I’m torn on how to score this book. I finished it in two days because I wanted to know what happened, but MY GOD all the dudes suuuuuck and are all super selfish. I don’t know what happened to the author, but I hope all these shitty dudes are part of her past and none are inspired by her current relationship(s). I think all of the characters need major therapy (especially the men, but the women too).
*update* after the huge rant I went on, I decided to give this 2.5 stars. I bumped it to a 3 because the story telling was good, but the characters were awful.
Be warned (spoiler) - DV gets mentioned a lot in this. It does describe a choke scene (one of my triggers, what fun), describes what DV relationships are like (both as an outside observer, the victim, and the perpetrator), and references it a lot. SA is also mentioned and somewhat described, and is referred back to (and I mention a scene below that some might not consider SA, but I had red flags flying).
I will now rant about the men. Here there be spoilers, so read at your own risk.
I don’t know who’s worse - the detective who knocked up his new girlfriend (who is 10 years his junior) and made her have a baby (she wanted an abortion!) because *he* dreamed about it and *he* thinks it’ll be wonderful, who then thinks he’s such an amazing dad because he gives the kid a bath at the end of the day - and that’s it. Spends all day at work, and gets upset when the girlfriend calls him out on not helping enough or even talking to her (oh - and major rage issues), and then also gets upset because she wants to talk, but then won’t take no for an answer when she doesn’t want sex (it’s not full-on SA, but she says no at least twice and he keeps going, while complaining about their lack of sex life and not being allowed to touch her boobs because she just gave birth 3 months before, and calls her hormonal later). At one point he’s like i DiDn’T kNoW tHiS wOuLd Be So HaRd and then complains that things aren’t like how they were before they had the baby 🤦🏻♀️ Also keeps comparing him being a cop to her raising a screaming infant all day and how much harder it is for him and whyy doesn’t she think about his feelings. Also pulls the “I didn’t know unconditional love until my daughter was born” line 🤮 I hope the girlfriend packs up and leaves, because this is just the beginning of the cop-turns-alcoholic-abuser trope (that is sadly all too true irl). If, at the end, he said he was going to at least get anger management therapy/treatment, I wouldn’t end with such a negative view. But what does he do? Buy crappy gas station flowers, admits that it’s crappy and he can’t do better, and “apologizes.” Sounds exactly how Hanna described abusers after they did something violent (and is all-too true).
Then there’s the father of the victim, who also only thinks about himself and *his* needs, so he contacts his mistress to try to talk to her, while completely ignoring his wife and her obvious depression issues. Oh and just about completely ignoring his kids as well, by running off and getting wasted while they’re stuck to their own devices, because he thinks his *wife* is being selfish, rather than, oh I dunno, extremely depressed. So he tries to bang his mistress and keeps getting super drunk, and doesn’t even realize his wife is OD’ing because he can’t even bother to check on her, even though she hasn’t left the bed in days. How does his storyline end? He lets his wife die alone in the hospital while in the process of setting someone’s house on fire (fully intending for everyone in there to die).
Then there’s the victim’s boyfriend who is violent, especially when he drinks too much (and isn’t getting what he wants). And the school advisor who made a pass at the victim, again, thinking only of himself. There’s the husband of a character who gets violent, and then obviously the perpetrator (again, is violent and crappy because things aren’t going their way).
The only male characters who don’t seem like a giant turd sandwich are barely mentioned at all, so who’s to say.
Hanna also had some major issues, but hers weren’t selfish in nature. She had major trauma that she clearly never processed, and threw herself into trying to protect and save others as a way to save herself. But she wasn’t violent (unless you count what she did to her ex’s clothes, but he was also another major selfish jerk, who I forgot to include above), she didn’t yell at people and throw things. As soon as she said she thought Daniel was a good guy and thought he would be a good (romantic) partner, I was like “oh, honey.” Can’t see all those red flags you teach about in front of your face when you haven’t processed your trauma yet. I’ve definitely been there.
While I did find the underlying story interesting and thought it was a page-turner, I just kept getting angry at how awful all the men are (especially the detective). I think this is book one of a series, and I will definitely NOT be reading more. I found myself worrying about the author more than once, since all the guys had violent, selfish tendencies, and only apologize after they’ve done something terrible (and are super weak apologies at that, if they happen at all), and don’t make any attempts at bettering themselves.
Finishing this book does make me grateful that I am no longer in an abusive relationship and am having a much easier time spotting the red flags (oh man there were so many)