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History of a Drowning Boy: The Autobiography
Dennis Nilsen was one of Britain's most notorious serial killers, jailed for life in 1983 after the murders of 12 men and the attempted murders of many more.
Seven years after his conviction, Nilsen began to write his autobiography and over a period of 18 years he typed 6,000 pages of introspection, reflection, comment and explanation.
History of a Drowning Boy - taken exclusively from these astonishing writings - uncovers, for the first time, the motives behind the murders, and delivers a clear understanding of how such horrific events could have happened, tracing the origins back to early childhood. In another first, it provides an insight into his 35 years inside the maximum-security prison system including his everyday life on the wings; his interactions with the authorities and other notorious prisoners; and his artistic endeavours of music, writing and drama. It also reveals the truth behind many of the myths surrounding Dennis Nilsen, as reported in the media.
Nilsen was determined to have his memoir published but to his frustration, the Home Office blocked publication during his lifetime. He died in 2018, entrusting the manuscript to his closest friend and it is now being published with the latter's permission.
Any autobiography presents the writer's story from just one perspective - his own, and as such this record should be treated with some caution. An excellent foreword by criminologist Dr Mark Pettigrew offers some context to Nilsen's words, and this important work provides an extraordinary journey through the life of a remarkable and inadequate man.
Seven years after his conviction, Nilsen began to write his autobiography and over a period of 18 years he typed 6,000 pages of introspection, reflection, comment and explanation.
History of a Drowning Boy - taken exclusively from these astonishing writings - uncovers, for the first time, the motives behind the murders, and delivers a clear understanding of how such horrific events could have happened, tracing the origins back to early childhood. In another first, it provides an insight into his 35 years inside the maximum-security prison system including his everyday life on the wings; his interactions with the authorities and other notorious prisoners; and his artistic endeavours of music, writing and drama. It also reveals the truth behind many of the myths surrounding Dennis Nilsen, as reported in the media.
Nilsen was determined to have his memoir published but to his frustration, the Home Office blocked publication during his lifetime. He died in 2018, entrusting the manuscript to his closest friend and it is now being published with the latter's permission.
Any autobiography presents the writer's story from just one perspective - his own, and as such this record should be treated with some caution. An excellent foreword by criminologist Dr Mark Pettigrew offers some context to Nilsen's words, and this important work provides an extraordinary journey through the life of a remarkable and inadequate man.
378 pages, Kindle Edition
Published January 21, 2021
90 people are currently reading
1146 people want to read
About the author
Dennis Nilsen
6 books4 followersDennis Nilsen was a serial killer who was born on November 23, 1945, in Fraserburgh, Scotland. Though Nilsen recognized his homosexual desires, he was never comfortable with them and began acting on them through murder and dismemberment. Nilsen's first victim was in 1978, he went on to kill, according to his confession, twelve young men and dissect their bodies. When police finally arrested him in 1983, it quickly became apparent that, had they linked a series of reported incidents from lucky escapees over the previous five years, they might well have halted his ghoulish killing spree considerably sooner.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 113 reviews
January 17, 2021
Well this is possibly the most difficult review I’ve ever written...
I’m torn with my opinion of this book, because whilst I refuse to glamourise any hideous thing that Denis Nilsen did during his killing spree of the 70’s and 80’s, there is no denying that he is an excellent writer.
There has long been fascination about ‘Des’ and his crimes, in no small part because of his candidness and often harrowing honesty about what he did, and never denied doing, from the moment of his arrest.
He admitted to his crimes, did his time, and by all accounts was a model inmate until his death.
Like so many other serial killers (Richard Ramirez, Henry Lee Lucas, Ed Kemper and others) one has to wonder that if he had had better role models as a child and been shown more love and care, he might have turned out very differently, he certainly had the intelligence and capacity to do well in life.
What is obvious about Des Nilsen is that his problems began in early childhood with the sexual abuse he suffered at the hands of his Grandfather, a common theme amongst serial killers.
This book is very long, but fascinating and undeniably compelling.
If you have an interest in true crime or psychology, it will definitely interest you.
Obviously it’s content is explicit and you may sometimes have to take a breather to compose yourself, but it is a rare and extremely detailed account of the life of a serial killer.
I’m torn with my opinion of this book, because whilst I refuse to glamourise any hideous thing that Denis Nilsen did during his killing spree of the 70’s and 80’s, there is no denying that he is an excellent writer.
There has long been fascination about ‘Des’ and his crimes, in no small part because of his candidness and often harrowing honesty about what he did, and never denied doing, from the moment of his arrest.
He admitted to his crimes, did his time, and by all accounts was a model inmate until his death.
Like so many other serial killers (Richard Ramirez, Henry Lee Lucas, Ed Kemper and others) one has to wonder that if he had had better role models as a child and been shown more love and care, he might have turned out very differently, he certainly had the intelligence and capacity to do well in life.
What is obvious about Des Nilsen is that his problems began in early childhood with the sexual abuse he suffered at the hands of his Grandfather, a common theme amongst serial killers.
This book is very long, but fascinating and undeniably compelling.
If you have an interest in true crime or psychology, it will definitely interest you.
Obviously it’s content is explicit and you may sometimes have to take a breather to compose yourself, but it is a rare and extremely detailed account of the life of a serial killer.
January 6, 2021
(read different version (ARC) I have read a couple of other books on Nilsen previously, one just recently, but to read one by Nilsen himself is another thing altogether. In the many years he was locked up, he had plenty of time to contemplate and to write his memoirs, and he revised them too. I was amazed at the number of pages he wrote during that time, just incredible. I’m not sure who he thought would have the time to read it all. With that aside, it is a fascinating story and he seems to have quite a detailed memory, as you can tell by how he describes his various stories throughout.
He reminds me of Jeffrey Dahmer, with how he really wanted to keep his victims with him longer, because he was so lonely. But he would eventually end up having to kill them when they wanted to leave, then he had the problem of disposing of their bodies. Dahmer had similar problems, but after he had made his visitors unconscious by drugging them and eventually tried different means to keep them that way indefinitely. That never worked out, and he ended up with another dead body to deal with. Nilsen’s autobiography is certainly a good read for most true crime fans as it gives an inside look at how they think and look back over their crimes. Advance electronic review copy was provided by NetGalley, author Dennis Nilsen, and the publisher.
He reminds me of Jeffrey Dahmer, with how he really wanted to keep his victims with him longer, because he was so lonely. But he would eventually end up having to kill them when they wanted to leave, then he had the problem of disposing of their bodies. Dahmer had similar problems, but after he had made his visitors unconscious by drugging them and eventually tried different means to keep them that way indefinitely. That never worked out, and he ended up with another dead body to deal with. Nilsen’s autobiography is certainly a good read for most true crime fans as it gives an inside look at how they think and look back over their crimes. Advance electronic review copy was provided by NetGalley, author Dennis Nilsen, and the publisher.
Read
February 28, 2021I won’t be rating this book as I think it’d be inappropriate of me to rate a book written by a serial killer.
March 4, 2021
It's very rare thing to get a glimpse inside the mind of a serial killer, especially one as notorious as Dennis Nilsen, but this is exactly what this book offers. Written during his time incarcerated at various prisons around the UK, this autobiography has been put together by his friend Mark Austin, from the papers left to him by Nilsen, and offers a fascinating account of exactly what he has to say about his childhood, his life before becoming a killer, his crimes and his time as a Category A prisoner. It includes an intriguing introduction from Mark Austin, and a very insightful foreword by criminologist Dr Mark Pettigrew, both of which advise taking what comes next with some reservations - after all these are the words of a man who committed heinous crimes, and more than likely suffered with a few personality disorders.
The book is split into two quite distinct parts. broken up into headings that deal with periods of his history.
The first, and most distressing part of the book, deals with Nilsen's life before his imprisonment and is divided into sections dealing with his Early Life, where he tells of his distant mother, a grandfather who he maintains sexually assaulted him, and his awakening homosexuality; Army Life and Civilian Life, where he then moves onto his experiences in the army, the police force, and through various different jobs, as he becomes more and more disconnected from the people and places around him; and finally, Taking Life, as he describes his chaotic life, his string of casual sexual encounters, bouts of excessive alcohol consumption that make his inhibitions fall away , and how he falls prey to his developing urges and fantasies - culminating in his twelve murders, and many more attempted murders.
The descriptions of his crimes are unflinching, with details of each murder dispassionately laid out on the page, but interestingly he concentrates on the ritualistic side of the killings and his compulsions, rather than going into too much detail about the dismemberment and disposal of the the bodies that he is most remembered for - with passing references to the disposal of the bodies being more than enough for me, and the rituals thankfully redacted in some cases. Even so, this part of the book did make me feel rather grubby and in need of more than a few breaks with some more wholesome reading material!
The second is simply entitled Life, and deals with his arrest, trial and 35 years behind bars, split up into chapters headed by the names of the prisons where he was held. For me, this by far the most interesting part of the book - especially the parts about the life of a Category A prisoner.
This is where we really come to know Nilsen, and even appreciate his sense of humour which really surprised me. He describes about how he keeps himself occupied, his hobbies, his rare friendships, relationships and moves between different prisons, right up until his final illness and death. He writes of a quiet and mild mannered prisoner devoted to music, film studies, his budgies and writing about his life - although he does seem to get into trouble on occasion. He talks at length about working with various authors and journalists though is mostly disparaging about their efforts, and he is down right hostile when recounting the way the gutter press portray him - though considering the mostly fictitious articles, it is hardly surprising.
Although, much of his writing is clearly intended to paint him in a positive light, Nilsen freely acknowledges his guilt in the untimely deaths of 12 young men here and does show remorse for his crimes - although perhaps, his reasoning about his motives is a bit tenuous and his assertion that he is a different person to what he once was could never have been proven while he was a prisoner. His account is cogent and does throw up some meaty themes for debate around the nature of imprisonment and whether prisoners are there to be punished or reformed, and the contentious whole life sentences.
There are also some questions to be asked about the ownership of the personal possessions and written accounts of prisoners, and whether they should be allowed to publish their memoirs while still alive. I am inclined to side with the Home Office on this one, bearing in mind the thoughts and feelings of the families of the victims, but others may disagree. In any case, Nilsen's memoirs have now seen the light of day, and his long held wish to have his voice heard has now been fulfilled, for better or worse.
"There are monsters in this world;
they're just people.
There are strong people and there are weak people.
I think I am an amalgam of the two.
Judge for yourself."
Denis Nilsen
This is a very conflicting book to read, and is definitely one for the more reflective reader, rather than the serial killer groupie out for gruesome details of a murder's modus operandi. If you are going to take the plunge, I recommend reading both the foreword and introduction again once you have reached the end of the book, to remind yourself that the contents should be viewed with caution. Nonetheless, this is a fascinating book and one which I can recommend if you are interested in reading an account straight from the horses mouth, rather than through the eyes of someone with their own agenda.
The book is split into two quite distinct parts. broken up into headings that deal with periods of his history.
The first, and most distressing part of the book, deals with Nilsen's life before his imprisonment and is divided into sections dealing with his Early Life, where he tells of his distant mother, a grandfather who he maintains sexually assaulted him, and his awakening homosexuality; Army Life and Civilian Life, where he then moves onto his experiences in the army, the police force, and through various different jobs, as he becomes more and more disconnected from the people and places around him; and finally, Taking Life, as he describes his chaotic life, his string of casual sexual encounters, bouts of excessive alcohol consumption that make his inhibitions fall away , and how he falls prey to his developing urges and fantasies - culminating in his twelve murders, and many more attempted murders.
The descriptions of his crimes are unflinching, with details of each murder dispassionately laid out on the page, but interestingly he concentrates on the ritualistic side of the killings and his compulsions, rather than going into too much detail about the dismemberment and disposal of the the bodies that he is most remembered for - with passing references to the disposal of the bodies being more than enough for me, and the rituals thankfully redacted in some cases. Even so, this part of the book did make me feel rather grubby and in need of more than a few breaks with some more wholesome reading material!
The second is simply entitled Life, and deals with his arrest, trial and 35 years behind bars, split up into chapters headed by the names of the prisons where he was held. For me, this by far the most interesting part of the book - especially the parts about the life of a Category A prisoner.
This is where we really come to know Nilsen, and even appreciate his sense of humour which really surprised me. He describes about how he keeps himself occupied, his hobbies, his rare friendships, relationships and moves between different prisons, right up until his final illness and death. He writes of a quiet and mild mannered prisoner devoted to music, film studies, his budgies and writing about his life - although he does seem to get into trouble on occasion. He talks at length about working with various authors and journalists though is mostly disparaging about their efforts, and he is down right hostile when recounting the way the gutter press portray him - though considering the mostly fictitious articles, it is hardly surprising.
Although, much of his writing is clearly intended to paint him in a positive light, Nilsen freely acknowledges his guilt in the untimely deaths of 12 young men here and does show remorse for his crimes - although perhaps, his reasoning about his motives is a bit tenuous and his assertion that he is a different person to what he once was could never have been proven while he was a prisoner. His account is cogent and does throw up some meaty themes for debate around the nature of imprisonment and whether prisoners are there to be punished or reformed, and the contentious whole life sentences.
There are also some questions to be asked about the ownership of the personal possessions and written accounts of prisoners, and whether they should be allowed to publish their memoirs while still alive. I am inclined to side with the Home Office on this one, bearing in mind the thoughts and feelings of the families of the victims, but others may disagree. In any case, Nilsen's memoirs have now seen the light of day, and his long held wish to have his voice heard has now been fulfilled, for better or worse.
"There are monsters in this world;
they're just people.
There are strong people and there are weak people.
I think I am an amalgam of the two.
Judge for yourself."
Denis Nilsen
This is a very conflicting book to read, and is definitely one for the more reflective reader, rather than the serial killer groupie out for gruesome details of a murder's modus operandi. If you are going to take the plunge, I recommend reading both the foreword and introduction again once you have reached the end of the book, to remind yourself that the contents should be viewed with caution. Nonetheless, this is a fascinating book and one which I can recommend if you are interested in reading an account straight from the horses mouth, rather than through the eyes of someone with their own agenda.
January 16, 2021
“All my life, I'd been searching for the answer to the question, 'Where had grandad gone?' and 'Where was I going?'”
What was written before in an endeavour to comprehend such one-of-the-kind case becomes dim right next to the book, eventually meeting its readers, by Dennis Nilsen himself. And it is a final piece in the story of the most notorious British multiple murderer simply because nothing can be said more on the subject of his deeds and their nature. In this autobiography you won't find any outspoken and gut-wrenching details of killings and everything that happened after it, as if it still isn't so clear and well-described already in many sources. Well, by paying too much attention to it, you will for sure miss the whole point. And that's why I have so much enjoyed reading it. Because of the story that stands before man's actions and his life that carries on afterwards. I appreciate it the most.
Fascinated far earlier, as I have read famous 'Killing for Company' by Brian Masters, I can say now that it's nothing compared to the personal experience of Dennis Nilsen through his words that are unshortened and not taken out of context, also with his great sharp mind and its percipient remarks. And I believe — with his sincereity and intent to help to understand himself and to make own decisions and find the truth without imposing or biasing. That's why he never once had criticised or blamed someone in the book, even such people who deserve that in some way. Mainly because he understood that it's about what had been already done and impossible to change. And also because he never had a place for the hatred in his heart.
His story is told not due to some kind of attention to his persona or justification as well. Dennis Nilsen had a right and maybe even a purpose to do it, so he had made his best. And these memoirs can be useful too, as soon as it's obvious that such crimes must not be repeated in the future but there is a way to prevent them.
Therefore, personally, I really liked meeting Dennis Nilsen, who is, undoubtedly, a man of intelligence, with a sense of humor and some writing skills too. And as for me, I not only noticed his resistant optimism and demeanour but the great human tragedy behind that. And how, step by step, every event in his life just occurred to bring him closer to his fatal end.
What was written before in an endeavour to comprehend such one-of-the-kind case becomes dim right next to the book, eventually meeting its readers, by Dennis Nilsen himself. And it is a final piece in the story of the most notorious British multiple murderer simply because nothing can be said more on the subject of his deeds and their nature. In this autobiography you won't find any outspoken and gut-wrenching details of killings and everything that happened after it, as if it still isn't so clear and well-described already in many sources. Well, by paying too much attention to it, you will for sure miss the whole point. And that's why I have so much enjoyed reading it. Because of the story that stands before man's actions and his life that carries on afterwards. I appreciate it the most.
Fascinated far earlier, as I have read famous 'Killing for Company' by Brian Masters, I can say now that it's nothing compared to the personal experience of Dennis Nilsen through his words that are unshortened and not taken out of context, also with his great sharp mind and its percipient remarks. And I believe — with his sincereity and intent to help to understand himself and to make own decisions and find the truth without imposing or biasing. That's why he never once had criticised or blamed someone in the book, even such people who deserve that in some way. Mainly because he understood that it's about what had been already done and impossible to change. And also because he never had a place for the hatred in his heart.
His story is told not due to some kind of attention to his persona or justification as well. Dennis Nilsen had a right and maybe even a purpose to do it, so he had made his best. And these memoirs can be useful too, as soon as it's obvious that such crimes must not be repeated in the future but there is a way to prevent them.
Therefore, personally, I really liked meeting Dennis Nilsen, who is, undoubtedly, a man of intelligence, with a sense of humor and some writing skills too. And as for me, I not only noticed his resistant optimism and demeanour but the great human tragedy behind that. And how, step by step, every event in his life just occurred to bring him closer to his fatal end.
October 19, 2022
A fascinating document, a book like none other (maybe besides Gacy's memoir). A wonderful look into a mind of Des Nilsen, who was written about so much, but rarely asked questions. If we take this memoir by face value - it's priceless in understanding what Des thought and did. Very so rarely get offender's own look not only about their own life but also about media circus surrounding them. Des corrects and straightens out a lot of facts he saw as false and praised people who came into his life with no purposes of making a buck out of his story.
Des' life was a sad one, and that's one takeaway I have after reading this book. Was he really sorry for killing all those men? Perhaps. But he was rarely, if ever, sorry for himself. And that is something I have noticed as well. Take that as you will.
Nilsen didn't have a good life in the prison system and that is what he deserved. He also died a painful, horrible death, and that's what he deserved too. History of a Drowning Boy is the last chapter of his life and it's as good as one could hope.
Des' life was a sad one, and that's one takeaway I have after reading this book. Was he really sorry for killing all those men? Perhaps. But he was rarely, if ever, sorry for himself. And that is something I have noticed as well. Take that as you will.
Nilsen didn't have a good life in the prison system and that is what he deserved. He also died a painful, horrible death, and that's what he deserved too. History of a Drowning Boy is the last chapter of his life and it's as good as one could hope.
February 23, 2021
This book is really difficult to rate.
Obviously it wasn't fun or enjoyable to read. It was graphic and difficult to read
However, as someone who loves true crime and finds the mind of a serial killer fascinating.
There were parts of this book that were incredibly eye-opening and fascinating particularly his experiences in prison and his criticisms of the press.
There were other parts such as when he talks about getting his book written and published which were not that interesting.
Obviously I don't take everything he says in this book seriously given his personality disorder.
However, this book provides a very unique insight and it was interesting to read from the killers perspective for once instead of from a psychologist or journalist.
I do recommend this book if you are interested in serial killers and forensic psychology
TW: graphic descriptions of murder, rape, violence, torture, mutilation, animal abuse and suicide references
Obviously it wasn't fun or enjoyable to read. It was graphic and difficult to read
However, as someone who loves true crime and finds the mind of a serial killer fascinating.
There were parts of this book that were incredibly eye-opening and fascinating particularly his experiences in prison and his criticisms of the press.
There were other parts such as when he talks about getting his book written and published which were not that interesting.
Obviously I don't take everything he says in this book seriously given his personality disorder.
However, this book provides a very unique insight and it was interesting to read from the killers perspective for once instead of from a psychologist or journalist.
I do recommend this book if you are interested in serial killers and forensic psychology
TW: graphic descriptions of murder, rape, violence, torture, mutilation, animal abuse and suicide references
January 15, 2021
thanks to netgalley and the publishers for a free copy in return for an open and honest review
This book gives you an insight into the mind of serial killer as this book was written whilst he was in prison and is only being published after his death, it does describe his killings and talks about his life from northern east Scotland to joining the army and his short stint in the Met. some of the book describes some of his fantasies and can be seen as quite sexual but does have hints of paranoia as he berates Brian Masters who wrote the book about him not long after his Trial.
This book gives you an insight into the mind of serial killer as this book was written whilst he was in prison and is only being published after his death, it does describe his killings and talks about his life from northern east Scotland to joining the army and his short stint in the Met. some of the book describes some of his fantasies and can be seen as quite sexual but does have hints of paranoia as he berates Brian Masters who wrote the book about him not long after his Trial.
Want to read
March 16, 2024I'm kind of torn about whether I want to read this or not.
April 28, 2023
After reading about Dahmer, I decided to dive into the case of Dennis Nilsen and read Killing For Company. Even though I enjoyed it, I liked HoaDB a bit more, because even though what Nilsen says should be taken with a grain of salt, you can get a better sense of what makes him tick.
What makes Nilsen intriguing to me is that he had a lot of things going for him: he was a functional, productive member of society and quite a hard worker (even in prison, where he fought to improve the lives of prisoners); he had an artistic mind, hobbies, and intellectual curiosity; he was able to maintain a job and be financially independent; he didn't have trouble with the law before his murder career; he was still able to have some friends, lovers, and even relationships; he had self-esteem and confidence...
And all of this makes the fact that he became a serial killer even more baffling to me (and during his early 30s, which is unusual for a serial killer). It's such a shame, really. As I read the book, I couldn't help but think about all of the what-ifs.
Anyway, HoaDB was better than I expected. Des is quite a good writer and was able to keep me engaged throughout the book, even when describing his prison years. I'm glad I read the book, so I could make up my mind and reach my own conclusions since I seem to have interpreted certain things differently (in some cases maybe a bit more sympathetically, I must admit).
For example, some folks saw Des' complaints about prison as him not accepting his sentence or thinking he didn't deserve to be there. But he was like this - a chronic complainer - even as a tenant and an employee. Of course he would be dissatisfied and bitchy about being in prison lol And it's not like he was wrong in a lot of his criticism. At least he could be quite funny about it (btw, I think he's the only SK I've read about so far who seems to have a good sense of humor).
Even though I'm aware he was trying to push a certain narrative, I was surprised to see that the book wasn't so full of a "poor me" and "it wasn't truly my fault" attitude. In fact, I think HoaDB was a bit less charitable to Nilsen than KfC. Sure, Des is not as sympathetic, meek, and humble as Dahmer, but I didn't find his personality anywhere near as annoying and awful as, let's say, Keyes' smug edginess or Bittaker's monstrous character. Maybe it takes a lot more for me to consider someone unbearably narcissistic, arrogant, or pompous. That said, I still can understand why many people struggled to finish the book due to Nilsen's personality.
I'm pretty sure that, despite taking responsibility for his crimes, Des lied and distorted some events, It's always good to take what he says with a grain of salt while trying not to become too cynical and dismissive of everything he says at the same time. It was often hard for me to find that balance, though.
That said, his annoyance at being called a serial killer after being locked up for decades was funny and delusional. It's like that "But you f**k one goat..." joke. Dear Lord!
It often seemed that Des saw himself as the Oscar Wilde of serial killers and tried to embellish his life story. I wonder how much of it was just him trying to manipulate the image he wanted to give and how much of it was a part of him trying to deal with the cognitive dissonance between how he viewed himself (artistic, intelligent, refined) and his horrific, pathetic actions.
I remember thinking he was an unemotional, remorseless individual and maybe a psychopath when I first read about him. Then I came across this article stating that Nilsen once teared up during a psychiatric interview when he was required to talk about one of his brutal murders. It surprised me, just like many things I've read about him in HoaDB.
I think that personality-wise, Des was one of the most intriguing serial killers out there, and "History of a Drowning Boy" shows what a contradicting enigma Nilsen was. I particularly enjoyed noticing how Nilsen's mentality evolved as he grew older and was able to reflect on his life and past actions through a different POV. You may not get the entire objective truth from him, but at least you'll get to see things from his perspective.
What makes Nilsen intriguing to me is that he had a lot of things going for him: he was a functional, productive member of society and quite a hard worker (even in prison, where he fought to improve the lives of prisoners); he had an artistic mind, hobbies, and intellectual curiosity; he was able to maintain a job and be financially independent; he didn't have trouble with the law before his murder career; he was still able to have some friends, lovers, and even relationships; he had self-esteem and confidence...
And all of this makes the fact that he became a serial killer even more baffling to me (and during his early 30s, which is unusual for a serial killer). It's such a shame, really. As I read the book, I couldn't help but think about all of the what-ifs.
Anyway, HoaDB was better than I expected. Des is quite a good writer and was able to keep me engaged throughout the book, even when describing his prison years. I'm glad I read the book, so I could make up my mind and reach my own conclusions since I seem to have interpreted certain things differently (in some cases maybe a bit more sympathetically, I must admit).
For example, some folks saw Des' complaints about prison as him not accepting his sentence or thinking he didn't deserve to be there. But he was like this - a chronic complainer - even as a tenant and an employee. Of course he would be dissatisfied and bitchy about being in prison lol And it's not like he was wrong in a lot of his criticism. At least he could be quite funny about it (btw, I think he's the only SK I've read about so far who seems to have a good sense of humor).
Even though I'm aware he was trying to push a certain narrative, I was surprised to see that the book wasn't so full of a "poor me" and "it wasn't truly my fault" attitude. In fact, I think HoaDB was a bit less charitable to Nilsen than KfC. Sure, Des is not as sympathetic, meek, and humble as Dahmer, but I didn't find his personality anywhere near as annoying and awful as, let's say, Keyes' smug edginess or Bittaker's monstrous character. Maybe it takes a lot more for me to consider someone unbearably narcissistic, arrogant, or pompous. That said, I still can understand why many people struggled to finish the book due to Nilsen's personality.
I'm pretty sure that, despite taking responsibility for his crimes, Des lied and distorted some events, It's always good to take what he says with a grain of salt while trying not to become too cynical and dismissive of everything he says at the same time. It was often hard for me to find that balance, though.
That said, his annoyance at being called a serial killer after being locked up for decades was funny and delusional. It's like that "But you f**k one goat..." joke. Dear Lord!
It often seemed that Des saw himself as the Oscar Wilde of serial killers and tried to embellish his life story. I wonder how much of it was just him trying to manipulate the image he wanted to give and how much of it was a part of him trying to deal with the cognitive dissonance between how he viewed himself (artistic, intelligent, refined) and his horrific, pathetic actions.
I remember thinking he was an unemotional, remorseless individual and maybe a psychopath when I first read about him. Then I came across this article stating that Nilsen once teared up during a psychiatric interview when he was required to talk about one of his brutal murders. It surprised me, just like many things I've read about him in HoaDB.
I think that personality-wise, Des was one of the most intriguing serial killers out there, and "History of a Drowning Boy" shows what a contradicting enigma Nilsen was. I particularly enjoyed noticing how Nilsen's mentality evolved as he grew older and was able to reflect on his life and past actions through a different POV. You may not get the entire objective truth from him, but at least you'll get to see things from his perspective.
September 2, 2024
Will most people find this work full of expedient, observed inventions or will it enlighten them with things more deeply human? What was my motive? What was my ambition in writing this book? It was to be recognised as ‘human’ and to lay the guts of my psyche before you. Well, those who read this will have the knowledge that the man they are reading about is long dead. I write for the future where judgements can have no effect on us; the past having conclusively happened. Let this be the concluding chapter of my testimony; the vain spoutings of a weak man searching for humanity.
I'm SO glad I fantasized about being a Digimon as a kid rather than a corpse that gets molested by old men.
Nilsen tells his story. Or, his words are arranged in a story by a sympathetic executor.
The overwhelming impression is that this guy was just fucked, to put it lightly. Growing up poor and gay in 50s north east Scotland, a fatherless bastard, obsessed with morbid fantasies from boyhood, molested by his grandfather. If there was any window where he could have been saved from himself, it was pretty narrow and absolutely impossible in his social environment. Even with all that, it's still hard to see why, exactly, it went so far. The way he tells it, it's as if he went about life, taking his small opportunities to act out his fantasy on drunk or drugged out men, then suddenly it progressed to murder, and he was locked in from there. He can't provide much more of an answer than any external observer, other than the details of his fantasy life.
Can we trust him? If anyone is telling his own story, it's at least partly because he wants to shape perception of himself. He makes clear that he wants to show that he had a human side, that his every moment was not pure evil. He doesn't deny that he was guilty, and admits that his defence of diminished responsibility wasn't especially fitting. Other than his murders, he admits few crimes. There is strangling a cat in childhood, which he claims he regretted immediately, and various molestations of men and his older brother. If we take his admissions as fact, he had no obvious sadistic streak or habitual violence, until he suddenly became a killer. His fantasy scenario meant that his molestation victims couldn't be harmed in any way they could detect afterwards. He claims that if he had access to a date-rape drug, he probably would have "only" been a serial molester. It all seems convenient for his thesis that he is guilty, but not evil.
Further there is the matter of how much he could tell apart fantasy and reality. He admits that he was living in a fantasy world from an early age, that whenever he was not forced to be engaged in the real world, he was fantasizing. It strikes me that a lot of his claimed gay encounters before his cruising period, seem an awful lot like concocted fantasy scenarios. What are the odds he was actually kidnapped by an Arab taxi driver in Yemen, stripped naked and forced into a trunk? What are the odds that it was just a fantasy, that perhaps he even came to believ happened?
The actual chapter on his killings is quite short and not terribly graphic. He makes the point that the lurid details of his crimes had already been printed by the tabloids and true crime books, so there was no real need for him to labour the point. The most interesting points are that he required two things: anonymity on the part of the victims, and an uninterrupted ritual. He could not kill his past boyfriends or those he knew, because they were people to him. The corpses in his fantasies were mere props that could be acted on, imaginatively inhabited, and observed from an external perspective (he would manipulate them in front of a large mirror so he could do all three at once). He claims that later, as names were put to faces, and he heard the pained words of their family members, he experienced anguish as he was forced to understand the reality of his actions. If the sequence of the ritual was broken, he might give up. In the case of Carl Stottor, he showed signs of life as Nilsen prepared to bathe him, so he elected to give up on the murder and simply slept with him. In one case, he attempted to kill the victim via smoke inhalation by leaving a towel on a heater, but was discovered and was able to pass off the smoke, and the filled bath, as a half-asleep mistake.
By far the most interesting section is about his years as a maximum security prisoner. He spent 34 years in a half dozen prisons, often in solitary confinement or Vulnerable Prisoner Units (aka the nonce wing). There he met several famous rapists, mass murderers, and serial killers, including Robert Maudsley, who spent most of his life in solitary, Graham Young, the St. Albans Poisoner, and Jeremy Bamber, who murdered his entire adoptive family. He observes the differing layouts, cultures, and managements of the prisons he was in. Interestingly, he doesn't seem especially bothered by solitary confinement. Obviously it was worse than being in his normal cell, but apparently it was never able to break him. He recalls being jokingly miffed that they didn't give him a freebie on his fiftieth conviction. I suppose living in a fantasy world most of your life really prepares you for being locked in a featureless box for 23 hours a day. He says several times that surviving prison is all about state of mind and positive adaptation, and he in fact attempted to counsel a suicidal prisoner who didn't believe he could survive ten years in Full Sutton.
What seemed to really bother him were the blocks on publishing his autobiography, which he viewed as in contravention of freedom of expression, lies told about him in the tabloids, and the arbitrariness and stupidity of prison management. He accepted that he was certainly deserving of life in prison given his crimes, and it was not the unpleasantness of prison that grated on him so much as the dishonesty about its purpose. Lip service about rehabilitation is worse to him than the punishment itself. In his eyes, the Sexual Offenders Treatment Program was in no way an attempt to treat anything, but merely a roundabout way to trick prisoners into confessing further crimes so their secrets could be passed onto police for prosecution. Policies varied between prisons for no other reason than the whims of the prison governors.
He relates all kinds of odd anecdotes, such as selling his clothes to Madame Tussaud's Wax Museum for £500, his correspondence with a Norwegian ballet dancer who later murdered a prostitute, his friendship with Lord Longford, a Labour party prison reform campaigner, and an incident where Donald Nielson was confused for him and brought out to meet Nilsen's friend Mark Austin. Apparently true crime books were available in max security prison libraries, including Brian Master's book on Nilsen, Killing for Company, which his fellow prisoners read, and caused a brief rift between Nilsen and Jimmy Butcher, his lover. He also writes about the prisoner's attempts to acquire some education, put on plays, and their work. He covers mostly his work transcribing novels into braille, but also mentions that early on he was employed boxing up video games sold for the Christmas season. Just think, somewhere out there in Britain is a boy who received a copy of some shitty ZX Spectrum game boxed by one of Britain's most infamous serial killers.
Nilsen's favourite word: frisson. I can easily believe there was no editorial hand altering Nilsen's words given how often this word is repeated.
February 16, 2021
Although not many people will agree, I believe that everyone deserves to tell the truth and express their side of the story... regardless of what they have done. Dennis Nilsen, though posthumously, has written this book with brutal honesty. Since his arrest, he never once denied, or been in denial, about what he did. He has always been completely honest about his crimes and victims, his fantasies etc. And for me, after reading this the whole way through, I have some level respect for him. He's very open and very honest, and let's face it... you don't ever see serial killers do this. I also have a level of respect for the utmost remorse he has for what he did, that he expresses a few times throughout this book.
His childhood was traumatic. I mean, imagine being homosexual in the 50's, 60's, 70's etc., it was illegal and frowned upon. He didn't have any friends and his mother was an utter cow (not going to mince my words here) and he ended up living in a fantasy world, though not a healthy one but nevertheless, he did. He had no one to talk to about his thoughts, his sexuality. He was abused by his grandfather and was too scared to tell a soul. I mean, read this for yourself. There is so many triggering and mitigating factors from his past that I am not totally surprised that he did what he did... thought let me say this... I would never, ever condone what he did. He took lives in a brutal way.
I am glad he carried on his biography of his life in prison. It truly shows how the British penal system are flawed. The officers treated him like a dog, he was beaten and bloodied many times and reprimanded because of what officer's did. It is disgusting. What happened to Human Rights? I believe, whilst in prison, Nilsen did reform, and he did get better. He did not hurt a soul in his many, many years inside and that says something.
He did some heinous crimes, but what happened to him in prison was disgusting. I guarantee the officers involved did not get punished... they never do.
All in all, I feel heartbroken for Dennis Nilsen as a little boy, who lacked the love and empathy that every child needs in life to progress into a healthy minded adult. I felt sorry for him for his treatment in prison. But I understand why he did what he did, even if he couldn't quite understand himself. And although he did bad things, I hope he rests in peace.
His childhood was traumatic. I mean, imagine being homosexual in the 50's, 60's, 70's etc., it was illegal and frowned upon. He didn't have any friends and his mother was an utter cow (not going to mince my words here) and he ended up living in a fantasy world, though not a healthy one but nevertheless, he did. He had no one to talk to about his thoughts, his sexuality. He was abused by his grandfather and was too scared to tell a soul. I mean, read this for yourself. There is so many triggering and mitigating factors from his past that I am not totally surprised that he did what he did... thought let me say this... I would never, ever condone what he did. He took lives in a brutal way.
I am glad he carried on his biography of his life in prison. It truly shows how the British penal system are flawed. The officers treated him like a dog, he was beaten and bloodied many times and reprimanded because of what officer's did. It is disgusting. What happened to Human Rights? I believe, whilst in prison, Nilsen did reform, and he did get better. He did not hurt a soul in his many, many years inside and that says something.
He did some heinous crimes, but what happened to him in prison was disgusting. I guarantee the officers involved did not get punished... they never do.
All in all, I feel heartbroken for Dennis Nilsen as a little boy, who lacked the love and empathy that every child needs in life to progress into a healthy minded adult. I felt sorry for him for his treatment in prison. But I understand why he did what he did, even if he couldn't quite understand himself. And although he did bad things, I hope he rests in peace.
March 26, 2021
This book is a difficult read, even to someone who has been watching and reading anything relating to true crime for years — this is unlike any book I have ever read. Sure, an insight into Dennis Nilsen’s mind is intriguing, but I i think I despise him even more now that I have read his life story. Throughout the entire book he plays victim; he constantly talks about articles written about him and how they make up lies about him, talking about respect as though he is a man who deserves it. He was clearly an arrogant man who was unaware of the damage he’d caused, and I don’t for a second believe that he felt any guilt for the things he had done. As interesting as this book is, I don’t want him to get any attention from it because that is clearly what he desires. That being said, no other book goes into depth as much as this one does, making it a unique and fascinating read for someone as interested in serial killers as I am. I would not read this book or approve of its publishing if he had been alive at the time. This is a very interesting book to read, but would be better had it not been for the chapter after chapter about his prison life — how can you spend 23 hours a day behind bars and still create so many stories?! I wanted to read about him, but most of the time he spoke about other people in his prison or people who were writing about him in news articles. The book was clearly fascinating but I wanted more of his childhood, his crimes, what drove him, not the boring parts of his life. Towards the end I ended up skipping large chunks simply out of boredom. Nevertheless, I’m glad I read it. It was very interesting and definitely not a book I will forget any time soon. I would recommend this to any true crime/serial killer fans; you won’t find another book like this anywhere.
March 2, 2021
As someone who is hugely into true crime, serial killers and criminal psychology, this book really called out to me. I first learned Des had written an autobiography when he passed away in 2018 and it was just a case of waiting until it was finally published. It was definitely worth the wait. It might seem macabre to some and even morally wrong that a serial killer has been given a voice but the way Des writes really does pull you in. Des never glossed over his crimes and was honest about everything he'd done his whole life. His childhood chapters make for sad reading and one does wonder whether his treatment as a child went some way toward shaping his actions as an adult. Some of his fantasies may seem a little creepy (and believe me the ones that made it to print are tame compared to what they cut out) but the parts where Des describes his prison life had me hooked. Obviously we have to take what he's written with a pinch of salt as there is no way to verify its accuracy but I'm fairly certain Des was completely truthful in everything he says including the mistreatment by the prison guards. I'm glad this book made it to print and I'm glad Des was able to make his voice heard. Yes he was a serial murderer but he also deserved to have the truth told about him and it seems that was what he fought for his entire incarceration. In short whatever you may think of him, it's hard not to have a form of respect for him by the time you get to the end of the book. For anyone interested in true crime, criminal psychology or just interested in hearing a serial killers own words. Read this book, you won't regret it.
January 14, 2021
I was not expecting this to be as long as it was. The ebook given was 849 pages long and most of it was rambles and who cares.
This book is thirteen chapters long, and only one is dedicated to his crimes and then a further eight are about his time in prison. He spent five years killing and he only gave us one chapter? That's clearly why the majority of the readers are actually reading, nobody cares that you put on plays in prison. So boiling it down to one chapter, which was pretty generic felt like a ripoff.
The rest of this book is just him talking about the sexual abuse he suffered as a child by his grandfather, his weird sexual obsession with his brother, Olav, the rest of his sexual fantasies, and his boring time in prison. Who knew he could make prison sound so boring? I'm fascinated by the workings of prisons but his constant chapters on it nearly put me to sleep, countless times.
I'd give this book a miss unless you love reading about self-obsessed serial killers, who drone on about the simplest of things.
TW for the book: it uses the slur g*psie, and mentions a fair amount of homophobia.
>I received an ebook of this from NetGalley, in return for an honest review.
This book is thirteen chapters long, and only one is dedicated to his crimes and then a further eight are about his time in prison. He spent five years killing and he only gave us one chapter? That's clearly why the majority of the readers are actually reading, nobody cares that you put on plays in prison. So boiling it down to one chapter, which was pretty generic felt like a ripoff.
The rest of this book is just him talking about the sexual abuse he suffered as a child by his grandfather, his weird sexual obsession with his brother, Olav, the rest of his sexual fantasies, and his boring time in prison. Who knew he could make prison sound so boring? I'm fascinated by the workings of prisons but his constant chapters on it nearly put me to sleep, countless times.
I'd give this book a miss unless you love reading about self-obsessed serial killers, who drone on about the simplest of things.
TW for the book: it uses the slur g*psie, and mentions a fair amount of homophobia.
>I received an ebook of this from NetGalley, in return for an honest review.
September 7, 2021
I received an audio ARC of this book through NetGalley in exchange for an honest review.
Man, where to start with this one. I have always been a true crime enthusiast. Serial killers fascinate me and sparked a desire in me to learn more about the psychology of people. I have read a lot of books on true crime and listened to many podcasts covering true crime and serial killers. I have never experienced something like this book.
I don't even know how to rate this book or express my thoughts on it. How do you talk about the life and motivations of a serial killer written by his own hands. What "facts" around the case and the person are true? The ones from the killer himself? From those that were looking from the outside and looking for answers?
In all, this will be a book that I think about and ponder over often. I'm not sure I will ever read another book like this - either willingly or because nothing like this will be published again.
It is important to know that he describes his own childhood abuse in detail and also the abuse and murders of the men he murdered. It is not a book for the those that cannot read about those situations.
Man, where to start with this one. I have always been a true crime enthusiast. Serial killers fascinate me and sparked a desire in me to learn more about the psychology of people. I have read a lot of books on true crime and listened to many podcasts covering true crime and serial killers. I have never experienced something like this book.
I don't even know how to rate this book or express my thoughts on it. How do you talk about the life and motivations of a serial killer written by his own hands. What "facts" around the case and the person are true? The ones from the killer himself? From those that were looking from the outside and looking for answers?
In all, this will be a book that I think about and ponder over often. I'm not sure I will ever read another book like this - either willingly or because nothing like this will be published again.
It is important to know that he describes his own childhood abuse in detail and also the abuse and murders of the men he murdered. It is not a book for the those that cannot read about those situations.
February 27, 2021
I read this after watching the program "Des" on television. I thought it would be interesting to read about a serial killer from his own viewpoint, and Nilsen wrote prolifically throughout his life. I expected him to try to justify his actions, but actually his self serving story made me shake with rage. Throughout he has a rather detached energy as if it is he that was the victim, and that circumstance and his own sad story made him commit his heinous crimes. He pays lip service to taking responsibility for his actions, but he constantly shifts the blame, and plays up his alleged intelligence and bravery. His fantasies in italics thought the book are sickening, and are pure titillation, both for himself and his reader. They made me feel ill, and they shouldn't see the light of day. I know, a serial killer who's not very nice, what a shocker eh?
April 9, 2024
When a person with a warm heart reads such a book, they do so looking for answers as to how someone can be so different.
I found my answers. Parts of the book where very uncomfortable to read, for example when he saw no difference between a child and an adult apart from height.
The remainder of the book was starkly human in many respects. It confirmed my suspicions that some serial killers are capable of remorse, but only up to a very low bar.
People are not JUST their actions, but some actions are so reprehensible as to render the guilty party defined by them. This man - and he was a man as well as a monster - changed the world for the worst. His words in his autobiography didn’t.
I found my answers. Parts of the book where very uncomfortable to read, for example when he saw no difference between a child and an adult apart from height.
The remainder of the book was starkly human in many respects. It confirmed my suspicions that some serial killers are capable of remorse, but only up to a very low bar.
People are not JUST their actions, but some actions are so reprehensible as to render the guilty party defined by them. This man - and he was a man as well as a monster - changed the world for the worst. His words in his autobiography didn’t.
Read
July 10, 2024I don't think it's appropriate to rate it.
February 8, 2021
TW: animal abuse, sexual abuse, sexual assault, graphic content, murder, mutilation and necrophilia/necrofetishism.
This is a very difficult review to write and give a star rating and I even considered whether to give it a rating at all but from a psychology point of view this book is incredibly interesting and thought provoking regarding the mind of a serial killer. Also, without trying to glamorise Dennis Nilsen, he is a very compelling and honest writer to the point where in some sections it is very harrowing. For those that are unaware, Dennis Nilsen was a serial killer throughout the 70's-80's who murdered at least 12 men and boys and attempted to murder another 6 in London. This book is the first of it's kind, to my knowledge, and was written by Dennis Nilsen himself whilst he served life in prison. Personally I feel there has always been a fascination in terms of his psychology as when he was arrested he was extremely calm and never tried to deceive or lie to the police about his crimes. This memoir discusses his entire life in a very open way and includes the sexual abuse he endured as a child from his Grandfather, the lack of male role model in his life and his suspected sexual assault whilst he was in the army. Without going into too much detail or expressing my opinion, it does make you wonder from a psychological point of view as to whether these events had an impact on the person he became in his later life. Overall, I think if you are interested in true crime or psychology then this is a very intriguing read and I would recommend it.
This is a very difficult review to write and give a star rating and I even considered whether to give it a rating at all but from a psychology point of view this book is incredibly interesting and thought provoking regarding the mind of a serial killer. Also, without trying to glamorise Dennis Nilsen, he is a very compelling and honest writer to the point where in some sections it is very harrowing. For those that are unaware, Dennis Nilsen was a serial killer throughout the 70's-80's who murdered at least 12 men and boys and attempted to murder another 6 in London. This book is the first of it's kind, to my knowledge, and was written by Dennis Nilsen himself whilst he served life in prison. Personally I feel there has always been a fascination in terms of his psychology as when he was arrested he was extremely calm and never tried to deceive or lie to the police about his crimes. This memoir discusses his entire life in a very open way and includes the sexual abuse he endured as a child from his Grandfather, the lack of male role model in his life and his suspected sexual assault whilst he was in the army. Without going into too much detail or expressing my opinion, it does make you wonder from a psychological point of view as to whether these events had an impact on the person he became in his later life. Overall, I think if you are interested in true crime or psychology then this is a very intriguing read and I would recommend it.
June 29, 2022
In the 1970's, Dennis Nilsen was convicted of killing twelve young men, but his true number of murders is probably sixteen or more. For that, he was convicted and given a life sentence and served thirty-four years before his own death. This is Nilsen's autobiography.
He was born in Scotland and lived with his mother, siblings and grandparents. Some of his earliest memories were of his grandfather molesting him, an act that extended across years. When he was old enough, Nilsen joined the army and was well thought of but left due to the impossibility of being openly gay. He was a policeman for a short time and then started his murderous acts. He would invite the men home with him from a bar, drug them, strangle them, then use their bodies in his fantasy ritual.
While this was an interesting look into his mind, in the end it was a basically self-serving exercise. The majority of the book was of his life in prison which is inevitably a very limited viewpoint as not much occurs differently from day to day. Even after years, he admits to having fantasies about various men he sees and thinks about how he would kill them. Would his life have been different if he hadn't had a history of early molestation and if the laws about homosexuality had been different as he grew up? Perhaps but the reality is we each most live with the situation we find ourselves in and most do not use others in such a way to satisfy their own needs. This book is recommended for true crime readers.
He was born in Scotland and lived with his mother, siblings and grandparents. Some of his earliest memories were of his grandfather molesting him, an act that extended across years. When he was old enough, Nilsen joined the army and was well thought of but left due to the impossibility of being openly gay. He was a policeman for a short time and then started his murderous acts. He would invite the men home with him from a bar, drug them, strangle them, then use their bodies in his fantasy ritual.
While this was an interesting look into his mind, in the end it was a basically self-serving exercise. The majority of the book was of his life in prison which is inevitably a very limited viewpoint as not much occurs differently from day to day. Even after years, he admits to having fantasies about various men he sees and thinks about how he would kill them. Would his life have been different if he hadn't had a history of early molestation and if the laws about homosexuality had been different as he grew up? Perhaps but the reality is we each most live with the situation we find ourselves in and most do not use others in such a way to satisfy their own needs. This book is recommended for true crime readers.
August 8, 2021
My disappointment in History of a Drowning Boy began with the synopsis. This implies I'm about to enter the mind of a serial killer. I requested the book. Explicit male-on -male sex, pickups, rapes, pedophilia, and molestation are the focus of the book in nauseatingly raw detail: not mentioned at all in the synopsis.
I do enjoy autobiographies, true crime, and serial killer insights. However, the excessive abuse had me wondering was I being punished. At one point I looked to see if I misread or possibly skimmed the synopsis. Some more audio, and I looked at the site again, did I miss seeing this is a text book? No I had not.
I hope you find this note helpful when deciding whether or not you can stomach the graphic content.
Thank you Netgalley for giving me the opportunity.
#Netgalley
#DennisNilsen
#TrueCrime
#DreamscapeMedia
#SerialKiller
#DrMarkPettigrew
#Audiobook
I do enjoy autobiographies, true crime, and serial killer insights. However, the excessive abuse had me wondering was I being punished. At one point I looked to see if I misread or possibly skimmed the synopsis. Some more audio, and I looked at the site again, did I miss seeing this is a text book? No I had not.
I hope you find this note helpful when deciding whether or not you can stomach the graphic content.
Thank you Netgalley for giving me the opportunity.
#Netgalley
#DennisNilsen
#TrueCrime
#DreamscapeMedia
#SerialKiller
#DrMarkPettigrew
#Audiobook
February 20, 2021
Reassured that the man was getting no monetary gain from this book and loving true crime, I pre-ordered this. To begin with Nilsen almost convinces you, slowly, that his crimes were ‘normal’ and a perfectly reasonable result of his childhood traumas! You soon see that this man was a bitter, twisted, narcissist who sees any different opinions as a personal affront! Always right, he whines like a child when he feels the punishment for murdering 12 young men is too harsh and it hurts his ego. Better off dead? Yes, absolutely! Makes you angry at times? Sure! but still a great read for true crime fans.
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March 10, 2024“I think back on the misery I have wrought and I drift back to the beginning. There is always the sea and the rocks and the sky. Green grass, the hills and the trees. And the sands, rivers and dunes. Always back to the sea. To the drowning boy, me.”
This book is horrifying to read and I’m refusing to give this book a rating.
This book is horrifying to read and I’m refusing to give this book a rating.
February 5, 2025
History of a Downing Boy Dennis Nilsen
Audio Version
Overall Grade: B
Information: B
Writing/Organization: B-
Narration: B+
Best Aspect: Very interesting to hear the story of a serial killer from the killers words.
Worst Aspect: Very hard to stomach in parts. TW- Many, but child rape was very hard to hear about.
Recommend: Yes.
Audio Version
Overall Grade: B
Information: B
Writing/Organization: B-
Narration: B+
Best Aspect: Very interesting to hear the story of a serial killer from the killers words.
Worst Aspect: Very hard to stomach in parts. TW- Many, but child rape was very hard to hear about.
Recommend: Yes.
August 7, 2021
"There are no monsters in this world,
They're just people.
There are strong people and there are weak people, I think I'm an amalgam of the two
Judge for yourself."
...
"I wanted to stop, but I couldn't. I had no other happiness in my life."
...
The strangest book I've ever read:))))))))
They're just people.
There are strong people and there are weak people, I think I'm an amalgam of the two
Judge for yourself."
...
"I wanted to stop, but I couldn't. I had no other happiness in my life."
...
The strangest book I've ever read:))))))))
March 27, 2022
Very interesting that it’s written from the perspective of a serial killer but also very hard to read in places for that reason!
February 18, 2024
I almost rated this book lower but the end was truly heart-wrenching. This is a story that you have to take a step back to understand just how sick this guy was. I think just like the intention of the book was stated it gives a view into how Dennis Nilsen's mind worked during the different times of his life. It is written in a way that is very personal and it carries you through the various prisons he inhabited during his years of incarceration. Very sad and a graphic read.
January 20, 2021
It will come as no surprise to hear that the autobiography of serial killer Dennis Nilsen is not an easy read. It is, however, intelligent and articulate and not without warmth and humour, and it's easy to see why Nilsen evaded suspicion and capture for so long. It's easy to understand why this unassuming, apparently gentle chap with a fondness for animals seemed so 'normal' to his colleagues, acquaintances and the police.
However. The detached way in which he describes his crimes, and their monstrous nature, leaves the reader in absolutely no doubt as to the type of man Nilsen was. The luridly drawn sexual obsessions and details of abuse he himself suffered are widely covered and make for very uncomfortable reading. We can never know the truth behind any of Nilsen's claims - it's clear from this sprawling book, written over the many years of his incarceration, that his fantasy life was rich indeed. But that fantasy life in itself gives the reader a chilling insight into the mind of a murderer.
There is no doubt that Nilsen was an excellent writer, much as it pains me to compliment him in any way at all. He was also, to a degree, very self aware; by his own admission, he was a narcissistic psychopath, and the signs for what his life would become were there from childhood, documented in detail here. This is also a prison memoir and his dinner party-esque anecdotes about the characters he met behind bars, and his much loved pet birds, are a stark contrast to the man who was capable of the crimes be committed.
A difficult book in very many ways, but essential reading for true crime aficionados and those with a deeper interest in the psychology of those who commit dreadful crimes alike.
My thanks to the publisher and Netgalley for the ARC in exchange for an honest review.
However. The detached way in which he describes his crimes, and their monstrous nature, leaves the reader in absolutely no doubt as to the type of man Nilsen was. The luridly drawn sexual obsessions and details of abuse he himself suffered are widely covered and make for very uncomfortable reading. We can never know the truth behind any of Nilsen's claims - it's clear from this sprawling book, written over the many years of his incarceration, that his fantasy life was rich indeed. But that fantasy life in itself gives the reader a chilling insight into the mind of a murderer.
There is no doubt that Nilsen was an excellent writer, much as it pains me to compliment him in any way at all. He was also, to a degree, very self aware; by his own admission, he was a narcissistic psychopath, and the signs for what his life would become were there from childhood, documented in detail here. This is also a prison memoir and his dinner party-esque anecdotes about the characters he met behind bars, and his much loved pet birds, are a stark contrast to the man who was capable of the crimes be committed.
A difficult book in very many ways, but essential reading for true crime aficionados and those with a deeper interest in the psychology of those who commit dreadful crimes alike.
My thanks to the publisher and Netgalley for the ARC in exchange for an honest review.
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September 21, 2023Though "History of a Drowning Boy" is one of the most disturbing books I've ever read there's no way of denying that Dennis Nilsen was a skilled writer. He compells the reader and offers a one of a kind- look inside the mind of one of Britain's most infamous serial killers.
It is a horrifying read, not only because of Nilsen's own actions and crimes (which he describes in an almost cold and rational way) but also because it depicts the abuse in his upbringing and the sad, ostracising reality that was the everyday life of queer/homosexual men in the 1950's and onward.
The second half of the book gives a detailed inside look into the justice system and the maximum-security prisons Nilsen was detained in until his death 2018. It also shows how the media (and public) tries to profit of the horrifying crimes committed. With no regard whatsoever for the truth, no respect for the victims or their families and with only one goal in mind - make money, and become "famous". This is not something unique for Nilsens story - unfortunately it's just how the society works and shows the cruel nature of humans. Like Nielsen writes in the epilogue: "I was capable of killing my fellows, not because I was a monster but because I was a human."
"History of a drowning boy" is a harrowing and heartbreaking read and it is difficult to give a star rating because that just seems so banal compared to what I've just read. From a psychology point of view the book is thought-provoking and incredibly interesting will stay with me a long time.
It is a horrifying read, not only because of Nilsen's own actions and crimes (which he describes in an almost cold and rational way) but also because it depicts the abuse in his upbringing and the sad, ostracising reality that was the everyday life of queer/homosexual men in the 1950's and onward.
The second half of the book gives a detailed inside look into the justice system and the maximum-security prisons Nilsen was detained in until his death 2018. It also shows how the media (and public) tries to profit of the horrifying crimes committed. With no regard whatsoever for the truth, no respect for the victims or their families and with only one goal in mind - make money, and become "famous". This is not something unique for Nilsens story - unfortunately it's just how the society works and shows the cruel nature of humans. Like Nielsen writes in the epilogue: "I was capable of killing my fellows, not because I was a monster but because I was a human."
"History of a drowning boy" is a harrowing and heartbreaking read and it is difficult to give a star rating because that just seems so banal compared to what I've just read. From a psychology point of view the book is thought-provoking and incredibly interesting will stay with me a long time.
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