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352 pages, Paperback
First published February 18, 2020
You are worth seven-dollar lilies. You are worth the thing that instantly makes your life better. I've heard people talk about their favourite exercise class this way. I've heard people talk about an order of guacamole with their tacos this way. I've heard people talk about the ten-dollar, ten-minute massage at the nail salon this way. That small, pleasurable thing that makes you feel like you are treating yourself – do not deprive yourself of this. Buy the f*cking lilies, take the class, order the guac, get the massage.
Before I began my path to re-parenting and healing my wounds, it never occurred to me that you could enjoy your life. Having grown up in chaos, I naturally and easily built disorder into my adult life. I was so good at it, you guys. I thought that was life: a series of problems to be tackled until you have lived another day, only to face a new disaster. Divorce, fights, your parents losing their jobs, fights with your boyfriend, you possibly losing your job, being too high, not knowing yourself, those were the things my life was made up of. In that place of turmoil, I only had the wherewithal to survive to the next day. I was barely present for a life that I felt was happening to me.
I began to realize that I did indeed have a lot to be grateful for. That didn't mean I didn't also have trauma in my life. It certainly didn't mean that I had worked out all of my issues from childhood and now everything was “perf, thanks, byeee.” The trauma and the gratitude were able to live in the same space, together. Little by little, I pulled the golden thread of gratitude out from the blanket of pain I usually wrapped myself in.