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How to Love A Woman: On Intimacy and the Erotic Life of Women
For all men and women who thirst to love and be loved by a woman, these words and stories of guidance from Clarissa Pinkola Estés are aqua vitae, the water of life for the soul.
Dr. Estés teaches that in love relationships, each partner challenges, nourishes, and transforms the other. To achieve this lifelong love requires an understanding of the mysterious internal cycles that fuel relationships.
Through irresistible storytelling, How to Love a Woman shows how every relationship fades and expires, only to be reborn in a fresh and strengthened form.
Dr. Estés teaches that in love relationships, each partner challenges, nourishes, and transforms the other. To achieve this lifelong love requires an understanding of the mysterious internal cycles that fuel relationships.
Through irresistible storytelling, How to Love a Woman shows how every relationship fades and expires, only to be reborn in a fresh and strengthened form.
Audio CD
First published January 1, 1993
16 people are currently reading
669 people want to read
About the author
Clarissa Pinkola Estés
77 books3,531 followersAn American poet, psychoanalyst and post-trauma specialist who was raised in now nearly vanished oral and ethnic traditions. She is a first-generation American who grew up in a rural village, population 600, near the Great Lakes. Of Mexican mestiza and majority Magyar and minority Swabian tribal heritages, she comes from immigrant and refugee families who could not read or write, or who did so haltingly. Much of her writing is influenced by her family people who were farmers, shepherds, hopsmeisters, wheelwrights, weavers, orchardists, tailors, cabinet makers, lacemakers, knitters, and horsemen and horsewomen from the Old Countries.
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Displaying 1 - 26 of 26 reviews
November 21, 2014
wonderful-- estes delivers once again. truly a "required" read if seeking an evolved, mature, adult relationship of any sort. she (of course) reads several old stories (audio book VERY much recommended!!)-- and my soul is always seemingly ravenous for a TRUE elder, storytelling with such skill and vibrancy-- interweaving these tales with a discussion of the life--death cycle inherent in any relationship, bits of wisdom one may wish to heed in choosing a lifelong mate, and both the magic + peril one is sure to find along the way. if you are a woman... love women... or simply want to understand more about the divine feminine/goddess/archetype/nature of all things... please do read/preferably have this book read TO you (thanks technology for something ;) today!!
September 26, 2024
crazy ovulation read.
I found this audiobook on the authors page of WWRWTW. Clarissa, I’ll read anything you write.
I found this audiobook on the authors page of WWRWTW. Clarissa, I’ll read anything you write.
January 16, 2017
I liked the approach to impermanence, not only in a consolatory way, about the end of a relationship, but applied inside the relationship, to cycles in love. The skeleton woman story is very versatile, albeit I was a bit weirded out about the fisherman's heart being taken out.
I'll made a note of the 12 things to look in a person.
April 14, 2020
I relish with delight into the deliciously wild and erotica that resides within...
June 3, 2025
Very interesting.
March 31, 2024
Speaks of stories from Greek mythology to Inupiaq. Id found the tale of the Skeletal Woman especially interesting, more so with the Jungian analysis layered on top.
As usual, Clarissa delivers. 5/5. Audiobook version very much recommended. Half the story is in the telling.
As usual, Clarissa delivers. 5/5. Audiobook version very much recommended. Half the story is in the telling.
June 4, 2025
The way Clarissa talks about loving is just so wonderful. And right. She begins the book emphasising how this is a book for all kinds of women, for people who love women, for people who have a divine closeness and admiration to & for feminine energy. And for people who want to love women as fully as they possibly can.
Sappho’s ode to Aphrodite is read out to us, and it feels like the most evocatively erotic writing I have ever heard in my ears - BookTok smut readers don’t know where the real stuff’s at, clearly. I loved this as an introduction; it was very powerful, and it brought me instantly into the reminder that this is the kind of Eros love I want to experience and give.
The rest of the audiobook details the importance of the third partner in everyone’s relationships, “Lady Death” herself, and how we must acknowledge, accept and love her presence there. I found this very interesting as I realised that whenever Lady Death appears, that is usually the moment in a relationship where one begins to believe that their love (in some form or another) is gone. This can be, in today’s rising world of situationships, similar to a partner saying ‘I need space’ and then ghosting you for eternity because they suddenly realised their feelings had changed/shifted. They felt Lady Death’s presence and chose to run away from her rather than feel her & understand why she was there in the first place. Oh, I fricking love this imagery of Lady Death so much - I will use it for the rest of my life, I think.
We end with a detailing of the story called “East of the Sun and West of the Moon”, which is basically the story of Eros & Psyche. My love and connection with this myth throughout my own life is neverending, so Clarissa using it as a lesson to remind us that we can find love when we think we have lost it warmed my soul.
Great audiobook. Easy 5 stars. Onto the next🫶🏽
Sappho’s ode to Aphrodite is read out to us, and it feels like the most evocatively erotic writing I have ever heard in my ears - BookTok smut readers don’t know where the real stuff’s at, clearly. I loved this as an introduction; it was very powerful, and it brought me instantly into the reminder that this is the kind of Eros love I want to experience and give.
The rest of the audiobook details the importance of the third partner in everyone’s relationships, “Lady Death” herself, and how we must acknowledge, accept and love her presence there. I found this very interesting as I realised that whenever Lady Death appears, that is usually the moment in a relationship where one begins to believe that their love (in some form or another) is gone. This can be, in today’s rising world of situationships, similar to a partner saying ‘I need space’ and then ghosting you for eternity because they suddenly realised their feelings had changed/shifted. They felt Lady Death’s presence and chose to run away from her rather than feel her & understand why she was there in the first place. Oh, I fricking love this imagery of Lady Death so much - I will use it for the rest of my life, I think.
We end with a detailing of the story called “East of the Sun and West of the Moon”, which is basically the story of Eros & Psyche. My love and connection with this myth throughout my own life is neverending, so Clarissa using it as a lesson to remind us that we can find love when we think we have lost it warmed my soul.
Great audiobook. Easy 5 stars. Onto the next🫶🏽
March 22, 2010
Dr Estes is the bomb writer. I love how she captures a woman's essence from every angle possible. The facet's that we miss, ignore, avoid, cross-over, kick to the curb, cheat, dismiss, sabotage, stomp out, etc. When I read the good Dr's books or listen on cd, my blood spills to the floor with divine, shimmering cells of life. I feel so alive! Dr. Estes' writing helps me to open my soul wide and without apology. I love her mind, her heart, and her writing that comes from the deep well of her soul. Give thanks.
Kimyon
The DIAMOND Coach
Kimyon
The DIAMOND Coach
April 20, 2019
Listening to Clarissa is almost better than reading her books. Her voice, cadence and tone are like a homecoming nourishment you didn’t realize you needed. But once you have it... your soul starts to buzz. It’s a beautiful piece with deep wisdom in the cycles of relationship and the inner world of women. This is a must read.
December 14, 2018
A must for all men and probably all women as well
February 10, 2022
Illuminating and beautiful! I listened to this audiobook today and absolutely loved it. I've read the author's book Women Who Run with the Wolves, but this was my first time listening to her speak. I was enthralled and delighted by her storytelling abilities and enjoyed hearing some of the tales from WWRwtW again. Her list of the 12 qualities to look for in a life partner is something I intend to pass on to my children and grandchildren! So many powerful insights and beautiful stories that made me smile and even brought me to tears. I'm definitely going to listen to all of her audiobooks!
September 27, 2021
Sweet and short audiobook!
If you've read Women Who Run With the Wolves, she tells three stories from that book, (which take up most of this one) so although some may be annoyed at the repetition, I personally felt like reading them and then hearing them helped me to understand them more in-depth, or pick up on things I missed.
I also really enjoyed the short music in between parts to reflect on what I had learned.
If you've read Women Who Run With the Wolves, she tells three stories from that book, (which take up most of this one) so although some may be annoyed at the repetition, I personally felt like reading them and then hearing them helped me to understand them more in-depth, or pick up on things I missed.
I also really enjoyed the short music in between parts to reflect on what I had learned.
February 25, 2025
80% of the content here can be found in Women who run with the wolves as well. It is the Skeleton Woman story and the Manawee story, but I still enjoyed it a lot. Also, the story at the end was just perfect. Everyone should read this book and realize how empty life can get without a good partner next to you. The richness of her writing / in this situation writing and talking is just amazing. It felt like a therapy session for me :D .
February 13, 2020
The last story of rapey bear really ruined everything. It is hard to love a woman who does not love herself.
May 28, 2020
This is an interesting book and anyone can learn somthing from it.
May 31, 2020
Its a purely erotic book.. because for women it starts with emotions, acceptance.
June 20, 2020
Review the list about a partner when ready
March 2, 2022
This was a fantastic audiobook listen that further deepened my understanding of healthy and authentic relationships
April 25, 2022
rly interesting & beautiful info on relationship/erotic cycles, gendering felt weird tho
July 16, 2023
Listened to the author read this amazingly sensual and sexy book. An eye opener and a soothing beautiful feminine narrative. Powerful. Thought provoking and just so beautiful to listen to.
December 28, 2024
Such a great and beautiful storyteller. Through stories we learn not only about the human condition but ourselves and our own journey.
August 22, 2020
Wow! I really appreciate this. Author of Women Who Run with the Wolves: Myths and Stories of the Wild Woman Archetype, lover, mother, fabulous storyteller and Jungian psychoanalyst Clarissa Pinkola Estes is a woman who knows how to talk about the Divine Feminine in-depth, and at length.
April 28, 2025
ROMANTIC MYTHS AND CYCLES. People want to be high on love like it’s a drug, not realizing that chasing the high actually steals your ability to surf emotional cycles. Love, like the sun, rises and sets; believing it should never have lows is as foolish as panicking at sunset.
WORKING THROUGH FEARS. If you knew upfront that trouble and “ugly phases” are inevitable, how many relationships would still make it past the first deep brutally honest talk? Real relationships demand courage and untangling, not avoiding, the mess. Same with business partners, kids - destruction happens everywhere, but how will you deal with it?
CHOOSING A PARTNER. Don’t just go by looks - close your eyes and sense their kindness, ability to care for themselves and for you. Choose someone who’s willing to learn, experience pain and demonstrate empathy. Pick someone who reacts to your hurt - acknowledges it, feels sorry, and processes it openly within 24 hours. Go for someone with an inner life, a passion, and values like yours - they’ll make life bigger, not smaller.
TOGETHER BUT SEPARATE. Bonds stretch across weeks or even months; cycles of closeness and distance are normal, like waves. Everyone needs time away from each other, work, and family to come back “home” to themselves. You need shared interests (even as simple as baths or walks) because a relationship is about making good memories, not just surviving the hard times.
PRESENCE AND INTIMACY. Intimacy fades not from lack of time, but lack of presence. You don’t need to be present 100 hours a week - just really there sometimes. Listen to the small things: hair falling, the brush of a foot - engage all your senses. Presence isn’t just about making love, but about simply being, breathing, and feeling together.
VALUES AND COMPASSION. Values alignments matter: children, family, roles, money, religion. Choose someone who listens and who can laugh at themselves - a joke in the middle of a fight can save everything.
WORKING THROUGH FEARS. If you knew upfront that trouble and “ugly phases” are inevitable, how many relationships would still make it past the first deep brutally honest talk? Real relationships demand courage and untangling, not avoiding, the mess. Same with business partners, kids - destruction happens everywhere, but how will you deal with it?
CHOOSING A PARTNER. Don’t just go by looks - close your eyes and sense their kindness, ability to care for themselves and for you. Choose someone who’s willing to learn, experience pain and demonstrate empathy. Pick someone who reacts to your hurt - acknowledges it, feels sorry, and processes it openly within 24 hours. Go for someone with an inner life, a passion, and values like yours - they’ll make life bigger, not smaller.
TOGETHER BUT SEPARATE. Bonds stretch across weeks or even months; cycles of closeness and distance are normal, like waves. Everyone needs time away from each other, work, and family to come back “home” to themselves. You need shared interests (even as simple as baths or walks) because a relationship is about making good memories, not just surviving the hard times.
PRESENCE AND INTIMACY. Intimacy fades not from lack of time, but lack of presence. You don’t need to be present 100 hours a week - just really there sometimes. Listen to the small things: hair falling, the brush of a foot - engage all your senses. Presence isn’t just about making love, but about simply being, breathing, and feeling together.
VALUES AND COMPASSION. Values alignments matter: children, family, roles, money, religion. Choose someone who listens and who can laugh at themselves - a joke in the middle of a fight can save everything.
September 6, 2016
Full of insights that would benefit any woman or couple, regardless of sexual orientation. Includes 12 traits to seek in a lifelong partner. Comes from a place of deep wisdom and Dr. Estes voice is soothing and her storytelling spellbinding.
May 3, 2013
Loved it, but also felt weird about the gender essentialism. The end.
October 29, 2013
Ms Estes's voice (both written and audio) is an elemental voice. It is the voice of the past and the future all mixed up. It is a voice full of understanding, compassion and support.
Displaying 1 - 26 of 26 reviews