What do you think?
Rate this book
You Cant Say You Can't Play
Who of us cannot remember the pain and humiliation of being rejected by our classmates? However thick-skinned or immune to such assaults we may become as adults, the memory of those early exclusions is as palpable to each of us today as it is common to human experience. We remember the uncertainty of separating from our home and entering school as strangers and, more than the relief of making friends, we recall the cruel moments of our own isolation as well as those children we knew were destined to remain strangers.
In this book Vivian Paley employs a unique strategy to probe the moral dimensions of the classroom. She departs from her previous work by extending her analysis to children through the fifth grade, all the while weaving remarkable fairy tale into her narrative description. Paley introduces a new rule--"You can't say you can't play"--to her kindergarten classroom and solicits the opinions of older children regarding the fairness of such a rule. We hear from those who are rejected as well as those who do the rejecting. One child, objecting to the rule, says, "It will be fairer, but how are we going to have any fun?" Another child defends the principle of classroom bosses as a more benign way of excluding the unwanted.
In a brilliant twist, Paley mixes fantasy and reality, and introduces a new voice into the debate: Magpie, a magical bird, who brings lonely people to a place where a full share of the sun is rightfully theirs. Myth and morality begin to proclaim the same message and the schoolhouse will be the crucible in which the new order is tried. A struggle ensues and even the Magpie stories cannot avoid the scrutiny of this merciless pack of social philosophers who will not be easily caught in a morality tale.
You Can't Say You Can't Play speaks to some of our most deeply held beliefs. Is exclusivity part of human nature? Can we legislate fairness and still nurture creativity and individuality? Can children be freed from the habit of rejection? These are some of the questions. The answers are to be found in the words of Paley's schoolchildren and in the wisdom of their teacher who respectfully listens to them.
In this book Vivian Paley employs a unique strategy to probe the moral dimensions of the classroom. She departs from her previous work by extending her analysis to children through the fifth grade, all the while weaving remarkable fairy tale into her narrative description. Paley introduces a new rule--"You can't say you can't play"--to her kindergarten classroom and solicits the opinions of older children regarding the fairness of such a rule. We hear from those who are rejected as well as those who do the rejecting. One child, objecting to the rule, says, "It will be fairer, but how are we going to have any fun?" Another child defends the principle of classroom bosses as a more benign way of excluding the unwanted.
In a brilliant twist, Paley mixes fantasy and reality, and introduces a new voice into the debate: Magpie, a magical bird, who brings lonely people to a place where a full share of the sun is rightfully theirs. Myth and morality begin to proclaim the same message and the schoolhouse will be the crucible in which the new order is tried. A struggle ensues and even the Magpie stories cannot avoid the scrutiny of this merciless pack of social philosophers who will not be easily caught in a morality tale.
You Can't Say You Can't Play speaks to some of our most deeply held beliefs. Is exclusivity part of human nature? Can we legislate fairness and still nurture creativity and individuality? Can children be freed from the habit of rejection? These are some of the questions. The answers are to be found in the words of Paley's schoolchildren and in the wisdom of their teacher who respectfully listens to them.
144 pages, Paperback
First published September 10, 1992
42 people are currently reading
871 people want to read
About the author
Vivian Gussin Paley
22 books64 followersVivian Gussin Paley was an American pre-school and kindergarten teacher, early childhood education researcher, and author.
She taught and did most of her research at the University of Chicago Laboratory Schools and was the recipient of a MacArthur Fellowship. Despite her status in the field today, she has described the first thirteen years of her teaching career as being an "uninspired and uninspiring teacher."
She taught and did most of her research at the University of Chicago Laboratory Schools and was the recipient of a MacArthur Fellowship. Despite her status in the field today, she has described the first thirteen years of her teaching career as being an "uninspired and uninspiring teacher."
Ratings & Reviews
Friends & Following
Create a free account to discover what your friends think of this book!
Community Reviews
Displaying 1 - 30 of 95 reviews
October 9, 2011
I chose to read this book after reading part of Best Friends, Worst Enemies: Understanding the Social Lives of Children. This book was about a teacher at the University of Chicago lab school who taught Kindergarten and noticed that specific children were being rejected during playtime.
Although this book is not new by any means (it was written in 1993), I am facing the same issues that this author did in her Kindergarten classroom. Every day, one of my students comes up to me and says, "Susie doesn't want to be my friend." Normally this happens because two girls want to play together and they tell the other girl that she can't play with them. This issue boggles my mind. What am I supposed to do about this? I get so many tears and it feels hopeless sometimes.
But this author suggests a pretty clear rule: you can't say you can't play. If a kid asks you if he can play with you, you HAVE to say yes. At first glance, it seems a little psychotic. However, if you think about it - school should be a place where we teach kids, obviously. Not only teach them how to add and how to read, but how to act like civilized people. A good person does not reject others. A good, civilized person accepts them and welcomes them. I want my students to be like that. I don't want them to make other kids cry.
I think this is definitely worth a try in my class, partly because I am sick of the drama and partly because I need my students to be normal humans, if I teach them nothing else this year.
I forgot to actually review the book. It was good, a little self-involved on the part of the teacher. She interspersed way too many of her own emotions and this could probably use some editing to make it more to the point. I skipped all of the "story" portions because they were so weird. Sticking to the actual content of the book got the point across for me!
Although this book is not new by any means (it was written in 1993), I am facing the same issues that this author did in her Kindergarten classroom. Every day, one of my students comes up to me and says, "Susie doesn't want to be my friend." Normally this happens because two girls want to play together and they tell the other girl that she can't play with them. This issue boggles my mind. What am I supposed to do about this? I get so many tears and it feels hopeless sometimes.
But this author suggests a pretty clear rule: you can't say you can't play. If a kid asks you if he can play with you, you HAVE to say yes. At first glance, it seems a little psychotic. However, if you think about it - school should be a place where we teach kids, obviously. Not only teach them how to add and how to read, but how to act like civilized people. A good person does not reject others. A good, civilized person accepts them and welcomes them. I want my students to be like that. I don't want them to make other kids cry.
I think this is definitely worth a try in my class, partly because I am sick of the drama and partly because I need my students to be normal humans, if I teach them nothing else this year.
I forgot to actually review the book. It was good, a little self-involved on the part of the teacher. She interspersed way too many of her own emotions and this could probably use some editing to make it more to the point. I skipped all of the "story" portions because they were so weird. Sticking to the actual content of the book got the point across for me!
January 8, 2022
I read this book quickly. I am not familiar with Vivian Gussin Paley, but from reading this I feel that she was a friendly, dedicated, sensitive, and insightful educator who wanted to share with other educators and people who work with children. I think she would make a fine mentor and will likely explore her other works.
This book unique to me. In this book there’s the nonfiction of the day-to-day of a kindergarten class mixed with a classic fairytale (but a sanitized one, no evil stepmothers, wickedness, or anything menacing except an eagle being an apex predator and bad weather) interspersed as Paley writes it and shares it with her class. There doesn’t seem to be much of a connection except when Paley decides to shoehorn the rule into her fictional schoolhouse for the benefit of her class and occasionally the kids reference it or make art for it. Sometimes there’s also a slight metaphorical connect, but they felt a little weak for me.
She created this good tension of ‘what’s going to happen? How is the fiction going to impact the reality of their classroom?’. That tension kept me reading, it felt like pulling on a string and I kept hoping that in the unraveling I’d have clear answers.
She does end up creating the rule for her class ‘You can’t say you can’t play’ which the phrasing of annoys me a little as I’m in ABA and have been ingrained to avoid saying no/not and to instead say the clear expectation, so I’d probably say it like ‘everyone gets to play’ and then explain it. Although her kindergartners seem to understand the phrasing without issue and to like that it rhymes.
It’s unclear to me if the rule is only for her classroom or if it extends to the playground, but I guess it doesn’t matter as most kindergartens in my experience have a separate recess time and/or play area.
I have mixed feelings about the rule, but overall I think it works for the classroom and would also work for a first grade classroom as I have seen that there’s still a lot of play in the classroom for both grades. However, I’m not sure that it works on the playground.
Paley talks about how some play is private and some play is public; home versus school. In a classroom there’s a set amount of space with easier supervision, including what’s heard, and more concentrated resources. On an elementary school’s playground there are resources, but they’re varied, more competition and the supervision is more difficult as in the bigger area it’s less likely that the adult heard and saw everything or even cares as the adult my not know the kids. I also feel that play in the classroom is different from recess/play on the large playground in that recess is a break, possibly a break from peers or specific peers. It’s hard to take a break from someone while being in the same room as them.
I recall working in an expensive preschool, it was during COVID so the age grouping might have been a bit off from their usual as I recall the room having ages 2-4. A young boy, aged three, was sitting at a table with a mountain of LEGO’s, a two year old girl who didn’t yet have much English sat at the table and showed an interest, so I slid about ten LEGO’s her way. The boy begins to cry and one of the room teachers comes over, pushes the LEGO’s back into the pile, and informs me that ‘this is not a sharing school’. I was baffled. The girl starts to cry and the room teacher tries to get her interested in an available toy/activity. I still feel like I’m missing something. Other times it made sense, the toy/area was limited to a set number of people, eg up to four people can be in the trains area or in the play houses. Space IS a factor, but I did see little ones seemingly delighted to tell or yell at their peers ‘Only four people!’
This book unique to me. In this book there’s the nonfiction of the day-to-day of a kindergarten class mixed with a classic fairytale (but a sanitized one, no evil stepmothers, wickedness, or anything menacing except an eagle being an apex predator and bad weather) interspersed as Paley writes it and shares it with her class. There doesn’t seem to be much of a connection except when Paley decides to shoehorn the rule into her fictional schoolhouse for the benefit of her class and occasionally the kids reference it or make art for it. Sometimes there’s also a slight metaphorical connect, but they felt a little weak for me.
She created this good tension of ‘what’s going to happen? How is the fiction going to impact the reality of their classroom?’. That tension kept me reading, it felt like pulling on a string and I kept hoping that in the unraveling I’d have clear answers.
She does end up creating the rule for her class ‘You can’t say you can’t play’ which the phrasing of annoys me a little as I’m in ABA and have been ingrained to avoid saying no/not and to instead say the clear expectation, so I’d probably say it like ‘everyone gets to play’ and then explain it. Although her kindergartners seem to understand the phrasing without issue and to like that it rhymes.
It’s unclear to me if the rule is only for her classroom or if it extends to the playground, but I guess it doesn’t matter as most kindergartens in my experience have a separate recess time and/or play area.
I have mixed feelings about the rule, but overall I think it works for the classroom and would also work for a first grade classroom as I have seen that there’s still a lot of play in the classroom for both grades. However, I’m not sure that it works on the playground.
Paley talks about how some play is private and some play is public; home versus school. In a classroom there’s a set amount of space with easier supervision, including what’s heard, and more concentrated resources. On an elementary school’s playground there are resources, but they’re varied, more competition and the supervision is more difficult as in the bigger area it’s less likely that the adult heard and saw everything or even cares as the adult my not know the kids. I also feel that play in the classroom is different from recess/play on the large playground in that recess is a break, possibly a break from peers or specific peers. It’s hard to take a break from someone while being in the same room as them.
I recall working in an expensive preschool, it was during COVID so the age grouping might have been a bit off from their usual as I recall the room having ages 2-4. A young boy, aged three, was sitting at a table with a mountain of LEGO’s, a two year old girl who didn’t yet have much English sat at the table and showed an interest, so I slid about ten LEGO’s her way. The boy begins to cry and one of the room teachers comes over, pushes the LEGO’s back into the pile, and informs me that ‘this is not a sharing school’. I was baffled. The girl starts to cry and the room teacher tries to get her interested in an available toy/activity. I still feel like I’m missing something. Other times it made sense, the toy/area was limited to a set number of people, eg up to four people can be in the trains area or in the play houses. Space IS a factor, but I did see little ones seemingly delighted to tell or yell at their peers ‘Only four people!’
February 25, 2010
"Can't say, can't play" is sort of a mantra at our kids school and according to the boys' current 1st grade teacher, this is where the movement began.
Wow, I just checked and according to the edition I have, the initial copyright on this is just 1992? I would have thought this was more of a late 60's or early 70's by-product. It has an aura of the hippie hangover (not at all a bad thing in my world necessarily...).
Here's an excerpt taken from towards the end...
"That being the case, we have our work cut out for us, in every grade, if we are to prepare our children to live and work comfortably with the strangers that sojourneth among them"
Waiteth for it...
And should it happen that one day our children themselves are the strangers, let them know that a full share of the sun is rightfully theirs."
Well at least sun was not written as son (the first phrase evidently cometh from King James' Leviticus).
And those passages are tame compared to the ongoing story of Magpie and the Kingdom of Tall Pines. That story evidently Vivian Gussin Paley composed extemporaneously over the course of weeks for her kindergartners. It is at times hallucinatory and not all that lucid, I've thought about trying to read just those excerpts to my boys to see what they think. But I'm not even sure what I think having read it.
I think for teachers this book became popular maybe as it reads more like someting from their college curriculum than as a dry guide-book. It celebrates the teaching position as mystical mentor more than prudent proctor.
I'm a bit surprised that Paley got as much response from her kindergarten kids as the book indicates. Of course for us last year, the polyglot nature of our school district might have made such dialog a little too tricky. She does cross-pollinate her ideas to 4th and 5th graders (where their wiles and wills arise).
Bottom line, let me be clear I'm all for inclusion over exclusion. By and large I like the idea of can't say, can't play (although having 47 kids trying to play ping-pong, hmmmmm).
I clearly remember when my kids were a little younger really wanting to find a way to explore the notion of empathy with them. And that's what I think this is about, but I just don't think many kids are receptive to it very often. Oh, there may be moments...but as I think I see in this book, it tends to work best when you can get a kid who is hurting other kids (through rejection etc...) to recall when s/he was hurt similarly.
As with all things you'd like to apply to kids, it is easier said than done. But having mantras that are easy to repeat if not steadfastly implant is alright by me. "Treat people like you want to be treated" has been our family favorite. "You can't say you can't play" has a nice meter and rhyme, and for your utopian dreams is fine.
In reality though, it is weird (maybe frightening, and more than a bit instinctual) to see how little pecking orders and alliances are built even at such a young age. And if the kids are on their own time at recess, having control over them almost seems a bit draconian. You want them to stumble upon fairness and friendliness naturally, but now I'm the one slipping into a hippie hallucination I fear.
I just feel the "Can't Say, Can't Play" approach may focus a bit on friendliness over friendship. But one wants both ideally, and the image of solitary kid, kind of moping alone the playground is heartbreaking. I just wish other kids (and some do at times) would recognize this and rectify it themselves.
I think talking about it with our kids as parents, and citing other kids that you and they know, in direct terms (not allegory) before and after any incidents is as important as teachers and yard-attendants trying to enforce the rules.
Wow, I just checked and according to the edition I have, the initial copyright on this is just 1992? I would have thought this was more of a late 60's or early 70's by-product. It has an aura of the hippie hangover (not at all a bad thing in my world necessarily...).
Here's an excerpt taken from towards the end...
"That being the case, we have our work cut out for us, in every grade, if we are to prepare our children to live and work comfortably with the strangers that sojourneth among them"
Waiteth for it...
And should it happen that one day our children themselves are the strangers, let them know that a full share of the sun is rightfully theirs."
Well at least sun was not written as son (the first phrase evidently cometh from King James' Leviticus).
And those passages are tame compared to the ongoing story of Magpie and the Kingdom of Tall Pines. That story evidently Vivian Gussin Paley composed extemporaneously over the course of weeks for her kindergartners. It is at times hallucinatory and not all that lucid, I've thought about trying to read just those excerpts to my boys to see what they think. But I'm not even sure what I think having read it.
I think for teachers this book became popular maybe as it reads more like someting from their college curriculum than as a dry guide-book. It celebrates the teaching position as mystical mentor more than prudent proctor.
I'm a bit surprised that Paley got as much response from her kindergarten kids as the book indicates. Of course for us last year, the polyglot nature of our school district might have made such dialog a little too tricky. She does cross-pollinate her ideas to 4th and 5th graders (where their wiles and wills arise).
Bottom line, let me be clear I'm all for inclusion over exclusion. By and large I like the idea of can't say, can't play (although having 47 kids trying to play ping-pong, hmmmmm).
I clearly remember when my kids were a little younger really wanting to find a way to explore the notion of empathy with them. And that's what I think this is about, but I just don't think many kids are receptive to it very often. Oh, there may be moments...but as I think I see in this book, it tends to work best when you can get a kid who is hurting other kids (through rejection etc...) to recall when s/he was hurt similarly.
As with all things you'd like to apply to kids, it is easier said than done. But having mantras that are easy to repeat if not steadfastly implant is alright by me. "Treat people like you want to be treated" has been our family favorite. "You can't say you can't play" has a nice meter and rhyme, and for your utopian dreams is fine.
In reality though, it is weird (maybe frightening, and more than a bit instinctual) to see how little pecking orders and alliances are built even at such a young age. And if the kids are on their own time at recess, having control over them almost seems a bit draconian. You want them to stumble upon fairness and friendliness naturally, but now I'm the one slipping into a hippie hallucination I fear.
I just feel the "Can't Say, Can't Play" approach may focus a bit on friendliness over friendship. But one wants both ideally, and the image of solitary kid, kind of moping alone the playground is heartbreaking. I just wish other kids (and some do at times) would recognize this and rectify it themselves.
I think talking about it with our kids as parents, and citing other kids that you and they know, in direct terms (not allegory) before and after any incidents is as important as teachers and yard-attendants trying to enforce the rules.
April 19, 2009
While I totally agree that the issue of exclusion in classrooms must be tackled by teachers, I found this book to be an awful read. I really did not enjoy the author's style of writing and generally found it rather over-the-top. Also, the whole concept of the book seemed to be arguing a point that most ECE teachers already agree with at this point. I felt that the author/teacher was just too reticent in establishing classroom norms that she knew were necessary. She seemed to alternate between wanting to be the center of attention and not wanting to speak up and take control of her classroom. In general, I have found that if you set up a structure within your classroom in which children are expected to be kind and allow all classmates to play/ work with them (under the guidelines of how one is allowed to work/play within the classroom) there are not as many issues as this teacher seemed to encounter. I also bothered me that she did not allow the children more ownership in the process of creating this rule. Overall, I really felt that this book was outdated (even for when it was written).
April 29, 2016
I picked this up on the recommendation of a trusted colleague after learning about "friendship benches" or, The Buddy Bench. I didn't fully trust this concept to address the dreadful pain of being left with no one to play with at recess. Kids are so bloody mean, no matter how much empathy is built into the curriculum. Anyway, this book helped me understand why kids are motivated to behave the way they do and the importance of early intervention. I now feel a bit assuaged that the Buddy Bench is probably going to help a few kids have some good recesses when they are little. I'm also really happy that educators are thinking about these issues nowadays - the world needs to be a bit nicer, and getting them when they are young is key, as this book clearly demonstrated!
May 4, 2025
What if we introduce a new rule in the classroom- you can’t say you can’t play?!
Starting from the moral ground of the bible and more specifically Leviticus 19:34:”The stranger that sojourneth with you shall be unto you as the home born among you, and thou shalt love him as thyself; for you were strangers in the land of Egypt.”, Vivian Gussin Palley investigates the question of fairness.
Is it possible to be educated in an environment where everyone is included? How can we achieve this? How can the ongoing dialogue between teacher and children help us understand the notion of fairness and how it intervenes with other concepts such as the right of private play, the right to choose who to play with, etc?
Starting from the moral ground of the bible and more specifically Leviticus 19:34:”The stranger that sojourneth with you shall be unto you as the home born among you, and thou shalt love him as thyself; for you were strangers in the land of Egypt.”, Vivian Gussin Palley investigates the question of fairness.
Is it possible to be educated in an environment where everyone is included? How can we achieve this? How can the ongoing dialogue between teacher and children help us understand the notion of fairness and how it intervenes with other concepts such as the right of private play, the right to choose who to play with, etc?
August 19, 2022
I love this rule and repeat it to my students. I just wish it didn't stem from the Bible. In the case study the school is religious and they can use the bible verse to support the rule. It gives me faith-envy. You wouldn't understand. But like most of the ten commandments, it's a pretty useful rule.
January 29, 2024
had to read this for school, and i thought it was a bit outdated. tho i did enjoy the general premise
February 23, 2013
You Can't Say You Can't Play , by Vivian Gussin Paley
Paley’s short book is a thriller with a mission and constant obstacles. There are factions, heroes and villains, fights, tears and laughter. But—the protagonists are 5 years olds and the setting is a Kindergarten classroom. The unusual cast does not diminish Paley’s chase for a grail, shared with the children who accompany her on the quest. Paley is a gifted writer who lifts these little personalities off the page; the children are as fully realized in their thoughts, questions and hopes as any adult. Indeed, their challenges are easily recognizable as ours.
You Can't Say You Can't Play drew me in from the first sentence. We are taken on a journey in a classroom where Miss Gussin Paley, the teacher and narrator, is confronted by a long-standing enemy: Exclusion. We against you. You can’t play. There’s no more room. No. You’re not my friend. When we hear these phrases we cringe because, as Paley repeatedly notes, this strikes to the very core of us. Everyone understands REJECTION, because rejection is one of the deepest wounds a person can feel.
Paley has faced this opponent many times before, but with inadequate results. Long un-satisfied by her previous defense, she watches exclusion rear its unpleasant head again. We watch distressed, alienated children wilt. But Paley realizes she is ready to take the part of hero. Perhaps it is her story of Magpie shared in the book that emboldens her. When she finds another student hiding in the cubbies, she is ready to take action. She enacts a new rule: You Can’t Say You Can’t Play.
Paley flushes out the conflict with a sensitive eye. She believes that when we—as children—are left to prove ourselves worthy of inclusion, we naturally create exclusion. We create the strangers among us. Strangers, from this early age, are given that label and left to embark a lifetime of alienation.
Yet listening to the children’s anecdotes and explanations shared in the book, we realize alongside Paley that this label is largely arbitrary. If one child recognized as a leader excludes another, it’s often for little reason. Frequently it’s based on easy prejudice, or what’s comfortable. They are jealous of their best friend and want no one else to play with them. They have a fixed idea of who they want to play a part or play their fantasy. The rejected children then take on that label by sad coincidence.
However, Paley is certain that when we read the label as arbitrary, changeable, and not inherent to the child’s self, we can erase it. We can stop ourselves, and our children from creating strangers among us. We can recognize each person as a playmate, possible friend, useful partner, and most importantly, an equal part of the group.
The journey Paley takes with her students into the new rule reveals complications and obstructions in the unfamiliar territory. Yet, wonderfully, in this most classic heroic journey, we get to watch these children transform before our eyes. We witness trials, debates and successes until ultimately the grail is reached: You Can’t Say that You Can’t Play is accepted by the group.
It’s a delight to read wonderful examples of how the children’s views expand. Paley learns that the rule develops a safety net allowing the children new freedom beyond reach within the old system. Released from having to prove worthy before the collective, both the popular and the outcasts blossom. Within the protection of the new rule, the children learn to cooperate, share and include in new ways. They learn new language and ways of expressing their needs. They shed expectations and roles. We see evidence of enormous growth and unforeseen change.
Paley’s documentation of the children’s growth, as individuals and as a group should be a must read for any educator. Why don’t I see this rule in the school where my daughter goes? Why is this not universal? That is an inquiry for another quest, and one I intend to go forth and decipher. In the meantime, I highly recommend this book to other parents and caretakers, and hope to hear from others who’ve read it.
Paley’s short book is a thriller with a mission and constant obstacles. There are factions, heroes and villains, fights, tears and laughter. But—the protagonists are 5 years olds and the setting is a Kindergarten classroom. The unusual cast does not diminish Paley’s chase for a grail, shared with the children who accompany her on the quest. Paley is a gifted writer who lifts these little personalities off the page; the children are as fully realized in their thoughts, questions and hopes as any adult. Indeed, their challenges are easily recognizable as ours.
You Can't Say You Can't Play drew me in from the first sentence. We are taken on a journey in a classroom where Miss Gussin Paley, the teacher and narrator, is confronted by a long-standing enemy: Exclusion. We against you. You can’t play. There’s no more room. No. You’re not my friend. When we hear these phrases we cringe because, as Paley repeatedly notes, this strikes to the very core of us. Everyone understands REJECTION, because rejection is one of the deepest wounds a person can feel.
Paley has faced this opponent many times before, but with inadequate results. Long un-satisfied by her previous defense, she watches exclusion rear its unpleasant head again. We watch distressed, alienated children wilt. But Paley realizes she is ready to take the part of hero. Perhaps it is her story of Magpie shared in the book that emboldens her. When she finds another student hiding in the cubbies, she is ready to take action. She enacts a new rule: You Can’t Say You Can’t Play.
Paley flushes out the conflict with a sensitive eye. She believes that when we—as children—are left to prove ourselves worthy of inclusion, we naturally create exclusion. We create the strangers among us. Strangers, from this early age, are given that label and left to embark a lifetime of alienation.
Yet listening to the children’s anecdotes and explanations shared in the book, we realize alongside Paley that this label is largely arbitrary. If one child recognized as a leader excludes another, it’s often for little reason. Frequently it’s based on easy prejudice, or what’s comfortable. They are jealous of their best friend and want no one else to play with them. They have a fixed idea of who they want to play a part or play their fantasy. The rejected children then take on that label by sad coincidence.
However, Paley is certain that when we read the label as arbitrary, changeable, and not inherent to the child’s self, we can erase it. We can stop ourselves, and our children from creating strangers among us. We can recognize each person as a playmate, possible friend, useful partner, and most importantly, an equal part of the group.
The journey Paley takes with her students into the new rule reveals complications and obstructions in the unfamiliar territory. Yet, wonderfully, in this most classic heroic journey, we get to watch these children transform before our eyes. We witness trials, debates and successes until ultimately the grail is reached: You Can’t Say that You Can’t Play is accepted by the group.
It’s a delight to read wonderful examples of how the children’s views expand. Paley learns that the rule develops a safety net allowing the children new freedom beyond reach within the old system. Released from having to prove worthy before the collective, both the popular and the outcasts blossom. Within the protection of the new rule, the children learn to cooperate, share and include in new ways. They learn new language and ways of expressing their needs. They shed expectations and roles. We see evidence of enormous growth and unforeseen change.
Paley’s documentation of the children’s growth, as individuals and as a group should be a must read for any educator. Why don’t I see this rule in the school where my daughter goes? Why is this not universal? That is an inquiry for another quest, and one I intend to go forth and decipher. In the meantime, I highly recommend this book to other parents and caretakers, and hope to hear from others who’ve read it.
May 14, 2013
"This American Life" included a segment on Paley's work for the Cruelty of Children episode (which was excellent, by the way), and while I enjoyed that piece, this book didn't do much for me. I think the central idea is interesting, but there were too many distractions...
First, it's written in present tense. I'm not sure what she was trying to achieve with that, but present tense narratives even make me crabby when I'm reading fiction. This is nonfiction and supposedly relaying a study of sorts, so I was even more annoyed.
Second, she threaded a fairy tale throughout, which didn't work for me at all. (I read the first couple sections of it, but skipped the rest.) I'm wondering if she intends for those portions to be read in classrooms hoping to implement the "You can't say..." rule. I don't know. I just couldn't get into it.
The discussions with her young students were interesting though. Kids described why they most often rejected certain classmates and explained the appeal of appointing a "boss" with veto power vs. a democratic vote about a classmate's inclusion (rejection by one is kinder than rejection by a group). They also talked about the distinction between play in the classroom vs. play at home, where you might be entitled to extra rights in your choices of who to play with and who to exclude. A classroom is a public place, but should friendliness usurp fun as a rule? Is it more important to protect the feelings of the excluded or the fun of those who are included? Is it possible to be fair to everyone?
Great fodder for discussion, but unfortunately the book is not even 150 pages and half of it is that fairy tale. Bummer. I thought the NPR piece delivered it all much better.
First, it's written in present tense. I'm not sure what she was trying to achieve with that, but present tense narratives even make me crabby when I'm reading fiction. This is nonfiction and supposedly relaying a study of sorts, so I was even more annoyed.
Second, she threaded a fairy tale throughout, which didn't work for me at all. (I read the first couple sections of it, but skipped the rest.) I'm wondering if she intends for those portions to be read in classrooms hoping to implement the "You can't say..." rule. I don't know. I just couldn't get into it.
The discussions with her young students were interesting though. Kids described why they most often rejected certain classmates and explained the appeal of appointing a "boss" with veto power vs. a democratic vote about a classmate's inclusion (rejection by one is kinder than rejection by a group). They also talked about the distinction between play in the classroom vs. play at home, where you might be entitled to extra rights in your choices of who to play with and who to exclude. A classroom is a public place, but should friendliness usurp fun as a rule? Is it more important to protect the feelings of the excluded or the fun of those who are included? Is it possible to be fair to everyone?
Great fodder for discussion, but unfortunately the book is not even 150 pages and half of it is that fairy tale. Bummer. I thought the NPR piece delivered it all much better.
May 26, 2008
I'm reading this now for a class. Vivian Paley has been very influential for my practice with children. She writes simply about her daily role in her classrooms and about her responses to the children. Her work is deep and authentic. She has high expectations for herself and the children she works with, and a huge amount of respect. In this book she is dealing with children's rejection of each other in play. It is an action research piece, with Paley trying to uncover the roots of the rejection from both sides. She talks with past students about the issue and tries to reach consensus with her current group of 5 year olds about making a new rule, You Can't Say You Can't Play.
I have been experimenting with applying the the rule to my group of 2 & 3 year olds with mixed response. My kids are still dealing with the beginnings of the awareness about the power they hold in pretend play situations, and the older ones are more used to the role than the younger. When I tried to enforce the rule, the younger children were allowed to play, but the older ones still found ways of rejecting them, and therefore exerted power. I wonder if it's truly possible to create a rejection free early childhood environment, or if the experience of rejecting/being rejected is a necessary part of the growth at this stage.
I have been experimenting with applying the the rule to my group of 2 & 3 year olds with mixed response. My kids are still dealing with the beginnings of the awareness about the power they hold in pretend play situations, and the older ones are more used to the role than the younger. When I tried to enforce the rule, the younger children were allowed to play, but the older ones still found ways of rejecting them, and therefore exerted power. I wonder if it's truly possible to create a rejection free early childhood environment, or if the experience of rejecting/being rejected is a necessary part of the growth at this stage.
July 17, 2024
I found this book in an optimistic, dusty and dare I say romantic little bookstore by my cities university, and I think these adjectives also mimic the impression I had of this heroic but at times incredibly cloying book.
I enjoy poetry and I enjoy free thinking but I also enjoy things making sense and feeling tidy. I enjoy everything weaving together nicely like a finely knit sweater. This book did not do any of these things, or at least not in the way I was hoping.
But aside from the incredibly self involved and meandering fairytale that accompanied real life classroom talks with students… there was a very brave and noble concept introduced which was having a classroom constitution where everyone voted. And by everyone I’m assuming 1st and 2nd graders. Which I thought was actually more intriguing and interesting then the concept
‘You can’t say, you can’t play’. Which can almost be a fanciful wish, more than a law that can be practiced.
Which in the end they did make law. Or at least classroom law. And I had begun reading it hoping for this law to be optimistically true and easy to endorse. And in a way I am still rooting for it. But the truth is, I think the explaining to children why… as opposed to just giving an order is almost more important to teaching empathy.
I know the author was I think trying to teach her students empathy through the magpie story which being an adult was on my end insufferable to read. But I think empathy is created through shared experiences. And from learning about each other.
Maybe the key to having a more inclusive classroom or even adult environment is simply everyone taking the time to learn about each other as individuals as opposed to just putting mandates on everyone in an effort to ‘avoid those who get left out, from being left out. Because apparently that’s the end of the world.’
But what if it’s actually not the end of the world?
That maybe the acceptance of our differences is more important then encouraging an environment of policing.
Or maybe more importantly if children are left to ‘play’ in classrooms without any guidance to begin with, of course they will leave people out or form hierarchies. If the children in the class are leading from their own instincts or boredom instead of being guided by a teacher who can assign valid roles or points of pride for the students who are grouping up… then of course you have mayhem.
Is it not up to the teacher or adult in charge to explain group dynamics or the purpose behind having a group work together? To show the joys of team work? To understand each person has different things to bring to the table? Even if your table is just round and you are all ‘knights and ladies?.’
To explain that a knight, a lady, a falconer, a wizard and a dwarf are all incredibly different and that’s completely okay, but you might want those differences at your table?
Or even better still, explaining to a class that sure you may one day be told ‘you can’t play with us, or you can’t sit with us’ but maybe instead of putting this unnecessary pressure to figure out how to fit in to that group by some law, maybe it’s best to teach self love and self resilience that even if you are not invited in a group, that does not mean anything about you or your value as a unique and beautiful individual.
Maybe it’s just best to give children a well of self love and self confidence that if they do encounter rude people they can cheerfully walk away. Because who knows, maybe that rude group might see eventually what they lost out on?
In life we are not meant to fit in every group , but we are meant to live with our own selves for the entirety of our lives, and wouldn’t it have been nice if in first grade we were taught how to love ourselves or hold on to our own self worth in the face of feeling excluded? To have that resilience be fostered when we were young as opposed to flailing about in self doubt as an adult looking for approval?
To teach children not to let others take away your own power? People will always not include you, for whatever reasons, but we don’t have to let it get us down.
However like I said earlier, the concept of a class democracy is a fun and exciting thing to introduce to 1st graders. But I would add, that I don’t think that is enough. I think the idea that everyone is important and differences are beautiful but also important, might also be a thought to introduce. Especially to minds incredibly hungry for leadership and knowledge.
A king may be a king, but he still might need a doctor one day. And a knight may be a knight but if he didn’t have a damsel or even peasants to protect would he be considered a knight?
The game of life is way too intricate to just wave a magic wand and say ‘you can’t say, you can’t play.’
As much as the romantic in me wishes you could just say that. And have it be followed. Children want to learn why. But they should also learn that they are whole unto themselves, valuable, and that absolutely nothing is wrong with them, even if they are at times feeling outside of something beyond their control, especially in times they don’t get invited to ‘play’.
So that they can feel resilience to not give up and stay open to those that would love to ‘play’.
Anyway I am giving this book 4 stars because I admire the fact that it was definitely thought provoking and well intentioned. And that the author has a big heart and definitely cares.
One star off because the ‘fairy tale’ in it, was really random and didn’t seem to fit the book. It definitely could have been its own book. For children. Not for adults looking for better ways to teach children.
We don’t really have all the time in the world for fairy tales. My time is more valuable than reading about magpie. For no apparent reason. I’m not 8 years old. And the fairytale was literally half of the book. It was like a long commercial running through a documentary. Only the commercial was a psychedelic story about a bird and some petal shaped people??? But why???? The author never explains why.
I enjoy poetry and I enjoy free thinking but I also enjoy things making sense and feeling tidy. I enjoy everything weaving together nicely like a finely knit sweater. This book did not do any of these things, or at least not in the way I was hoping.
But aside from the incredibly self involved and meandering fairytale that accompanied real life classroom talks with students… there was a very brave and noble concept introduced which was having a classroom constitution where everyone voted. And by everyone I’m assuming 1st and 2nd graders. Which I thought was actually more intriguing and interesting then the concept
‘You can’t say, you can’t play’. Which can almost be a fanciful wish, more than a law that can be practiced.
Which in the end they did make law. Or at least classroom law. And I had begun reading it hoping for this law to be optimistically true and easy to endorse. And in a way I am still rooting for it. But the truth is, I think the explaining to children why… as opposed to just giving an order is almost more important to teaching empathy.
I know the author was I think trying to teach her students empathy through the magpie story which being an adult was on my end insufferable to read. But I think empathy is created through shared experiences. And from learning about each other.
Maybe the key to having a more inclusive classroom or even adult environment is simply everyone taking the time to learn about each other as individuals as opposed to just putting mandates on everyone in an effort to ‘avoid those who get left out, from being left out. Because apparently that’s the end of the world.’
But what if it’s actually not the end of the world?
That maybe the acceptance of our differences is more important then encouraging an environment of policing.
Or maybe more importantly if children are left to ‘play’ in classrooms without any guidance to begin with, of course they will leave people out or form hierarchies. If the children in the class are leading from their own instincts or boredom instead of being guided by a teacher who can assign valid roles or points of pride for the students who are grouping up… then of course you have mayhem.
Is it not up to the teacher or adult in charge to explain group dynamics or the purpose behind having a group work together? To show the joys of team work? To understand each person has different things to bring to the table? Even if your table is just round and you are all ‘knights and ladies?.’
To explain that a knight, a lady, a falconer, a wizard and a dwarf are all incredibly different and that’s completely okay, but you might want those differences at your table?
Or even better still, explaining to a class that sure you may one day be told ‘you can’t play with us, or you can’t sit with us’ but maybe instead of putting this unnecessary pressure to figure out how to fit in to that group by some law, maybe it’s best to teach self love and self resilience that even if you are not invited in a group, that does not mean anything about you or your value as a unique and beautiful individual.
Maybe it’s just best to give children a well of self love and self confidence that if they do encounter rude people they can cheerfully walk away. Because who knows, maybe that rude group might see eventually what they lost out on?
In life we are not meant to fit in every group , but we are meant to live with our own selves for the entirety of our lives, and wouldn’t it have been nice if in first grade we were taught how to love ourselves or hold on to our own self worth in the face of feeling excluded? To have that resilience be fostered when we were young as opposed to flailing about in self doubt as an adult looking for approval?
To teach children not to let others take away your own power? People will always not include you, for whatever reasons, but we don’t have to let it get us down.
However like I said earlier, the concept of a class democracy is a fun and exciting thing to introduce to 1st graders. But I would add, that I don’t think that is enough. I think the idea that everyone is important and differences are beautiful but also important, might also be a thought to introduce. Especially to minds incredibly hungry for leadership and knowledge.
A king may be a king, but he still might need a doctor one day. And a knight may be a knight but if he didn’t have a damsel or even peasants to protect would he be considered a knight?
The game of life is way too intricate to just wave a magic wand and say ‘you can’t say, you can’t play.’
As much as the romantic in me wishes you could just say that. And have it be followed. Children want to learn why. But they should also learn that they are whole unto themselves, valuable, and that absolutely nothing is wrong with them, even if they are at times feeling outside of something beyond their control, especially in times they don’t get invited to ‘play’.
So that they can feel resilience to not give up and stay open to those that would love to ‘play’.
Anyway I am giving this book 4 stars because I admire the fact that it was definitely thought provoking and well intentioned. And that the author has a big heart and definitely cares.
One star off because the ‘fairy tale’ in it, was really random and didn’t seem to fit the book. It definitely could have been its own book. For children. Not for adults looking for better ways to teach children.
We don’t really have all the time in the world for fairy tales. My time is more valuable than reading about magpie. For no apparent reason. I’m not 8 years old. And the fairytale was literally half of the book. It was like a long commercial running through a documentary. Only the commercial was a psychedelic story about a bird and some petal shaped people??? But why???? The author never explains why.
August 5, 2014
Fascinating idea... Paley explores the suggestion of inclusion in this introspective quick read. After years of teaching kindergarten, Paley was frustrated with the exclusion of some children over and over again at play. So she began talking with children about a new idea - 'you can't say you can't play.' Included here are paraphrases of the conversations she had with her kindergarten class and classes of older students in her K-5 building. It's fascinating to hear the children talk about their experiences of rejection (which we all share) and their belief about whether this idea could work. [Personally, I'd like to see a world where adults had the same rule, but I don't think it's going to happen any time soon.] And one of the most intriguing things about this book is that Paley is one of those amazing people who can actually reason with kindergarteners! Her conversations with kids about all kinds of personal issues are included and truly enlightening.
November 19, 2024
I've been interested in kids and social exclusion, and the parts of the book that detail Paley's in-class experiment were fascinating: kids from five to about eleven debate the pros and cons of the new rule.
A large part of her work is done through storytelling, and the parallel narrative with the princess, magpie, dragon, etc., I could have done without.
A large part of her work is done through storytelling, and the parallel narrative with the princess, magpie, dragon, etc., I could have done without.
December 29, 2019
Probably a 3.45--interesting experiment in a kindergarten by a former kindergarten teacher, who sees the daily rejection at kindergarten of some kids by other kids as a long term problem for society. To do something about it. she discusses throughout the school at which she was teaching--from kindergarten through 5th grade--what would happen if a rule were implemented that said: "You Can't Say You Can't Play". Initially most of the kids are against the rule--they want to be free to pick their friends or to direct the particular play in which they are engaged. An interesting side notion is whether in any given group of people it is inevitable that a leader or a "boss" appears--it would seem so for many reasons (efficiency of play, lack of interest in picking or excluding people who would participate in the playing, and generally fear that others would not want to participate. When the kindergarten agrees to implement the rule (the other classes say no as their habits seem too entrenched), the rule seems to work to include more people, as well as to allow more kids to try different roles or parts. Distinctions are made--for example, in private spheres people should be allowed to choose their companions--but she makes a good case that in schools (or public places), people should work on including people rather than on excluding them. However, even at the end, Paley recognizes that people/kids need to be taught how to be inclusive--that excluding people seems to be much easier and more normal.
While the experiment is fascinating--and especially the comments from the various kids who are asked about what they think of the rule--the interspersed fairy tales by the author seem to be distracting and borderline inapplicable to the theory.
Still, a good book for people interested in how to deal with bullying or exclusion--especially for kindergarten aged children.-
While the experiment is fascinating--and especially the comments from the various kids who are asked about what they think of the rule--the interspersed fairy tales by the author seem to be distracting and borderline inapplicable to the theory.
Still, a good book for people interested in how to deal with bullying or exclusion--especially for kindergarten aged children.-
September 27, 2020
Recognizing the importance of social inclusion and play for young children, Paley is troubled by those kids that are consistently rejected by their peers. This book details her struggles with implementing a new rule in her kindergarten classroom: you can't say you can't play.
What's fascinating about this book is that she outlines conversations had with the children in her class. Kindergarteners' (and other grade school children's) worries about the rule anticipate what might leave us wary about banning exclusion in school - one of the first arenas that children learn how to create, maintain, and navigate complex relationships.
Paley suggests that school should be treated as a public space where access to play is a public good. Social exclusion is something that happens in private domains, where she believes the classroom should a place where people must be nicer and more inclusive.
The ideas are compelling, and her thinking, as well as the thoughts from the budding human minds, is interesting. The implementation of the rule seemed to have a positive effect, but it's tough to to determine whether it's the rule itself, or the author's own extraordinary ability to relate to her pupils and encourage compassion.
I've read this book as part of a seminar on loneliness where we are considering questions such as whether there exists a human right to intimate social contact, for children to be loved, for all humans to be loved. This intimate glimpse into the affairs of small children is illuminating and touching.
What's fascinating about this book is that she outlines conversations had with the children in her class. Kindergarteners' (and other grade school children's) worries about the rule anticipate what might leave us wary about banning exclusion in school - one of the first arenas that children learn how to create, maintain, and navigate complex relationships.
Paley suggests that school should be treated as a public space where access to play is a public good. Social exclusion is something that happens in private domains, where she believes the classroom should a place where people must be nicer and more inclusive.
The ideas are compelling, and her thinking, as well as the thoughts from the budding human minds, is interesting. The implementation of the rule seemed to have a positive effect, but it's tough to to determine whether it's the rule itself, or the author's own extraordinary ability to relate to her pupils and encourage compassion.
I've read this book as part of a seminar on loneliness where we are considering questions such as whether there exists a human right to intimate social contact, for children to be loved, for all humans to be loved. This intimate glimpse into the affairs of small children is illuminating and touching.
September 21, 2018
This gave me a lot to think about in my work with preschoolers. It's a kindergarten teacher's story of addressing her students' rejection and exclusion of other children in their play. She thought, How do children develop the behavior of rejection--when do they lose their empathy for playmates--and can we prevent it? She instituted a new rule for her class: You can't say (to any classmate), "You can't play."
Her description of discussions with her 5-year-olds about their feelings, and the consequences of their actions, is really impressive. She also talked to children in older grades, who recognized that even though rejection was painful to everyone, they had already developed a social world in which they felt a firm rule against rejection wouldn't work.
Think about our society today. When we exclude certain others from our group, it harms everyone. We learn less and less about people who are different, and our ignorance leads us to become more and more rejecting. I like how Vivian Gussin Paley just threw herself into challenging a social rule she thought was seriously harmful to children's development.
(The 'real life' story alternates with an ongoing fairy tale narrative Ms. Paley created for and with her class, that I found less compelling.)
Her description of discussions with her 5-year-olds about their feelings, and the consequences of their actions, is really impressive. She also talked to children in older grades, who recognized that even though rejection was painful to everyone, they had already developed a social world in which they felt a firm rule against rejection wouldn't work.
Think about our society today. When we exclude certain others from our group, it harms everyone. We learn less and less about people who are different, and our ignorance leads us to become more and more rejecting. I like how Vivian Gussin Paley just threw herself into challenging a social rule she thought was seriously harmful to children's development.
(The 'real life' story alternates with an ongoing fairy tale narrative Ms. Paley created for and with her class, that I found less compelling.)
November 7, 2017
2017 Reading Challenge - A book with career advice (because I am a mom)
I found this book interesting and thought provoking. At first I was wondering if this was going to be a philosophy of "everyone has to be friends", which I don't think works, but it isn't. The way I interpreted it, is it is actually about making friendships and relationships less high stakes and normalizing interactions within the classroom community. As a child I loved having a very-best-friend, but as a parent, I have grown leery of these relationships. They seem slightly restrictive and inhibit the ability to expand their skill sets and people skills. I think, ultimately, if "You Can't Say You Can't Play" was more common, it would engender a high level of basic respect among children and allow children to explore friendships and relationships with a wider breadth of their peers. I recommend it.
I found this book interesting and thought provoking. At first I was wondering if this was going to be a philosophy of "everyone has to be friends", which I don't think works, but it isn't. The way I interpreted it, is it is actually about making friendships and relationships less high stakes and normalizing interactions within the classroom community. As a child I loved having a very-best-friend, but as a parent, I have grown leery of these relationships. They seem slightly restrictive and inhibit the ability to expand their skill sets and people skills. I think, ultimately, if "You Can't Say You Can't Play" was more common, it would engender a high level of basic respect among children and allow children to explore friendships and relationships with a wider breadth of their peers. I recommend it.
March 3, 2023
Me ha gustado mucho. Es un buen libro para reflexionar sobre la exclusión de los niños en el aula. Como futura maestra, este tema me preocupa porque tengo miedo a fallarle a esos niños que se quedan solos en el patio...Paley narra como implementó la norma 'no puedes decirle que no puede jugar' y llevo días dándole vueltas a la cabeza si debería implementarla yo en un aula si tuviera la oportunidad. Para un niño pequeño crecer sintiéndose excluido puede resultar muy duro y este hecho puede repercutir en su autoestima, etc. He recomendado esta lectura a otras maestras de mi facultad porque me ha parecido muy interesante para nuestra formación.
December 27, 2019
I had hopes. It is virtually impossible to find books dealing with "mean girl" behavior among preschool aged children.
I would have liked to have seen strategies for dealing with it aside from outright banning exclusion, which apparently works if the rule is put into place before the problem appears.
I also got to the point where I ignored the imaginary story and just focused on her discussions with the children.
This book works only as a theoretical discussion of unkindness in children but provides few tips for its prevention.
I would have liked to have seen strategies for dealing with it aside from outright banning exclusion, which apparently works if the rule is put into place before the problem appears.
I also got to the point where I ignored the imaginary story and just focused on her discussions with the children.
This book works only as a theoretical discussion of unkindness in children but provides few tips for its prevention.
June 8, 2018
I wasn't particularly fond of the fictional intercuts but the included discussions on rejection with children of various grade levels was interesting in revealing the deceptively simple and often contrary reasoning behind children's decisions. For one, if the greatest pain one can understand is that which one has personally undergone, I found it curious how easily those in Paley's classroom were willing to ostracize their peers when the tables were turned. The easy forgiveness + following joy of play despite artificial insertion via authority figure was also very alien to me as as a child, I often continued feeling unwanted in joining a group that had initially expressed rejection.
Overall the book provides a surface analysis on why even at young ages, community divides and suggests one potential solution when regarding the distinction between public vs private play.
Overall the book provides a surface analysis on why even at young ages, community divides and suggests one potential solution when regarding the distinction between public vs private play.
August 21, 2019
While it is a thought provoking book it doesn’t jive with my beliefs in freedom of play. I returned to this book during a time when the children in my care were vehemently opposed to allowing each other into play. Fortunately I didn’t intervene and things went back to normal for us. This book did give me an opportunity to think about my beliefs on free choice in play and how to support the children in my care.
August 7, 2022
I found this book in the classroom that I started teaching in last year. The title intrigued me as this seems to be a universal difficulty in young children, being excluded from play. I enjoyed the way the author used stories to impart her ideas to her students. The author also worked hard to communicate with her children and give them ownership of their classroom which gave me a lot of food for thought. This books will be recommended to my teacher colleagues.
August 19, 2017
This book is about young children being excluded from playtime. I love the idea, it's just that it was quite hard to follow the book. I found the ending beautiful, though. The story that the teacher wrote in the story was magical and appealing.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
December 8, 2019
Interesting short description of an elementary school teacher introducing children to a new rule. Her fanciful story that she weaves through the observations lost me entirely, but children’s process was very worthwhile.
August 8, 2021
Another Vivian Paley book. A friend of mine who is an educator said that this mantra changed her teaching and her classroom. I am wondering how to put this in action in a threes classroom where I see this exclusion habit happening. How to have a conversation with three year olds about inclusion …
July 24, 2023
Read this while doing some research on play. It’s a quick read. The title kind of says it all but was interesting to read the children’s responses to the new rule. Could have done with a bit less magpie but don’t think I’m really the target audience.
May 29, 2025
I loved this book. Vivian Gussin Paley’s ideas on education and student relationships are fresh and interesting and give an alternative to the typical power dynamics of teachers and more active students.
September 25, 2017
I literally couldn't put it down! I highly recommend to anyone who is thinking of being a teacher. It should be in the classroom of anyone who is already a teacher!
February 21, 2019
A good short read for those with young children, especially more than one at home.
Helped me gain insight into the world of children's play.
Helped me gain insight into the world of children's play.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 95 reviews