Jessica

“To this day, it is embarrassment that is the most perplexing emotion I've felt in response to death. I know this might sound strange and, frankly, I find it impossible to even describe. But I felt like a failure. I felt like I'd been caught unaware, like I'd been ambushed. I felt irresponsible somehow, like I'd let my guard down or been naive. I look at old pictures of my family—smiling, happy, and blissfully unaware of the catastrophe that would befall us. And I think, We were so stupid. We were such suckers. How did we not see it coming? Why weren't we prepared? Why didn't we build a bunker or something?

Tim likes to tease me because if ever I'm hosting a dinner party and the meal is a bit overdone, I like to announce garishly to the group: "I just want everyone to know that I know the food is burned!" The thought of serving a bad-tasting meal, or having broccoli in my teeth, or of having my pants zipper down without my knowledge is horrifying to me. I don't exactly mind failing, but I like to do it on my own terms, undergirded by my own self-awareness. The thought of being oblivious petrifies me.

But death plays by no rules and doesn't care how it might sully your reputation. No amount of self-awareness lessens its sting. It will come for you and the ones you love the most, whether you are oblivious or if you see it coming a million miles away.”
― Amanda Held Opelt, A Hole in the World: Finding Hope in Rituals of Grief and Healing

“Honoring the memory of the one you loved doesn't require you to idealize them. They don't need your patronization. To honor them means to love them because of, and sometimes in spite of, who they really were. And to honor your own sorrow, you must love and accept yourself no matter the mistakes you've made.”
― Amanda Held Opelt, A Hole in the World: Finding Hope in Rituals of Grief and Healing

“There were quite a few times in the weeks after my sister's death that I was cornered at the office, the grocery store, or at church by people who initially approached me to offer sympathy, but then went on to share in exhaustive detail their own grief story. By the end of the conversation, they were in tears and I was trying to comfort them. I don't always mind stepping into another person's pain with them, but in an attempt to show understanding, people often inadvertently ask the bereaved, still fresh off of a loss, to shoulder more than they are already carrying.”
― Amanda Held Opelt, A Hole in the World: Finding Hope in Rituals of Grief and Healing

“I find it comforting to know that this simple act of eating bread and drinking wine has persisted through religious wars, cultural upheaval, and global catastrophes. It persists because the story of a God who chose to identify with us in death is simply too beautiful to ignore.”
― Amanda Held Opelt, A Hole in the World: Finding Hope in Rituals of Grief and Healing