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Let Go: It's time for us to let go of shame, expectation and our addiction to social media
If ever there was a time for us to be resilient, it was when a deadly virus emerged and engulfed the planet. As death rates soared and lockdowns radically altered our lives, the Resilience Project founder Hugh Van Cuylenburg was one of the people Australia turned to for advice on how to cope. Under pressure to deliver good news in a historic crisis, it didn’t take long for the Melbourne-based educator to realise he wasn’t coping.
Like millions of others around the world, Hugh was forced to reassess life during the 2020–21 pandemic as Covid undermined our sense of safety, strangled our personal connections and saw levels of happiness plunge. After taking the time to address his own feelings, Hugh recognised he was being hamstrung by the same powerful issues that undermine the lives of many: our feelings of shame, our quest for perfection and the toxicity of social media.
In this follow-up to the bestselling The Resilience Project: Finding happiness through gratitude, empathy and mindfulness, Hugh combines powerful insight with research and his own disarming and candid storytelling to show how it is possible to let go of the things that hold us back, and to feel connected, safe and happy once more.
Like millions of others around the world, Hugh was forced to reassess life during the 2020–21 pandemic as Covid undermined our sense of safety, strangled our personal connections and saw levels of happiness plunge. After taking the time to address his own feelings, Hugh recognised he was being hamstrung by the same powerful issues that undermine the lives of many: our feelings of shame, our quest for perfection and the toxicity of social media.
In this follow-up to the bestselling The Resilience Project: Finding happiness through gratitude, empathy and mindfulness, Hugh combines powerful insight with research and his own disarming and candid storytelling to show how it is possible to let go of the things that hold us back, and to feel connected, safe and happy once more.
320 pages, Kindle Edition
Published November 30, 2021
105 people are currently reading
2141 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 182 reviews
January 9, 2022
I just absolutely love Hugh. I love his writing, I love his philosophy and I love the Resilience Project.
Let Go is another completely uncomplicated and honest piece. Hugh’s self-awareness and imperfections make for some really funny, sad and reflective stories. His chapter explaining “Ego” and how it often stops us from trying new things or meeting new people hit a nerve.
I’m not really a podcast person but his one with Ryan Shelton “The Imperfects” was played immediately.
A great book to kick off 2022.
Let Go is another completely uncomplicated and honest piece. Hugh’s self-awareness and imperfections make for some really funny, sad and reflective stories. His chapter explaining “Ego” and how it often stops us from trying new things or meeting new people hit a nerve.
I’m not really a podcast person but his one with Ryan Shelton “The Imperfects” was played immediately.
A great book to kick off 2022.
December 8, 2021
One of the most honest and relatable authors and humans. His writing is so pleasant and easy to read, whilst still making a huge impact on readers. He is so vulnerable it is so inspiring! I had heard some of the stories in his the Imperfects Podcast but I honestly never mind hearing them again. He calls himself as a story teller and that is the perfect description!
September 30, 2024
A good listen 😊 I feel like this book caters well to a lot of people, for me it gave me some good simple ideas for my mental health work with clients
As a prolific gear-sticker I listened in horror- that story hit too close to home 😬😬😬
As a prolific gear-sticker I listened in horror- that story hit too close to home 😬😬😬
January 25, 2023
this bloke needs a reality check hahahahaha. i have no idea what makes him qualified to speak on these topics as someone who has no formal qualifications regarding mental health and as someone who hasn’t even personally suffered nor sought help for major mental health problems. he is beyond privileged and has absolutely no understanding of it.
there’s a whole chapter at the end dedicated to ego. but his example is how he got the opportunity to train with an olympic sprints trainer but didn’t want to cos he would be training with young women who would be faster than him??? but against all odds he “let go of his ego” to train with them……….!! hahahah the jokes write themselves. then he got a 6 pack because he was training with “the best in the country” and developed body checking behaviours and cared ab what he ate. it seems like only then does he understand what his sister went through with her eating disorder?? so what were you writing about in your first book then?? he tells the girls he’s been checking his abs constantly and they all say they do it too. instead of him pointing out the possibly toxic issue with their culture he finds comfort in the fact everyone does it? that doesn’t mean it’s ok?
there’s a whole chapter at the end dedicated to ego. but his example is how he got the opportunity to train with an olympic sprints trainer but didn’t want to cos he would be training with young women who would be faster than him??? but against all odds he “let go of his ego” to train with them……….!! hahahah the jokes write themselves. then he got a 6 pack because he was training with “the best in the country” and developed body checking behaviours and cared ab what he ate. it seems like only then does he understand what his sister went through with her eating disorder?? so what were you writing about in your first book then?? he tells the girls he’s been checking his abs constantly and they all say they do it too. instead of him pointing out the possibly toxic issue with their culture he finds comfort in the fact everyone does it? that doesn’t mean it’s ok?
December 10, 2021
Yet again, Hugh can Cuylenberg has written a poignant, funny and moving book for the times. If you haven’t listened to his podcast The Imperfects, you should. But read/listen to this first. You won’t be sorry. There is a relatability, an ordinariness about Hugh. You feel like you could know him, without even meeting him. He’s smart, insightful and a daggy Dad. It makes for great reading and thought provoking moments. Have a notebook nearby too - you’ll want to write some reminders down!
January 20, 2025
such a good book to start 2025 with! very raw, relatable and funny. lots to be mindful of after listening to this one 🎧
December 18, 2021
It’s hard to fault this book as Hugh’s honesty makes it so relatable and endearing. There’s no false/toxic positivity here, which I love. Just the reality of life as it is for many right now, and things we can do to improve it for ourselves and others. Reducing social media use is a huge one - hard to break the habit but so beneficial and freeing. Thanks Hugh.
May 23, 2023
== audiobook ==
this guy doesn’t miss
this guy doesn’t miss
March 24, 2022
Hugh delivers the goods yet again. Great content and delivered in bite sized chapters to digest. Lots to learn from this man.
March 13, 2023
HVC is an incredible story teller that had me laughing and crying as I listened to this book. His extras in art vulnerability is disarming and so moving! 11/10 recommend.
January 1, 2022
I was given this book by my Mum for Christmas who had heard about it on a late night radio program - it is an interesting account of one man's journey coping through the pandemic of 2020 and his observations of what this taught him about resilience, fear and coping with our emotions. I enjoyed the engaging style of the writing which flowed easily as well as the mix of life advice, personal anecdotes and suggested exercises for the reader to assist in their own journey of self acceptance and belief. I read the novel in one sitting which I think for me added strength to its impact - a novel I will refer back to no doubt for advice over the coming months and years in trying times as the pandemic rages on around us.
August 13, 2025
Well, it started well. Actually, for about 4 hours and 30 minutes I was enjoying myself. Then he started talking about his dad. Let me circle back to that.
I do love a self-help book that genuinely makes me reflect - yay - this did! Not a lot of reflection but one meaningful one that I have shared with my friends. He starts talking about shame and not wanting people in his life to know what's going on, but then he shares it with one friend who announces it to his collective of friends. He was frustrated, embarrassed, but it resulted in his friends reaching out and checking if he was ok. He realised, why was I ashamed in the first place? Well, recently, I shared with one friend who told another how I was feeling. The second friend then, frankly, confronted me about it with the first friend. It felt like a bit of an intervention. I was furious. I begrudgingly spoke about what has been going on and how I have been feeling, thinking, etc. I left the night feeling frustrated and betrayed, and yet, as the days passed | held less anger and felt more free! It's true! Talking about those things that bring you immense shame really DOES free you of the shame! Disclaimer though (DJC), one realisation does not make a changed man.
Secondly, and a big part of this reaching a 4-star rating. There was a random shoutout to the LOML, Zak Butters (oh, and Port Adelaide Football Club), What da hell he doing in here. Then I went down a rabbit hole of his tragic origin story. Oh my god. I can save you Zak. Thank you Hugh for reigniting the fiery passion that burns within.
So to the dad... now I can't say l'm up to date on my Sri Lankan / Dutch colonisation history... but I am going to make some assumptions that must be pretty safe. Who is the coloniser? Right, right, the Dutch. Who is the group with the power? Hmm, I would think, the Dutch. Explain to me then why Hugh Van Cuylenberg is trying to paint a picture of his father, a child of Dutch colonisers of Sri Lanka, as a racially discriminated migrant? Something ain't adding up here. Your father may have a tan, but I can almost certainly assure you, his experience in migrating to Australia is nothing on the experience of, well, non-white migrants. Oh, and another thing! This bloke was like, wow I saw my dad old and frail and decided Penny (his partner) and I must have children soon. She said, blud, we agreed a few years after we lived in NY together (which they had not done), and he was like, yeah but he looks old Penny, he LOOKS like a grandfather, imagine he misses out on that because of our own selfish pursuits? HUUUUUUUHH???????????
Not to be woke but litewally da fug that is such typical male behaviour. You ain't the one growing a child fam, and your dad can wait, it is not his RIGHT to get grandkids? Anyway she obviously fell for this stupid sob story because allegedly 12-months after this convo she pushed out their first kid. Hopefully being a mum is as fulfilling and being free in NY.
I sound like a hater but really the bulk of this book was pretty good, hence the 4-stars (more like a 3.5 rounded up). I just took issue with that bit in particular. I might recommend this to my normie friends who don't read and have low attention spans.
[A]
I do love a self-help book that genuinely makes me reflect - yay - this did! Not a lot of reflection but one meaningful one that I have shared with my friends. He starts talking about shame and not wanting people in his life to know what's going on, but then he shares it with one friend who announces it to his collective of friends. He was frustrated, embarrassed, but it resulted in his friends reaching out and checking if he was ok. He realised, why was I ashamed in the first place? Well, recently, I shared with one friend who told another how I was feeling. The second friend then, frankly, confronted me about it with the first friend. It felt like a bit of an intervention. I was furious. I begrudgingly spoke about what has been going on and how I have been feeling, thinking, etc. I left the night feeling frustrated and betrayed, and yet, as the days passed | held less anger and felt more free! It's true! Talking about those things that bring you immense shame really DOES free you of the shame! Disclaimer though (DJC), one realisation does not make a changed man.
Secondly, and a big part of this reaching a 4-star rating. There was a random shoutout to the LOML, Zak Butters (oh, and Port Adelaide Football Club), What da hell he doing in here. Then I went down a rabbit hole of his tragic origin story. Oh my god. I can save you Zak. Thank you Hugh for reigniting the fiery passion that burns within.
So to the dad... now I can't say l'm up to date on my Sri Lankan / Dutch colonisation history... but I am going to make some assumptions that must be pretty safe. Who is the coloniser? Right, right, the Dutch. Who is the group with the power? Hmm, I would think, the Dutch. Explain to me then why Hugh Van Cuylenberg is trying to paint a picture of his father, a child of Dutch colonisers of Sri Lanka, as a racially discriminated migrant? Something ain't adding up here. Your father may have a tan, but I can almost certainly assure you, his experience in migrating to Australia is nothing on the experience of, well, non-white migrants. Oh, and another thing! This bloke was like, wow I saw my dad old and frail and decided Penny (his partner) and I must have children soon. She said, blud, we agreed a few years after we lived in NY together (which they had not done), and he was like, yeah but he looks old Penny, he LOOKS like a grandfather, imagine he misses out on that because of our own selfish pursuits? HUUUUUUUHH???????????
Not to be woke but litewally da fug that is such typical male behaviour. You ain't the one growing a child fam, and your dad can wait, it is not his RIGHT to get grandkids? Anyway she obviously fell for this stupid sob story because allegedly 12-months after this convo she pushed out their first kid. Hopefully being a mum is as fulfilling and being free in NY.
I sound like a hater but really the bulk of this book was pretty good, hence the 4-stars (more like a 3.5 rounded up). I just took issue with that bit in particular. I might recommend this to my normie friends who don't read and have low attention spans.
[A]
June 2, 2023
3 ✨
his writing is very easy to read and i finished in only a couple sittings. a few of the topics i related to alot and were helpful but the others had nothing to do with me so i didn’t really get much out of those chapters.
i found some of his life experiences so unrealistic at times, like i was reading a fiction book. i’m not undermining anything he did experience but so many weird coincidences happened or events that seemed like a perfect example of what the topics chapter was on so i had a hard time believing them. like how do you remember the exact events and conversation of going to a friends house at 4 years old?
also, he spoke of his sisters experience with an eating disorder but then goes on to brush of the fact he says the dounts he was eating was going to ruin his abs, is bad food and that we should do everything to avoid fast food. ummmm???
he was very vulnerable though and i appreciated that a lot. still a good read and i did highlight some key points that could help me.
his writing is very easy to read and i finished in only a couple sittings. a few of the topics i related to alot and were helpful but the others had nothing to do with me so i didn’t really get much out of those chapters.
i found some of his life experiences so unrealistic at times, like i was reading a fiction book. i’m not undermining anything he did experience but so many weird coincidences happened or events that seemed like a perfect example of what the topics chapter was on so i had a hard time believing them. like how do you remember the exact events and conversation of going to a friends house at 4 years old?
also, he spoke of his sisters experience with an eating disorder but then goes on to brush of the fact he says the dounts he was eating was going to ruin his abs, is bad food and that we should do everything to avoid fast food. ummmm???
he was very vulnerable though and i appreciated that a lot. still a good read and i did highlight some key points that could help me.
February 26, 2023
Hugh tells us to let go of the shame, the guilt, the expectations.
He goes through his own stress and anxiety over the years and seeks professional help. He is asked if his parents have these high expectations that he puts on himself, and he replies with, "Of course not." So, he is able to "let go. "
However, it is not so easy for people to let go of these expectations when it IS expected from the people in their lives. It is NOT so easy to let to go of that shame when they are secretly belittled and are given no real love.
This book may be perfect for people who can just let go of these expectations and shames that they put on themselves. It just doesn't work for everyone because there are some people who just go through so many difficulties in life that we don't understand. And I am brave enough to say, I am one of those people. I can't just "let go." It is a lot easier said than done, unfortunately. And I'll just leave it at that.
He goes through his own stress and anxiety over the years and seeks professional help. He is asked if his parents have these high expectations that he puts on himself, and he replies with, "Of course not." So, he is able to "let go. "
However, it is not so easy for people to let go of these expectations when it IS expected from the people in their lives. It is NOT so easy to let to go of that shame when they are secretly belittled and are given no real love.
This book may be perfect for people who can just let go of these expectations and shames that they put on themselves. It just doesn't work for everyone because there are some people who just go through so many difficulties in life that we don't understand. And I am brave enough to say, I am one of those people. I can't just "let go." It is a lot easier said than done, unfortunately. And I'll just leave it at that.
February 21, 2024
*audible read
Thrilling. Vulnerable. Piercing.
My love for The Imperfects podcast led me here. This book, especially read via audible/Hugh’s voice, it just felt like an elongated podcast episode. I can’t say anymore apart from that I thoroughly enjoyed it. And if you’re wanting to have honest conversations, start reading this.
Thrilling. Vulnerable. Piercing.
My love for The Imperfects podcast led me here. This book, especially read via audible/Hugh’s voice, it just felt like an elongated podcast episode. I can’t say anymore apart from that I thoroughly enjoyed it. And if you’re wanting to have honest conversations, start reading this.
October 12, 2025
A very funny and heartwarming read! I really enjoy reading and also listening to Hugh Van Cuylenburg on the Imperfects podcast because of his ability to communicate so sincerely and humorously. It’s disarming!
In this book, Hugh talks about many of his own personal experiences and how he has been able to learn to let go of shame in his life. I think anyone who experiences shame (everyone ?) would benefit from reading this book. My 4 instead of 5 stars is mainly because of course there is no perfect solution offered in the book. Rather, it’s an honest reflection and exhibits some stories, tips and tricks which we can put into practice in our own life.
In this book, Hugh talks about many of his own personal experiences and how he has been able to learn to let go of shame in his life. I think anyone who experiences shame (everyone ?) would benefit from reading this book. My 4 instead of 5 stars is mainly because of course there is no perfect solution offered in the book. Rather, it’s an honest reflection and exhibits some stories, tips and tricks which we can put into practice in our own life.
January 8, 2022
Quite different to Hugh’s previous book. If I hadn’t been listening to his podcast I would have thought this guy had a pretty perfect life. He’s very open about his experience with therapy (and going through a few dud appointments) which is really refreshing and confronts the idea of shame (amongst other things). Highly recommend listening to the podcast if you like this book!
March 10, 2022
Just as good as the first.
March 22, 2022
One of the most helpful books I’ve read. Loved the live show and the first book too. Thank you Hugh for sharing your stories.
July 28, 2022
Incredible book, I finished this one up in less than a week. Hugh is a very gifted story teller and it’s an absolute pleasure to read his words. His generosity in sharing his experiences was incredible and extremely brave. This book had me laughing and crying, sometimes both at the same time. I got so much out of this one, highly recommended!
January 15, 2023
Love all the stories and practical exercises in this book!
April 9, 2023
A podcast brought me here. It was simple and direct - a good weekend read.
June 8, 2023
Another fabulous book by Hugh for The Resilience Project. I needed this and listening to Hugh narrate it himself felt like I was attending one of his inspiring live sessions. It is not a long listen or read. It is warm, encouraging, thought provoking and very apt to help with reflection post covid times.
July 30, 2023
Fantastic continuation of Hugh’s first book. I’ve become an avid listener of the imperfects and have really adopted the resilience projects Gratitude Empathy Mindfullness matra in life so it was nice to delve deeper into that and Hugh’s life. Would recommend.
February 18, 2024
Enjoyed, easy to read, focus wasn't as clear as I had hoped. But still lots of life lessons to be learned. Worth a read.
June 28, 2025
A pretty straight forward motivational/self help book. Seems a bit more appropriate for men than women but overall, good themes. I found the anecdotes at least a little entertaining. Some felt a bit basic and as if I was watching a visiting speaker at a high school. But there are some valuable exercises in here that I wrote in my notebook.
September 20, 2023
This was a great read. I learnt a lot on how to continue to improve and things to look out for.
High recommend this good and any of Hughs work.
High recommend this good and any of Hughs work.
November 14, 2023
Listened to this on audio book narrated by Hugh (i had read his first one myself). Loved it this way, hearing him tell his many hilarious stories and gems of wisdom. I have come away feeling inspired and am grateful for Hugh having a platform, willingness and outstanding level of openness in sharing these thoughts and learnings! Both his books are a must read.
January 6, 2022
More of the same from the author of The Resilience Project. Some good story telling with some self help thrown in. 4.5/5
September 16, 2022
First ever review but I had to gush! It’s an absolute must-read. Not in your face, enjoyable, and engaging. I loved this book and am going straight back into reading his first release.
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