Kendini İçinde Ara

by Chade-Meng Tan

With Search Inside Yourself, Chade-Meng Tan, one of Google’s earliest engineers and personal growth pioneer, offers a proven method for enhancing mindfulness and emotional intelligence in life and work.

Meng’s job is to teach Google’s best and brightest how to apply mindfulness techniques in the office and beyond; now, readers everywhere can get insider access to one of the most sought after classes in the country, a course in health, happiness and creativity that is improving the livelihood and productivity of those responsible for one of the most successful businesses in the world.

With forewords by Daniel Goleman, author of the international bestseller Emotional Intelligence, and Jon Kabat-Zinn, renowned mindfulness expert and author of Coming To Our Senses, Meng’s Search Inside Yourself is an invaluable guide to achieving your own best potential.

Genres: Nonfiction, Self Help, Psychology, Personal Development, Business, Meditation, Philosophy

280 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 2012

About the author

Chade-Meng Tan (Meng) is Google's Jolly Good Fellow (which nobody can deny). Meng was one of Google's earliest engineers. Among many other things, he helped build Google's first mobile search service, and headed the team that kept a vigilant eye on Google's search quality. His current job description is, "Enlighten minds, open hearts, create world peace".

Outside of Google, Meng is the Founder and (Jolly Good) President of the Tan Teo Charitable Foundation, a small foundation dedicated to promoting Peace, Liberty and Enlightenment in the world. He is a Founding Patron of Stanford University's Center for Compassion and Altruism Research and Education (CCARE). He is also a Founding Patron of the World Peace Festival, and adviser to a number of technology start-ups.

Meng earned his MS in Computer Science from the University of California at Santa Barbara. He went to Santa Barbara mainly for the beach, but didn't mind the graduate degree either. He considers himself a Buddhist "on most weekdays, especially Mondays". He is an avid meditator, because meditation facilitates in him inner peace and happiness "without doing real work". Meng occasionally finds himself featured on newspapers. He was featured on the front page of the New York Times and delivered a TED talk at the United Nations. He has met three United States Presidents, Obama, Clinton and Carter. The Dalai Lama gave him a hug for his 40th birthday. His personal motto is, "Life is too important to be taken seriously".

Meng hopes to see every workplace in the world become a drinking fountain for happiness and enlightenment. When Meng grows up, he wants to save the world, and have lots of fun and laughter doing it. He feels if something is no laughing matter, it is probably not worth doing.

Reviews

[Osman · Rating 1 out of 5]

Search Inside Yourself by Chade-Meng Tan

This book sounded good. I’m interested in meditation and concentration techniques, and this promised to be an engaging exploration by a keen mind. The subtitle, ‘The Secret Path to Unbreakable Concentration, Complete Relaxation and Total Self-Control’ was enticing.

However, I had to abandon it when the style and elitism of the author became unbearable.

Chade-Meng Tan is a top Google executive, and he's not shy telling us. He has all the right credentials: pat corporate-speak (‘high resolution emotion’, ‘outside the box’), a host of powerful friends (Dalai Lama, Deepac Chopra), an off-putting elitist attitude, and boundless love for all things Google.

Meng is happy to be with Google, ecstatic even. He breathlessly tells us that the ‘worlds Happiest man’ (a monk called Matthieu Ricard apparently) would have been even more happy if only he'd been a Google employee. Unfortunately, Google wasn’t around back in the 70s when this guy was getting happy, so ‘the monk thing seemed like the next best career choice’.

Google can do no wrong according to Meng, from granting it’s employees 20% of work time for their own projects to giving them all free lunches. (whoopee!)

On page 170 he mentions a book on business growth called ‘Good to Great’. He suggests that the early developers of Google (a group including himself of course) embodied the spirit set out in this book - including the ideal of a special type of leader: one who has great ambition coupled with great humility. 'These leaders are highly ambitious, but the focus of their ambition is not themselves; instead they are ambitious for the greater good.' I guess we’re supposed to believe that Google is run by saints solely for the betterment of society.

Meng’s tone throughout is a corny and unconvincing self-deprecation. He reckons himself just one of the guys. So he might ‘ask the boss for a raise’ (as if he’s working in a garage) or he might be ‘amused that Google lets [a mere] engineer teach emotional intelligence. What a company.’ He goes on: ‘I knew my engineering degree was good for something.’ (p.4) like he was joking with the blue collar boys at the downtown bar. It’s all a bit cringe coming from this high-flying nerd.

At other times he seems less ashamed of his privilege. He loves to rub up alongside celebrity, and the name-dropping is heroic: Barak Obama, The Dalai Lama, Richard Gere, will-i-am, Gwyneth Paltrow, Deepac Chopra, Bill Clinton, Natalie Portman. These people are his ‘friends’ apparently.

He also makes a queasy equation between high power with high moral ground. You just know he's a Democrat, and that he is one step away from telling you how to live your life and what your kids should be reading.

He seems to want to marry capitalism at it’s most rampant with ancient spiritual techniques. ‘What if contemplative practices can be made beneficial both to people’s careers and to business bottom lines?’ (p3). He doesn’t seem to be aware of any weird juxtaposition here. You get the distinct feeling that for all his precious talk of ‘world peace’ he really wants to make lots of money.

Meng claims to be a rational man, ‘being very sceptical and scientifically minded, I would be deeply embarrassed to teach anything without a strong scientific basis’ (p.3). Quite right; yet he apparently feels like an 'unqualified child' next to ('his friend') Deepac Chopra (p.75). Surely a rational man wouldn’t rush so readily into an endorsment of this outstanding New-Age charlatan.

But Meng is a little bit ‘Californian’ shall we say on matters New Age. When he goes on about the Dalai Lama, for example, he employs a typical hyperbolic New Age style. We are told that this religious leader is someone who can inspire arch sceptics (Paul Ekman) just by holding their hand for ten minutes while radiating ‘an abundance of goodness within his entire being.’ (p184). These wild claims belong in a hagiography rather than a serious work on meditation, and certainly don't sound 'scientific'.

Chade-Meng Tan likes most to talk about himself. You get many hokey self-references: ‘if Meng can cook so can you’ or ‘If Meng can sit, so can you’. He appears to have no qualms in referring to: ‘compulsively pragmatic people like me’ (p.4), or speaking of the “Many hundreds of strangers [who] tell me that I have inspired them” (p.126). He kindly gives us some examples of his poetry (p.207), and proclaims, in case we should be left in any doubt of his bona fides: “... I find myself able to project a quiet but unmistakable self-confidence, whether I am meeting world leaders like Barak Obama... or dealing with a traffic cop... I watched a video of myself speaking at the United Nations, I was amazed at how confident I appeared. Heck, if I didn’t already know the guy on that video, I would have thought him to be very cool.” (P74). One soon gets the impression that Meng quite likes himself.

He appears to have become so used to corporate life that the only people he can relate to are fellow high-flyers. Nearly all the people he mentions are millionaire CEOs or celebrity ‘friends’. He claims to gain inspiration from entrepreneurs such as the ‘millionaire CEO Tony Hsieh’ who pushes the idea of ‘delivering happiness’ to his customers. This sort of corporate blather may inspire Meng but effects me like an overdose of candy-floss.

The lifestyle he leads persuades him to equate the rewards of 'fulfilling our higher purpose' with: '..a big bonus, a special mention by a company vice president, a story in the New York Times, or an expression of gratitude from the Dalai Lama.' (p.115). Most of these dubious rewards aren't available to the average person and just seem to reflect the aspirations of a brown-nosing and greasy pole climbing corporate rat-race.

Please, count me out Meng. A special mention by a company vice president does not fulfil my life’s higher purpose!

And so we return to the theme of World Peace which is Meng’s special desire. Listening to him one gets the impression that he considers himself to be the inventor of the concept:

'I am amazed by how much my simple aspiration for world peace has resonated with so many people' (p.126)

'My own dream is to create the conditions for world peace in my lifetime' (p.125)

'Soon, I was building a network of allies (whom I jokingly call the ‘grand conspiracy for world peace)' (p.126)

This ‘conspiracy’ includes luminaries such as Richard Gere, will-i-am, Owen Wilson.

He seems to like Pope John Paul II whom he quotes enthusiastically at the start of his ‘Three Easy Steps to World Peace’ Chapter (p.195). A pope whose contributions to world peace included covering up the vast network of paedophiles that the Catholic church embraced; denying condoms to those infected with AIDs in Africa, and condemning atheists as morally repugnant.

So how will world-peace come about? It will spread through the world from its source: Meng’s meditation workshops at Google. ‘The way to create the conditions for world peace is to create a mindfulness-based emotional intelligence curriculum, perfect it within Google, and then give it away as one of Google’s gifts to the world.” (p.201) Hurrah for Google. And Meng, of course, is the prime mover; the true saviour of the world!

Sorry Meng, you may mean well but my bullshit detector is off the scale. Still I dare say you will get a good hearing from Deepac, Gwyneth and will-I-am.

[Rosie Nguyễn · Rating 4 out of 5]

Trước đây một lần khi mình tham gia nói chuyện trong một chương trình cho người trẻ, một bạn khán giả đã hỏi: Làm thế nào để hiểu bản thân mình rõ hơn, quản lý cảm xúc của mình, biết được cái gì phù hợp với mình. Mình có chia sẻ một kinh nghiệm của bản thân là dành thời gian tĩnh lặng để soi rọi bản thân mình, viết nhật ký cảm xúc để ghi nhận trải nghiệm của mình, và nếu được, thì thử ngồi thiền. Lúc đó một diễn giả khác (tên đã bị giấu đi để bảo vệ sự an toàn cho...mình) có lẽ có ấn tượng không tốt về thiền (và cả về mình) nên đã không ngần ngại phang lại ngay, và dùng kỹ thuật nói chuyện trước đám đông để tấn công quan điểm của mình. Đó là một trải nghiệm khá ê mặt,một phần vì vị diễn giả kia quá giỏi giang và cứng cỏi, không quan tâm luôn tới các quy tắc ngầm giữa người nói chuyện trên sân khấu. Nhưng cũng một phần vì nhận ra mình còn khá non, quen lối kể chuyện có sao nói vậy, chưa chặt chẽ và chưa có hậu thuẫn bằng các chứng cứ khoa học nên mới bị vị diễn giả kia bẻ.

Khi đọc Search Inside Yourself, mình tình cờ nhớ lại trải nghiệm ê ẩm đó, và thấy nhẹ lòng. Thiền và nhật ký cảm xúc thật sự giúp ích, không chỉ cho những người đầu không có tóc mặc áo cà sa ở trên núi cao, mà cho một kẻ phàm phu tục tử sống giữa đời thường nhưng mình chẳng hạn. Mình có thể sai, nhưng tác dụng của thiền thì không thể phủ nhận. Còn tác dụng như thế nào, thì trong sách đã dẫn chứng rất đầy đủ.

Search Inside Yourself vẫn thường được quảng bá là quyển sách về thiền do một kỹ sư Google viết. Điều này có hàm ý bên trong là một người lý tính, làm việc thường chỉ dựa trên các số liệu, nghiên cứu khoa học, dẫn chứng đầy đủ như một kỹ sư mà lại viết sách về thiền sao. Thực ra, điều mình thấy tác giả đang cố làm, là (giống như Đạt Lai Lạt Ma) tiếp cận thiền và nỗ lực biến nó thành một bộ môn khoa học (giống như nhân loại đã thành công với ngành y tế). Tác giả đưa ra những cách thức rất dễ dàng và hài hước để áp dụng thiền vào cuộc sống thường ngày, không chỉ là những lúc ngồi trên nệm thiền, mà còn cả trong thiền đi, thiền nghe (hay còn gọi là lắng nghe chánh niệm, sử dụng thuật ngữ thắt nút và nhúng mình), thiền nói, thiền trong giải quyết mâu thuẫn với các mối quan hệ căng thẳng.

Có khá nhiều kỹ thuật và thông tin hữu ích, giúp mình thực tập thiền trong hiện tại dễ hơn. Mình thích nhất là các bài tập cảm thông cho người khác, ví dụ nghĩ về người mình ghét và thực tập bài: người ta cũng như mình thôi. Và các bài thực tập làm tăng tâm từ ái với hơi thở nữa. Và khi đọc quyển mình được hiểu rõ ràng hơn khá nhiều điều khác. Ví dụ là tại sao các thiền sư trong các khóa thiền mình học vẫn thường căn dặn là phải chú ý tới các hoạt động thường ngày của mình, khi đứng lên biết mình đứng lên, khi đánh răng biết đang đánh răng, khi ăn biết ăn, khi uống biết uống. Hay ví dụ tại sao phải nuôi dưỡng tình thương. Ví dụ là chuyện hướng tới cái mục tiêu tối thượng của đời mình sẽ giúp người ta vừa tham vọng vừa khiêm tốn như thế nào.

Đây thực sự là một quyển sách rất rất hay, dễ đọc, hài hước, nghiêm túc, sâu sắc và có đầu tư kỹ lưỡng. Cách tiếp cận mới mẻ về một đề tài khá khoai đem lại những góc nhìn thú vị, chắc chắn sẽ rất hữu ích cho những ai có hứng thú về thiền (mà không hề liên quan gì tới tôn giáo).

Mình hơi tiếc là mình đọc quyển sách này muộn. Nếu đọc sớm hơn thì mình sẽ trả lời câu hỏi của bạn khán giả kia tốt hơn. Buổi trò chuyện hôm đó vì không tiện đôi co trên sân khấu, và thời gian không cho phép nên mình không thể giãi bày. Nhưng nếu có dịp quay lại, mình sẽ thay đổi câu trả lời đối với đề tài nhạy cảm này, tiếp cận một cách nhẹ nhàng, chia sẻ trải nghiệm bản thân, đưa ra dẫn chứng khoa học cụ thể, chốt lại gọn ghẽ để người nghe dễ nhớ.

Viết lan man như vậy cũng để rút kinh nghiệm. Để nhắc mình nhớ rằng mình còn non nớt nhiều, và phải học thêm nhiều lắm.

[Thomas Holbrook · Rating 4 out of 5]

When a trusted friend suggested I read this popular book, I was interested but leery of reading – yet another – “step-by-step” plan for meditation. Typically, books on deepening one’s awareness or spirituality or devotional life are old plans retreated to appear as “new information” with the requisite (and obvious) reminder that daily adherence to the plan is required. This book’s power lies in it stating the truth that living and life are to be found the moments of “mindfulness.” Search Inside Yourself addresses this truth (that we have learned NOT to notice life) with clarity, humor and forthrightness while helping the reader to “wake up.”
The author, a well-trained Engineering Scientist for the internet juggernaut Google, developed the Search Inside Yourself program (during the 20% time Google allows its employees to “work on whatever they are interested in”) to help his fellow workers be more relaxed, think more clearly and be more productive. This once in house program has evolved into Meng’s new job and the charge to “bring about world peace,” a lofty goal and one he is convinced is achievable. This will be completed by the peoples of the world learning to “search inside themselves” to discover the stillness, direction and acceptance needed to cease the striving at the root of all conflict.
Because of my faith tradition, when I hear Meng speak of “mindfulness,” I hear “contemplation” as understood from the Monastic traditions. That being said, this is the best, most concise discussion of, and instruction in, meditation I have found. In reading after the desert fathers, ancient and modern mystics and contemporary contemplatives, I have been exposed to the need for this discipline but have rarely found as clear instruction as to how one is to practice it as this text. There are numerous exercises, empirically based (Meng being an Engineer cannot proffer anything without data) suggestions that lead the reader toward developing their own styles for this practice included throughout each chapter. None of the exercises are difficult to learn but will take a lifetime to approach mastery. The nature of Mindfulness is not as much about mastery as it is about developing and enhancing awareness of Self and one’s surroundings/actions/thoughts.
This is not a book to read once and put away, neither is it to be read quickly. The “how to”ness is found in the space discovered within one’s Self as one “wakes” up to the world around and inside them. Meng, and countless other writers, speaking of like disciplines, says “everything is a reason to become aware of.”

[Todd N · Rating 2 out of 5]

Couldn’t hang with this book after somewhere around the third chapter. Just too painful. I don’t know what I was thinking getting this book.

Well, actually I do. I figured maybe it would be a nice change to give mindfulness a try instead of my usual state of slowly being consumed in a fire of all-consuming rage. Further I figured that since I worked at Google for six-ish years maybe a class designed at Google for Google employees would be well-suited for me.

I was vaguely aware of this class when I worked there from the AOL (Art Of Living) posters that were hung up all over the place, but I tended to just do my work once I got on campus. I was usually so busy that didn’t have time for these kinds of things. Maybe that’s the point. Sometimes I’d go see an interesting speaker when he or she came to campus.

[[[Aside: There were certain people who would go to pretty much every talk early, save seats for their friends, get the free books, etc. It was obvious who these people were because they were pretty conspicuous sitting alone in the front row of an empty auditorium with a sweater draped over a bunch of chairs. This is ostensibly one of the perks used in recruiting, so more power to them.

The one person I really wanted to see speak enough to show up early was economist Robert Shiller. I remember that when I reached in a box in a the back of the room for a copy of his book, Subprime Solution, I literally got my hand slapped by someone who told me they were only for people who worked for Hal Varian’s group. Fine. Whatever. It was a good talk though.]]]

Anyway, there may be actual good content in this book, but I couldn’t find it under the self-deprecation that rings false and corny jokes that warp around a smugness vortex until they become anti-jokes.

I was hoping for something scientific, or at least something both my left- and right-brain could chew on. But I think that if this book had a proper editor and an author not quite so impressed with himself or his employer, it could be boiled down to maybe a few index cards worth of material.

I am in a less mindful state from having encountered this book.

[Jessie Young · Rating 2 out of 5]

I read this book after reading a review in the NYT. The review was actually more of a feature on the author than a review, but the topic seemed interesting and he has definitely done good work.

In the end, I didn't love it. I think that the whole "look at us we work at Google that is so hard" thing didn't work for me. Because I know people who work at Google and trust me, there are much harder jobs. I do agree that people in the workplace are too stressed these days and we need to deal with it, I just don't know if I found any novel points in this book to help with that.

The reason for two stars is that the content was pretty good, it just wasn't new to me. (don't think I actually finished this one)

Highlights:

We can usually experience emotions more vividly in the body than in the mind. Therefore, when we are trying to perceive an emotion, we usually get more bang for the buck if we bring our attention to the body rather than the mind.

Meta-attention is also the secret to concentration. The analogy is riding a bicycle. The way you keep a bicycle balanced is with a lot of micro-recoveries. When the bike tilts a little to the left, you recover by adjusting it slightly to the right, and when it tilts a little to the right, you adjust it slightly to the left. By performing micro-recoveries quickly and often, you create the effect of continuous upright balance. It is the same with attention. When your meta-attention becomes strong, you will be able to recover a wandering attention quickly and often, and if you recover attention quickly and often enough, you create the effect of continuous attention, which is concentration.

happiness is not something that you pursue; it is something you allow. Happiness is just being.

Alan Wallace: “Have expectations before meditation, but have no expectation during meditation.”

The classical analogy is ice breaking up on a frozen lake. To a casual observer, the breakup seems like a sudden phenomenon, but it is actually due to a long period of gradual melting of the underlying ice structure. In Zen, we call it gradual effort and sudden enlightenment.

Thoughts and emotions are like clouds—some beautiful, some dark—while our core being is like the sky. Clouds are not the sky; they are phenomena in the sky that come and go. Similarly, thoughts and emotions are not who we are; they are simply phenomena in mind and body that come and go.

Daniel Goleman identifies five emotional competencies under the domain of self-regulation: 1. Self-control: Keeping disruptive emotions and impulses in check 2. Trustworthiness: Maintaining standards of honesty and integrity 3. Conscientiousness: Taking responsibility for personal performance 4. Adaptability: Flexibility in handling change 5. Innovation: Being comfortable with novel ideas, approaches, and information

We have the tendency to feel bad about feeling bad. I call it “meta-distress,” distress about experiencing distress. This is especially true for sensitive and good-hearted people. We berate ourselves by saying things like, “Hey, if I am such a good person, why am I feeling this much envy?”

[Winnie Lim · Rating 5 out of 5]

Read this in two sittings, one during dinner and one after dinner-induced food coma.

I picked up this book because I was curious what would one of the most famous Singaporeans (at least in tech) write on the intangible subject of Happiness.

I was not disappointed and actually the book turned out to be way beyond my expectations.

He advocates using mindfulness meditation as a tool to increase happiness and creativity, gives plenty of scientific evidence and statistics to prove that meditation is not just for new-agey crazy people (like me). I did not know Google actually offered this as a course for Googlers and it was very encouraging to know that the course gave a positive impact on those who took it.

The author's humor was prevalent throughout the book and simply by reading it, it made me smile.

More importantly, he also explained why he wanted to write this book and why it was important to him. I could feel his enthusiasm and passion for the subject throughout the book.

I rate this book highly for these reasons:
1. It was very enjoyable to read because of the author's humor.
2. It offered practical and easy to understand steps to learn mindfulness meditation
3. He substantiated it with science (yay for the skeptics)
4. It was very inspiring for me because this book is a great example of how something with great impact can start from a simple idea.
5. Full of great quotes like –

"wilting flowers do not cause suffering; it is the unrealistic desire that flowers not wilt that causes suffering."

[Casey · Rating 4 out of 5]

Meditation has turned into somewhat of a sexy practice these days, especially among techie types. Case in point: this book about meditation, written by the person in charge of meditation at Google. However, this is not some business book about increased productivity. Indeed, Chade-Meng Tan’s goal in life is to change the world through increased personal contentment and compassion.

I started practicing meditation before I actually knew what meditation was, although I certainly wouldn’t consider myself even close to being an expert. As a kid, I had guided meditation tapes (why I had them, I have no idea), and my mom taught me how to chant ohm when we got stressed out looking for parking (can you tell I grew up in Southern California?).

But, like many others, I didn’t really get into meditation until I started doing yoga. At the beginning, I wasn’t exactly putting in the best effort towards meditating during shavasana, but then I experienced something magical. During a yoga class in college, my instructor asked us to imagine a white ball of energy inside the chest. She guided us in mentally moving the ball of energy around ourselves, allowing us to focus on each part in turn. I felt surprisingly energized afterwards. I wanted to learn more about meditation.

After my first real experience with meditation, I started doing it with more frequency, but relatively timidly. I practiced the breathing exercises I’d learned to help myself go to sleep. I used meditation to stop being annoyed by traffic. I practiced breathing in positive energy and letting the negativity leave my body. Many, many years later I’ve been making a point to deepen my practice, planning time for it so that I don’t stop doing it when I need it most. Unsurprisingly, I’ve been reading as much as I can about it as well.

This book is filled with great information and meditation exercises, the same ones used in the Search Inside Yourself course at Google. Some of my favorites are the loving kindness meditation (trying to remember that Donald Trump is also a human that desires happiness is really quite difficult) and the empathic listening exercises. Search Inside Yourself is definitely a great toolbox for anyone interested in meditation.

[diane · Rating 4 out of 5]

To people who meditate regularly, the beginning of this book will be things you already know (well, I assume so - I meditate regularly, and fee that the start of the book was a refresher course). But the science behind the examples was interesting and reinforced my commitment to meditate regularly.

And then it changed. This book took the practice of meditation and explained how it helped you at work. Like. For reals. No, really for reals.

And then it just... kept going. It kept building on the ideas that came before and there is a clear and true path to inner peace, as well as performing better at work, having better relationships, and ultimately ... world peace.

I know what it sounds like. I do. But for reals, this is one of the clearest ways I've ever read about that really does address the HOW to get there, as well as the why. But I like the HOW, since I'm a can-do kinda girl.

Read the book. It doesn't matter what religion you are, or even if you don't have religion. The practice of meditation has quantifiable results (no joke, I lowered my blood pressure to be within in normal ranges with just 10 minutes a day for a week), both physiologically but psychologically as well!

Perhaps you don't care about world peace. That's legit. But the methods in this book will help you achieve both personal peace and work peace. Those things right there make it worth reading.

[Guna · Rating 5 out of 5]

Man prieks, ka lasīju šo grāmatu tieši šobrīd. Viens no lielākajiem Eureka! momentiem ir atziņa, ka nepatiku pret citu cilvēku manī raisa nevis tas, ko viņš pasaka vai izdara, bet gan mana nepatika pret manis pašas emocijām (nespēja tās tolerēt), ko tā rezultātā izjūtu. Voila! :)

[Duong · Rating 3 out of 5]

Nghe audio book
Nó là tổng hợp của các lợi ích của thiền, các phát biểu của những vị danh sư, mà 1 hỗn hợp các kiểu thiền "tự chế", dễ, hoặc rất dễ, lười, hoặc rất lười.
Nó bị ảnh hưởng rất mạnh bởi thiền sư Thích Nhất Hạnh, thật sự không cần đọc cuốn này nếu đã đọc sách của thiền sư từ trước.

[Phuong Anh Ha · Rating 3 out of 5]

Nếu bạn thường xuyên gặp các vấn đề liên quan đến cảm xúc của mình, ví dụ như: lo lắng về công việc về tương lai, buồn bã, mệt mỏi, căng thẳng, mất động lực, bị kích thích vì những yếu tố bên ngoài… Nếu bạn đã có đôi lần tự hỏi vì sao “người khác” lại có vẻ hạnh phúc vậy, còn hạnh phúc của mình ở đâu,… Thì chắc là bạn nên thử quyển này xem sao.

Quyển sách sẽ đưa ra những hướng dẫn để giúp mình tự hiểu chính bản thân mình, bằng cách hiểu và improve “trí thông minh cảm xúc���.
- Khi mình bị kích thích, tức giận, buồn bã,… thì những biểu hiện lúc đó là gì
- Nguyên nhân vì sao
- Mình có thể làm gì để kiểm soát nó

Đồng thời đưa ra những bước giúp mình khám phá ra “tương lai lý tưởng” cho bản thân
- Giá trị của mình là ở đâu
- Mục tiêu của mình là gì và nó có align với những gì mình làm hiện tại ko
- Cách để biết “tương lai lý tưởng” dành cho bản thân là ra sao và làm thế nào để đạt đc nó. 

Ở 1 version thực tế hơn thì việc hiểu bản thân mình sẽ giúp:
- Ko để những căng thẳng lo lắng tác động đến cảm xúc vui vẻ của mình, bằng cách bắt được những “tín hiệu” của cảm xúc tiêu cực và biết cách để nó ko làm ảnh hưởng đến bản thân
- Có phương pháp để giúp bản thân hiểu mình muốn gì, mình cần gì và mình nên làm gì để đạt đc nó

Tuy nhiên, tựu chung lại, hạnh phúc là trạng thái mặc định của tâm trí. Vì vậy, khi tâm trí trở nên anh tĩnh và rõ ràng, nó trở lại trạng thái mặc định và trạng thái mặc định đó là hạnh phúc. Vậy thôi. Không có phép thuật nào cả.

Khi mình hiểu chính bản thân mình đủ đầy, hạnh phúc sẽ luôn ở bên, phẳng lặng như đáy biển, dù bên trên có dao động như thế nào.

[Audrey · Rating 4 out of 5]

The writing style is a bit too dumbed-down and seems to have some forced humor. I enjoyed the practical snippets that recommend actionable steps you can take toward meditation and leading a life with more inner peace and happiness.

[Huong Man · Rating 4 out of 5]

Cách đây độ chừng 2 năm, mình biết đến cụm từ Search inside yourself vì đó là thời điểm khóa học này bắt đầu được triển khai ở đây. Mình nghe qua như một khóa học về kỹ năng, tận dụng phương pháp thiền và băn khoăn vì sao thiền tác động đến hiệu suất của công ty, và vì sao khóa liên quan đến thiền mà lại được xây dựng và áp dụng bởi các kỹ sư Google. Đọc xong quyển này giải tỏa hầu hết các câu hỏi này và thỏa mãn. Điều không thỏa mãn duy nhất là vì mình đọc nó dưới dạng 1 cuốn sách, mà cuốn sách này không đơn thuần về kiến thức mà đòi hỏi sự thực hành, mà không phải thực hành 1-2 lần mà là dài hạn. Vì vậy, dù đã cố đọc chậm hết cỡ (hơn 1 tháng mới xong cuốn sách 300 trang) nhưng mình vẫn chưa thẩm thấu hết được các cách thức mà cuốn sách truyền tải. Có lẽ sẽ cần đọc đi đọc lại nhiều lần nữa, mỗi lần tập theo 1 chương để rèn luyện. Để dành lại 1 sao để nếu thực hành thấy hay nữa thì đánh giá thêm :P

[Greg · Rating 2 out of 5]

If this were my first self-help/psychology book, I would probably have loved it. But the author makes so many references to books I've already read (Mindset, 7 Habits, Difficult Conversations, The Artists Way, even basic yoga principles), that there was very little new information. So while the information is useful, I have to give it a two-star "okay" for the lack of news, and his corny jokes.

[Nikolay · Rating 4 out of 5]

My hopes for the book were that it would be the one book about mindfulness I could recommend to all friends, because it was coming from an engineering mind. It almost lived up to my expectations, but not quite. While the bullshit levels were super low, the depth was sometimes lacking and substituted with name-dropping.

Still, it was a great overview of mindfulness – some theory, a ton of practices, which I think will be useful to everybody in the “creative workforce”.

Give it a try.

What I mostly got out of the book were the kindness and compassion practices – I guess that’s what I am lacking the most :-)

[Selin Alper · Rating 5 out of 5]

Arkas Akademi bir kaç ay önce bu kitabı eğitim vesilesi ile hediye ettiğinde, açıkcası kitabın başlığı beni biraz rahatsız etmişti. Büyük laflar, mutluluğu bulmanın bilmem kaç yolu, verimliliği / yaratıcılığı artırmak filan, bazen fazlaca anlam yüklenmiş kelimeler gibi geliyor(du) bana. Kitabın dayandığı temel slogan benim de algı yönümü değiştirdi; “Bir mühendis bile duygusal zeka ile gelişebilir”.
.
Rasyonel, matematik kafalı, analitik insanların duygusal zeka ile hayatta daha başarılı olabileceklerini/ fark yaratabileceklerini söylüyor kitap. Benim de bu yaşıma kadar meditasyon, duyu ve duygusal içerikli aktivitelere -pek çok kere denesem de- yeterince ilgi gösteremememin nedeni tam da buydu. Somut kavramlara dayanan, somut gerçeklerle beslenen bir zihin soyut alana kolay adapte olamıyor, hayatın sonsuz rutini de aynı rutinde kalmak üzere besliyor memur zihniyetlerimizi. Kitabın sunuş kısmında kitabın çevirmeni olan Nil Gün şöyle ifade ediyor;
.
📌“Kitabı farklı kılan şey, meditasyonu ve duygusal zekayı, sol beyinli mühendislerin de ‘bilimsel’ olarak ikna olabileceği şekide izah etmesi ve öğretmesiydi.”
.
📌”Meditasyon bir sağ beyin faaliyetidir. Sol beyin ağırlıklı insanların sağ beyin faaliyetlerini uygulamaya ilgi duymalarını sağlamak hüner ister. Nihai amaç hem sağ hem sol beynimizi aktivite ederek bütünsel beynimizle kendimizi, diğer insanları ve hayatı algılamaktır.”
.
📌Bunun için de ‘dikkat’ ve ‘farkındalık’ kavramlarına odaklanıyor kitap; ”Derin kendini tanıma ve radikal dürüstlük, kalıcı özgüven kazanmak için gereklidir. Kalıcı özgüven, kendinden hiçbir şeyi saklamamaktır. Kendinden hiçbirşeyi saklamamak, isabetli özdeğerlendirme yapmaktan geliyor. Eğer kendimizi isabetle değerlendirebilirsek, en büyük güçlerimizi ve en büyük zaaflarımızı netçe ve objektif olarak görebiliriz. Kendimize karşı dürüst olduğumuzda en derin hayallerimizin ve en karanlık arzularımızın farkında oluruz. Hayatla ilgili en derin, en önemli önceliklerimizi öğreniriz. Önemli olmayanlardan vazgeçeriz. ... İsabetli öz değerlendirme, güçlü duygusal farkındalıktan gelir...”

[Pavel · Rating 3 out of 5]

Některé myšlenky jsem shledal velmi inspirativní. Připojím několik citací:

Viktor Frankl: Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space lies our freedom and our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our happiness.

UCLA lab of Matthew Lieberman: There is a simple technique for self-regulation called "affect labeling", which simply means labeling feelings with words. When you label an emotion you are experiencing (for example, "I feel anger"), it somehow helps you manage that emotion.

Accurate Self-Assessment was the hallmark of superior performance... Individuals with the Accurate Self-Assessment competence are aware of their abilities and limitations, seek out feedback and learn from mistakes, and know where they need to improve and when to work with others who have complementary strengths. Accurate Self-Assessment was the competence found in virtually every "star performer" in a study of several hundred knowledge workers. On 360-degree competence assessments, average performers typically overestimate their strengths, whereas star performers rarely do; if anything, the stars tended to underestimate their abilities, an indicator of high internal standards A k tomu moje "note to self": Je důležité realistický sebeodhad nezaměňovat se sebedůvěrou. Obojí je něco, o co je žádoucí usilovat.

Impact and intentions: Difference between impact and intention in conversations: We assume that the impact is the intention. Usually, we judge ourselves by our intentions, but we judge others by the impact of their behavior, because we do not really know their intentions, so we subconsciously infer their intentions based on the impact of their behavior.

[Jeanne · Rating 4 out of 5]

Star performers in the tech sector differ from average performers in six ways: a strong achievement drive, ability to influence others, conceptual thinking, analytical thinking, initiative in taking on challenges, and self-confidence (Goleman, 1998). If you're looking at this list and thinking success here goes well beyond technical skills, you're right. Can these skills be built? Chade-Meng Tan's argues that they can be; Search Inside Yourself outlines Meng's professional development program at Google to do just that.

Search Inside Yourself has forewords from both Daniel Goleman (emotional intelligence) and Jon Kabat-Zinn (mindfulness training). His insights come from connecting these two approaches in a novel way: (a) using a regular mindfulness practice to train attention, so as to (b) develop greater self-knowledge and self-mastery, and (c) create useful mental habits for approaching self and others. Meng offers a series of guided meditations and other exercises to facilitate this process and build these skills.

Search Inside Yourself is readable, irreverent, wise, and grounded in current scientific knowledge. Meng wrote to appeal to an audience other than that typical for these ideas – engineers low in emotional intelligence rather than people on a spiritual journey. In Search Inside Yourself he attempts to take these ideas to a larger audience and create world peace. That goal seems optimistic, yet people who regularly practice metta bhavana (lovingkindness meditations), Just Like Me (an empathy practice), and tonglen (a meditation sharing compassion with others) break down the barriers between one person and another that otherwise cause misunderstanding and interpersonal problems.

[Vũ Đăng Công · Rating 5 out of 5]

Cuốn sách này chính là hành trình đem khóa học Search Inside Yourself đến với tất cả mọi người trên thế giới. Đây là khóa học đã thay đổi rất nhiều con người trong Google, giúp những kĩ sư máy tính khô khan nhất cải thiện trí thông minh cảm xúc.
Tác giả cuốn sách là Chade Meng Tan một trong những kĩ sư đầu tiên của Google. Người đã mong muốn đem thiền đến với tất cả mọi người trên thế giới bằng tạo ra khóa học để giúp cải thiện EQ bằng thiền.
Thiền hiểu một cách đơn giản chính là rèn luyện khả năng chú ý. Là nền tảng quan trọng nhất trong việc cải thiện EQ. Nhận thức được bản thân và các cảm xúc trong cơ thể sẽ giúp chúng ta tách mình khỏi các cảm xúc và không bị lệ thuộc vào các cảm xúc. Thiền sẽ giúp chúng ta tập trung sự chú ý của mình vào các cảm xúc của cơ thể.
Tác giả là một kỹ sư nên ngôn ngữ trong cuốn sách vô cùng đơn giản để tất cả mọi người đều có thể hiểu được. Theo lời tác giả đó là: Tôi viết cuốn sách này đơn giản đến mức tôi cũng có thể đọc được.

Đây là một cuốn sách hay và có thể áp dụng được ngay vào thực tế để cải thiện EQ cũng như tiếp cận đến những lợi ích của thiền trong việc làm chủ bản thân.
Bản thân mình đã áp dụng những hướng dẫn thiền trong sách để có thể tập trung đọc cuốn sách này chỉ trong 2 ngày. Và lần lâu nhất là đọc 2h liên tục không nghỉ, không mệt.
Thiền thật ra không cao siêu như chúng ta vẫn hay nghĩ mà chỉ đơn giản là điều chỉnh sự tập trung của ta vào khoảnh khắc hiện tại của mình, tận hưởng công việc và khoảnh khắc hiện tại.

[Jessica · Rating 4 out of 5]

I liked this better than other mindfulness books I've read, like 10% Happier. Meng spearheaded the creation of a course for Google employees on mindfulness meditation (couched in the framework of building emotional intelligence, which is more "business-like") and then adapted the curriculum into this book. What I liked was that Meng sets a very low bar for entry into the practice of mindfulness meditation: he suggests practicing meditation the "easy way" — noticing your breath for 2 minutes — or the "easier way" — sitting for 2 minutes with no agenda whatsoever. He ties together individual stories of transformation, scientific research, and endearingly bad jokes to explain why you should practice mindfulness and provide a variety of options for practices you can try. Even if you find his approach too cheesy, the content is solid and practical and the exercises can be adopted almost immediately.

However! I do not recommend this on audio. The audiobook narrator was challenging to listen to. He over-enunciated all his words so that he sounded like an odd mashup of a radio announcer and a computer-generated voice. It was almost like he was trying to adopt an ironic, self-mocking tone, like, yes, this book is a kind of business-y self-help book in the mold of Who Moved My Cheese?, but we're not taking ourselves too seriously, so it's OK! See, there are jokes! Whatever the reason, it made it extra hard to focus on the content. The other reason I don't recommend the audio is that they completely wasted the additional opportunities the format provides. There are, throughout the book, meditation exercises detailed step-by-step, with instructions to "pause for 30 seconds" or "long pause." However, they chose not to actually include the pauses in the audiobook, which means if you want to follow along with the exercise, you have to constantly keep whipping out your phone to hit the pause button, by which point they've generally already read the next step in the exercise. If the pauses had been included, then it would have encouraged the reader to actually follow along in completing the meditation, or else they could choose to skip past the exercise altogether.

If you can get past the corporate taste of this book (and Meng's sometimes repetitive writing — he says "in other words" approximately 17 times per chapter), then this is a solid introduction to the benefits of mindfulness using an accessible format. It's relatively short, and I'd say it's worth the time to read it!

[Lutfi Yunus · Rating 4 out of 5]

[Self-Help]

Buku ini menceritakan tentang bagaimana kita mampu menguasai minda dan emosi diri sendiri. Tergolong dalam kategori ‘self-help’, buku ini merupakan adaptasi daripada program yang diguna pakai oleh syarikat google di Googleplex – Silicon Valley, Carlifornia; bagi meningkatkan kesedaran dan kepakaran staf dalam menguasai ‘emotional intelligence’.

Apatu ‘emotional intelligence’ ?

Dipendekkan cerita, emotional intelligence (EI) merupakan pasangan kepada intelligence quotient (IQ). Jika IQ mengukur status kepintaran seseorang dalam berfikir. EI pula mengukur status kepintaran seseorang dalam mengawal emosi.

Kenapa ‘emotional intelligence’ tu penting ?

Seiring dengan peningkatan usia, Emotional Intelligence memainkan peranan yang semakin penting bagi menentukan kemampuan kita dalam mengawal diri dan berkerjasama. Akhirnya ia menjadi sebuah aset dalam meraih kejayaan, kebahagiaan dan bagi sesetengah pihak - keamanaan dunia. Hakikatnya, walaupun tidak semudah teori, manusia tetap harus mencuba mempelajari dan memperbaiki. Hal ini bukan sahaja memanfaatkan individu di sekeliling kita, namun juga bermanfaat kepada diri sendiri.

Buku tu ada tak cerita tentang cara untuk meningkatkan ‘emotional intelligence’ ?

Ada & banyak. Bermula dari mengajar bernafas & berhenti sejenak untuk berfokus kepada sesuatu situasi maupun perkara. Kemudian dilanjutkan dengan kisah dan modul bagi mengenali diri dan memantapkan keyakinan diri. Dan akhir sekali memperkenalkan kisah dan konsep bagi memupuk nilai empati dan belas kasihan sesama manusia. Ketiga-tiga peringkat pemahaman tersebut secara tidak langsung akan membentuk Emotional Intelligence yang lebih kukuh, stabil dan cakna dengan keadaan sekeliling. Sehingga mudah-mudahan ia membantu dalam memperolehi minda dan emosi yang lebih terkendali dalam menelusuri kehidupan sehari-hari.

Sebagai konklusi, poin-poin penting dalam buku ni adalah:

1. ‘Breathing & Mindfulness’

2. ‘Self-confidence & Self-discovery’

3. ‘Empathy & Compassion’

4. ‘Emotional Intelligence’

15 Juli 2020,
Muhammad Lutfi,
Kajang, Selangor.

[Taylor Sullivan · Rating 4 out of 5]

Honestly loved it. Great takeaways. Love that it was backed by science/evidence-based.

[Wouter Zwemmer · Rating 4 out of 5]

Compact geschreven boek over mindfulness op basis van training bij google. Methode gebaseerd op Jon Kabat-Zinn. Bevat veel informatie.

Over mindfulness
Proces mindfulnessbeoefening:
1. Intentie. Wat is de reden om te rusten in aandacht. Je eigen welbevinden? Dat van anderen?
2. Volg je adem. Geest zorgt meestal voor afleiding. Wees bewust en keer terug naar adem. (Als spieren trainen: spannen - ontspannen)
3. Word je bewust van je innerlijke houding: hoe kijk je naar jezelf? Zelfkritisch, vriendelijk, nieuwsgierig, mild?
4. Terug naar je adem en je intentie en weer rond.

Optimale houding voor meditatie:
- rechte rug
- Benen gekruist, lotushouding
- Schouders ontspannen, rechtop, iets naar achteren
- Kin iets ingetrokken
- Ogen dicht
- Tong tegen je gehemelte
- Lippen iets van elkaar, kaken ontspannen

Uit onderzoek blijkt meditatie / mindfulness goed voor aandacht, hersenfunctie, immuniteit en huidaandoeningen.

Mindfulness uitbreiden langs twee assen:
1. Van rust (kussen) naar activiteit
2. Van jezelf naar anderen

Door mindfulness word je je weer bewust van het wonder en de schoonheid van alledaagse dingen. Je geniet er meer van omdat je er helemaal bij bent. Vormen:
- loopmeditatie
- Meditatie gericht op anderen: richt je onverdeelde aandacht op anderen
- Luisteren
- Converseren: luisteren, lussen (samenvatten en verdiepen totdat er wederzijds begrip is), dompelen (aandachtig eigen afleidingen tijdens conversatie opmerken, welke gevoelens roept de conversatie op?)

Mediteren lukt alleen als je je geest kunt ontspannen. Daarvoor geen verwachtingen hebben. Lichtheid leidt tot een rustige geest. Rustige geest is geschikt voor mindfulness, mindfulness stimuleert weer lichtheid.

Sukha
Sukha = gevoel van moeiteloosheid, geluk tijdens formele meditatie. Vreugde die geen energie kost. Is witte achtergrondruis: is er altijd maar valt niet op, heel subtiel, alleen contact mee te maken als je geest heel kalm is. Als een zacht zoemen dat alleen te horen is als iedereen stil is. Sukha dringt door in je dagelijks leven: maakt dagelijkse ervaringen vreugdevoller.

Aandacht
Aandacht heeft twee componenten:
1. Gericht. Focus, krachtig, stabiel, standvastig. Sluit andere onderwerpen uit. Gerichte lichtstraal. In meditatie: aandacht voor je ademhaling.
2. Open. Ontvankelijk, laat alles toe dat de geest bereikt. Open flexibel, uitnodigend. Gespreid licht. In meditatie: aandacht voor alles uit de omgeving dat via de zintuigen binnenkomt.

Meta-aandacht: aandacht voor je aandacht.

Proces van de geleidelijke inspanning en plotselinge verlichting: mediteren moet je lang oefenen zonder dat je vooruit lijkt te gaan, tot je opeens een sprong voorwaarts maakt.

Zelfgewaarzijn -> zelfregulering -> zelfvertrouwen. Hierna uitgewerkt:

Zelfgewaarzijn
Zelfgewaarzijn =
- emotioneel gewaarzijn: herkennen van emoties en hun uitwerking. Fysiologisch, emoties kunnen voelen in je lichaam. Maakt je bewust van je waarden (en waarden drijver van motivatie)
- Juiste zelfinschatting: eigen sterke punten en grenzen kennen. Op betekenisniveau, omvat ook zelfkennis.
- Zelfvertrouwen: besef eigenwaarde en capacitieiten. Flexibel ego: groot genoeg om niet geïntimideerd te worden, klein wanneer je echt iets kunt leren. Pas duurzaam bij diepe zelfkennis en grote eerlijkheid tegenover jezelf.
Oefeningen:
- Bodyscan: voor emotioneel gewaarzijn in je lichaam. Klassieke gebieden met emotie: hoofd, gezicht, nek en schouders, rug, borst, buik
- Schrijven: voor zelfinschatting, op betekenisniveau (mentaal)

Zelfregulering
We zijn niet onze emoties. Door mindfulness verschuiven emoties van 'ik ben' naar 'ik voel'. Tweede verschuiving over emoties is naar 'ik voel in mijn lichaam'. Gedachten en emoties zijn gewaarwordingen in geest en lichaam die komen en gaan; te beïnvloeden; zijn niet ons diepste wezen. Om te komen van emoties die ons voortdrijven naar zelfregulering:
- emoties en hun effecten begrijpen: zelfgewaarzijn
- Zelfregulering: is niet zelfbeheersing (onderdrukken)

Zelfregulering =
1. Zelfbeheersing: in de hand houden ontwrichtende emoties en impulsen
2. Betrouwbaarheid: eerlijk en integer zijn
3. Consciëntieus zijn: verantwoordelijkheid nemen
4. Mee bewegen: flexibel bij veranderingen
5. Innovatief: frisse blik, creatieve ideeën, nieuwe informatie
Van dwangmatig naar keuze

Loslaten: hebzucht en aversie
Boosheid = machteloosheid, je raakt buiten jezelf.
Verontwaardiging = vanuit kracht; je geest en emoties blijven onder controle.
Emoties kun je niet voorkomen. Je kunt wel leren om ze los te laten; hoe vaardiger hoe dichter bij het ontstaan.
Pijn en lijden zijn niet hetzelfde. Verschil ontstaat door loslaten. Kun je loslaten en tegelijkertijd genieten van het leven? Crux is het volgende loslaten:
- Hebzucht: vastklampen, weigeren los le laten
- Aversie: wegduwen, niet toelaten
Deze twee zijn samen verantwoordelijk voor het meeste lijden van mensen.
Aversie en hebzucht ontstaan heel snel na fysieke of mentale sensaties; normaal gesproken merk je de tijd ertussen niet. Door mindfulness leer je die tijd te voelen en te gebruiken:
- fysieke sensatie van pijn is niet de oorzaak van lijden (dat zijn hebzucht en aversie). Je kunt dus pijn leren voelen zonder te lijden.
- Je kunt genot ervaren zonder nasmaak van ontevredenheid. Het lijden komt door vastklampen aan genot, niet willen dat het eindigt. Door mindfulness leer je te genieten van het moment terwijl je weet dat het voorbij gaat.

Aversie is bron van meeste naar buiten gericht negatieve gedachten, projecties van eigen negatieve emoties op anderen (anderen dragen schuld, jij bent slachtoffer). Door mindfulness word je je bewust van dat proces. Daardoor neemt piekeren en obsessief denken af en neemt zelfvertrouwen toe.

Omgaan met emotionele pijn
4 algemene principes voor omgaan met emotionele pijn:
1. Wees bewust van momenten dat je geen pijn hebt. Pijnvrije ruimte is basis voor herstel.
2. Niet schuldig voelen omdat je je niet goed voelt. 'Meta-ellende'. Daar word je ingelukkig van en doodmoe.
3. Laat de monster honger lijden. Emoties worden gevoed door het verhaal dat je jezelf vertelt.
4. Als je gaat denken, begin met vriendelijkheid en humor. Ook naar jezelf. Weer even een 'slechte gedachte' hebben, maakt je geen slecht mens maar is als slapslick, om te lachen.

Emoties ontstaan in de oude hersenen. Niet te voorkomen. Dit laat fysieke reactie afgaan. Het jonge brein kan reflecteren en ingrijpen (ref. Kahneman).
Pijnpunten:
- Relatief onbetekenende gebeurtenis laat buitenproportionele reactie afgaan
- meestal bron in jeugd
- Lichaam: hartslag omhoog, adem hoog, maag
- Emoties: vecht / vlucht / verstijf-reactie (boosheid, weg willen vluchten, geremdheid)
- Gedachten: je voelt je slachtoffer, schuldgevoelens, concentratieverlies
Goede reactie op pijnpunten:
1. Stoppen
2. Ademhalen
3. Opmerken: hoe voelt mijn lichaam?
4. Beschouwen: op welke manier wordt de ander gelukkiger door zo naar mij te doen?
5. Antwoorden: wat is de meest vriendelijke, liefdevolle reactie van mij?
Stap 1 maakt de andere stappen mogelijk. Is het verschil tussen reflexmatig/automatisme en doordachte respons: gewijde ruimte.
Eerste drie stappen: mindfull; laatste twee: cognitief.
Na afloop van de 5 stappen kan restemotie in het lichaam achterblijven. Oplossing: vuisten ballen, poosje vasthouden, daarna restenergie loslaten.
Deze stappen helpen je omgaan; het pijnpunt zelf blijft bestaan.

Ook emotie bij pijnpunten gaat weer voorbij. Vaak voldoende om het 'uit te zitten', het lichaam zich een kwartier te laten 'resetten'. Met oefening is minder tijd nodig voor resetten.
Zelfregulering is vriendschap sluiten met je emoties.

Zelfmotivatie
Drie soorten geluk:
1. Genot: telkens opnieuw hoogtepunten najagen
2. Passie, flow: maximaal presteren en maximale betrokkenheid vallen samen
3. Hoger doel: deel uitmaken van groter geheel dat je betekenis geeft

Toepassingen van motivatie:
1. Je werk afstemmen op je waarden en levensdoel. Flow, intrinsieke drijfveren (autonomie, meesterschap, bestemming)
2. Visualisatie: je gewenste toekomst verbeelden. Wie ben je, wat doe je, met wie ben je, wat zeggen anderen over je? Een altruïstische toekomst roept hulp van anderen op, een materialistische niet.
3. Veerkracht: hindernissen uit de weg ruimen.
Drie vormen van veerkracht:
1. innerlijke rust: diepe onderliggende rust terwijl emoties aan de oppervlakte tekeer gaan
2. Emotionele veerkracht: emoties toelaten zonder dat je je laat overnemen door emoties. Hebzucht en aversie loslaten.
3. Cognitieve veerkracht. Ontwikkelen van optimisme: uitgaan van eigen kracht bij tegenslag; tegenslag is tijdelijk. (Pessimisten betrekken tegenslag op zichzelf).

Negatieve reacties vallen meer op dan positieve. Barbara Fredrikson: 3 positieve ervaringen nodig tegen 1 negatieve (3:1).

Interpersoonlijk
Psychologiseren = ergens een etiket op plakken, probleem niet doorgronden.
Empathie = aandachtig luisterenen proberen cognitief en emotioneel te begrijpen. Basis is vriendelijkheid. Groeit naar mate je inziet dat anderen net zo zijn als jij.

Mentaal programmeren: alles waar je aandacht aan geeft groeit. We worden wat we denken.

Complimenten: beter over iets wat iemand heeft gedaan of bereikt dan over hoe die persoon is.

Mededogen: hoogste staat van geluk:
1. Ik begrijp je (cognitief)
2. Ik voel met je mee (affectief)
3. Ik wil je helpen (motivatie)

Zwakke plekken
Tan's boek heeft maar een paar zwakke plekken. De toon is af en toe wel een beetje gemaakt grappig, kan storen. Tan poneert emotionele intelligentie (ref. Daniel Goleman) als hoogste doel, en ik weet niet zeker of dat wel helemaal terecht is. Tan poneert soms zonder onderbouwing of referentie naar onderbouwing; vind ik wel een algemene zwakte van zelfhulpboeken... Op verschillende plekken verwijst Tan naar werk sn werkomgevingen; hierdoor weet je als lezer niet zeker of zijn ideeën wel van toepassing zijn op andere aspecten van je leven. Ten slotte mis ik toch een beetje structuur in het boek. Door de losse manier van vertellen en de quasi-grappige titels van hoofdstukken en paragrafen, weet je als lezer niet goed waarom je dat op die plek leest, hoe het onderwerp aanhaakt bij andere. Dat maakt het lezen van dit boek een beetje anekdotisch, fragmentarisch.

[Phil · Rating 3 out of 5]

Read on Blinkist:

Gave it a three, not because of the content, but for it providing little I didn’t already know . Meditation is fantastic and I should do more of it, and EI is important to success in both life and work, but didn’t need another reminder...;)

The basic principle behind the methodology is a three-step approach: You must first develop your capacity to direct your attention as you see fit, and here mindfulness meditation is very useful. With this improved attention, you can get a better understanding of your own cognitive and emotional processes, increasing your self-knowledge. Finally, building on this foundation, you can establish good mental habits for yourself that will increase your happiness and effectiveness.

Having intrapersonal intelligence means being aware of your own inner feelings, values and goals. Interpersonal intelligence, on the other hand, involves awareness of the feelings, emotions and motivations of others. Intrapersonal and interpersonal intelligence come together to form emotional intelligence, which is the ability to understand the feelings and emotions of yourself and others and the ability to use that knowledge to guide your actions and thoughts. Attention, as defined by the late nineteenth-century psychologist William James, is “taking possession by the mind, in clear and vivid form.”Conversely, meta attention is “attention of attention.” It’s your ability to realize when you’re paying attention, or when your attention has wavered. Self-awareness works because it activates the neocortex, or the thinking brain.

Daniel Goleman, grouped emotional intelligence into five categories:
• Self-awareness is your knowledge about your internal state and about your preferences, resources and intuition.
• Self-regulation is the ability to control your impulses, resources and state of mind.
• Motivation is the emotional ability to steer yourself toward your goals.
• Empathy is your awareness of others’ feelings, needs and concerns.
• And the final category is social skills: your ability to influence others.

Fulfillment at work comes from a combination of chasing new highs, passion, engagement and focus (state of flow), and a higher purpose that aligns with your values.

Leaders who show compassion are more effective at their jobs because they will try to relieve any suffering their employees may be experiencing.

Great companies had leaders who were compassionate, displayed humility and aspired to make a difference in the world. This is because compassionate leaders have an easier time influencing others.

[Kevan · Rating 4 out of 5]

The author has developed a course at Google designed for its engineers, during which he leads employees through an extremely accessible adaptation and explanation of meditation practices, emotional intelligence, and mindfulness. As a result, principles which are often cloaked in much depth or complexity are now laid bare with simple break-out exercises, illustrations and storytelling, designed for cynical, linear-minded readers.

The first read was great, and will help me know which pages to flip back to for quick-reference. (When I read books, I generally don't account for time to "practice exercises" so found myself skipping a few of the break-outs, preferring to come back later).

Some of the stand-out ideas for me:
- You are not your emotions. Think of your body as the sky, and emotions like clouds. They are passing, fleeting, and you can simply observe them as a phenomena.
- Tuning in to your breath for a few short minutes can absolutely still your mind and body enough to gain a whole new perspective. These are some of the exercises I *did* try when reading, and I'm excited to try and build better habits around simple meditation.

The author wants meditative practices to become so commonplace and obvious, it's taken for granted, like the health benefits of exercise. I'm into that. This book will be one important contribution towards that effort.

The last book I tried on this topic was called "Mindfulness in Plain English," and even that one accidentally got stuck in over-defining traditional practices. This one offers history when needed, but otherwise, stays extremely practical, offering historical perspectives when useful.

English isn't the author's first language, which is extremely impressive (authoring a book in your non-native tongue?), and also helps explain the slightly-awkward humour and turns of phrase he employs.

Also, it's meant for engineers, who would probably be a more cynical audience than I. I would have preferred one that didn't assume the reader was starting from a place of antagonism.

Chade seems to be a person with an amazing attitude, and I consider it an honour to learn from somebody who has applied these principles to his life in such an authentic way.

[timv · Rating 2 out of 5]

I’m of two opinions of this book. For me, this book was offputting. It was formulaic, prescriptive and offered me nothing new. I think I previously had read every single psychological self help and Buddhist author that he referred to in this book, and that’s quite a few.

Welcome to the world of pop psychology meets meditation forged by a Google engineer. God help us. Meditate and you’ll become a better Google engineer! Never does the author broach the subject that possibly upon practicing mindfulness, the Google engineer might realize that writing code while lined up like a package of sardines at a google work table is a soulless occupation and quit in order to pursue some spiritual enlightenment. No no, mindfulness just leads to you towards being a more productive drone in the corporate cogs. But you will learn to have a more positive attitude towards it all!.

Oh, and let me drop all the names of all the famous people who are my very good friends. That’s not what I want out of an author’s prose!

I’m also very suspicious of all the supposed scientific studies that he cites. They are all psychology studies that are not well controlled. Many times he ties the stories of the scientific studies to anecdotal stories which are just that, anecdotal. The result is something that sounds really cool and great, but is not well supported by well controlled scientific studies that have been replicated and this is bad science.

Now, for the other opinion I have. For the uninitiated, this author's approach towards introducing mindfulness and meditation might just be the ticket towards prompting their interest in the subject. It’s highly accessible and easy to apply. Of course it’s just a self-help book, so it’s up to the reader to actually motivate themselves to apply these principles. That’s the real task.

[Jess · Rating 4 out of 5]

I believe mindfulness works. I believe these techniques work in a supportive corporate environment. I wish more corporate environments were open to encouraging the overall health of employees, but I don't know if they will be unless they see a bottom-line need for it. Since this comes from Google, it carries more authority than it would from a start-up that can get by with a "hippy-dippy" approach to work. But he doesn't justify the money reason enough, I think, to convince companies that have around forever to change their ways.

That's why I take one star off: because I think this is all wonderful in theory, but unless there's a real movement to change our corporate culture, the reward system will be the same: those who work the most hours, question least, smile most, and cost the least to their company in relation to their output will be rewarded. Kindness and emotional intelligence are perceived as personal goals, but do not, in my experience, get you anywhere in the business world. They often are an invitation to ask more because such people are so unwilling to say "no." I suppose that is why they get the "soft skills" label.

[PattyMacDotComma · Rating 3 out of 5]

A visitor brought this along, so I borrowed it for a few days. I am an ardent Googler, so I figured I owed it to Google to read a book by one of their engineers on how he proposes to save the world.

Pleasant read, excellent suggestions and like a lot of things in life, easier said than done. Relax and pay attention and relax and help people and relax. Oh, and help them be at ease in life, too. Something like that. I'm poking fun, but with affection. I liked it.

I'm old enough now that a lot of what he says we should be doing seems self-evident to me. Meng (as he refers to himself) puts the philosophy and exercises into practical, bite-size pieces so anyone can find a way to practice and add their bit to help him in his quest for world peace.

I enjoyed the book, and although a lot is corny and wordy, I think that's as much to make us comfortable with the idea of changing our habits as it is to make sure we understand why we should.

His goal of world peace is an admirable one, so I'll try to do my part.

[Alisa Bowman · Rating 4 out of 5]

I write about and teach meditation. As a result, many people ask me for a good, easy-to-read guides for beginners. Search Inside Yourself delivers. The author adapts several standard Buddhist meditations for the work setting, and he blends Dharma teachings (never really calling them Dharma, though) with the fields of psychology and specifically emotional intelligence. The book is easy read and left me with several take-aways, even though I've been meditating for years. For instance, I particularly loved the exercise of mentally arguing for your opponent to get a sense of his or her motivations. I've found that one quite useful. I dog-earned more pages than I can count so I could come back to them later. Even though this is a business book, the material could easily be used for any situation that involves dealing with difficult people, including marriage.

[Ling · Rating 4 out of 5]

Cuốn sách này ký thuật lại khóa học của Google - tổng hợp, chắt lọc các giá trị tinh hoa, hướng dẫn kỹ năng từ nhiều quyển self-help nổi tiếng khác dựa trên nền tảng khoa học. Một cách đào tạo nhân sự: phần lớn nội dung phân tích và hướng dẫn thiền định/chánh niệm - tập trung vào chiều sâu nội tại, lắng nghe cơ thể, thấu hiểu bản thân để từ đó có thể tối ưu hóa mọi thứ xung quanh từ công việc, các mối quan hệ...học cách yêu thương và từ bi (ảnh hưởng lớn từ triết lý Phật giáo nhưng được hiện đại hóa để phù hợp thời đại).
Để có thể thực hành, e rằng khó :))) Bạn cần được huấn luyện trong một khóa học hoặc làm việc trong một môi trường mà phần đa đều ủng hộ văn hóa doanh nghiệp như thế này. Rất nhiều hướng dẫn chi tiết: thở thế nào, nghĩ ra sao...nếu bạn có đam mê thì cũng chưa chắc làm được 😂