Stupid Things I Won't Do When I Get Old

by Steven Petrow

Soon after his 50th birthday, Steven Petrow began assembling a list of “things I won’t do when I get old”—mostly a catalog of all the things he thought his then 70-something year old parents were doing wrong. That list, which included “You won’t have to shout at me that I’m deaf,” and “I won’t blame the family dog for my incontinence,” became the basis of this rousing collection of dos and don’ts, wills and won’ts that is equal parts hilarious, honest, and practical.

The fact is, we don’t want to age the way previous generations did. “Old people” hoard. They bore relatives—and strangers—with tales of their aches and pains. They insist on driving long after they’ve become a danger to others (and themselves). They eat dinner at 4pm. They swear they don’t need a cane or walker (and guess what happens next). They never, ever apologize. But there is another way . . .

In Stupid Things I Won’t Do When I’m Old, Petrow candidly addresses the fears, frustrations, and stereotypes that accompany aging. He offers a blueprint for the new old age, and an understanding that aging and illness are not the same. As he writes, “I meant the list to serve as a pointed reminder—to me—to make different choices when I eventually cross the threshold to ‘old.’”

Getting older is a privilege. This essential guide reveals how to do it with grace, wisdom, humor, and hope. And without hoarding.

Genres: Nonfiction, Humor, Self Help, Memoir, Audiobook, Health, Essays

272 pages, Kindle Edition

First published June 21, 2021

Reviews

[Sandysbookaday (taking a midwinter break) · Rating 4 out of 5]

EXCERPT: Perhaps you remember a few years ago, 'Saturday Night Live' spoofed the American Echo, better known as 'Alexa', beginning with this cautionary sentence: 'The latest technology isn't always easy for people of a certain age.' Referring to a fictitious partnership between Amazon and AARP, the announcer declares that the 'American Echo Silver' edition is designed specifically for the Greatest Generation. It is super loud, and responds to any name remotely like Alexa, including Allegra, Odessa, Anita, Alberta, Alisha, Alessandra, Excedrin and Alopecia. I especially liked the SNL promo for the Echo Silver's handy-dandy feature that helps old people find things.

'Amelia, where did I put the phone?'
'The phone is in your right hand.'

Alexa also provides the latest in sports:

'Clarissa, how many times did Satchel Paige strike out last night?'
'Satchel Paige died in 1982.'
'How many did he get?'
'Satchel Paige died. Is dead.'

Unlike other Alexa editions, this one also provides an 'uh-huh feature' for long rambling stories - because you know the stereotype of old people always repeating themselves.

Simultaneously hilarious and ageist, the skit highlighted several of the ways that our parents generation struggles to master new devices, social media apps and plain old email. Sure, we laugh - but it's not like we're doing so well right now, either.

For instance, one friend told me about her mother's struggles with the new TV she and her siblings had given her. 'Mom loved the picture quality, but the remote just about did her in. We heard from neighbours that every so often, they'd get a call asking for help,' she said. 'We finally figured out that every time Mom accidentally hit 'menu', she practically had to dial 911 - she could press up and down on volume and channels, but the options on the menu were beyond her, so she'd need help getting back to a screen she recognized.'

This friend got a good laugh out of it at the time, but now reports a new found sympathy for her mom. 'I have a new smart TV that's definitely smarter than I am,' she told me.

ABOUT 'STUPID THINGS I WON'T DO WHEN I GET OLD': Soon after his 50th birthday, Steven Petrow began assembling a list of “things I won’t do when I get old”—mostly a catalog of all the things he thought his then 70-something year old parents were doing wrong. That list, which included “You won’t have to shout at me that I’m deaf,” and “I won’t blame the family dog for my incontinence,” became the basis of this rousing collection of do’s and don’ts, wills and won’ts that is equal parts hilarious, honest, and practical.

The fact is, we don’t want to age the way previous generations did. “Old people” hoard. They bore relatives—and strangers—with tales of their aches and pains. They insist on driving long after they’ve become a danger to others (and themselves). They eat dinner at 4pm. They swear they don’t need a cane or walker (and guess what happens next). They never, ever apologize. But there is another way . . .

In Stupid Things I Won’t Do When I’m Old, Petrow candidly addresses the fears, frustrations, and stereotypes that accompany aging. He offers a blueprint for the new old age, and an understanding that aging and illness are not the same. As he writes, “I meant the list to serve as a pointed reminder—to me—to make different choices when I eventually cross the threshold to ‘old.’”

Getting older is a privilege. This essential guide reveals how to do it with grace, wisdom, humor, and hope. And without hoarding.

MY THOUGHTS: Getting older. We're all doing it, until we stop, and Steven has written about his parents and his own journey with an easy humour and realism that had me simultaneously laughing and recognizing little bits of both myself and my husband, and our parents.

He has written a checklist of pitfalls and ways to avoid them as we reach certain milestones. He hasn't confined himself to those amongst us who are aging healthily - he himself hasn't, and he offers great advice tempered with experience on judging just how much people want to know, and just how much and how to tell them.

Along with the amusing anecdotes and sage advice on aging both with and without familial support, Steven takes us through the journeys to the end of some of his beloved friends, and how well, or otherwise, they handled their impending demise.

There is plenty to take away from this read. It offers a wonderful insight for children struggling to deal with the changes in their aging parents, and for those of us who have no idea how we got to the number of years we are so rapidly. I am closer to 70 than 60. Some days I feel twenty one and some days I feel ninety one. I have no idea where all those years went, and so fast! but I enjoyed them and I intend to enjoy the years left to me, without being a burden. Thanks to Steven's lists I now have markers to recognize, and actions I can take.

A book for everyone, no matter your age.

⭐⭐⭐⭐.3

#StupidThingsIWontDoWhenIGetOld #NetGalley

I: @mrstevenpetrow @kensingtonbooks

T: @StevenPetrow @KensingtonBooks

# health #memoir #aging #practicalguide #nonfiction #life

THE AUTHOR: Steven Petrow is an award-winning journalist and book author who is best known for his Washington Post and New York Times essays on aging, health, and LGBTQ issues. He's currently a contributing writer to The Post and The Times as well as a columnist for USA Today.

DISCLOSURE: Thank you to Kensington Books, Citadel, via Netgalley for providing both a digital ARC and an audio ARC of Stupid Things I Won't Do When I Get Old by Steven Petrow, and narrated by Michael Butler Murray, for review. All opinions expressed in this review are entirely my own personal opinions.

For an explanation of my rating system please refer to my Goodreads.com profile page or the about page on sandysbookaday.wordpress.com

This review and others are also published on Twitter, Amazon, Instagram and my webpage https://sandysbookaday.wordpress.com/...

[Christine · Rating 4 out of 5]

4 stars

Getting old happens to everyone, but it’s happening to me now. So the title of this one caught my attention and reminded me of the fact that I’m not getting any younger. No one really wants to address this stuff. You know, gee, do I need to think about who’s going to take care of me since I have no kids to do that? And who’s going to badger me about giving up my driver’s license and write my obit and clean out all my clutter and dreadful stuff like that? Not my nonexistent kids. I decided I better start giving these issues more thought. But I need something gentle to start with. This book has a kind of amusing cover so I dared to read the blurb and it seemed like this would be a light and amusing journey to take with the aging Mr. Petrow. I could pull my head out from the sand a bit and just stick my toe in the water, you know?

Well, I have to say I really enjoyed Mr. Petrow’s tips. He writes simply and humorously and knows how to get a point across. He puts forth a lot of funny, interesting, and very helpful tips in the form of vignettes and anecdotes for us almost oldsters. I was aware of a lot of the advice already, but he writes in such a way that I was compelled to actually pay attention and think about these things. I even thought about taking notes to refer to as I get closer to incompetence.

This book is divvied up into 3 parts. Part I is “Stupid Things I Won’t Do Today” like “I won’t double space after periods” and the vey helpful “I won’t limit myself to friends my own age.” Part II is “Stupid Things I Won’t Do Tomorrow” like “I won’t smell like a decrepit old man” and “I won’t fall prey to scams, schemes, or sleazeballs.” These little chapters had me laughing out loud again and again, while at the same time I was thinking about how I needed to really consider some of this advice.

The tone changes however with Part III—“Stupid Things I Won’t Do at The End.” In these chapters the ambience becomes less playful and a little more serious. Topics include such things as “I won’t depart this life without someone holding my hand,” I won’t let anything stop me from saying I love you…and goodbye,” and I won’t die without writing letters to my loved ones.” I found this section to be moving and quite powerful. I decided the heck with taking notes—I am going to buy myself a copy of this book so I can refer to it for inspiration and reminders as I trudge down the one-way street to becoming an old person. Even if you are a baby, like 30 years old, this book is worth a read. I recommend it for everybody.

Thanks, Mr. Petrow.

[Carole · Rating 4 out of 5]

Stupid Things I Won’t Do When I Get Old by Steven Petrow is at times an eye-opener, at times depressing and most of the time enchantingly funny. But all is not amusing: we are all headed in the same direction and should think ahead. Aging never happens by surprise and the main gist of this book is that we should think of our future years in a positive way, making plans for what will happen to us later. Some of the advice is tongue-in-cheek comical but there are also valuable pointers on how to prepare for senior time. If I found the book a wee bit depressing, I’m sure that is due to the fact that I find myself lurching towards aging. This was a thoughtful book dealing with a subject matter that will help prepare the baby boomers for later years. Highly recommended.

[Alicia Bayer · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book starts out rather humorous and sometimes mocking, but it evolves into a really helpful, heartfelt list of the ways we sabotage ourselves and our relationships in our oldest years. The author wrote it over a ten year period of his parents' last years and deaths, starting when they were alive and were sometimes just annoying in their habits but ending up with all of the wisdom he gathered from loving them, losing them, and seeing what he would do differently. Along the way he also describes beloved friends who lived life (and the end of it) exceptionally well, with lessons for all of us.

I read a digital ARC of this book via NetGalley.

[Brian · Rating 2 out of 5]

As Stephen Petrow entered his 50s, he began assembling this collection of resolutions about how he wished to behave as he aged. Many of them represent his responses to attitudes and behaviors he observed in his parents or other older people and didn’t want to emulate.

I found the list to be uneven. Some of the things Petrow vows never to do would never even occur to me to do (e.g., dye my hair) or just aren’t applicable to my life (e.g., lying about my age on dating apps). Other items in his list do contain some nuggets of advice that provided me with food for thought, although there is really nothing in the book that’s particularly revolutionary. The book is enlivened by personal stories, some of which are heartfelt and poignant and others that are amusing.

Overall, I think the best approach to the book is to consider it a checklist of things to think about as you age. If you’re like me, some of his advice will resonate with you, some will not.

[Kristi Lamont · Rating 3 out of 5]

I picked this book up on a sort-of whim at my public library today, realizing as I did so it was because that my aunt and uncle had been down for a visit this week, and my aunt had sort of marveled at the fact that she would be 70 at the end of the month.

My aunt will be 70 at the end of the month.

This. Does. Not. Compute.

My aunt is about 40. My uncle is about 45. They are, they are, they are. My mom (who, interestingly enough, is older than my uncle her brother) is 38. My friend Lisa is 42 (she's not, she's 50 or close to it). I'm about 47. My sister, who will be 50 this year, is 36. My brother, older than her, is 24.

My daddy is not only about 55, he's not dead anymore.

Isn't it funny how we fix ourselves and others in time?

And isn't it funny how every generation thinks it's the first one to discover/explore/grapple with something? Sex! Babies! Families! Business!

Mortality!

So, yeah, this book made me go back and think on things I thought I'd already done thought through before.**

And it was really well done, and it brought up all of the right issues and factors to consider and decisions to make, and I'm glad I read it.

But there was something just a _little_ off-putting about the tone/content. Part of me (the recovering journalist not-so-deep-inside me), was a little repulsed at how vulturelike Steven Petrow was about picking out his and his family members' very intimate stories, behaviors, physical declines. I recognize the impulse. Been there, done that. Something like might still be doing it. Doesn't mean I like it in myself, either; I do try to rein it in.

There was something else, too, that I can't quite put my finger on. It was a tone of if-not-outright-condescension for all of us "younger" folk and those of the Baby Boomer generation he does not consider to be quite so "woke" and worldly and experienced and erudite as him, then something mighty damn close.

So. I'm left with this. There are several people in my life I care about who would probably get a lot of food for thought if they read this book (not my family, most certainly not Daddy, given his current physical limitations), and I could see doctors and clergy/leaders of different faith-based organizations, and mental health professionals recommending this as a good "how to think about aging" primer.

I just wish someone else had written it.

**
About a million years ago, in another life/another time/another place, I was way down South in a particularly rural part of an-already particularly rural county, at a cookout. I'd been there a couple of hours; most of us had already not only eaten with seconds, we'd had dessert, the keg was fixin' to float, and the moonshine (the real kind, not store-boughten) was out.

And then this family arrived. Mom, Dad, two little kids (or maybe eight, who the hell knows, I was drinking moonshine).

And the woman says, to her mother who was the hostess, "Hey Mama! Y'all done been eat long yet?"

Ah, the Elizabethan Construct. My people.

[Book lover · Rating 1 out of 5]

This book is not interesting, funny nor was it amusing. I decided I had enough at 32%

[Žaba Čita Novine · Rating 1 out of 5]

DNFed at 25%

This was really not the right book for me and not at all what I have expected. I must say that I have no interest whatsoever in erectile disfunction in older men, dying your hair to look younger or just straight lying about your age.

[Ghoul Von Horror · Rating 2 out of 5]

Thought this was going to be funny but came off preachy. 🙄

[Becky · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5 stars. This starts off, as the author says, in a judgmental way. The author witnessed his own parents' decline and deaths and made this list of things he won't do when in the same position, as an elderly man. But the book does turn from the practical (stop driving when unsafe, get a hearing aid) to the poignant when Petrow realizes that his frustrations came from a mixture of love and fear of aging. With some of the tenderness with which he speaks of his parents, also comes a wisdom that there is a reason people do what they do. He gives some interesting information that I found to be useful, as well.

Here's one of the things he learned in writing this book: "I don't see my parents' behaviors and attitudes as "wrong" (much less "stupid") so much as self-defeating. I wanted more for them.... Many of their choices narrowed their lives, and may have shortened their days." This is the compassion of someone who loved his parents. There is also great fear in getting older, losing control of body and mind. This is a palpable fear in the book.

I, too, have a list. I want to get a hearing aid when I need one. I want to stop driving when it is time and without a fight. I want to make things easier for my children and spouse in caring for me, not being a burden, and still being, not only someone others want to be around, but also retaining the essence of "me". If anything, this book does eventually turn me toward great compassion toward my own parents, who are now 80 and exhibit some of their own "older" personality traits. But love, compassion, and dignity should guide my care for them always, so the wheel of time can turn that forward and then back to me, someday.

[Carla · Rating 5 out of 5]

I'm sure we all think our parents or grandparents can be embarrassing and do things that we would never do when we get to their age, well, think again. When Steven Petrow was 50, he began to make a list of all the things his parents were doing wrong and eventually, all these lists became this book. Now, I am in my 60s and I laughed wholeheartedly as I listened to this book. I also had a list in my mind of things my mother did that I was never going to do, but, I know I have turned into my mother, at least partly. There is a lot to laugh at in this book, as you see yourself in its pages, but there are also some serious points that are helpful. If you are a younger person reading or listening to this book, listen carefully. You will see where you might be able to curb your frustrations and impatience with older relatives and friends. One really important thing I took from this book is that we need to have a positive frame of mind and live life to the fullest, even as we age. I really enjoyed Steven Petrow's anecdotes that he shared with his readers and I think I would love to meet and talk to him. The audiobook was narrated by Michael Butler Murray and I loved his performance and reading of this book. I really felt like I was sitting and listening to someone sharing their stories with me in a café or livingroom. I definitely recommend this book to everyone. It is a pure delight. The publisher generously provided me with a copy of this book upon request. The rating and opinions shared are my own.

[Nengshi Haokip · Rating 5 out of 5]

First off, I want to clarify that I’m not old, though at times my body feels so. 😄And I didn’t pick up this book because I feel old but my parents are getting old and there are many times we’ve come to loggerheads because they’re too stubborn or can’t give up a habit that they’re used to. I read this mainly to understand them better and also to avoid some common mistakes being old tends to make people do, like feeling entitled for eg.

I loved this book and I’d recommend it to anyone cause let’s face it we’re dealing with old in some way or the other. It started as a humorous mocking satire of old age but as the book progresses I could see that it’s a practical view of what being old looks like. And especially with very independent and active parents it’s hard for them to accept that they’re not young and healthy as they used to be and there are some things which are beyond their capacity. And sometimes they’re too adamant to seek help due to their limitations.

Mr. Petrow has written this book all based on personal experiences based on his struggles with his old parents and also from his and his friends’ experiences now that they’re in their fifties and sixties. They are just simple things but worth remembering when dealing with our old parents and what not to do when we eventually become old. And I loved that the narrator was able to capture the essence of the book brilliantly.

Thanks to NetGalley and HighBridge Audio for providing an ALC of the book in exchange for an honest opinion.

#NetGalley #StupidThingsIWon’tDoWhenIGetOld

[Mook Woramon · Rating 4 out of 5]

แค่ชื่อหนังสือก็สะดุดใจแล้ว ไอ้เรามันก็วัยใกล้สี่สิบซะด้วย ยังไม่แก่หรอก แค่เป็นกรดไหลย้อน กินบุฟเฟ่ต์ไม่ไหว เมาง่ายขึ้นแค่นั้นเอง 🥹🥹
แต่อยากจะอ่านเรื่องนี้เผื่อไว้ เผื่อวันไหนแก่ตัวไปจะได้แก่แบบมีคุณภาพ 😅😅

ผู้เขียนเป็นนักข่าววัยหกสิบปี ผ่านประสบการณ์มามากมาย เป็นมะเร็ง แต่งงาน หย่าร้าง ซึมเศร้า สูญเสียคนรัก
ผ่านร้อนผ่านหนาวมาขนาดนี้ ผู้เขียนจึงตกตะกอนชีวิตมาเขียนเป็นหนังสือรวมคำแนะนำ 43 ข้อ

อ่านช่วงแรกเฉย ๆ เพราะส่วนใหญ่คำแนะนำเกี่ยวข้องกับเรื่องส่วนตัวของผู้เขียน
อ่านไปเรื่อย ๆ เริ่มอิน มันเป็นคำแนะนำของคนวัยนี้ที่เตือนสติหนุ่มสาวและคนวัยเดียวกัน

‘ใช้ชีวิตให้ดี ๆ แก่ตัวไปให้ดี ๆ มีความสุขให้มากหน่อย กังวลให้น้อยหน่อย ทะนุถนอมความสัมพันธ์ จากไปอย่างงดงาม’

เป็นคำแนะนำที่ดูง่าย แต่แน่นอนว่าทำจริงไม่ง่ายขนาดนั้น การอ่านหนังสือแนวนี้บ่อย ๆ ก็เพื่อเตือนตัวเองว่าอย่าลืมสิ่งเรียบง่ายเหล่านี้

[Timothy · Rating 3 out of 5]

It was OK. A list of notions or traps that we all fall into as we age, yet we all swear will never happen to us when we’re older. Apparently this author has resolved never have negative life issues as he ages. We all resolve to do the same. It doesn’t work out that way.

[Donna Craig · Rating 5 out of 5]

When I was reading this book, I enjoyed it a lot but didn’t realize I would end up giving it five stars. The author’s irreverent humor didn’t seem appropriate at first. However, as I continued reading, I got into his groove and began to learn from his experiences. I began to agree with his conclusions. I began, in essence, to realize the stupid things I don’t want to do when I’m old.
In case you, like me, are worried that he will disrespect the elderly, let me tell you a few stupid things I agreed with him on:
I will not plan to age in place. Instead, I will plan for appropriate levels of care as I age.
I will not allow myself to eat supper earlier and earlier (or go to bed earlier and earlier).
I WILL allow myself to tell the good stories over and over again. How else can my grandchildren memorize them?
I finished this book almost two weeks ago, but I can’t stop thinking about it. I even had a big conversation with my mom because of this book.
Great book. It addresses so many important (and some vain) topics about aging). A very worthwhile read, especially if you are middle aged.

[Vanessa · Rating 2 out of 5]

Unfortunately, this book is one I had to skim through, a lot, in order to finish. (And I nearly DNF'ed it...)

I expected a funny and insightful personal list of things to avoid doing as you get older, but sadly the book was neither.

It feels more like a bitter account of the struggles of a man growing older, focusing on somewhat shallow things, like dying your hair to look younger, lying about your age, talking, in lengthy depth, about erectile dysfunction and male insecurities about getting older.

It could have been funny and a sort of "what not to do" guide/list as you face the inevitable fact of ageing.
But... no. It just fell flat and not interesting at all.

I don't know if I'd recommend this book or not, but it wasn't the book for me sadly.


I still want to thank NetGalley and the publisher HighBridge Audio for allowing me to listen to the audiobook version in exchange for my honest review and opinion.

#StupidThingsIWontDoWhenIGetOld #NetGalley

[Marsha Miller · Rating 4 out of 5]

Close to 70 and just retired, much of this book comes close [too close?] to things I’ve been thinking about, or thinking about thinking about. Plus I have a friend going thru many of the issues with her parents, so kind of a perfect storm for the purpose and focus of this book. Even though I don’t have siblings and have never had a significant other, I can see that I am more or less in the right place and need to get a move on with some of the things that come up. I’ve already started my own short list of things to do/not do - I promise not to save the butter pats or the jellies but I will have problems giving up the ‘perfect’ box. I also put down, get out of the house and go for a short drive almost every day - it’s amazing how quickly your driving skills can start to deteriorate - and also, go a new way or down a new street and focus on the new surroundings. I know I need to create a network of [probably] single or newly single people who can check in on each other at least electronically every day or so. And I’m investigating some of the newer ways to delicately decompose in an environmentally conscious way. The parts about ‘aging in place’ are worrying and I need to get more real about that. As a retired academic librarian I am very focused on holding on to my mind. One of the signs in my office was “whimsy welcome here.” And that will continue to push against getting too serious as the days and years go forward. There are people I want to recommend this book to including those teaching a course called Society and Aging. Note: I read much of this on a car trip home from a family memorial gathering so family things were on my mind. Note: several books referenced I want to check out and also there were some good quotes!

[Katie (spellboundbooks_) · Rating 2 out of 5]

This was a book club pick so I picked it up on audio. If I’m honest I thought it was going to be more funny little things old people do that we don’t want to do later and less some man’s memoir.

It felt very repetitive to me and I kept feeling like I had already listened to a part just to figure out he was mentioning the same story again (maybe that’s part of the getting old part though…).

I don’t know what I expected with this one and maybe I’m too young for it (I am the only one in my 20s in my book club made up entirely of people 55+). I did see a lot of similarities in stuff my parents and other old people around me do. But it just wasn’t that interesting to me.

[Jayne · Rating 2 out of 5]

In this book, the author addresses the fears, frustrations, and stereotypes that accompany aging.

I was anticipating a funny, insightful, witty, and heartwarming recap on the challenges of aging.

Instead, this book fell flat.

WHY?

1) The author is male and I am female.
Perhaps we face different aging challenges.

2) I did not chuckle once.
Perhaps we have a very, very different sense of humor.

I listened to the audiobook read by Michael Butler Murray. The narration was good but not great.

Special thanks to NetGalley for providing me with an ARC in exchange for an honest review.

[Amanda · Rating 4 out of 5]

I loved this. I laughed out loud and cried too. The beginning tone was a bit hard to grasp and relate to, so if you start and hesitate to keep going, push on. This one is worth it- it ends with heart and humor.

[Ketti · Rating 4 out of 5]

Fun and interesting book, especially at my age. I helped my parents and parents-in-law as they were aging, I learned a lot. Petrows list and mine aren’t quite the same but this book has me developing a unique list of my own.
Quotes –
“Balance comes from adapting quickly.”
“Retirement for men is especially a real killer. A recent study shows that those who retire at age 55 were nearly 95% more likely to die in the next decade then those who retired at 65. I felt certain that those early retirees were already sick or had unhealthy lifestyles, but I was wrong.
There is reason to believe retirement in general could cause you to meet your maker sooner then intended. Which is how the Wall Street Journal reported on the study. (He then relates a number of famous people who retired and then died within months of retirement.)

[Yaaresse · Rating 3 out of 5]

2.5, but I'm rounding up for mention of the tendency of old people to hoard those single serving jellies and butter pats. Oh, the recognition there!

I used to be in restaurant management. My mother, who didn't have age to blame so much as general cussedness and a slight kleptomania, would steal us blind of anything single serve like those Smuckers jellies. Or, for that matter, entire bottles of AI sauce and silverware. She probably had a million of them hoarded in her house. No amount of pleading or reminding her my pay was tied to food costs would faze her from her klepto mission. With my mother-in-law, it was rubber bands. She must have saved every rubber band that ever crossed her path.

Petrow made a list of all the things his older relatives, but especially his parents, did that made life more difficult and fearful for everyone involved. You know how it is -- or you will someday -- when a parent refuses to admit they are no longer able to drive, clean the gutters, navigate steep stairs, or some other thing that was easy for them 40 years ago. Or when they refuse to wear hearing aids or use walking aids or accept ANY aid in spite of really, really, really needing it. At first, it all looks like a slightly cantankerous list of complaints, but Petrow does tuck some good points in them. Yes, the throw rugs do need to go because they are a tripping hazard. Doesn't matter how they look. And, no, yelling at a person with dementia isn't going to make them snap out of it, so you just have to figure out how to meet them in their new reality without losing your grip on your reality. The problem is that it just goes on too long. Had he stopped at half the list, it would have retained novelty and a certain irritable charm. Instead, it ends up becoming its own "Stupid Thing." Maybe by now he has added "I won't nitpick every single thing someone else does."

[Al · Rating 5 out of 5]

I don't really know what to say about this book. There were parts that I absolutely can't relate to but everything was thought provoking. No question my older brother experienced much of those portions of the book. There was a lot I could relate to. Some things that had never occurred to me. There were parts that made me emotional. Few books do that to, (or for) me.
One thing that resonated with me was letters that were written. One in particular was a mother who was dying who wrote a number of letters to her son. Each letter was kept from him until a particular event happened. One example is a letter from her that he got when he graduated college.
Some people wrote their own epitaphs. For various reasons.
What this book made me think of to do is to write my own letter. I want my wife and daughter to read it after I die. Share it with others if they wish. I want them to understand that there was a lot in my life that I cherish. I think it will be too long, but as my dying wish, they will have to read it. All of it. Seriously.

[Lisa Konet · Rating 5 out of 5]

I do not consider myself old yet, I will be 38 next month in June. I like that this book was about not letting your age getting in the way of living your life. I would say 95% of this book humorous but it was also very personal and honest about the aging process and that old age does not have to be a death sentence. Filled with wonderful anecdotes and humor.

I definitely recommend this for anyone who is trying to fight their age and the aging process. I think I will get this at publishing, it was that good. I sincerely hope Steven Petrow writes more nonfiction if it is as good as this one.

Thanks to Netgalley, Steven Petrow and Kensington Books for an ARC in exchange for an honest review. I also thank Kensington Books for an auto approval to all the wonderful titles in the publisher's collection.

Available: 6/29/21

[Helen · Rating 3 out of 5]

Steven Petrow's book is a compilation of useful things to think about as the people we love get older and so do we. I would describe it as an antidote to the denial that keeps us from thinking about the possibility of losing our physical and/or mental abilities and (heaven forbid) actually dying. In the beginning, Petrow's humorous style was engaging, but then it really began to wear on me and half way through I thought about quitting. Part of that was the repetitive nature of his stories. Spoiler alert--he and his husband divorced and his parents both died in a year's time, which he mentions many times. However, it is actually a useful list even though not everything he writes about will be applicable to everyone.

[Dora Okeyo · Rating 4 out of 5]

Growing old is inevitable, just like the saying goes "what goes up but never comes down?" and the answer is always "age," well, this book was downright hilarious. When I saw it on Netgalley, I was hooked by the title alone because I wanted to know what stupid things the author wouldn't do when he gets old, but what I found instead was a list of experiences that highlight the fears and our take on aging that made this book relatable.
Thanks Netgalley for the eARC.

[Jaime · Rating 3 out of 5]

A realistic read regarding how we turn into our parents as we age. I connected with this book as there were many times I used to say, “when I reach your age I will never….(fill in blank); yet, now that I am older I find myself doing exactly what my parents would have done. It’s nice to know I am not the only one experiencing this phenomenon. The book was very easy to read and the subject matter was witty instead of dull and dry. There is something for everyone in this book!

[Tammy · Rating 3 out of 5]

There’s some humor and entertainment to be found here, as well as a few poignant chapters. But I can’t ignore that it’s written from the perspective of a privileged white person, who actually has choices in retirement. Everyone can choose their attitudes, it’s true, but not everyone can choose their living arrangement or nursing home as they age. In fact most people, in the end, are sent to whatever facility that Medicaid agrees to provide.

[Cathryn Conroy · Rating 5 out of 5]

Stupid Things I Won't Do When I Get Old: Highly Judgmental, Unapologetically Honest Accounting of All the Things Our Elders Are Doing Wrong *****
Boomers, take note! At times hilarious and always filled with wisdom and good common sense, this is a must-read book for everyone over 55 that tackles head-on and without reservations many of the stereotypes of aging. It is packed with solid, smart advice that is made interesting with anecdotal stories and sprinkled with good humor.

Author Steven Petrow watched his mother and father grow older, decline, and eventually die. They aged in place but became a huge burden to their three children, none of whom lived close to them. This book is a warning: Don't do that! If you don't want to age like your parents did, this little book of advice is just what you need.

He also watched all the little stuff his parents did and swore he wouldn't. And that list of "not-do's" includes:
• Not coloring his hair although he will still shamelessly rock those "too young for you" outfits.
• Not being afraid to learn new technology.
• Not lying about his age.
• Not lying to his doctor.
• Not joining the "organ recital" of talking incessantly about his aches and pains and diseases.
• Not hoarding butter pats in restaurants.
• Not resisting using hearing aids, a walker, or a cane when they are needed.
• Not ordering the early bird special.
• Not repeating stories…over and over and over again.
• Not refusing to get his affairs in order.

Reading this book before you really need it is helpful as a nudge (don't be like that!) and as a guide if you're dealing right now with aging parents. Most of all, it is pragmatic, hands-on advice—and that's priceless.

And always remember this: Every birthday is a blessing and a privilege—not a right. Act accordingly.

[Terris · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book was very good. It first sounded like it was going to be funny -- and there was some humor interjected. But mostly it was helpful in the way we look at aging.

The author (63 years-of-age at the time of the writing) had recently gone through the caretaking and deaths of his parents. So, because of his experiences with them (and also because of some of his own health issues), he was able to speak in a light, but serious way about how uncomfortable situations can be handled with kindness and respect. He was also helpful in recommending different kinds of planning so that circumstances don't end up frantic and chaotic.

This book was well-written and made the reader think about not only elderly relatives that might need care, but also of ourselves and what we might need to be getting organized over time to make things easier as we need to move, downsize, or require more care. It was very eye-opening and thought-provoking! I highly recommend it!