma of moving from home to home and not feeling wanted, but she does seem a bit self centered. I couldn't understand the way she treated her little brother. She was the only one he had in the whole world and she doesn't seem to understand that this is why he always clung to her.
I would love to read a book about her brothers life and his feelings! If Ashley felt so rejected just imagine how rejected her brother must have felt.
I think this book should be required reading for anyone who is going to be a foster parent or work for child services.
Firstly and this is just my opinion, the kids should have been left with their mother. Not everyone is perfect and educated. Some people make mistakes, but that doesn't mean they should loose their children. As soon as their mom got out of jail the first time her children should have been returned to her. The one thing that made me angry with the mother was that she decided that she only wanted her daughter. If the mom didn't want to deal with the little boy's father she should have never had a child with him!
I understand that Ashley was damaged from all the trauma of moving from home to home and not feeling wanted, but she does seem a bit self centered. I couldn't understand the way she treated her little brother. She was the only one he had in the whole world and she doesn't seem to understand that this is why he always clung to her.
I would love to read a book about her brothers life and his feelings! If Ashley felt so rejected just imagine how rejected her brother must have felt.
I think this book should be required reading for anyone who is going to be a foster parent or work for child services.
January 1, 2016
Without a doubt Ashley had a difficult, abusive and lonely childhood. Her story was heartbreaking and at many times throughout her memoir I was tearing up. However, my issue with the book...
NOT all case workers and social workers are negligent, incompetent and useless.
NOT all foster parents are abusive, pedophiles, and in it for the money.
The system has many flaws but there are good and kind hearted people within it. I know many children don’t get to see them but they are there working hard with the children's best interests at heart. Laws and technicalities makes this difficult most of the time.
There are most definitely bad social workers and bad foster parents but NOT all of them .
I really don’t feel like Ashley’s memoir touched upon this stigma at all - it really just fed into it. I want to rate this book higher but I just can’t.
NOT all case workers and social workers are negligent, incompetent and useless.
NOT all foster parents are abusive, pedophiles, and in it for the money.
The system has many flaws but there are good and kind hearted people within it. I know many children don’t get to see them but they are there working hard with the children's best interests at heart. Laws and technicalities makes this difficult most of the time.
There are most definitely bad social workers and bad foster parents but NOT all of them .
I really don’t feel like Ashley’s memoir touched upon this stigma at all - it really just fed into it. I want to rate this book higher but I just can’t.
April 27, 2009
This author does a fantastic job of telling the world what she went through during the time she was a ward of the state. I can't begin to list all of the ways that her family, her "professionals" that were on her side, and society in general, failed her. She does a great job of it herself in her book.
This isn't the kind of book that can grab just certain kinds of people either and it isn't a "downer", despite what some may think. This woman has overcome odds that most of us have never even seen before. How she was left to fend for herself and put in known abusive homes is beyond me. There were a number of times in the book where I wanted to reach out and strangle someone. Lucky for the abusers they weren't in front of me at the time.
It's hard to read something like this and then look over at your child, who really has the world right in front of her, and know that other little babies are suffering sooo bad out there.
I can go on and on about this all day but I won't- not here anyway.
This isn't just another memouir about a little girl who grew up with problems- it's a lot more than that. If anyone thinks that the kids in these homes and in foster care in general are "taken care of" because the state has paid people to look after them- think again. And then read this. Ashley's story, along with the others she mentions, show that isn't the case at all.
I agree with Ashely on one thing- if the state had given her biological mother an ounce of help- so much might have been avoided. No one will ever know- but it is obvious- (it takes a lot for me to say this too) that her mother did care on some remote level. I have a better knowledge of drug abuse and what it does to you than some people and while some might only say that she picked drugs over her kids (she did- but there is SO MUCH more) it's obvious from Ashely's memories that the woman needed help. She may have been safer had they given her to her mother with NO help honestly. At least her mother didn't abuse her every chance she had.
It's hard to believe there are little babies laying their heads down tonight scared to wake up in the morning. What the hell does THAT say about this world?
This isn't the kind of book that can grab just certain kinds of people either and it isn't a "downer", despite what some may think. This woman has overcome odds that most of us have never even seen before. How she was left to fend for herself and put in known abusive homes is beyond me. There were a number of times in the book where I wanted to reach out and strangle someone. Lucky for the abusers they weren't in front of me at the time.
It's hard to read something like this and then look over at your child, who really has the world right in front of her, and know that other little babies are suffering sooo bad out there.
I can go on and on about this all day but I won't- not here anyway.
This isn't just another memouir about a little girl who grew up with problems- it's a lot more than that. If anyone thinks that the kids in these homes and in foster care in general are "taken care of" because the state has paid people to look after them- think again. And then read this. Ashley's story, along with the others she mentions, show that isn't the case at all.
I agree with Ashely on one thing- if the state had given her biological mother an ounce of help- so much might have been avoided. No one will ever know- but it is obvious- (it takes a lot for me to say this too) that her mother did care on some remote level. I have a better knowledge of drug abuse and what it does to you than some people and while some might only say that she picked drugs over her kids (she did- but there is SO MUCH more) it's obvious from Ashely's memories that the woman needed help. She may have been safer had they given her to her mother with NO help honestly. At least her mother didn't abuse her every chance she had.
It's hard to believe there are little babies laying their heads down tonight scared to wake up in the morning. What the hell does THAT say about this world?
March 11, 2018
This incredibly emotional memoir was tough to read, but also very inspiring. Ashley Rhodes-Courter relates her life story as a child in the foster care system. I have not had a very good perception of our current system for handling the needs of children who are failed by their biological parents, and this book sadly reinforced my views. However, the strength of Rhodes-Courter really comes through as well and saves the story from just being completely dark and depressing.
An extraordinary tale that makes me want to become a volunteer Court Appointed Special Advocate . . .somehow, we, as a society, need to do better for these innocent children who are blameless and yet suffering for the faults of others.
Finished this one in a day because I couldn't stop reading it . . .
An extraordinary tale that makes me want to become a volunteer Court Appointed Special Advocate . . .somehow, we, as a society, need to do better for these innocent children who are blameless and yet suffering for the faults of others.
Finished this one in a day because I couldn't stop reading it . . .
April 14, 2011
I hate this book. What makes the book awful for me is to know that actual English teachers are using it in the classroom. I can't imagine that there are not better and worthwhile books to read in class. I'm appalled that "beach" reads such as this one area assigned for classroom study. No wonder our students are not prepared for college. I am for more modern reads for the classroom, but it needs to have more literary merit than this.
April 1, 2009
Imagine living in fourteen different foster homes in nine years--sometimes with your younger brother, sometimes never knowing if you will see him again. Imagine yearning for your mother but never knowing when you might be able to see her. Imagine living in tight, cramped quarters with other foster kids who often taunt you and destroy your belongings. Imagine the fear of not knowing if the next placement will have nice parents, or cruel ones. Imagine never being able to trust any adult because there's never been one that truly cares. Ashley Rhodes-Courter experienced all of this and more in her time in foster care. School was her only safe haven--a place where she excelled but never got to stick around one school for any meaningful length of time. We follow Ashley through this horrible time in her life right on through to her adoption. And meeting J.K. Rowling. And meeting the President of the United States. And speaking in front of large groups, including the U.S. Senate. Ashley's courage to tell her story sheds light on the plight of thousands of foster children throughout the U.S.
I seriously couldn't put this down and read it faster than any other book in recent memory. Her story effortlessly flows and even though it is a nightmare at some points, it feels amazing to cheer her on in the end. Working in Social Services I know that not every child is treated horribly (we keep a MUCH better eye on our kids); but it did reinforce that each child is an individual, with his or her own specific set of problems. And expecting a child to kneel down in gratitude just because he or she is adopted out of the system is not only unrealistic, but unfair to the child. While I don't think that I've ever had those exact thoughts, I know that most of society (and some adoptive parents) feel that way. Ashley is not only a survivor, she is a champion. But she's also unique. Few kids in foster care get the same advantages she got from her adoptive family; and it worries me even more thinking about the kids who age out of the system and are left without any support.
I seriously couldn't put this down and read it faster than any other book in recent memory. Her story effortlessly flows and even though it is a nightmare at some points, it feels amazing to cheer her on in the end. Working in Social Services I know that not every child is treated horribly (we keep a MUCH better eye on our kids); but it did reinforce that each child is an individual, with his or her own specific set of problems. And expecting a child to kneel down in gratitude just because he or she is adopted out of the system is not only unrealistic, but unfair to the child. While I don't think that I've ever had those exact thoughts, I know that most of society (and some adoptive parents) feel that way. Ashley is not only a survivor, she is a champion. But she's also unique. Few kids in foster care get the same advantages she got from her adoptive family; and it worries me even more thinking about the kids who age out of the system and are left without any support.
December 8, 2016
19 foster homes before age 14. The sad thing is Ashley Rhodes is just one of the many kids in the United States who are taken from homes due to abusive parents or sadly, abandoned by negligent parents and put in the foster care system. This novel is a memoir and I am very happy that I listened to this book since the narrator is Ashley Rhodes, the foster child who eventually gets adopted and finds her forever family. You talk about angry. Ashley had every right to be angry as it seemed like the very system designed to protect her, failed her. Ashley's story was a success story thankfully, but the wild ride she describes will have the reader feeling a lot of emotions: frustration, bewilderment, dumbfounded, anger, embarrassed. If you are interested in this topic and you want to dip your feet into the memoir genre give it a try. You will be surprised just how interesting learning about others' lives can be.
March 29, 2011
Surprisingly accurate account of our child welfare system. Perhaps I'm desensitized to it's gross negligence and flaws since I hear about it so much. Or maybe my faith in our 'system' is so far gone that I'm jaded and cynical. Either way, I felt it was realistic. I didn't care for her writing style, nor did I feel sympathetic towards her after her descriptions of how she treated her adoptive mother. I understand her point of view and understand that she was a tween (evil creatures, no matter their circumstances), but still rubbed me the wrong way.
November 30, 2008
I think that teens will find this one as another in the like "A Child Called It." it will be interesting to see if Ashley rhodes-courter continues to write - I'd like to hope so. Sometimes it seems a little too unpolished (like I have room to talk!) but there are some real gems.
the book was so sad though, as she came into contact with so many children in/from awful situations and you know that the real world is that times about a zillion.
the book was so sad though, as she came into contact with so many children in/from awful situations and you know that the real world is that times about a zillion.
August 14, 2009
Though very interesting this book was a tough read to get through. It felt like it was written by a little girl rather than an adult looking back. She seemed to gloss over some of her behavior; justifying it. I know being in that situation kids act out but when you're looking back as an adult; admit you may have been a little tough due to the circumstances. A little choppy and all over the place. It didn't flow.
June 24, 2019
I love memoirs... and this one is no exception. This memoir involves Ashley's life -- being taken away from her mother at a very young age, jumping from one terrible foster home to another, and subsequently being adopted into a nice family.
May 30, 2017
review to follow
January 16, 2018
It's terrible what the author went through but the book was dull. It was a pain to get through and I abandoned it near the end. It was not well written.
February 9, 2021
WHOOSH. Brutal. The foster care system is broken everywhere, but it is especially broken in Florida [where the author is from] and this is just one more reminder of how much work needs to be done to protect those who are already broken. No child deserves OR SHOULD be treated as the author and those she knew were. Not one.
May 23, 2021
Unbelievable story of the trauma DCF put this girl and her family through. The system is broken, however was such a brave teen who decided to fight back and bring light to the injustice. As a foster and adoptive parent my heart breaks for what those kids went through, as well as the struggle to find homes for sibling groups and older children.
April 24, 2024
Definitely is a hard and triggering read but really shines the light on children in the foster care system
July 8, 2013
This is going on my foster-care "must read" list. For understanding the child's perspective (they understand more than the adults think) and for truly understanding why a foster child might behave in certain ways, this was much more effective than the 35 hours of foster parent training we went through. I also far better understand now why the foster parent certification process must be so intrusive, so plodding, so bureaucratic.
The "three little words" referenced in the title are not the ones you are thinking of. This is not a feel-good story that will end with hugs. This is a story of abuse, neglect, and a child welfare system that is failing. But is also inspiring to see what the author has managed to achieve. I mean, really. There's no excuse for the rest of us being mediocre.
Ashley Rhodes-Courter lived the foster care nightmare: in her 9 years in foster care she lived in 14 different homes. Among her caregivers were a convicted pedophile, a father whose own children had been removed, and an abusive woman who was later arrested and lost custody of her 7 adopted children. This quote at the end of the book is nothing less than shocking:
Ashley left me inspired by her story, inspired by her Guardian ad Litem (the only adult who really did right by her), and inspired to find something to do about this system. I'm so grateful that she shared her story.
The "three little words" referenced in the title are not the ones you are thinking of. This is not a feel-good story that will end with hugs. This is a story of abuse, neglect, and a child welfare system that is failing. But is also inspiring to see what the author has managed to achieve. I mean, really. There's no excuse for the rest of us being mediocre.
Ashley Rhodes-Courter lived the foster care nightmare: in her 9 years in foster care she lived in 14 different homes. Among her caregivers were a convicted pedophile, a father whose own children had been removed, and an abusive woman who was later arrested and lost custody of her 7 adopted children. This quote at the end of the book is nothing less than shocking:
When I reviewed the spreadsheet that listed everyone in South Carolina and Florida who had been responsible for my case, I was amazed by how many there were. I counted:
73 child welfare administrators
44 child welfare caseworkers
19 foster parents
23 attorneys
17 psychologists, psychiatrists, and therapists
5 Guardian ad Litem staff
4 judges
4 court personnel
3 abuse registry workers
2 primary caseworkers
1 Guardian ad Litem
Ashley left me inspired by her story, inspired by her Guardian ad Litem (the only adult who really did right by her), and inspired to find something to do about this system. I'm so grateful that she shared her story.
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May 11, 2015When I read Ashley Rhodes-Courter’s memoir, Three Little Words, I felt like I was like a sibling living her life along with her. This memoir takes place along her journey of foster care and her begining of her adoption. This took place from the beginning of her life until she was 21. The reason why she wrote this memoir is because she wants to share her experience in foster care and how a children in that system need to be adopted.
When Ashley was 3 years old she began foster care. When Ashley’s mother tried to constantly gain guardianship of her she always somehow had a problem. For example when she tried to get state compensation but they wouldn't give it to her because she had no children in her care yet and didn’t “need” help. When Ashley also was oblivious to the thought that other people wanted her as a daughter and had been watching her to see if they would make the right fit in her life. I found it sad that Ashley didn’t know what a dressing room was until she was 11 or 12! I felt so sad when Ashley was so scared all the time and worried that she didn’t fit in with Gay and Phil’s family and that they would get ride of her if she made any mistakes.
I found the fact that Ashley moved so much and was always so good in school and applied herself inspirational! I was so inspired when Ashley won the Gold Brick award for making a difference in the world. I also found interesting that Ashley was on 25 million Cool Ranch Doritos bags for winning an essay contest.
In the end I really enjoyed this book because there is so much information thats interesting and that this book was so well written, I really enjoyed the information about the all of paperwork needed in foster care and also how long it takes to adopt a child.
I would recommend this book to those who are interested in foster care and want to see someone’s point of view growing up in the system.
July 14, 2012
Who COULDN'T find themselves rooting for Ashley?!? And I loved knowing where she ended up in life and I was reading where she came from. What an amazing come up!
Another of those stories/books that REALLY piques my interest in foster care and adoption. Something our family has always talked about doing someday. With my own sister being in foster care and adopted by my parents, I saw a lot of terrible situations. And I saw how unequipped my parents were to handle the emotional issues that came with the package. It says a lot about a person and a society by the way they treat children & elderly; and foster children in America deserve so much better than most of them get....the trouble, too me, seems to be finding good people who are willing to deal with the garbage and bureaucracy of the Departments over foster care. If they want people who are willing to do foster care for more than the paycheck, they need to find more employees who are in it for more than just the paycheck! I can understand how overwhelming a job it must be; which makes it all the more important to find employees/volunteers who are ready to tackle even just one at a time!
I LOVED how Gay appears to have handled so many of the situations as Ashley pushed her limits to find the boundaries. I appreciate the straight forwardness of her talks with Ashley and the understanding she gave in knowing that she could never replace the biological bond between mother & child. What an example she is!
Another of those stories/books that REALLY piques my interest in foster care and adoption. Something our family has always talked about doing someday. With my own sister being in foster care and adopted by my parents, I saw a lot of terrible situations. And I saw how unequipped my parents were to handle the emotional issues that came with the package. It says a lot about a person and a society by the way they treat children & elderly; and foster children in America deserve so much better than most of them get....the trouble, too me, seems to be finding good people who are willing to deal with the garbage and bureaucracy of the Departments over foster care. If they want people who are willing to do foster care for more than the paycheck, they need to find more employees who are in it for more than just the paycheck! I can understand how overwhelming a job it must be; which makes it all the more important to find employees/volunteers who are ready to tackle even just one at a time!
I LOVED how Gay appears to have handled so many of the situations as Ashley pushed her limits to find the boundaries. I appreciate the straight forwardness of her talks with Ashley and the understanding she gave in knowing that she could never replace the biological bond between mother & child. What an example she is!
May 27, 2009
I picked up this book at Borders today because the cover had a photograph of a little girl with angel wings strapped on her. I also noticed this book was a memoir, so I was immediately drawn to it. This book is about how Ashley is moved from one place to another in the foster care system during her childhood. It's sad, because her mother had her when she was only 17, and was then arrested for drugs, which was why Ashley, and her little brother, Luke, were taken away from her. This book reminds me of another I've read (a memoir) called Please Stop Laughing At Me... which is about a girl who is bullied and abused by her peers. This is because on the back of this book, it mentions that one foster family abuses Ashley, but that in the end, instead of becoming a mal-adjusted adult, like many foster care children end up to be, she gets adopted, and becomes a college grad and child advocate. *UPDATE* Ashley gets a little annoying because of the way she makes things more difficult than they should be. She complained about her adoptive parents and the way they were too strict or made her do chores. The reason this was even more annoying was because she had previously lived in an abusive foster home, so you'd assume she'd be greatful for her new life. In the end, this book was okay, but not one of the best I've read.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
August 17, 2015
Born to a poor, young mother, who was purportedly unable to care for her children, Ashley Rhodes-Courter was removed from her home at age 3 and spent the next nine years in the foster care system. At age 12, she was finally adopted. This memoir tells of her lonely, and often horrific, journey through a system that is seriously flawed. One theme that resonated so strongly with me, and which Ashley points out more than once, is that we have a system in this country which is willing to pay strangers significant amounts of money to care for foster kids who have been removed from their homes, but is so unwilling to provide the same type of monetary support to the parents who gave birth to these children. Early on Ashley's mother was struggling to regain possession of her children, but she did not have the financial means to provide a home. Without a stable place to live, the State refused to give her children back. Instead, the State provided monetary support to strangers who, in some cases, were more abusive and neglectful towards Ashley than her birth mother had ever been. Ashley's savior was her CASA (Court Appointed Special Advocate), a female attorney who served as Ashley's guardian ad litem, and who worked tirelessly to find Ashley a permanent home. Very inspirational to me personally, as I've been thinking long and hard about becoming a CASA volunteer.
Want to read
April 1, 2009My neighbor went through training to become a foster parent for babies while moms try to get their act together. I met another foster mom like here when she was babysitting an 18 month old for her (they are only allowed to have babysitters who are also trained/registered with the state) and I decided it is impossibly hard to be either a foster kid or a foster parent.
The kids go from home to home, but they don't have a HOME. I mean, I may have stayed somewhere else or gone to a summer camp growing up, but I had a HOME that I finally knew I'd end up back at. And these foster parents will raise a baby for a year as their own child, then suddenly have to turn it back over to the biological mom whose act is cleaned up enough to get her kid back, but who you know has lots of issues and it feels like you are giving YOUR baby to her to raise. Lots of foster parents are holding out hope that they'll be able to adopt the child, but know their relationship could end any day. So I imagine you try not to get too attached to the kid, but you're the kid's mom for that year, so how can you NOT get attached? Oi!
The kids go from home to home, but they don't have a HOME. I mean, I may have stayed somewhere else or gone to a summer camp growing up, but I had a HOME that I finally knew I'd end up back at. And these foster parents will raise a baby for a year as their own child, then suddenly have to turn it back over to the biological mom whose act is cleaned up enough to get her kid back, but who you know has lots of issues and it feels like you are giving YOUR baby to her to raise. Lots of foster parents are holding out hope that they'll be able to adopt the child, but know their relationship could end any day. So I imagine you try not to get too attached to the kid, but you're the kid's mom for that year, so how can you NOT get attached? Oi!
Read
October 3, 2016 "Three Little Words" is a very touching memoir that really kept me wanting to read more. The author, Ashley Rhodes-Courter is a young lady that went through more in her first 13 years than many people will go through in their entire lives! I felt real emotion when reading this book, I truly felt bad for this little girl. Her story made me realize that I should not complain about my life and that I have it GREAT compared to lots of other children in the world.
Ashley lived the first couple years of her life in a house where she witnessed abuse to her mom from her brother's father. Both her and her brother were taken from them because of all of the trouble the couple got into. The young kids went to about a dozen foster homes getting shuffled around every few months and were abused in some of the homes. The three words are three you would not expect. They sum up her emotions throughout her childhood. She truly went through too much to handle in her life, but she did it! The memoir is inspiration that you can get through anything! If you are looking for an amazing, touching book, you should definitely read "Three Little Words".
Ashley lived the first couple years of her life in a house where she witnessed abuse to her mom from her brother's father. Both her and her brother were taken from them because of all of the trouble the couple got into. The young kids went to about a dozen foster homes getting shuffled around every few months and were abused in some of the homes. The three words are three you would not expect. They sum up her emotions throughout her childhood. She truly went through too much to handle in her life, but she did it! The memoir is inspiration that you can get through anything! If you are looking for an amazing, touching book, you should definitely read "Three Little Words".
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