Septyni meilės dėsniai

by Gary Chapman, Rūta Šiugždinytė (Translator)

„Meilė turi daug veidų. Ji kaip deimantas – turi daug plokštumų, bet visos atspindi grožį. Septynios pagrindinės meilės savybės, kartu sudėtos, formuoja mylintį žmogų, bet svarbi kiekviena savybė. Jei vienos trūks tavo santykiuose su kitais žmonėmis, neteksi kažko svarbaus."

Tokiais žodžiais bestselerių autorius G. Chapmanas prabyla apie gerumą, kantrybę, atlaidumą, mandagumą, nuolankumą, dosnumą ir sąžiningumą. Remdamasis tikrais žmonių pasakojimais, jis atskleidžia, kokios kliūtys ir nesusipratimai iškyla tarpusavio santykiuose, pateikia patarimų, klausimų ir pratimų, kurie padeda įvertinti savo pranašumus ir silpnybes.

„Septyni meilės dėsniai" – išminties vadovas visiems, norintiems mylėti ir būti mylimiems.
Septynios mylinčio žmogaus savybės nėra tik penkių meilės kalbų priedas. Jos sudaro kiekvienos meilės kalbos pagrindą. Kad bet kokiuose tarpusavio santykiuose mūsų meilė būtų veiksminga, turime naudotis šiomis septyniomis savybėmis.

Dr. Gary Chapmanas – populiarios knygų serijos „Penkios meilės kalbos" autorius, lektorius, taip pat „Santuokos ir šeimos santykių" bendrovės direktorius. G. Chapmanas keliauja po pasaulį vesdamas seminarus ir yra parašęs daugiau nei 20 knygų.

Genres: Christian, Relationships, Nonfiction, Self Help, Love, Marriage, Christianity

336 pages, Hardcover

First published January 1, 2008

About the author

Gary Demonte Chapman is an American author and radio talk show host. Chapman is most noted for his The Five Love Languages series regarding human relationships.

Reviews

[Ron Wroblewski · Rating 5 out of 5]

The 7 characteristics of love - Kindness, Patience, Forgiveness, Courtesy, Humility, Generosity, and Honesty - are discussed in detail. If you want to live a loving life, these are the traits you need to develop. A good yardstick to measure yourself by.

[Wannie Michelmann · Rating 5 out of 5]

I love the way Gary Chapman always presenting practical stuff we can do. In this book it covers basically how to serve others through patience, love, kindness, courtesy, forgiveness, humility and generosity. It is anti-culture however being holy is being anti-culture. I like this book a lot. It motivates me to want to be better and start looking out for small ways daily to serve others.

[Jessica · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was a great book to really find out where you could do a better job of showing people love. It goes through the different characteristics of love and how you can put them into action in your own life. I was able to see for myself where I could do a better job on each area.

[Debby · Rating 5 out of 5]

I chose to read this book b/c I wanted to know what Gary Chapman had to say about loving as a way of life, especially when it's hard or let's say, not so easy. I mean who wouldn't want to learn how to love better? However, it's one of those subjects that you think about but never get around to figuring out where to start or "what" needs tweaked. Personaly, I'd also rather read a book than fork out LOADS of money on some counselor who may not have much on the ball in the area of how to love others well either.

The seven aspects Chapman addresses in Loving as a Way of Life are: kindness, patience, forgiveness, courtesy, humility, generosity and honesty. WOW!! Just reading the Table of Contents had me hooked. Very convicting! He defines each aspect of love quite well, has helpful questions in each chapter to help you evaluate how you are really doing, what each aspect looks like in daily life and what it doesn't look like. He also helps you to see which aspects may be strengths or weaknessees and offers very practical suggestions for improvementi. He looks at loving as a way of life in marriage, in parenting and in the workplace as well. I found it very helpful to look at each of the aspects in various life situations. I know I will definitely be much more mindful of the seven aspects in all areas of life now.

I wish this material had been around in book form when I was growing up and especially when I got married. Not everybody grows up in an outwardly loving and nurturing environment where they'd pick up this kind of information and/or have it modeled. I can't think of anybody who couldn't benefit from reading this book and therefore, make positive changes in their life and the lives of those they come in contact with on a daily basis.

[Martyna Zelevaitė · Rating 2 out of 5]

Baigiau skaityti ties skyriumi apie atleidimą. Kaip geruosius atlaidaus žmogaus pavyzdžius autorius (kuris, beje, pastorius) pateikia istorijas, kai nuolat engiami ir skaudinami žmonės toliau rodo šiltus jausmus savo skriaudėjams bet kokia kaina ir taip tarsi demonstruoja tikrąją tyrą ir nepalaužiamą meilęt bei viltį.

Vienas iš pastoriaus pasirinktų pavyzdžių - tėvo nuo penkerių metų tvirkinta dukra, dabar jau suaugusi moteris, išlydinti jį ligoninėje į paskutinę kelionę, kur dar kartą po daug metų klausosi, kaip tėvas klejodamas su džiaugsmu prisimena, kaip ją skriaudžia. Sori, bet šitoje vietoje pasidarė labai koktu ir gaila, kad skaityčiau pastoriaus pamokymų toliau.

Apibendrinant, gal katalikui patarimai geri, tačiau turiu nuojautą, kad terapeutė autoriui nepritartų.

[Sotiris Makrygiannis · Rating 4 out of 5]

Some previous books had lots of preaching and mixing Christianity, so I was a bit sceptical but this book is fantastic. Has none of the religious brainwashing and is all about behaviours that we need to develop or to avoid. Highly recommended in order to remind our self what love is all about.

[Narcisa Chiric · Rating 4 out of 5]

Gary Chapman recomandă să practicăm iubirea ca mod de viață prin aplicarea celor șapte trăsături ale unei persoane iubitoare: bunătatea, sinceritatea, smerenia, generozitatea, răbdarea, iertarea și respectul.

Autorul este convins că e suficient să nu avem în vedere o singură trăsătură pentru ca relațiile interumane să aibă de suferit. Astfel, el dezvoltă aceste abilități în carte pentru a ne oferi îndemnuri și exemple de cum pot fi practicate în viața de zi cu zi.

Sunt obișnuită cu stilul lui Chapman (ideea celor cinci limbaje ale iubirii mi se pare ideală) și totodată surprinsă cu fiecare carte nouă pentru aportul adus relațiilor cu cei din jur.

[AchiMsd · Rating 2 out of 5]

Daca vrei sa ti se faca greata la auzirea/citirea cuvantului ‘iubire’ .. aceasta carte e potrivita pentru tine. Asta in cazul in care nu esti in clasele 5-8 si incepi sa experimentezi viata.. in cazul acesta ti’o recomand.


Nu o recomand celor care au o gandire sanatoasa.
Nu am reusit nici sa o termin.. cu un mega efort am ajuns pana la pagina 218;ma zgaria pe ochi fiecare propozitie.

In concluzie: daca nu ai sub 18 ani.. nu ti-o recomand. ❌
(6)

[Shannon · Rating 5 out of 5]

One of the best books on relationships I've ever read. I checked this one out from the library but I plan to purchase it and re-read it regularly. I think I will also create a home school unit study on the seven facets of love that he outlines in this book and have my kids learn how to love--- this would be a perfect book to read alongside a teenager.

[Veronica Foley · Rating 5 out of 5]

I listened to the audiobook version of this. I like how Gary Chapman describes a way to make it easy to love others. He gives great examples to help us be kind to others and encourages us to always be honest.

[Amanda · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book made me reflect about what it means to lead a life of love. Gary Chapman’s reflective questions at the end of each chapter really helped me to explore the 7 concepts more deeply.

Definitely a recommended read for anyone who feels somewhat adrift and wants a bit of guidance.

[Sheila · Rating 4 out of 5]

Chapters 5, 9 & 10 were my favorites.

[Ruth OD · Rating 5 out of 5]

Best book I’ve read all year. Very practical - in my opinion better than five love languages

[Mindy · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wonderful book to encourage you within your marriage!

[Sue · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book gives a solid foundation for the principles of expressing love to other people. It's written from a Christian perspective, but in a fairly low-key way so that it could be applicable to everyone.

The author proposes that the main methods of behaving in a loving way to strangers as well as family and friends include kindness, forgiveness, courtesy, and honesty. All rather obvious, yet it seems that most people display only one or two of these and need a refresher course in ways to show more love and acceptance to those around them.

So, after introducing reasons why he believes that love is important, the author takes one method at a time, and expands on what he believes they encompass, and practical ways of going about showing them.

I don't think there was anything new or life-changing in this book; it took me six weeks to read it, not because it was dull or difficult, but because a few pages at a time were sufficient to provoke a bit of thought. Gary Chapman is the author of the 'five love languages' books, which are eye-opening to many people, and which I found difficult to put down when I first read a couple of them. This one is less so - but nonetheless, worth reading if you are interested in the topic.

[Diana · Rating 5 out of 5]

I listened to this as an audiobook on my way to work (at an inner-city high school where there is a serious love deficit in some kids). It was absolutely the perfect thing to hear as you're stuck in traffic or anticipating your to-do list because it gave me a sense of PEACE. Chapman's sweet southern drawl helped, too. I would love to photocopy excerpts of this book and give it to my students as a reading/self-reflection. It would be a great addition to any values education program as well as for anyone who wants to be more loving. I also appreciated the short "quizzes" or checklists at the beginning of each chapter and the summary reminders at the end.

I am a Christian and I think Gary Chapman puts forth Christian principles here without beating anyone over the head. It is a *good* example of what living like Christ would be like. That said, it's 100% appropriate for anyone of any faith or no faith--it mostly talks about how we choose to treat each other.

I was sad I had to return the audiobook to the library because I think I would be a better person if I listened to it every day.

[Karen Blanchette · Rating 1 out of 5]

Ok, so I only made it through halfway through the first subject: "Kindness", so my opinion doesn't have a whole lot to go on, but I just didn't want to keep reading it.

I think my main issue with this book is that I really don't think it said much of anything. I mean, when you think of living a loving life of course kindness is going to be one of your traits. I don't really need a whole chapter of examples on different ways to be kind. I learned that stuff when I was 5. Granted, we don't always do it, but it's not because we don't know what kindness is. I just felt like it was extremely surface level and simply reiterated the basic "this is how to be a good human" traits that everyone should know by the time they could even pick this book up to read it.

To me, the examples and discussion of "kindness" just did not at all have any depth or insight in it whatsoever and just became annoying. It was annoying enough that I don't really want to pick it up and read the rest of the book.

[Charmin · Rating 5 out of 5]

HIGHLIGHTS:
1. Putting your spouse before yourself is crucial to making marriage work.

2. Kindness involves sacrifice. "I'm the one who is privileged to help someone in need."

3. Allow someone to be imperfect.

4. Love is an attitude that says "I choose you to focus my life on helping others.

5. Life is a slow journey of becoming the people we choose to be.

6. Small lies destroy relationships.

7. Generosity: In today's culture, time is one of the most important things we can offer someone. To give someone your time is to give him a portion of your life. And it's important thing may not be the most urgent.

8. Humility in marriage might need sacrificing a job, your first choice of how to spend the weekend, or simply the need to win an argument.

9. Accepting the help of others is one of the best and most difficult ways I’m fostering loving relationships.

10. Anger should be a visitor, not a resident.

[Abner Huertas]

¿Qué es amar? es a caso un sentimiento?.

Para muchos el amar debe ser un sentimiento, si no lo hay se decide no amar a alguien. Con amar no me refiero a esa hermosa sensación de pareja sino al interesarte verdaderamente por los demás. ¿por qué se "acaba" el amor en las parejas?.... mucho de esto es dado a que vemos el amor como algo que se debe sentir.



Y qué tal si vemos el amor como una actitud intencional? En este libro Gary Chapman nos sugiere 7 características que debemos tú y yo desarrollar si realmente buscamos interesarnos en las personas. basado en colosenses te dará una perspectiva diferente y te ayudará a realmente querer cambiar. Si eres soltero como yo considero nos será de utilidad si tu visión como la mía es de llegar a tener un matrimonio éxitoso. Recuerda que el deseo de interesarte por los demás es intencional.

[jessica · Rating 1 out of 5]

[audiobook:] So annoying. Maybe I was mistaken in thinking that this book would be a "Christian" book, but more than an hour into it, he had yet to even mention God's name. I thought God was love... so maybe you should base what you're saying in who He is and what His Word says? What a concept. Maybe someday I'll finish listening to this book, but I'm not sure I can sit through it.

1/9/10: So I finished this book a few weeks ago, and I'm glad to be done with it. I listened to it while I was cleaning just to get through it. At some point after my previous review, he might've mentioned God, but the references were few and far between if I remember correctly. Not what I had expected. Pretty disappointed.

[Marisha Caballero · Rating 1 out of 5]

I skimmed through every page of this book and noticed that while covering such topics as forgiveness and humility he did not reference any Scripture nor mention Christ until the last chapter of the book, where he talks about serving as Christ did when he washed the disciples feet. I am disheartened that he would write an entire book about love and hardly reference the Bible at all. We cannot teach goodness and virtue apart from the authority of Christ and his Word. We have no good apart from him. Though some of what he says may be helpful, I don't think I'll be reading a book by this author again.

[Erin · Rating 2 out of 5]

This is the first book this year that I have started but will not finish. It is the Word of God that changes people, and there is very little of the Bible here. God is Love, and to teach about being a loving person without Him at the center falls flat. The seven principals in this book can largely be found in the Fruit of the Spirit and can never be put into your life by formula. Pick up your Bible if you want to see your life transformed. You cannot spend your time any better!

[Breen · Rating 1 out of 5]

Really liked several of Chapman's other books - but this one was intolerable to read. Too much info from his other previous nooks slapped together with common sense. Seriously not worth the time in my opinion. Read half & stopped. Which is SO not like me, I am usually a read to the end of a book do or diehard gal.

[Kelly · Rating 3 out of 5]

This month we will be trying a non-fiction book. This book is applicable whether single, married, young or old. Can’t wait to dive in with you.
In his first major work since the publication of his phenomenal bestseller The Five Love Languages, Dr. Chapman delivers a powerful plan for whole-life happiness, with simple yet intensive exercises and wisdom for finding the life you have always wanted. The way in which our individual lives are improved, says Chapman, is through improving each relationship in your life: with your parents your children, your coworkers, and your spouse, and for all human interactions that form the foundations of our lives. With breakthrough strategies for developing new ways of accepting and responding to the gift of love, Love as a Way of Life nurtures the essential qualities of Kindness, Patience, Forgiveness, Courtesy, Humility, Generosity, and Honesty. Memorable real-life stories and inspiring advice make this an ideal book to share with others, fostering meaningful conversations about the incredible possibilities that emerge when love becomes a habit.
In his previous work, Dr. Chapman brought to light the different ways people express love, but in Love as a Way of Life he reveals that every aspect of your life can be improved by placing love at the center of everything you do. As Rick Warren does in The Purpose Driven Life, Chapman illuminates the profound influence of spiritual insight and understanding on our daily lives.
Using real-life anecdotes, he examines the obstacles and misunderstandings that undermine relationships, and provides quizzes and exercises to help readers evaluate their own strengths and weaknesses. Rich in wisdom and inspiration, Love as a Way of Life is an invaluable guide to creating fulfilling and satisfying relationships and reaping the joys of living a love-driven life.
This book is great for all stages of life.
This is a good book to remind us that we all desire to feel loved. This book is full of different ways we can work on loving others. It also is very thought provoking and is a fun read to discuss with your family and friends.
I rate this book 3 out of 5 stars.

[Agnes | Live Loved · Rating 5 out of 5]

What a good and practical book on cultivating love in our relationships!

I loved how at the beginning of each chapter, there is a 'self-assessment' of how you can rate yourself then at the end of the chapters are questions for further reflection and application. The stories used to explain the seven keys were fitting and relatable.

I most enjoyed how the application was broken down into marriage as couples and as parents, and in the workplace as employees.

The seven keys are:
1. Kindness (like speaking words that are not hurtful
2. Patience (like listening long enough...)
3. Forgiveness (as people who are different in our views and upbringing, our differences may bring conflict or tension. Forgive when one apologies and apologise when in the wrong)
4. Courtesy (like treating everyone, even strangers, as a friend or potential friend. Every person has value)
5. Humility (like making sacrifices (giving up a seat, giving time to help) so someone can get ahead.
6. Generosity (alert to needs and going the extra mile)
7. Honesty (being consistent in speech, thought and action. Giving people the gift of truth.)


A few favourites:
"All humans have capacity to love."
"To be a better lover, ask those you care about: How can I serve you better."
"You are the first person in the world your child trusts."
"Patience bears with the imperfections of others."
"It takes only one broken promise left unacknowledged for someone to question your integrity."
"Whatever your job today, it can become an expression of love."
"Anger should be a visitor, not a resident."
"Forgiveness opens the door for the possibility of renewed trust in time."

[Stasi · Rating 2 out of 5]

I have read "the 5 love languages" and "things I wish I knew before I was married" .... but this book was really hard for me.

Maybe it is because I am just not enough of a loving person yet. maybe in time I can come back to this and be able to take more away from it but at this point in time of my life it was a struggle.

Some of the things Gary suggests as being normal daily things sound just far far to much for the average person. And what happens when someone wants your time and you act out of love and give them your time while someone else was waiting on you and now you haven't acted lovingly toward them? there are lots of contradictions like this in the real world in almost ever aspect of how to be a more loving person. and I realize he is giving extreme examples most of the time but its hard to not assume that he literally means you should be doing things to the extreme.

After reading the book I do notice moments in time when I could be more show some of the aspects of a more loving life and I notice my words more too. Awareness I believe is half the battle so I guess I did take away some good from the book.

But I do have to wonder if giving up all of yourself in order to be more loving toward others is really realistic, or even a good idea.

I may have to give it another read in a year or so and see if my views have changed but for now I found it difficult to digest.

[Andrius Baležentis · Rating 2 out of 5]

Knygoje aprašomi principai iš esmės yra vertybiniai dalykai, kuriuos kiekvienas susidėliojame asmeniškai, todėl prasimušantis autoriaus teisuoliškumas erzina. Tie principai - lyg dešimt Dievo įsakymų - tarsi savaime suprantami, tačiau primityviai susisteminti ir sureikšiminti kelia atstūmimo reakciją. Kartais tikrai vertinga sau priminti pamatinius dalykus, dar kartą juos pasitikrinti, tačiau autoriaus pateikiami pavyzdžiai man greičiau sukėlė ne tikslą tobulėti, o beviltiškumo jausmą - atrodo, kad gyventi pagal piešiamą scenarijų tiesiog neįmanoma arba nesveika. Gal aš tiesiog nemoku taip pasiaukojančiai mylėti?
Ilgai ėjau iki suvokimo, kad gyvenime vienu metu negali visko suspėti vienodai gerai: jei daug dirbsi liks mažiau laiko šeimai, jei daug savanoriausi liks mažiau erdės sau pačiam, jei tobulai gaminsi gali nebeturėti laiko sportui - pasiekti tą balansą ir girdėti savo poreikius nėra taip paprasta. Autorius lyg nori pastūmėti į nuolatinį sąmoningą gerumą, kantrybę, atlaidumą, dosnumą ir mandagumą, tačiau pasidaro nebeaišku, o kur dėti kitus natūralius jausmus, kuriuos patiriame pvz. nusivylimą, pyktį, nuovargį, nuoskaudą. Kas bus jei sunkius jausmus užgniaušime ir gyvensime susikūrę neautentišką save pozityviam kontekste?
Knyga liko paviršiuje.

[GateGypsy · Rating 4 out of 5]

The seven aspects Chapman addresses in Loving as a Way of Life are: kindness, patience, forgiveness, courtesy, humility, generosity and honesty. It's a great refresher/reminder on how to intentionally act in a loving way toward the people you encounter in your life. It's not a deep dive, and it's not meant to help you learn boundaries with the users of the world, but it's useful to bring to mind many of those basic "how to be a decent human being" lessons folks usually learn in their youth. While nothing in this book is revolutionary, I liked that Chapman lays it out for us that "patience" is more than waiting, kindness involves sacrifice, generosity these days most often means giving our time, even small lies destroy relationships, humility in marriage means putting your spouse's needs before yours (like giving up your "need" to win an argument), and ultimately a loving life is a slow journey of becoming the people we choose to be.

[Joe Pratt · Rating 3 out of 5]

I liked the message of the book - be kind to others, be quick to apologize, out other people’s needs before your own. To sum it all up, be a good person. This book didn’t say anything I, or anyone else, doesn’t already know which is why it’s only 3 stars. With that being said, I think it is a worthwhile read. It’s value comes not in presenting new ideas, but in reminding us to think about others. This reminder encourages us to act purposefully loving. I wouldn’t reread it again unless I was interested in doing an in depth study on one of the seven keys to greater love. In that case I would only reread the corresponding chapter. The only other scenario in which I’d reread the book is to study it with my wife. In that instance though, I’d pay more attention to the questions at the end of the chapters and go in depth with the final chapter (which is really just a list of questions and scriptures to talk about), Going Deeper Into Making Love a Way of Life.

[Hez Flourish · Rating 5 out of 5]

You can't give what you don't have!
A true lover and love life possesses virtues of kindness,patience, forgiveness, courtesy,Honesty, Honesty,and Generosity of giving without expecting a return at all times cos expectations can cause exhaustion if not returned. Virtue of serving others effortlessly as Mr Chapman emphasized this as the turning point in his life.
True love as a life requires time to blossom fully. It makes you realize your weaknesses and strengths. It makes you focus on becoming better vision of yourself and not forcing change on others but allowing time take it course on them.

This book is exceptionally intriguing!! 👍